It's a wonderful fanfic, ne?

Chaos: "Refresh my memory: what exactly are we doing here again?"
Pesti: "Chaos, this is the recap fanfic special, where we quickly have all our readers catch up on what happened in the first four fanboys! fanfics, as well as the first Special."
Mayhem: "I'm guessing we're going to leave out Havoc's little hentai romp on paper?"
Chaos: [groan!] "H-hai."
Pesti: "Either way, the upcoming Fanboys 5! will be a critical turning point, so we need to quickly give our faithful and demented readers a recap on everything that's happened to us up to this point!"
Mayhem: "In actuality, the author's just trying to buy himself some time before he starts getting demands for more Fanboys! fanfics."
Chaos: "So is this going to be cameo central?"
Pesti: "How should I know?! This is only the introduction, Chaos! Baka!"
Chaos: "And just *who* are you calling an idiot? At least I don't drain my EVA's emergency power reserves to make microwave popcorn!"
Pesti: "Well at least I don't go around groping my favourite Sailor Senshi!"
Mayhem: "Children, children, please!"
Chaos: "Prepare for Chaos-Fu, Pesti-chan. And know that I'm serious when I say--"
Rampage: ^-^ "CHU CHU!"
[Cue the recap!]

A Curse of the Fanboys Recap Segment!


(With sincerest apologies to Anne Rice lest she smite us with the Vampire Lestat)
[Cue the live television boradcast!]
Kiyone: " like I was saying it was either this small-time gig or another space adventure with Mihoshi, and given how much she destroys in a single episode, I thought--hm? Na ni? Oh! We're taping!"
[Cue Galaxy Police Detective Kiyone's sincere smile!]
Kiyone: "Ohayo, everyone! And welcome to the show 'An Anime Night With The Stars!'. Tonight we were hoping for an interview with the vampire princess Miyu, but she had to cancel at the last minute due to an unexpected need to slay a Shinma. So we were able to grab these guys milling around in the introduction of this special."
[Cue the security guard hauling in the fanboys!]
Pesti: "Put us down, will ya? Look, I'm telling you we were not stalking Miyu-hime!"
Chaos: "What the? Hey, you're Bean Bandit! A fat lot of good you did us back at that Magical Girl beauty pageant! The crazed killer who knows what we did last fanfic almost smited us!"
Bean Bandit: "And that would have been a bad thing?"
Chaos: "Hmph! Well I never!"
[Bean Bandit unceremoniously drops the Fanboys into their seats and leaves.]
Mayhem: "Chaos, you said Ami-chan would be here! You liar!"
Kiyone: "...."
[Chaos dumps a bucket of cold water on Mayhem, reducing the fanboy to Jusenkyo newt form.]
Chaos: "Um, pay no attention to that newt on the chair!"
Kiyone: [recoiling!] "What the?! He turned into a newt!"
Pesti: "We discovered that when we came here. You see, Lord Mayhem here has a Ranma 1/2's Juskenyo problem. Apparently he fell into the cursed spring of drowned newt and now he'll turn into a newt when doused with cold water. Warm water reversed the effect."
Kiyone: "Lord Mayhem? What kind of a name is that?"
Pesti: "It's our nicknames for each other. Every fanboy or fangirl in our Fanboys! series has a title of Mass Destruction. He's Chaos, I'm little Pestilence aka Pesti-chan, and Mayhem is...well, currently the newt."
[The Juskenyo newt unimpressedly taps its foot]
Kiyone: "Shouldn't you change him back?"
Chaos: "Oh alright."
[Cue the pan-dimensional kettle o' warm water!]
Mayhem: "Whew! Look Chaos, if you try that again, I swear I will show Kiyone those pictures of you modelling those dresses for Setsuna's fashion show."
Kiyone: o_O "Um...maybe we should get back to Pesti-chan. So tell me, what's your unique claim to fame?"
