A hentai will rise....
All fanfiction had ceased.
Club Anipike was closed down and deserted for the night.
It seemed as if everything that had to do with Anime was no more...unless one looked to the distant horizon and saw the large spotlights that were pointed up to the darkened heavens. The gathering had begun, and now the gala night was almost upon the Aniverse.
Outside in the parking lot, rows upon rows of cars stretched out in every direction. Had the importance of the event not been so monumentous, one might have considered it humorous to see Lupin III's MG Midget parked next to an entire fleet of Von Lohengramm's Galactic Empire spaceships. To regulate the parking, AD Police had every last officer working to ensure smooth operations (and serve as cost-effective speedbumps). People were shuffling, walking and bounding over the parade of vehicles to get to the grandiose structure that was located in the middle.
The great Tokyo Megadome was filled beyond capacity, Anime characters, authors and avatars all jostling for prime seats. Noises abounded in every corner and down every row. Four enormous Jumbotron screens were mounted above the audience to let everyone in the back rows see what would be happening. All were in great anticipation of the speech that would induct the final chapter of this landmark fic.
Well...actually it was originally going to feature a concert put on by Vision, but she got a little sidetracked when Carnage remodified her GD-42 Crab mech with a quad heavy gatling gun pod, twin buster rifles, and a Buster Beam. Now while this looked impressive and daunting, said crab mech was pinned beneath the sheer weight of all the weaponry.
[Cue Vision stuck in the middle of traffic, the crab mech's 4-way flashers on.]
Vision: [irately booting the mech] C'mon, walk...crab mech, get up and walk...turn the engine on and walk, you stupid [beep!]ing piece of Boomer ass-kicking junk!"
GD-42 Crab mech: "I'm afraid I can't do that, Vision."
Back to the Tokyo Megadome, upon the vast centre stage surrounded on all sides by anxious Anime characters--some of whom were hovering or flying overhead for a better view--there was but a single podium. Slapped onto the podium's front was a modified NERV logo which now read: The Fanboys are in heaven, Kami-sama help the world. A hush ran through the crowd.
Numerous hentai individuals streaked after it.
The Megadome grew silent as a single otaku strolled out and took to the stage. Chaos slowly and suavely walked up to the podium and then cleared his throat to address the cell-drawn and self-inserted throngs.
Chaos: "Friends...Romaji...otaku: lend me your fansubs!"
[Chaos abruptly gets clobbered by a barrage of flying plastic video cases!]
As the twitching limbs of Chaos could be seen sticking out from all the fansubs he'd been bludgeoned with, Dark Mayhem sighed and opted to head onto the stage. Making his way through the piles of videos (and pocketing a few in the process), he tapped the microphone.
"Well, someone has to make the opening statement for this turkey," he announced. "But since Ami-chan's getting a jacuzzi bubblebath ready in one of the private boxes, I'm not going to be the one making it."
He motioned to another fanboy walking onto the stage. "He'll be taking over the induction of this fic into the Anime Fanfiction Hall of Infamy. So long, suckers!"
And with that said, Dark Mayhem left the stage.
Surprised to say the least at this new turn of events, the audience of anime characters, avatars and authors all turned their attention to Carnage...who was busy linking twenty mega-phones together, mic to mic.
Carnage: [turning to the sound booth] "Are we set?"
Carnage: *ahem* "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
[Carnage casually removes earplugs and steps over the debris, bodies and shards of glass to leave.]
This has been a test of the emergency baka removal
system. Had this been a real emergency, your computers
would have spontaneously combusted at the stupidity of
this fanfic. This was only a test.
Thank you, and goodnight.
The Super-Deformed Gang's All Here.
FANBOYS IRRELEVANT, F9: KOF (KING OF FANFICS)!!!
Part V: Where There's A Whip, There's A Way
In an elevator, silhouetted against a blue sky, a voice spoke: "Hysteria's getting really bored in this kawaii little elevator-chan. What kawaii little floor-chan is Hysteria on anyways?"
The outline of Hysteria appeared, leaning against the wall. "Why doesn't anyone want to come and play with kawaii little Hysteria?"
The outline of Hysteria reappeared, pacing the elevator car. "Waaah! Hysteria's starting to get claustrophobic in here!"
The silhouette of Hysteria reappeared yet again, but quickly disappeared in a flash of kawaii sparkling lights as she shouted out: "KAWAII KILLER BUTTERFLY!!!"
And so, for the instrumentation of the fanfic, Hysteria used her smiting attack to blow the elevator cab apart. Now while it seemed like a good idea at the time, Hysteria hadn't really paid attention as to how high up the elevator was when it had stopped and left her stuck inside.
With a frightened, "Kyaaa-chan!" a teary li'l SD Hysteria (if that's even possible) plummeted to the ground far below.
