* * *
Atop the Hentopia duelling arena, Havoc-kun was fighting to stay alive and in the lemon-filled game. Without any primary attack or weapon to duel with, he was at the mercy Red Queen Kasumi's whip. Under other circumstances evasion would have been easy, but Havoc-kun knew that his perverted bounce was gone. All he could do was dive out of the way and run as fast as he could.
The constant strain of dodging, diving and rolling was swiftly taking its toll. Breathing heavily, Havoc-kun winced was the tip of Skimehime-chan's whip grazed his cheek, drawing a trickle of Cream Lemon.
"Oh, gomen," Red Queen Kasumi apologized, bowing to him. "Next time I'll try to give just a bruise, and no actual cuts. It isn't fun if I break you this early into the match."
"Kuso," Havoc-kun growled, glaring at RQK. "Of all the times for Havoc-chan to walk off and disappear...."
The light from the setting sun was starting to fade.
Within a few minutes the last remaining hues of red would turn to blue and violet as night fell. That mean the Maze-styled gender switching. But if the prophecy within Terminal Dojima was to be believed, he had to attack before nightfall. One second too late, and everything was doomed to failure.
Havoc-kun snapped out of his frantic thoughts as the whip snapped at him. He jumped back, trying to predict where Red Queen Kasumi was going to strike next.
Unexpectedly, he bumped into someone behind him.
Someone with shrinking bosoms.
"About time you got back," Havoc-kun muttered. "Where the hell have you been?"
Havoc-chan painfully rubbed between her breasts. "Don't ask."
"You've been saying that a lot lately." Havoc-kun glanced over at Red Queen Kasumi, who was politely cackling yet again at her seemingly obvious victory. "We have to do the attack now."
Havoc-chan hesitated. "I don't know if we can...."
Suddenly there was a vision before the two Havocs.
A spectral image of Satoshi Urushihara appeared before them. Opening up the pages of his "Venus Select" artbook to a very ecchi picture, he said, "Use the panty, Hentenno-sama. Feel the panty. Be the panty."
Havoc-kun nodded. "Yes...I *AM* the panty."
He looked for Havoc-chan, who was running into position on the opposite end of the duelling arena.
"Oh, it's the two-on-one again," Skimehime-chan remarked, not scared in the slightest. "As much as I enjoy a menage a trois, Havoc-kun, you're still the slave I want to dominate." She raised the whip over her head, ready to bring it down and have the tip tear the panties off Havoc-kun's head.
"The lemon ends here, Havoc."
Havoc-kun smirked. "Animes come and animes go, but hentai is forever!!" His eyes widened as he unleashed the awesome fury if his hentai battle aura. With an unearthly bellow of "HOTCHA!", the aura swept across the arena, sealing everything and everyone within its swirling perverted power.
"Ara, you're channelling your hentai battle auras again?" Red Queen Kasumi remarked, unable to stop from smiling. She lowered her whip, looking from one ex-uberperv to the other. "Even if you do succeed at unleashing a hentai smite of that magnitude, you're both cursed now. It's going to be completely misdirected."
Havoc-chan's eyes narrowed as she felt her hentai battle aura reach its maximum saturation. "That's the idea!"
Red Queen Kasumi stared at her in surprise. "It is?"
Yet there was no time nor luxury for giving an explanation. Their last-ditch effort was at last going to be unleashed in an all or nothing perverted attempt to save the lemon genre!
Both Havocs held out their palms towards Red Queen Kasumi, oblivious to the churning Dragon Pink hues swirling around the Hentopia ruins, the rumbling that was shaking the duelling arena. With one loud shout, they summoned their attack:
"HIRYU SHOTEN-BRA REVISED!!!"
* * *
Happily letting her mirror paraderies keep everyone else occupied, Nehelenia cornered her first two victims. Namely, Chaos and Sailor Saturn. Chaos was the least of Nehelenia's concerns; in fact, he made for great bait. Saturn on the other hand was harbinger to be reckoned with.
"Lower your glaive and I'll let him go free," Nehelenia state, using her unnaturally mobile hair to hoist a teary-eyed Chaos in front of herself. It was the perfect defense, given how Chaos was now a human shield. Well, actually just as a shield for her chest since Chaos had gone chibified. And Chaos was working his own escape attempt in the process--though what that had to do with the roll of toilet paper and the icicle lights in his hands had yet to be ascertained.
