Dark Mayhem: "Well, Demolition's back may be broken, but it's nothing compared to what you did to his ego, Carnage."
Carnage: ^-^ "What are brothers for?"
Anarchy: >) "Target practice?"
Pesti-chan sweatdropped upon seeing Anarchy standing with them in the classroom. "What are you doing here?"
Anarchy shrugged. "Obligatory walk-on cameo. And really, do I ever need a reason?"
"Usually it's just booze," Dark Mayhem piped up.
"That is true," she agreed after a moment of consideration. "Rumour has it Fujisawa-sensei has a hidden Sake stash somewhere out behind the gym storage shed." Anarchy then thumbed over to a tall man in a suit, talking on a cellular phone. "Oh, and this guy followed me in."
"Daijobu!" Minako cut into the conversation, strolling confidently up to the fanboys. The other Senshi were right alongside her, all of them looking triumphant. "We've got it all figured out: the leader of this Dead Moon Circus group, Nehelenia, is attacking us out of revenge. She's possessed the students, unleashed those mirror paradery thingies, *and* kidnapped Mamoru!"
Ami nudged Minako in the ribs. "Don't forget to tell them about Carrot-chan's abs."
Suddenly a large, demonic Demo-chan erupted from a hellish inferno behind them. "WHOSE abs?!" the youmafied fanboy bellowed.
Pesti-chan promptly grabbed a demon ward hanging from Demolition's belt, and slapped it across Demolition's face. "Too bad it couldn't have been this easy for getting Teke Teke-kun back to normal."
"Well, we wouldn't have had a problem if Hysteria didn't say she was jealous over Teke Teke's cute little scissor-chans," Chaos replied.
"Oh, you've finally decided that being sane didn't live up to the hype, huh?" Dark Mayhem said glibly.
Chaos stuck out his tongue. "Piiiida! I'll have you know that I just figured out an easy way to get some cash."
"I always have lots of cash from the Anime stock markets," the uber exploder fanboy retorted. "It's a good thing all those amnesiacs don't recall how the Paradigm Corporation screwed them over, otherwise their stock would be complete shit."
But Pesti-chan, as well as the Senshi, were more concerned with the Armani-clad stranger in their midst. "Who are you?" Makoto asked him.
"I'm Havoc's agent," the man replied with a rather noticeably British accent. He then went back to his phone conversation. "Listen, Havoc, I'll find ya another babe to feel up. This Mojo'o-sama slump you're in won't last forever, I promise!...Come on, try to think about the positives. I'm sure you're newest fic, Doji Charat, will get rave reviews in Europe...It's not as bad as it sounds...okay, so it is."
Havoc's agent abruptly paused.
"Oh, not this again. Havoc, buddy, we've been through this. I'm working as fast as I bloody can...aw hell! I've got a blow-up doll in the trunk of my car! Use the damn thing already!"
Everyone: o.O; "Uso."
Contrary to popular belief, everyone has a bit of luck in them.
Though whether or not it's good or bad luck remains to be seen. And given how bad luck seemed to follow him like a puppy dog duct-taped to his pant legs, Desolation was thusly nowhere to be seen on a regular basis. Of course...whenever is able to be seen by someone, that someone is usually describing what happened to the police officer on the disaster scene.
But we're going to forget about that incident involving Desolation and the tincan team of Sakura Taisen (also known as the Imperial Floral Assault Unit).
Fairy Godbabbit: [perched on Deso's shoulder] "Ne, will you look at that? It's Alien with wings!"
Desolation: "Actually, they're the demons in Sakura Taisen."
Fairy Godbabbit: "H.R. Geiger's not going to like that copyright infringement."
Desolation: "Neither will I if they try to eat my spleen again."
[Desolation pauses and warily glances down at Iris Chateau-Briande.]
Iris: ^-^ [hugging her teddy bear] "Deso-chan, I want to go on the ferris wheel now!"
Desolation: --;; "I *am* in hell."
Fairy Godbabbit: "I still can't believe Sakura convinced you to babysit Iris. Actually...I can believe why she did it. But with any luck, that demon will messily devour you, and your pain will be over."
Desolation: ^-^ "Hai!"
