* * *
And so the fanboys kept walking through Tokyo.
Walking and walking...and walking.
And wading through the waist-deep Cream Lemon.
And still walking...and walking....
And walking more...and walking even more....
"What is this?" Pesti-chan remarked, looking around. "What we're doing now is completely pointless. Someone should have cued the end credits by now."
Chaos sniffled, "Don't tell me the author's off in his jacuzzi again."
"Hang on," Dark Mayhem stated. "This fic can't properly end unless we squeeze in one more pointless Utena joke."
[Cue the lesbian luge racing past the fanboys, with a nekkid Minako & Havoc-chan on it!]
Pesti: --;; "I still don't get that ending."
Chaos: ^-^ "Well, at least now we can end the--"
[Cue Desolation racing past the fanboys, getting chased by the oversized Utena castle on wheels!]
Desolation: o.O;; "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Fairy Godbabbit: [sitting on a castle turret] "Okay, Dios, I'd like to see your licence and registration right now!"
Hotaru: >.< "Eww. That's going to leave a mark."
Chaos: [eyebrow twitch!] "Poor Deso's arms are still stuck in the tire treads."
Dark Mayhem: [turning to the readers] "Two-for-one Utena gags, folks; you don't get a better deal than that!"
Yet before the ending can take place there is one final loose end in the story that has to be tied into a kinky knot.
Planet Hentai was still it's dark B&D self in the aftermath of Pervzilla. While most of the patrons had vacated it to attend the "Shumuyoh" procession with Kintaro, a number of Red Queen Kasumi's loyal acolytes stayed back. Chibiusa was sitting on the edge of a pool table, kicking her legs & idly running the length of the cue against her crotch in her own version of "9-Ball Dreams." Tuxedo Kekko Kamen was only too eager to help out.
Dr. Frank-N-Fertilizer was trying to get a Venus Thigh-trap plant off his ass (don't ask. PLEASE don't ask!), while Munhihausen and Tomo were taking turns spinning Akio on the wheel of pain. A rather horny Alielle was busy fretting over where Yoiko had disappeared to, and Ginpachi still hadn't come down from orbit yet.
"Ne, Kasumi Jo'o-sama's really taking a long time," the incestuous Yam remarked. She paused and smacked TKK's head. "Ow! I said tweak counter-clockwise!"
Akio shrugged as his wrists were shackled firmly to the Wheel of Erotic Pain. "Maybe she's breaking in a new girl down in one of the dungeons. I hear she's been eager to acquire Bondage Queen Kate or Rei-Lan."
Suddenly the front doors of Planet Hentai buckled, something very large and powerful smashing into them from the outside. Tomo and Munhihausen looked up from Akio, their eyes wide in surprise. Tuxedo Kekko Kamen got his face out from between Chibiusa's thighs (and there was MUCH rejoicing!!), and Alielle stopped wistfully fidgeting with her strap-on.
Another loud crash caused the front doors to shudder violently, nearly torn from their hinges. Everyone grew deathly silent as the ramming continued, until suddenly one of the door panels was smashed apart.
Streams of Dragon Pink light pouring into the club, reflected off the Sword of Dildos sticking through the hole. Havoc-kun's head suddenly popped up alongside the sword.
Havoc: >) "Heeeeeeeere's Hentenno!"
Before any of Red Queen Kasumi's gang could snap out of the shock that had overtaken them, the front doors were kicked down. With a loud "thud!" they crashed onto the floor, revealing Havoc-kun standing at the threshold of his lemon-enriched domain. Behind and beside him proudly stood the reassembled ranks of the Benkyo Brigade, reunited again in comradery and perverted tastes.
Raising the Sword of Dildos high over his head, the Royal Thong girding his face, Havoc boldly proclaimed, "I am the Lemon King! I can strip anything!"
The throngs of perverts behind him let out a loud cheer as they all took back Planet Hentai. Skimehime-chan's crew were unceremoniously cataperved from the premises--with the exception of Alielle. She shyly stepped forward, noticing how she alone had been spared.
"A-Ano...Hentenno-sama?" she said timidly, gazing up at Havoc-chan as she was carried in upon her omnilingus palanquin. Much to Alielle's surprise, she saw Yoiko-chan sitting on the omnilingus as well.
Yoiko seemed very pleased with herself, happily nuzzling the bosoms of her beloved (though slightly dismayed and catatonic) Red Queen Kasumi.
