Indiana Chaos started down the tunnel. He stopped midway, and leaned on one of the
vines reaching out of the wall. "I don't see anything that could say this was a boobytrap. I don't
fall too easily for such traps!"
"Coming!" Desolation said, jogging over to Chaos. "I guess we lucked out this
time..unlike last month when I was attacked by that girl with living snake tatoo during my romp
through Ninja Scroll. All I wanted was a peaceful bath in the hotspring...."
Chaos glanced down at the floor. "Aiya! Someone dropped a one hundred yen piece on
He reached down and picked up the coin. Suddenly, the floor gave way as the rock split
apart and fell to the sides of the wall, revealing a secret room far below that was crawling in
hordes of ChibiChibi clones!! Fortunately because both fanboys were frantically waving their li'l
SD arms around so much, they were actually able to fly out of the hole and grapple onto the trap
Weeeeell, Chaos did at least. Desolation, on the other hand, wound up with the parasol
still stuck in his backpak coming open and the cave's draft carrying the lost fanboy further down
Chaos: [na ni?] "Desolation, where the hell are you going at a time like this?!"
Desolation: [come fly, come fly away!] "I wish I knew! I'll send you a postcard when I
And so Indiana Chaos was left dangling over a pit of snakes with absolutely no idea how
to prevent himself from suffering a horrid fate of dropping into a mass of ChibiChibi clones whose
killer kawaiiness would cause his eyeballs to explode, his intestines to melt, his teeth to fall out,
Chaos: "Thank you, but I think I've got the point already!!"
Anyhoo, by a sheer stroke of luck all the change from Indiana Chaos' pockets managed to
fall out and roll down the trap doors. And it just so happened that a 100 yen coin fell right back
into the spot which had first triggered to doors to open.
Chaos sighed in relief as the two trap doors began to raise, carrying Chaos on top of them.
The two doors closed, leaving an SD Indiana Chaos laying in the middle gasping for air and trying
to figure out why those mushroom-shaped clouds were coming out of his mouth. Perhaps he
should have tried a Tic Tac, but that's not really essential to the story, is it?
"No problem," Chaos said and began to get up. He abruptly stopped as a sickening rip
filled the air. Trying to remain cool, he looked down. One of his pant legs had been caught
between the closing doors and when he had stood up, the fabric had ripped in half displaying to
the world his--
[Fanboys' Note: lacy green panties, Chaos?]
Chaos: --;; "Do you mind?! Ecchi!"
"Well," Indiana Chaos remarked, taking out his henshin stick. "Lucky for me I've got a
spare set of clothes. Fanboy Planet Power: Make Up!!"
Seconds later the hero changed not only clothes but genders as well. And believe the
author; it's rather...unique...to see a female Indiana Chaos complete with a Senshi's fuku, leather
jacket, fedora and bullwhip.
"There we go," Chaos said, adjusting his--er, her skirt. "Now then, to the treasure!!"
And with that a li'l SD Chaos tore through the remainder of the tunnel and suddenly found
him--er, herself inside an enormous chamber. The room was a semi-circle, with large statues all
around the walls, and the artifact on a round pedestal in the centre.
Indiana Chaos walked around the large towering pillars placed all around the area, and
stopped in front of the much sought-after item laying upon the stone pedestal. He had risked life,
limb and lingerie for this.
There it was: the lake god in the aquarium.
"Yes!" he exclaimed, staring at the lazy piranhas drifting about in the waters. "You
thought you could hide this forever from me, Beans, but Indiana Chaos shall prevail always! After
all, I am the star of this series!"
He drew closer, a dumb grin on his face growing bigger as he started to drool over the
lake god. An ominous burble rippled through the water.
"Closer," he muttered to himself. "Closer...closer....!"
Indiana Chaos went bug-eyed and blinked in stunned disbelief as Desolation, still flying
out of control with his parasol. Desolation soared right past Chaos and wound up grabbing the
aquarium as he frantically waved his arms for help.
Chaos: [blink blink!] "Ano...that was *my* lake god you kidnapped before I could rightfully
steal it, Desolation!"
He paused as a small postcard drifted down onto the pedestal, Desolation still freaking out
as he ricocheted off the walls like a pinball.
