"He'll bounce right out of it, I'm sure," Dark Mayhem offered as he stepped out from the bathroom, partially dressed in the Jyuban male uniform.
Demolition shrugged. "Look at it this way, Havoc: if it's a curse doing this, you just have to find a counter-curse or something to either seal it or break it. That's the way it works in Anime."
"I'm surprised you're helping him," Pesti-chan remarked as he emerged from the shower and ducked into his room. He closed the door behind himself as he changed.
"Hey, it's either him or Red Queen Kasumi running the lemon genre," Demolition stated. "Havoc's the lesser of the two evils."
"Ohayo, Deso-head-poppa!" came her voice behind him, as Hysteria opened up the fridge.
Deso-head: [glancing over at the Fairy Godbabbit] "I didn't know you wore your ears in curlers. How do they stay so pointy during the day?"
Fairy Godbabbit: "Lots and lots of styling gel."
Hysteria quickly wrapped up her kawaii little sandwich-chans for lunch and then stuffed them into her Nurse Angel Ririka bento box. However she hadn't quiet realized that Deso's severed head had spent a good portion of the night dripping blood onto them. Naturally no good could come of this.
"Hysteria's ready for kawaii little school-chan!"
"We're not-chan!" chorused the male avatars.
Heading towards Jyuban High in a cluster formation, four Inner Senshi were discussing their love lives. And especially how their respective boyfriends revelled in putting the 'fun' back into dysFUNctional relationships.
"Mamoru wasn't at his apartment," Usagi said, looking more worried than ever. "I checked last night, and it seemed as if he'd been there earlier. But there was no sign of him at all. It's as if he disappeared. I'm getting really worried."
She reached into her schoolbag and fished out a pair of shuriken stars. "I also found these sticking out of the coffee table. And it looked like he rummaged through his underwear drawer too."
Riot: [turning to Ruckus] "Most dishonourable."
Ruckus: ^^;; "Hey, I have to co-ordinate his clothes, don't I?"
Riot: "You could have...if Nehelenia hadn't beaten us in Mamoru theft-fu. I shall have to refine my technique to ensure our next match will not be so easy for her."
Ruckus: [eyeroll!] "Samurai."
"Do you think his disappearance might have something to do with those mirror paraderies we encountered yesterday?" Makoto ventured, looking up at the blue skies overhead. "The two events seem too close to be just coincidence."
She glanced over at her friends. And promptly sweatdropped in finding that none of them were paying any attention to her.
"Just how far along have you and Carrot gotten anyways?" Minako was asking Ami.
Ami blushed and then winked at Minako. "Oh, we've certainly had our fair share of fanservice. However...we can't get past his faulty dating chromosome. I recommended an experimental genetic treatment, but Carrot-chan freaked when the word 'sterile' was mentioned."
"At least you can get a hold of him," Minako reassured Ami. "Na-chan either sploots or bounds off whenever I glomp him. Although...lately I haven't been able to find him at all."
Usagi's eyes widened. "Masaka! You mean someone kidnapped both of them!"
"I doubt it," Makoto countered, pointing down the street. "Here he comes with the rest of the guys."
Still looking a little worse for wear from their Anime binging the night prior, the fanboys all forced a genki smile as the natural pairings off took place. Ami snuggled up next to Dark Mayhem, who tried chanting, "I will not combust, I will not combust, I will not--"
"Daijobu," Ami-chan said as she helped wipe the ash off the uber exploder fanboy's face. "Once I remove that faulty dating chromosome from your genetic code, we'll be able to rent a room at that love hotel you pointed out last week."
Demolition pouted as he watched Dark Mayhem and Ami. "Why can't I have a character defect like that?" he lamented. "At least Mayhem gets a babe. I get stuck with that Herself fairy if I'm half-lucky!"
Chaos let out a bark of laughter (which no doubt frightened all the nekojin in the area). "Ha! Being single has its advantages, Demolition. At least you don't have to worry about your date giving you the bitch-slap to end the world and all other bitch-slaps."
"Her newfound age and libido doesn't help you either, Chaos," Pesti-chan added, walking hand in hand with Makoto. However, he suddenly tripped over Rampage and then broke apart as he hit the ground.