And that's it.
That's the scene. What else were you expecting? A Lovecraft/Pokemon crossover moment?
[We now jump to somewhere in a cyclopean Pokemon battle arena, located on the island of R'lyeh. Consult Arkham's Necropokemon book (written by the mad trainer Abdul El Hazard) to see where it is on the map...]
Ash: [lobbing his Pokeball] "Let's do battle! Bulbasaur, I choose you!"
Bulbasaur: ^-^ "Bulbasaur!"
Randolph Carter: "Feh...amateur. I choose you, Cthulhumon!"
[Cue the immense squid-headed Ancient One dressed in a Pikachu costume!]
Bulbasaur: o.O;; "Saur?"
[Censor's note: the remainder of this battle has been deleted from the fanfic due to the impossible angles of the arena, the gruesome and overall unpleasant fate of Bulbasaur (not to mention Ash and the rest of humanity), and the fact that it would have driven all the readers to insanity.]
* * *
In the midst of all this ficage, we must ask ourselves: who's afraid of the big, bad mirror? Certainly one might not have a problem of having someone like Nehelenia as their reflection, but bear in mind that breaking her would result in 7 years bad luck. For Usagi & Mamoru, that would probably mean instead giving birth to just Chibiusa, they'd wind up with Chibi-Yam triplets.
Oh, the horror! The horror!
Back at the Dead Moon Circus tent, where sending in the clowns would have meant gathering together pretty much the entire cast of Dragon Half, Nehelenia was busy having her wild & wanton ways with the catatonic Mamoru. "Oh yes," she moaned in ecstasy. "Yes! Yes! Mamoru, you stud! Oh, that feels so good!"
Nehelenia withdrew from Mamoru, and appraised all the make-up she'd decorated his face with. His lips were now exaggerated & red, and seriously clashed with the sparkly blue eyeliner. "I have wanted to do that all season," she sighed happily, tossing a used magic marker over her shoulder.
She turned around, only to see the old withered turtle-like face of Zirconia. Naturally, Nehelenia screamed and recoiled in shock right back into her mirror.
"Warn me when you're going to do a thing like that!" she snapped angrily. "Now I know how any of the Suzaku Seishi feel when Taiitsu-kun shows up."
Zirconia mumbled a profuse apology. "Nehelenia-sama, if you wish subject this planet, the time must be now."
"Darn. And right when I was going to have him model negligee for me," Nehelenia sulked, jutting out a pouty lip. "Okay, Zirconia, I'll take over Crystal Tokyo now." Her cat-like eyes narrowed. "But first, I have some Sailor Senshi and their fanboys to take care of...."
* * *
With all the initial greetings and glompings out of the way, the fanboys invited the Outers out to Chez Baka. That way they could talk in private--and Haruka could take Chaos into the back room & hurt him without any witnesses.
"So you've got these rivals after you now?" Haruka asked at their private table in the back of the restaurant. She paused momentarily to readjust the Full Nelson she'd locked Chaos into.
Chaos: o.O; [itai!] "Jahun! Jahun!!"
Hayama: [sauntering on by] "Jahun. Jahun. Jahun jahun jahun jahun...jahun."
Chaos: --;; "These non-sequitur moments are getting really irritating."
Michiru continued on her partner's line of thought. "And they're posing as the Student Council members?" Pesti-chan nodded. "That about sums it up."
"And they're the last thing we need right now too," Demolition added. "With Nehelenia poised to strike at any moment, we don't need loose cannons running around the fic." Everyone abruptly stopped and turned to Carnage. "Oh, what?" he snapped. "What did I do now?!"
"But we're not even sure what these other guys want," Demolition said. "I mean, what was Riot talking about? Fanboy Instrumentality? Was he trying to recruit us into the band club or something?"
Dark Mayhem cocked one of his eyebrows. "Instrumentality? That's a SEELE thing. Ne, Pesti-chan, have you heard anything about this at NERV?"
Pesti-chan sighed and shook his head. "Nope. In fact, I've been trying to avoid the Geofront as much as possible; they're doing those nude piloting tests this week."
Makoto blushed furiously at the thought of her boyfriend sitting in the buff in his entry plug. But the ecchiness of that bubble subsequently burst when she suddenly have a vision of 6 nekkid SD Pesti-chans swimming around in the LCL fluid.
SD Pesti #2 would no doubt be the one in the snorkel mask. SD Pesti #5 would probably be getting eaten by a shark that had somehow ventured into the plug. And #3...would have definitely been sticking his butt into the cameras and doing his own Asaba Sexy Dance.
Naturally, no good would come of that.
Especially trying to towel them all off afterwards.
