The Super-Deformed Gang's All Here.
This fanfic was brought to you by:
Rice Ruroni - the Hitokiri treat
Chaos: ^-^ "We're back! And have we got a fic for you readers this time! Suspense, drama, action, comedy, and we actually manage to do nothing to promote the plot at all in this part! Tell them, Pesti-chan!"
[Chaos looks around, only to see a deserted obligatory intro. bit.]
Chaos: ^^;; "Ano...Pesti-chan? Pesti-chan?"
Dark Mayhem: "He and Demolition are taking care of that *ahem!* problem."
Chaos: o.O;; "Oooooh, that. So what are we going to do with the opening segment?"
Dark Mayhem: "What are you looking at me for? I'm not doing it!"
Chaos: "Maybe I could tell everyone about my top secret plan to steal Beans' lake god by sucking it up with a sponge!"
[Cue the terrified flying octopus that smacks Chaos in the face!]
Chaos: "I think there's a leak in my spy network."
Dark Mayhem: "Yeah. It's in that space between your ears."
Chaos: "You mean the one I rented out?"
Dark Mayhem: ^^v "Isn't he great, folks? And he'll be here for the entire fanfic too!"
Carnage: [sauntering in] "So how are Pesti-chan and Demo-chan doing?"
Dark Mayhem: "No word yet. It must be more serious than we thought."
Carnage: "So what are we supposed to do in the meantime?"
Chaos: "I know! We could watch this Anime video I just picked up from the store!"
[Chaos quickly wheels in a portable entertainment system and pops in the tape. Two minutes of play later....]
Chaos: "So, what do you think of the movie?"
Carnage: [sweatdrop!] "Chaos, you moron, this video's dubbed in Zentradi!"
Chaos: ^^v "Daijobu! It's got a Raalgon subtitle option!"
[Cue the facevaults!]
Dark Mayhem: "I guess we'll do the obligatory recap stuff somewhere in the first scene to this turkey. We might as well cue the fic then, once the others get back anyways."
[Pesti-chan & Demolition walk in!]
Carnage: "So, how'd it go?"
Pesti-chan: [handing Carnage a toilet seat] "Don't ask."
Carnage: [sweatdrop!] "......"
[Cue the fic!]
FANBOYS IRRELEVANT, F9: KOF (KING OF FANFICS)!!!
Part III: The Replacement Fanboys
Hysteria: ^-^ "Hai! And to celebrate the kawaii little replacement-chan, let's have a kawaii little tea party-chan and read Hysteria's latest kawaii little fic-chan: Astroboy Detective Conan!"
At the risk of stating the obvious, Hysteria was unceremoniously punted out of the apartment. "Uberkawaii twit," Demolition muttered as he dusted his hands off. "I vote she's the first one we replace."
"Osamu Tezuka's rolling in his grave thanks to that Hysteriafic of hers," Dark Mayhem agreed as he finished up prepping for dinner in the kitchen. "Gentlemen," he announced proudly. "I present to you the true feast of otakings: our Chinese takeout shall arrive shortly!"
Fanboys: ^-^ "Wai!"
It was proving to be quite the eventful fic. Gone were the pointless rantings, and a decent yet engrossing plot had been put into their place. Well, actually there still are a lot of pointless rantings and it's a half-assed plot at best. But since when did a plot ever contribute to the integrity of a story?
Certainly not with almost every hentai Anime out there!
Anyhoo, having retired to their apartment in the aftermath of Nehelenia's Mirror Paradery attack, the fanboys opted to unwind by watching a pay-per-view cage match between Escaflowne's resident psychopath Dilandau, and Outlaw Star's equally freaky Harry MacDougall. Currently it appeared as if both combatants had managed to severely injure each other, and were stumbling around the ring, shrieking wildly.
Dilandou: "My face!!"
Harry MacDougall: "My arm!!"
Dilandou: "My face!!"
Harry MacDougall: "My arm!!"
Carnage: --;; [aiming his Buster Beam] "Let's just put them both out of our misery...."
Chaos: o.O "Kyaaaaa! Shoot the freak boys, not the TV, Carnage! Shoot the freak boys, not the TV!"
