"You know," Mayhem was hear to remark as the fanboys entered Planet Hentai for the first (and no doubt last) time. "I keep expecting to see everyone here suddenly break into a rousing chorus of wanting to do the Timewarp again. And then have Chaos appear as Dr. Frank N. Fanboy."
Chaos: "I am not a sweet transvestite, Mayhem!"
Pesti: "This coming from the fanboy who shows up for most fanficfic viewings in a dress."
Chaos: "Well at least I try to look pretty for the work of our fans!"
"The arcade's over to your left," Havoc was explaining to them as they were taken on the quick guided tour of the place. "We've got all the latest games like Mokona Malleting, Pin the Spear on the Lilith, the Naughty Tentacle Obstacle Course, and so forth."
Chaos tapped Havoc's shoulder. "Where was that 'death to Mokona' game again? Carnage, you wanna practice of that one?"
On the inside, the club was an enormous 3-storey high establishment, with split levels everywhere, along with flashing lights, neon signs and various posh furniture scattered amidst the tables and booths. Hentai memorabilia was all over the club, each item in behind large glass plates: Kekko Kamen's mask (well, what *else* does she wear that one could put behind glass?), a pair of Lucky Kitty Gym Shorts, Captain Tita's wetsuit, Wonderland's Cheshire Cat's tiger-striped kitty ensemble, and more things not even the author wanted to mention!
Carnage stared at yet another item. "How in the hell did he manage to get Cutey Honey's outfit in one piece?"
Mayhem shrugged. "Over here he's got two pussy-willows from the Twin Dolls."
With a sigh Carnage remarked, "Well, at least he hasn't gotten the cursed panties of Torajima from Dragon Pink on display." Chaos, Mayhem and Pesti-chan all sweatdropped. "What?" Carnage asked, suddenly uneasy. "He has those too?"
"In a sense," Chaos answered. "Do you know how he manages to do that Maze transformation every night?"
Carnage's eyes bugged out. "You don't mean?!"
The fanboys nodded. "Hai."
"Oh, that's just sick."
Havoc motioned to her fellow fanboys. "Oh, and there's the kitchen! We've got Kasumi, Shampoo and Ukyo all working as top gourmet chefs to cater to whatever your stomach craves. Of course, Nuku Nuku runs the rodent patrol."
"Shimatta!" Mayhem exclaimed. "Incoming bunny girl!"
The fanboys scattered as Wonderland's skateboarding bunny girl came tearing out of the two-way doors leading to the kitchen. Naturally Chaos had absolutely no idea what the hell was going on, and turned around just in time to have his face used as a ramp as the bunny girl went to deliver her latest order of food.
"It's late! It's late! Yeah yeah, the order's late!"
"That's it," Pesti-chan said, dusting himself off. "If Cho-Li and To-Li show up again, I'm leaving."
Chaos popped up from the floor, wheel marks running up the sides of his face. "That's it! I'm outta here!"
"This is no time to panic and go SD on us," Mayhem said.
"Oh this is the perfect time to do that!" Chaos hissed. "We're in the middle of Havoc's own warped little creation, I just got run over, and...and where did Carnage disappear to?"
The trio of fanboys sweatdropped as they watched a frantic Carnage get carried off by the entire cast of Clamp's Miyuki-chan In Wonderland.
Mayhem whistled. "Sugoi! That's one helluva Tenchi Masaki syndrome he's got if even *those* ladies chase after him for a date."
Chaos glanced around the club. "Dammit. We lost Havoc; looks like we're on our own, guys." His eyes narrowed as he spotted a corridor to their right. "Aha! We can duck in here to try and make sense of it all!"
"I think we stand as much of a chance at that as we do of actually stopping Havoc from doing his panty raids," Mayhem replied, joining Chaos as the trio walked over to another set of doors.
"A karaoke room?" Pesti-chan said warily. "Chaos, are you absolutely certain about this?"
"Come on!" Chaos scoffed. "This might be Havoc's version of a Hentopia nightclub but I think it's pretty certain to say that a karaoke room is the safest place for us to be!"
And with that, Chaos pushed open the door. Well, he would have had a large table not broken through the doors and catapulted the bug-eyed Chaos along with it in a rapid flight into the nearest wall.
Pesti-chan shook his head at the twitching limbs of Chaos sticking out from the crater. "Wild guess, Mayhem: Anarchy and Tasuki are here."
"Judging by the number of patrons now fleeing the room, I'd say that's a fairly good guess," Mayhem replied evenly. "Looks like the two of them are just finishing up with their latest rendition of Ranma 1/2's Lai Lai Boy."