Makoto's eyebrow twitched as she found herself ankle-deep in a failing pile o' Pesti's. SD Pesti #4 tenaciously clung to her arm, his chibi legs kicking around in the air.
SD Pesti #4: o.O;; "Kyaaaaa! I'm slipping!"
Makoto: [looking at Demolition] "You see what I have to work with here."
Demolition: ^-^ "Does that mean you're available?"
Needless to say, Demolition was suddenly attacked by a horde of irate and jealous chibi-Pesti's. "Leave our Mako-chan alone!" they exclaimed, clamouring all over Demolition's towering stature.
Not even remotely feeling their chibified punches and bootings against his armour and muscles, Demolition shook his head, and then just shook off all the Pesti-chans. Undaunted, they all encircled him and began to channel their smiting powers.
SD Pesti #6: "Eat Rumblequake!"
[Cue the 6 chibi-Rumblequakes converging on Demolition!]
However, Demolition quickly conjured up a Raywing spell and flew up out of the way. The SD Pesti-chans' eyes bugged out as the 6 chibi-Rumblequakes collided with each other and then detonated in a rather impressive explosion. The ground beneath them shook before cracking apart and then collapsing. To make matters worse, they happened to be at the top of a sloping hill.
From the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the road, the other fanboys and Inner Senshi watched as the hilltop collapsed. The subsequent landslide roared past them, all the now frantic SD Pesti-chan's caught in the avalanche.
"What was that?" Usagi asked, scratching her head.
"I think it's called a Rumble Bumble," Dark Mayhem glibly replied.
Makoto groaned and massaged her temples as she felt another headache setting in. "I'll get the Bactine."
SD Pesti #4: o.O; [going down the hill!] "TASUKETE!!!"
SD Pesti #1: ;_; "Mako-chan, I regret nothing!"
SD Pesti #5: [pointing at #6] "This is all *your* fault, you realize!"
SD Pesti #6: [trying to climb over the wreckage to pummel #5] "My fault?! Get your ass over here, you ingenue weenie!"
SD Pesti #2: [sipping tea at a nearby cafe] "They really do look like they could use some help. *shrug!* Oh well."
The landslide coasted through an intersection, picking up more momentum. Cars were caught and dragged along. The ground was chewed up, water mains bursting and power poles snapped in half like toothpicks.
The owners of the Cat Cafe were lucky in that the avalanche just missed the front of their restaurant by mere inches. "Shampoo, what's all that noise about?" Cologne asked, venturing out from the kitchen.
Watching the spectacle from inside the cafe, Shampoo simply replied, "Kamui go kablooie, great-grandma."
"Well," Dark Mayhem finally said as the dust cloud at the bottom of the hill subsided to reveal the vast extent of the property damage. "That one's definitely coming out of his paycheque."
Makoto started down the sidewalk, a few steps in front of everyone else. "He was so much easier to romanticise about when there weren't six of him terrorizing the place."
Right behind her, Carnage was confronted by Rei and Miyu, who demanded that he decide which of them he wanted to date the more. Of course this meant his ass would get severely kicked no matter what happened--and since this wasn't a shoujo fanfic, he didn't have the luxury of being wishy-washy and indecisive for the next 16 chapters.
Lucky for him, he was spared delivering a verdict as Rei & Miyu went from giving each other raspberries to lobbing fireballs. Carnage calmly reached into his jacket and pulled out his Rei-ban sunglasses to shield his eyes from the fiery blasts.
"Damn Tenchi Masaki syndrome," he sighed.
"Guys, are we being too jaded about our relationships?" Chaos said to the others. "I mean, I know we're avatars, and usually avatars get whatever they want. We may be cursed, but we still are able to date the Senshi. That's got to count for something."
He abruptly paused as a large series of timpani drums started being pounded, and the theme music for George of the Jungle started up. Then a loud chorus of male baritones were heard to sing, "Priss, Priss, Priss of Neo Tokyo! Strong as she can be!"
[Cue Priss in her Knight Sabre hardsuit, swinging on a vine and giving her best Tarzan yell!]