Red Queen Kasumi: @.@ "Oh dear...."
Yoiko: ^-^ "It's so good to have you back, Kasumi-sama!"
"Alielle," Havoc-kun stated. "Yoiko has served me well, and because of her request I did not eject you like those other freaks of nature. Not to mention I need to get you into the Royal Thong too. After that, you and your mistresses are free to leave."
He paused as a loud clatter of noise echoed from behind him. Everyone turned to see Havoc-chan having leapt off the omnilingus, burying herself in the large pile of Havocfics that were being set out on the floor.
"Havocfics," she purred, frolicking amidst a large pile of manuscripts. "Gloriously perverted Havocfics! Dirty Pair Honey Flash. Sukeban Doji. Twin Angels of Darkness! Oh, how I have missed you!"
Seeing this made Havoc-kun smile. "Ah, I can already feel the power of my Mojo'o-sama flowing through me. And now to cleanse me of my past sins. Behold my new Havocfic!" he proclaimed, raising a hefty script into the air. "XXX/1999: their cumming was foreordained!!"
The crowds of perverts immediately bowed before him.
"And to mark the return of the Hentenno," Havoc-chan added loudly. "Tomorrow we shall be starting up a new chain of video stores: Blockbustier Video!"
And there was much rejoicing.
Even better, there was much fanservice as all the girls began to strip down to their underwear. The Variable Geo waitresses were already retaking the floor with their big-breasted, rollerskating antics. The Jello and whipped cream was returned to its rightful pit. Somewhere amidst the celebration, Yoiko quietly slipped out with the defeated Red Queen Kasumi in her arms...and Alielle glomped onto her back.
Looking back, Yoiko caught sight of Havoc-kun saluting her.
With her own pleased smile, she waved back.
Three seconds later Yoiko realized her panties were gone, and now in Havoc-kun's hands.
Havoc-chan: ^-^ [groping Fujiko's bosoms] "Oooh, Fujiko-yama!"
Fujiko: "I've still got another ten minutes before I double-cross Lupin. And I can pick the lock to one of the nyotaimori rooms."
Havoc-chan: o.O; "I'll get the whipped cream."
"Ah, it's good to be back," Havoc-kun sighed as he sat down at the Benkyo Brigade's usual booth. "And amongst good perverted friends too! I have the Royal Thong back, I'm the undisputed uberperv once more, and it's all worked just as the Mardyke Report said. But I can't help but think I'm forgetting about something."
Jyako Amano stuck his chin out at someone approaching their table. "Hey, Havoc, look who's come crawling back."
"The prodigal perv returns, ne?" Minni-May remarked.
Indeed, Charon was awkwardly standing before the members of the reunited Benkyo Brigade. "Um...look, about that whole defection thing--"
But Havoc kept his back to Charon. "You have lost your way, Charon," he stated. "You gave in to the dark side of the perv, and forsook all that I had taught you.
"But I was under the influence of the Moxibustier curse," Charon protested, still trying to defend his innocence. "If you couldn't even shake off its influence without the Yggdrasil jacket, then how can you expect me to have not been affected?"
Havoc shook his head. "I'm sorry, Charon, but you still lost focus of the brashido. You will have to retrain yourself in the art of waremi."
"So, I'm still your Ecchi-chan?" Charon ventured optimistically.
"Not quite," Havoc countered, now turning around to stare Charon in the eye. "You are but a grasshappo now. We must retrain you from the beginning...which means you're now the understudy of Ataru Moroboshi and NinNin."
Charon's jaw hit the table. "NA NI?" he demanded.
Havoc: "It's either this or the Yaoi Door."
Charon: ^-^ [putting his arms around NinNin & Ataru's shoulders] "Lead on, boys!"
"So who's your Ecchi-chan now, if it's not Charon?" Jyako Amano asked.
"Funny you should ask," Havoc remarked. "Here he comes now."
The entire Benkyo Brigade went dead silent as the front doors were thrown open, dragon pink light from the neon bra outside shining down upon Havoc's new Ecchi-chan.
A tall and impossibly ethereal blond man marched silently through the aisles of Planet Hentai, the crisp black fabric of his tunic and ceremonial cloak rustling with each calculated movement he made.
"Hentenno," the infamous Imperial Admiral said in a chillingly calm voice as he bowed slightly to Havoc. "My fleets and I are at your perverted service."
