"Well," the Magical Girl Beauty Pagent host Mitsuru Ikeda spoke into the microphone. "The author agreed to give us a higher price for our cameo, so I guess that means we get to reappear one more time to boost this fanfic's readership!"
Shinobu Tezuka grinned. "And we're cleaning up on the betting pools too. Getting right to the final entry of the pagent, this swimsuit competition has been brought to you by Mike's Hard Lemonade, proud sponser of the Magical Girl Beauty Pagent."
Pesti-chan leaned over to Mayhem. "Unliscenced product placement?"
Mayhem shrugged. "Why not? Gainax does it all the time."
Pesti-chan nodded, and then paused in thought. A sweatdrop suddenly appeared as he turned to Mayhem. "You echi."
Mayhem grinned. "Aren't we all, though?"
"And here they are, all in summer beachware!" Mitsuru announced, gesturing to the curtain being pulled back to reveal rows of kawaii magical girls all in even more kawaii swimsuits.
Mayhem: "Ah, Ami-chan is so kawaii. And look! She got--"
Mayhem: "Nope. She got Gainax."
Shinobu paused as he was handed a small card. "And now in a last-minute entry to the swimsuit competition--"
"Last minute entry?" Mayhem said.
Pesti-chan shrugged. "We're not missing any Magical Girls, but who else would know about the swimsuit...competition...?"
The two turned to each other. "Havoc," they chorused.
Anarchy smirked. "Oh, this should be exciting."
"Halow evureebahdee!" the female Havoc exclaimed, waving at the crowd as she spoke in the Japanese-accented English that only Blue Seed's Sakura could ever so badly butcher.
Female Chaos and all the Inner Senshi facevaulted the instant they recognized the notorious Hentai-sama having returned from outside the fanfic courtesy of Dark Schnieder's "Megadeth" attack.
"Havoc, what in the hell are you doing here?" Chaos hissed.
"I'm here to judge these bikini-clad beauties for myself," Havoc replied, giving Chaos a playful wink. "I was actually thinking that it's rather unfair to have some girls in two-piece swimsuits and others in one." She stretched out her arms, fingers laced together. "How about we level the playing field and judge all the girls in one-piece suits?"
Chaos' eyebrow twitched. "Havoc, over half the girls here are wearing two-piece suits."
Havoc smiled, cracking her knuckles. "You're point being?" She glanced at the other magical girls. "My, but Mako-chan simply looks delicious in that two-piece. Wonder how'd she look in a one piece?"
Chaos reached back for a pan-dimensional mallet. "Why you perverted little...ne, Mako-chan you know your thighs are really supple?"
Sure enough, he wound up groping Mako-chan's thighs instead of a weapon of mass destruction. A Bambi-eyed Chaos glanced up at a fuming Makoto. "I'm really regretting I said that," he sighed.
Seconds later Chaos was punted into the audience.
"I thought the talent competition was over," Mitsuru remarked.
Still wearing his poker grin, Shinobu replied, "Who said it was a part of the beauty pagent?"
Mitsuru gave Shinobu a strange look. "Na ni?"
Shinobu smiled. "During our cameo contract renegotiations, I read the first part of the fanfic. I bet on the odds that this would happen."
Mayhem sulked from his chair. "Dammit. And here I bet fifty bucks that Makoto would hammer Chaos into the floor instead of punt him into the audiences."
And thus Havoc began gleefully laughing and bounding across the stage, ripping off every last magical girl's swimsuit without even tearing so much as one stitch in the material. Nekkid flashes abounded as magical girls fled in terror.
Havoc: "Vive le Panty Liberation Organization!"
Chaos: "Will somebody please smite him?"
Anarchy: [snaps fingers] "Done."
Seconds later an enormous Wedding Peach crashed through the ceiling and promptly smited Lord Havoc.
Mayhem: "Havoc and the Giant Wedding Peach?"
Pesti: "Don't you dare mention this to Chaos. It's bad enough he's begun working on that dumb Senshi Muyo! fanfic crossover."
Chaos: "Well, on that relatively safe note for me, let's cue the end credits!"