So, what were we talking about?
Oh, yes, Havoc and the fact that all his perverted luck seemed to have gone right down the drain of the nearest Cream Lemon-filled jacuzzi. For the past two hours, since school had started, he'd been trapped in the gym storage shed out back. As much as he disliked admitting to it, the Hentenno was now having to hide from Miss Hinako, who was still on the prowl around the school grounds.
His Mojo'o-sama had apparently left him and taken the panties with it. Planet Hentai was now being run by his arch-nemesis, Red Queen Kasumi. In fact, with his level of cursedness he was starting to make Chaos look good.
Havoc-kun sat on the edge of a rolled-up floormat, sadly singing to himself, "Nobody knows the trouble I've seen, nobody knows my lemons." He glanced down at the manuscript for his latest fic, Doji Charat, and groaned. "This just isn't happening. I mean, I should know better. Randy-en-Rose?!"
He hung his head dejectedly.
"If Havoc-chan were around, she'd Hiryu Shoten-Bra me for certain...if either of us could still perform that attack."
And then he noticed something odd about his sweater. No longer did the label read DOJI BOY. Instead, some unknown force had rearranged all the letters so his sweater now happily proclaimed YOJI BOD. Havoc grumbled and resisted the urge to tear the sweater off his chest.
"Now I'm annoyed," he muttered. "This curse is really starting to irritate me."
Suddenly a shadow fell over him. Instantly Ruckus pounced, dropping down from the ceiling lights above and happily glomping onto Havoc-kun's back. "Ooooh, looks like I caught myself a hottie who's skipping classes!" he exclaimed.
Havoc didn't even move from where he sat.
His expression showed just how unfazed he was.
"Oh, goodie. You," he remarked darkly, one eye glancing back at the ninja otaku. "My fic is now just so fulfilled."
Ruckus coyly ran a finger down Havoc's sweater, which now read I DO JOB Y. "Oh, I'll be filling more than just your fic."
"I don't suppose I could hand you a 'Get Out Of Glomp Free' card, could I?"
"Not a chance," Ruckus chuckled, blowing into Havoc's ear. "While I could take you to Pan-chan, I think I'll just handle this myself. I've been wanting to see just how good the Hentenno is for quite some time now; you have--er, had quite the reputation among the ladies."
Havoc laboriously rolled his eyes. "Yes, you could ravish me," he agreed. Then he pointed across the storage shed to the large wooden frame of the Yaoi Door. "Or you could have what's behind that door. Take your pick."
Of course, seeing 'yaoi' scrawled onto the door clinched it for Ruckus. With a happy bishounen ai bounce, he leapt through the air and kicked open the door. Instantly dozens of naughty tentacles uncoiled and snaked out. Ruckus shrieked in surprise as the tentacles (unfazed at being perforated with every bladed weapon known to the ninja) wrapped around him and dragged him inside.
NinNin: ;_; [still being abused by the tentacles] "Welcome to my world!"
With an audible "thud!" the Yaoi Door slammed itself shut.
Havoc sighed and shook his head. "Idiot."
[A few hours of utterly useless plot exposition later....]
"Okay," Makoto said as the group were sprawled out on the courtyard lawn for lunch. "So we know that Nehelenia is behind all this. But the question is what do we do about it?"
"How do I get my Mamo-chan back?" Usagi sniffled.
Demolition offered her a hanky, and a new boyfriend. But she didn't exactly think that Masaru and the members of his Sexy Commando Club (all hail the golden, alien shoulderpads!) were dating material.
"And after all that trouble I went through to get into the club too," Demolition huffed, shaking his head at Usagi's rejection. "You wouldn't believe how hard it was to defeat that Susan guy in the red mask."
[Cue the facevaults!]
"Refresh my memory again," Carnage inquired. "Just why are we going to rescue a guy who gets rather easily brainwashed by every sexy, evil girl he meets?"
Pesti-chan grappled onto Carnage's collar. "If Usagi doesn't rescue him and they don't fall in love, then Sailor Moon ceases to exist. Do *you* want the series to end abruptly, and us with it?"
