* * *
Red Queen Kasumi stared at Havoc-kun in mild perplexion. "Hiryu Shoten-Bra...revised?" she remarked with a haughty laugh. "Ara, Havoc, you are getting desperate, aren't you."
She gestured around to the duelling arena, still bathed in the fiery hues of both Havocs' hentai battle auras. Yet nothing was happening save the for the trembling of the ground beneath them.
"Well, where is it?" she asked. "Where's your glorious new attack? Did it fizzle out like everything else in your formerly perverted life?"
A sweatdrop appeared next to her head when she saw that Havoc was counting down to himself on his fingers.
And the Hiryu Shoten-Bra Revised attack came.
But instead of an enormous fury of living bras, the battle aura sought out every bra in the greater Tokyo proper and caused them to loudly snap. The soundwave from each individual bra snapping (complimented by the stunned and pained shrieks from the girls wearing them) bonded together to create one enormous circular shockwave that started to close in on itself, creating a force equal to a large hurricane.
With the duelling arena as its ground zero.
Red Queen Kasumi let out a yelp when an enormous cyclone of air suddenly exploded into the Forbidden Lemon, effortlessly rampaging past the defensive HT Fields of the Hentopia ruins. "Did you lose all the Jello in your brains?" she exclaimed. "At the rate this thing's closing in, it'll smite both of you along with me!"
Havoc-chan giggled. "And your point is?"
Whatever points (or whippings/spankings) Skimehime-chan wished to retort with were consequently silenced as the enormous shockwave o' "SNAP!!!!" roared into the duelling arena. Havoc-kun and Havoc-chan immediately jumped into the air, letting the gales pick them up and start spinning them around the cyclone.
Yet all their practice from surfing the crest of the chibi-Havoc tsunami paid off, as they both rode the smite flawlessly. Red Queen Kasumi found the whip torn from her grip moments before she herself was lifted off the ground and suspended helplessly in midair as the soundwave from Hiryu Shoten-Bra Revised imploded.
There was a great Cream Lemony flash of light.
And then there was silence.
The shockwave having collapsed and smited itself out of existence, both Havocs & Skimehime-chan dropped to the ground with a resounding and less than graceful "thud!" However, a few moments later the Royal Thong leisurely drifted down through the air and settled onto the duelling arena.
"Na ni?" Red Queen Kasumi said, slightly panicked as she reached up and found the sacred thong missing from atop her head. "Oh dear, it seems I've lost it. Now you've really gone and pissed me off, Havoc."
But the match wasn't over yet.
The HS-B Revised might have knocked the panties from Skimehime-chan's head, but the rules stated they had to be swiped by the opposing pervert. Which meant all Havoc-kun or Havoc-chan had to do was touch it before her, and they'd win.
"Go for it, Havoc-kun!" Havoc-chan exclaimed, glomping onto Red Queen Kasumi's bosoms. "I've got her covered...and fondled!"
"Hai!" Havoc-kun replied, already racing towards the Royal Thong.
Red Queen Kasumi's eyes narrowed, and despite being glomped she pushed off the ground and tried to outrun Havoc-kun to the thing. "Gomen ne, Havoc, but like hell you'll beat me now. I shall be the Hentenno forever!!"
Both uberpervs launched themselves into the air at the last second, soaring towards the coveted thong. And then they landed on the ground simultaneously...but with Red Queen Kasumi's hand touching the thong, Havoc-kun's hand on top of hers.
Havoc-kun: o.O;; "Masaka! You beat me to it?!"
Red Queen Kasumi: ^-^ "You're my slave monkey now, Havoc."
Havoc-chan: x.x [crushed between RQK's breasts & the floor] "Itai."
And then a loud and deliberate cough was made, startling all three duellists. Both Havocs and Skimehime-chan turned their heads, and saw Setsuna standing just a few steps away. In the Outer Senshi's hands was the Yggdrasil jacket.
She shook her head at Havoc. "Do you have any bloody idea how much trouble I've gone through in just trying to find you?"
"Oro?" Havoc-kun asked. "I'm sure I'm going to regret this later," Setsuna sighed. "But who am I to argue with the script?"
That said, she lunged for Havoc-kun and forced his arms into the jacket's sleeves. No sooner was the Yggdrasil jacket resting upon his shoulders did Havoc suddenly realize he had wang. Havoc-kun leapt to his feet, his entire demeanour going into uber-playboy mode. And that instantly sent his pervertedness right off the scale.
He had achieved the Mugenki: a state of infinite perverted bliss.
