That moment in the limelight...or was it the lemonlight?
[Cue Desolation in the streets of downtown Tokyo!]
Desolation: [teary Bambi eyes!] "ARRRRRGH!!! I've barely ever been able to appear in the fanfic series!!!"
[An irate li'l SD Desolation races around the city!]
Desolation: "BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAAAAAKAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
[Cue Desolation somewhere in the castle of Cagliostro!]
Desolation: "What's the meaning of the author not letting me in on the series?! Why is it that I always barely even have a cameo role in this series when I'm the idol of high-school Anime girls everywhere? HOWEVER--!!"
[Cue Desolation on the stage with the Idol Defense Force Hummingbird idol singers...but fortunately not wearing one of their dresses.]
Desolation: "I will not give up!! This time I will prove my status and power as a lord of Mass Destruction. And then I will become the greatest fanboy in all the world!!"
[Cue the offstage cheers and party-poppers...though we're uncertain if they're for Desolation or the Hummingbird idol singers.]
Havoc: "Hotcha! That's the way to go, Desolation!!"
Desolation: o.O "Na ni?"[Cue the tidal wave of whipped cream!]
Havoc: [surfing the tidal wave & holding a bowl of Jello in one hand!] "Hey, Desolation! How's it hangin'?"
Desolation: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
,em>[Cue the Omakefic!]
Slowly they made their way through the jungle forests. Their fearless and intrepid leader
following a tattered map as his guide to incredible fortunes. Danger was around every corner,
death lurked behind every leaf. Yes, this was by far the most ambitious treasure he was
seeking--not to mention that he could sense his arch-rival close by. He would have to move fast if
he wanted to reach the artifact first.
And move fast he certainly did:Indiana Chaos: "KYAAAAAAA!!! INCOMING GENTLE UTERUS!!!!!"
And with that our author can only hope that Spielburg and Lucas don't blow down his door, steal his kawaii all-female writing assistant team for themselves, and then beat the author senseless with numerous umbrellas. Look out Harrison Ford because here he comes--
Indiana Chaos: "KYAAAAAAAA!!!! MUST GO FASTER!!! MUST GO FASTER!!!"
And there he goes.
Anyhoo, after dodging the falling Gentle Uteruses invoked by a certain *Star* Sailor Polaris, our hero (baka?) Indiana Chaos picked himself up out of the crater and continued through the jungle. Dusting off his leather jacket and fedora hat, Indiana Chaos glanced back at his trusty guide.
Seconds later he facevaulted right into a tree. "Oh for the love of...! Desolation, you idiot, I'm over here!"
Wandering aimlessly through the trees, the lost fanboy Desolation tried to dodge not only a plague of oversized purple question marks but also his internal compass. Fortunately Chaos had a long string tied around Desolation's waist so it took only a few good yanks before the yelping fanboy crashed headlong into to him.
Indiana Chaos: o.O "This might hurt."
"Itaiiii! And what's with the fedora and leather jacket anyways?" Desolation asked, gently rubbing his oversized bump on the head. "Do you actually know how to use a bullwhip, Chaos?"
"Of course!" Chaos exclaimed. "I had enough practice with my Yo-Yo Hakusho, so this should be a piece of my Mako-chan's strawberry cake!"
"*WHOSE* Mako-chan?!" came the thunderous soundwave of Pesti-chan through the trees, catapulting Chaos and Desolation another few feet into the jungle.
"You guys had another Lupin III marathon last night to inspire this latest deranged adventure, didn't you?" Desolation sighed. "And I missed it! I just came in time for the end credits."
"Desolation," Chaos said, adjusting his fedora. "You got blown through the balcony window thanks to you walking in on Lime, Cherry and Bloodberry battling Faust's Sabre dolls. It had taken us a whole week to scrounge up enough money to repair that when Carnage nuked it in his Satellite Strike! Fortunately, though, you were able to then give me this map to find my treasure, so I forgive you."
Indiana Chaos consulted the trusty map...staring blankly at it while at the same time whacking sweatdrops left and right. The map was quite a kawaii, tattered map, with this big mountain in the upper right corner, a river in the bottom left corner, and somewhere near the middle was this kawaii li'l sketch of a cave labelled "It's somewhere around here".
He handed it over to the lost fanboy. "Desolation, translate please."
Desolation's eyebrow twitched as he surveyed the map.
Desolation: "Na ni? Who made this map? It's horrible!"
