Once again, Tokyo was in trouble because a lone Boomer had decided to go postal on GENOM. And naturally, the AD Police department had arrived just in time to get their Kevlar-clad butts kicked across most of the street. But this was a part of AD Police protocol, which contractually obligated them to get throttled with embarrassing ease.
With a mighty roar, the mutated cybernetic Boomer stood up on its hind legs and howled amidst the flames and mass destruction around it. Leon loaded up his 3-shot revolver, partially wishing this was in some way related to an F! File. They could have definitely used Commander Pandemonium's naughty tentacles of justice right about now...not to mention her arm-mounted rocket launchers.
Another AD Police cruiser swerved onto the street, its sirens blaring and lights flashing. Despite knowing how much his insurance premiums would skyrocket (much akin to how Chaos' li'l body would skyrocket into low orbit via punting, once his "Excelion Saga" fic hit the fanfiction.net website), the rookie officer floored his cruiser right at the Boomer.
The Boomer lumbered as it turned around, its dead robotic eyes caught in the headlights. Then it just casually sidestepped the cruiser, the AD Police car driving straight past the nonchalant Boomer before crashing into a china store.
Yet the Boomer's moment of glory was doomed to be short-lived. Atop one of the nearby roofs, four Knight Sabres in their hardsuit battle armour watched the fracas down below. AD Police officers were scattering like otaku encountering Hysteria's "Marmalade Boy Detective Conan" fic.
"Well, I suppose we should go down and help them," Linna remarked from inside her hardsuit. "Give us the command, Sylia."
Sylia: [striking a dramatic pose] "Knight Sabres, sangai!"
Nene: [sweatdrop!] "Um...Sylia, shouldn't it be 'sanyo'? Sangai means havoc."
[Priss growls as she stomps over to Sylia's hardsuit, and pops the helmet off to reveal--!]
Havoc-kun: ^-^ "Oro?"
Priss: --;; "I should have known."
Havoc: [shifting around in the hardsuit] "My hips are chaffing in this."
"Not you again!" Nene cried out in dismay. "What have you done with Sylia?"
Havoc shrugged as he undid the rest of the hardsuit. "Nothing that hasn't already been done in Bubblegum Pink."
NeNe blushed upon hearing that. "Oh."
"Speaking of all things ecchi," Linna added, removing her own helmet. "What happened about last night? We waited for you in the Silky Doll for over an hour! By that time we started the Rule 3 orgy all by ourselves!"
Havoc laughed in embarrassment. "Aha haaaa...that. Well, there was a little problem with my Mojo'o-sama, but it's all fixed now. In fact, Sylia's waiting for us at the Silky Doll."
"What happened to Mackie?" Priss inquired sceptically.
"Oh, I've arranged a blind date for him," Havoc replied with an evil chuckle.
[Meanwhile, at a local restaurant.]
Mackie: o.O; [staring across the table] "YOU'RE my date tonight?!"
Daley Wong: ^^v "I love this OVA series."
Havoc draped his arms over NeNe and Linna, also taking the chance to cop a feel off their bosoms. With Priss' panties in his one hand, the Hentenno proclaimed, "Onwards, to answer the call of the wet n' wild!"
But then suddenly an Aestevalis dropped down from the skies above, landing on half of the roof (and caving it in). A rather surprised Havoc looked up at the mecha. "That's not the Pervmobile."
The cockpit hatch opened up with a hiss of air, and out from it emerged Carnage. "It's a good thing I came by!" he exclaimed, climbing down the mobile suit. "Havoc, I've noticed that you've been having too many lemon scenes as of lately."
"I have?" Havoc asked, warily leaning away from Carnage.
Carnage nodded, slapping Havoc on the shoulder. "You see, Havoc, fanfiction is all about balance. There's a time for lemons, and there's a time for fics. You can't be having sex all the time and neglecting our series."
A still bewildered Havoc was led away by Carnage, leaving a stunned group of horny Knight Sabres behind. Not exactly sure what sort of protest he should voice, if any, Havoc let himself be shoved into the Aestevalis' cockpit. The Aestevalis took off, making its way back to the fanboys' apartment.
"Konban wa!" Carnage called out to the other otaku as he escorted Havoc through the front door. Chaos, Pesti-chan, Dark Mayhem and Demolition all waved from where they were watching Anime.
Carnage: [gesturing to Havoc] "Guys, I brought along Havoc. He's been having way too much hentai."