"'Dear Chaos'," he read. "'Found myself flying through the Valley of the Wind today after I
got carried away (literally!) in the cave. The slipstreams caused me to land right in front of
Nausicaa, who mistook me for one of those mutant creatures. It hurt. A lot. Spent the rest of the
Miyuzaki movie in a smouldering crater. Sincerely, Desolation. PS: WHERE THE HELL AM I
Indiana Chaos shook his head, pocketing the postcard. "I don't know how he could have
gotten *that* lost when I had a rope tied around his waist," he remarked. "At least nothing was
set off when he took the lake god."
Suddenly a barrage of terrified flying octopuses exploded from the walls, each one sticking
into Chaos's face. "I take that back," Chaos remarked, peeling one off his eyeballs. "RUN AWAY
"I'm trying to run!!" Desolation exclaimed, kicking with his legs in the hopes of running in
the opposite direction the parasol was flying in. However he only managed to clock Indiana
Chaos in the face--yet by that time Chaos was so covered in terrified flying octopuses that
Desolation's leg wound getting stuck to Chaos' head.
"TASUKETEEEEEEE!!!!" both freaked-out fanboys shrieked, getting blown by the
parasol out of the chamber as it crumbled apart right behind them. And they surely would have
been blown straight out of the secret cave had all thos terrified flying octopuses not weighed them
down so much.
With a loud crash Desolation and Indiana Chaos toppled to the floor, octopi scattering like
rice at a cooking class Usagi might attend! And as luck would have it, one octopus rolled across
the ground and managed to a get a certain 100 yen coin glued to its suckers. Needless to say the
trap doors swung open again.
A bug-eyed Indiana Chaos gawked at the ChibiChibi's again. "What kind of luck is this?!"
he--er, she exclaimed.
"I vote for the bad kind," Desolation replied. "You might as well get used to it, Chaos; this
happens to me on an hourly basis."
"Easy for you to say," Chaos sulked. "You're on the other side of the pit!"
"But where's the exit?" Desolation said, hands rapidly scouring the wall. "I can't find a way
out! We're trapped inside!
Chaos sweatdropped. "Turn left."
Desolation turned from the wall to the doorway. "Aha! Daijobu, Chaos! I found it!"
Abruptly a large stone slab started descending from the top of the doorway, slowly
blocking their way out. "The door's closing!" Desolation exclaimed. His li'l SD form danced all
around the closing door, arms frantically flailing about as he tried to think of a possible way to
Meanwhile, Indiana Chaos was busy trying to think of another way to get across the pit of
snakes. However that was made rather easy when he insulted Beans for putting him in such a
predicament, and an enormous terrified, flying octopus clocked him in the face hard enough to
catapult Chaos--and the lake god--straight across the pit.
Desolation winced as Indiana Chaos was sent right through the stone slab, this kawaii li'l
Chaos-shaped hole now in the rock. "Oooh, that had to hurt. I know from experience."
However this time the rope around Desolation's waist actually stiffened and then snapped
Desolation through the remainder of the slab and soaring headlong after Chaos. Both fanboys
were fortunately stopped from their flights by some helpful stalactites hanging from the ceiling.
Chaos & Desolation: [faceplants!] "Itaaaiiii!!"
After peeling themselves off, Chaos sighed and picked up the aquarium. Not ten steps
away was the enormous cobweb, and beyond that was freedom where the lake god could finally
be back in the Fanboys! fanfics as its official mascot.
But a low rumbling from over their heads seemed to disagree. Indiana Chaos and
Desolation slowly turned around to see something from above come rolling after them.
Desolation: "Wha...what the hell is that?!"
Indiana Chaos: o.O "It's a gigantic rolling Gentle Uterus! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!"
And so Chaos ran away! She's chickening out, and packing it up, and shipping it off--
Indiana Chaos: "I don't need a narration here, ya know!"
Desolation: "KYAAAA!!! Chaos, where are you?!"
Indiana Chaos: "Desolation, not *that* way! That's the ceiling! Not the--why am I arguing
with his senslessness of direction?"
As it turned out the enormous rolling Gentle Uterus wound up chasing after a hapless SD
Desolation, who disappeared somewhere else inside the cave. A few hours later, somewhere in
Cephiro the Magic Knights would pause in utter confusion as a frantic fanboy would be seen still
trying to outrun an oversized rolling Gentle Uterus.
Indiana Chaos, though, made it out--but not after tangling himself up in that cobweb and
tumbling out from the cave entrance. Yet he had the lake god in the aquarium...or so he--er, she
thought. Chaos' eyes bugged out upon seeing an enormous platoon of irate octopi all crowding
around him, each one armed with a herring to smack him silly with.