"He is your boyfriend isn't he?" Nehelenia pressed. One hand hidden behind her back, she began to conjure an attack that would take out Sailor Saturn once and for all.
Saturn paused, and scratched her head. "I don't really know. Are you, Chaos?"
Chaos' eyebrow twitched. "Hotaru, I don't think this is the time to start talking about our relationship."
"But she has a point," Saturn countered, gesturing to Nehelenia with the Silence Glaive. "I mean, you're only good to her if I actually care about you."
The confident if not cocky smile on Nehelenia's face started to fade. A little confused and very worried, she looked at Chaos. "But you do care for him, don't you?"
"That's beside the point," Saturn stated. "He doesn't seem all that thrilled to be around me most of the time. I might go so far as to say it's a one-sided love I have."
Chaos vehemently shook his head, a large cluster of sweatdrops orbiting around his face. The kana for "please don't smite me!" started cruising along in the background...until Nehelenia stomped on it and deflated the whole floating sentence.
By now Chaos had pulled out a pan-dimensional Magical Girls handbook and was frantically flipping through the chapters. "There has got to be something about that 'saving the innocents at all costs' clause...(o.O;) Outer Senshi are exempt?!"
"See?" Saturn said to Nehelenia. "I can destroy him if it means destroying you in the process. Any sacrifice for the success of the mission."
"But won't that haunt you for the rest of your life?" Nehelenia protested, desperate to find something to maintain her edge over the Senshi.
Chaos nodded. "Hai! I would haunt you, I would haunt you! Ne?"
Saturn shrugged at that. "I can live with that. After all, it's not like you're my boyfriend, Chaos. I'm not going to be devastated if you're gone. And after seeing what Chaos can survive, he might actually live through a Silence Glaive Surprise at point-blank range. It's a win-win situation for me."
Having gone completely beyond panic, Chaos swallowed hard. All the colour having drained from her face, Nehelenia rotated Chaos around with her hair and glared at him. "What kind of a hostage are you?!" she exclaimed.
"The ineffective kind, apparently!" Chaos snapped. "Hotaru, you don't have to hurt me. Really!"
"Well, Nehelenia does have a point," Saturn remarked, still unnaturally calm amidst the tense situation. "A boyfriend and girlfriend are romantically involved. If you were my koibito then I'd certainly have a problem with taking you out alongside Nehelenia. But since you're not...."
Her voice trailed off ominously.
Saturn checked her appearance in the reflection of the glaive, and then turned it so that the sharpest edge was pointing towards Chaos. Her violet eyes narrowed, almost revelling in watching both Chaos and Nehelenia squirm. "I bet a date this Friday night for a private dinner and the movies is looking pretty good right now," she said. "Ne, Chaos?"
Chaos glanced over at Nehelenia, then back at Hotaru. "Deal," he stated. "You want me to pick you up at seven or eight?"
"Na ni?!" Nehelenia exclaimed, gawking at Chaos in horror and surprise.
Her attention no longer focused on Saturn resulted in an opening that the Outer Senshi took advantage of. Racing forward, Saturn swung her glaive and sliced Chaos free from Nehelenia's hair. With a yelp the SD otaku unceremoniously tumbled to the ground face-first.
"Kuso," Nehelenia hissed, jumping back to a safer distance. "How can you be a magical girl and be so ruthless at the same time?"
Saturn: ;p "I was bluffing. Ne, Chaos-chan?"
Chaos: o.O;; [kowai!] "You were?! I nearly had a heart attack back there!"
"You dare to insult me again?" Nehelenia snarled. "This will not go unpunish--!!"
Suddenly a large explosion rocked the street, sending dozens of various mirror paradery parts all over the place. Chaos shielded Saturn beneath an umbrella (and then realized that for his own safety he should be hiding under it too), while Nehelenia just raced around trying to avoid getting hit.
As the debris and smoke cleared, it revealed the rest of the cast all standing upright and intact. Hundreds of mirror paradery pieces laid broken at their feet. Their uniforms and clothes singed, torn, tattered and missing in some cases, all the Senshi and the fanboys stared coldly at Nehelenia.
"This can't be good," Nehelenia said.
Pulling the comatose Mamoru out of deep storage in her mirror dimension would take too much time. She had to come up with a way of defending herself from everyone, or else the rest of this battle would get very unpleasant for her.
