The curses just keep on coming....
The Super-Deformed Gang's All Here.
[Cue Hysteria, dressed up as the Sesame Street typewriter, wheeling into the obligatory intro bit!]
Hysteria typewriter: ^^ "Nu-ne-nu-ne-nu-ne-nu, nu-ne-nuuuu!"
[The Hysteria typewriter abruptly stops, and then starts to type in the kawaii little word-chan of the day!]
Hysteria typewriter: ^^ "Hmmmm...B-A-K-A. Baka!"
[And with that, the Hysteria typewriter wheels off!]
Hysteria typewriter: ^^ "Nu-ne-nu-ne-nu-ne-nu, nu-ne-nuuuu!"
[And it's probably in our best interests to cue the fic right about now....]
FANBOYS IRRELEVANT, F9: KOF (KING OF FANFICS)!!!
Part IV: The Cruel Author's Thesis
When we'd last left the fic, things were not exactly looking up for the fanboys. They weren't exactly looking down either. If we had to be honest things were really more looking a little to the left. No...your other left. But just remember that the human head cannot turn 360 degrees, as Kintaro Oe can attest.
Anyhoo, back to the battle in progress at Jyuban High.
"So then, you have uncovered our most honourable conspiracy of Fanboy Instrumentality-fu, then?" Riot said, drawing his katana. "You have proven worthy adversaries. Diverting our efforts with all those most dishonourable,
He sweatdropped upon seeing both fanboy and Senshi alike already sweatdropping at him. And when a sweatdrop meets a sweatdrop, comin' through the rye...er, never mind that. Anyhoo, Riot lifted an eyebrow as he surveyed the bewildered expressions on everyone's faces.
"Why are you so dishonourably confused?" he asked them.
"If we knew what you were talking about," Pesti-chan answered. "Then we might figure out how to react."
Riot leaned back in surprise, his other eyebrow raising up yet his eyes remaining narrowed. "But what about my most honourable letter of challenge? That explained everything!"
Catastrophe: ^-^ [belching out the envelope] "BUUUUUUURRRRRPP!!! chu chu!"
Riot: --;; "Most dishonourable. Baby SD Godzilla-thingy drool all over it...."
"Ano...what does the Student Council President want with us?" Ami asked, growing flustered about possibly being in trouble with them. And here she'd been so certain that no one had known about that incident with Dark Mayhem in the janitor's closet two weeks ago.
Riot looked up from Catastrophe. "Oh, I have no reason to challenge you most honourable Senshi."
The ladies were unable to conceal their surprise.
"You...you know who were are?" Minako asked quietly.
However, that was a most honourably moot point for Riot. He pointed his katana at Chaos...only to suddenly discover that his hidden smite-fu had cunningly replaced the sword with a roll of tin foil. "My letter of challenge is addressed to the fanboys. Because of their desire to prevent Fanboy Instrumentality, all this most dishonourable freaky shit has been happening."
"Hey, where do you get off blaming us for Nehelenia's dirty work?" Demolition snapped angrily, glaring at Riot.
Pesti-chan nodded. "And what's Fanboy Instrumentality?"
"Ah, your denial-fu is excellent but still lacks," Riot stated. "I can see you know what I'm talking about. There is no need to prolong this battle, even though you know I shall go feudal and whup your butts in a most honourable way."
Minako leaned over to Makoto. "Not a very perceptive student council president, is he?"
"Maybe if he opened his eyes up a little more, he'd be better," Makoto replied with a helpless shrug.
Riot brandished his katana sword and then struck a pose with it. In behind a dramatic tidal wave surged across a large coastal backdrop, soaking half the Anime tourists milling about.
Genma Panda: --;; "....."
Genma Panda's sign: *I had the same problem when I visited Sea World*
"We must engage in most honourable anything-goes, martial arts smite-fu," Riot explained to the others. "Some old rules: no eyes, no groin."
Ami placed a hand on Dark Mayhem's shoulder. "Carrot-chan, what's this all about?"
Dark Mayhem could only shrug. "Some sort of self-inserted version of Rival Schools, I should think. Either way, we're about to kick his ass."