"At least it's not a triple-threat with Shinri Shiogami from Nazca," Pesti-chan sighed as he reclined on one of the couches. He turned and glared at Chaos, who was busy bandaging himself up from his F9! II wounds. "And you so much as mention that 'Nazca of the Valley of the Reincarnated Inca Wind' fic...!!"
A battered Chaos stuck his tongue out at Pesti-chan. "That lynch mob just had a case of temporary insanity. They'll be back in a few hours to bow before my writing skills. Just wait and see."
"Somehow I don't think I'll be holding my breath," Demolition retorted. "Chaos, your fics have all the depth of Mariah Carey's latest album...or any of her albums for that matter."
Chaos beamed. "Thank you!"
"Baaaaaaaka," the fanboys chorused, turning back to the cage match. Moments later the two freaked out combatants were annihilated by a Satellite Strike, the channel going to static. The logo of an evil SD Largo (clad in a red cape) atop a chibified orbital platform appeared with the caption: 'we are experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by.'
"I had thirty thousand yen on that match," Dark Mayhem stated, eyes narrowing at Carnage. An impish grin appeared on his face. "Fortunately, I saw this coming and bet it all on you."
Still rather blase about the whole thing, Carnage lifted one of his hands and gave the V-sign. "Glad to be of assistance."
"I don't know if I can take much more of this fic," Chaos pouted, tenderly feeling the numerous bumps on his head. "Now that Hotaru's become Sailor Saturn, she can inflict a lot more damage on me. And just why did Naoko have to give her a whip?!"
"Karma?" Pesti-chan ventured.
He got clobbered by a flying cow moments later.
Chaos sniffed indignantly as he turned away from the pile of legs and udder sticking up from the overturned couch. "It's not exactly like I *asked* to be her girlfriend. First I get saddled with an alleged Lolita Complex, but now I have to contend with a Senshi who can go into dominatrix mode!"
Dark Mayhem ominously leaned over Chaos' shoulder. "And if you EVER piss her off on a date and cause her to use Death Reborn Revolution," he growled. "I'm going to find you in whatever Anime afterlife you're hiding in, and let Naoko get Red Queen on your ass."
Chaos: o.O; [kawaii kitty ears] "Kowai!"
"Like it's any better for the rest of us," Carnage said as he changed the channels to something a little more view-friendly. Namely the EVAtubbies. EVA 01 (it's the big purple one, you newbie twit!) was happily being Tinky Winky as it ran around with its purse. And the chibi-Ayanami sun goddess burbled with glee.
Carnage shook his head and groaned at yet another set of stolen SD Deathscythe-chan boxers. "We've now got a bishounen ai terrorizing the male cast--namely me."
Chaos: --;; "And me."
Dark Mayhem: --;; "And me."
Pesti: --;; "And me."
Demolition: ^^v "I'm safe!"
Fanboys: [grrr!] "Shaddup!"
"Not to mention we've still got Nehelenia to contend with," Pesti-chan added as he pushed the couch back to its former and upright position. "And I'm not exactly sure I trust those two guys in the Students Council."
"*Any* group that features Pan-chan and her naughty tentacles of justice isn't exactly something to trust," Demolition stated, shuddering at the thought. "We're just lucky there's so many catatonic students for her to contend with. Otherwise she'd be giving us strip searches all the time."
Dark Mayhem headed back to the kitchen. "And with your disorder, that's a bad thing?" he remarked over his shoulder.
"It's not like she's the one stripping down for me," Demolition grumbled.
Chaos changed the channels on the TV yet again to something a little less eyebrow twitch-inducing. Namely Sesame Street Fighter. SuperGrover was currently kicking Blanka the Grouch's green ass, as the alphabet song played in the background. And who says shonen Anime isn't educational?
"Speaking of nekkid flashes," Chaos said. "What exactly are we going to do about those two?"
Everyone glanced back to the other couch, which had the two Havocs twitching slightly and staring at the room with a glazed, vacant look in their teary Bambi eyes.
Havoc-kun: @.@ "Panties...panties for Havoc?"
Havoc-chan: @.@ "Rule 3 for Havoc-chan?"
"The same thing happened in F5! right before the Dragon Bra Bug," Dark Mayhem remarked nonchalantly.