Unable to withstand the sudden resurgence of Havoc's lemony powers, the mark of the Ultimate Weakness Moxibustier cracked apart and then vaporized off his back. The curse no longer upon him, his Mojo'o-sama returned with a vengeance.
Red Queen Kasumi scrambled back as Havoc-kun started to float in the air, his hentai battle aura saturating the air even more intensely than before. Havoc-chan reverently stood beside him. Soon enough she began to hover as well, the two channelling their hentai battle auras into one gigantic HT Field.
The Royal Thong began to twitch upon the floor before vibrating out of control. It shot across the air into Havoc-kun's awaiting grasp. With a great ceremonial air about him, Havoc-kun placed the thong upon his head like the treasured crown it was.
"What's happening?" Skimehime-chan exclaimed, awed and frightened by the powerful libido she could feel around her.
Setsuna: "Havoc has his panties, all's well with the world."
Red Queen Kasumi: [???] "What?"
Setsuna: [walking away] "If you'd actually bothered to study the Mardyke Report, you'd understand. And that is why you are not the Hentenno."
Disappearing into her temporal pan-dimension, Setsuna left Red Queen Kasumi alone to contend with the twin uberpervs turning the duelling arena in a black dream hole for hentai.
"This is impossible," Red Queen Kasumi muttered, slowly backing away. "So much lemon concentrated into one place can only cause critical mass and destroy the very fabric of hentai existence! What are they doing?"
Havoc-kun slowly turned his head, his gaze levelling with hers. And then his eyes widened, glowing bright yellow. His body began to morph, swelling into gigantic proportions as his skin colour changed to a reptilian green. Havoc-chan was transforming in the same way. All too quickly their bodies became so immense that they were bumping shoulders.
Suddenly their shoulders fused together, and the Havocs merged to create one massive creature armed with oversized naughty tentacles, a tail and spines lining its back.
The Dojilord of the ancient prophecy had returned.
Out from the ruins of Hentopia, Pervzilla emerged. Kami-sama help us all.
* * *
Completely ignorant to the hentai mutating just three districts down from them, the fanboys and Sailor Senshi were still trying to evade capture. Chaos was on the ground, scrambling to put the batteries into the remote control the right way.
"Oh no, you don't!" Nehelenia snapped, unleashing a blast of dark energy at him.
But luckily for Chaos, he shrank into an irate SD mode a second before he would have been struck and sent into a dark mirror. Completely oblivious to the attack, he continued to irately try to fit the batteries back into the remote.
"Chaos, you idiot, grab the remote and get out of the way!" Carnage shouted, trying to distract Nehelenia with a Bomb di Wind. Nehelenia deflected the spell with a wave of her hand. Her eyes abruptly shifted towards Sailor Uranus, who was trying to sneak in for a surprise attack from behind. "And just what will that accomplish?" she cackled, firing her dark magic at the Outer Senshi.
Uranus braced herself for the impact, but then suddenly found herself scooped up in someone's arms and soaring above the ground. With a smile she nuzzled her head against her saviour. "Domo."
Ruckus: ^^v "Anytime, cutie."
Uranus: [sweatdrop!] "You're not Michiru!"
Ruckus: [grope grope!] "Hey, and you're not a guy. Those are real breasts!"
Uranus: --;; "Well what did you think they were?!"
Ruckus: "I thought you were a cross-dresser. You looked like a guy when you weren't in the fuku. I feel so misled!"
Uranus: [bopping Ruckus on the head] "I am not like Chaos!!"
"Pandemonium, you're a Sexaroid Boomer!" Pesti-chan exclaimed, as he and Jupiter yanked on Pan-chan's entrapped tentacle. But it was still fused with the dark mirror. "Can't you access something to help us out?!"
Pandemonium's eyes lit up with horizontal white lines as she scanned her database. "Searching...searching...searching."
Suddenly Pandemonium's eyes widened.
"Directive 369!" she exclaimed. Pandemonium immediately turned to Sailor Jupiter, stripped her nekkid, and then began to fondle the startled Senshi. "Must form lesbian sex pretzel to save world!"
Pesti: o.O; "Not with my Mako-chan, you won't!"
He whirled as he heard Chaos shriek.
Sure enough, Nehelenia had cornered the panicky otaku and his remote. One more blast would encase both in a dark mirror forever. "So much for the element of dumb luck," she snarled, powering up for his attack.
Nehelenia's triumphant smirk abruptly ended as she discovered an immense shadow looming over her. She looked up just in time to see the mammoth foot of Pervzilla coming down on top of her.
Nehelenia: o.O; [erk!]
And with that, the threat of Nehelenia was neatly quashed.