She spun around as a wayward fanboy happened to walk right behind her. With a savage grin, Nehelenia let her hair uncoil and shoot out at the fanboy. Desolation had just enough time to lower his trusty "Map of Gaghiel's Stomach" to see the army of purple hair snaking out towards him. Before he could say or do anything, Nehelenia's hair wrapped around him and dragged Desolation in front of her.
"Ha! You may have been able to bluff your way through that one," she crooned. "But let's see you try that stunt again with this guy!"
Carnage, Dark Mayhem and Demolition all assumed offensive stances. Each one began to glow as they summoned their worst possible spells. Namely two Dragu Slaves and one Megadeth. The Inner Senshi summoned their attacks. Pesti-chan primed a Rumblequake. Uranus and Neptune gathered there glowing attack orbs. Pandemonium aimed both her arm cannons. Hysteria got ready to unleash another Kawaii Killer Butterfly. Saturn folded a Silence Wall around Nehelenia to minimize the damage area, and then added her own Silence Glaive Surprise to the mix. Not wanting to sacrifice his cows and turn them into well-done steaks, Chaos decided to lob the worst thing he could think of: the Akiocar.
Ruckus: "Aren't we going to contribute to this?"
Riot: "We're swordsmen. What are we going to do: most honourably hack her ashes to pieces?"
Sailor Moon: [hesitantly raising her hand] "Ano...what if I tried using my loving, teary Bambi eyes on her? I mean, I am supposed to want to save everyone, after all--friends and enemies alike."
Dark Mayhem: "And spoil our big moment? Perish the thought!"
Sailor Neptune: "Go sit in the corner, Usagi."
Sailor Moon: [walking off] "Hai...."
Nehelenia laughed at all of them, unusually smug in the face of such high-powered attacks aimed right at her. "Fools. Are you willing to kill one of your own just to destroy me?"
A dark smile tugged at the edges of Carnage's lips. "It's only Desolation," he stated.
"He's a 'Wu'," Dark Mayhem replied evenly.
Sailor Jupiter nodded. "He'll live."
"NA NI?!" Nehelenia exclaimed, realizing that this time nobody was bluffing. "What's wrong with you people?!"
Still calmly reading his map of Gaghiel's digestive tract despite being tangled up in her hair, Desolation turned back to Nehelenia. "Ooooh, you're so going to get your ass smited," he said to her, unable to stop from chuckling.
"What about you?!" Nehelenia retorted angrily.
Desolation shrugged. "A seven o'clock appointment is a seven o'clock appointment. It's not like this is an altogether new sensation of pain for me."
Fairy Godbabbit: [handing Nehelenia a small purple umbrella] "Here, open this up and hold it over your head."
Nehelenia: [???] "This will protect me?"
Fairy Godbabbit: ^-^ "No, but it'll make your demise all the more comical."
And with that send off, everyone unleashed their attacks in one loud chorus of shouts. The world of Sailormoon became incredibly colourful all of a sudden, as an enormous plume of fire, magic and smoke exploded into the skies. The shockwave from the combined smites, despite being contained behind the Silence Wall, still managed to reach out and shatter the windows of any building within a 2 kilometer radius. The roads were rattled and up in the skies every cloud hovering over Japan was instantly dissipated as a shaft of pure mass destructive force shot up into the heavens.
Flying atop the pillar of smite was the Akiocar, its burglar alarm beeping wildly. And sitting nonchalantly atop the hood of the Akiocar was Desolation, still reading his Gaghiel map. "I think we missed the turn-off for the Angel's spleen," he remarked, handing the map over to the Fairy Godbabbit. "What do you think?"
Quoth the Fairy Godbabbit clad in the astronaut's suit: "Don't you need oxygen in order to breathe in outer space?"
Once the initial detonation faded away, Saturn waited a few minutes for the secondary explosions to end before she took down her Silence Wall. The entire street was now grey and smoggy, the glorious scent of cute Senshi & self-gratuitous avatar sweat saturating the air.
"Was it good for everyone else?" Dark Mayhem remarked, displaying a fanged grin as he wrapped his arm around the innocent Sailor Mercury. She responded by bending him backwards and french kissing him.
Sailor Jupiter coughed and waved a hand in front of her face, trying to clear the air. "We really did a number on her," she said. "Finally, the battle's over."
"Finally, the fic's over," Demolition sighed.
"When do I get my Mamo-chan back?" Sailor Moon exclaimed.
