Back at the fanboys' apartment, the gang was unwinding from hard day of doing nothing--er, school. Well, let's be honest: when your homeroom teacher is sent through the ceiling, and all your other teachers skip teaching your remaining classes, there's little else left for one to do. After placing their bets on how Chaos' date would go, everyone
lounged around the living room.
A short time later found Hysteria strolling out from her bedroom, a Cosplaying demon in tow behind her.
"Hey, it's My Neighbour Totora!" Dark Mayhem quipped, heating up some Sake in the kitchen.
Tora, very unpleasant about having been stuffed into a gigantic Totoro costume, growled and bared his fangs. "Shut the hell up."
Yet there was little else Tora could do as Hysteria led him by the collar across the living room. With a kawaii hop, she bounded onto one of the couches. Tora was neatly dragged after her, large protesting claw marks gouged into the floor.
"Maybe Demolition should use a few demon wards and put Tora out of his misery," Pesti-chan remarked to Dark Mayhem.
Checking on the Sake, Dark Mayhem shrugged in response. "So long as I don't have to face a rabid butterfly youma, I'm happy with the solution."
The two glanced over at Hysteria as she took to petting her victim--er, pet. Tora was curled up on her lap and purring contentedly. The tiger demon was very attentive of her...until Hysteria closed her eyes.
A few minutes and a loud "Kyaaaa-chan!" later, Sarcasm walked into the living room (escorting her Zel to the jacuzzi, no less). She paused upon seeing Hysteria's legs furiously kicking out from Tora's bulging mouth.
Sarcasm: "I should warn you that she will give you diabetes."
Tora: ^-^ *Mph!*
Hysteria: [muffled] "Kawaii Killer Butterfly attack!"
The entire apartment tower abruptly shuddered from a loud explosion.
Looking up from the model Gundam kit he was working with, Carnage wrinkled his nose upon seeing the smoking Tora stumble across the living room. "Oh, great. Now the apartment's going to smell like barbecued neko-
"Looks like I'll need to spray more Eau de Golem in my room to cover up that smell," Sarcasm sighed, warily stepping around the drool-covered Hysteria. "Come on Zel-chan."
With a resigned sigh, Zelgadis followed after her. "Sarcasm-hime, I may be rock, but I'm not a machine."
"I know. That's why I've got Miwa Satoshi and Allan Schezar waiting in the wings."
As Hysteria hauled the frazzled Tora into her room for a kawaii li'l tea party-chan, Chaos returned from his outing with Hotaru. He paused upon entering the apartment, glancing back at the body imprint Hysteria had left in the front door. "I thought someone was going to repair that."
"I did," Carnage replied evenly, not looking up from his model. "Your IQ-deprived kid heard boy detective Conan in the hallway, and forgot to open the door as she bounded over to meet him."
"She is not my kid!" Chaos protested.
"Well, she's evidently somebody's child," Pesti-chan stated. "I mean, it's not like our author just threw Hysteria in for no good reason, other than to make our lives more cursed...is it?"
Fanboys: --;; [slowly turning to look out at the author] "IS IT?"
Dark Mayhem leaned against the counter and appraised the battered Chaos. Chaos didn't look too bad...save for the large swollen bruise sticking out from his hair.
"The date went that well, ne?" Dark Mayhem inquired with a wry grin on his face.
Chaos could only shrug. "Depends. Haruka wasted Havoc halfway through the meal, and Hotaru's now up to here." He motioned to his shoulders.
"She hit a growth spurt?" Carnage asked.
Chaos continued to remain deadpan as he held his palm out in front of his chest a significant number of inches. "And out to here."
Fanboys: [sweatdrop!] "......"
"At this rate, Hotaru will be in our classes at Jyuban High in a week," Chaos sighed, flopping down into a chair. "Haruka threatened to sign on as a gym teacher if that happened, just so she could keep an eye on me. I don't think I could take that kind of scholastic abuse."
Suddenly Catastrophe-chan leapt out from behind the couch, happily losing her pacifier to suck on something a little bigger...like Chaos' ramen-soaked head.
Catastrophe-chan: ^-^ "chu chu!"
Chaos: --;; "And I'm going to need a bath too."
That said, he walked into his wall scroll to grab his bathrobe.