Chaos: >.< "WHOA!"
Demolition: [wince!] "Oh, that's harsh, Havoc."
Pesti: [sigh!] "I know what that's like!"
Dark Mayhem: [tossing Havoc some Hard Lemonade] "Here, have some alcohol. We were just about to get into some plot exposition. You're welcome to join us."
Havoc: ^-^ "Hai! Thanks for saving me from all those self-gratuitous lemon scenes, guys."
[Cue Havoc suddenly waking up!]
Havoc: o.O;; "Kyaaaaaaa!! Oh, what a horrible dream!"
[Abruptly the bedside phone rings.]
Havoc: [picking up the receiver] "Moshi Moshi?"
NinNin: "I want the sploot!"
Havoc: --;; "You can't handle the sploot!"
After learning about the attack of the mirror paradery, the Sailor Senshi were on stand-by alert. Their evening meeting, however, had turned up nothing. Rei for one was still taking the threat seriously and after the meeting came to meditate in front of the sacred fire. With any luck she'd catch a glimpse or a vision of the culprit behind this.
Or she might get some ecchi glimpse of Carnage in the shower again.
Miyu: "Don't get your hopes up, pyro-girl."
Rei: --;; "Hey, get out of my thoughts!"
Miyu sighed as she floated down on the floor, and took a sat across from Rei. Moments later the freaky li'l shinma bunny (with one dilated pupil in very sore need of some eyedrops), Shiina, hopped onto her lap.
"You have that Grub guy around here too?" Rei asked.
"His name is Larva," Miyu stated icily, her golden eyes narrowing.
Rei just shrugged and relaxed her sitting position. As it was somewhat hot in the room, she loosened the folds of her miko's kimono slightly. "So what did you want to talk about?"
"Carnage, naturally," Miyu replied. "Look, I've played the cute little vampire shinma girl long enough. You want to date him, you'll have to go through me first."
Upon hearing that, Rei laughed and drew out a demon ward from somewhere in the folds of her kimono. She brandished the inked paper as if to stick it to Miyu's forehead. "Sounds simple enough."
Suddenly Miyu snatched the demon ward from Rei's hand and used it to blow her nose. "Arigato!" she said with an impish smile, handing the used ward back to Rei. "These cool evenings are the worst for runny noses."
"That was so not funny," Rei stated, making a face and discarding the demon ward. "And why do you get first dibs on him? He's my Akito-chan too! At least I'll age along with him. Twenty years from now you'll still look like jailbait."
Miyu giggled and glanced down at Shiina. "Did you hear that, Shiina? It seems she's forgotten I can make him into a vampire, as immortal as I am."
"Ano...you just give people beautiful fantasies to live in when you take their blood," Shiina piped up, scratching her head in confusion.
Miyu swatted the rabbit-like youma. "Shut up, Shiina."
"Well, what do you see in him?" Rei asked the vampire princess. Miyu looked at her in mild surprise. "Go on, tell me," Rei insisted. "I want to see why you're so bent on dating Akito-chan."
After a moment or two of consideration, Miyu answered, "Carnage is just so cute when he's panicky or in an irate SD mode, but he's got so much demon potential in him. When I first showed up, I'd almost mistaken him for a malevolent shinma. Now I realize he's just a malevolent fanboy. Either way, I'm a sucker for those cute badboy types, since most of the pleasant innocent ones I encounter always wind up as youma fodder."
She then added as an afterthought. "I also like the smell of his aftershave."
[Fanboy's note: Eau de Taurus, anyone?]
"And here I always thought that smell was from his Zechs Wax," Rei muttered to herself. With Miyu's prodding of returning the favour, she considered why she liked Carnage so much. "It's the hair. Definitely the hair," she explained. "I love styling it. And I've got a thing for anyone who can literally play fire like I do. Plus he's got a nice bare chest."
Miyu looked surprised. "Really? I've heard he shaves it every night with a Zanba sword."
"No kidding!" Rei laughed. "I'd always heard he used a beam sabre to do that!"
For one brief moment they both shared in some girlish laughter, blushing slightly. And then they immediately scowled and tried to roast their rival with a rampant fireball. However, the only thing that suffered any injury was the floor polish.
"It's obvious neither of us are going to bend," Miyu sighed, closing her fist and snuffing out the fireball in her palm. "I guess we'll just have to settle this once and for all."
"My pleasure," returning the glare.
