Haruka stepped over to the stunned gaggle of Inners. "Ara, what brings you here?"
The answer presented itself in the form of an irate Nehelenia, throwing an SD hissy fit as she stomped out from the tattered remains of her mirror world, punt-chaning Hysteria in the process. And punting anything else that had the misfortune of getting in her way.
"Okay, that's it! I've had it!" Nehelenia snapped, pulling up the torn ends of her dress as she stepped out onto one of the tables. Her once curly and flowing purple hair was now in utter disarray, frizzled ends sticking out in every direction. "I swear the next one of you idiots so much as touches me, you're getting cursed with bad luck for the next seven years of your life!"
Fanboys: "Too late."
Nehelenia: [twitch!] "Shaddup!"
Tomoyo: [leaning over to Sakura] "Do you think she's a Clow Card?"
Sakura: ^^;; "Um...let's just pretend not and quickly find someplace to take cover."
"Oh, there's more of you now?" Nehelenia remarked upon seeing Riot, Ruckus & Pandemonium. "It still won't save you."
Pandemonium's eyes narrowed as her naughty tentacles started to slither towards Nehelenia.
"At least now you're all here in once place," Nehelenia stated, trying to brush some of her slightly mangled hair off her shoulders. "Now I can eradicate every last one of you. Fanboy and Senshi alike, you're all plagues upon the face of this planet. And I shall have my revenge for what you've done to me!"
Much to her surprise, Chaos confidently strolled towards her. Realizing that he made for a much better punching bag, none of the fanboys really tried to stop him, and instead saluted the nobly deluded sacrifice Chaos was about to make. Hotaru just sighed and asked Chef Li where the emergency first aid kit was located.
"Oho, look at this," Chaos stated with an amused grin. "Big bad mirror girl's got her reflection all in a knot."
Retorted Nehelenia, "I don't have a reflection anymore, thanks to that uber-kawaii idiot of a daughter you have."
Everyone: "There's no definitive proof Hysteria's my kid!"
Hysteria: "Waaaaah! Minna-chan's ganging up on poor kawaii little Hysteria! Why is everyone so mean to her?"
Dark Mayhem: "If you bothered to grab a clue or a brain, then you could figure it out."
"And just what do you think you can do?" Nehelenia crooned, pointing haughtily at Chaos. "I remember watching you when my mirror paraderies attacked last time. You spent all your time cowering behind Sailor Saturn."
"It was a very brave sort of cowering!" Chaos defended himself. "But I'll have you know that I have a secret weapon that'll make you think twice about insulting my lack of intelligence. No wait...wasn't it 'insulting my intelligence'? Anyhoo, because you dare to threaten my date with Hotaru--"
Sailor Uranus: [evil demonic Senshi mode!] "WHAT?!"
Chaos: o.O; [erk!] "I meant, my integrity!"
"Prepare yourself, Nehelenia," Chaos said, reaching for something behind his back. "for the deadly art of Chaos-fu's Bakaspace!!"
[Cue an SD Chaos & SD Dark Schneider taking over the fic!]
SD Chaos: ^^v "Ohayo! And welcome to the latest instalment of 'Ask Mister Uber Exploder Wizard.' Today we're going to be examining that life-altering question of--"
SD Setsuna: [walking in] "Either of you seen Havoc?"
SD Chaos: ^^;; "Close, but that wasn't the question we're looking at."
SD Dark Schneider: [punting Chaos aside!] "Who cares about questions? I want to look at her legs! Damn, what I wouldn't give to be her thighmaster!"
SD Setsuna: "So do you know where Havoc is?"
SD Chaos-shaped hole in the wall: x.x "Itaaaaiiii...."
SD Dark Schneider: "Why would you want to go looking for him when you've got me, babe?"
SD Setsuna: [sweatdrop!] "Um, maybe later. But...if it's not too much trouble, I mean...could you please steal my panties for me?"
SD Dark Schneider: ^-^ [scooting closer to Setsuna] "If this is your idea of foreplay, I like it!"
SD Chaos: [waddling around with crutches] "Hey, what about the Hammerspace question?"
SD Dark Schneider: "Who cares? I'm getting fanserviced here; go answer that yourself."
SD Chaos: "But you're the uber exploder wizard!"
SD Dark Schneider: [casting a spell] "MEGA--!!"
SD Chaos: ^-^;; "And today I'll be explaining Bakaspace for you readers! You see, this is a play on the Anime concept of Hammerspace. What is Hammerspace, you ask?"
Dark Schneider: [with a set of panties on his head] "If you have to ask that, you're a bunch of dumbasses."