Male chorus: "Watch out for that Boomer!"
"As I was saying," Chaos continued as the gang stepped around the ensuing Bubblegum Crisis melee. "Even though we have gotten away with what most avatars only dream of not getting flamed for, we're still griping about the little things. Is the grass really that greener of the other side? Do we even have a right to complain? And do these slacks match my earrings?"
His eyes seemed to light up with a bizarre epiphany.
"We have a great, comedic series...a series we can milk...."
And with that, he reverted into a cheerful SD Chaos and went skipping off down the road.
"What was that all about?" Ami asked, stumped as to what had just transpired.
Dark Mayhem shrugged. "Apparently Chaos was channelling a spirit of wisdom. Ne, Demolition, you want to chase after him and exorcise him for us? Ano...Demolition?"
But Demolition was busy talking with Setsuna, who had just appeared out of nowhere was she was often prone to doing. "Well, Havoc was loitering around our apartment this morning," he told her. "But then the both of them just vanished right before we left. No idea where they are now."
With a dejected sigh, Setsuna nodded and thanked Demolition for his help.
"You seem kinda hung-up on his current situation," Demolition observed warily. "You're not actually...missing him, are you?"
"N-No!" Setsuna protested, looking quite shocked and appalled that he would even think such a thing. Shrugging his shoulders, Demolition turned and started after the gang. "Ano...could you do me a favour before you go?" Setsuna called out after him.
Demolition glanced back over his shoulder. "Sure, why not?"
Setsuna awkwardly shuffled her feet. "Could you...um...steal my panties for me?"
Demolition: o.O; "This is the greatest moment of my self-inserted life."
Dark Mayhem: "Too bad the scene's about to change. The readers will never know about your one moment of glory."
Demolition: >.< "KUSO!!!"
In an elevator, silhouetted against a blue sky, a voice spoke: "If the script's lines are not read, the fic will die without...having done something or other."
The outline of Ruckus appeared, seated on the wall. "Well that was inspiring."
The outline of Riot appeared opposite Ruckus. "You rather I compared us to a most dishonourable Piyo Piyo chick?"
The outline of Pandemonium appeared standing behind them, even the silhouettes of her cleavage being larger than life. "Let's cut right to the action!" she proclaimed.
"For the instrumentation of the fanfic!" the otaku all announced with great resolve.
And so the Jyuban Student Council left the elevator and stepped into their private room. Well...they thought it was the student council room anyways. But they quickly discovered that someone had cleverly disguised the place as the fishtank from Sylia's lingerie shop, The Silky Doll. After a few moments of most honourable swim-fu (Pandemonium instantly rose to the surface since bosoms are naturally buoyant ;), the three of them swam back into the elevator and tried another button.
This time the doors actually opened into the right place, dumping a large wave of water along with the three council members. Sprawled out on his chest in a puddle of aquarium water, Riot pushed aside a few octopus tentacles that were dangling in front of his eyes. "Most dishonourable."
"We have seriously got to tell a repairman about that," Ruckus said, wringing out his sleeve. "Now I have to change, otherwise my Speedos will chafe me."
"I didn't need to hear that!" Riot groaned.
The two quickly turned their attention to Pandemonium, who was throwing a very loud hissy fit upon finding a frantic carp wedged between her cleavage, and a Megane Utsubo happily suction-cupped to her butt. "Can someone find me a salt shaker or something?" she called out to the others. And just then she noticed that two more Megane Utsubo's had happily glomped onto her breasts.
Riot deliberately ignored the ensuing laser blasts, adeptly leaping out from his wet clothes and landing in a dry (but identical) uniform nearby. "Now then, if I may call the Student's Council to a most honourable order," he said, taking his seat at the table.
Ruckus reclined in his own chair, whiling his time away with a blowgun. Pandemonium calmly sat down, not about to look down at the two scorch marks on the chest of her uniform. "So did you receive your letter from End of the Fic?" she asked Riot.
Riot nodded. "The time has come for a most impressive showdown, as per SEELE's command. They wish to return the series back onto its true path before any more plot holes occur. We have to act fast...which is why I have already sent them a letter of challenge. Very soon we shall engage them in anything-goes, martial arts End of the Fic-fu."