Pesti: "We star in a primarily Sailor Moon fanfic series called 'Curse of the Fanboys!!!' It's a strange parody of not only Anime itself, but of all the otaku who watch the shows and then write stories based on those characters."
Kiyone: "An...otaku?"
Mayhem: [dry English professor's voice!] "Otaku: a Japanese slang term for an obsessed fan (usually attributed to Anime), or someone with severe social disorders...whichever comes first."
Chaos: "Hush, Newt-boy!! Of course, Kiyone, after our very first Fanboys! adventure we also became idol singers too!"
Kiyone: [nervous eyebrow twitch!] "*You* were teen idol singers?"
Chaos: "Well, after the second Fanboys! fanfic we wanted to boost our PR and try to market an image that had us as being half normal. We called ourselves the Backstreet Fanboys."
Mayhem: "Oh, how wrong we were to play God with our character profiles when the author was around!"
Pesti: "I'll say. We had a literal two minutes of fame! In our first performance, HawksEye came to steal Mayhem's beautiful dream, Mayhem turned into a Jusenkyo newt, the sun set and Havoc went female and terrorised all our other female fans in the audience--"
Kiyone: "....."
Chaos: [nervous laughter!] "Ah ha haaaaa...I think she gets the picture, Pesti-chan."
Pesti: "--and then Chaos turned into Sailor Haley and freaked out everyone in the audience, and then I got Zoantropied and destroyed half the stage--"
Chaos: "Um, Pesti-chan...!"
Pesti: "Then Anarchy appeared in a Guymelef battling some freaky kid named Dandelion or something like that, trashing the other half of the stage. And then--"
Chaos: "Pesti-chaaaan!"
Pesti: "--Ami accidentally kissed Mayhem again, turning him into Dark Schnieder, who nuked whatever was left of the stage and the surrounding four city blocks."
Mayhem: "Needless to say, there were no encores. We gave up the notion of being teen idols and went back to making Fanboys! fanfics."
Chaos: "Hey, we still found stardom! All Kimagure Orange Roads lead to Tokyo, ne?"
Pesti: "Good lord, Minako's disability to actually quote something right is evidently infectious."
Kiyone: [aside to the cameraman] "Dan, where the hell did you find these guys?!"
[Cameraman Dan shrugs.]
Chaos: "I would hardly call this a recap! You went to fast, Pesti-chan!"
Kiyone: "I need a moment to think about this. Okay, so what exaclty was this about a HawksEye character?"
Mayhem: "I'll field this one. You see, we appeared in an Anime realm, but this version of Tokyo is primarily devoted to Sailor Moon in its Super S season. In that season, the Dead Moon Circus' Amazon Trio consisting of HawksEye, FishEye and TigerEye try to chain people down and look into their beautiful dreams to see if a Pegasus horse is there."
Pesti: "We learned in the first Fanboys! that all three of us have beautiful dreams. Though why Chaos has one is beyond me."
Chaos: "I heard that! Want me to smite you, Pesti-chan?!"
Kiyone: "Smite?"
Mayhem: "Hai! We all have smiting powers. Pesti-chan, being and underlord in training, mainly has at his disposal only cabbages that fall from the sky for no apparent reason."
Pesti: "But I'm training every day! And I'm the only one who can easily invoke the pan-dimensional mallet!"
[Pesti-chan summons pan-dimensional Anime mallet and clocks Chaos on the head.]
Chaos: "WAH! ITAIIIII!!"
Kiyone: "You guys are depriving a village of its idiot, you know that?"
Chaos: "[Sniff!] As for me, a true master of the smite, I have many techniques. I can smack someone silly with a herring if I desire a lesser smite. If I want to go all-out, I either beat them with my umbrella or else have a cow fall from the sky for no apparent reason and smite them."
[Kiyone's eyebrow twitch strikes again.]
Kiyone: "Oh...really?"
Chaos: "Yep, I'm definitely the better one who deserves to be with Mako-chan."