"You'd think he's been trying to do that since he got here," Dark Mayhem said as he fed Ami some sashimi from their bento box. "I mean, how many Dragu Slaves, Satellite Strikes and Gundam attacks have you unleashed upon the hapless city in just this week, Carnage?"
Carnage: "Hey, I'll have you know that the cast of Twisted Tales of Tokyo deserved the smiting they got!"
Pesti: "Let me get this straight, Carnage: you zapped them with a Laguna Blade, killing them instantly--then you dropped an N-2 mine on them--and then you Buster Beamed them?"
Carnage: "Ano...I had to make sure they were completely, fully dead."
Demolition: [sweatdrop!] "There's a difference between just dead, completely dead and completely fully dead?"
Carnage: "Isn't it obvious to you?"
"Getting back to Nehelenia," Makoto said, desperately trying to pull them back to the more important things. "How do we find her? Her power seems to be spread all over the city; we don't even know where to start looking."
"Maybe Haruka and Michiru will know what to do," Ami offered. "My computer can't seem to pinpoint Nehelenia's location; the entire city is saturated with her dark energy."
Carnage reclined on the grass, casually looking up at the sky. "Well, if you think she wants revenge, then she's going to come to us sooner or later."
His casualness then turned to SD ridiculousness as Miyu suddenly materialized and sat on his stomach. "Did you miss me, Carnage-chan?" the vampire princess purred.
"Not as much as I miss the ability to breathe!" he wheezed.
Dark Mayhem nodded in agreement, leaning away from the writhing Carnage and ignoring Miyu's cute giggles. "Carnage does have a point. Why waste all that energy in finding Nehelenia, when we can just be lazy and let her run around the city trying to find us?"
"But what about my Mamo-chan?" Usagi pleaded.
"Usagi, Mamoru could be anywhere," Pesti-chan said as calmly as he could. They had to placate the Senshi somehow. But admittedly they didn't even know what would happen next. "The only thing we can do right now is wait until Nehelenia appears. She's the only one who knows where he is."
Trying her best to put on a brave face, Usagi nodded. And then she gratefully exclaimed, "Arigato, Kamui!" and hugged Pesti-chan. But this being Usagi, she nearly crushed him in a vice-like grip, Pesti-chan's face swelling up and turning blue. Unable to contain himselves, he broke apart into the 6 SD Pesti-chans.
"Like self-inserted ants at a picnic," Demolition muttered, shooing SD Pesti #4 away from his lunch.
"Ooooh! Ant-chans!" came Hysteria's uber-kawaii voice. Everyone groaned as she skipped (and bounced) over to join with them. "Is it okay for Hysteria to come and join the Senshi-momma's and fanboy-poppa's for their kawaii little lunch-chan?"
Minako warily regarded the 10 year-old female avatar who was more endowed than almost all the Inner Senshi. "We'll let you stay if you don't talk," she said.
Hysteria plunk-chaned herself down on the grass and pulled out her bento box.
Hysteria: [hopeful] "You really mean it? You'll let your kawaii little daughter have lunch-chan with you? Macross your heart and hope to die?"
Dark Mayhem: "Will you shut up?"
Hysteria: ^-^ "No."
Dark Mayhem: "Then I'll just die, thanks."
Hysteria started to munch on her sandwiches, contentedly humming the theme song for Marmalade Boy. Abruptly she stopped chewing and stared down at the sandwich-chan in her hand. "This ketchup-chan tastes funny," she said.
Miyu: ^-^ [popping up] "Are you going to eat all of that?"
Abruptly the vampire princess straightened up. "Does anyone else here feel a strange draft?"
Everyone grabbed their bento boxes and leaned back, just in time to witness Havoc-chan crashing down from above and faceplanting onto the ground. "Kuso...was so close that time," her muffled voice came from the grass.
"Otoka-san, get back here!" Pandemonium's voice shouted across the campus quad. "You may be able to dodge Hinako-sensei, but you won't escape me!"
Havoc-chan winced as she picked herself up off the ground. "Yare yare, Pan-chan's really tenacious. I swear, you cop one feel off her...."
