The curse of the Fanboys continues.
Be afraid. Be VERY afraid....

Chaos: "Hail! Hail!"
Mayhem: "The gang's all here!"
Chaos: "Hush, Newt-boy!"
Pesti: "Welcome once again! I guess that this means our audience is indeed demented enough if they've stayed with us for the other two fanfics and the special!"
Havoc: "I'm just impressed that Beans hasn't tried to destroy us yet with some Akira-like psychic force. You know how well she and Chaos have been getting along!"
Mayhem: "Havoc, if you please; Chaos is still trying to get over the duct tape incident."
Chaos: "KYAAAAA!!! NO MORE DUCT TAPE!!!"
Pesti: "Yare yare, he's having another flashback. And now, onto our feature fanfic presentation! Havoc, scroll fanfic!"
Havoc: "Scrolling!"
[Cue the title!]

BIG BREASTED ANIME BABES GO TO THE BEACH
(And Take their Tops Off!!)
Mayhem: "I don't recall seeing this part in the editing stages."
Pesti: "What the hell?"
Chaos: "This isn't Curse of the Fanboys 3, Havoc!"
Havoc: "I know, but wouldn't everyone rather be checking this fanfic out?"
Chaos: "They came here to read about us, not about a bunch of famous Anime babes going topless!"
Mayhem: "I wonder if Ami-chan's at that beach?"
Chaos: "Mayhem!!"
Mayhem: "It was just a question!"
Havoc: "And don't forget that our secret word of the fanfic is the word 'The'. Once again, our secret word of the day is: 'The'. Sometime in the middle of this fanfic we'll be randomly calling someone in our audience, and if they answer correctly they will win some great prizes."
Chaos: "Like Rampage for instance!"
Rampage: "CHU CHU!"
Havoc: "You really want her out of the fanfics, don't you?"
Mayhem: "Secret word of the day?"
Pesti: "'THE'?!"
Mayhem: "What's the prize?"
Chaos: "An all-expense-paid-for fanfic adventure with the Anime babe of your choice!"
Havoc: "Alright! La Blue Girl, here I come!"
Mayhem: "Oh shit. We're going to be getting some nasty flames if Havoc wins that one!"
Pesti: "Chaos, Rampage's drooling all over the laptop again."
Havoc: "Bad mascot! Naughty, naughty Super-deformed Godzilla thingy!"
Chaos: "That's it! I'm sending you back to Beans' fanfics permanently!"
Pesti: "Frankly I don't think you should believe anything in this introduction. We had better get to the fanfic."
[Cue the opening title!]

F3: FRANTIC, FRUSTRATED, AND FANBOYS!!!!