Chaos: --;; "Ano...you did."
Desolation: [nervous laughter!] "Aha haaaaa...hai!"
Indiana Chaos groaned. "I can't believe I have to have *you* for a guide in order to find it. You can't even find your way out of a shower stall, Desolation!"
"Hey!" Desolation protested. "I find my way out of a shower stall...sometimes...on occassion. Though that last time I got out was due to Miz Mishtal getting a little pissed off at Fujisawa for stiffing her at the alter in El Hazard."
Chaos eyebrow twitched. "What?"
"All I asked for was a little more water in the bathhouse," Desolation lamented. "But noooo! I had to get more water *and* a big mother water dragon too. And it hurt...a lot. And just where the hell am I now?!"
Indiana Chaos smacked Desolation upside the back of the head. "Whaddaya mean ya don't know where we are?! You're the one who led us here!!"
"Gomen," Desolation sighed, rubbing the reoccuring swollen bump popping out from his hair. "Force of habit in writing my postcards."
"I'm just impressed you can do it while in traction."
Desolation sighed. "Well, that Nurse Ling Ling's been great company. Kawaii!!"
And so with a song of Moonlight Denketsu in their hearts, a twinkle in their Bambi eyes and absolutely no clue between them as to where the hell they were going, our two intrepid adventurers continued to cut through the jungle. Off they went to explore the wonders of the hidden worlds, like Maison Ikkoku...the Spooner Continent...the planet Saiyan...and any other places you can think of other than the actual destination the two fanboys were supposed to go.
One week later....
Desolation: [consulting a sign] "Jusenkyo?! I'm getting deja vu flash here."
Indiana Chaos: "KYAAA!! No, Desolation! Not the spring of drowned ChibiChibi!"
Well in a desperate act to get the plot moving, our author graciously paid the two fanboys airplane tickets to fly them back to the jungles and promptly booted them out of the plane just as they were over the hidden cave entrance.
Desolation: [free-falling!] "You'd think he'd at least have given us parachutes when he punted us from the plane."
Indiana Chaos: "Daijobu! I've got a life-raft here somewhere!"
[Chaos pulls out a kawaii li'l EVA 02 inner tube!]
Indiana Chaos & Desolation: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"
Fortunately their abrupt fall was nicely cushioned by something we all call 'the ground'!
"Would this ever happen to Harrison Ford?" Desolation muttered, dusting himself off. "Would he ever find himself on an After Colony right when Quatre nukes it with the Zero Gundam? No, but Desolation can!"
"Yes! This must be the place," Indiana Chaos said, glancing over at the big neon sign flashing 'Hidden Cave Entrance'. "What luck: we made it during business hours. Ooooh! And they even have cable TV too!"
Desolation: "Think we might be able to catch some Plastic Little while we're in there?"
Desolation: "What? The only chance I ever got to see of it was that split second before Tita ran me over with her motorbike--and then Guizel's troops stomped all over me! I spent the rest of that OAV in traction!"
Indiana Chaos stared up at the ominous entrance, raising an eyebrow. There was the faint whistling of the air from the tunnels within. Who knew how many fiendish traps had been set within? Who knew how many other hapless souls had gone in never to come back?
Yet he would succeed, for he was Indiana--!
"Shouldn't you get a bag of sand or something to act as a counter-weight for when you take the treasure?" Desolation asked.
Chaos facevaulted, his dramatic muse ruined. "Aw, since when would we need something as practical as that?" he scoffed. "I know what I'm doing!"
"Ano, didn't you say the same thing when you wrote that Final Fantasy Island VII Chaosfic of yours?" Desolation asked. "You know, the one that had everyone in Club Anipike howling in laughter for one whole hour at how ridiculous--?"
And so the two fanboys entered the cave, ready to face the dangers. Chaos gestured to Desolation. "You first, I insist."
"No, after you," Desolation replied. "Women and dragqueens first."
Chaos smiled. "Alright then! Women and--HEY!!"
Not three steps in they met with their first deathtrap to foil. Well, they couldn't exactly foil it becuase they had all run out of aluminum foil so the next best thing they could do would be to seran wrap it. But really who needs a seran-wrap trap, ne? Ah, but the author rants!
Chaos paused upon seeing an enormous cobweb going from wall to wall to floor to ceiling. No tarantulas were in sight, but Indiana Chaos knew they were lurking somewhere.
