A few hours and another round of senseless whining and blubbering displays made by Chaos later found Choas passed out on the couch, Mayhem out for a walk, and Pesti-chan starting to chant the Gekiganger 3 theme song as he watched Nadesico.
Suddenly Mayhem burst through the door, panting and out of breath. "Wake up, you guys! We've got some major shit happening and...Chaos, what the hell are you doing up there?"
Clinging to the ceiling like a cat, a wide-eyed and terrified Chaos rediscovered the law of gravity and came crashing back down onto the floor.
"He'll be fine," Pesti-chan said. "What's wrong?"
Mayhem shot a look at Chaos. "Because you gave him our remote control of the gods, Havoc went and stole the cursed panties of Torajima from Dragon Pink! I saw Havoc reappear at Rei-chan's temple about a half hour ago, and he had the cursed panties in his hands!"
"Calm down a little, Mayhem," Pesti-chan said. "Havoc might just keep them to himself like all the other ladies' underwear he's stolen. Now is not the time to panic."
"I heard him ask the grandfather where Rei and the others were staying," Mayhem stated. "Havoc wants to use the panties on one of the Senshi and turn them into a cat slave!!"
[Fanboy's Note: yes, be afraid. Be very VERY afraid.]
"Can we start panicking now?" Pesti-chan inquired of Chaos.
Chaos nodded. "Now would be a good time to start, Pesti-chan."
And then a SD Chaos frantically began to scream and wave his arms around as he bounced around the living room. Pesti-chan carefully watched his lordship Chaos bounce around, estimated the trajectory and then clobbered him with the pan dimensional mallet.
"Your ranting is not improving the situation," he stated to the smoldering remains of Chaos.
Mayhem raced into his bedroom, re-emerging with a battle-ready hardsuit. "We have to stop him before he puts them on my Ami-chan!"
"Your Ami-chan!" Chaos exclaimed, seizing Mayhem's shirt collar and slapping him silly with a herring. "What about my Mako-chan?!"
"I thought you were dead," Pesti-chan remarked to Chaos.
"Ha ha!" Chaos laughed. "I just got my second wind! This time Havoc has gone too far. We have to stop him before he turns one of our favourite magical girls into a cat slave!!"
"And," Mayhem countered. "just how exactly are you going to infiltrate an all girls exclusive hotspring?"
With a dark, crazed grin Chaos turned to Pesti-chan. "Ne, Pesti-chan, how's your Eva synch ratio doing?"
[Cue the Mission Impossible the music!]
9:35pm, Tokyo time.
A ladies' hotspring someplace out in the countryside. It wasn't a bad place; two floors of a nice inn with excellent quality and located in a very serene place where nothing ever happened. Needless to say that won't stay for very long in this fanfic.
"There it is," Chaos said, looking at the inn through his binoculars. "We really should have parked the Eva closer to the hotspring resort."
Mayhem shook his head and flipped over the binoculars. "Look at it from this end, you moron."
Chaos smiled. "Oooooh!" he remarked. "I never knew Ami-chan had a tattoo of a rose on her left breast!"
"What?!" Mayhem exclaimed, snatching away the binoculars. "Lemme see!!"
Chaos snickered. "Fooled you!"
"Cute joke," Mayhem said a few moments later, dusting off his hands as Chaos now became one with the nearby trees. "So very kawaii, Chaos."
"You realize," Pesti-chan said, glancing around the dark hillside. "that sooner or later Nerv's going to wonder where I took Eva 01 to during that training exercise."
Mayhem shrugged. "You've still got five minutes of back-up left on Chi-goki."
"But we need to find a way to get in and stay near our girls without them realizing who we are," Pesti-chan said. "Havoc is a master of the art, and I think we stand out rather well as guys in an all girls hotspring resort.
Chaos grinned. "No problem, Pesti-chan. It's about time all this Sailor Haley humiliation turns around for me. All I have to do is change out from my battle fuku and into one of their uniforms!"
"Good idea," Mayhem said. "I can turn into a newt and try the more subtle approach. They'll never know I'm there."
"What about me?" Pesti-chan asked.
"You wait here," Chaos said. "You can't do anything since you're still a guy no matter what happens to you."
"Can't I just use Zoantrophy and smite Havoc?"
"No!" Mayhem and Chaos chorused.
Pesti-chan crossed his arms over his chest, sulking. "You just want to see Mako-chan in the nude, don't you. Bad enough you've coped how many feels on her as of to date?"
Chaos grinned. "Think of this as a perk of being a lord of Mass Destruction." He turned to Mayhem, who was bring out a pitcher of cold water. "Just remember," Chaos said to Mayhem. "Whatever you do, don't get hit with hot water."
"And here I was going to do laps in the hotspring," Mayhem wryly retorted.
He doused himself and became a newt once again. Chaos did a quick transformation and changed out of his fuku. "Where the hell are the damned zippers on these things? It's like being in that sleeping bag all over again!"
Pesti-chan rolled his eyes. "Somewhere out there, Go Nagai is laughing insanely at us."
Getting into the resort was easy for Chaos, who posed as a visiting girl. After debating on whether or not to lob Mayhem the newt into the inn (Mayhem opting for a 'no lob' vote), Chaos let Mayhem hitch a ride in.
Somewhere out in the distance Pesti-chan was monitoring their movements via some of the instruments he had at the disposal of his Eva. He also discovered that the Eva could not only fight against Angels, but also make popcorn too. Now that's advanced technology!
Chaos slid open the shoji screen, glancing around his room. "Okay, now we begin searching." He let the newt down into the hall floor. "Try not to get stepped on, Mayhem."