But already Pandemonium was racing across the grounds, her naughty tentacles of justice deployed and ready for frisk the perverted miscreant. "Ano...Havoc?" Pesti-chan said anxiously. "Could you please go somewhere else where we won't risk getting stripsearched for just being here?"
"I would if I could," Havoc-chan replied. "But my bounce is gone."
"Then let me help you get jump-started!!" Carnage exclaimed, punting Havoc-chan straight across the campus.
Havoc-chan: ^-^ [soaring over Pandemonium's head!] "Sayonara, Pan-chan!"
Pandemonium: --;; "You're not getting away that easily, otoka-san."
Suddenly Pandemonium leapt into the air, stunning everyone as her Sexaroid body shot towards Havoc-chan with incredibly speed. Havoc-chan turned her head and only had enough time to remark "O--" before Pandemonium spun her body around and then smashed her foot into the female uberperv's face.
The fanboy all winced and covered the eyes of their respective girlfriends. "Itai!" they chorused.
With a flawless execution of the Panzer Kunst technique, Pandemonium dropped back onto the ground and dusted her uniform off. She paused briefly to squeeze her bosoms so that they would stop swaying from the inertia. "Aaah! That felt strangely satisfying," she remarked, looking up at Havoc-chan.
Well...she looked up at the large Cream Lemon splattergore mark on the side of Jyuban High at any rate. The now headless body of Havoc-chan, merged with the wall and the whipped cream, twitched painfully in the air.
Minako passed out upon seeing her Na-chan like that.
Everyone else was trying to regain their appetites. "Where the hell did you learn to that?" Pesti-chan asked.
Pandemonium brushed aside some stray locks of orange hair. "From Alita. I play Powerball in my spare time to keep fit and stay limber."
"Did Alita teach you any Tantric Kunst too?" Dark Mayhem inquired slyly.
The others, Ami included, immediately scuttled away from him, fearing an impending smiting (or naughty tentacle of justice frisking). However, Pandemonium blushed profusely and then stomped off.
Makoto: [perplexed] "How did you...?"
Dark Mayhem: ^^v "As Deso once said, the Havoc-Cam sees all. Or it saw all, until the server crashed yesterday."
A loud commotion distracted everyone from their bento boxes--but not SD Pesti 3 from looking up Makoto's skirt. Or not enough to distract Makoto from hammering SD Pesti #3 into the nearest tree. But through the front gates marched a happy li'l SD Chaos. And behind him was a large group of various Anime characters.
Chaos: ^-^ "And here we are at Jyuban High! If you look to your left, you'll get to see an actual shooting of the fic F9! III with all the major stars present."
Hotohori: [taking pictures] "Ooooh! There's Usagi! I wonder if I could get her autograph."
Wufei: "This school looks bigger in the brochure."
Totoro: [squirming around] "......"
Mei: "I told you to use the bathroom at the Tempura no Escaflowne restaurant, but did you listen? Bad Totoro, no biscuit."
Spike Spiegel: "Oh, I hope there's a giftshop nearby."
"Now, if you'll all follow me," Chaos called out loudly, wearing a tour girl's dress and a large hat with a foam 'F!' sticking out from the top. He quickly made sure there were no stragglers in the group. "We'll be taking a brief tour inside the high school. And then it's off to the revamped tropical island of Togenkyo, where F8! was filmed."
Much rejoicing was had amongst the guests.
"What the hell's he doing this time?" Pesti-chan remarked, happy to be as offside as possible.
Dark Mayhem shrugged. "It would appear he's started tour groups to get some cash."
Pesti-chan blinked a number of times, trying to find a method to the madness. "So let me get this straight: in the Cameofic, he tried to hide our series from existence...and now he's flaunting it?"
"From the sounds of things, everyone at the Club Anipike heard rumours about the therapy Jolt and his associates had to go through after visiting us," Dark Mayhem replied. "'Morbid curiousity' best sums it up, I think."
Demolition gawked in disbelief at all the tourists from different Animes excitedly being led around the Jyuban courtyard by Chaos. "I don't believe this."
Then he noticed they had cameras.
Instantly he was shirtless and posing with many an excited tourist.
"He certainly showed a lack of integrity there," Minako remarked as she watched Demolition flexing his muscles.