[Meanwhile, in the classroom....]
Dark Mayhem: "What's with the note?"
Pesti: "Don't know; I found it on my desk. I think it's a letter of challenge. Let's see who's it fro--"
Catastrophe: *CHOMP!!* "chu chu!"
Pesti: --;; "So much for that."
Carnage: [waving it aside] "Aw, it probably wasn't important anyways."
"Yes," Riot continued. "At the most honourable lunch hour, we shall reveal ourselves and force the fanboys to bend to SEELE's program."
"When you said 'reveal'," Ruckus asked hopefully. "Does that mean--?"
"No nekkid yaoi scenes, Ruckus!" Riot snapped.
"Why issue a letter of challenge anyways?" Pandemonium asked. "I'm the truant officer here. I could yank them out of class and strip search them right now if I wanted to."
Ruckus gestured over at Riot, was busy extolling the virtues of his masterful Zen-fu. "It's a samurai thing."
Not unexpectedly, pretty much the rest of the class were vegetables. Everyone was focused intently on their reflections in the mirrors. The fanboys and Senshi filtered into the room, somewhat blase about the whole thing by now.
"Whatever's causing this has to be the same person who attacked the Outers with those Mirror Paradery things," Ami said as she checked the pulse of a student.
Makoto nodded, her arms crossed over her chest. "But what's the connection?"
Usagi could only mourn the disappearance of her beloved Mamo-chan. "Do you think that the paradery things kidnapped him?" she asked.
"So long as he wasn't catnapped, our brains our safe," Carnage muttered aside to Dark Mayhem.
"That does beg the question as to how Tuxedo Kamen would look when turned into a giant helium-filled balloon," Dark Mayhem agreed.
Carnage gave a wicked grin at that. "Maybe I could pop him then with my beam sabre...."
Pesti-chan smacked the uber exploder fanboy's shoulder, and dragged the other otaku over to another corner of the classroom. "Guys, this is serious," he said quietly, making a cautionary glance back at the Senshi. Upon seeing the girls lost in their own conspiracy theories, he resumed talking in a hushed tone. "Because the Senshi never fought Nehelenia before, they don't know what they're up against. At this rate she's going to take over the city."
"Why don't we just tell them about Nehelenia then?" Demolition suggested.
The other fanboys gave him a pointed stare.
"Demo-chan," Carnage stated. "They don't really know this is just a fanfic. You want to shatter them by telling them their reality just our author's twisted idea of a self-insertion fic?"
"Could we get away with leaving that part out?" Pesti-chan asked.
Dark Mayhem shook his head. "Doubtful. If we go to them with all this information on Nehelenia, they're automatically going to interrogate us on how we know so much. And there's bound to be one idiot here who'd let the 4th Wall slip."
Everyone glanced over at Chaos, who was currently preoccupied with scribbling down some sort of travelogue data on a Palmpilot. "Hmmmm...too bad we couldn't get Pioneer to sponsor our fics," he mused to himself. "Then we could advertise complimentary hotsprings and fanservice for all the tourists...."
"Anyhoo," Dark Mayhem resumed. "Technically the Senshi are the heroines of our resident Anime. If we don't want them to grill us, we have to find a way for them to think of a solution by themselves."
"Without us giving away anything that incriminates us?" Pesti-chan countered. "Chaos has a better chance of writing a decent fic!"
Chaos: "Hey, I'll have you know that 'The MacGyuver and his Bio-Booster Swiss Army Knife' was panned by critics as being one of the best atrocities I've committed thus far!"
[Cue the facevaults!]
Carnage: --;; "Does he even know what the word 'atrocity' means?"
Pesti: [twitch twitch!] "He probably thinks it's the name a town located on the continent of 'Rand McNally.'"
Chaos having gone back to giggle at whatever new ill-fated plan he'd devised, the fanboys were still left to find a solution to their problem.
Suddenly Dark Mayhem snapped his fingers. "Of course! This is so damned easy, Crayon Shin-chan could pull it off!"
"Not without showing our girlfriends his 'elephant'," Pesti-chan muttered ruefully.
