"Not having a good day?" Rei remarked, sliding over and inviting Havoc-chan to join them at the booth.
"I can relate," Usagi bemoaned. "Nehelenia's mounting some kind of attack, and she's kidnapped Mamo-chan."
Minako nodded in agreement. "Plus all your friends ran off during some kind of gang war with the Jyuban Student Council, leaving us high and dry. Well, not entirely dry."
"Minako-chan, keep your hands out of your pants, please," Makoto sighed. "What I don't like about this situation is that we're stuck here waiting while more and more people become virtual zombies, staring into their mirrors."
Angrily she pounded the table, causing their drinks to rattle. "We're Senshi. We should be out there doing something, not sitting on our butts."
Whether or not she'd meant it, someone had obviously been listening in on Makoto's conversation. And it seemed that someone decided to indulge the Inner Senshi in their desires to no longer be backdrop in the plot. But it's doubtful it was this author, since he's off playing Strip Doom (you get fragged, you remove an article of clothing!) at the moment.
An all too familiar laugh swept through the Crown restaurant, causing the Senshi to stand up. They could all sense a dark aura filtering into the room, but with all these people around they couldn't transform into soldiers. "What's that saying about being careful what you wish for?" Rei murmured. Offered Minako, "If your wish was a horse it might run over you?"
Scanning the Crown premises, Usagi suddenly discovered the source of the strange laughter and the no-good-very-bad vibes. "There!" she exclaimed, pointing across the restaurant. "There she is!"
Rei looked at the startled customers. A quick scan of their faces proved nothing. "Where? Is she disguised?" "No, in the mirror!" Makoto said. "Someone's there in the mirror!"
Ami's eyes widened as she gazed into a strange dimension somewhere beyond the glass surface. "Masaka! It's...it's...!!"
Mirror Girl: ^-^ "Would you like to play a game with me?"
Makoto: [sweatdrop!] "Na ni?"
Haruto: ^^;; [grabbing the mirror girl's mirror] "Sorry about that; she got sent here instead of to Saito High--and could someone exorcise Kazumi please?!"
Kazumi: [currently possessed by a Megane Utsubo spirit] *glomp!*
Usagi: [blushing furiously in getting glomped] "Ano...."
Asahina: "Hai! One Asahina Super Special Exorcist Attack coming right up!"
And in her always gentle ladylike ways, Asahina proceeded to delicately free Kazumi of his megane utsubo spirit...by kicking the crap out of him. And kicking the crap out of Havoc-chan too, much to Havoc-chan's great displeasure. As the Holy Student Council discreetly left the room courtesy of a Red Mantle Wipe, the Senshi opted to try one of the other occupied mirrors.
This one had Nehelenia standing inside it, impatiently tapping her fingers and looking at her wristwatch. "It took you bloody well long enough to notice me," she muttered, looking rather peeved about this fact.
"Gomen," Usagi apologized, shuffling her feet.
Rei cuffed Usagi on the shoulder. "Usagi, she's the badguy! What are you apologizing for?"
"I'm the head villainess of the season!" Nehelenia exclaimed, launching into a rather ludicrously cute li'l SD mirror demoness version of herself. "How dare you insult me by making my obligatory underlings quit on me. And then you have the gall to ignore me when I make my dramatic appearance!"
Usagi: "But I saw Gawl at the Track & Field tournament against Ohju High last week."
Minako: ^-^ "I watched Gall Force a few nights ago on video."
Nehelenia's eyebrow performed some new acrobatic twitches as she realized just how much she was obviously being underrated. It's just as well that everyone else in the Crown had panicked upon seeing her and raced out, because she began using some very un-mirror lady-like words.
"The game's over, Nehelenia," Makoto stated. "Stop what you're doing to the city, and give us back Mamoru." Nehelenia blatantly laughed in their faces. "Ha! You'll have to come in here and face me if you want your precious Mamo-chan back. You have only a few short hours, and then he'll be like this forever!"
Havoc-chan scratched her head. "But Mamoru's always been a weenie." She was immediately elbow-jabbed by Ami and Rei.
"He hasn't always been a catatonic weenie," Rei hissed to the girl-type ex-uberperv.
"Everyone, let's transform!" Usagi exclaimed.
So with a very flashy fanservicy 2-paragraph long transformation segment we're not going to bother inserting here, the Inner Senshi transformed into those agents of love and justice you all know, adore and fantasize about on a regular basis.
Oh, come on: who hasn't?
We're all otaku here.
Getting back to the story, the Inner Senshi posed in their sailor battle fuku. It was evident that they'd had enough of Nehelenia's convex shenanigans, and weren't going to take it anymore. Yet within her mirror, Nehelenia remained non-plussed about the confrontation.
Sailor Mercury: "You've abused the innocence of a person's reflection and made it evil."