"V-Von Lohengramm?" Minni-May stammered, unable to conceal her surprise.
"Reinhardt Von Lohengramm?" Happosai said, scratching his bald head in confusion. "The impossibly bishie emperor from Legend of the Galactic Heroes?"
Havoc nodded. "You wouldn't think it possible to look at him, but he makes for quite the impressive pervert. He's even changed his name now to Stay-Hardt Von Lohengrope. And his technique for panty-snatching is nothing short of inspiring. Observe!"
Von Lohengrope: [turning to Pirate Janice] "Give me your panties."
Janice: [hmph!] "Why should I?"
Von Lohengrope: "Before you carelessly and fatally dismiss, might I direct your attention to the skylight above us."
[Cue the fleet of 30,000 space ships poised overhead to deliver a lethal air strike!]
Janice: o.O;; "H-Hai."
Von Lohengrope: [taking her panties] "That wasn't so hard now, was it?"
Havoc: ^^v "Sugoi, ne? I encourage every hentai to find their own perving style."
Benkyo Brigade: [eyebrow twitch!] "......"
Meanwhile, Havoc-chan was happily bounding along towards the nyotaimori rooms. But just before she went down the hall, she heard a tiny voice calling out to her, one barely audible amidst all the other patrons talking and dancing around the club.
Curious, Havoc-chan ventured over to one of the tables. There she found a rather tiny Cyberdoll Robot decked out in a maid's uniform. "Ano," Handmaid May stammered. "I was hoping to join the Benkyo Brigade's ladies-in-waiting. I really look up to Ai Name; she's my hero."
Havoc-chan didn't seem all that impressed by her. "And just what do you have that the Hentenno could possibly want?"
The palm-sized Handmaid May bent over and whispered into Havoc-chan's ear.
Her eyes immediately widened. "Masaka!" Havoc-chan said in a hushed whisper. "That would generate 40kg of pressure per square centimeter!" She stood tall and gestured grandly. "From now on, you shall be subbed Handjob May! Welcome to the Planet Hentai!"
Scooping up Handjob May in her palm, Havoc-chan eagerly raced off to test the Cyberdoll on Fujiko.
Not even paying attention to where his counterpart was, Havoc-kun was still busy with his own festivities. Currently he was facing off against the giant bosom unleashed in the Valentinefic. The rampaging breast was currently corralled into half the dance floor, its areolas red and irritated from being contained like this.
Calmly Havoc-kun let the blindfold be tied over his eyes, as the Benkyo Brigade led the chant of "Jug! Jug! Jug! Jug!"
But the festivities were unexpectedly cut short as an enormous churning wormhole opened up on the dance floor. Havoc-kun tore the blindfold off his face as he felt a warm draft blow past him.
"Masaka!" he exclaimed joyously. "The Lost Dojiverse; it's come back to me!"
And who should step out from the other side of the Dojiverse but a very tanned Desolation, clad in a hawaiian shirt and with a hula wreath around his neck. "Now that was a trip!" Desolation sighed happily, and then offered a drink to Havoc. "Nina Colata?"
Fairy Godbabbit: [with sunglasses] "I prefer the strawberry daquirei myself."
Havoc: o.O; "YOU lost my Dojiverse?"
Desolation: "Actually, we renamed it the Lost Wuniverse now. Ah, it was great: scantily-clad bikini babes as far as the eye could see! Rule 3 everywhere! Have you tried the margaritas there?"
Havoc: [annoyed] "Go to the Yaoi Door, Deso!"
Desolation: "Not a chance. That is one place even my appointment book won't schedule me to visit."
Suddenly NinNin glomped onto Havoc's leg, surprising both Havoc and Desolation. "Good to see you back, Hentenno!" the midget ninja freak chirped happily. "And I've got this great idea for a new fic you can write: Boys Bi!"
Desolation instantly punted NinNin straight through the Yaoi Door.
Havoc: [dusting himself off] "Thank you."
Desolation: "My pleasure, believe me."
Havoc grinned as he strolled through the Planet Hentai. "I feel like a night on the town," he announced. "This jubilous party is something that should be shared with everyone. The Hentenno has returned!"
The Music Man song "76 Trombones" started up as Havoc grabbed his phallic 'master of ceremony' cane. With a grand flourish he stepped over the fallen doors of Planet Hentai, letting loose a swarm of balloons, streamers, confetti and panties onto the Cream Lemon-covered streets of Tokyo.