Riot scratched his head in bewilderment as he watched Pervzilla give an earth-shaking bellow. "The most honourable lesbian sex pretzel-fu worked after all. A shame I'll never be able to learn that most useful technique."
Carnage's brain seemed to shut down as he watched Pervzilla stomp off, leaving behind a thoroughly flattened and stunned Nehelenia waving a white flag of surrender. "Uso," he said, lost in shock.
"Yes! Once again dumb luck saves the dummy!" Chaos proclaimed happily as he leapt to his feet.
He was instantly clobbered by a randomly falling Rick (booted out yet again from the Robotech universe) for no apparent reason.
Oblivious to the battle being waged below, Pervzilla continued to smash through Tokyo. Citizens were screaming in panic and fleeing as the immense Dojilord lumbered down the streets. His immense tentacles were twitching violently in the air, spraying ionized Cream Lemon in every direction. Anything the Cream Lemon touched instantly exploded.
The skies grew black as the night set.
Yet the city was alive in flames and general anarchy. Many of the people were frantically trying to get out from the path as Pervzilla carved a path of perverted destruction through the Shinjuku ward. He lifted his demonic head to the heavens and bellowed "HOTCHA!!!" before wiping out yet another second-rate love hotel.
In Pervzilla's wake was a growing procession of perverts, who were shouting and bowing to the Dojilord. Dedicated hentai characters were marching through the devastated and burning streets, chanting ominously.
Leading them was Kintaro, riding atop a palanquin and rubbing a set of ben-wa balls together. "He's here!" Kintaro boldly declared. "The great Hentenno is upon us! Cleanse your sukebe selves that you may be presented before him! This is the time of the Dojilords! The Hentenno has cum!"
From a safer distance, Red Queen Kasumi silently watched it all take place. "Such wantonly perverted mass destruction," she murmured with a scowl. "Is this what he's truly capable of?"
Red Queen Kasumi felt an abrupt tug on her leg. Unenthused, she looked down at a hapless citizen clinging tenaciously to her for help. "Tasukete!" he pleaded desperately.
Skimehime-chan snorted indignantly before kicking him off. "Kiss my buttplug."
Suddenly one of the tentacles was aimed her way. Red Queen Kasumi hastily leaped into the air as the ionized Cream Lemon sprayed all over the place she had last been standing. Deflecting her face from the creamy debris being strewn across the air, she wondered if there was any force that could possibly stop this overfiend.
And as the rampaging Pervzilla smashed inferior anime porn shops in the background, there suddenly appeared a handsome man with long blonde hair that flowed with the winds. The open edges of his shirt fluttered in the breeze, revealing his chiselled and muscular chest. With a grand and melodramatic gesture he raised a small bottle up for all to see.
Fabio: ^-^ "I can't believe it's not Gamera...Spray!"
Pervzilla: [eyebrow twitch] "......"
And so much for that cameo. Let's resume the perverted mass destruction!
Michael Flatley: "Wait I shall stop Pervzilla, because I am the Lord of the Dub! Watch me do my prettyboy Irish dance!"
David Hasselhoff: [with life preserver] "Well, guess it's my turn to save the day. Watch how cool I look when I run across the beaches of Tokyo, Ruri-chan!"
*STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP!!!!*
Back where the fanboys were, it seemed that Pervzilla's appearance had actually done some good after all. Pesti-chan was busy waving a hand in front of Nehelenia's face.
"Now then, how many fingers do you see?" he asked, holding up only one--that being his middle finger. With a dazed voice Nehelenia replied, "Pretty birdies...pretty birdies."
Pesti-chan turned back to the other survivors, who were slowly regrouping. He then scowled at seeing Makoto still nekkid. "Dammit, Pandemonium, the threat's over! Enough with the lesbian sex pretzel!"
"Well, that was rather easy," Chaos remarked with a smile.
Everyone slowly turned their heads and glared at him.
"Here," Sailor Mars said, tossing Pesti-chan the remote control of the gods. "That batteries are all in now. Just end this battle, please."
Pesti-chan nodded and fast-forwarded Nehelenia. Thusly this fic was able to completely bypass that touching scene in the anime where Usagi gave Nehelenia a chance to relive her childhood with innocence and with friends. Instead Nehelenia just got shrunk back into a kid with no recollection of what she'd done.
The Rat Bastard: ^-^ "And today's lesson is: just because it doesn't make sense doesn't mean it doesn't actually make sense."
Chaos: [sweatdrop!] "Say what?"
The Rat Bastard: [sigh!] "All your fansub are belong to us."