And there towering over him was:
Beans: [very unimpressed] "You are such an idiot, you know that, Chaos?"
Beans glanced down at the burbling aquarium. "You chose the wrong time to steal it,
Chaos. And this time it will cost you. Hand it over."
Indiana Chaos sighed, grudgingly passing the lake god over to Beans. "Too bad the
Octopedos don't know you the way I do, Beans."
Beans' eyebrow twitched. "Chaos, before we go any further please change your clothes.
Fukus and fedoras do not mix."
Chaos sniffled and went into teary Bambi-eyed mode. "You're so mean, Beans! Can I at
least keep the fedora?"
"Yare yare," Beans muttered. "Whatever."
Beans massaged her temples. "I talked to Setsuna, and she assured me this was the best
kind of safe deposit box to hold the lake god when you're involved." Beans shook her head. "The
next time Ophelia, Joan and I write a lemonfic for her with Endymion, there are going to be soooo
"Come on, Beans!" his li'l SDship Chaos whined, adjusting his--er, her skirt. "At least
ridiculously oversized Gentle Uteruses don't crash through *your* ceiling ever hour."
"And who do we have to thank for that anyways, Chaos? Hmmmm?"
Chaos' eyebrow twitched. "Curse that Sailor Star Pol--!"
[Cue the Gentle Uterus!]
Beans winced as an enormous dustcloud rose up from the crashing Gentle Uterus.
Suddenly who should appear to glomp onto Indiana Chaos but Hotaru! Hotaru looked up at
Chaos with her wide, violet eyes. "I've missed you so much, Chaos-chan."
Chaos' eyes, on the other hand, were now large enough to pick up incoming transmissions
from the OZ Leos in orbit around earth. "NA NI?! Hotaru, what are you doing here in this
And then he was suddenly aware of three large shadows looming over him. A kowai li'l
SD Chaos looked up to see Beans, Michiru and Haruka all staring down at him...her...whatever
gender Chaos is right now!
"Um, this isn't about that 'Konya wa Haruka' song I wrote, is it?" Chaos asked nervously.
Hotaru: [embracing Chaos] "Ano...be gentle with me, Chaos-chan."
Chaos: o.O "Um...younger readers might want to turn away right about now."
Beans: "And miss the spectacle? Come now, Chaos."
Chaos: "Ano...you'll be gentle with me...right?"
Beans: [evil smile!] "Oh, did I forget to mention I wrote a special Beansfic just for you,
Chaos: 'The Baka-retsu Hunters'. And you're in it."
Chaos: o.O "WHAT?!"
[Cue the Bakeretsu Hunter's Tira & Chocolate Misu transformation music!]
Haruka: [now in her S&M Red Queen outfit!] "You dare to do this to our hime-chan,
Michiru: [now in a leather S&M Dominatrix outfit with whip!] "You must be punished."
Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"
* * *
And where, in this little escapade, you might ask, were the other fanboys amidst all
this...well, you know. As it turns out over the hill and through the jungle--and no, we're not going
to great-grandmother Cologne's house--found Pesti-chan and Mayhem leisurely basking atop
Carnage's T-74 tank. Carnage, on the other hand, was busy repairing the tank thanks to a mishap
with another vehicle.
"So," Pesti-chan asked, lifting the sunglasses from his eyes. "What do you think the odds
are of Chaos actually making it out from this omake alive?"
Mayhem shrugged. "He's a fanboy. He'll make it out alive, no doubt. As for making it out
in one piece or three dimensions...that's another debate."
Carnage growled, tossing aside a wrench. "I could be reading my latest magazine of GQ
(Gundam Quarterly) but noooo! I've got to cater to the whims of a sadist for an author. And I
really don't have time for this thanks to Minnie May nuking my Gundams back at Planet Hentai."
"Could be worse," Mayhem said, lifting up a small manuscript. "You could be reading
Chaos' latest fanfic."
Pesti-chan's eyebrow twitched as he read the title. "Crayon...Shinma-chan?"
Carnage rolled his eyes in exasperation. "I only hope that when Vampire Princess Miyu
shows up, she puts this Shinma-chan twerp back in the darkness in the most painful manner
He pushed out from beneath the tank. "Aha!" Carnage exclaimed triumphantly. "I found
out what got caught in the undercarriage!"
"What was it?" Pesti-chan asked.
"Probably a piece of the Speed Racer he trashed two miles ago," Mayhem remarked.