SD Chaos: --;; "Let's try not to insult absolutely everyone today, Darshu. Hammerspace was made famous by Akane Tendo, who could pull enormous wooden mallets of out nowhere. She then used those mallets to clobber Ranma."
[SD Chaos walks over to a large chart with lots of stick figures on it, courtesy of Dom from the online strip Megatokyo. Chaos points to a stick figure wielding a large mallet.]
SD Chaos: "You see, a pan-dimension is more like a pocket of space and time. It's another realm or reality that is hidden from ours. So if you own a pan-dimension, it could be incredibly huge...even if the way to get into it is by climbing into a cardboard box. The doorways are the only real trick."
SD Washu: ^-^ "I have one of those dimensions in Tenchi's closet under the stairs."
SD Chaos: --;; "Excuse me, but who's the sensei here, you or me?!"
SD Dark Schneider: "Hey, Washu-baby, ya want me to steal your panties to?"
SD Washu: "I will on one condition. You must...(^^) call me Washu-chan!"
[SD Dark Schneider facevaults!]
SD Dark Schneider: "What the [beep!] [beep!]?!"
SD Chaos: ^^;; "And before he gets the censor board pounding at our door with torches and pitch forks again, let's get back to Hammerspace. It's also frequently used by Kaori from City Hunter, as well as Sana for her squeaky Sana-hammers. Um...I think that about wraps it up. Darshu, you have anything you want to add here?"
SD Dark Schneider: [stripping Washu nekkid] "Damn, it's good to be me! I'm going to lick you with my tongue all fic long, Washu!"
SD Washu: "Uh uh uh. It's Washu-chan."
SD Dark Schneider: "Whatever. Let's get nekkid!"
SD Chaos: o.O; [ack!] "Quick, somebody cue the fic before he takes his pants off!"
[Cue the fic!]
Nehelenia watched as Chaos dramatically reached into his Bakaspace pocket and drew out...the Nekobus. Unfortunately the Nekobus was waaaaay too heavy for Chaos to hold above his head, and he was subsequently crushed underneath it.
"Well, he never did say who he would be smiting with Bakaspace," Dark Mayhem offered.
Returning her gaze to the characters who were actual threats to her existence and ambitions for world domination, Nehelenia's eyes narrowed as she saw that it was one of her against a total of eight Sailor Senshi and nine fanboys...and one completely useless Nekobus parked on top of Chaos. To even things out, hordes of her mirror paradery demonettes appeared and swarmed the already crowded cafe.
Upon which Sakura booted everyone outside.
At least there they could do more damage on a larger scale.
"Why are we getting involved in this?" Ruckus said, starting to walk away. However, he found his path blocked by rows upon rows of incessantly giggling mirror paraderies.
"She's challenged us to a battle of anything-goes martial arts mirror-fu," Riot stated, smiling as he unsheathed his rubber ducky. Quickly seeing his error, he switched to a tonfa. "As samurai, we must accept her challenge."
Ruckus sweatdropped. "What's this 'we' thing?"
"Well I for one have a tentacle to pick with her, if she's the reason I've had to file all those truancy reports at Jyuban High," Pandemonium said.
By this time everyone was trying to get a word in edgewise before the entire scene turned into a hyperactive battle narrative in which barely anyone would get a decent line amidst the screaming and explosions and fanservice.
Sailor Jupiter: "We can't let her win."
Demolition: [nod nod!] "If she wins, the Aniverse will never be able to see how muscular my abs are."
Sailor Moon: "She still has my Mamo-chan!"
Sailor Saturn: "Hang on, Chaos-chan. I'm jacking up the Nekobus right now!"
Chaos: x.x "Hai...."
Sailor Uranus: "Just how did we get involved in all this?"
Dark Mayhem: "Think of it this way: the adrenaline of violence makes for great foreplay."
Sailor Neptune: ^^v "Hotcha!"
Pandemonium: [deploying her naughty tentacles of justice] "You're getting the full body cavity treatment from me, lady."
Nehelenia: [hmph!] "And that just terrifies me so much I'll recant of my evil ways and become a girl scout leader from now on."
Hysteria: ^-^ "Really?"
Riot: [brandishing his tonfa sword] "Yah-ha, evil mirror woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a thorough extermination!"
Nehelenia: [sweatdrop!] "What?"
Carnage: [rolling his eyes] "That guy's about as coherent as a Hecto fansub."
And with that, the wanton shonen segment began. Fanboys and Senshi clashed with the mirror paraderies, spilling glass in every direction. Youma head and arms were ripped off and sent flying all over the place. Fire, lightning, ice and a whole lot of world shaking goin' on were making for quite the colourful lightshow.
"We could seriously use some extra firepower right about now!" Pesti-chan stated as he boldly fled a horde of mirror paraderies.
