Chaos: "Okay, who gave that fanboy his own special?"
Mayhem: "Well, maybe he did something a little more refined than his usual antics. You never know."
Pesti: "Havoc? Refinement? I don't think so, Mayhem."
Anarchy: "If Havoc ever lost his hentai edge, we'd lose half our readers. It's a screwed-both-ways situation."
Pesti: "Do we really have to stay here and give our comments throughout this Fanboys! hentai special?"
Mayhem: "It's in our fanfic contracts. The central characters have to be there for every last Fanboys! fanfic, special or otherwise."
Chaos: "Hang on, I managed to grab a part of his storyline for our intro. Let's see: 'Lord Havoc presents...A Sailor Moon Musical Hentai Fantasy'?! What the hell is this?!"
Pesti: "A *musical* hentai fantasy?!"
Chaos: "More like a symphony of nightmares."
Mayhem: "It's about as musical as the Rocky Horror Picture Show. This should be good!"
Chaos: "Don't make me hurt you, Mayhem."
Mayhem: [singing] "Let's do the Time Warp again!"
Chaos & Pesti: "HUSH, NEWT-BOY!!!"
Anarchy: "That's it! I'm leaving! I'm not about to promote something that pervert does unless it includes the rather painful and fatal smiting of Lord Havoc."
Chaos: [parusing the contracts] "Hey! How come Anarchy can get out of this, but we're contractually obligated to stay around this until the end?"
Anarchy: [grin] "I guess we all know who the author fears the most."
[Cue the opening title!]
Mayhem: "It's heeeeeeeeere."
Chaos: "KYAAAAA!!!!! Avert your virgin eyes!"
In the beginning, there was nothing.
And then there was Doji.
And it was good.
Chaos: "We're gonna get fried for this. Already I can see this Fanboys! special's going downhill from here."
Pesti: "Personally I think we started in fanfic hell's subbasement and are now trying to dig lower."
Mayhem: [holds up a shovel.] "Shovel?"
Chaos: "Give me thaaaaaaaaat!!"
Yet as the world grew older and not necessarily more wiser, the people lost their way of the hentai and became docile. They started to wear clothes instead of the sacred tear-away lingerie they once held so dear.
Chaos: "And that's a *bad* thing?"
Mayhem: "Depends on the Anime babe you're with. If it's Naga, it's a good thing. If it's Ami-chan, then--"
Pesti: "Arigato, Mayhem; we get the idea."
In a time of destructive mecha, supernatural beings and magical girls, an otaku world in turmoil cried out for a hero. And then there he was, appearing like a lone roving warrior's silhouette, a long black cloak fluttering behind him.
Chaos: "Man, the people of this realm are going to be reeeeal disappointed."
He was Havoc, a mighty lord of Mass Destruction who had kept the ethics of the ecchi through years of training. After establishing a new reign of hentai in the city of Tokyo, he left in search of other worlds to help them rediscover their long forgotten perversions.
Pesti: "This is another note from your tour guide: we're now in fanfic hell's 15th sub-basement and drilling deeper as we speak."
Chaos: "Why do I strongly suspect that in actuality, Havoc grabbed the remote control of the gods and then accidentally clicked himself into these worlds."
Mayhem: "Havoc? An accidental clicking? Surely thou jests, Chaos."
Having left the realms of El-Hazard, leaving the princess and her lover to rule there--
Pesti: "Hm, that doesn't sound so hentai to me."
Chaos: "You haven't seen the series, have you?"
Mayhem: "Pesti-chan, the princess' lover is female too."
It was another world he walked into finally after miles upon miles of wandering and travelling. When he finally arrived, it was in a shaft of light to usher in his presence. Ripples of wind flowed across the peaceful city and surrounding landscape.
Chaos: "Hey, he's been screwing around the tracking!"
Mayhem: "If he breaks the remote control of the gods, there'll be a lot of angry fans out there who still want to see it get used."
As he appeared, Lord Havoc looked around. He shifted his weight beneath the rippling folds of long, black cloak draped all around him. Yes, this was the reason he had begun his quest.
Here floating in the skies, totally hidden from the prying eyes of the human world was a beautiful realm full of life, love and young women. Before there had been no males to ever step foot in this place until he had arrived. It was untouched by all other ecchi wanna-be's. Here panty shots and kawaii bodies were the norm, and skimpy, easy to tear away fantasy gowns were forever worn.
"After all these years," Lord Havoc said. "I have found it. Finally I have reached the Shangri-La of the hentai fanboys."
It was the Megami Paradise.
Chaos: "IYAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! NOT MEGAMI PARADISE!!!!!!!!"