Rolling his eyes at Chaos, Pesti-chan headed for the fridge. "Anyone know where we put those frozen Hard Lemonadesicles?" he asked.
Pesti-chan opened the freezer door...only to have Demolition slide out. "Arigato," Demolition said, making sure not to bump his head on the way out. "I was just about to open the door anyways."
A sweatdrop hovering next to his head, Pesti-chan peered back into the freezer. "What were you doing in there? And just how did you manage to fit yourself in?"
"Oh, didn't the author tell you?" Demolition remarked, dusting his armour off. "We tossed a pan-dimensional portal into the freezer. It's now my room, which also leads straight into the island of Lodoss."
Chaos: ^-^ "Hey, I've got the record of that somewhere."
Rampage: [coughing up a piece of LP] *BUUUUUURRRRRPPPP!!!*
Chaos: o.O "Kyaaa! And that was autographed by Parn too!"
Pesti-chan's eyebrow twitched as he looked at Demolition and then back into the freezer. Sure enough, instead of an ice box he could see a large forest on the other side. "So now where do we get our ice cubes?" he exclaimed.
Carnage simply pointed a finger at Chaos, who had just walked out from the wall scroll. "Demona Crystal."
Seconds later a startled SD Chaos was encased in a block of ice.
"Just grab the spare Beam Sabre in the cupboard and slice yourself a few cubes," Carnage replied simply, going back to his model kit. "It should be next to the flyswatter."
Dark Mayhem appraised the oversized block of ice. "Great. Now you've managed to block the bathroom...and Hysteria's room too." He shrugged. "Evens out, I guess."
So as Demolition used his Sword of Light to thaw Chaos--and make a great ice sculpture of Ifurita at the same time--Dark Mayhem poured the Sake into a number of small glasses.
"Now that the Sake's ready, we can celebrate our first day back at Jyuban," he announced to the others. "I call a toast to the fic!"
SD Pesti-chans: [leaping onto Carnage] "Wrong kind of 'toast', you twit!"
The fanboys all took a glass and held it up in the air.
"Here's to a new season of the Fanboys," Dark Mayhem stated. "May we screw this one up just as badly as the last two!"
"Kanpai!" they chorused, slamming back their drinks.
Carnage quickly refilled their glasses. "Here's to having girlfriends who won't literally be the death of us!" he stated.
Everyone drank again.
Demolition quickly refilled their glasses. "Here's to me actually getting a girlfriend!"
Everyone just sweatdropped as Demolition slammed back his Sake.
"Here's to the Senshi," Pesti-chan said, raising his glass. "Without them, I fear what our fic would have become. We should also toast to...." Pesti-chan's voice trailed off as he caught sight of something in Chaos' hands. "And what exactly are you doing with that?"
Chaos beamed as he hoisted up the metallic item for all to see. "The fic seems to be in my favour for once! Anarchy was kind enough to give me this bathtoy!"
Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "Ano...that's a toaster."
But before Chaos could be talked out of his stupidity, he gulped down his Sake and skipped through the hallway, disappearing into the bathroom. Finishing off their own Sake, the fanboys retired to indulge in their usual avatarish hobby: watching fansubs.
However, their screening of KareKano (all hail the mighty Asaba Sexy Dance!) was abruptly interrupted by Havoc-chan crashing down from above and bellyflopping onto the floor. Carnage merely looked down at the twitching Hentenno, and then rested his feet on Havoc-chan's back.
"Damn, you look like hell," Dark Mayhem remarked. "What happened to you, Havoc?"
"He missed landing on someone's head, for starters," Pesti-chan said.
Havoc-chan groaned as she pulled herself off the living room floor. "That's not all," she added. "This entire afternoon has been rough. It's like...like I've lost something. First my Kacchu Tenshin Amapantiken failed, then Haruka outsmarted my Happoken." She paused ominously. "And then I wrote this."
She submitted a fanfic manuscript for their appraisal.
Dark Mayhem looked at the Havocfic title. His eyebrow involuntarily twitched. "Dojimon: tentacled monsters?"
Demolition: [reading] "'Nagumon dojivolve to...Overfiendmon'?!"
Carnage: "Not that I read your fics on a regular basis, Havoc, but this sucks pretty bad. This is something Hysteria would write."
"I'm hyperventilating just from the fact that I wrote it!" the girl-type uberperv stated. Havoc-chan took out a puffer, and inhaled deeply.