The next fifteen minutes were full of rather useless plot exposition we won't go into right about now. However if you have the demented imagination I'm sure you can create many wonderful nekkid flash scenes of various the Anime babes you've seen in recent times.
Chaos carefully walked around the resort, now dressed in a nice kimono. He paused as he saw a strange yet very cute doll doing some sort of sumo exercises.
"Hey," he remarked. "That looks just like Akane Tendo!"
"Gomen nasai," came an older woman's voice from the hallway. "But would the owner of an Eva model 01 test type please come to parking lot. You left your lights on."
Chaos shook his head. "Aya."
He continued searching the resort, freezing in shock only when he came...er, chest to chest with a rather stunning beauty with long, dark hair done up in a pony-tail and a small mole under her left eye.
"Komban wa!" the girl said cheerfully, slapping him on the back and subsequently catapulting him through a screen because of her super strength.
"Hi...Nuriko," he replied, picking himself up from the broken pieces of shoji. His eyes bugged out. "Nuriko?!"
Seconds later he went all SD nice and the cute like when he found himself staring at Project Ako's Mary, now sporting a trendy new string bikini.
And with one look at those shining teeth, those cute pigtails and that Arnold Schwarzeneggerian body, we almost lost one of our fanboys.
[Fanboy's Note: you can all stop cheering now, people.]
Chaos slowly backed away from Mary. "Um...I'll be...I'm going...I, um, uh...yo! I...I'll just be outside."
And with that Chaos launched himself through yet another shoji panel. "I could be enjoying this little romp around fanboy heaven," he muttered darkly. "But no! I have to be chasing down the Hentai-sama and stop him from using the cursed panties. Curse you, Havoc!"
He spotted the Jusenkyo newt. Mayhem inquizzitively stared up at him and held up a little wooden sign that read: "Any sign of Ami-chan?"
"I haven't found them yet," he whispered to Mayhem, picking the newt up and setting it on his shoulder. "I think they might be in the hotspring."
He sighed, sliding open yet another shoji screen. "It'll be a wonder if we can ever find them before Havoc not only uses those cursed panties but also ravages the rest of underwear in the building."
[Warning! Warning! Hot nekkid flashes!]
Chaos' eyes bugged out incredibly as his entire face turned hither unto new shades of bright red. "Holy Plastic Little!" he gasped.
The newt, now just a tiny green thing with kermit the frog-like eyeballs, nodded in agreement. For there in front of them were the changerooms leading into the hotsprings, and in that room were all the Inner Senshi. Some were clad in kimonos. Others were not so fully clad.
"Oh, komban wa," Ami-chan said, changing out of her own kimono to reveal nothing beneath but a smooth, supple figure.
Chaos glanced over his--er, her...er, whatever!--shoulder as this little geyser of a nosebleed erupted and a Jusenkyo newt with wild eyes and a stupid grin on its face fell to the floor.
[Hey! Don't say we didn't warn you!!]
Mako-chan gave him a curious appraisal, and Chaos tried to keep her from seeing his face. "If she recognizes me as female Haley, I'm royally screwed," he muttered through his teeth.
But then Makoto shrugged and dismissed the idea.
Chaos slipped out of his kimono, picking up Mayhem and slapping the newt silly. "Yo, Mayhem wake up!"
Mayhem smacked him upside the back of the head with a sign reading: "Enough already!!"
"Stay here," Chaos whispered to the newt.
Mayhem held up another sign: "In your dreams, Starlight wanna-be!"
"Look," Chaos hissed, quickly disposing of the sign. "You get anywhere near that hot water and you can explain how you suddenly ended up in the middle of an all female hotsrpings resort!"
A grumbling newt stomped off to sulk inside the changeroom. Chaos turned back and went all super deformed, sprouting cat ears, cat tail and Bambi eyes. For there in front of him, Makoto was removing her kimono!
He took a deep breath, calming his nerves.
"Easy now," he whispered to himself. "You're here to find Havoc and stop him from using those cursed panties. Forget the fact that you're in the same room with Mako-chan...and she's now got her top off...and she's now taking off her shorts...and...damn, is it getting hot in here?"
"Come on!" Usagi exclaimed, bounding across the courtyard and leaping into the hotspring. Minako followed in suit, while Rei, Makoto and Ami chose to take their time and walk.
The fact that he had to go out nude as well seemed to hold some sort of calming effect. He felt more exposed as a girl than in being with all these other naked girls.
"Would you scrub my back, Minako-chan?" Mako-chan asked, settling down into the water.
"Hai!" Minako cheerfully replied, wading over and taking a little scrub brush to Makoto's back.
Chaos swallowed hard. "Gainax to the max," he muttered, the steam around him strangely becoming thicker and thicker.
"Wah!" Mako-chan exclaimed, laughing and squirming about in Minako's grip. "That tickles, Minako-chan!"
"Oh, does it then?" Rei asked. "What about here?" And then she started to playfully tickle Makoto. Mako-chan let out a series of delighted shrieks.
By now the only real function Chaos could perform was to sit there in a catatonic state and rattle uncontrollably as the girls splashed around in the water.
"Oooh!" Havoc exclaimed, suddenly leaping out from beneath the water and grabbing Chaos' breasts. "A little excited, are we, Chaos?"
Needless to say, all the ladies (the real ladies) present shrieked as the pervert to end all perverts made his grand appearance.
"You sick little bastard!" Chaos exclaimed, protectively clutching his breasts. "DIE HAVOC!!!"
Havoc laughed and leaped out of the water as Chaos send a smiting of the falling cow down. He bounded from the hotsprings and chased down Havoc, leaving a rather stunned dairy cow to sit in the water.
The girls turned to one another in surprise.
"Um," Rei asked. "Just what was that all about?"