A New Jolt To the Fanfics!
Chaos: [???] "Jolt?"
Carnage: [shrug!] "If you so insist, Chaos. MONO VOLT!!!"
Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAA!!! NOT ME, YOU IDIOT!!"
Pesti: "Easy, Carnage. Jolt's an MSTier who's made a special request for a fanfic. And this is it."
Chaos: [perking up!] "Na ni? You mean we're so popular that now the MSTiers are making requests? Yes! Yes! Finally, we're getting recognized!"
Havoc: "Hotcha! I've never stolen a MSTiers panties before. I wonder if they prefer silk to lace?"
Carnage: [eyebrow twitch!] "I'd just prefer to do this: LAGUNA BLAST!!!"
Chaos: [singing] "My Oba and your Oba, sitting by the fire! My Oba tells your Oba she gonna--"
Dark Mayhem: "Dammit, bad enough that he butchers Anime with his Chaosfics, now he has to start creating rather gruesome crossover songs."
Pesti: [pulling out pan-dimensional mallet] "Allow me."
[Pesti-chan clocks Chaos with the mallet o' Mass Destruction!]
Chaos: "Itaiiii!! What was that for?!"
Pesti: "The sanity of the readers."
Dark Mayhem: "Personally I'd think our readers would have to be as deranged as we are if they're this far into the series."
Chaos: "Hai hai. So far, so super deformed."
Carnage: [reading the request] "Ne, Mayhem, are you sure this special request wasn't to have five minutes alone with Chaos for writing that The Little Mermaid's Forest fic?"
Dark Mayhem: "Nope. It's a request for a special MST/Fanboys! crossover. Apparently this Jolt character really likes our hyper insanity."
Pesti: o.O "Uh-oh, we're contagious."
Carnage: [groan!] "This is not happening."
Chaos: "At last, I'm getting recognized for who I truly am!"
Dark Mayhem: "A black hole for things dropping out of the sky and smiting you? Usually because you cop feels off Makoto?"
Pesti: "Isn't that more Desolation--bosom groping aside?"
Chaos: [grrr!] "You wanna go up against my Chaos-Fu, Uber Exploder Newt-boy?!"
Dark Mayhem: "Like that'll do anything against my Venom spell, Sailor Dragqueen."
Chaos: "Oh, and just how does you as Dark Schneider kissing Ami and turning her into a little sex kitten any different from me accidentally discovering how soft my Mako-chan's breasts are?!"
Pesti: "*YOUR* Mako-chan?! That's it! Now this intro's getting personal!!"
Chaos: "I can kick your Zoantropying butt any day, Pesti! Just as easily as I can kick everybody else's!"
Carnage: [priming his Dragu Slave] "I'd like to debate that issue, Little Miss Dragqueen."
[Cue the AT Field of Mass Destruction which sends Carnage, Pesti-chan, Dark Mayhem and Chaos into the wall!]
Anarchy: "And the winner is...me!"
Rampage: ^-^ "CHU CHU!"
[Cue the Cameofic!]
An FBZ FANBOYS CAMEOFIC: CURSE OF THE OTAKINATOR!!!
Part I: A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My MST....
Written by: His Lordship Chaos
(Oh...and by that Jolt What's-His-Name?)
It's been some time since we last saw anything about the fanboys. Say...about three or four paragraphs ago, and since that time much has changed! Third Impact has hit. Mokona has been sacrificed to appease the gods of fanfics. And Cream Lemon is everywhere. Yes, the season of love is in the air, and there is much rejoicing by everyone.
But let's not rant about what's happening in the author's office with his all-female team of kawaii writing assistants! It's time to start this Cameofic off with a bang!
Carnage: "DRAGU SLAVE!!!"
Chaos: [cough cough!] "Wrong bang, Dragu Slave-happy boy!"
Pesti: "So much for this intro bit."
Anyhoo, it was a dark and stormy fic.
Chaos: "Eh?! That's the grand start of our Cameofic?"
Pesti: "At the rate they're going, our author's poetic license might have to be revoked."