"Maybe you should check with your male counterpart," Dark Mayhem suggested, holding the manuscript out for Demolition to Fireball. "Now, are we all in agreement that this Havocfic never happened?"
"I don't see why this shouldn't be released," Carnage spoke up, flipping through the Havocfic. He paused at one page, and winced. "We could send this to MSTiers and make a tidy profit."
Dark Mayhem shook his head. "Carnage, think about our series for a moment. If Havoc ever wrote a really bad lemon, *who* do think our author would force to riff it?"
"I have a Buster Beam that can see to it this fic's never heard from again," Carnage replied cheerfully.
"What's in this anyways?" Pesti-chan asked, looking into the breathing port for Havoc's puffer. He squeezed down, and got a facefull of Cream Lemon.
Pesti: --;; "Ah...how stupid of me."
Abruptly all the lights in the apartment flickered. Moments later, a wet and smoking Chaos stumbled out from the bathroom.
Chaos: ;_; "I think I broke the bathtoy."
In an elevator, silhouetted against a night sky, a voice spoke: "If the egg's shell does not break, the fic will die without being born."
The outline of Ruckus appeared, leaning against the elevator wall. "The fanboys are the egg; Faye Valentine is quite the chick."
The outline of Riot appeared opposite Ruckus. "If the egg does not break, we will be unable to have our most honourable breakfast."
The outline of Touga appeared between them. "So long as you did not lay the egg, we must break it!" Touga proclaimed.
"For the satisfaction of our stomachs!" they all announced with great resolve.
Stepping out of the elevator found the trio in the illustrious Student Council room. Or a reasonable facsimile thereof. In fact, the Student Council room bore an uncanny resemblance to the interior of Juraian princess Ayeka's spaceship/bathhouse/pet tree.
Riot: --;; "Touga, just what button did you push?"
Touga: "I did this for a reason."
Riot: "And that is?"
Touga: [dramatically stretching out his arms] "Can't you hear it? The sound of the End of the Fic!"
Ruckus: [sweatdrop!] "Isn't it a little too early for the eyecatch?"
[Cue the sounds of a car revving its engine!]
Touga: [ripping open his jacket to display his bare chest] "Now let us show you the End of the Fic!"
[Abruptly Sylia and Mackie Stingray's SD van from Scrambled Wars pulls up in front of the two fanboys and Touga!]
SD Sylia: [giving them the finger] "Get yer own damn ride! I'm gonna win this race!"
[Everyone watches as the van pulls off, followed in hot pursuit by an SD Priss on her motorcycle!]
SD Priss: "Get your lingerie-selling butt back here, Sylia! You sideswiped me, and we both know it!"
Touga: ^-^ "Isn't it beautiful?"
Riot: "Um...yeah. Okay. How about I get you to a most honourable psychiatric ward, and we get back to the fanfic."
Leaving Touga behind, the two piled back into the elevator and tried another button. The elevator car moved upwards and came to a stop on the floor which housed the student council office. Stretching her hands out behind her, Ruckus yawned and looked around the deserted room.
"Any particular reason you called me out of Milfiel's bed for this?" she asked, absently strolling onto the walls.
"I called this most honourable emergency meeting because of this," Riot announced, spinning the chair around.
Ruckus blinked a few times as she looked down at Iris Chateau-Briande seated in the chair. "Bon-joru!" Iris said in a really bad Japanese attempt to speak French.
As Riot gawked at Iris, Ruckus sighed. "Is there a Lolita Complex you should be telling me about?" she inquired, filing her nails with a spare shuriken dart.
"No!" Riot protested, punt-fuing Iris off the balcony. "I could have sworn it was here in one of these chairs."
Ruckus: [sigh!] "He'll probably claim this was a deliberate hidden guest-fu, or something."
Riot found the desired person as he spun around the other student council chair. Seated in it was a very catatonic guy, who was contentedly staring into his own pocket mirror.
Ruckus absently poked at the Jyuban student. "What happened to him? He read that spare Demon City Hunter Shinjuku Chaosfic that was lying around the halls?"
"This most dishonourable thing has been happening all over Jyuban High--as well as the city," Riot explained. "Instrumentality-fu said nothing about this, so I suspect a most dishonourable conspiracy against us. I must meditate to discover the cause."