Carnage tossed a twisted piece of metal onto the tank's deck. "It's a piece of some Tardis
turned Lambourgini Countache/Mobile Home."
Pesti-chan and Mayhem looked at each other. "Gonterman," they chorused.
Seconds later Havoc crashlanded on top of Carnage, Jello flying in all directions and
getting into the tank. "Hotcha!" Havoc said. "Anyone wanna listen to this Urotsuki Doji music
and soundtrack collection I just recorded? I call it Urotsukidoco, and it's hentastic! And what
better way to listen to it than with a big bowl of--!"
Abruptly an irate lord Carnage rose up from the pile of Jello, hoisting his Zanba sword
over his head. "HAVOC...!!! You go squish now!!!"
Pesti-chan cleared his throat. "You hit him, Carnage, you clean up the mess."
Carnage's eyebrow twitched as he put down his sword. "Damn your hentai creaminess,
"So, care to show us where the vacuum is for all this Jello?" Mayhem inquired.
Carnage: "One moment, Mayhem."
Havoc: "Panties panties panties!"
[Carnage finishes drawing a circle around Havoc.]
Carnage: "There we go!"
Havoc: ^-^ "Oro?"
Carnage: "DIL BRAND!!!!"
"See, Mayhem," Carnage said, dusting his hands off. "There's more than one way to smite
a hentai." Carnage raised an eyebrow upon noticing that Pesti-chan & Mayhem were both holding
up umbrellas. "What are you two--?"
A split second later, Havoc Cream Lemoned in midair again, whipped cream raining down
all over the jungle for miles around. A very unimpressed Carnage blinked and stared down at his
now creamy white T-74 tank.
"Sing it, Megumi-baby!" came Havoc's distant shout from orbit.
"IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT YOU JUST STAY SMITED FOR ONCE?!?!" the
oversized demonic head of Carnage exclaimed, lobbing a Gunbuster after Havoc.
"Anyhoo," Pesti-chan said, setting aside his umbrella. "Just where did Chaos disappear to
Mayhem thumbed over his shoulder. "Listen for the terrified cries of 'Jo'o-sama!' and you'll
The fanboys turned to see a li'l SD Indiana Chaos tearing through the cloud, the kana for
"Run away! Run away!" left behind in his wake. And right behind was...
Pesti: [blink blink!] "Yo."
Dominatrix Michiru: "It's time for the whip, Chaos!"
Red Queen Haruka: "Chaos must die!"
Indiana Chaos: [frantic SD mode] "KYAAAAAAA!!!! JO'O-SAMA JO'O-SAMA
Pesti-chan winced at the spectacle. "Ano...are they going to be alright over there?"
"We'll just have to trust them with their deranged insanity," Mayhem replied.
"Mayhem," Carnage said, still vacuuming whipped cream off his tank. "I don't even trust
*our* own deranged insanity. Tenchi Masaki syndrome, my ass!"
Pesti-chan and Mayhem started to back away upon seeing a whole tribe of Octopedoes
with herrings also chasing after Chaos. "Carnage," Mayhem said. "You might want to forget
about the frosting on the tank and get it started."
Carnage turned off his vacuum. "What for? This will stain my little Lipulim-chan if I don't
clean it up soon."
Pesti-chan pointed to Chaos and the Baka-retsu Hunters, Haruka and Michiru. "Well,
they're...um...they're headed this way."
"Shimatta!" Carnage exclaimed, leaping into the belly of the T-74. "I'm not about to get
whip marks all over my tank. You two might wanna grab hold of something!"
Carnage started up the tank, the T-74 roaring to life and pulling a 360 before tearing up
the jungle and racing away from Chaos. But as luck would have it, Indiana Chaos wound up
getting whipped right onto the tank, his fall cushioned by a pile of cream lemon.
"I'm saved!" Chaos sighed. "I'm saved! I'm--!"
Needless to say, Chaos freaked. "There's a carnivorous super-deformed Godzilla thingy in
the tank, Carnage!" he shrieked, slipping across the whipped cream and flailing his limbs around in
the vain hopes of prying the mascot off.
"It's only Rampage," Mayhem said. "Besides, she shouldn't be too hungry. She just
polished off Bad Batz Maru, Kappa Kappa, and the entire cast of Hello Kitty."
"I hate carnivorous SD Godzilla-thingies, Carnage!" Indiana Chaos exclaimed. "I hate
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