"Oh how could any anime ever hope to compete with the fanservice of a yuri-filled lemon?" Havoc said, leaping down the front steps of his club, now dressed in a DOJI BOY tuxedo. He doffed his tophat (which had the Royal Thong strapped atop it) and adeptly swung his cane around. "Remember what a couple of hentai's did to those old prudes on the ratings board; the censors just came a tumblin' down!"
The Pervmobile, back from the repair shop, suddenly pulled up in front of him. The entire Benkyo Brigade was already waiting for him inside, cheering and letting loose with party poppers. Overhead a bosom-like zeppelin that could have only been the Hindenboob swooped down. The hangar doors at the bottom opened up, letting a deluge of panties rain down and decorate the city. Perverts were laughing and frolicking in the streets, having wars with whipped cream snowballs. Even more were running around grabbing as many falling panties as they could.
"It's time to celebrate the joy of hentai!" Havoc proclaimed, leaping atop the hood of the Pervmobile as it roared down the street. "Tokyo needs a perv parade, and we need it now!"
"For the glory of the uberperv!" cheered the jubilant hentai masses, marching in behind the Pervmobile.
And they all sang, sang, sang!
76 hentai's led the perv parade
with 110 ecchi's close at hand
they were followed by rows and rows
of the finest sukebeoso's
the cream of every girl's demand!
76 hentai's caught the morning sun
while 110 ecchi's marched behind
there were more than a thousand gropes
and kinky-knotted ropes
there were bras of every shape and kind
There were t-bakku bottomed anime babes for plundering
jiggling jiggling all along the way
following my Pan-chan and her big bazooms
each bazoom, having it's big fat say!
There were 50 mounted perverts and their tentacles
violating violating, harder than before
and in the rear was every kind of horny twerp and twisted mind
all scampering and desperate to score!
[And watching the procession from the sidelines in a local cafe, Riot sweatdrops as he spies Pandemonium...who is prancing through the parade with wild abandon.]
Riot: ^^;; "Ano...Pandemonium, you do realize you're participating in not-so-honourable hentai parade-fu, ne?"
Pandemonium: O.o;; [erk!] "Er--alright, move it along, nothing to see here, people!"
Ruckus: [smirk-fu!] "You're prancing again, Pan-chan...."
Pandemonium: >.< "DAMN YOU AND YOUR L33T HENTAI PROGRAMMING SKILLS, OTOKA-SAN!!!"
[Cue the legions of parading hentai's singing the chorus as Havoc-kun and Havoc-chan lead them through Shinjuku! Let there be another gloriously climactic, lemon-filled verse!]
76 hentai's pounced on pretty gals,
while 110 ecchi's perved away
there were many moans of joy, from every girl and boy
while Havoc-chan had kai-awase!
[End, and about time too!]
Much rejoicing goes out to:
Havoc, who was a master conspirator alongside me throughout the entire plotting of F9! Leave it up to him to come up with the Perv Parade spoof.
Carnage, who created the Emergency Baka Removal system.
Jelynne of the Fanboys! Auxiliary, who gave unwittingly gave us the concept of what can be found within Terminal Dojima.
Chaosfic of the Week: Gundam Zero Wing (All your OZ base are belong to us)
[Cue the obligatory epilogue bit!]
Havoc-kun sighed leisurely as he leaned back in his deck chair. The shade from the patio umbrella overhead nicely blocked out the heat of the noonday sun. Today all of his DOJI BOY brand apparel was being cleaned, so he'd just opted for a pair of Lemon Strauss jeans and a Tshirt with the Hentopia monogram on the right breast.
"Ah, now this is the fanserviced life," he remarked, stretching out his arms. "Shimatta, it's been so long since I used Kacchu Tenshin Amapantiken that my arms are sore from all the panty-swiping in the parade."
He took a sip from his bottle of Creamy Ale, enjoying the feel of the autumn wind. "How are you doing today?" he asked his companion.
Seated on the other side of the table, dressed in casual clothes, Setsuna shrugged her shoulders. "As good as it can get, I suppose." She paused and took a drink from her glass of Kimagure Orange Soda. "Somehow the knot in time you guys created with Nehelenia untied itself. I guess until the next major threat to the Earth comes along, I've got some spare time to relax."
