"Well, that was quite the restful day if I do say so myself," Carnage remarked as he strolled out through Jyuban High's front gate.
"What was so restful about it?" a smoldering Chaos retorted angrily. "You didn't get hit with a Beam Cannon!"
Carnage waved the protests aside. "What are you complaining about? You're still alive."
"I can't say the same for my underwear!" Chaos muttered disparagingly. "And those were my favorite Gourry-cow boxers too."
Just why Carnage had decided to use a Beam Cannon to dissect a small frog was something the biology teacher was still trying to figure out. But that had fortunately been the final class of the day.
Yet it was just the two of them leaving Jyuban. Even though school was out, almost all the students were staying behind to check out the extra-cirricular clubs that the school was offering. Dark Mayhem and Ami were both being recruited for the Fire Prevention Club (not that they were thrilled for being considered), while Makoto was being cajoled into joining the cooking club. Minako was naturally in the volleyball club, while Usagi was still debating. And as for Pesti-chan...he had an unfortunate run-in with the Magic Club, and now Sae and the others were busy trying to stop a large hairy monster from running loose across the athletics track.
"I'm surprised to see you're not joining any of the clubs," Chaos said to Carnage. "Even Demolition is checking them out. Apparently the basketball team really wants to have him to beat those Shohoku High weenies from Slam Dunk."
Carnage thumbed over his shoulder to the army of Anime babes trailing him. For every step he took, they took one. He shuffled over to this left, and they matched his movements perfectly.
"You see that?" he said with a lamenting sigh. "I can't contend with that size a cheerleading team. It ruins my concentration. And do have any idea how bad my Tenchi Masaki syndrome is when stuck in a small club room with that many women?"
His kawaii kitty ears popping up, Chaos shook his head. Numerous small question marks hovered over him. "You need more deodorant?"
"Baka!" Carnage snapped, grabbing a question mark and whacking Chaos with it. "Look, at least with Rei and Miyu I can keep my disappearing clothing to a minimum."
A sweatdrop appeared next to Chaos' head. "What about Asaba's request that you and your disorder help him create the Asaba Merryland club?"
Carnage froze in midstep, his eyes widening. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said finally.
Chaos: --;; "Hentai."
Carnage: --;; "Fireball."
Caos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Carnage turned to leave the smoking Chaos, and then paused. "Ne, why aren't you trying out for any of the clubs?" he asked.
Chaos meekly shuffled his feet. "Hotaru said that if I joined a club, it would mean less time for me to spend with her."
Carnage: [sweatdrop!] "Hotaru-sama's already got you whipped, hasn't she?"
Chaos: ;_; "Literally."
And as if on cue, a happy "Chaos-chaaaaan!" echoed across the street. Chaos' eyes ballooned out moments before Hotaru sprang onto his back, sending him facefirst into the sidewalk.
"Gomen, Chaos-chan!" Hotaru said, blushing a little as she helped the twitching fanboy up. "I forget my own strength sometimes."
Carnage blinked in surprise. "She's never been able to do that before," he remarked to Chaos. "Usually she glomps onto you, and Haruka does the ass-kicking into the pavement."
"Hush, mech-boy!" Chaos growled.
Hotaru snuggled up next to Chaos, wrapping her arms around his waist. She then became aware of Chaos awkwardly moving around. "What is it?" she asked, looking up at him.
Chaos blinked, trying to figure out where to put his arm. "Ano...you seem a little taller than usual." His eyes drifted down to her chest. "And bigger too."
Haruka: "And just what are you doing staring at our Hime-chan's breasts?"
"Ah, the escorts arrive," Carnage said, nodding to Michiru. An annoyed expression went on his face as a chorus of voices started singing, and cherry blossoms flew across the scene. "Dammit!" he shouted to the sky. "Would you people cut that out! This isn't the S season!!"
Michiru looked over to where Haruka was trying to bisect Chaos with her Space Sword. "Ara ara, Ruka-chan always was a little overprotective of our Hotaru. Ne?"
Chaos: [ack!] "A little?!"
Haruka: [grrrr!] "CHAOS!!"
Chaos: o.O "Kyaaaaaa!! Run away! Run away!"