"What will meditation do?" Ruckus asked.
"It will make me look cool. Other than that, I've never been able to figure out just what anything-goes martial arts meditation-fu does."
Rolling her eyes, Ruckus dropped down from the ceiling and flopped herself into one of the student council room's complimentary beanbag chairs. "Do whatever you think will help the plot along," she stated, yanking a sedate Mamoru onto the beanbag with her.
With an annoyed expression on his face, Riot turned around to give Ruckus a stern yet squinty gaze. "And just what are you still doing with him?"
Happily snuggled up next to Mamoru, Ruckus giggled. "Oh, but he looked so cute when he was staring at his bedroom mirror! I couldn't help but take him home with me."
Riot: "He isn't a puppy dog, Ruckus."
Ruckus: ^-^ "No, but he can easily by my lap dog!"
"This is the exact threat to Instrumentality-fu I was talking about," Riot said, pointing to the catatonic look in Mamoru's eyes. "And you're not helping me here, Ruckus. Usagi is going to notice sooner or later that you used kidnap-fu on her boyfriend."
Ruckus pouted, clutching her plaything.
"Then I will take him," stated a sultry yet disembodied voice.
Riot and Ruckus immediately jumped to their feet, weapons in their hands.
Ruckus: [with shuriken darts!] "Ano...why are you holding an oversized trout?"
Riot: "You mean I didn't pull my most honourable katana from my sleeves?"
[Riot looks to the fish he's holding.]
Noonsa: ^-^ "Ooh, what a cute little samurai! Give us a kiss!"
Riot: --;; "Most dishonourable."
At the risk of stating the obvious, Noonsa didn't last very long as a guest character. "Ah," Riot said, pleased with himself as he stared at the pieces of Noonsa expertly cut and arranged on several plates before him. "Anything-goes martial arts sashimi-fu. I am quite the master of that technique."
"Great!" Ruckus exclaimed, currently in a tug of war over Mamoru. "Could you get your anything-goes martial arts ass over here and give me a hand?!"
Riot nodded, tossing his katana and searching his bulky sleeves for yet another weapon concealed by his hidden smite-fu. Pulling out an oversized pan-dimensional mallet, he raced across the student council room. Yet he came to an abrupt stop when he saw what Ruckus was fighting against.
"Ano...you're fighting against a mirror."
Ruckus wasn't amused as she continued to claw at Mamoru's shirt with one hand, and lob her shuriken at the glass with her other hand. "Not the mirror itself!" she exclaimed angrily. "There's a woman in the mirror! And that bitch is stealing my boytoy!"
In was evident that the object being fought over was Mamoru-who was still too lethargic to even notice that his clothes were starting to stretch from all the handling.
Tossing the mallet, Riot leaned forward and helped try to yank Mamoru back out of the mirror. "I've never had to fight with my most honourable reflection before," he remarked.
Inside the mirror Nehelenia's cat eyes flashed, and suddenly Mamoru was torn from both their grips. Riot and Ruckus tumbled backwards as the earth prince was dragged inside the mirror. Captive in the evil queen's arms, Mamoru...did absolutely nothing.
"Most dishonourable!" Riot stated, pulling out a tanto sword. "Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep."
Nehelenia's victorious cackling petered out as she tried to comprehend Riot's Zen-fu. But then she just shrugged her shoulders. "It doesn't matter," she stated. "I have what I want. Soon I will take everything the princess of white moon cares about. And then I can take care of those fanboys!"
The reflection rippled, and then Nehelenia disappeared.
"The fanboys?" Riot muttered to himself. "How could she know about them unless she knows about Instrumentality-fu?"
Ruckus looked back at Riot, utterly indignant with Nehelenia. "Did you see that? She grabbed Usagi's boyfriend! Now who am I going to fondle?" She abruptly smiled. "But at least I got his shirt!"
[Cue the facevault!]
"Most dishonourable," Riot muttered, jumping back onto his feet. "I'll contact Pandemonium to fill out a missing persons report. You get to explain this to Usagi tomorrow."
Ruckus pouted. "Do I have to?"
Riot nodded as he tried to figure out where in his outfit he had hidden his most honourable cell phone. "It's your decapitated corpse, you dance in the geyser of blood that's spraying out from its severed neck."