Moving right along with the performace (which had been brought to this fanfic by the Cat Cafe and the NERV Human Instrumentality Project Committee...who are looking for new recruits by the way!) the competition continued right along.
"And now," Mitsuru said. "The magical attack portion of the competition!" He glanced over at Shinobu, who was sitting and grinning at the far corner of the runway. "What are you doing over there?"
"Protecting my good looks," Shinobu replied without missing a beat. "The author may have paid us a lot of yen to have cameo appearances in his fanfic, but I'm not about to have that much exposure. It'll cost him more."
[Fanboy's Note: damn, are they tough negotiators or what?!]
"Do you think Chaos stands a chance in this part of the competition?" Pesti-chan asked, leaning over to Anarchy. "All he has are the really dumb comet cleaner attacks, or else his somewhat illegal smiting techniques."
Anarchy grinned, her fangs gleamed. "Don't worry. Chaos will definitely win this one. I rigged a spectacular attack."
From the stage, Chaos glanced at the hiragana penned onto his palm. "This had better work, Anarchy. BI-GU MA-KE A-TA-KU!"
Pesti-chan's eyebrow twitched. "A...Big Mac Attack?"
Mayhem turned to Anarchy, letting Rampage devour his sweatdrop. "Surely thou jests, Anarchy."
Anarchy grinned, revealling her little fangs. "Be patient."
Chaos cleared his throat again. "[Ahem!] BI-GU MA-KE A-AT-KU!!!"
Seconds later a herd of stampeding cows crashed onto the stage, smiting everything including his lordship Chaos as their mooing echoed across the entire auditorium. As the dust finally cleared, a battered and bruised Chaos wobbily rose to his feet.
"T-t-ta daaaaa....!"
From offstage, Makoto and the rest of the magical girls could only blink in stunned surprise.
Shinobu grinned at Mitsuru. "Now do you see why I stayed over here." He consulted the program. "And coming up next, the part you've all been reading this fanfic for: the swimsuit competition! But first, the intermission stageshow starring the Three Lights idol team."

* * *

While Yaten, Taiki and Seiya reverted to their male teen idol forms and performed for the hordes of screaming female fans, Mayhem, Rampage and Pesti-chan decided to use their backstage passes.
"Moshi moshi!" Pesti-chan announced, opening the door with his hand covering his eyes.
Mayhem stuck in his head and looked around. "Hmmm, it appears this is just make-up. Shimatta, I guess the dressing rooms are further back."
Pesti-chan smacked Mayhem upside the back of the head with his sweatdrop. "Echi!"
Magical girls clad in either their battle fukus or swimsuits were racing all around them getting their hair done, their make-up done, adjusting and straightening and accessorizing and of course panicking.
"Sumimasen!" Devil Hunter Yohko exclaimed, her bosom bumping into Pesti-chan. As she left Pesti-chan with a stupid grin on his face, Mayhem only sighed.
"Ah, the memories. If he hadn't disappeared after the first OVA, Osamu would have been such a lucky guy...had he not been possessed by another demon."
"Wah!" came the excited voice of Galaxy Fraulein Yuna. "Kamui! Over here!"
"Carrot, what do you think?" Card Captor Sakura asked, showcasing her swimsuit.
"I've died and gone to Megami Paradise," Pesti-chan sighed. "Now if only Mako-chan, my Mamamega-sama, would appear."
"Hey, Mayhem!" came the female Chaos' voice. And then he leaped in from high above in practicing his entrance. And it would have been a spectacular one too had he not crashed through the floor.
"So," Mayhem asked the gaping hole. "How do you think you're doing?"
Chaos struggled out from the lower basement, dusting his battle fuku off. "I at least stood a chance until Anarchy's stupid Big Mac Attack came stampeding from Kami-sama only knows where!"
"Are your friends here?" came Makoto's voice. In walked Makoto, all dressed up in her emerald green bikini for the swimsuit competition. She leaned up against one of the vanity mirrors.
Pesti-chan went all Bambi-eyed. "K-k-kawaiiiiiii!!!!"
Mayhem grinned. "And you thought there would be nothing interesting to see backstage. For shame, Pesti-chan; you should trust me more than that."
"Speaking of," Chaos added, holding up his one piece, pink bowtie-laiden swimsuit. "What do you think? Too cute? I was debating on a bikini, but then again--"
"You're asking *me* about this?" Mayhem asked.
"Mako-chan!" Pesti-chan exclaimed, happily clasping hands with her. "I loved your part of the talent competition where you did all that kung-fu fighting, and then finished with baking a strawberry shortcake."
"A-arigato," Mako-chan replied, blushing slightly at the enamoured Pesti-chan and his compliments.
"It came a close second to Tira and Chocolate demonstrating ameteur S&M on poor hapess Carrot Glaces as they sang their OVA song 'Whip On, Darling'," Mayhem muttered to Chaos.
"You should have heard them warming up for it," Chaos replied, shuddering.
Rei and Minako appeared, Usagi frantically chasing after them and winding up toppling into three different racks of clothes.
"Wah!" Usagi exclaimed, floundering about in a pile of feathers and ruffles. "Tasukete!!"
Chaos sighed and leaned over to help Usagi out, only managing to topple into the pile and get entangled along with her.
"Wah!" they chorused. "Tasukete!"
Mako-chan sighed. "You two are so hopeless sometimes."
"So what do you think of the show?" Rei asked.
Mayhem shrugged. "Not bad at all. Mind you, we've been trying to keep low profile since numerous kawaii mascots are mysteriously vanishing backstage." He glanced at Rampage, who was bouncing up and down on his shoulder. "You had better not burp up anything incriminating."
Rampage smiled. "CHU CHU!"