Pesti: "The last refuge of Anime babes from his perversions has fallen. We must pause for a moment of silence."
Mayhem: "I wonder if he can introduce me to Stasia?"
Chaos & Pesti: "MAYHEM!!!!"
Mayhem: "Well, it doesn't hurt to ask now, does it? We have to think practical here."
Chaos & Pesti: "....."
Lord Havoc started his fateful walk into the city, where the goddesses resided in peace and tranquillity. Yet the sprawled-out utopia was still in the distance when he encountered someone else. She was a young goddess, dressed in a catchy red & white blouse ensemble, with a very low-cut skirt, brown hair and the brightest deep blue eyes he had ever seen.
She paused, her eyes widened upon seeing him. "Who...who are you?" she asked quietly.
Havoc stood before her. "Greetings," he said, blowing slightly. "I have been waiting for you, Lilith."
"How do you know my name?" Lilith asked.
Havoc reached out and touched her hand. "You're trembling. Do you find my presence that powerful?"
Lilith blushed. "H-hai."
He pulled her in closer, until her bosoms were pressed against his long black robes. "Through many hardships, countless puntings through ceilings, and an endless quest for the ultimate panty collection I have come here. I am the one, the only, Hentai-sama."
Chaos: "You get the feeling Havoc's kinda over exaggerating how sexy he is? This time he really is too sexy for this fanfic."
Pesti: "Usually he just leaps through the air and tears off their panties."
Mayhem: "It's a self-gratification tale for Havoc. Of course it's going to be nowhere near the truth!"
And with that he stepped back and grasped a handful of the cloak at his shoulder. With an elegant, fluid motion, Havoc tore off the cloak from his body to reveal his DOJI BOY sweater. As the cloak was flung into the air a large rainfall of panties erupted.
Lilith stared at all the floating panties. "S-sugoi!"
Havoc pulled back one of his sleeves and then with a quick slight of hand produced Lilith's panties in his palm. "Take me to the Mamamega."
And so he was led by Lilith into the city of the goddesses. All the young ladies stopped to give attention to him, not a single one realising their panties were missing until it was too late and Havoc had disappeared around the corner.
Chaos: "*Now* this is starting to sound like the Havoc we know and loathe."
Pesti: "Regrettably, yes."
"He's come, just as it was prophecized!" the goddesses exclaimed, the crowd gathering behind Havoc's procession. "Our master has finally arrived!"
Chaos & Pesti: o_O
Mayhem: "Now that's what I call my kind of disappointment!"
Chaos: "They've mistaken Havoc for someone else! No good can come of this, Pesti-chan."
Mayhem: "Ten thousand yen says Havoc actually just toppled into the Mamamega's throne room first and that's how they mistook him."
Havoc entered the Mamamega's throne room, the goddesses all forming rows along the walls.
The Mamamega knelt down in front of Havoc. "Long ago it was prophecized that a wise master would come from the human world far below to lead us into a new era. We shall serve you now, and your every request will be our wish to fulfil."
Chaos: "Talk about your truly fatal mistakes."
Pesti: "Is this special a comedy or a tragedy? I can't quite tell."
And thus Havoc was proclaimed the new ruler and Emperor of the Megami Paradise. His first act turned out to be a swift check of all his subjects, top and bottom. And as all lofty rulers who take great care in their kingdoms, Havoc personally made sure every goddess at his disposal was in tip-top shape.
With all his maidens' measurements accounted for, and the new official tar-away lingerie uniforms were instated, Havoc was ready for the coronation ceremony. Havoc stood atop the throne, waving his sceptre.
Chaos: "If they so much as even *hint* to what it looks like...!"
Mayhem: "I don't think anyone's imaginations would have worked like that until you said something, Chaos. Ecchi."
Chaos: "I AM NOT A PERVERT!!"
Pesti: "Then could you explain what you're still doing in that dress?"
Chaos: "But it matches so well with my blouse!"
Lilith slowly walked up the stairs to approach Lord Havoc, blushing at his leering grin and Chichiri-like expression. She glanced down at the Royal Thong that would be strapped over his face as a sign of his royal title. She paused at the top of the stairs, kneeling down and presenting Havoc with the Royal Thong.
"I now declare myself ruler of this realm!" Havoc proclaimed. "Now people like me who are scorned for their panty pilfering, their bra boosting, and their gender switches can live in peace and debauchery. Here those with disorders like "echiitis", "skimeosis" and "hentaiasis" shall be welcomed with guest cameos. From this glorious day onwards, I shall be called Lord Hentenno, emperor of the kingdom of Hentopia!"