Chaos: "Ha! I've been writing without *that* license since the start of the series!"
Dark Mayhem: "And it shows, Chaos. It really shows."
And so, the author having successfully seized his fanfic once more, and asserted that he is indeed in control--
[Cue the falling Gentle Uteruses!]
Chaos, Dark Mayhem, Pesti-chan & Carnage: o.O
--we now begin the fanfic. The time is...noonish, though not to be confused with Noonsaish, for that's an entirely different Anime to contend with. Moving right along, it was indeed a bright and cheerful day in the city of Tokyo. The city officials were also quite bright and cheerful since they had finally rebuilt Tokyo while the fanboys were away for their F8! fanfic.
Yes, things had calmed down nicely and all was back to normal. There was nothing out of the ordinary to be seen in all of Tokyo...unless you discount one frantic mecha freak of a fanboy making a mad dash for his life in a T-74 tank...while being chased by a goddess of mass destruction...who was hurling fireballs at him.
Ifurita: [taking out a hapless building!] "Give me back my power key, you little thief!!"
Carnage: [Must go faster! Must go faster!] "I'm just borrowing it for a while! I'll bring it back soon, I promise!"
Ifurita: [taking out a hapless 'Wu'!] "That's what you said two months ago when you took the Eye of God, Carnage! SHIN'NE!!!"
Pai: o.O "Wah! Yakumo got roasted by a fireball! Yakumo, speak to Pai!"
Carnage pulled a tight corner with the tank, managing to dodge another killer fireball when Ifurita mistook Napoleon for his T-74. Needless to say, Leona was not impressed.
"Hotcha!" a voice suddenly said atop the tank. "What we need now is some music from my Urotsuki Doco CD for this chase scene!"
Carnage's oversized balloon head swelled out from the belly of the tank. "I'm a little busy right now, Havoc!" he snapped. He paused, glancing up at Ifurita--and in the process nearly running over Godai (who had just set out from Maison Ikkoku to take his university entrance exams...yet again).
"Havoc, you're the perv in this series!" he said, punting Havoc through the air towards Ifurita. "Do something useful for once and distract Ifurita for me!"
Ifurita summoned another fireball, this one even more enormous than the rest. "This time for certain! SHIN--!!!" And then she was acutely aware of just how drafty the air was when hovering about fifty feet off the ground. Ifurita blinked, turning a bright shade of embarrassed pink.
Havoc: "Hotcha! I got Ifurita's panties! I got Ifurita's panties!"
Ifurita: [fiery demonic aura!] "I WAS SAVING THOSE FOR MAKOTO MIZUHARA!!! GET BACK HERE, YOU FREAK!!!"
Havoc: ^-^ "Oro?"
A few seconds and numerous explosions later found the Tokyo city council members ready to commit seppuku. And Carnage now found himself frantically trying to outrun an enormous Cream Lemon tsunami with his T-
Carnage: o.O [smacking his tank with a riding whip!] "KYAAAAA!!! And I just waxed my Lipulim-chan too!!"
* * *
Okay, so the author lied again. So not *everything* in Tokyo was back to normal. But then again, when has life ever been normal when dealing with the fanboys? Hell, if this fanfic ever had been normal would you be still reading this?
Chaos: [impatient li'l SD form] "*Ahem!* You're ranting again."
Ah but ranting is just so fun, ne? Almost as fun as smiting Chaos...like this!
[Cue the terrified flying octopi!]
Chaos: o.O "TASUKETEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
Anyhoo, at the newly renovated apartment of the fanboys, things were back to the usual tedium. Dark Mayhem was busy consulting the financial section, Pesti-chan was getting ready for a date with Makoto--
Chaos: o.O "NA NI?!"
--and Chaos, with his usual grace and flair, was busy trying to outrun a horde of Gentle Uteruses that were putting new rows of skylights into the ceiling.
"I meant Star Sailor Polaris!" Chaos shrieked, throwing open a door and flinging himself inside. "*Star* Sailor Polaris!!"