But as the dust settled, it revealed a very chillingly familiar silhouette standing in the centre of a gaping crater. A cold gust of wind blew through the district, conveniently clearing up the air for the latest plot twist in a fic that just refused to end.
Yes, you guessed it, hokey smoke, watch me pull a were-cabbit out of my hat--
--Nehelenia had survived!! Albeit a little more scorched than usual, she was alive and kicking...and fully pissed off. She brushed some of the ash and dirt from her sleeves, her cat eyes narrowing at her adversaries.
"You just ruined my favourite dress," she hissed.
Chaos scratched his head. "But wasn't that the only dress she was ever seen wearing?"
"That's why it was my favourite, you half-wit!" Angrily she stomped up the curving slope of the crater towards them. Her entire body was trembling in outright and barely concealed fury. "You're mine now. ALL of you."
"She's still alive?" gasped Sailor Mars. "But how's that possible?"
"She's almost as bad as Havoc," Carnage snarled.
"Shimatta!" Pesti-chan said, smacking his forehead. "I forgot; in Super S they sealed off Nehelenia, but she escaped for the first six episodes of Sailorstars."
Riot slowly drew out one of the last remaining blades he had stashed in his outfit. "So how do we most honourably stop her?"
"We have to give her a second chance at her childhood so she won't grow up so lonely," Pesti-chan replied. "Typical shoujo shtick. She has to become a little girl again!"
"Oh, you make it sound so simple," Chaos said dryly. "Why don't I just go and challenge the Hitokiri Battousai to a sword match with a toothpick while we're at it!"
He was immediately clobbered with a cabbage to the face.
"You're not helping!" Pesti-chan snapped.
"What about the strange remote control you guys have?" Neptune asked. "Can't you use that?"
There wasn't any more time to say anything else as Nehelenia leapt out from the crater, swiping at the group with her claws. Everyone either backed away or tumbled over each other. With a perfectly evil grin, Nehelenia turned towards Sailor Venus. "First up...the blonde!"
With an enraged shout she aimed her outstretched hands at Venus. A burst of magic erupted from her palms, the wave causing the air to ripple as it slammed into Venus' chest. With a cry Venus was thrown backwards--and right into an awaiting mirror that had suddenly appeared behind her. Venus' body passed right through the reflective surface as if the glass never existed, trapping her inside.
Venus' body abruptly froze, her eyes glazing over as if she'd gone into some sort of cryo-stasis...or gotten bored watching a B'tX episode.
"Venus!" Sailor Moon screamed, racing to help her fallen comrade. But she was instantly tackled by Sailor Mars.
"Usagi, you can't help her," Mars countered, holding her struggling friend at bay. "We have to stop Nehelenia and then we can free Minako."
Nehelenia turned as she heard their voices, her slitted eyes flashing crimson. Both Senshi gasped as another blast of magic was unleashed at them. Suddenly Riot stood in front of them, cutting the attack in half with one slash from his katana.
"Ha! You are fifty years too early to beat my anything-goes, martial arts block-fu," he stated.
"Ano...Riot?" Pesti-chan said, tapping the samurai otaku on the shoulder. "You might want to check your peripherals."
As it turned out, Riot's strike hadn't destroyed the attack, but instead cut it in half. Now the left half had engulfed Dark Mayhem inside one of Nehelenia's dark mirrors, and the right half had done the same with Sailor Saturn.
Chaos: [armed with a pick-axe] "Daijobu, Hotaru-chan! I'll get you out of there...somehow."
"She's not getting away with that," Sailor Jupiter stated, pooling her own powers. "Jupiter Oak Evolution!!"
A barrage of flying leaf-like projectiles were hurled towards Nehelenia. But without even flinching, Nehelenia stretched out her arms and stopped the Oak Evolution in midair. The now harmless projectiles tumbled to the broken ground.
"Hey, she's cheating!" Hysteria exclaimed. "That is soooo not kawaii!"
"Who does she think she is? Keanu Reeves in The Matrix?" Carnage muttered darkly. He hastily ducked a dark mirror attack aimed at him. "Shimatta, of all the times to not have Miyu around to banish someone to the Dark!"
Nehelenia spun around, trying to hit Pandemonium with a dark mirror attack. However, the revamped Sexaroid Boomer proved to still be incredibly fast, adeptly dodging the attack. But one of the naughty tentacles of justice didn't fare so well. Pandemonium kept running forward, and then got unexpectedly yanked right off her feet.