Pesti: "Hey, I'm the gentleman of the two of us! I don't go around groping Mako-chan and stealing nekkid flashes of her whenever I can. Ecchi!"
[Pesti-chan sticks out his tongue. "BLNNNNN!" sound effect ensues.]
Chaos: "Hey, those were honest mistakes! How was I supposed to know that her breasts just happened to be where my hand reached for?"
Pesti: "And we're supposed to believe it's an innocent mistake when you do it every fanfic? Dream on, Sailor Dragqueen!"
Chaos: "That's it! Shin'ne, Pesti-chan!"
[The usual SD, smite-happy melee ensues!]
Kiyone: "Please refrain from throwing cows inside the studio while we're taping, please! And...Sailor Dragqueen?!"
Mayhem: [ducking a cow] "Yep, you see that's Chaos' problem. At first glance his tendency to go all super-deformed and freak out at nearly anything. But he's also a magical girl, complete with transformation stick and title."
Kiyone: "I'm almost afraid to ask: what is he?"
Chaos: "Prepare to go meet Koenma Jr., Pesti-chan!"
Mayhem: "He's Sailor Haley! You see, when he transforms, he changes from a guy into a girl!"
Chaos: "NA NI! You told millions of viewers out there that I turn into a girl?!"
[A stunned Chaos is caught off guard and buried under a pile o' cabbages]
Pesti: "Well, I guess we know who's taking Mako-chan to the movies tonight!"
[Suddenly Lord Chaos' hand punches through the cabbage!"
Chaos: "Hold! The battle for my Mako-chan has just begun!"
Pesti: "*Whose* Mako-chan, Chaos?!"
Kiyone: "Are they fighting over a girl's affections?"
Mayhem: "Hai! They're both head over heels in love with Kino Makoto, who's also Sailor Jupiter. Not a single fanfic goes by without them holding a duel to see who dates her."
Kiyone: "Has either of them won?"
Mayhem: [chuckling] "Nope. Makoto shoots 'em both down every time."
Pesti: "Well, our situation is better than yours, Mayhem."
Mayhem: [tenses up.] "Um..."
Chaos: "Hai! You see, Kiyone, dear Mayhem over here is also head over heels in love with a Sailor Senshi: Sailor Mercury. Her alter-ego is the kawaii Ami-chan. But Mayhem has this faulty dating chromosome and can't even talk to her without having a nervous breakdown."
Mayhem: "Hey, that's all a part of the author's evil 'character tension and plot interest' conspiracy!"
Pesti: "It get's better too!"
Kiyone: [groan!] "I don't really think it could get any worse."
Pesti: "To add to his problems, Mayhem's power of mass destruction lies with the fact that inside of him is trapped the infamous demon-sorcerer Dark Schnieder. And Dark Schnieder can only be released with a virgin's kiss."
Kiyone: [buries face in her hands] "I was wrong. It just got worse!"
Chaos: "Hai! In F4!, Ami-chan accidentally got drunk on some Hard Lemonade and kissed Mayhem. That unleashed Dark Schnieder and caused even more problems because now Ami-chan seems to have a big crush on Mayhem thanks to Dark Schnieder, but Mayhem's fault dating chromosome is still working!"
Mayhem: [rattling uncontrollably] "Ami-chan...kiss?"
Pesti: "Look out, he's gonna blow!"
[Chaos & Pesti-chan duck as Mayhem explodes into a singed li'l SD fanboy. Kiyone is not so lucky.]
Mayhem: "Did it suddenly get hot in here, or is it just me?"
Kiyone: [coughs little black cloud o' smoke] "I see. Now at the risk of creating even more hysteria, I'm going to ask what about this Anarchy girl you mentioned?"
Chaos: [nasty twitch spasms!] "Anarchy?!"
Mayhem: "She's Chaos' little sister who was brought here by mistake. Now she's living here and dating Fushigi Yuugi's Tasuki."