Pesti-chan stuck his head out from his bedroom. "Ne, Rampage was having a nap in there after devouring that Chi-chan bat from the 801 TTS Airbats squadron? Think we should tell Chaos about it?"
"KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!!"
"Too late," Dark Mayhem replied nonchalantly, flipping a page of the newspaper. "Kuso! Heavy Industries stocks took a nosedive yesterday when their nuclear-powered Jet Alone robot ran amok and almost went into critical mass. Damn, am I glad I sold those shares off when I did. NERV stocks have jumped twelve points as a result."
Pesti-chan emerged from his bedroom, adjusting the sleeves of his shirt. "Well, how do I look?"
"Like you're going on a date," Dark Mayhem replied. "Better not let Chaos see you like that. He freaks and there'll wind up being yet another hole in the ceiling thanks to him."
"When has me going on a date with my Mako-chan ever stopped him from getting smited like that?" Pesti-chan sighed, crossing over to the kitchen and pulling out a Hard Lemonade from the fridge.
"*WHOSE* Mako-chan?!" Chaos exclaimed, toppling out from the broom closet with a vacuum cleaner hose wrapped around his forehead, and Rampage contentedly sucking on his right foot.
"Let him be, Chaos," Dark Mayhem sighed. "It's a beautiful day outside, Hysteria's out for a walk with Tora, Anarchy and Tasuki are still on their 168 hour Sake binge with Ryoko and Fujisawa-sensei, the apartment *was* in one piece a few minutes ago, and what's more neither Carnage or Havoc's around to cause trouble."
"So what about Sarcasm?" Chaos asked.
Dark Mayhem gestured to Marron Glaces, who was contentedly sipping a cup of tea at the dinner table. "As you can see, she's been occupied for the past while. It's been a whole three hours since she and Zelgadis last came up for air."
Chaos facevaulted at that.
"It's almost as peaceful as our first fanfic," Pesti-chan said, taking a swig of his Hard Lemonade.
"Peaceful my super-deformed ass," Chaos lamented. "Thanks to that stupid henshin I got in F1!, I look like Relena freakin' Peacecraft whenever I transform. Not to mention we got *this*!!" Chaos lifted his foot to display Rampage.
"CHU CHU!" the happy, SD Godzilla-thingy squeaked between chews.
Dark Mayhem set down his paper. "Crybaby. It didn't get any easier after that. Havoc came in F2! while we ran amok in Clamp's Wonderland, and then there was that whole F3! cursed panties incident at the hotsprings."
Pesti-chan nodded. "Hai hai. Bad enough Havoc got his Maze transformation, but then you had to drag Anarchy into this, Chaos. And what about your stupidity in F4! during that Magical Girl Beauty pageant?"
"Hey!" Chaos protested. "You weren't exactly a saint when we tried to outrun the Crazed Killer who knew what we did last fanfic, I might add! And what about F5!, hm?"
"I don't think we could say that anyone was innocent in that one," Dark Mayhem countered, fetching himself a Hard Lemonade. He tossed an extra one to Chaos. "After all, we all got a nekkid flash of every Sailor Senshi we stripped...Damn, that was fun. Anyone else want to do that again?"
"Hmph!" Chaos pouted, his kitty ears popping out from his hair. "Thanks to that, I had to contend with taking Hotaru out for a date in F6! And at the same time I had to try and stay in one piece with Haruka, Carnage *and* Naoko Takeuchi trying to hurt me!"
Pesti-chan sipped his Hard Lemonade. "Hai hai. And thanks to Carnage's Satellite Strike, we couldn't even afford to do F7!, and launched into F8! without any prior notice."
That got Dark Mayhem chuckling. "Hey, what was so bad about hanging with the babes in their bikinis? And I got this kick-ass character blend of myself."
"Lucky Bastard!!" Chaos and Pesti-chan muttered.
Chaos leaned against the side of the couch, taking a long swig of his drink. "Well, at least *someone* got it easy. Now we've all got more deranged disorders thanks to Diol, plus Sarcasm-hime and that kawaii Hysteria-chan have invaded our apartment. And there's two Havocs!"