Mayhem: "Ah, the wet dream of many hentaific writers has finally been realised. I wonder if Oscar will become the official whipping boy of the palace?"
Chaos: "Mayhem, you're not helping us here."
Pesti: "Shimatta! This is even worse than your 'An American Werewolf in Crystal Tokyo' fanfic, Chaos!"
Chaos: "Hey, what was so wrong with that?! This is the more frightening of the two!"
Mayhem: "That's not the half of it, Chaos. Think about it: we're starting to get loyal fans who are doing their own spoof tales of the fanboy escapades."
Pesti: "Dear god, no! You don't mean?!"
Mayhem: "Hai! We could wind up looking at a Tales of Hentopia series spinoff!"
Chaos & Pesti: "KYAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Suddenly a loud shout echoed across the grand hall, interrupting the ceremony: "Stop that right there! That thong should be strapped to my face!"
Havoc cackled Nagaesquely from his naughty tentacle throne. "And who is this to challenge to Lord of all Perversions? By what basis do you make this claim?"
Pesti: [cleaning ears] "As if his perversions weren't bad enough, now he's doing the Naga cackles too."
Chaos: "He must be stopped immediately!...Um, somehow."
Abruptly Lilith jumped, nearly losing the Royal Thong. "Um, Hentenno-sama," she asked, a little embarrassed. "Why is it so draughty all of a sudden?"
A sudden gust of wind from the wind machines Havoc had installed in the corners of the grand hall blew up all the goddess' skirts, revealing that their panties had been stolen!
Chaos: "I had no *idea* that would happen! I just did not see that coming!"
Mayhem: "Your sarcasm is dully noted, Chaos."
Havoc stiffened, searching for perhaps one of his goddess servants having been spared. But every one of them were no pantiless.
"W-was that you, Hentenno-sama?" Lilith asked.
"I didn't do it," Havoc replied, glancing around the hall. "That was a pleasure I was reserving for tonight. Who would dare deprive me of that?"
"Looking for these?" that same female voice taunted.
All the worshipping goddesses turned around as the front doors were thrown open to reveal a young, bouncy kawaii girl in a rather revealing black & blue bodysuit. She carried a large Space Sword slung over her shoulder as she ran a hand through her wild, sandy-blonde hair.
"Juliana-sama!" Lilith exclaimed.
Chaos: "Hey, wait a minute! Why are they calling her Sword Mistress Julianna?! That profile's describing Haruka, aka Sailor Uranus. She wasn't in Megamai Paradise!"
[Mayhem consults the sieyuu list]
Mayhem: "Nope, but her voice actress was. She did the voice for both Sword Mistress Julianna, and Sailor Uranus too!"
Havoc went super deformed the second he saw Julianna. "You!" he exclaimed. "What in the hell are you doing here, Red Queen?"
Julianna did a Naga cackle of her own, holding up a sack of purloined goddess panties. "Ah, so you do remember me from Wonderland after all, Havoc-chan. I missed having you call me the queen as payback for the uniforms of all my card maidens you stole."
With a snap of her fingers, Julianna's bodysuit transformed into the leather & spikes dominatrix outfit worn by the S&M Red Queen from Clamp's Wonderland.
Chaos: "KYAAAAAAAAA!!!! It's Wonderland's S&M Red Queen! She's found her way from her hentai realm into Havoc's!"
Pesti: o_O "[Groan!] Oh no. Anything but this!"
Mayhem: "Suddenly the presence of Haruka makes perfect sense. But why is it that whenever something twisted and perverted appears, so does she?"
Chaos: "Shimatta, Beans is going to kill me for doing this to Haruka, her favourite Senshi--even when it wasn't my fault!!"
Mayhem: "Technically this isn't actually Haruka. This is a twisted version of her that really only happens to bare a physical resemblance to Haruka."
Chaos: "Do you think Beans will care?"
The Red Queen struck a sexy pose. "I am your challenger to that throne, Havoc. The Royal Thong belongs to me." She pulled out her whip and gave it a tug. "You're yesterday's hentai, Havoc! Just step down, and--hey...why is it suddenly so draughty in here?"
"Looking for this?" Havoc inquired, twirling the Red Queen's leather panties on his finger. "You claim to be the S&M Mistress of perverts, but what kind of hentai wears underwear? Go back to your little card maidens and skateboarding bunny girls, Red Queen. You bother me."
"NO!!" the Red Queen shouted, storming towards Havoc. "I am the rightful ruler of Hentopia! You and all these goddesses will spread yourselves before me and acknowledge me as your Master and Mistress: Skimehime-chan!"
Mayhem: "Actually, it's kinda fitting when you think about it."