Chaos: o.O;; "They are?! KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Instantly all of the dark mirrors disappeared with a poof of smoke, sending a number of startled avatars and Senshi toppling onto the ground. And there were many sappy reunions.
Dark Mayhem and Ami decided to make the most of their second chance at life by nearly setting themselves on fire again with a kiss. Haruka and Michiru snuggled up together. Rei glomped onto Carnage, but he was still staring up in shock at the distant yet daunting form of Pervzilla. Usagi got her Mamoru back through some plot contrivance we're not going to even bother giving a half-assed explanation to. Pesti-chan was still pouting over Makoto's lesbian sex pretzel to save the world. And Hysteria dragged the bewildered Nehelenia-chan off to a kawaii little tea party.
Chaos though, still terrified that all his fansub were belong to us, raced around in a mad panic. But then Hotaru stuck out her foot and tripped him. "Thank you," she murmured gratefully, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.
Chaos sweatdropped. "For what?"
"I was still conscious inside that mirror," she answered with a quiet smile. "I watched you try to break me out. You care for me after all, Chaos." Yet their romantic moment was dashed to pieces by the loud, exasperated shout from Carnage: "Non-sequitur hentai like Pervzilla saves the day AGAIN?!"
Everyone turned to Carnage, whose left eyebrow was twitching fiercely. "Once again Havoc gets away with everything!" he ranted. "What the hell is that?!"
"I do think he's most dishonourably snapped," Riot remarked. "Like you wouldn't believe," Demolition agreed with a nod.
Ruckus giggled and began to drool. "Oooh, yeah! That'll make foreplay fun when I have to peel him out from the strait jacket!"
[Cue the facevaults!]
But Carnage had lost all his tact and restraint now in the face of Pervzilla having succeeded where a mobile suit & Dragu Slave had failed. "That means whatever *we* do doesn't matter!" he exclaimed. "It's all about the Perv, always about the Perv! Who cares that we're avatars--"
Rei glanced over at Pesti-chan. "Avatars?"
Pesti-chan nervously laughed and waved the question aside. "It's a fanboy thing. Trust me."
"--but if we're hentai, we can get away with whatever we want!" Carnage continued to berate.
Without warning he suddenly bounded over to Pandemonium and fondled her bosoms. "Hey, look at me!" he exclaimed. "I'm Havoc! I can grope the perky breasts of a complete stranger and not get hurt for--"
At that exact instant, Pandemonium gave an irate shriek and slapped him across the face with one of her tentacles. Carnage stumbled sideways, dazed but not about to stop.
"Now I'm stealing panties!" he proclaimed, flipping Michiru's fuku up and yanking her underwear down her legs. "But that doesn't matter because I'm Havoc and I can get away with--"
He was instantly clobbered by Haruka.
Yet Carnage persisted, albeit a lot more disoriented than before. "See?" he laughed maniacally. "I can take the worst hits ever, and I can be annoying, but it's okay since I'm--"
Pervzilla's foot: *STOMP!*
Everyone stared up in surprise at Pervzilla, who was glaring down at where he had squished Carnage.
"I think he heard you, Carnage," Dark Mayhem remarked, sweatdropping.
One of his eyebrows twitching, the Dojilord raised his foot. There left in the gaping footprint was the flattened form of Carnage.
Carnage: x.x "sploot...."
"Baka Akito," Rei sighed. "Looks like it's back to a whole bottle of Ritalin a day for you."
"So...how do we get rid of Pervzilla?" Chaos asked. Setsuna abruptly pushed past Riot and Demolition. "Leave this one to me. I've been waiting to do this for a loooong time."
With an evil grin on her face, Setsuna marched right up to Pervzilla, who stared waaaaaay down at the tiny Senshi defying its hentai superiority. "ORO?" it growled menacingly.
Setsuna smirked. She then grabbed hold of the collar of her sailor fuku and yanked the uniform off.
[Cue Red Queen Setsuna!!!]
Red Queen Setsuna: >) [whipping Pervzilla!] "WOH HO HO HO HOH OHO HO!!! Call me the Queen, Havoc! Call me the Queen!!"
Pervzilla: [frantic li'l perverted monster] "KYAAAAAAAAA!!! JO'O-SAMA JO'O-SAMA JO'O-SAMA JO'O-SAMA JO'O-SAMA!!!!"
Both Senshi and fanboy alike could only gawk at seeing Pervzilla get reduced to a super-deformed caricature, running around in a vain attempt to escape Red Queen Setsuna's whip.
