Chaos: "Ne, Mayhem, do you think we could for once make a really great introduction considering all the sponsors we're unofficially using?"
[Cue the Right Said Fred song!]
Havoc: "I'm too sexy for this intro! Too sexy for this intro!"
Chaos: "Havoc, what are you doing with my pantyhose?! You'll get a run in them!"
Havoc: "Well I have to accessorize for tonight, don't I? After all, I am in this Magical Girl beauty pageant too."
Chaos: "NA NI!? That's the same pageant the Senshi and I are competing in!"
Pesti: "Who gave that hentai a script for Fanboys 4?"
Anarchy: "You know, they probably are studying all of you guys as test cases for psychology courses."
Mayhem: "Yare yare. Methinks I'll just hang here with Ami-chan and celebrate Rampage having eater her 10th kawaii mascot."
[SD fanboys turn around as they hear Ami-chan drunkenly singing "La la la never give up! Ganbaruwa!"]
Chaos: "Okay, who forgot to tell her about the Hard Lemonade's alcoholic content?"
Chaos: "Mayhem, you didn't?!"
Pesti: "Ooooo! The plot thickens!"
Anarchy: "These fanfics had a plot?"
Pesti: "Apparently so. At least that's the story we're sticking with."
Chaos: "Mayhem, do you have any idea of who'll be unleashed if Ami-chan kisses you?!"
Havoc: [chanting] "Doji! Doji! Doji!"
Pesti: "You know, the only highlight we have for this fanfic is the fact that Rampage will actually say something more than her usual 'CHU CHU!'"
Rampage: "CHU CHU!"
Mayhem: "I'm assuming we'll be holding our breaths until the end of part two, ne?"
Anarchy: "That's it! I refuse to be in this dumb intro. bit any longer. I'm scrolling the title page!"
Ohayo, faithful fanfic readers!
Well if you're reading this then it means you've survived the near infinitely warped and completely pointless (save for the nekkid Senshi flashes) Curse of the Fanboys 3! fanfic. And right now we at Fanboys Central are busy working to answer all the fan letters you've written of the series.
Mayhem: "All two of them, to be exact."
Chaos: "Shhhhhh! You're not helping our PR here!"
But let us digress on that later. I stress digress and not digest because digestion of this fanfic may lead to stomach irritation and/or an urge to purify oneself in sacred waters.
Pesti: "They should have this warning label in front of the Oscarfics."
Anyhoo, before we go into another rant and thus incur the wrath of yet another in-flight movie joke, let us journey into Tokyo city, where our three Fanboys have gathered into their apartment and are just enjoying some time off.
Which is valid considering all they had gone through in F3, where Havoc got a Maze power and now turns into a girl during the night. And where Anarchy the psychotic fangirl had appeared only to snag Tasuki as her boyfriend.
In this beautiful and majestic city there was peace, (even though a mysterious panty thief who bore a remarkable resemblance to Havoc was pillaging the city of its unmentionables) as the Sailor Senshi protected Tokyo and the Earth.
And there was much rejoicing.
But getting back to the fanfic at hand...or foot, whichever appendage you want to include here, it was a surprisingly quiet Tuesday evening in the fanboys' apartment. Mako-chan and Ami-chan were still very adamant about not going there, Havoc was out on another "panty liberation crusade", and Anarchy was still partying with Tasuki.
"Ah, this is the life," Chaos sighed, leaning back in his chair as he typed away on the computer.
"Don't tell me you're still trying to write that dumb Haruka Vs. The Predator fanfic again?" Mayhem sighed, sprawled out on the couch as he flipped through an Animerica magazine.
[Fanboy's Note: no, this isn't a plug for Animerica...really we mean it...not a plug at all...um, oh look! Haruka in her S&M dominatrix get-up!]
"Nope, I gave up on that," Chaos replied. "Apparently there were already arguments over who was going to MST that before I was even half finished it. Besides, if I gave Haruka her Red Queen powers, it would all be over."
Pesti-chan shuddered. "Somehow the thought of a big reptilian alien shouting 'Jo'o-sama Jo'o-sama Jo'o-sama!!!' is a total turn-off for me."
Chaos shrugged, walking over to their entertainment system and rummaging through their Anime soundtrack collections. "Hey!" he exclaimed. "Who scratched my Record of Lodoss War?"
"Who do you think?" Mayhem replied, glancing down at Rampage.
Rampage beamed. "CHU CHU!"
"I told you to get the CD instead," Pesti-chan sighed.
And then came the scream of Chaos: "KYAAA!!"
"What now?" Pesti-chan asked. "Rampage using you as a teething ring...again?"
"No!" Chaos exclaimed. "We're out of Tropical Fruit Bubbalicious! Do you know what this means, Mayhem?!"
Mayhem grinned. "Certainly. We've got a bubblegum crisis on our hands."
Pesti-chan groaned. "I could see that coming a mile away, and yet there was nothing I could do to stop it. If we keep using such bad puns I fear of the consequences later on in the series."
Chaos retired to the kitchen. After sorting through the food in the fridge he produced a couple of bottles of Hard Lemonade. "How about you two?"
"I'll have one," Pesti-chan piped up.
"Same here," Mayhem said. "Don't throw it this time. I just showered, okay?"
Chaos walked over and gave the other two fanboys their Hard Lemonades. And as Chaos struggled with the apparently child-proof tops, Mayhem simply let Rampage devour his bottlecap.
"CHU CHU!" Rampage happily squeaked, bouncing across the coffee table and falling upon a hapless houseplant. She would have surely consumed the mail had Pesti-chan not intervened.