Hotaru: [sigh!] "And here I was going to show off all my new dresses to him."
Carnage: "What happened to your old ones?"
Hotaru: [shrug!] "I think they must have shrunk in the wash. Either way, Haruka-poppa didn't want me to give Chaos-chan any fanservice."
[Carnage's eyebrow involuntarily twitches as he slowly turns to Chaos.]
Carnage: --;; "......"
Chaos: [argh!] "I DO NOT HAVE A LOLITA COMPLEX!"
The evening was upon Tokyo, and even though Planet Hentai was already in full party (and panty) mode, there was one pervert there who wasn't thrilled about all the rampant fanservice and Rule 3.
"Stupid Havoc," Red Queen Kasumi muttered as she sat at the bar. Even the Hotcha Ocha she was having wasn't soothing her agitated state. "What the hell did he mean 'When the time comes for us to duel, I'll let you know'?"
She glanced over her shoulder at the Planet Hentai festivities. Variable Geo waitresses were roller-skating around the crowded tables, and loud dance music echoed across the club. The Benkyo Brigade's private table was full of its usual rowdy members--save for either of the Havocs.
It looked like Havoc had just been playing around, and wasn't taking her challenge seriously. The Hentenno would pay for that, she swore. Downing the last of her Hotcha Ocha, Red Queen Kasumi headed for the door.
She abruptly paused, her eyes narrowing as she saw something vaguely familiar. Tacked onto the Wall of Fame was a pair of pink panties that had the Hentopia seal on them. A message was also neatly written on the panties:
To the one aroused,
I await a duel in the forbidden
ruins at sunset.
[Cue Shadow Girl A-ko walking onto the wall behind Red Queen Kasumi!]
Shadow Girl A-ko: [with phonograph] "Gogai! Gogai! Gogai!"
Shadow Girl B-ko: [dressed as a fencing student] "Parry, parry, thrust!"
Shadow Girl A-ko: "What are you doing?"
Shadow Girl B-ko: [still fencing by herself] "I'm practicing for my match."
Shadow Girl A-ko: [sweatdrop!] "But aren't you going on a date?"
Shadow Girl B-ko: "Parry! That's why I'm making sure to have protection."
Shadow Girl A-ko: [scratching her head] "I'm confused. Do you want to kiss him, or kill him?"
Shadow Girl B-ko: "Practice--thrust! Thrust!--makes perfect. Either way I don't want to disappoint him."
[Red Queen Kasumi abruptly removes the panties off the Wall of Fame.]
Red Queen Kasumi: "You still need to work on your forward thrusts, if you want to satisfy him."
The gate to the Forbidden Lemon was sealed shut as Red Queen Kasumi approached. Sliding the signet ring onto her finger, she pressed the panty emblem against the lock. Something on the other side clicked, and the gate swung wide open for her.
Skimehime-chan moved through the ruins as a chorus of voices sang in the background:
Hentai Unmei Mokkori Iku
Hentai Unmei Mokkori Iku
Sukebe tentacle Doji no benkyo
Hentai Unmei Mokkori Iku
Hentai Unmei Mokkori Iku
Watashi no panty Zettai panty
The fallen buildings started to rebuild themselves, the broken structures restored to their former glory. A pile of panties and bras covering the ground was abruptly blown away by a cool draft, revealing the Hentopia seal. It flickered to life, and suddenly an enormous spiral staircase extended from it. Red Queen Kasumi's eyes widened as she
watched it reach up to the heavens. There was no other way to go but up.
The walk seemed to take but a few seconds--even though the average person would have had a heart attack half-way (and 1 hour of walking) up it.
To her stunned amazement, Red Queen Kasumi stepped out into a grand arena that was situated above the clouds. The skies were painted red by the distant setting sun. And high overhead, a gigantic upside-down bra (courtesy of Mega-Rei from the End of Eva movies) was spinning over her head.
Red Queen Kasumi took a hesitant step back when she saw everything. "Ara ara, I don't ever remember seeing this on the roof of Planet Hentai," she said.
"It's an illusion, meant for only the destined perverts to see," came Havoc-chan's voice.