The two immediately set out for a best 2-out-of-3 match in Jun Ken Po, winner take Carnage. Take him to where...we'll leave that up to your imagination, even though odds are it would involve a make-out/flambe session in the backseat of a Gundam.
Unexpectedly, one of the screens was slide aside to reveal Setsuna. Dressed in some rather casual clothes, she removed her sunglasses and smiled pleasantly at Rei. "Konban wa. I'm not disturbing you, am I?"
Rei faltered in a response; the Outers rarely ever came here on personal visitation, and even at tonight's meeting it had only been the Inners attending. "S-Setsuna? What are you doing here?"
Setsuna gave a quick glance around the room, but the expression on her face showed that whatever she'd come looking for wasn't in the room. "Either of you seen Havoc?" she asked.
Having been around the fanboys long enough, this sort of question from Setsuna of all women surprised Rei & Miyu. They stared at her in mild confusion.
"He hasn't been around for the past few days," Rei said.
Miyu nodded in agreement. "Have you checked Planet Hentai?"
Setsuna winced as she heard Planet Hentai get mentioned. "Er...he's not around there, I can assure you. Do either of you know where I might find him?"
"You could try the apartment Akito and the guys live at," Rei suggested. "Other than that, knowing Havoc he's liable to be stealing panties all over the city."
Setsuna opened her mouth as if to say something, but then abruptly stopped. "Oh. Well, if he does come bounding around, could you tell him I was looking for him?"
And with that she quietly left the Fire River temple.
Rei wordlessly nodded, her jaw hanging open.
Miyu blinked a few times but was unable to say anything. Hopping around on the floor, Shiina remarked, "Was it just me, or did she sound disappointed in not finding Havoc here?"
It was six forty-five in the morning.
Time for the fanboys to rouse themselves and get ready for yet another school day. A groggy Pesti-chan's eyes fluttered open as a small Piyo Piyo alarm clock went off. He lifted his head and rubbed his eyes, the previous night's activities a distant blur after the sixth bottle of Sake. He rolled himself from off the kitchen counter and shuffled to the fridge.
Upon opening the fridge door, he encountered Desolation's severed head, sitting on the shelf above the vegetable crisper.
Desolation's head: ^-^ "Hell of a night, ne?"
Pesti: [groggily nodding] "I'll say. Where's your body?"
Desolation's head: "Oh, probably somewhere out in Tokyo with a picture of my head and a 'Missing' sign."
[But in actuality....]
"Whaddaya mean I've got another one?!" Ranma shouted angrily. "I can barely handle three fiances plus Kodachi, let alone anyone else! And...and this?!"
Genma Saotome sighed and gestured to the Tendo Dojo's newest guest. Ranma and Akane were still both in shock, gawking at the sight in front of them. With a diplomatic clearing of the throat, Genma awkwardly began.
"You see," he explained. "Ten years ago I sold your nuptial agreement for a bowl of ramen. This is your new fiance, Ranma."
Desolation's decapitated body: [tapping its foot] "......"
Kasumi: "Oh my. This will put a crimp in my date with Deso-chan tonight."
Pesti-chan shrugged and fished out a bottle of Hard Lemonade. "Wu's will be Wu's, I guess," he yawned. "Could you give me a hand?"
"Hai!" Desolation opened his mouth and then chomped down on the bottlecap before effectively popping it off.
"Thanks," Pesti-chan said, closing the door behind himself. He stumbled out from the kitchen just in time to hear the Fairy GodBabbit exclaim, "Hey, look at that! The inside light really does turn off when you close the door!"
Grabbing himself a bowl of Martian Successor Nabisco cereal, Pesti-chan surveyed the shambles that had been their living room. Suffice to say, they all had decided to bravely face their written destiny...and get absolutely smashed while watching Anime. Avatars, hardshell & DVD cases, and bottles of Sake were laid out in scattergore fashion.
Dark Mayhem was sleeping with his back on the floor, his legs sticking up in the air and a slumbering Catastrophe-chan cuddled up on his stomach. Oddly enough, Dark Mayhem was the one happily sucking on the pacifier. Demolition was sprawled out belly-down on one of the couches...well, half of him anyways. His legs were dangling over the edges, pieces of battle armour littering the floor around him. Carnage was clinging tenaciously to his beam cannon, using it as a pillow.
And Chaos was sleeping atop the bigscreen TV set, one arm and leg dangling over the front. He was still notably wearing a slinky blue cheongsam he had borrowed from Usagi a few nights prior.