"Curse this bottlecap!" Chaos hissed, his face swelling up and turning really neat shades of red. Seconds later the lid exploded and Chaos was blown into the wall by the blast of fizz and lemonade.
Pesti-chan and Mayhem didn't even blink twice. "Baka," they chorused, drinking their own Hard Lemonades.
"Should we indulge the fan letters we have received?" Pesti-chan inquired.
"Let's," Mayhem agreed, reclining on the couch.
[Cue the self-gratifying fanmail letter section!]
Chaos took a seat on the couch alongside Pesti-chan. "Now, we've been getting some comments about how we've so shameless put ourselves into self-gratifying roles in our own self-insertion fanfic series. Really, people, would we be that petty?"
Mayhem & Pesti: "Yo!"
Chaos: "Well the answer is of course: yes, we are that petty. Hey, if we were not so shameless and petty we wouldn't have had that big nude hotspring escapade!"
Pesti: "I wouldn't exactly call giving Havoc that Maze transformation a self-gratifying thing."
Mayhem: "Only if you're a perverted masochist."
Havoc: "A bra? I come anon!"
[Cue the facevaults!]
Chaos: "Don't you have a home to go to?"
Havoc: "Nope. Banned for life from the Skima realm."
The other three fanboys toppled over as they were attacked by a swarm of near-carnivorous sweatdrops. Chaos shook his head, unable to comprehend as to how or even why Havoc could still be wearing that Chichiri-like smile of his.
Havoc leaped onto the armrest of the couch, pulling out a brochure of Chicago. "Anyone want to go to the Purple Pussy? I hear Minnie May's going to be doing a cameo there for a Gunsmith Cats feature."
"I fear what might happen if those two ever get together," Pesti-chan groaned.
"Hai hai," Chaos lamented.
Pesti-chan picked up one of the envelopes on the coffee table and opened it up. "I'll read this first letter we've got."
Seconds later an SD Pesti-chan nearly killed himself laughing, rolling along the floor with a kawaii mouth so large Chaos was able to reach in and draw a happy face on the uvula.
"What's the letter say?" Mayhem inquired.
Pesti: "'Dear Fanboys, is Chaos a she-male or what?'"
Chaos: "What the hell?! I'll have you know I am not a she-male!"
Havoc: "Hai! The proper name for Chaos' disorder is transsexual!"
Mayhem: [singing] "Sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania!"
Chaos: "Hush, Newt-boy! I am not a she-male, and I can prove it!"
[Pesti-chan and Mayhem shield their eyes.]
Both: "Yaaa! Echi!"
Havoc: "Echi echi, go go, jump!"
Seconds later Havoc was unceremoniously booted out through the balcony door. In a news report broadcast later on that day, an irate Shampoo would be heard to exclaim, "Some pervert-boy came and steal Shampoo's dress while Shampoo with Ranma!"
Whereupon Akane was heard to reply, "What were you doing with Shampoo, Ranma?!"
At the risk of stating the obvious, pandemonium ensued at the Tendo Dojo. But that's completely irrelevant to the plot, isn't it? Getting back to the fanboys:
Mayhem: "Next letter! [Ahem!] This comes from a Sailor Star Polaris, who writes: 'Hey there!!'."
Mayhem: "'I read the fanboy! thing and found it extremely funny. In fact it annoyed my mother so greatly since I was reading it at 2 am and laughing loudly.'"
Chaos: "You love me! You really really love me!"
Pesti: "Careful Chaos, you don't want any obsessed fans in our fanfic series. This is demented enough as it is, arigato gozaimasu."
Mayhem: "There's more: 'OK, here's the flame part. Sorry, but it's my duty. The use of Ruka-chan--you broke a rule!!! Ooooooh, I hope Beans didn't notice.'"
Chaos: "Ha! I laugh in the face of Beans!"
Mayhem: "Only when she hasn't duct taped it shut."
Pesti: "Besides we should worry more about Andrea Hui and Jackie Chuang tracking us down with knives...big knives."
Mayhem: "Oh look, yet another flame!"
Chaos: "What is she? A sadist?!"
Mayhem: "It's about the Gentle Uterus mockery we did in our Wonderland escapade. And I quote: 'If you *ever* insult my darling, beautiful, wonderful, second-favourite Senshi Sailor Star Maker again, I will track all three of you down and...' Well, you get the idea."
Pesti: "Vengeful, isn't she?"
Mayhem: "Gee, thanks Chaos. You just angered one of our only known fans."
Chaos: "Oh come on! What could this Polaris girl actually do to us?"
Pesti: "What's this 'us' thing you talk of?"
Chaos: "Ha! I laugh at her smiting powers! I dare her to try and do something!"
[Mayhem, Havoc, Pesti-chan and Rampage discreetly shuffle out of the room.]
Chaos: "Come on, Polaris, take your best shot!"
[Chaos is instantly smited by a herd of falling plastic pink flamingos!]
Pesti: "He's cleaning up this mess. Now what are we going to do with a bunch of lawn ornaments in our apartment?"
Mayhem: "Don't bother. Rampage is devouring them as we speak."
Rampage: [Burp!] "CHU CHU!"
Chaos: "Ha! It'll take more than a bunch of dumb glow-in-the-dark flamingos to stop his lordship Chaos!"
[Chaos is instantly smited with a massive Gentle Uterus that crashes through the ceiling!]
Mayhem: "Now that is the second biggest Gentle Uterus I've ever seen."
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