Sailor Jupiter: "You've tried to steal the dreams of pure-hearted people by using inferior lemures."
Sailor Moon: "You stole my Mamo-chan!"
Sailor Venus: "Surrender now, or you'll have to face the wrath of Sailor O!"
Sailor Mars: [sweatdrop!] "That's 'V'."
Sailor Venus: ^^;; "I meant Sailor V."
[Everyone turns to Havoc-chan.]
Havoc-chan: "What makes you think I'm responsible for that?"
Sailor Jupiter: "Because you always ARE in cases like this."
In the mirror, Nehelenia's image began to ripple and distort before vanishing completely. Left in her place was the beginning of a corridor. "Step into my realm if you dare, Princess of the White Moon. This is the only way to save your city and Mamoru. But if you fail here...you're mine forever."
While the others hesitated, Sailor Moon bravely ventured forth and cautiously touched the mirror's surface. Where there should have been a solid surface of glass, her arm passed straight through into the corridor beyond. "Usagi-chan, we have to be careful," Mercury said quietly. "That's her domain. We don't know what we'll be walking into."
Sailor Moon nodded. "I know...but I have to try. I have to rescue Mamo-chan."
That said, she took a deep breath and crossed into the mirror. One by one the Inners followed after her. Taking up the rear, Sailor Venus turned to Havoc-chan.
"You're coming too," she stated cheerfully, grabbing Havoc-chan by the back of her shirt and yanking Havoc-chan into the mirror.
"Wha--? Why me?!" Havoc-chan exclaimed. "I can't even steal Nehelenia's panties! At the rate I'm going, I'll wind up getting gangbanged by her mirror paraderies before the next scene! Nooooo!"
Despite all the protesting, Havoc-chan got dragged by Venus into the mirror. Just as the realm beyond vanished, leaving a perfectly normal mirror behind, Setsuna walked into the now deserted Crown restaurant. "Shimatta," she sighed after perusing the premises. "I must have just missed Havoc. Now who am I going to get to steal my panties?"
Kazumi: ^-^ [boing!] "Ooooh! Ooooh! Pick me!!"
Setsuna: [sigh!] "I guess you'll have to do."
[Cue the fanservice!]
Haruto: o.O; "OH MY GOD!"
* * *
It was with some trepidation and absolutely no clothes whatsoever that RQK's former Ecchi-chan walked into Central Dojima. Yoiko had never expected to find a place like this here, hidden beneath--of all places--Mt. Fuji. But there it was: an impressive and awe-inspiring (well, the phallic shape of Central Dojima inspired something at any rate) underground cavern shaped like an enormous bra.
Yes, there actually was a Variable Geofront. As she let the seemingly endless escalator leisurely take her down into to lower levels of the facility, Yoiko couldn't help but wonder just where Havoc found the time to work on this project, run Planet Hentai, write his Havocfics, train Charon & go out perving with the Benkyo Brigade, *and* keep up his usual panty-stealing antics.
"Being the Hentenno has a lot of fine print," Yoiko remarked to herself, shaking her head in bemusement. Skimehime-chan hadn't the slightest idea as to what being the Uberperv really meant.
The otherwise interminable wait went by rather quickly as Yoiko thumbed through the immense Mardyke report. Flashing Havoc's ring had allowed her the chance to open up a safety deposit box (and more than enough women's changeroom doors) where she find a copy of the report. Even at just a glance, Yoiko was quickly realizing how much she had under-estimated the true power and potential of the hentai genre.
It was all there in the Mardyke report: how Havoc was in charge of heading up the top-secret agency PERV (Havoc has his panties, all's well with the world); the existence of the VAGI supercomputers currently working through all the possible scenarios of any given Anime-based lemon; and how one could generate their own HT (Hentastic Tentacle) Field, the seemingly impervious barrier that Havoc was able to generate to keep himself free from smites and curses. There was also a list of the projected New Angels (among them Kai Awasel & Pudendiel) that the hentai world would have to face in order to jump to a new evolution.
At the halfway point, there was a special 2-page spread of Ai Name (formerly Rei Ayanami until the Halloweenfic) wearing only bodypaint made to resemble a plugsuit. The caption beneath was "PERV of the Month." The duelling ring Havoc had given Yoiko also let her slip by unnoticed through all the security gates and protocols. With surprising speed, Yoiko found herself standing before a large gateway that could only lead to Terminal Dojima, the heart of this Hentai Instrumentality Project.
Upon the grandiose metal doors was etched:
Three thongs for the tentacled beasts under the earth
Seven for the Ecchis who love to bone
Nine for buxom babes of genki birth
One for Hentenno on his cream throne
In the ruins of Hentopia where the panties lie
One perv to rule them all, One perv to find them
One T-bakku to bring them all, And in the lemon bind them
In the ruins of Hentopia where the panties lie
"The Lord of the Cock Rings?" Yoiko remarked, scratching her head.