So surprised were they that no one noticed Anarchy stepping out from the remains of the Eto Cafe Nam's karaoke bar. Anarchy yawned, revealing her kawaii li'l fangs and muttered something about the noise. She paused to watch the ensuing fracas as Red Queen Setsuna proceeded to whip the SD Pervzilla.
"Oh grow up," Anarchy sighed, snapping her fingers.
And once again establishing her infinite avatar powers, Anarchy caused the 2nd Cream Impact. The entire city proper was subjected to an uber-sploot that covered every last building and street. The night grew peacefully silent once more as all was well once again with the world.
Out from the torrents of whipped cream appeared numerous drenched Sailor Senshi and cursed fanboys. Everyone was annoyed, bedraggled and not exactly thrilled with this climactic ending to the fic. Slowly everyone sought out their significant other and paired off, the whole crowd walking home together.
Chaos tried to drape his arm over Hotaru's shoulder--and avoid the wrath of Haruka and Michiru at the same time. Dark Mayhem and Ami simply started to lick the cream lemon off each other. Pesti-chan piggybacked Makoto. Usagi happily walked off with her Mamo-chan...yippie. Rei piggybacked the still-squished Carnage, but had to wrestle him away from Ruckus every now and again.
Demolition sauntered out alongside Riot as the two compared dating-fu techniques. Setsuna returned a very Cream Lemon-soaked Yggdrasil jacket back to Minako. Minako demanded she be reimbursed for the dry cleaning bill. Havoc and Havoc-chan groggily woke up and wondered just how they had gotten into a sea of Cream Lemon. They then stripped poor Pan-chan in the hopes that her underwear might bring back their memories of being the Dojilord.
Chibi-Nehelenia suddenly came frantically wading through the whipped cream, trying to escape from Hysteria's kawaii little tea party-chan.
"Well," Pesti-chan sighed as they made their way back home. "I guess that was the fic."
Dark Mayhem nodded, giving Ami a kiss on the cheek. "Kinda makes you wonder what the omake theatre will bring, ne?"
"Just who is going to clean up this mess?" Michiru wondered. All the fanboys groaned upon hearing that.
"Guaranteed I know who's going to be paying for the clean-up though," Chaos grumbled. "But fortunately for me, my newest Chaosfic will be hitting the streets next week; the profits should cover the bill. I mean, who can go wrong with Gunsmith Pizza Cats?" At that everyone sighed, but no one really had the energy to smack Chaos. But they all rested assured that someone would sooner or later. Right now, everyone wanted nothing more than to clean themselves off and get some rest or relaxation in.
Yet who should suddenly leap out from the shadows but....
Usagi: o.O;; "Jadeite?!"
Demolition: --;; "Oh, not him."
"Yes, it's me," Jadeite snapped. "I've finally gotten loose from that crystal Beryl imprisoned me in since the first season." He then stuck out his middle finger at the assembled cast.
"And this former Earth general is ready to kick some ass! It wasn't easy getting thawed like a microwave dinner. It was downright humiliating. And look what it did to my Taisho!" Jadeite exclaimed, dropping his pants. Chaos scrambled to cover Hotaru's wide eyes.
Michiru sniffed disdainfully. "And that's why I stick with you, Haruka my love," she stated.
The others were either too tired to care, or held some vast amusement regarding the shrinkage that had occurred during Jadeite's deep freeze.
"I think his 'general' got seriously demoted," Dark Mayhem quipped with a snicker.
"Who cares?" Demolition groaned, removing one of his pauldrons and emptying out the whipped cream that had gotten lodged in it. "Can't someone just please shut him up?"
"You're the fantasy freak," Chaos said. "Why don't you blast him with a spell?" Demolition shook his head. "I'm too tired and creamy to care. Maybe I should just sic a demon on him."
"Might I recommend NinNin," Havoc-kun suggested. By this time, the whole group had walked right on past Jadeite. Furious, he launched into a tirade. "Hey, don't ignore me!" he shouted after them amidst his SD hissy fit. "I survived getting run over by a Boeing airliner, so you had better take my threats seriously."
"Maybe we should punt Hysteria his way," Minako muttered. Riot shook his head. "Hysteria is still busy using her chase-fu on Nehelenia."
"Well someone should make him stop ranting," Hotaru stated as she rested her head against Chaos' arm. "He's spoiling the mood."
"Didn't cop a feel off you once, Rei?" Ami remarked. At that exact moment, Jadeite and his Taisho were zorched by a Satellite Strike.
Rei smiled. "Arigato, Akito-kun. It's good to see you back with us again."
"Whatever," Carnage mumbled as he slowly regained consciousness. "I just need some Aspirin, a good strong dose of denial, and I'll be fine."