Pesti: "Anarchy's most favourite hobby is tormenting Chaos."
Chaos: "Hurting...stop...when?"
[Cue Anarchy with Rampage-chan!]
Anarchy: "Somebody page my beeper?"
Chaos: "KYAAAA!!! What are you doing here?!"
Anarchy: [shrug!] "It's a recap fanfic. I had to show up just to prove how much I enjoy tormenting you net to how much I enjoy chugging down Hard Lemonade with Tasuki. And look who I brought along with me!"
Rampage: "CHU CHU!"
[Chaos glances down as Rampage eats his shirt sleeve.]
Chaos: "I detest you."
Rampage: ^-^ "CHU CHU!"
Kiyone: "Aw, how cute! Um...what exactly is it?"
Anarchy: "Super deformed, carnivorous Godzilla-thingy who happens to be our mascot. Isn't she just deliciously and destructive adorable? After all, Rampage's favourite hobby is eating other dumb, kawaii little mascots. Ne, Rampage-chan?"
Rampage: [burp!] "CHU CHU!"
Kiyone: "Strange. I think I've seen her before, right around the time our mascot...Ryo-oki...went missing...."
[Kiyone suspiciously eyes a happy Rampage]
Chaos: "Uh-oh. This could be unpleasant."
Pesti: "We have to distract her! Um, cue something! Anything!"
[Cue Havoc bounding across the camera with panties in hand and Iijima Kiiro (aka gold Iczlion) chasing after him!]
Havoc: "Ha ha! Come and get 'em, you cybersuited goddess!"
Kiiro: "Hentai!" [She readies her weapon of mass destruction!] "SUUUPA TOOORNADOOOO!!!!!"
[Cameras 3&4 abruptly cut transmission as they are annihilated in the process.]
Kiyone: o_O
Pesti: "Um, was that our distraction?"
Kiyone: "As much as I really don't want to know, what in the hell was that?!"
Everyone else: "Havoc."
Kiyone: "Who?"
[Havoc pops up from behind Chaos' chair!]
Havoc: "That's Hentai-sama to you!"
Chaos: [recoils] "Will you cut that out?!"
Mayhem: "Kiyone, meet the most perverted fanboy who ever existed. This is Lord Havoc, who we assumed had died in the HentaiCon 98 tentacle disaster."
Pesti: "Yare yare, how wrong we were!"
Chaos: "Unfortunately."
Havoc: "Hey, shouldn't we be interviewed by the Weather Report Girl instead?"
Chaos: "Excuse me, Havoc, but this is an interview which has nothing to do with hentai. Please be quiet!"
Havoc: [sulks] "Aw, what's the fun in that? And I suppose you'll want me to give Kiyone back her panties now."
Chaos: "Yes! As a matter of--WHAT?!"
[Kiyone suddenly feels a draft. Kiyone naturally freaks.]
Mayhem: [shakes his head] "I doubt she'll be hosting our next recap fanfic after this."
Havoc: "Ha ha! Call me Hentenno, puny transsexual Starlight wanna-be!"
Chaos: "You're one to talk Havoc. Thanks to you winding up with wearing Dragon Pink's cursed panties of Torajima, you do a Maze transformation into a perverted girl whenever its night! That's too much ecchi to bear for the rest of us Fanboys!"
Kiyone: [groan!] "Why me? Of all the second jobs to take just to get away from Mihoshi, why did it have to be this one?"
Chaos: "That's it, Havoc! Your reign of hentai in our fanfics ends here! Summon: smiting of the falling cow!"
Kiyone: "Oh no. Not again!"
Pesti: [hands her an umbrella] "Here. You might want this."
Kiyone: "Don't you have a smiting technique, Anarchy? Do something!"
Mayhem: "Anarchy is her own lethal weapon of mass destruction. We don't know if she has any specific techniques, and we're too scared to find out."
Anarchy: "Actually, Kiyone, I do have this one!"