Pesti-chan perused the roster for the karaoke. "Let's see: thankfully we missed Misato, Rei, Asuka and Ritsuko doing all twenty-six variations of Fly Me To The Moon. Next up we have the Hyper Dolls, the Planet Hentai house band...being Priss and the Replicants?! Aiya! Oh, plus there's also Kodocha's Sana-chan from Child's Toy."
"Complete with her keyboard and Yakbak, I see," Mayhem added. "Remind me to avoid that one. There's also a mystery singer, and the virtual idol Mima; I guess the music doesn't always have to be 'live'."
"NA NI?!" the SD version Chaos exclaimed, frantically pointing to the list. "Who the hell let SMAP in here?! If they sing that damned Himechan No Ribon closing theme about those freakin' anthoppers, they are going to find themselves buried beneath a landslide of cows."
"Why not let me Rumblequake them?" Pesti-chan said.
Chaos' eyebrow twitched. "Hush! You're still just an underlord-in-training, no matter what anyone else says. I am your sensei, and until I find a smite to one-up you with, you're still my student."
Chaos, Pesti-chan and Mayhem quickly made their way into the karaoke lounge and took a seat near the front of the stage. And as the Mink belted out the Omelette song, the fanboys discussed their situation.
"Well, look at it this way," Pesti-chan offered. "We have yet to see our beloved Senshi get mixed up in all this depraved lunacy."
"We stress 'yet'," Mayhem countered. "This is Havoc's Omakefic, remember."
"You're not exactly instilling confidence in me," Chaos said dryly. "I say we turn Mayhem here into Dark Schneider and let him Halloween this place."
Just then Carnage reappeared, dressed only in a pair of SD Gundam Deathscythe boxer shorts. He was clearly not impressed as he scuttled around the tables until he reached theirs. Pesti-chan looked at the half-nekkid fanboy. "What in the hell happened to you?"
"Note to self," Carnage remarked, sitting down at their table. "Nabiki Tendo is a card shark when it comes to playing strip poker."
Chaos nodded sympathetically. "Hai hai. She is quite the card shark at...(o.O) NA NI?!"
Mink finished off her Omelette song (and there was much rejoicing!) and quickly bowed before spreading her kawaii li'l wings and fluttering off the stage. And out of all the babes in all the Animes, *she* had to show up in this Omakefic. The fanboys facevaulted right into the table as self-proclaimed teen idol Rei Hino took the stage.
"Komban wa, minna-san!" she said, smiling and waving at the crowd. Cheers and applause arose from the other patrons. "Are we having a good time tonight?"
"Oh the horror stories I could tell," Chaos darkly muttered.
At that exact moment Rei glanced down and saw the fanboys seated at their table. "Ah, Akito!" she exclaimed, suddenly flinging herself off the stage and right onto Carnage's lap--which in itself wasn't exactly a good thing since he was still trying to devise a way to get his clothes back from Nabiki in the casino.
"Ack! Rei, get offa me!" Carnage protested as Rei snuggled up next to him. "You'll wrinkle my Deathscythe pattern!"
"Get used to it," Pesti-chan said.
"At least you don't explode when she does that," Mayhem added.
Well, since Rei had abruptly cancelled her song, the next karaoke singer stepped up to the mike and machine. And the fanboys did yet another group facevault into the table.
"It's Aeka, the Juraian princess!" Pesti-chan said.
"Yes!" Chaos exclaimed. "Maybe she'll knock some sense into the crowd with her prim and proper attitudes!"
Aeka smiled, and then threw off her cloak to reveal her royal Jurian S&M uniform!
Chaos: o.O "Aiya."
"So which part of that is being prim and proper?" Mayhem inquired with a cat-like grin. "The whip she's brandishing, or the pair of handcuffs she's got?"
Chaos' eyebrow twitched. "Hush, Newt-boy."
[Fanboy's Note: yes, I have seen Aeka in her Juraian S&M outfit. It's nowhere near as dominatrix as Chocolate & Tira Misu, but even still it's damned scary to think about Aeka alone in a room with Tenchi and a whip!]
With a dark smile, Aeka yanked on the handcuffs. "Now," she said, eyes scanning the crowd. "In order for me to properly sing my Jurian honeymoon S&M song, I'll need a partner. Do I have any volunteers?"
The fanboys froze as her gaze levelled with their table. "Yare yare," Carnage sighed. "Okay, you've got a volunteer, Aeka."
A roar of applause went up.
"Carnage, you can't be serious!" Pesti-chan protested.
Carnage shrugged. "Aw, come on. It's only Chaos."