Havoc nodded. "So what are you going to do until then?"
"Well I was thinking about taking a Mediterranean cruise ," she replied. "Soak up some rays on the beaches, sample the local cuisine, make sure no one's found Atlantis yet."
"Sounds interesting," Havoc said. "You deserve a vacation, Setsuna. How about I pay for your cruise?"
Setsuna stared at Havoc in surprise, her cheeks growing flushed with embarrassment. "Um, it's not like I don't have the money," she said quickly.
But Havoc waved her protests aside. "Nah! This is my way of thanking you for the Yggdrasil jacket."
"Well, it's not like I really had a choice," Setsuna replied, taking another sip from her soda. "After all, it was predicted in the Mardyke report. But did you have to trash half the city while purging Tokyo of its more inferior red light districts?"
Havoc laughed nervously. "Well, when you're an enormous Dojilord like Pervzilla, you can't exactly watch where you step...or spurt."
Conceding to that, Setsuna nodded and looked out to the streets. Snowplows were still frantically working around the clock to clean the city up. The major shopping areas and roads had already been cleared, but that still left lots of Tokyo having to contend with shoulder-high drifts of whipped cream.
"So you're really sure you've recovered from that curse?" she asked.
Havoc gave her the V-sign. "Definitely. I'm cured. No need for therapy even...unless the psychiatrist is a cute and nubile babe."
"I had better check this for myself," Setsuna stated. "I don't think the city budget can afford another Pervzilla incident. And I don't want the headache of trying to keep the timestream aligned when you and the other fanboys are botching on the continuity again."
Setsuna reached into her purse and pulled out some ink blot cards. She held the first one out in front of Havoc. "Tell me what you see."
Havoc leaned forward and studied the abstract blotch of black on the card. "Two girls having Rule 3 on a waterbed," he replied after a moment of consideration.
At the risk of stating the obvious, Setsuna sweatdropped. "Okaaaaaay. How about this one?" she asked, switching the cards.
"Kai awase," Havoc said without a second of hesitation. "Tiara and Misato."
"Tiara from Shamanic Princess?" Setsuna exclaimed incredulously, taking a look at the card for herself. "Where do you see her?"
Havoc shrugged. "Could be Shampoo."
Shaking her head, Setsuna dared to try one more card. "Okay Havoc, one more time: what do you see?"
A broad smile appeared on Havoc's face. "Aw, kawaii! A cute little catgirl!"
Setsuna let out a sigh of relief, her lips turning into a thin smile.
But then Havoc pointed at the ink blot and added, "Using a two-way dildo on Miyuki-chan...and Naga's fondling her bosoms."
Now completely exasperated, Setsuna turned the card around and studied it for herself. "Havoc, that's impossible! They're just random puddles of ink. Where do you see that sort of perverted scene?"
With a knowing smile, Havoc calmly leaned forward and turned the card in Setsuna's hands upside-down. Setsuna's magenta eyes widened. "I'll be damned!" she said in amazement, looking up at Havoc. "I'd say you're back to your old perverted self."
"Wait'll you see my next Havocfic," Havoc told her proudly. "The Story of Big O!"
Setsuna groaned. "I do NOT want to know what R. Dorothy Wayneright gets taught in that fic, okay?
"Oh, I almost forgot," she added. "You still owe me something."
One of Havoc's eyebrows went up. "Oro?"
Setsuna then held up her big-assed Timekey, which was still covered with bits of Mokonamallow. "You did this, you clean it off."
Havoc nodded. "No problem. Charon, you know what to do!"
Charon: [sigh!] "Haaaaiiii...I'll get the Boric acid."
"Now then, how about an ecchi glomp, for old time's sake?" Havoc remarked, his Chichiri grin broadening.
Setsuna laughed and pointedly shook head. "No way. Things are back to abnormal now, which means I am letting you nowhere near my underwear."
"Wha?" Setsuna groaned as she felt a cool draft blow up her skirt. "Oh, for the love of Naoko!"
Havoc grinned as he twirled Setsuna's panties around his index finger. "It's good to be the Hentenno again."
Yet before Setsuna could punt him, Havoc presented her with a 'Good For One Free Glomp' card.
Havoc: ^-^ "I'm entittled--er, entitled to it."
Setsuna: --;; "I knew I shouldn't have given out those promotional cards between fics."
Havoc: [boing!] "Hotcha!"
On to the Omake!
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