However, it appeared that Pesti-chan wasn't the only one up this early in the morning. His eyebrow twitched as he saw a lone Havoc-kun sitting there at the dining room table, hunched over what looked to be a bowl of Cream Lemon. The former uberperv was busy sculpting something...rather phallic out of his Cream Lemon breakfast. As if sensing he was being watched, Havoc looked up at Pesti-chan with a perfectly calm expression on his face.
Havoc: "This means something. This is important."
Pesti: ^-^;; "Oooooh yeah, he's snapped."
Downing the contents of his Hard Lemonade bottle in about ten seconds and then devouring his cereal, Pesti-chan decided that it was time to get the plot moving once more. Getting Dark Mayhem awake proved childishly simple, if one knew what sort of ecchi Ami-chan photos to have developed.
Of course, Catastrophe-chan wasn't too thrilled about the spontaneously combusting fireball, and immediately sought shelter with someone else. Namely, Chaos. Of course, Chaos wasn't too thrilled with having a baby SD Godzilla-thingy for a mascot jumping on him, and immediately freaked and bounced into the air.
He landed on Carnage.
Jolted from his sleep, Carnage shouted, "My boxers, Rei! No fondling!" before accidentally pulling the trigger on the beam cannon. The apartment rumbled as a large hole was blasted through the ceiling and into the apartment above them.
"Well that was surprisingly effective," Pesti-chan remarked as he watched an irate SD Carnage trying to smack Chaos down with a zanba sword. The only one left to wake up was Demolition.
That proved to be easier said than done.
"Yo, Demolition, get your dragon-wrestling ass in gear," Pesti-chan said, punching the RPG fanboy in the shoulder.
Demolition muttered something that could have been coherent, and slapped a demon ward on Pesti-chan's head. Pesti-chan instantly cracked apart, SD #3 twitching violently as the ward refused to remove itself from his head.
SD Pesti #3: x.x "Ack! Viagra! Viagra!"
"Demo-san, come on!" SD Pesti #5 persisted, shaking Demolition's shoulder. "It's time for us to get up and contribute something to the plot! We have to get up and leave for Jyuban in forty minutes!"
Demolition swatted the li'l Chibi-Pesti off. "There is nothing you could do that could possibly force me to get up," he slurred.
"In that case," Dark Mayhem remarked nonchalantly, tossing a small manuscript onto Demolition's back. "You won't mind if we leave you with Hysteria's biographic epic on Mokona: The Dao of Puu?"
Demolition: o.O;; [leaping off the couch!] "KYAAAAAA!! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!"
Moments after he calmed down, Demolition glared at the uber exploder fanboy. "I can only trust you did something worse to wake up my brother?"
"Does using Chaos count?"
They stopped talking as the front door suddenly swung open. In stumbled Havoc-chan, looking completely in shock and covered from head to toe in Cream Lemon.
"What the hell happened to you?" Carnage asked as he tried to stuff Chaos between the cushions of the nearest couch.
Havoc-chan made her way towards the kitchen, a white and creamy trail left in her wake. "I...I went out to buy a panty from one of those used panty vending machines down the street," she said in a distant voice. "And then...boom."
She clapped her hands together.
"I got run over by an out-of-control Chibi-Havoc tsunami."
Everyone gawked at this latest turn of events.
"Masaka!" Pesti-chan exclaimed. "You mean you can buy panties from vending machines in Japan, and no one told me about this?!" The other fanboys slowly looked at him. "Number Three talking there," he hastily added.
Dark Mayhem rolled his eyes as he headed to his bedroom to change into his uniform. "I don't even know if I actually want to go outside today. Between Saturn gunning to date Chaos, Nehelenia just plain gunning for all of us *and* Havoc's mojo'o-sama running out of ammo to gun with, this can't be a good omen."
One of the bedroom doors further down the hall opened up, and out bounded Hysteria. Much to everyone's annoyance, she was incredibly awake and already dressed in her fuku uniform. "Ohayo, minna-chans!" she called out, as abnormally perky as ever. "Isn't it a great, kawaii little day-chan to be alive?"
Havoc-chan: x.x "Oroooo-oo-oo-oo-oo...."
Hysteria: [sweatdrop-chan!] "Havoc-momma not withstanding."
"How can you be so damned perky this early in the morning?" Chaos groaned, making his way to his wallscroll for a room.