Chaos nodded. "Hai hai. It's only--WHAT?!"
Seconds later his frantic SDship Chaos was lobbed across the room, crashing right at Aeka's feet. Aeka towered over him, cracking her whip and cackling wildly. At the risk of stating the obvious, Chaos naturally freaked.
"KYAAAAAAA!!!! JO'O-SAMA JO'O-SAMA JO'O-SAMA JO'O-SAMA!!!"
Aeka laughed, chasing down his frantic SDship Chaos across the stage. "WOH HOH OHO HO HOH HO!!! I see you've played this game before! Now call me the Queen again!!"
"Come on, Chaos," Pesti-chan said, he and Mayhem helping to drag the nervous twitching wreck that might be identified as Chaos out from the karaoke lounge. "I'll go see if I can find some Hard Lemonade to perk you up."
"Why me?" Chaos lamented, picking himself up and reaching back with his hands. "My Ghost in the Slayers Chaosfic was never so bad to deserve a fate like this! There's only one thing that could possibly make this worse: me stretching back my hand like this, and discovering that I've copped another feel from Mako-chan."
Chaos' eyeballs grew bigger as he watched all the other fanboys roll their eyes. "Ano...I did it again, didn't I?"
"HAI!" came Makoto's indignant shout, moments before Chaos was booted across the club and landing at the quiet table for two that Ranma and Akane had reserved (as a result the two started bickering yet again and didn't profess their love for each other. Thanks, Chaos.) Needless to say, Chaos was punted back and Ranma was hammered into the floor with a mallet.
"Mako-chan, how could you?!" Chaos and Pesti-chan protested, going all teary-Bambi eyed on their queen goddess Senshi above all.
A rather embarrassed and blushing Makoto glanced over to Carnage. "Well, I had to get a job to pay for the damages to my apartment after that Satellite Strike. With the pay Yagumo's giving me for waiting on tables, I'll be able to pay for all my repairs within a week."
Everyone slowly turned to Carnage.
"Oh sure, blame the guy with the Dragu Slave," the half-nekkid fanboy protested.
Chaos and Pesti-chan turned their eyes back to Mako-chan, and then let their eyes balloon out as they slowly surveyed every last inch of her rather revealing outfit...which in truth didn't leave very much to the imagination for one to mentally undress.
[Fanboy's Note: I'd like to take this time out to thank Satoshi Urushihara (creator & artist for Plastic Little & Chirality) for his generous contributions to revealing fashion designs everywhere. *sigh!* Oh, did I mention: ecchi! ^-^]
Mako-chan blushed profusely at their gawking, still balancing a couple of drinks on her tray.
"And those two call me ecchi," Mayhem sighed.
"Would you guys cut it out?!" Carnage exclaimed, whacking them with his Zanba sword. "Now is not the time to be thinking about such...such...Rei, would you please remove your hands from my Gundam boxer shorts?"
"If you'll excuse me," Mako-chan said, quickly brushing past them all. "I've got to deliver this order."
"Wait, Mako-chan!" Pesti-chan said, using Chaos' head as a springboard to catch up with her.
"Ano, I'm feeling really awkward with you here, Kamui," she admitted, her cheeks still flushed.
"If it's any consolation," Pesti-chan said. "You look really kawaii in it."
Makoto's eyes brightened. "Really?"
"How dare you put the moves on *my* Mako-chan!" came the voice of Chaos from above. "Prepare for Herring-Fu, Pesti-chan!" Pesti-chan sidestepped Chaos' attack, Chaos drilling himself waist-deep in the floor.
Mako-chan sighed and delivered her drinks. She smiled shyly as she slid the glasses across the table. "Here you are, Haruka-san, Michiru-san."
Suddenly all four fanboys were stacked in tower formation on the table. "Haruka?! Michiru?!"
At that moment Havoc just happened to pass by while chasing down Setsuna's panties yet again. "Hotcha! Pu-chan Pu-chan Pu-chan Pu-chan!!!" She skidded to a stop when she reached the fanboys. "Oh, I see you've met two of my partners in the Planet Hentai ownership."
A bug-eyed Chaos and Carnage gawked at the couple.
"B-But how...?" Pesti-chan stammered.
"Remember rule 3 on his lordship Chaos' Anime list," Mayhem muttered to to his fellow overlord. "Rampant lesbianism--"
"I know, I know," Pesti-chan sighed. "It needs no excuses. Yare yare, Hentopia was never this bad. Like I'm ever going to be able to sleep at night after this."
Mayhem nodded. "Indeed. If Ami-chan's a dancer I'll be over here every night."