Seconds later the paraderies got mowed down by Carnage's T-74 tank. "I'm working on it!" Carnage called out cheerfully, making his way towards Nehelenia.
Sailor Mars unleashed a series of Burning Mandalas to clear a path for the tank. A mirror paradery snuck up behind her, using the distraction to grab Mars' arms and try to pull the Inner Senshi to the ground.
"Hey, let go!" Mars exclaimed. "A little help here!"
Help came in the form of a large and rather ferocious kawaii killer butterfly, which tore off the glass youma's head and then proceeded to gorge itself on the hapless paradery's entrails.
"Let that be a lesson not to mess with Hysteria's kawaii little Rei-momma," Sailor Chibi-Haley stated with a vindictive sniff directed at the youma. "Too bad that one wasn't an Angel; Hysteria's getting kinda hungry right now."
Sailor Mars: ^^;; [slowly inching away from Hysteria] "......"
Riot was busy unleashing the awesome power of his anything-goes martial arts smite-fu techniques. In many ways it was a mystery weapon theatre moment, since he was never really sure what sort of thing he'd be pulling out from his sleeves. First was a large beach ball. Then he drew out a kubikiri sword, which was used for beheadings. Then he pulled out Desolation's severed head.
Deso-head: ^-^ "Domo! It was getting a little stuffy down there."
Riot: [sweatdrop!] "What the most honourable hell?"
Oblivious to yet another Deso-head sight gag, Sailor Venus charged past Riot. Her Venus Love-Me chain tied up like a lariat, she was busy lassoing any youma who were attacking her friends...and then proceeding to fling the lassoed youma around like a ball & chain to take out even more paraderies.
But suddenly three mirror paraderies pounced, all of them dropping from above onto her back. No matter how hard she tried to struggle, Venus found herself being slowly subdued. The snapping of jaws echoed all around her. Venus closed her eyes, trying to gather up her strength and force them off.
She never even heard the quiet whisper of "Dead Scream."
Venus did, however, notice the sudden explosion of energy that immediately vaporized the three youma clinging to her back. She turned around, looking at Sailor Pluto with great relief.
"Arigato," she said. "It's good to see you finally joining the battle. We need all the extra help we can get."
Pluto shook her head. "Actually, I'm not here to fight Nehelenia."
"You're not?" Venus said incredulously, sweatdropping.
"There's something else very urgent that I have to attend to," Pluto explained hastily. "Look, I don't have much time, but if I fail then we're all doomed."
Surprised by the worry in Pluto's voice--which was a valid reason for everyone to be likewise concerned--Venus gave a mute nod. "Is there anything I can do to--"
She ducked as Pluto levelled her BAK to another platoon of youma, wasting the entourage of paradery demons.
"As a matter of fact there is," Pluto said.
"Ano...you're not going to have me steal your panties again, are you?" Venus asked.
Pluto shook her head. "No, that can come later. Minako, I need to borrow the Yggdrasil jacket for a little while."
While she wasn't entirely sure why Pluto wanted the Yggdrasil jacket, and now of all times to ask for it, Venus handed over the jacket. Just as Pluto was about to leave, another mirror paradery accosted them. Sailor Venus adeptly spun around on one heel, taking off the youma's head with a kick to its face.
Pluto trapped the paradery's head beneath her foot, swinging her big-assed key around so that the garnet end was now resting beside the still-giggling head. She winced momentarily upon finding her gloves all sticky from the white marshmellowy bits still sticking to the timestaff. And then Pluto wound back and hammered the mirror paradery's head like was a golf ball.
Paradery head: "Tee hee heeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
"I knew training with all those chibi-Havoc's would pay off," Pluto remarked smugly before walking away and disappearing from the scene.
By now the visitors from Chaos' tour group had arrived, and were all standing behind a roped-off area, taking pictures and applauding whenever a fanboy made some daring move. A number of the Senshi got distracted when an overly amorous fan of theirs started screaming out their request for an autograph.
Sailor Uranus: [grrr!] "Can't you see I'm busy here?!"
Greenbeans: [Bambi eyes!] "But Haruka-chaaaaaaan!"
Then most unexpectedly, Havoc-chan walked onto whatever was left of the devastated district. She suddenly stopped and blinked as she noted all the other characters around. "Wait a minute! I was in the middle of the duelling battle with Havoc-kun and Red Queen Kasumi. How'd I get here all of a--(o.O;) Oh no, I've becoming a walking plothole!!"
"We might as well make some use of you then," Dark Mayhem stated, grabbing Havoc-chan by the collar of her shirt and then lobbing her at Pandemonium. "Pan-chan, incoming perv!"