Hysteria pouted, taking a seat at the kitchen table. "Not all of Hysteria's days are Wedding Peachy keen-chan," she huffed. "Hysteria was up all night working on her new Pokerat fic-chan, and is crossing it with the kawaii little Sailormoon universe-chan. And Hysteria's kind of stumped."
Dark Mayhem suddenly leaned out from his room, showing off an optimistic smile. "Really?"
"Mayhem, she said she was stumped not stomped," Pesti-chan corrected, scratching his hair as he headed for the bathroom. "I call first dibs on the shower."
The smile immediately left Dark Mayhem's face. "Oh. Well, that was a bitch of a let-down."
"Anyhoo-chan," Hysteria continued, scanning the notes of her Hysteriafic. She paused to pull one of her kawaii little pencils out from her bunches of hair. "Hysteria needs help with a kawaii little name-chan for a town. Should it be PallaPalla Town, or PalletPallet Town?"
Carnage glowered at her. "How about PummelPummel Town?"
However, instead of taking insult, Hysteria just giggled and bounded over to the kitchen. "Carnage-poppa's so silly!"
"STOP CALLING ME CARNAGE-POPPA! I DON'T CARE IF THE PATERNAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE!!"
Demolition shook his head as Hysteria ducked underneath his arm. "You think maybe someone took a leak in her gene pool?" he ventured while chewing on some toast.
Any reply was interrupted by the ringing of the phone. Being the closest, Demolition reached over and answered it. "Moshi moshi?" He blinked a few times in surprised when he heard who the caller was. "Um...Havoc, it's for you. It's Kintaro."
Havoc-kun tried to use Kacchu Tenkin Amapantiken to snatch the phone, but only wound up snatching Rampage instead. She hooted and then licked his face before jumping off the table and searching for a ridiculously-cute mascot to snack on.
Luckily for her, Rampage happened across a crashed Martian ship filled with bizarre little "Puchu" teddybears. And while Hyatt dropped dead yet again, Rampage gorged herself on the entire Puchu crew.
Demolition sighed and tossed Havoc-kun the phone. "Kintaro, how are you doing?" Havoc asked into the receiver. "You perving the good fight?"
But Kintaro's reply was far from cheerful. "Hentenno-sama, it's horrible!" he exclaimed. "Red Queen Kasumi's taken over Planet Hentai and turned it into a Bondage Queen Kate wetdream! The Jello wrestling pit's been drained, the private nyotaimori rooms have been replaced with dungeons and chains, and today they're auctioning off your omnilingus chair!"
Havoc scowled. "Fuckleducks."
"And that's not the worst of it," Kintaro added in a hushed, frightened voice. "She's writing fics! And they're just plain wrong; she's destroying the reputable name of hentai we worked so hard to erect."
"Well what is she writing?" Havoc-kun asked. His eyebrow developed an unpleasant twitch as he recited the titles Kintaro named. "Sailor Munhihausen...Jojo'o-sama's Kinky Adventure...Super Taboorin?!"
Demolition's jaw hung open at the last one. Hysteria shrieked and dropped her bento box onto the ground. Even Carnage froze, no longer polishing his Zanba sword.
"Super what?!" Pesti-chan, Chaos and Dark Mayhem exclaimed as their head poked out of the doorways.
[Fanboy's Note: Tonde Boorin refers to the wondrously suicide-inducing, magical girls Anime about a young lass who, when evil arises, turns into...well, Superpig. Gives new meaning to that whole 'This is SO wrong!' concept, ne?]
"Havoc," Kintaro hissed over the phone. "I can't take much more of this. I'm losing my will to study. At this rate--er, I'm not calling anyone, Red Queen Kasumi...(o.O;) No! NO!! Not the top of the Shinjuku Towers! Nothing good ever happens on top of the Shinjuku Towers! KYAAAAA--"
The line abruptly went dead.
Havoc-kun lowered the receiver. "It is a dark day for Doji," he stated sombrely.
Chaos: [buttoning up his jacket] "You know, I've been meaning to ask this. If Havoc's lost his perverted groove, just why was he the same old uberperv during the Halloweenfic and Rocky Haruka?"
Dark Mayhem: "Chaos, you twit, those were omakefics. They happen outside the actual fanfics. Continuity doesn't mean a thing in them."
Pesti: [darkly] "Like continuity has ever meant anything to our author."
[Fanboy's Note: the remarks made by the fanboys about the fallibility of the author are not necessarily the views shared or endorsed by His lordship Chaos...even if he does laugh whenever someone mentions the word 'continuity.']