And Carnage was already taking the initiative. "I do NOT need this today!" he growled. "Look, we're all still hung over, we've got a deranged mirror demon-bitch after us, and the last thing we need right now is some Fists of
Fury hacks giving us more headaches."
"Ha! Your attempts to psych me out mean nothing," Riot stated. He confidently folded his arms over his chest. "My one-handed smiting is better than your smiting."
And with that Riot leapt into a fast & frantic marital arts display--twisting, punching and kicking so fast everyone could barely even see his movements.
Carnage: "Are you done?"
Riot: [nod] "I most honourably am."
Carnage: "Good. MEGA BRAND!!!"
Needless to say, Jyuban High was rocked by a large and not too unexpected fireball. All the Aniverse tourists immediately flocked to the courtyard, taking pictures and marvelling about the stuntwork being performed.
His clothes now a little singed, Riot stumbled around trying to regain his balance. "It would appear I under-estimated your most honourable techniques," he coughed. But undeterred, he assumed another offensive stance. "However, in order to receive my most honourable paycheque I shall continue to fight you."
Makoto nudged Pesti-chan. "Ne, do you think Riot will get reprimanded by that big-breasted truant officer if he gets into a fight?"
Upon hearing that, Riot paused.
"She's right!" he said. "Where is my most honourable Student Council?"
"So long as they're not bare-chested and groping themselves on top of the Akio car for a photo session, I don't care," Demolition muttered aside to Dark Mayhem.
Just then, Ruckus came painfully waddling out from around the back of the gym storage shed.
Riot: [sweatdrop!] "What most dishonourable thing happened to you?"
Ruckus: [itai!] "There's hentai, and then there's Hentenno. Note to self: don't screw with the latter."
Chaos: [nudging Dark Mayhem] "Ooooh, he must have opened the Yaoi Door."
Dark Mayhem: "So how was it?"
Ruckus: ^^;; "It's all Greek to me!"
[Cue the facevaults!]
"Great, it's a conspiracy," Demolition groaned. He glanced back at the Senshi as he began to remove the blazer of his uniform. "You ladies might want to step back; this looks to be between avatars."
"I'm not about to stand aside and let my friends get into a fight!" Usagi protested.
Minako nodded in agreement. "We're agents of love and justice, and if it involves you then it involves us."
"We stick together," Ami said.
"We know you'd do the same for us," Makoto added.
Ruckus: [snapping his fingers] "Oh, and I brought reinforcements to help us out."
[Cue the spandex-clad Yaoi Boxers forming a ring around the fanboys!!!]
"Um...on second thought, this looks like a 'guy' thing," Usagi said with a polite laugh as she & the other Senshi discreetly moved aside. "We'll let you handle this."
Chaos, Pesti-chan, Dark Mayhem, Carnage and Demolition clustered together as the circle of Yaoi Boxers closed around them. Dark Mayhem managed to snag a kiss from Ami-chan and began charging up a spell. Pesti-chan primed his Rumblequake. Carnage pulled out a Beam Sabre while Demolition drew his Sword of Light. And Chaos, complete with flattened kitty ears, was clinging to Pesti-chan's back in terror.
And as a lot of annoying rapid cuts showed the faces of every single fighter there, the theme song to 'The Good, The Bad & The Ugly' could be heard playing over the school's PA system.
"Gentlemen, are we in agreement?" Dark Mayhem inquired, curling back his lips and revealing his fangs.
Chaos nodded. "If I get killed by a microwave oven, I'll never live it down!"
He immediately got clobbered by a chibi-Gundam. "That's from the Ultimate Teacher, you baka!" Carnage exclaimed.
For a brief moment, there was nothing but silence.
The tensions were on the verge of snapping.
Shinto monk's voice: "YooooOOOOOOOOO...gurt."
Taking that as their cue, the Yaoi Boxers flexed their muscles from inside their skin-tight spandex suits and then charged. But lucky for the fanboys and lucky for all you readers out there, this wasn't like any given DBZ
battle which takes 30 pages for everyone to actually power up for only *one* freakin' attack, and then another 30 episodes of re-used fighting sequences where you'd think someone should have been killed by then!!!
But that's just this author ranting.