Demolition nodded and then paused in confusion. "Dragon...Bra Bug?"
"Like we need a repeat of that; that stupid bug's what got Hotaru glomping onto me in the first place," Chaos lamented, taking his one arm out of its sling and testing it out. The limb was working great until Rampage came hopping along and then decided to snack on it. Naturally, Chaos freaked and ran right into the wall.
Nobody paid much attention.
Pesti-chan looked at the others, a worried expression on his face. "You know, at this rate I don't think either of the perverts will survive to the end of this fic."
"Daijobu," Dark Mayhem said in a soothing voice. "Havoc has already ensured that we will give him the finest funeral an uberperv like him deserves."
Carnage perked up with an optimistic smile. "I get to fire him out of the Galaxy Gun?"
Demolition answered that with a derisive snort. "Ha! Odds are his Cream Lemon would have already hit the rigormortis stage, and instead of fluffy white stuff we'd get blocks of frozen whipped cream slicing the city apart."
Carnage: --;; "Fireball."
Demolition: ^-^ "Payback."
Desolation: [wheeling a propane tank through the front door] "Say, any of you guys know how to light a gas barbe--?"
"According to his last will and hentaiment," Dark Mayhem said as he walked in front of the large Deso-shaped scorch mark on the front door. "Havoc wants to be laid to rest in a Viking longboat filled with his favourite panties from his collection...as well as lots of Jello and a copy of his unfinished work 'Ah! Megumi-sama!'"
A sweatdrop appeared next to Chaos' head. "Any particular reason as to why?"
Dark Mayhem shrugged. "He wants to go to the hallowed halls where all warrior perverts go when they die: Pervhalla."
[Cue the facevaults!]
"I don't see what all the fuss is," the uber exploder fanboy remarked, stepping over the twitching bodies of Chaos, Pesti-chan and Carnage. "Ami-chan and I booked a room there over six months ago, for whenever this series eventually ends."
Demolition could only shrug as he changed the channels yet again on the television to a less gag-inducing program. Namely Kodamas in Pyjamas.
Kodama #1: [rattling its head] *CLIK CLIK CLIK-CLIK...CLIK*
Subtitle: "Ya thinkin' what I'm thinkin' of, K2?"
Kodama #2: [rattling its head] *CLIK-CLIK...CLIK...CLIK*
Subtitle: "I certainly am, K1!"
Both Kodamas: *CLIK-CLIK-CLIK...CLIK CLIK-CLIK*
Subtitle: "Kick Lady Eboshi's butt!"
"Looks like we might be closer to the end of the series than you think," Demolition remarked. "We've got three different plot lines going simultaneously, and the author doesn't seem very bent on resolving any of them in the near future."
"Sure, the fic might be going to hell in a complimentary fruit basket," Chaos stated calmly. "But you know what: that doesn't worry me. You want to know why?"
"No," the others chorused.
[Chaos walks into the dining area...where a tuxedo-clad Nakago is playing a song from "Annie" on a grand piano.]
Chaos: [taking a microphone as a spotlight comes on him] "After all...the fic will come out, tomorrow!"
Chaos: ^^ "Bet your 5-yen coin that there...will be a fic."
Pesti: --;; "Chaos?"
Chaos: "Tomorrow! To--what? You're ruining my song?"
Pesti: "Chaos, at the rate this story is going, F9! might be our last one. There may be no more fic after this."
Carnage: [looking at the piano] "How'd that suddenly get into the dining room?"
Dark Mayhem: "At least it didn't crash through the ceiling like most everything else."
"If you guys don't mind," Nakago said, standing up from the piano bench to display his mauve, discount tuxedo. "I'd like to take the time to perform a special romantic number for all my fans: Blue Eyes Blue, from my Fushigi Yugi character album."
All the other lights in the apartment faded, except for one that stayed on Nakago. He suavely walked over to Chaos, grabbed the microphone, and then used his chi power to catapult the hapless fanboy into the kitchen sink.
Turning to his audience, Nakago gave a quick pat on the mic to ensure it was working, and then belted out his song in a loud and rather off-key voice.
"Blue Eyes Bluuuueeeee!" he crooned.