She shrugged her shoulders, and crossed her fingers & legs (hey, this is a rather exciting scene, ne?) in the hopes that she would be able to get inside. The ring's signet was accepted, and suddenly the two towering doors began to open up. A large billowing cloud of Cream Lemon vapour swept past Yoiko-chan, flipping up her skirt and flawlessly removing her panties in the process.
Yoiko only managed to take five steps into the gargantuan chamber before she froze, her jaw hanging down in shock as she stared up what had to be the biggest Anime babe she'd ever seen. Not even Zentradi females were as tall, built or stacked like this!
"This...this has to be the source of Havoc's HT Field," she whispered.
Standing knee-deep in an ocean of CL fluid, strapped to a Victorian Cross, was Lilith. She had wings and was wearing a white leather bustier, and matching panties, and holding--
Yoiko: o.O; "A giant...flaming...double-helixed...dildo?"
Upon closer examination (read: fondling session), Yoiko discovered that the white leather was in fact liquid hentai, the source of all that was Havoc!
"Sugoi!" she exclaimed. This entire place was saturated with hentai mojo'o-sama. No wonder Havoc-kun didn't want to risk contaminating Terminal Dojima. But where to begin trying to find a counter-curse to his Ultimate Weakness Moxibustier?
It was then that Yoiko noticed all the etchings upon the circular outer walls. Taking a small gonda-la blue girl, Yoiko rowed over to the walls and started reading the runes. They looked rather ancient and foreign, but Yoiko was able to understand the basics of the words.
As it turned out, the writing on the wall was an entire record of Havoc's life as a hentai. It started from his first appearance in F2!, explaining in-depth the HentaiCon 98 tentacle disaster, and going all the way to the final Fanboys! fic: Moviefic 2. If it wasn't recapping Havoc's past, it was predicting with uncanny accuracy Havoc's future--not to mention the future of hentai everywhere.
"Come on, where's the F9! synopsis?" Yoiko muttered to herself as she skimmed through all the summaries. Her eyes suddenly caught one small paragraph of writing, and then lit up.
"This is it!" she proclaimed triumphantly. "This is the ultimate technique that Havoc can use to become the Hentenno again!"
She took out a roll of paper and a stick of charcoal, and made a rubbing of the words. The ancient Urotsuki Dojiian kanji stood out as plain as a nekkid Anime babe in a subway car; Havoc would be sure to read this and acquire his new power.
"Kasumi Jo'o-sama, come to Yoiko-baby," Yoiko giggled, happily skipping out from Terminal Dojima.
* * *
Back at the fanboys' apartment, Anarchy and Sarcasm were busy doing absolutely nothing...that and indulging themselves. But when there was a plot that could make or break the series (though not the readers' minds, since we're waaaay beyond breaking all of you!), the fangirls could have cared less.
Sarcasm sat contentedly on a couch with 5 randomly-chosen bishounen giving her a massage, pedicure, hand-feeding her chocolates, fanning her and doing the usual 'lavishing attention' thing. Anarchy was on the loveseat and smiling down at Tasuki, who was asleep with his head cradled on her lap. This made it really easy for her to check out his wallet and steal his credit cards to pay for the Sake that was being delivered.
Suddenly, in stumbled a sightly zorched Hysteria.
"Hysteria will be fine," Hysteria sighed. "The kawaii elevator-chan broke Hysteria's fall."
Anarchy: "And I'm sure there will be much rejoicing now."
Sarcasm: [sarcastically twirling a finger in the air] "Wai. Wai."
Hysteria dusted off the remains of her fuku, and limped over towards her bedroom. "Hysteria's going to need a kawaii little chiropractor-chan to realign her kawaii little back-chan."
She abruptly smiled.
"Thankfully Hysteria brought a bunch of her kawaii little friend-chans to help repair Hysteria's kawaii little broken body-chan."
And with that, a dozen or so Nyan Nyans charged into the living room. Immediately they began to clean Hysteria off and bandage her up.
Nyan Nyan #4: ^-^ "I'll heal your bruises!"
Nyan Nyan #9: ^-^ "I'll heal your cuts!"
One of the Nyan Nyans then turned to the other two fangirls. She happily looked from Sarcasm (being catered to by the bishies) to Anarchy (half drunk and with Tasuki's money). Then the cute li'l Nyan Nyan said with a smile to both of them, "I'll heal your self-inserted perversions!"
Anarchy and Sarcasm's eyebrows performed a synchronized twitch.
Sarcasm: "You hold her down. I'll have a bishie get the beer."
Anarchy: >) "Make it the whole liquor store."