Just then Ami came out, loosely gripping to top piece of her two-piece swimsuit. With each step she took she came very close to revealing her very scantily-clad bosom. "Um, could one of you help do this up for--Mayhem?!" She turned three shades of red and ducked behind a corner. "G-gomen nasai! I...I didn't know you were here!"
Mayhem's eyebrow twitched, his glasses suddenly askew as his hair went into instant fray mode. The faulty dating chromosome kicking back into high gear, he immediately gripped and shredded the thing nearest to him.
"HEY!!" An SD Chaos exclaimed. "THAT WAS MY SWIMSUIT!!!!"
Usagi beamed. "I managed to salvage a bowtie!"
A still unimpressed Chaos glanced over at the catatonically twitching Mayhem. "Oh goodie...one whole bowtie. Well now I have to find a replacement."
"You can get some in one of the back dressing rooms," Minako said, gesturing to one of the doorways. "There should be some spares left over. Just take a left, a right, another left, two rights, cut through the bathrooms, hang a left, and when you can't go any further, you're there."
A kitten-eared Chaos glanced over at the maze of halls, the kana for "You've got to be kidding me!" scrolling behind him.
"Minako-chan," Rei sighed. "Duo will get lost with those directions. Anyone would."
Minako giggled. "Gomen. But you know, getting to where you going means having to stock up on a lot of gas!"
[Cue the facevaults!]
"I give up!" Rei exclaimed, swatting away her own sweatdrop.
"That's 'getting there is half the fun', Minako," Pesti-chan said. "Have you ever gotten a saying right in your life? Ever?"
And this fanfic could have lapsed into more kawaii little gags backstage but there was a fanfic to be written and fans to appease, so Chaos took control of the plot lines.
"I can't navigate my way back there!" Chaos exclaimed. He grabbed onto Makoto's wrist. "Will you show me the way Mako-chan?" He smiled sincerely at her, ignoring that right behind Makoto an oversized, demon version Pesti-chan was glaring down at him. "Ne, Mako-chan?"
"I...I guess," Makoto replied, smiling uneasily.
Pesti-chan appeared next to Chaos. "Duo," he said ever so nicely with a menacing tone, putting Chaos in an ever so nice headlock. "Friend, fanboy, overlord and sensai...there's not a chance in hell you have of getting to be alone with her like this."
Chaos' purple face ballooned out as he struggled to breathe. "Accept it, Pesti-chan! She's already decided to go with me and leave you behind!"
Pesti-chan pulled out a pan-dimensional mallet. "Well, we'll just have to make sure you're not around anymore, ne, Chaos?"
Chaos clenched his fists, the smiting powers of the Fanboy overlord gathering substance. "Ha! You and your cabbages won't stop me from being escorted by my kawaii Mako-chan to find a new swimsuit!"
"*Whose* Mako-chan?!" Pesti-chan excliamed.
They leaned closer, and that gleam of glaring light crackled between their eyes. And it would have been a cool effect had they both not been blinded by it.
"Curse you, Pesti-chan!" Chaos exclaimed, fumbling around the dressing room and flinging cows in every direction, causing magical girls to scatter. "I'll get you for this!"
Pesti-chan swung his pan-dimensional mallet. "I have you know, Chaos! I may be blinded but I can hear your voice!" However he wound up creaming Mayhem, who was at the time fondly sighing over Ami-chan in the bikini.
"Will you just get going already?" Mako-chan exclaimed, punting the two feuding fanboys down the hall and with an exasperated sigh follow after them.
Mayhem rolled his eyes, peeling himself off the floor. "I swear only the reader polls will ever decide who finally gets to go steady with Makoto, let alone have at least one date with her."

* * *

Page 4

Back to Fanfics