Chaos: "Just whose side are you on here, Mayhem?!"
Pesti: [Sigh!] "Your tour guide here again: fanfic hell's 345th sub-basement and now dynamiting lower."
Havoc curiously raised an eyebrow. "That won't work here, Red Queen, or Skimehime-chan if you want to be called that. You have to prove yourself to claim the title of Hentenno."
The Red Queen smiled darkly. "If you insist. I'll have you calling me the Queen before nightfall."
Havoc grabbed hold of the thong, holding it high in the air, and all the goddesses gasped at its hentai power. "You are not worthy to wear this! This sacred thong has been on every Anime babe known to mankind, from Akane Tendo to Devil Hunter Yohko!"
Chaos: "A to Y? What about Z?"
Mayhem: "Chaos, do you know any Anime babe whose name starts with a Z?"
Chaos: "Like I want to reveal their existence to Havoc!"
Skimehime-chan marched up the stairs, staring Havoc right in the face. Well, almost right in the face; Havoc stepped back to make sure he wasn't impaled on her bra spikes.
"I want the Thong!"
"The Thong?" Havoc exclaimed. "The Thong? You can't handle the Thong! Bah, I deride your Thong-wearing abilities."
"Tell you what, though," Havoc said. "I'll play you for it."
The goddesses gasped.
"Hentenno-sama, no!" Lilith exclaimed, grabbing hold of his wrist. "What if you don't make it back to us?"
"Daijobu," Havoc answered, drawing he closer and copping another feel off her. "I am Hentenno, after all. I always come back alive."
Chaos: "Regrettably, we've noticed."
Pesti: "I'm telling you, we should’ve let Dark Schnieder waste him when we had the chance."
"A challenge then is it?" Skimehime-chan inquired with a smile. "I like. Indulge me."
Havoc nodded. "I present: the Ultimate Hentai Championship! It's only fitting that the most perverse rule. The cream spurts to the top, to quote Darwin."
Pesti: [grips pan-dimensional mallet.] "You know, I'm not a violent fanboy, but I really do think I'm going to have to kill somebody here."
"Darwin didn't say that!" Skimehime-chan exclaimed.
"Were you there?" Havoc shot back. "Enough! Let the perversions begin!"
And so the UHC began with it's first competition: panty-thieving.
Chaos: "That's it! I can't go on! Where's that damned remote control of the gods?!"
Pesti: [shows remote] "You mean this?"
Chaos: "Thank you. Pesti-chan, prepare to fast-forward!"
Pesti: "Preparing to fast-forward."
Pesti: "Fast-forwarding, Chaos."
Chaos: "Stop here. Maybe it's the end."
Skimehime-chan glared at Hentenno as she hopped down, tie up in a bunch of kinky knots from bra and panty-fashioned ropes. "Hey, that's cheating!"
Hentenno laughed. "All's fair in love and hentai. Especially hentai. Okay, so I win the panty-theft competition. The next competition is: Most Innocent Girls Violated in an Hour!!"
Mayhem: "Ye-owzah! You can hit the remote anytime now!"
Chaos: "KYAAAAA! FAST-FORWARD AGAIN PESTI-CHAN!!!!"
Pesti: "Fast-forwarding again!"
Mayhem: "Must go faster, must go faster."
Pesti: "I'm trying! I'm trying!"
[Fast forwarding again!]
Havoc panted, exhausted and out of breath as he collapsed to his knees while Skimehime-chan cackled. Havoc slowly got up and laughed. "It would appear I underestimated you, Skimehime-chan. After all, in Anime it does seem to be easier for females to seduce the innocent females than for the males to seduce the innocent females."
Chaos: "If either one of them went after my Mako-chan...!"
Pesti: "*Your* Mako-chan?!"
Mayhem: "If he touched Ami-chan, not even Rei Rei will save him from the fury of Dark Schnieder’s Halloween."
"Next competition!" Skimehime-chan proclaimed. "The Most Innovative Use of a Naughty Tentacle!!"
Chaos: [slaps hands over Pesti-chan's eyes] "Aya!"
Mayhem: "Okay, that was more than even *I* wanted to see."
Chaos: ^o^ "Pesti-chan, the remote!"
Pesti: "I can't see what button to push, you moron!"
Chaos: "JUST PUSH SOMETHING!!"
[Suddenly the batteries drop out of the remote!]
Mayhem: "No good can come of this."
Chaos: "Don't just stand there! Stick them back into the remote!"
Pesti: "I got it!"
Hentenno and Skimehime-chan both were belting out yet another song from the Doji Karaoke competition at the top of their lungs.
Pesti: "What is that song anyways?"