Part I: No Need For Fanboys...or fanservice

It was the best of fanfics, it was the worst of fanfics. It was a fanfic of laughter, it was a fanfic of mourning. It was a fanfic of depth, it was a fanfic of--
Pesti: "Boring!"
Mayhem: "What is this? Fanboy Culture Club?"
Havoc: "Ah, culture! We could study panties of the world!"
Chaos: "What the? Okay, who let Havoc back into our fanfics?!"
Havoc: "Your mascot ate through the door, so I let myself in."
Rampage: [happily ^_^] "CHU CHU!"
Chaos: "I detest you."
Yes, you know that with that witty rhetoric it can mean only one thing: this next fanfic is cursed. Curse of the Fanboys!!!, that is. So far we've survived Spoon-chan, a possessed mascot replacement, Beans ('nuff said), and Clamp's Wonderland. But nothing in those previous ones could prepare you for what is to come.
It's an installment so chilling, so demented, so thoroughly warped that even Oscar (aka Artemis' Lover) would be thinking "what the hell?!".
Chaos: "That's pushing it a little too far, don't you think?"
Mayhem: "Understatement, Chaos. Understatement."
But let's not get ahead of the plot! Our story begins in Tokyo city...well where else did you think it would be?
As Nadesico's Ruri-chan would say: "Baka baka."
Anyhoo, it was a nice, leisurely Friday afternoon that saw the end of a school day. And so his lordship Chaos decided to enjoy the sunshine doing one of his favorite pasttimes: smiting. And what better way to practice than with someone else?
So Lord Chaos was out in the park near to Rei's Fire River Temple with his underlord-in-training Pesti-chan. "Use the smite, Pesti-chan," he said.
"Only if you shut up with the Obi-wan Kenobi voice," Pesti-chan retorted.
"Aw! But it's such a cool voice!" Chaos whined. He tried to become like a tree as an oversized head of Pesti-chan towered over him.
"DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE?!?!?!"
Chaos promptly grabbed his sweatdrop and smacked Pesti-chan down to size. "Yare yare, I'll stop. But you need to practice on your smite training if you want to be a lord of Mass Destruction like Mayhem and myself."
"What about Havoc?"
Chaos went all bug-eyed again.
"Um, Chaos?" Pesti-chan asked, waving a hand in front of his frozen overlord's face. "I was only kidding, Chaos...Chaos? Moshi moshi?...Oh, for the love of--Hey look! It's Mako-chan in a wet T-shirt!"
A SD Chaos immediately perked up, bounding around the park like an excited Ryuzaki Umi. "Mako-chan?! Where?"
Pesti-chan smiled. "Too easy."
And with that he snapped his fingers and summoned his smiting technique. Chaos was suddenly hammered by an object that fell from the sky for no apparent reason. Getting over his brief stint as a periwinkle flower, he located the object of smiting.
"A...cabbage?!" he exclaimed.
Pesti-chan beamed with pride, holding the cabbage on a fork. Chaos glanced down at Pesti-chan, and then snatched the cabbage off Pesti-chan's fork. "Give me thaaaaat!" He smacked Pesti-chan upside the back of the head with the cabbage. "I see we're going to need a little more practice time on your smiting, Pesti-chan."
"That hurt!" Pesti-chan exclaimed, rubbing the oversized bump on the back his head. "Why do these Anime bruises have to swell up so much! It's ruining my hair!"
Chaos rolled his eyes. "You're almost as vain as Hotohori, Pesti-chan. But just because you appear younger than I doesn't mean you'll win Mako-chan's heart. She's my girlfriend."
Pesti-chan stuck out his tongue. "And I suppose you've kissed her too?"
Chaos' eyebrow twitched as he cleaned the spray off his face. "That wasn't even the Mako-chan of this dimension. And I at least know what her breasts feel like!"
"Hentai!" Pesti-chan exclaimed, dragging out the pan dimensional Anime mallet.
Chaos countered with Rampage, who promptly ate Pesti-chan's mallet. Pesti-chan glanced down at the smiling mascot, unimpressed. "That's cheating."
Rampage smiled. "CHU CHU!"
"Do you, an underlord in training, believe you will defeat me and gain the right to date Mako-chan?" Chaos laughed. "Ha! You and what army?"
Sceonds later his lordship Chaos was buried in a pile of cabbages that for no apparent reason fell from the sky. Pesti-chan was unable to wipe the devilish grin off his face for a long while afterwards.
"Not bad," Chaos remarked. "But smiting needs to be creative and dramatic. Granted falling cabbages are interesting, but you want to catch people's attention. Now take that the young man over there."
"Which one?" Pesti-chan asked.
Chaos pointed to a young man walking with a young, Chinese girl just across the lake. "The guy with the mark of the sacred 'Wu' on his forehead. Now once you becoming a master of smiting all you have to do is concentrate, and--!"
Suddenly a dairy cow fell from the sky, landing on the poor guy ("Moo?"). The stunned cow blinked and then sauntered away, leaving the victim still buried in the grass.
"Waaah!" the girl exclaimed. "Yakumo! Say something to Pai!"
"Doesn't that hurt?" Pesti-chan asked.
Chaos shrugged. "Something tells me he'll live. Come on, Pesti-chan. We've trained enough for today. Back to the apartment!"

* * *

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