Looking back she found a stray tentacle caught inside the reflection of a dark mirror. Not matter how hard she tried to pull it out, the mirror refused to budge. "I'm kinda stuck here!" she said, taking cover behind a battered Stop sign.
But the bosoms sticking out from behind the sign gave her position away.
"Hang on, I'm coming to help!" Sailor Mercury called out. But then an attack from behind struck her in the back. With a startled cry Mercury tumbled forward into a dark mirror, which swallowed her up.
"What the hell?" Chaos snapped in exasperation. "We spend twenty-five pages on one single stupid battle, and only now do people start actually dropping like flies? This was not a DBZ fic last I checked!"
Seeing that his pick-axe was of no help in freeing Hotaru from her dark mirror prison, Chaos opted for something else. "Now this is more like it!" he beamed, hauling out a jackhammer.
"Will someone get that remote control?" Neptune asked, launching a diversionary Deep Submerge so Sailors Moon & Mars could take cover.
Demolition dove to avoid getting sucked into his own dark mirror, rolling across the ground. "That's kind of hard when we don't know who has it."
Riot quickly inspected the inside of his sleeves. "Not here."
Ruckus quickly inspected the inside of Carnage's underwear. "Not here either."
"Will you stop that?!" Carnage shouted, punting Ruckus into the air.
"This is getting ridiculous," Pesti-chan muttered to Jupiter as they hid behind the fallen Zeorymer. He risked sticking his head out and called out, "Chaos, you're the one who usually does idiotic things with it! Where'd you put it?"
Chaos: [riding the jackhammer across the fic!] "I-I-I-I'm-m k-k-k-i-i-i-n-n-d-d-d-a-a-a-a-a-a b-b-b-u-u-s-s-s-s-y-y-y!!"
But as luck or plot contrivance would have it, the remote control of the gods (which had been tucked into the rear pocket of his new Bakaboy jeans) tumbled out from his pocket. There was just one teeny little problem: it landed right next to Nehelenia.
Pesti: [looking up at the author] "That doesn't help."
"What is that remote anyways?" Sailor Mars asked.
Demolition shrugged, trying to think of something non-4th Wallish to say. "Not sure. It's like an inter-dimensional key or something. But...um...it can accelerate time!"
"But wouldn't we have to reverse time if we wanted Nehelenia to become an innocent child again?" Sailor Moon asked.
Demolition's eyebrow twitched. "Who's making up the science as they go along, Usagi: you or me?"
With that he made a daring madcap charge towards Nehelenia. Neptune stepped out from her hiding place, firing at Nehelenia with a Deep Submerge--only to get taken out by a dark mirror in the process. But using the diversion, Desolation slid across the ground and scooped up the remote control of the gods. Of course...the whole effort might have been a little more effective had Desolation not slid to a stop right next to Nehelenia.
"Crap," Demolition remarked with a scowl. He turned to the nearest person--who unfortunately happened to be Hysteria. "Hysteria, catch it!" he shouted, throwing the remote control of the gods at her. Seconds later he got knocked into a dark mirror.
Hysteria was somewhat surprised to see a remote control spinning through the air towards her. She caught the remote, looked down at it and then proceeded to exclaim, "Hysteria doesn't want this!"
Then much to everyone's protests she tossed the remote control over her shoulder. And she still couldn't understand why Carnage fireballed her a few seconds later.
So now the remote control of the gods was being tossed around like a hot potato...or Kasumi Tendo if you've read some of the stranger Ranmafics out there. Kasumi Tendo as a potato; what were they thinking?!
Oh right, the fic!
So Hysteria tossed the remote control of the gods and got zorched for it. That didn't help since the magical attack resulted in her Zoantropying. The large but oh so kawaii hairy monster was rather hard for Nehelenia to not hit. On the down side, none of her dark mirrors could fit the bakamono and so Nehelenia found herself trying to squeeze the Hysteria-tropy into the mirror with a plunger.
But this proved the distraction everyone was waiting for.
They all turned to Chaos, who was had already broken 5 beam sabres in trying to carve a hole for the frozen Hotaru to escape through. Picking up the remote control of the gods, Chaos aimed it right at Nehelenia.
Uranus: "What are you waiting for?"
Pesti: "Fast-forward her, Chaos!"
Chaos: [pressing the button!] "Hai!"
[Cue the batteries falling out of the remote!]
Chaos: o.O;; "Um...KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"