Demolition's eyebrow involuntarily twitched as he watched the Seiryuu Seishi do his song. "Lucifer he's not."
"But he's better than SMAP," Dark Mayhem offered.
Pesti-chan just shook his head while reaching for anything with a high dose of alcohol in it. "It's like watching a lounge lizard at work."
"Then maybe I should squash him," Carnage remarked, cracking his knuckles.
Pesti-chan gave Dark Mayhem a questioning look.
"Hey, newts are not lizards!" the uber exploder fanboy snapped. "Lizards are reptiles, and I'm part amphibian, okay?!"
"That still doesn't stop you from singing 'Lalala, Never Give Up' in the bath at the top of your lungs," Pesti-chan muttered darkly.
Dark Mayhem took the jab in stride, swiftly punting Pesti-chan into the wall. 6 SD Pesti-chans tumbled onto the floor in a dazed heap immediately after the unceremonious impact with the wall.
SD Pesti #6: [atop the other Pesti-chans] "Ya call that a smite, you purple-haired, self-inserted idiot?!"
[Cue Dark Mayhem punting the piano onto them!]
Other SD Pesti's: [grrrr!] "Stop encouraging him, dammit!"
Suddenly the front door was kicked open, and in staggered Anarchy and Tasuki from their latest Sake-drinking and karaoke bar-terrorizing binge. Tasuki was in rather high (and highly inebriated) spirits as he shouted, "Now this is my kinda way to spend a--!"
But right at that exact moment he spotted Nakago.
Tasuki: o.O "Blondie!"
Nakago: o.O "Fang-boy!"
Nakago's eyes narrowed as the kanji for "mind" appeared on his forehead. "I will have no one disrupting my character song. And this time Tamahomo's not around."
Anarchy's eyes narrowed as she realized Nakago was powering up for an attack. "Nobody hurts the guy who's paying for all my Sake in this series!" she snarled.
"Yeah!" Tasuki ardently agreed. "Nobody hurts the--(o.O;) I'm paying for ALL your Sake?!"
Chaos nervously looked from Anarchy to Nakago. "They are going to try and destroy each other."
"And just destroy us instead," Demolition added, quickly scribbling some writing on a demon ward. "Maybe I can create a barrier to protect me."
"What about the rest of us?" Chaos exclaimed.
"Like I said, maybe I can create a barrier to protect me," Demolition replied, sticking the wards all around the kitchen. "These abs didn't get so muscular by themselves. Do you have any idea how many Orcs and dragons I had to kill, the experience levels I had to gain for this physique?"
A sweatdrop appeared next to Chaos' face. "Demolition has gone bye-bye, Mayhem. Any other ideas?"
"There's only one thing that can save us," Dark Mayhem stated. He quickly stepped up beside Nakago, and handed the Seiryu Seishi a large Suoh plushie. "Hold this," he stated.
Nakago abruptly powered down, a confused look on his face as he studied the oversized plushie. "What the?"
Dark Mayhem: "HI, SUOH-CHAN!!"
Hysteria: ^-^ [smashing through her door in a mad dash] "Suoh-chan Suoh-chan Suoh-chan!!"
At the risk of stating the obvious, Nakago was no longer going to be a reoccurring character in this fanfic, now chained along with Tora at Hysteria's kawaii little tea part table-chan. And there was much kawaii frilly apron-wearing.
Nakago: [sweatdrop!] "What's with the French Poodle cut?"
Tora: --;; "Shut up, nancy-boy."
Anarchy rolled her eyes and dragged Tasuki down Sarcasm's bishounen den for the usual all-nite jacuzzi binge, once again proving that even though she was rather peripheral to any plot, she could kick anyone's ass on a whim. Despite the fact that Dark Mayhem was the one who had intervened this time. So she didn't really prove anything.
Um...is there some other upstanding moral to the last two pages that we can think of? Anyone? Anyone at all? You there, third otaku to the left! Speak up and be heard!
Jinnai: "Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of El Hazard? Only the Shadow People know. Bwah ha...bwah ha hah...Bwah hah ha ha hah HAH HA HAH HA HA HAH!!!!"
Maybe we should just cue the next scene instead.