Mayhem: "Why, it's Aeka's special song where she sings about how on her honeymoon she'll introduce her new groom to the sacred marital rituals of Jurian S&M techniques!"
Pesti: "A song like that actually exists?!"
Chaos: "Hai. [Sigh!] Mayhem has it in his collection."
Pesti: "Mayhem, you ecchi! That's it! I'm going to try to reach the end of this hentai fanfic special!"
Suddenly the Mamamega raced onto the stage, looking from Havoc to Skimehime-chan. "The Astrostar!" she cried out. "In just a few hours it's totally purified form has turned into a vortex of darkness and evil. The Megami Paradise will be destroyed!"
And then the Astrostar exploded, the entire paradise shattering and ripping itself apart at the seams. Goddesses screamed and fled in terror as Havoc & Skimehime-chan raced to steal as many panties as possible. Megami Paradise was then lost in a fantastic eruption of dark light, followed by a shockwave the reduced everything to rubble.
Mayhem: "This Fanboys! special should have been called Megami Paradise Lost."
Chaos & Pesti: "Oh, the humanity!"
As the dark stormclouds rumbled across the waste-laden land, there appeared his lordship Havoc (formerly his lordship Hentenno). He glanced down at a piece of cement rubble and decided to commemorate the event with a hentai haiku.
"Sugoi," Skimehime-chan remarked, emerging unscathed. She dusted off her dirty S&M leather dominatrix get-up. "We really did a number on the joint."
"Hey, hentai happens," Havoc replied. "I guess the Astrostar just couldn't take it when two Hentai-sama's were in the same realm. Of course, this wouldn't have happened if you had just decided to stick to your perverted realm and not try to conquer mine!"
Skimehime-chan cracked her whip. "You're blaming me? All you had to do was call me the Queen and lick my boots!"
Havoc stuck out his tongue. "Why would I do something like that!" Suddenly he stuck his hand inside his DOJI BOY sweater and pulled out--
Chaos: "A bra?"
Mayhem: "A filed restraining order telling both of those two perverts to stay 100 feet away from our Fanboys! fanfics?"
Just then, the dark storm clouds parted to reveal the dragon pinkish sun set. And then the sun fell beneath the devastated horizon. Havoc cackled as he did the Maze transformation and became a she. Skimehime-chan recoiled as female Havoc pulled out from her DOJI BOY sweater Skimihime-chan's panties!
"HOH OHO OH HO HO HO HO OH!!!!" Havoc laughed, bounding off into the distance. "I am the Hentai Queen! I can steal anything!"
"Come back here, you pervert!" Skimehime-chan shouted after her, the Red Queen taking out her whip. "By the time I'm through with you, there will be nothing left for those other fanboys to punt through a ceiling!"
Chaos: "Um...is that it? I've got my eyes still closed."
Pesti: "Hey, I think that's the end of the fanfic hentai special!"
[Cue the Hallelujah chorus!]
Chaos: "We made it! We made it!"
Mayhem: "So, anyone want to play with the La Blue Girl tama-echi?"
Chaos: [recoil!] "Erk!"
Pesti: "Can we just get the hell out of here right now? This fic still gives me the creeps."
Chaos: "But first we swear here and now that Havoc shall never get his own fanfic again!"
[Exit the Fanboys!]
**Fanboy's Final Note: I'm not really certain how much I want to thank his lordship Havoc for creating such a demented idea and giving it to me to work on. But Havoc assures me he's got other fanfics in the works too.
Be afraid. Be very VERY afraid.
Once again I'd like to thank a bunch of friends, fanboys & fangirls alike for helping and supporting the series. First and foremost, I'm hoping and praying that if any manga or Anime artist out there (primarily Naoko Takeuchi) discovers the fanboys, they'll laugh instead of hurt me. These fanfics wouldn't have been possible if they hadn't given me something to spook first.
Thanks goes out to Lords Mayhem, Havoc and Pesti-chan for putting up with my rants and giving me more ideas than I really needed. But we're reaching F5 of the series, which is a major turning point.
"Domo arigato gozaimasu" is in order to Beans for putting up with Chaos period. In the end I can't help but wonder if you'll just give the lake god away to Chaos so he'll leave you alone (and you simply wait for the lake god to smite him for good).
And flattered thanks to Famine, Sailor Star Polaris, and Lord Charon for giving me some new fanfics of my fanfic series. Of course you all realise this means we've started something that might result in a Fanboyish Revolution Chaos.
Until Curse of the Fanboys 5: Those Who Hunt Fanboys!!!, this is his lordship Chaos saying--
KYAAAAAAAAAA!!!! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!
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