Dark Mayhem slapped Demolition on the shoulder. "Guess what, Demo-chan? You get to save the scene!"
Demolition perked up. "Can I show them my muscular--?"
"NO," the other fanboys chorused emphatically.
After Dark Mayhem relayed his plan, Demolition was sent over to the circle of Senshi to tell them all about Nehelenia. Casually sorting through his demon wards like they were a deck of cards (the Oni of Clubs, anyone?), he stood just behind Ami and then nonchalantly remarked, "Say, what if the leader behind the Amazon Trio and Amazoness Quartet is responsible for this?"
Naturally the Senshi just didn't seem to notice him, thanks to the Invisible Boyfriend Syndrome.
However, unexpectedly Ami's eyes widened. "Ne," she exclaimed to the others, as if struck by an epiphany. "What if the leader behind the Amazon Trio and Amazoness Quartet is responsible for this?"
Demolition glanced back at the fanboys.
They grinned and gave him a thumbs-up.
Makoto considered what Ami had said. "That would make sense. But what's the connection?"
Demolition sauntered over to Minako and then remarked to the air, "This could be their bid to take over the world. Weren't they trying to find some Pegasus horse in people's dream mirrors?"
"This could be their bid to take over the world," Ami said, repeating exactly what Demolition had spoken. "Weren't they trying to find some Pegasus horse in people's dream mirrors?"
Minako didn't seem overly convinced, her arms folded over her chest. "I don't know," she countered. "If they were going to rip out dream mirrors, why suddenly send those mirror demons after us?"
Demolition shot a quick, panicked glance back at the other fanboys. Pesti-chan immediately pulled out a large cue card for Demolition to see. "Hey, didn't Yarf-chan say something about their Master, that mirror bitch queen Nehelenia?"
Pesti-chan blinked a few times and then consulted the cue card again. A sweatdrop appeared next to his head when he saw Carnage and Dark Mayhem adding their own adjectives to the cue cards in black magic marker.
"Ne," Usagi remarked aloud, still working through that radical and abstract concept known as 'thinking'...thoughts. "Didn't Yarf-chan--"
PallaPalla: [dropping an oversized marble on top of Havoc-kun!] "WHY DO YOU TORTURE PALLAPALLA LIKE THIS?!?!"
Havoc-kun: o.O; [ack!] "What did I do?!"
"--say something about their Master, that mirror bitch queen Nehelenia?" Usagi finished.
Surprised at Usagi's rather crude language, the other Senshi gawked at her. She nervously giggled and defended herself by saying, "I'm hippoglycemic. If I don't eat constantly, I get a little cranky."
"A little?" Makoto inquired.
Ami groaned. "Usagi-chan, that's hypoglycaemia, not hippo. But you may be right. If the Quartet talked about their leader being Nehelenia, then she must be the cause of all this."
Demolition nodded. "After all, we beat all her underlings."
"After all," Makoto stated. "We beat all her underlings."
"No doubt Nehelenia's angry about that and is starting to openly attack us for revenge," Demolition continued. "She's causing students to go catatonic when looking at mirrors, she's kidnapped Mamoru. And now she's trying to hurt us by sending out those mirror paradery demons."
He then puffed out his chest.
"Why, if it wasn't for that sexy Demolition and his manly abs of--"
Super Gundam Crushing Press: *CRUNCH!!*
Needless to say, Demolition was rendered two dimensional beneath a large Deathscythe Hell Custom statue.
"Thank you," Dark Mayhem and Pesti-chan said.
Holding a pan-dimensional rope hanging from the ceiling, Carnage just rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Hitpoint-obsessed twit."
Minako, who had been busy repeating Demolition's monologue, abruptly paused as if her train of thought had crashed at the station and killed hundreds in innocent, bystanding brain cells.
"Something wrong, Minako-chan?" Ami asked.
Minako shook her head. "I don't know. Where did I leave off?"
"Something to do with mirror paraderies and abdominals," Usagi replied with a shrug.
"Oh...well, if I forgot about it, then it must not be very important," Minako said, dismissing the incident.
Desolation: [from beneath the statue] "C-Cruel...."