And in that split second before the action ended and the eyecatch appeared, his lordship Chaos's head was used as a springboard by a bounding Mokona who was shouting "Pu Pu Puuuuu!". Rampage quicky followed, intent on devouring the annoying little mascot once and for all.
Mayhem: "Okay, Chaos got humiliated again. I think it's safe to end it now."
[Cue the end credits!]
Everyone sat in a room in Rei's temple, sipping drinks and celebrating the rousing success of the first annual Magical Girl beauty pagent. Rei was smiling as she glanced back at her trophy and crown for winning first prize.
"I still can't believe it," Chaos muttered, sulking in super deformed mode. "Rei won first place in the beauty contest! What does she have that I don't?"
"Natural femininity, for starters," Anarchy retorted, putting Tasuki in another headlock and forcefeeding him yet another bottle of sake.
"Hmph," Chaos sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. His expression softened as he saw Rei smiling and laughing with the other girls. "Oh well, I guess she did deserve it after all. But at least I won honourable mention for my smiting power...no thanks to you for almost killing me, Anarchy."
Havoc bounded across the table, laughing as he chanted, "Ha ha! I got Tia Noto-Yoko's panties! The whole basket full of them!"
Pesti-chan sighed. "Remind me to have Ami unleash Dark Schnieder again so Havoc can pay for that one. I wanna see this Guns N' Ro attack of his."
Ami-chan smiled and snuggled up next to Mayhem. "Komban wa, Carrot," she said quietly, blushing.
Mayhem's eyebrow twitched, still not able to remember what he did as Dark Schnieder. "Um, daijobu, Ami-chan?"
Minako nudged Usagi with a knowing look.
Makoto, on the other hand, was completely oblivious to this as Pesti-chan and Chaos began hosting another smiting duel where the first fanboy who smacked the other one silly with a herring won the right to date her.
Rampage squeaked amidst all the celebrating, and then spoke: "Te-no-e?"
Everyone froze, glancing down at the mascot. Rampage started trying to shape her mouth out, making sounds that definitely were not her usual "CHU CHU!"
The gang excitedly gathered around the table.
Chaos: "She's going to speak! Rampage is going to speak finally!"
Mayhem: "Don't kill yourself with excitement, Chaos."
Chaos: "Well, it's like listening to a furry, mascot-eating Chibichibi all the time! This time Rampage might have something half intelligent to say!"
Minako: "Ah, isn't she so kawaii?"
Rei: "Usagi, will you move? I can't see! Baka!"
Usagi: "Wah! Rei-chan's so mean to me!"
Chaos: "She speaks!"
[All peer down at the carnivorous, SD Godzilla-thingy]
Rampage: [Mexican chihuahua accent] "Yo quero Taco Bell."
Usagi: "Ah! Kawaii! And that makes me hungry!"
[The fanboys all facevault!]
Chaos: o_O "What the hell?! We waited four fanfics and a special just to hear that?! [dials cell phone] Moshi moshi...Beans? Yeah, Chaos here. Okay, the peace treaty's off. I'm comin' for your lake god again!"
[Chaos screams and runs as a terrified octopus is hurled through the phone line and plasters itself to the back of his head.]
Mayhem: "Methinks we've been letting Rampage watch too much television."
Pesti: "Mayhem, she ate one of our satellites last month, remember? She's been tuned into three hundred different channels since then."
Chaos: "That's it! I will not participate in this fanfic any longer! I refuse to be the centre for all these dumb sight gags again just for some cheap laughs!"
[Chaos is promptly thumped by a Star Gentle Uterus yet again!]
Anarchy: "Now *that* was funny!"
Mayhem: "Hm, three outsider smitings in one fanfic. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new record!"
Makoto: I don't believe I still have to be a part of all this."
Ami: "Could somebody please cue the closing credits? Mayhem and I want to be alone."
[Ami-chan playfully runs her fingers down Mayhem's back.]
Mayhem: "KYAAAAA!! What's happened to my shy little Ami-chan?!"
Pesti: "My first guess would be Dark Schnieder, but that'll just have to wait for Fanboys 5!, ne?"
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