Fanboy Rants


(it just happens to be fansubbed)


His lordship Chaos here.

Well, with the massive update and revamping of the page, I was asked to take the time out from my busy schedule of fic-writing, Anime binging and channelling the spirit of cabbits. Why, you ask? Well apparently I'm here to rant about something near & dear to the hearts of all otaku: bosoms.

              [The author gets whacked on the head with a Sana hammer, and is forced to resume the regular rant.]

Okay then, you all are probably expecting the mindless ranting and raving I've become notorious for in both the Fanboys! fics and in my Philosophies in a Teacup. But in this section, we're going to take time every few updates to examine those burning questions you have regarding one of the fanboys.

Naturally, this means you have to start sending in questions. So toss them my way, fellow otaku! They can be as serious or as strange as you want. You ever wondered:

              Does Chaos sleep with a teddy bear?

              (Well, he definitely sleeps in a teddy and has mistaken Rampage for a plushie on occasion.)

Or asked yourself:

             What do the 6 SD Pesti's do in their spare time?

              (Quite a bit, though lately they've posed as models for a "Pesti-chans playing poker" painting series.)

Or pondered:

              Just how expensive have Beans' therapy bills become thanks to Chaos?

              (Enough to bankrupt a small country.)

Or intimated on:

             What about that man, Yang Wen-li?

              (Carnage killed that man, Yang Wen-li. Get over it.)

Then this is the place for you! Submit your queries for all the fanboys, and a few of the authors/creators too if you feel so inclined, to:

Every few updates we'll profile a different fanboy, and the questions you've asked...along with some half-assed answers we came up with the night before the update. But it all balances out in the end I'm sure.

Yet since this is only a fledgling Q&A bit, we don't want to get ahead of ourselves. This naturally means that this first session cannot involve the proper Q&A for one of the fanboys since we lack the Q thingy. So what could we possibly do to fill this particular rant update?

Well, the solution is simple. Today I'm going to interview...myself!!

              [In a very existential moment, we cut to a table at the Cyberia dance club. His lordship Chaos sits across from...His lordship Chaos, who's enjoying the pulse-pounding beats. And in the background, we see Lain (saucy babe version) flipping off a group of would-be hacker kids.]

His lordship Chaos: "First of all, let me say it's an honour and privilege to have you take time off your busy schedule just to be interviewed."

His lordship Chaos: ^^v "Think nothing of it! You're such a cute li'l interviewer, how could I say no?"

His lordship Chaos: ^-^ "Ooooh, thanks for the compliment. So tell me, you wonderful stud of a writer you, what's it like working on the fanboys?"

His Lordship Chaos: "Well, naturally a lot of time is spent researching our material. I have to watch as much Anime as I can in order to get names, places, titles and sight gags that show up later in the fics. And as everyone knows, anime should always be celebrated with Sake. Lots and lots of Sake."

His lordship Chaos: "Intriguing. What is your work schedule like on the fics?"

His lordship Chaos: "Let's see...I watch Anime and drink some Sake...then I drink more Sake...more Sake...then I do my laundry, buy my groceries, and sacrifice a Mokona plushie to the dark gods of fanfiction so that my next story will be successful. After that comes even more Sake and some Hard Lemonade, and somewhere in that half-assed state of mind a fanfic pops out! It's kinda like Alien; my evil little fics tend to leave a trail of bodies in their wake."

His lordship Chaos: "Now if I may ask, oh suave and sexy fic author, what's the deal with smiting your own avatar so much?"

His lordship Chaos: ^-^ "Aw, but Chaos makes such a cute 'deer in the headlight' face right before he gets smited, I can't help myself. He's so adorable when he does that!"

His lordship Chaos: "Fascinating. You make for such a magnificent specimen of otaku."

His lordship Chaos: "Yes, that I do--but you make for quite the specimen yourself."

His lordship Chaos: ^^;; "Domo! Back to the interview, some fans of your series have wondered where your kawaii writing assistants fit into the picture."

             [His lordship Chaos leans back and starts drinking his Dragon Pink Lady.]

His lordship Chaos: "Oh, that's an easy one. They're around to pamper me. They give me massages, run around my office in bikinis and bunnygirl suits, and always have some hot Sake or Hard Lemonade ready for me whenever I take a dip in the jacuzzi. They help me loosen up and get further inspiration."

His lordship Chaos: "Wow, such a touching response. You truly are an author among authors. Oh, I should ask this, since I'm sure all of your readers must be wanting to know: are you and Greenbeans rivals in real life, just as much as your avatars are?"

His lordship Chaos: "Nah, that's all just an act. We're actually signed up to do an X: The Musical show in Las Vegas sometime next month. I play the stage-singin' Fuma, and she gets to cut my head off after I've killed the rest of the cast...and a few stagehands."

His lordship Chaos: "I would have never guessed! Okay...what kitchen appliance would best describe you as an author?"

His lordship Chaos: ^-^ "A spork."

His lordship Chaos: [ano....] "Any particular reason why?"

His lordship Chaos: "No."

His lordship Chaos: "You reveal such complexity with that answer. Kudos! What do you think is the one top regret you have regarding the entire cult status about the Fanboys?"

His lordship: [sigh!] "Oh, I know exactly what that one is. You see, Havoc has quite the amorous fanclub. So much so that he's been sent Emails with pictures of his female fans in their underwear."

His lordship Chaos: "And this bothers you?"

His lordship Chaos: "Hai!"

His lordship Chaos: "You think it ruins the integrity of your most awesomely perfect fanfic series?"

His lordship Chaos: o.O; [blink blink!] "Hell, no. I'm just honked that he gets all the panty pics, and I haven't even been sent a single one. I demand equal nekkid flashes here!"

His lordship Chaos: "I see. Naturally all genius authors must suffer a curse from their brilliance. You have my deepest sympathies. Now then, next question: rumours have been abounding around the webpage about a possible lover's tryst between you and someone called...Yarf-chan?"

His lordship Chaos: [standing up] "This interview is over!"

PallaPalla: [on the Cyberia dancefloor] "STOP CALLING PALLAPALLA, YARF-CHAN!!!"

His lordship Chaos: "But it wasn't me! It What the hell?"

His lordship Chaos: ^-^ "And that's about all the time we have for this interview. Today's update was brought to you in part by Planet Hentai: Get Wet. It Pays. And don't forget to tune in next week for that wacky new show 'Totally Hidden Dragu Slave'!"