Both fanboys looked at each other. "Umbrellas," they chorused.
Unfortunately as it turned out all the oversized tarantulas had crawled into their umbrellas to escape the rather cool drafts from the cave. Needless to say Chaos and Desolation freaked when there was a downpour of hairy eight-legged arachnids.
"KYAAAAAAAA!!!! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!" the two frantic SD fanboys shrieked. Chaos also had to find a way to help Desolation, who had managed to somehow get himself lost on the ceiling of the cave.
Anyhoo, Indiana Chaos started down the tunnel. At the end of this laid his treasure. Taking slow, cautious steps, he walked down the long floor. He could feel the beads of sweat sliding down his face, collecting on his shirt collar. All his muscles were tensed, ready for split-second reactions to any possible danger. He was poised for anything, cautious and wary.
"KYAAAAAAAAAA!!!" A frantic SD Indiana Chaos jumped into Desolation's arms, every nerve ending his body became instantly frayed. "Don't sneak up on me like that!!" Chaos exclaimed.
Desolation rolled his eyes and unceremoniously dropped Chaos to the ground. "Baka."
The stone floor in front of them was now abruptly covered in a small layer of leaves, and continued like that for the rest of the cave. Beyond that laid a large doorway.
"No good can come of this plot device," Desolation muttered. He held his parasol over the leaves, ready to sift through for a trap. He gently set down the umbrella. Nothing happened.
"See, Desolation," Chaos piped up. "I don't think we have to worry here!"
Desolation sweatdropped. "Ano...recall what's down that corridor, Chaos."
"Aw," Chaos replied. "I'm telling you that I see there's nothing to worry about here. I'll show you." Before Desolation could react, Indiana Chaos started walking down the floor, crunching the leaves.
Desolation groaned. "Why do I have to be the one to bring his broken body and explain it to Hotaru before she Death Reborn Revolutions me...provided I find her?"
Just then Chaos reached the end. He walked off the leaves, and posed. "See Desolation, there is nothing to worry about. Well, come on!"
Desolation was now forced to duck a cloud of pesky sweatdrops. "This is *me* we're talking about, the fanboy dubbed with the 'unlucky bastard' title."
"Live a little, Desolation!"
"The exact words spoken moments before I walked onto the Valkyrie landing strip," Desolation sighed, taking a step onto the leaves and closing his eyes. Nothing. He opened one eye, expecting something to happen. And then came the sight of relief. "Yes! A Fanboys! event in where I don't get smited!"
"See Desolation?" Chaos said, giving the V-sign. "I told you so. Has his lordship Chaos ever been wrong before?"
Desolation sheathed his parasol and took another step. Something clicked, and suddenly a long thick spear exploded out of the wall, just missing the front of the fanboy's head. Desolation turned back, taking another step. Another spear flew out of the wall, blocking his escape. Desolation turned back to Chaos and dove under the initial spear. As his frantic li'l SD self raced across the ground, countless spears soared through the air, ceiling and floor.
And in an interesting version Cutey Honey, Desolation proceeded to "flash" Chaos as his clothes were systematically shredded by the spearheads. Finally, he leaped off of the leave floor, landing in a heap, exhausted, practically nekkid and startled to say the least. Desolation glared at Chaos, who shrugged his shoulders in apology.
Chaos: ^-^ "Um...oops?"
Desolation: [eyebrow twitch!] "I knew this fic was too good to be true for me."
As the fanboys trudged on, they came to another odd part of the tunnel. Chaos stared at the suddenly smooth floor that stretched out before then, then looked down where the individual rocks gave way to the smooth rock.
Chaos smiled at Desolation, who was still changing his clothes. "You can go first this time."
"You're so kind," a less than impressed Desolation replied. "But I insist, ladies and dragqueens first."
"Hai hai," Chaos said, stepping forward. "Alright then, ladies and--HEY!! That's the second time you used that crack!"
"It's the second time you fell for it too," Desolation replied, glancing around. "Ano...where are you, Chaos? Chaos?"
"I'm right behind you," Chaos said, sweatdropping. "Turn around, you dolt!"
And so to get the plot moving once more Chaos decided to venture forward in the naive assumption that as being the hero of this particular fic he would survive and emerge unscathed.
[Fanboy's Note: ^-^ Tee hee! Baka baka.]
Chaos: o.O "I really don't think that's a good kind of laugh from the author."
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