A stray naughty tentacle wrapped around Havoc-chan's waist in midair, suspending the girl-type ex-Hentenno upside-down. "And what am I supposed to do with her?" Pandemonium snapped, still busy fighting off all the mirror paraderies.
"Havoc-chan's the alternate Perv Bride!" Dark Mayhem replied, dipping Sailor Mercury down for a deep kiss and then blowing apart an advancing legion of paraderies with a Venom spell. "Pull the Sword of Dildos out from her chest!"
Somewhat unconvinced, Pandemonium stared at Havoc-chan. "You have got to be kidding me."
"We have to try something!" Pesti-chan snapped. "Carnage isn't doing too hot against Nehelenia!"
[Cue the mighty Zeorymer mecha towering over Nehelenia!]
"Bwah hah hah ha ha!!" Carnage cackled rather maniacally inside the cockpit. "Behold, my restored Zeorymer! Wet your pants in cell-drawn terror, Nehelenia. Now it's time for me go Hades Project on your ass."
He pressed the main weapons activation button, which had been aptly labelled 'Nuke'. However, nothing happened. There was a cough from the engine before all the mecha's systems shut down. Carnage blinked in disbelief, too stunned to say anything as the emergency lighting went on inside the cockpit.
"What the hell?" he muttered darkly, smacking one of the readouts. And then he saw a little flashing yellow light at the bottom of his main screen. "The front hatch is ajar?! Oh for the love of--"
That was about as much as he could say, since during the interim Nehelenia had casually walked over and kicked one of the Zeorymer's legs out from underneath the rest of the mecha. With a loud noise the Zeorymer crashed into a nearby building, uselessly sitting there.
Nehelenia: [calmly turning around] "Next!"
"See what we mean?" Sailor Jupiter said, gesturing to the fallen Zeorymer--which was now being subjected to the sac-beating wrath of an SD Carnage and his zanba sword.
Swatting aside a few more mirror paraderies, Pandemonium balked at the notion of using the sword. But seeing as how they were running out of options and attacks really fast, there wasn't much of a choice. With great flair she bent Havoc-chan over backwards and then dramatically pulled out the Sword of Dildos from between Havoc-chan's bosoms.
Pandemonium: [holding the sword high above her head] "Give me the power to arrest these criminal demons!"
Havoc-chan: >.< [rubbing her chest] "OW. That's it, I'm leaving before anything else gets pulled out of me."
Pandemonium: [appraising the sword] "Ano...it's limp."
Demolition: "Then start stroking it, dammit!"
Pandemonium: [eyebrow twitch!] "YOU STROKE IT!!"
And just then Pandemonium also noticed a few other features the Sword of Dildos had, such as the on/off switch, its ribbed quality, not to mention--
"What the? It's vibrating?!" she exclaimed.
"Just pretend it's a Prog Knife!" Pesti-chan called out, suddenly splitting apart in order to avoid getting a youma fist through his face. The paradery shrieked when it suddenly found 6 li'l SD avatars clamouring around on its arm.
Pandemonium was still sceptical about using the weapon in her hands. "A self-lubricating Prog Knife? That's it, I'm gonna use the Panzer Kunst."
As she started kicking mirror paraderies all over the place, Ruckus found his seemingly endless supply of projectile shuriken now running near empty. "Oh why couldn't these have been bishie paraderies?" he said whilst crouched on the side of a wall.
"They just keep on coming and coming," Sailor Uranus growled as she sliced the heads off a number of the glass youma with her Space Sword. "Even we can't fight forever."
"I fear that's exactly what Nehelenia's counting on," Mercury agreed, freezing a small cluster of paraderies.
Sailor Mars worriedly looked around the street. "Ne, where are Hotaru and Duo?"
"Here come the reinforcements!" Neptune exclaimed upon seeing a fresh batch of replacement youma charging down the street. She immediately raced over to Demolition and ripped open his shirt.
Just like F9! II, all the mirror paraderies screamed as they gazed upon Demolition's might abs, and spontaneously shattered all to pieces.
"My Sword of Light would have done the trick," Demolition said, quite annoyed with her.
"What about your most honourable demon wards?" Riot asked.
Demolition shook his head, elbow-jabbing a paradery in the face. "Used them all up ten paragraphs ago. Hey, where's Nehelenia? And what's NinNin doing over here?"
Sailor Moon: [sweatdrop!] "Ano...there appears to be a video camera shoved up your nose."
NinNin: x.x "Nat's what I've been nrying no nell you!"
Hysteria: ^-^ "Ooooh, camera-chan! Camera-chan!"
[Hysteria abruptly stops as she looks through the lens.]
Hysteria: >.< "Ewwww. Booger-chans."