Nyan Nyan: ^^;; "A-Ano...."
* * *
"Masaka!" Pesti-chan exclaimed, flabbergasted. "How did you find us? This place isn't even one of our irregular hangouts!"
Carnage nodded. "Chaos just got this place registered only an hour...ago...how the hell did he manage to fixture up an entire restaurant in under an hour?!"
Riot smirked triumphantly. "Ah, I'm glad that you asked. We had Pandemonium here monitoring the most honourable AD Police radio frequencies. The second you guys did something fanboyish, we were instantly alerted to your most honourable hideaway."
"Hate to pop a hole in your logic bubble-fu," Dark Mayhem quipped. "But we haven't done anything that would require police intervention. Much to Carnage's annoyance, I'm sure, we haven't blown anything up. We haven't caused any accidents or triggered any meltdowns or invoked an apocalypse."
Demolition: "Though there are rumours that a minor cataclysm will come about if someone were to read Chaos' 'Card Captor Sakurambo' fic outloud."
Chaos: --;; "Minor indeed! Those yo-yo's don't know what they're talking about. I'm certain reading my fic outloud would result in at least an apocalypse! The Bean Wars 4-Ever omake proves that!"
Carnage: [punting Chaos through the ceiling] "That's nothing to be proud of, you idiot!"
Riot sweatdropped as he looked at the fanboys. "You haven't done anything to tip our most honourable hand to knowing your whereabouts?"
"Then how did we wind up finding you here?" Ruckus asked.
The two turned to Pandemonium for a most honourable explanation...only to find her attacking a roving dessert tray. "Ooooh, the APB was right!" she exclaimed happily. "The donuts are half-price here! And they've got chocolate sprinkles too!"
[Cue the facevaults!]
"Well, unless someone here has any objections," Dark Mayhem remarked glibly. "It's time to start giving the Tokyo Rezoning Board another round of heart attacks."
Demolition nodded, an evil grin on his face. "Already ahead of you."
Riot drew out two katana blades, holding them in front of his face. "Very well, I accept your challenge of anything-goes, martial arts smite-fu. But this time you shall not win, for I am samurai, hear me dismember you."
"I'll have to write you a ticket for littering a public area with body parts then," Pandemonium countered, her naughty tentacles of justice poised and hovering in the air, ready to strike.
"Ne, what do you think?" Neptune asked her lover.
Uranus gave a non-committal shrug. "This could be fun. They say exercise makes for great sex afterwards." She immediately turned and glared at Saturn & Chaos. "And don't you two get any funny ideas about that."
Saturn: ^-^ [angelic li'l Senshi] "Hai, Haruka-poppa."
Uranus: "Are your fingers crossed behind your back?"
Saturn: ^-^;; "Maybe."
Chaos: [sweatdrop!] "I'm going to die either way."
"Wait! Stop!" Carnage suddenly exclaimed, racing forward with teary Bambi eyes. He stretched out his arms with the hopes of holding the two warring factions back. "We shouldn't be fighting like this. It isn't right. Can't we all just get along in peace and harmony?"
Dark Mayhem blinked a few times in surprise. "Okaaaaay, someone put a little too much Ritalin in his decaff this morning."
"Mayhem?" Carnage replied, tapping the uber exploder fanboy on the shoulder. "I'm over here."
And at the risk of stating the obvious, everyone did a series of really annoying jump shots and double-takes. "What the hey?" Demolition said, scratching his head. "Since when did oni-san become a twin?"
Pesti-chan snapped his fingers. "Aha! That's the pacifist Carnage clone from F8!"
The Dark Mirror clone, being a complete opposite to Carnage (read: a total weenie), stared up at Riot with immense Bambi eyes. Riot sweatdropped, warily leaning back at this unexpected use of wuss-fu. "Please, let's not cause any harm to each other," Carnage #2 sniffled. "We can work our differences without violence."
"What the most dishonourable hell is this?" Riot asked. "Is this some kind of feint to make me lower my guard?"
Ruckus shook his head. "Don't look at me. But he does make for a cute thing to snuggle up to at bedtime."
Suddenly the unearthly giggling of Miyu echoed throughout the Chez Baka establishment. Before Carnage #2 even knew what hit him, Miyu swooped down, tied him up with her foot ribbon, and then bounded out of the restaurant with him hoisted over her shoulder.
Miyu: ^-^ "I have you now, Carnage-chan!"
Carnage #2: ;_; "But I haven't finished my diplomacy!"
Despite the Dark Mirror clone's protests, Miyu disappeared down the road, happily humming a song to herself about a little red ball. Left in her wake, the entire group of fanboys and Outer Senshi all leaned out the front doors of Chez Baka.
"Could someone tell me what just happened?" Riot asked.
"You're better off not knowing," Dark Mayhem replied.