Her head snapping forward, Red Queen Kasumi's eyes narrowed as she saw her opponent. Havoc-chan stood at the other side of the dueling arena, clad in a very formal DOJI BOY uniform--and wearing Captain Hagen's "nekkid girl reclining" epaulets from the Aika OVAs.
Next to Havoc-chan, Pandemonium glowered as she was dressed up in a pseudo Rose Bride outfit...which really isn't the right word, since 'outfit' denotes a variety of clothes being worn. In actuality, Pandemonium was wearing a skintight, bosom-revealing shirt right from one of Satoshi Urushihara's creations.
"I can't believe this is one of my primary functions," she muttered darkly. "Otoka-san, why'd you have to throw this into my programming?"
Havoc-chan flashed Pandemonium her Chichiri grin as she removed the epaulets. "Because this is more fun!" she said happily.
"Havoc!" Red Queen Kasumi called out as she stalked across the arena. "What the hell is all this?"
"We're here to duel for the Royal Thong," Havoc-chan stated, stroking Pandemonium's thighs and pointing to the treasured thong Pan-chan was forced to wear. "If you think you are worthy of this, then you will have to fight me for it."
Red Queen Kasumi pulled out her whip and gave it a sturdy yank. "Okay, I'm in," she stated. "What are the rules?"
"Whomever knocks the panties off their opponent first wins both the duel and the thong," Havoc-chan stated.
Havoc-chan then bent Pandemonium over backwards, and eventually pulled out a sword from between Pan-chan's breasts...after nuzzling her own face in said bosoms first.
"Give me the power to revolutionize the Perv!" Havoc-chan proclaimed, holding the naked blade over her head.
Chaos: "So if Havoc unsheaths that sword from between Pandemonium's cleavage, does that mean he sheaths it in her--"
[Cue the Superdimensional Fortress Macross falling from the sky andcrushing Chaos!]
SDF Macross: *WHAM!!*
Chaos: --;; "It was a valid question, Carnage!"
A chorus of bells started to ring as the sun set in the skies. The arena was plunged into darkness, until a brilliant light from the upside-down bra shone down upon them. With the changing of the day, Havoc-chan had become Havoc-kun.
Red Queen Kasumi blinked as she looked at Havoc's rather phallic weapon. "That doesn't look like the Sword of Dios."
Havoc shrugged as he chose a dueling stance. "It's the Sword of Dildos, actually."
"Oh," Skimehime-chan said with a nod. "Makes sense." She removed her long black cape, and then assumed her own fighting stance. "Prepare yourself, Havoc!"
"In a minute!" Havoc said, placing a pair of panties on his head.
The duel began, with Red Queen Kasumi striking first.
Havoc certainly was at a disadvantage against the long rage Red Queen Kasumi's whip had. On the other hand, his experience at perving had made him incredibly agile. He dodged all of the lashes Skimehime-chan dealt with her whip.
"You're still the tenacious little hentai!" Red Queen Kasumi hissed, throwing her whip in every direction that she could to fend off Havoc's advances.
"Oro?" came his voice above her.
Red Queen Kasumi leaped aside as Havoc dropped down from the skies. Yet that still didn't stop his Kacchu Tenshin Amapantiken. Havoc grinned as he held up his hand to reveal...nothing?
Havoc blinked in surprise. "Na ni? I could have sworn I stole her panties when I--"
He never had the chance to say anything else as Red Queen Kasumi charged past him, cracking her whip. And then Havoc suddenly felt a breeze flow through his hair.
Havoc slowly turned his head to Red Queen Kasumi. Skimehime-chan herself was looking at the centre of the arena...where Havoc's pair of panties were lying on the floor.
"Oh my," Red Queen Kasumi said, rather surprised herself. "I won the duel. I am the true Hentenno!"
The bells began to ring violently as Havoc collapsed onto his knees. His eyes were wide in surprise and disbelief.
"I...I lost," he said, unable to fully grasp what had happened. "I just lost the Royal Thong...."
[Cue the eyecatch!]
>) Evil, ne?
Thanks to the Elf for concocting that strange light effect which made Chaos look like Michiru, as well as to Mayhem for helping me out with a number of the Anime-related gags. And kudos certainly goes out to Havoc for conspiring with me to "revolutionize the Perv." And this is merely the beginning....