[Back to the conspiracy....]
Yoiko nodded as she opened up her own bottle of Creamy Ale. "I managed to save a few six-packs. It wasn't easy hiding them, but--"
She stopped as she looked over at Havoc, who was chugging down the contents of the bottle with the speed of Miaka at an 'all you can eat in under 1 minute' buffet table.
"Aaaah, now that's cream lemon!" he sighed contentedly, oblivious to the cream moustache left on his face. "How I have missed thee." With some of his perverted feeling now returning, Havoc directed his attention back to Yoiko. "So just why are you out to dethrone your own Mistress?"
Yoiko's eyebrow abruptly developed a nasty twitch, the air starting to crackle from her vengeful electric charge. "Charon's muscling in on all my perversions," she explained, taking a swig of her Creamy Ale. "Every time I
try to steal a panty, he's already got it in his hands. Whenever there's a fight in the dripping hot wax pit, he's lit all the candles before I can pounce on the nearest Anime babe. And he's hogging my Shimehime-chan all to himself!!"
She paused only long enough to gulp down the remainder of her ale. "Alielle's the only one who understands me...but all she wants is sex, sex, sex! Rule 3 this, double dildo that! Well what about my needs to become Red
Queen Kasumi's Ecchi-chan again?"
Havoc stared bewildered at Yoiko. "I must have missed have something in the last scene."
"That was me! You were missing me!" Yoiko exclaimed, grappling onto Havoc's shoulders and vigorously shaking him. "Did you see how many lines I got? I didn't have a speaking part in the last scene; Charon bumped me off before I could do anything! I want him turned back into an octopus, smothered in tempura batter and stir-fried!"
A little dazed from getting rattled around, Havoc placed a restraining hand on Yoiko's shoulder. "We needn't be that drastic. Charon's the best Ecchi-chan I've ever had...at least since his defection. And I don't even why he did that, let alone why all of a sudden my perverted groove's gone."
Yoiko blinked in surprise. "You mean...you don't know why you lost your perving powers?"
"If I knew what was wrong with me," Havoc stated, giving her a pointed look. "Do you think I'd be here?!"
He got up and walked past her, pacing the perimeter of the oversized chastity belt. Yet when he turned back around to look at Yoiko, something seemed wrong. Yoiko's face was pale, her eyes widening.
"What is it?" Havoc asked.
"Th-that symbol," Yoiko stammered, jumping up and spinning the bewildered fanboy around. She began to frantically point to a black kanji mark on Havoc's back. "It's the Ultimate Weakness Moxibustier!"
Havoc gawked at her. "Wait a minute. You mean I've got the mark that can turn even the greatest uberperv into a lech even more pathetic that NinNin?" His scepticism came to an end when he quickly went over the events of F9!, parts 1-3 in his head. "Oh no, I have become a lech even more pathetic than NinNin! I've got the Ultimate Weakness Moxibustier!"
Yoiko nodded. "No wonder you lost the duel against Red Queen Kasumi. But how did you get this mark in the first place? That technique was supposedly lost centuries ago."
Havoc snapped his fingers as it came. No, not Havoc; the revelation. "It was right before the duel," he said. "This busty babe appeared inside one of the ceiling mirrors in Planet Hentai's private nyotaimori rooms...."
[Cue the F9! part I flashback!]
"Sayonara!" Yurika said, waving to Havoc-chan as she towelled herself off from their tantric yoga session. "Same time next week?"
Havoc-chan nodded. "Of course. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to check on my nyotaimori customers."
With a bounce in her step and numerous pilfered panties in her hands (not to mention one or two being worn on her head), Havoc strolled on over to the private nyotaimori rooms. "Hentenno checking in," she called out as she
opened the door.
An SD Dark Schneider, obviously a happy and *ahem!* satisfied customer, was busy having an SD Arshes Nei nyotaimori. "Hey, Havoc!" he called out with a fanged grin, waving Havoc over. "About damned time you arrived. I thought I'd have to eat all this sashimi without any more wasabi sauce."
"Care for a little Soi sauce instead?" Havoc-chan asked, bringing out a stunned & nekkid Seiryu Seishi.
The chibified bastard of a sorcerer cackled and nodded. "Hot damn! Arshes-chan, you're really going to get saucy now!"