But moving right along (whereas if we moved left along, we'd be diverging...unless the plot turned left again, in which case 2 lefts do make for a right story ;), the fanboys continued to deliberate the fate of their fic with the Outers. And Chaos just tried to escape his own fate at the hands of one Outer in particular.
"Haruka-poppa, enough!" Hotaru exclaimed, pulling Chaos free of a complimentary Uranian noogie. "I'm the one who threw myself into his arms. It's not like he really meant for his hands to accidentally touch my chest, ne, Chaos-chan?"
Hotaru and Haruka looked at Chaos, who sweatdropped. "Ano...." he stammered, his kawaii kitty ears popping up.
"IS IT?" Haruka growled, the vein in her head starting to throb.
"Well, you don't see me objecting," Hotaru piped up. Haruka groaned. "Hime-chan, that doesn't help!"
In the face of such obviously painful adversity, Chaos quickly darted over to the other end of the table. "So what did I miss?" he asked.
"As far as we can tell," Pesti-chan explained. "Those other fanboys want to replace us, and it has something to do with that Instrumentality thing."
"Plus we also have to contend with Nehelenia's attacks on us," Michiru continued. "If we wish to remedy the situation quickly, I would recommend we take care of one problem before starting on the other. That's better than stretching our resources across both problems simultaneously."
Chaos nodded, and quickly scribbled down another idea for his newest fic (no doubt inspired by the end of the last part): Death Reborn Revolutionary Girl Utena. "Think Chibiusa makes for a good Akio?" he asked.
Dark Mayhem & Carnage both smacked him upside the back of the head. "Baka!"
"And here I didn't think it could get any worse than his 'Death Phantom of the Opera' fic," Demolition groaned.
The talking and deliberations went on for a few more minutes. Carnage was advocating that he just Dragu Slave Nehelenia (along with the surrounding 6 city blocks), while Demolition felt certain that Nehelenia would see the light of Good if he just showed her his ripped biceps. Dark Mayhem was all for taking a long vacation to Acapulco, and Pesti-chan found himself in the awkward place of being between Haruka, Michiru, and their ecchi roaming fingers. Once again left to his own devices, Chaos continued to diligently work on his newest fic. With any luck, he'd make it to the top of the scorched remains of omaK2 this time around. However, his attention was abruptly sidetracked as Hotaru quietly yanked him away from the group.
Hiding in behind one of the restaurant's pillars, Hotaru giggled and ran her fingers down his cheeks. "Finally, a chance to be alone."
Chaos sweatdropped. "Um...Hotaru-chan, is this really a good idea, what with your parents in close thumping range to me?"
"Life is all about taking risks," she countered, contentedly snuggling up close to him. "I'm not stuck in a twelve year-old's body anymore, Chaos-chan. I'm a young woman now. You should know that from the feel you copped off me earlier."
At that, Chaos had to nod in agreement. "That's very true."
"What is it about me that intimidates you so much?" Hotaru asked quietly, her face drawing closer to Chaos. "Aside from your parents?" he replied, his mind racing a the speed of a gerbil trapped in a hamster ball. "Well, there's...um...you know, I can't really think of--"
Suddenly Hotaru leaned forward, gently pressing her lips against Chaos'. Dreamily she closed her eyes, ignoring the stunned expression on his face. Then again, Chaos didn't pull away. Instead his eyes started to all teary & Bambi-like. And then one eye glanced over to his left. Not about to break Hotaru's reverie, he kept on kissing her and tapped her lightly on the shoulder. Still kissing him, Hotaru opened her eyes and looked in the direction Chaos was pointing.
Riot: "Woah, most honourable kiss-fu! Sorry to have disturbed your training session."
Ruckus: ^-^ "Aw, that's so cuuuuuuute! Why can't I have a man like that?"
Riot: --;; "And once again, you just ruined the most honourable moment."
Pandemonium: "Public displays of affection are not allowed in this building, you two. As a truant officer, I'll have to discipline you now!"
With a most suave & dignified girlish shriek, Chaos grabbed Hotaru and made a mad dash back over to the other fanboys. "We've got company!" he exclaimed, not even thinking to stop as he raced past them. Fortunately, the wall did the thinking for him.
Hotaru sighed and shook her head as she sat on top of a swirly-eyed SD Chaos. "I can't wait to get my own car. Maybe then we can have a date for five minutes without being interrupted."
"Welcome to my world!" Pesti-chan shouted.
The other fanboys slowly rose from the lounge chairs they'd been sitting on. Carnage cracked his knuckles upon seeing Riot and Ruckus walking up behind Pandemonium. "Ara ara, back for more, are you?"
Riot glanced over at Ruckus. "Ne, where'd your Yaoi Boxers go? We could kind of use them right about now." "Aha haaaaaa....about that," Ruckus nervously laughed in reply. "They're still recovering from the Sarcasm incident."