After all, otaku are entitled to their own opinions about Dragonbarf Z. Anyhoo, back to the battle, the smites started flying in all directions. Yaoi Boxers danced around, making threatening pelvic gestures and bitch-slapping the nearest fanboy.
"I don't know which is worse," Demolition said, unleashing a barrage of demon wards. However, Riot adeptly sliced through whatever wards came his way. "The mirror paraderies, or these idiots!"
Dark Mayhem got bitch-slapped by a Yaoi Boxer--and then felt up by the guy. One less boxer and one large Megadeth Spell later, he stated, "These guys are worse."
"On the bright side," Carnage piped up cheerfully from inside his mecha as he punted Yaoi Boxers in every direction. "I'm breaking in this new Valkyrie quite nicely!"
Suddenly Riot raced past the Valkyrie, slashing his blade at the mecha. There was a moment of dead silence, and then Carnage's Valkyrie tumbled over, sliced right in half.
Riot: --;; "Once again my sword has cut an unworthy object."
Carnage: "You dissing my mobile suits, buddy?!"
Riot: "A true warrior uses the bushido, and not some large mobile suit."
And had he not been tackled by overly amorous Yaoi Boxers, Carnage would have surely let loose with a spell to render Jyuban High a large hole in the earth.
Ruckus glanced around as he tried to gather as many frantic SD Pesti-chans in his arms as he could. "Ne, where'd Pan-chan disappear to?"
SD Pesti #4: "Kyaaaaa! I don't wanna be yaoi fodder!"
SD Pesti #5: ;_; "Is this the end of Pesti Shakespeare?!"
* * *
Up in the Student Council office, Pandemonium was far from even thinking about her duties as a truant officer. With her eyes closed, she waited patiently for her boyfriend to place his gift on the table.
* * *
"Open your eyes, babe."
"Oh, Largo-chan, you remembered my Activation Day!" she exclaimed happily as she saw a box all done up in ribbons & bows. "And scorched pieces of AD Police kevlar for wrapping paper too; how thoughtful!"
Largo gave a sexy sigh and leaned against the table. "Am I just such a cool God-like being, or what?"
Pandemonium opened up the box and peered inside. "Aw, how sweet of you: chocolate-covered nuts...and bolts!"
"You wouldn't believe the fight I got in with some Bolt Crank guy over these," Largo said.
His viciously suave grin abruptly disappeared as Pandemonium yanked him down onto the tabletop by his tie. Pandemonium climbed on top of him, pulling open her blazer. "I've got five minutes before I have to do the rounds and stripsearch someone," she purred.
"And I've got ten minutes before I'm scheduled to bring Mega Tokyo to its knees," he replied, loosening his tie and unbuttoning his shirt.
Pandemonium: "Quick, let's interface. I'll get my firewall protection up."
Largo: >) "It's good to be me."
Touga: [suddenly popping up without his shirt on] "Can't you hear it? The sound of the end of the--"
[Cue the Satellite Strike scorching Touga!!]
Largo: "NOBODY interrupts me and my Pan-chan."
The battle down in the quad was still fierce, as smites and Yaoi Boxers were flying in every direction! Carnage was discovering that his Tenchi Masaki Syndrome also applied to the Yaoi Boxers...much to his extreme
displeasure. Chaos was busy leading a cheerleading section. And SD Pesti #4 was out there selling popcorn to the tourists, while Minako was busy giving a play-by-play commentary over the PA system.
Minako: "Carnage is proving to be a solid defensive wall there with his beam cannon attacks, and--oooh! Demolition just got his nipple tweaked by Ruckus! Why isn't the referee calling that?"
"Chaos, do something intelligent for once," Dark Mayhem exclaimed, shoving Chaos forward. "Go out there and fight Riot!"
"Are you crazy?!" Chaos shot back, dusting off the folds of his cheerleading outfit. "Look at the melee out there! Everyone's leaping and flying and smiting--and Riot's just standing around. You know when a martial artist does that, he's going to snap and do some massive ass-kicking. And my ass is just too damned cute to get kicked by the likes of him!"
Riot: --;; [musing to himself] "Most dishonourable, that my arms and legs should fall asleep at a time like this."
Chaos' eyebrow was now twitching so fiercely that it had broken the sound barrier and created a sonic boom. Fortunately, the sonic boom blew away a large swarm of Yaoi Boxers.