Makoto nodded, smiling in amusement at Chaos' (as always) misguided efforts. "You know, this reminds of that time when Duo tried to get me all for himself by selling the six of you on EBay, Kamui-chan."
Pesti-chan glowered at memory. "Don't remind me. The only consolation from that fiasco was that the requests for those 'SD Pesti Plushies' went through the roof."
Dark Mayhem nodded. "If I recall right, Chaos then tried to sell his own line of SD plushies. He managed to sell only one."
"Hotaru bought it, ne?" Demolition remarked.
At a quaint and out of the way cafe, two manga artists were hiding together in a booth at the back corner. With any luck, no adoring fans would spot them and create a crowd. After all, they had come here to meet for a very important reason. Once the cup of coffee had been drunk and the pleasantries were out of the way, the two ladies got down to business.
Yuu Watase leaned back in her side of the booth, sulking with her hands over her chest. "No fair. You keep hogging him!"
Naoko Takeuchi cradled a little Chaos plushie close to herself. "It's no use arguing. I get to play with it next."
"It's my turn to play with the Chaos plushie, and we both know it," Yuu stated, though not as ardently as before. She was looking crestfallen, like a little kid who'd just had their favourite toy taken away.
Naoko gave Yuu a deadpan stare. "Whose idea was it to do this after reading about Gosunkugi in Ranma 1/2?"
Naoko grinned as she took her SD Chaos plushie and started walking it across the table. "La la la, this is the way we smite Chaos, smite Chaos, smite Chaos, all through the fic!"
And with that sung, she immediately dropped a model Comet Empire on top of the Chaos plushie.
[Cue the Comet Empire falling from the sky for no apparent reason and smiting Chaos!]
Chaos: o.O;; "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Anime tourists: ^-^ "Ooooooh! Aaaaaaaah!"
"I don't even know what I did to deserve that," he warbled from beneath the comet.
"Usually you just have to be yourself," Dark Mayhem replied as he strolled up to Chaos. He glanced at the rest of the tour group, who were busy trying to be the first to check out the interior of Jyban High. "So just why are you completely contradicting yourself from the Cameofic?"
Chaos shuffled around. "Ano...you remember that Corvette incident in the Sailorstar Wars omake from F9! II?"
Carnage didn't bother suppressing a laugh. "Hotaru still pissed off about that jacuzzi thing?"
"Oh, is she ever," Chaos agreed, obviously not wanting to go into further detail of the situation. "I figure if I can get some extra spending money, I can appease Hotaru-chan with a date. But since the repair bills from previous fics have claimed our paycheques until Crystal Tokyo rolls around, this seemed like the next best thing."
However, while the others simply rolled their eyes at Chaos' logic, Makoto gave Chaos a most curious look. "Did you just call her 'Hotaru-chan' instead of just 'Hotaru'?"
Chaos' eyes bugged out, numerous sweatdrops orbiting his head. "Um no not at all why would you say something like that and I think the nylons starting to run up my rear and I really should get back to leading the tour and--"
Naturally, his frantic ranting gave him away.
"He said 'Hotaru-chan'," everyone agreed.
Carnage cracked his knuckles menacingly. "And it just might be the last thing he ever says, period."
"Hey, check it out," Demolition remarked, pointing over to the group of Aniverse tourists. "Looks like the Student Council members are taking a complimentary tour."
Thrilled to no end at not having to dig himself into a deeper grave, Chaos put on a sincere smile--
--and turned around to see Riot pushing his way through the crowd of onlookers. Somewhere along the way he wound up with a flower necklace, and a Megane Utsubo for a hat.
"What's the matter?" Chaos asked cheerfully. "Something wrong with the tour? Or the fic...as always?"
Riot pulled out his katana. "Fanfic's over, Chaos."
[Cue the eyecatch!]
Much rejoicing goes out to:
Carnage, who created the hilarious "Deso-head in the fridge" scene.
Sarcasm, who created the Harry McDougall vs. Dilandou cage match.
Nightbreak, who had the idea to spoof the 'Had Ex?' commercials with Havoc.
And to Havoc, for giving me a very wrong idea in creating the following omake theatre....