[Anarchy glanced at Chaos, and a sudden explosive grid of orange & yellow catapults him up into the lighting units.]
Pesti: "Sugoi! Anarchy can generate her own AT Field!"
[Chaos crashes back down into his seat with his head still in a light]
Chaos: "Oh yeah, real impressive, Pesti-chan. Weren't you supposed to smite Havoc, Anarchy?"
Anarchy: [shrug!] "I never said who'd I use my AT Field on."
Chaos: "Pesti-chan, you're the sixth child! Use EVA 01 and neutralize her AT Field."
Pesti: "Oh no! Not after that hotsprings incident! Ikari Gendo will have my poor little, Mako-chan worshipping ass."
Kiyone: "I don't believe this. [Sigh!] Ganbatte, Kiyone. This will all be over if a few more pages. Look, don't you Fanboys have anything half intelligent to say? An outlook on life or something?"
Pesti: "Actually, Mayhem's the only real one armed with the witty rhetoric around here."
Mayhem: "Alright, then. [Ahem!] Happiness is having your every wish carried out by a harem of cute female students and eating luxurious fruit all day."
Chaos: "You've been playing the Three Sisters Story again, haven't you?"
Anarchy: "My, that's a nasty twitch Kiyone seems to be developing."
Kiyone: "Don't you guys get tired of doing the same demented things fanfic after fanfic?!"
Pesti: "Nah. This is more fun! Besides, it could be worse. Have you ever seen any of Chaos' fanfics? [Shudder!] Imagine if we got stuck acting in one of those!"
Chaos: "Hey! what about my fanfics?"
Kiyone: "Are they *that* bad?"
Mayhem: "Oh, Chaos has become infamous for writing horribly bad fanfics. His ill-fated 'Irresponsible Captain Usagi' has made him the newest favourite to MST."
Pesti: "Though that one wasn't as bad as his 'Much Ado About Nausicaa'."
Chaos: "Hey! At least it was better than Havoc's hentaific of 'Hino Rei Rei'!!! Right now I'm working on a children's fanfic story called 'Curious Sayajin George'."
Kiyone: "....."
Pesti: "I fear what happens to the Man in the Yellow Hat when the full moon hits."
Anarchy: "I swear someone switched bassinets at the hospital."
Chaos: "Ne, Anarchy, where's Tasuki?"
Kiyone: "Who?"
Pesti: "The boyfriend Anarchy claimed for herself. He's a character with pyrokinetic abilities from Fushigi Yuugi. He also loves destroying things and getting drunk."
Kiyone: "Ah, but of course."
Anarchy: [shrug!] "I lost him when we stumbled across the complimentary sake bar. I don't mind though: I've got three bottles hidden in Rampage-chan."
Rampage: ^-^ "CHU CHU!"
Chaos: [sigh!] "And to think I could have had waaaay cooler mascot than this little bottomless stomached furball!"
Mayhem: "Chaos, give up on your obsession with stealing Beans' lake god to have as your own mascot. You'll never win against her."
Kiyone: "'Beans'? Who's Beans?"
Pesti: "She's Chaos' fanfic rival. Beans is one of the undisputed heavyweight queens of self-insertion fanfics. She's in this series called 'College Life' which features her, Haruka, Michiru, and this lake god she picked up halfway through the series."
Chaos: "I'll get that little lake god if it's the last thing I do!"
Anarchy: "Nice knowing ya."
Chaos: "Ha! What could Beans possibly do to me? I laugh at her smiting powers! She's nothing without her lake god!!"
[Cue the terrified octopus that falls from the sky for no apparent reason and sticks onto the back of Chaos' head.]
Mayhem: "It appears Beans begs to differ."
Chaos: "....."
Havoc: "Ha! That's not a rival. Now *this* is a rival!"
[Cue Wonderland's Red Queen...and the fanboy facevaults!]
Pesti: "Oh my god, she's back!!!"