Havoc-chan grinned at the SD Arshes Nei. But then something occurred to him. Well, two things actually. The first was on writing a new Havocfic called Furi Yuri. The second was--
"Don't you need to be hosting an 'Ask Mr. Uber Exploder Wizard' segment in a few minutes?" Havoc-chan asked.
"Bah, who cares?" SD Dark Schneider scoffed, waving that aside as he chewed on some tuna. He gestured to Havoc-chan with his chopsticks. "You can sub for me if you want."
Havoc-chan considered it, and then nodded. "Sounds good. I've been meaning to host another 'Ask Mr. Uberperv' segment again."
But then the room suddenly rippled with ominous hues that reflected how cheap the production crew had been in drawing scenery backdrops. Havoc-chan looked around, scratching her head as the place turned into the inside of a
lava lamp, complete with swirly dark colours that lacked walls, a ceiling or a floor.
"Now what the hell is this?" she muttered. "Did someone put magic mushrooms in the sashimi again?"
"I can feel it," Nehelenia's disembodied voice suddenly hissed. "The self-inserted light of the avatars called fanboys!"
Havoc-chan immediately spun around and spotted the mirror currently keeping Nehelenia incarcerated. Yet mirrors cannot stop the Hentenno! With a delighted "hotcha!" Havoc-chan pounced right through the mirror and swiped
Letting out an indignant shriek, Nehelenia bodygloved Havoc-chan. Just as Havoc-chan went back through the mirror, toting her newest purloined panty atop her head, Nehelenia withdrew her palm to reveal the mark of the
Ultimate Weakness Moxibustier on Havoc-chan's back.
[Back to part 4 once again.]
"...at the time I thought she had just given me one hell of a hickie," Havoc concluded. He glanced over at Yoiko, who had facevaulted onto the floor. "What?"
And so at long last all of you readers out there have discovered why Havoc lost his perverted groove. You can call off the angry mob of otaku armed with torches and pitchforks anytime now.
"There has to be some way to counteract the mark's effects," Yoiko persisted, refusing to give up. She glanced over at the immense chastity belt beside them. "Wait a minute...maybe the answer is hiding somewhere in El Dojirado!"
"I can't exactly get inside," Havoc countered.
But Yoiko flashed him a fanged grin and gave the V-sign. "But I can!"
She moved to stroke the chastity belt the right way, but Havoc reached out and placed a restraining hand upon her shoulder. "It won't be in El Dojirado," he countered. "I should know; I organized the entire perverted library in there."
A sweatdrop appeared next to Yoiko's head. "So where else am I supposed to look?"
At that, Havoc-kun handed her a small card, as well as his duelling ring with its pink panty signet.
"You must go here. Other than that I can tell you nothing else," he instructed her. "This is something even more secretive than the ruins of the Forbidden Lemon. But I warn you, once you go in, your life as a hentai will be forever changed."
With visible anxiousness, Yoiko delicately took the business card from Havoc. "Why haven't you already gone there?" she asked in a hushed voice as she stared at the words printed on the card.
Havoc folded his arms over his chest, looking very serious. "Because that would have affected the Mardyke report. I can't risk contaminating the project with my current condition."
Yoiko nodded and then headed off to the destination listed on the card: Terminal Dojima.
The location of the Hentai Instrumentality Project....
[Cue the eyecatch!]
His lordship Chaos here again, with my relentless imagination lurking in behind the chair & whispering sweet nothings into my ear. (o.O) Sweet nothings?! Dammit, this isn't a hentai! Of course...foreplay is rarely a concept the characters in hentai anime seem to try.
Much rejoicing in this part goes out to Havoc, who was a master conspirator alongside me throughout the entire plotting of F9!, not to mention the rise and fall of the Hentenno...and what's about to happen in the next & final part.
Belated thanks to Desolation for creating Rice Ruroni (the Hitokiri treat).
Added kudos to Mayhem for creating the Kimagure Orange soda in the omake.
Chaos' wardrobe provided by: Victoria Senshi
This fanfic was brought to you by the Toilet Psyduck, the ultimate in utterly useless bathroom cleaning equipment.
Smiting octopi get a part-time job! Check out the hilarious cooking antics of chef Tako at: www.8legged.com
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