Pesti-chan face-vaulted. "MAYHEM!!"
Chaos warily peeked around the booth. "Ano...where's Hotaru?"
"Oh, she's not here," Michiru replied evenly, giving Chaos one of her enigmatic smiles. "It's way past her bedtime for her to be here."
"Well," Carnage remarked. "At least the author was gracious enough to let Hotaru-sama escape this Omakefic unscathed. Unlike a certain cross-dressing fanboy I know."
"DAMMIT!!" the oversized head of Chaos exclaimed. "FOR THE LAST [beep!]ING TIME I DID NOT STRIP HOTARU NEKKID, OKAY?!?!"
Pesti-chan froze as he saw Usagi and Minako, both in matching & revealing outfits, skip along between the tables with trays full of edible and tear-away underwear to enthusiastically sell to the patrons. "Aiya!" was all he could get out.
"Strange," Mayhem remarked. "With the obvious exception of Hotaru, we've seen every Sailor Senshi featured here in Planet Hentai. But I still can't find my Ami-chan."
"*Ahem*" Havoc said, pointing upwards.
Mayhem lifted his eyes to the ceiling, going into bug-eyed SD mode upon seeing the kawaii (and now disturbingly libertine) Ami-chan in a *very* tight & revealing outfit, bumping and grinding from a suspended cage. Seconds later there was a moment of awed silence as a pillar of fire erupted from the middle of Planet Hentai.
"Ara," Michiru chuckled. "I was unaware you added a pyrotechnics display to the floorshow, Havoc."
"Aw man!" Chaos groaned. "Mayhem's gone combustible again! Where's the fire extinguisher?"
"I got a pitcher of water," Pesti-chan said, dousing Mayhem. The two fanboys glanced down at the thoroughly drenched and catatonic Jusenkyo Newt.
"Ami's the only one who didn't sign up to pay off her repair bills," Havoc remarked. "She just signed up. Not to mention she's also Planet Hentai's financial manager too!"
Pesti-chan shook his head mournfully. "I just know Naoko Takeuchi's gonna hammer our asses into oblivion when she learns about this."
"Shimatta," Carnage said. "Look at who else is up there go-go dancing in those cages. Arshes Nei, Mink--"
Havoc nodded. "Chocolate and Tira Misu (no change of outfit was required for them; they just had to show up the way they normally dressed in the OVAs), there's Nuriko (hey! To each their own!), and Mihoshi (would you let *her* do anything else?), to the left is Cutey Honey (I was so devastated when her 'Honey Flash' didn't turn out to be what I thought it was), and Naga (allowed there only after pressure point manipulation had disabled her voice box!) too! Yes we have quite the cage club going here at Planet Hentai."
"We really should be getting home before Hotaru wakes up and wonders where we are," Haruka said, rising from her place in the booth.
"Honto?" Michiru inquired with a playful grin. "Or are you that anxious to play Tuxedo Haruka again?"
[Cue the facevaults!]
Haruka coughed into her fist. "Er...."
The smouldering remains of the Jusenkyo Newt was finally revived with a pan-dimesional kettle of warm water. "NA NI?!" Mayhem exclaimed, leaping to his feet. "Charon, get your ass down from that cage! She's *my* Ami-chan!!"
"Wah! Na-chan!" Minako suddenly exclaimed.
Havoc launched into SD mode as Minako hauled out the Yggdrasil jacket and started bounding over to her. "Um...okay time to finish the tour! This way!" She grappled onto Chaos and leaped over the tables. Chaos, on the other hand, was dragged through the tables. Carnage grabbed hold of Mayhem and followed after them. As for Pesti-chan....
"Ah, here we are!" Havoc said, certain she'd lost Minako back by the Spank the Senshi arcade game (the players no doubt mistaking Minako for one of the game pieces). "Now this is the club's most exclusive room: the Hentorium. Needless to say, anyone who performs here or even attend the performances certainly is not weak, mild or even ecchi of heart."
"I fear to ask who the regulars are," Mayhem said, glancing over at Ninja Mai the doorgirl, who let them pass.
"Oh, the usual performers include La Blue Girl and Megumi Amano. Hey, Guy! Amano! How's it going!" Seated near the front of the Hentorium, Guy and Amano Jyaku waved over to Havoc. Havoc motioned for the fanboys to take a seat.
The act began, featuring Megumi. And then came the naughty tentacles. Needless to say, two seconds later the frantic SD versions of Carnage, Mayhem and Chaos raced out of the Hentorium, hellbent for anywhere else but there.
Fanboys: "KYAAAAA!!! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!"
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