Kiyone: o_O "Mihoshi! I want Mihoshi again!"
Red Queen: "WOH HO HOH HO HO HOH HO!! So you thought you could escape me forever, you delicious little love slaves?"
[The Red Queen cracks her whip!]
Red Queen: "Now all of you get down, lick my boots and call me the Queen! [glare!] Especially you, Lord Havoc."
Havoc: "This Animeland's only big enough for one Hentenno, Skimehime-chan, and you're looking at both him and her!"
Chaos: "Do yourself a favour. Don't ask."
Anarchy: "Rather, ask yourself who is that crazed maniac in the bulky black overcoat ad the pan-dimensional mallet where his right hand used to be, and then ask why he's here."
[Cue the crazed killer who knows what they did last fanfic!]
Chaos & Pesti: "KYAAA! It's the crazed killer who knows what we did last fanfic!"
Chaos: "I thought he was just a myth! Someone you created to torment us with for Fanboys 4!!"
Kiyone: "Who?"
Anarchy: "He actually does exist, only that he hasn't found this fanfic series yet. You see, Kiyone, there's this crazed killer stalking through really bad Sailor Moon fanfics--usually the ones with shameless self-insertions. He hunts the writers down for slandering the names of his favourite Sailor Senshi and then smites them to death with that mallet where his right hands used to be."
Kiyone: "Hey, you, Mister Crazed Killer! I never even saw these wierdos before until they came into the studio! Don't smite me! Smite them! Put them out of my misery too, please!"
Chaos: "I'm noticing our host seems to be growing somewhat hostile towards us."
Mayhem: "With what she's gone through in the past 12 pages, is it any wonder?"
Anarchy: "Ah, I love my job! I love it! Cue the frantic and crazed battle sequence!"
[Cameraman Dan cues the frantic and crazed battle sequence! Suddenly a stray bolt of magic from somewhere strikes Pesti-chan.]
Pesti: "I may not be very strong or know how to fight, but there is one little trick I know. When I get hit by magic, I become a little...dangerous."
[Pesti-chan goes Zoantropy!]
Kiyone: o_O "N-N-N-Na NI?!?!?!"
Mayhem: "Uh-oh. Kiyone, that's Pesti-chan's main smiting technique. He's like Carrot Glaces from Bakuretsu Hunter: if he gets hit by magic, he goes Zoantropy."
Kiyone: "He becomes that thing?!"
Havoc: "Hai! And there's only one thing that will restore Pesti-chan."
[Havoc steals the Red Queen's whip and hands it to Chaos]
Havoc: "He's all yours."
Mayhem: "And remember, he has to call you the Queen!"
Red Queen: "Hey! I'm the Queen!"
Chaos: "[Growl!] Shin'ne, Pesti-chan."
[Cue Anarchy, Chaos, Havoc, Mayhem, Rampage, the Red Queen and the crazed killer who knows what they did last fanfic all lunge for the Zoantropied Pesti-chan!]
Camerman Dan: "Um, Kiyone, we might want to seek shelter."
Kiyone: "Run away! Run away!"
Pesti: o_O [terrified SD expression!]
Rampage: "CHU CHU!"
Red Queen: "WOH HO HO HO HO HOH HO HOH!!!"
Havoc: "DOJI POWER!"
Mayhem: "I hope everyone out there appreciates the things we do to boost our readership levels."
[Cue the enormous explosion! As the dust clears and the rubble stops raining down, we see a devastated studio in ruins with a gaping hole on the one side. In the distance there are people fleeing in terror as a Fanboys! melee tears up Tokyo yet again.]
Kiyone: [cough!] "Th-this was--is your host, Kiyone, telling you all out there to lock your doors and encrypt your E-mails. The Fanboys! are coming, and may Kami-sama have mercy on your poor souls."
[Kiyone collapses with a THUD!]
Cameraman Dan: "That was the best damned show we've ever done!"
[End of the Fanboys! Recap Special.]

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