"You mean it's just us three against five of them?" Riot exclaimed, looking a little flustered. Michiru and Haruka stepped forward, now clad in their sailor battle fuku. "Actually, there's seven of us," Uranus corrected. "Eight if Hotaru actually manages to revive Chaos," Neptune said. She glanced over at the pair in question, and then did a double-take. "Hime-chan, stop that! You're enjoying that mouth-to-mouth resuscitation a little too much!"
* * *
Meanwhile, back to where an actual plot was developing...or mutating. Take your pick. Anyhoo, left to their own devices (but certainly no Cool Devices because that would mean their dub voice actresses would have to moan with about as much emotion as Ayanami Rei watching paint dry), the Inner Senshi had decided to congregate at their usual haunt: the corner booth at the Crown Restaurant.
It wasn't like they were skipping school, though. Most of the class was under Nehelenia's mirror spell. And the entire faculty was either caught under the same curse, or had been recently smited/injured by some form of direct or indirect fanboys-related incident.
Usagi remained glum, deeply concerned about Mamoru's well-being. She woefully looked at the chocolate shake Rei had bought for her. "This just isn't the same without Mamo-chan groaning about how I'd accidentally get the straw stuck up my nose."
"I didn't expect you to join us," Ami said, turning to Rei. "After all, you go to a different school--a Catholic one at that, which hasn't been damaged by our respective boyfriends."
Rei shrugged her shoulders, enjoying the afternoon sunshine that was streaming down through the windows. "It's closed for the afternoon. Something about a 'One Piece Gospel' Chaosfic being filmed on location there. I was going to hang around and check it out, but there was this Luffy guy running around with boxing gloves and throwing some kind of Gumbi-like 'GumGum Right Uppercut'. I was about to visit you when you contacted me."
"It's not like we had much to do either," Ami said, almost ruing that fact. "Our guys ran off, leaving us in the dust. It's like whenever something critical happens, we wind becoming forgotten. I wonder why that is?"
"And what's happened to my Na-chan?" Minako lamented. "Here I drycleaned this Yggdrasil jacket, and he's not around for me pounce on."
Makoto tapped Minako on the shoulder. "Have you tried looking behind you?"
Sure enough, when they looked behind one part of the booth, they saw Havoc-chan sitting forlornly at another table. Minako beamed upon seeing him. "Well what do you know? Hide and ye shall seek!"
[Cue the facevaults!]
"That's 'seek and ye shall find', Minako-chan," Ami groaned.
Not having noticed the Inners, Havoc-chan was busy focusing on the delicate negotiations being held at her table. Given her bad luck, she was anticipating another painful clobbering session. Yet it appeared her luck was about to change.
Havoc-chan abruptly beamed. "You mean it? You'll give me your panties?"
Across the table, Hyatt nodded and gave Havoc-chan a gentle smile. "It's the least Across can do for you." Standing up, she reached down beneath the folds of her dress and began to remove her underwear. "Now then, I--" And at that exact instant, Hyatt coughed up blood and dropped dead on the floor. Which isn't really a new thing, since she has the lifespan of an Orchid Emblem video being watched (and subsequently fragged) by Carnage. However, her latest death only served to further traumatize Havoc-chan, who was left holding her panties. "Great Juri's G-Spot, I've touched the panties of a corpse!" she shrieked, flinging the panties into the air and running aimlessly around the Crown restaurant. "I've become a necrophiliac!!"
Plunging her hands into the nearest drinking cups, Havoc-chan tried to cleanse herself. "Is nothing sacred to this curse? How much more of my life must it destroy before its satisfied?!"
[Cue Doji Charat's floating yellow ball-thingy and it's naughty...wavy-stickarms-for-tentacles!]
Gema: >) "I'm going to molest you all, gema!"
Randy-en-Rose: [clutching at the tattered remains of her outfit] "Non-tear fabric, my ass!! Dojiko, I know you're to blame for this!"
Puchiko: "Puchiko's too young to be attending this private junior college, nyu. Bye bye, nyu."
Havoc-chan: [sweatdrop!] "What the?"
NinNin: ^-^ "What do you think, Hentenno-sama? I brought them over from your latest Havocfic just to cheer you up. Wait'll you see the SD kappa orgy in the next scene; you must have really been inspired when you wrote it."
Havoc-chan: --;; "Every time I think I've hit the lowest level of hell, you always show up with a shovel."
NinNin: ^^v "Hey, like Megumi Amano, I always cum prepared."
Havoc-chan: [grrrr!] "NinNin, hand me that shovel. There's another body I need to bury...."
Makoto looked at her cup full of Coke...or it had been until Havoc-chan had tried to clean her hands off in it. "Suddenly I'm not very thirsty."