"So," SD Pesti #2 asked. "Does anyone have a plan?"
He groaned upon seeing SD Pesti #6 get hit by a random Disfang spell from Demolition. However, a 3 foot tall Zoantropy monster didn't seem to strike any fear into the hearts of the Yaoi Boxers. If anything, they just wanted
to preen it.
"I have an idea!" Chaos piped up. "Riot & Ruckus haven't confiscated my henshin yet. I can transform into my female Sailor Haley mode, tango with the yaoi boxers, smite them and then steal the keys and free everyone!"
The others facevaulted.
"Can anyone find any small holes in this?" Demolition asked, massaging his temples. "I can only find really big ones."
"Hysteria has a kawaii little plan-chan!" Hysteria piped up from torturing a few hapless tourists with a kawaii little tea party-chan that wasn't featured on the brochure. "Hysteria brought her legion of ChibiChibi Boomer-chans!"
Suddenly out from behind the trees bumped & grinded a legion of "Shake your booty" ChibiChibi Hyperboomers!
ChibiChibi Hyperboomers: [shake shake shake!] "Chibi!"
Yaoi Boxers: o.O;;
Chaos: "Mwah ha hah ha hah ha!!! No, you shall learn not to screw with the fanboys, lest they use a screwdriver on you!"
Pesti-chan: [eyebrow twitch!] "What?"
Dark Mayhem: "I stopped trying to understand his dementia a long time ago."
Hysteria: "Hyperboomer-chans, attack!"
But then most unexpectedly, out from the front doors of Jyuban High came Red Queen ChibiChibi, still as off-balanced as ever (though many would argue she's also completely unbalanced). She tottered across the quad, frantically
flapping her arms in the air in a frantic attempt to stop from tipping over and crashing onto the ground.
And then off she went through the front gate, leaving a bunch of characters sweatdropping in her wake. The ChibiChibi Hyperboomers looked at each other in confusion, and then shrugged.
ChibiChibi Hyperboomers: [tipping sideways & running after Red Queen ChibiChibi!] "Chibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibi!!!!"
Demolition: [erk!] "They imprinted?!"
Chaos: o.O; [twitch!] "You've got to be kidding me."
Hysteria: ^^;; "Um...oops-chan?"
"Well, it was a good idea while it lasted," Carnage said. "Anyone else have an idea for a diversion?"
"We show Big Breasted Anime Babes Go To The Beach (And Take Their Tops Off)'?" Demolition ventured. He was immediately clobbered in the face by a flying cabbage.
"We have no choice," Dark Mayhem muttered.
Pesti-chan's eyes widened. "But you don't mean?"
"Yes, we have to resort to Plan B-ko!"
Chaos sweatdropped. "Ano...shouldn't it be Plan B?"
[Cue B-ko in her Akigiyama hardsuit, firing missiles all over the courtyard!]
B-ko: "Okay, where's C-ko? I know you student council members are hiding her here somewhere!"
Riot: "Ruckus, care to manhandle her?"
Ruckus: [blink blink!] "......"
Riot: [sigh!] "Ah, yes. I forget who I'm talking to."
And with that missile-shooting distraction chasing after Riot & Ruckus, the fanboys all raced off to freedom. Left behind to play secondary characters in a fanfic that was in fact based in *their* universe, the Senshi looked to
"I am really starting to feel under-appreciated here," Usagi said at last.
"Well, girls," Minako sighed. "it looks like it's manzuri for us tonight."
[Cue the facevaults!]
As the Inner Senshi picked themselves up off the courtyard, they saw Setsuna standing in front of them. "Has anyone here seen Havoc?" she asked.
Makoto thumbed over to the Cream Lemon spatter mark on the wall of the school. "The truant officer kinda thumped the girl-type version of Nagumo. But we don't know where either of them are now."
With a laborious sigh, Setsuna turned and began to walk away. "I guess he couldn't have gotten far." She glanced over at Ami. "Ne, Ami-chan, would it be asking too much for you to...to try and steal my panties?"
Ami: o.O; "Ano...."
Minako: [looking at her wristwatch] "Wow, the manzuri comes early today!"
Inner Senshi: "Minako!"
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