And as if to prove his point, Chaos lifted up his bottle of Hard Lemonade--only to discover that Catastrophe-chan had already devoured it. Next for the baby SD Godzilla-thingy's lunch was...what else?
Catastrophe: ^^ [MUNCH!] "chu chu!"
Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! TASUKETEEEEEEEE!!!"
"Impressive," Pesti-chan remarked, sipping his lemonade as a frantic SD Chaos ran around the living room. "When you look back on all we've done with just the fanfics alone, it's a wonder no one's protested for us to stop the insanity."
"I note you're omitting that whole Oscar: Resurrection Moviefic," Dark Mayhem said. "Not to mention the Christmasfic...and the Valentinefic...and MSTfic 2...and H2Omake...and The Authors Must Be Crazy."
"Those are all ones I'm still trying to forget," Pesti-chan sighed. "Thanks to Oscar: Resurrection, I think our entire cast save Havoc and Charon have sworn off Jello forever."
"But no one's complained yet--even after that lesbian tryst I accidentally had in Beans' body! This means I can still have a chance to score with my Mako-chan!" Chaos exclaimed, drawing back the venetian blinds to the balcony windows and sliding open the door.
He took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he enjoyed the afternoon air. "Ah, I do so love our city of Tokyo! It has that distinct and wondrous smell of...of...*sniff sniff!* of lemon?"
Chaos opened his eyes only to be presented with the sight of a very very very very VERY large tidal wave (did we mention just how large it was?) of nothing but whipped cream heading straight for the window. Carnage's T-74 tank was riding the crest.
Naturally, Chaos freaked.
"KYAAAAAAAAAA!!! RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!!!"
Seconds later only four pairs of oversized blinking eyeballs could be seen as the entire apartment was flooded with Cream Lemon.
Marron: [teary Bambi eyes] "Chaos no...baka!"
Carnage's tank crashed in through the balcony moments later, its rather harsh landing nicely softened by Chaos and the whipped cream. And sitting there on top of the tank, arms crossed over his chest and a dark expression on his face, was Carnage.
Carnage: --;; "I detest that hentai."
Pesti-chan grimaced as he flicked some whipped cream off his hands. "Dammit, Havoc, isn't there an Off switch for this disorder?! Now I've got to go change again."
"Hotcha!" Havoc exclaimed, popping out from a large blob of whipped cream that was dripping from the ceiling. "I love the smell of Cream Lemon in the morning, don't you?"
"It's gonna be the smell of Creme Brulée in a few seconds," Carnage snarled, his hair looking like he'd come from a DBZ marathon thanks to the whipped cream acting like a styling gel. "MEGA BRAND!!!"
Abruptly an unopened letter leisurely floated onto a mound of Cream Lemon that Carnage had just blasted.
Dark Mayhem turned his head as he grabbed the letter. "Na ni? Say, Chaos, when did we get this? Chaos? Chaos? Aw, shit; Chaos, where'd you disappear to now?"
"Down here," a muffled voice said through the whipped cream, a sign saying *ITAAIII!!!* popping out from beneath the treads of the T-74 tank.
"I don't recall seeing that letter in our last Omakefic," Carnage remarked, wading through the Cream Lemon. "You think it's another missive from Desolation?"
"We might as well open it and find out," Pesti-chan said, unbuttoning his shirt as he adjourned to his bedroom to change.
"Anyone got a letter opener?" Dark Mayhem inquired.
Carnage pulled out his Zanba sword. "How's this?"
Dark Mayhem shook his head. "I want to read this letter, not dice it, Carnage." He hopped onto the kitchen counter and fished out a knife from the cutlery drawer. "Ah, here we go!"
Another sign from underneath the T-74 popped up: *Um, a little help here, please?*
"Why certainly, Chaos!" Havoc said, dropping a large bowl of Jello into the whipped cream. "Would you like one bowl or two?"
Another sign erupted from the whipped cream, trying to swat at Havoc. *That's not the kind of help I wanted, you freak!!!*
*KYAAAAAAA!!! GET THEM OFF GET THEM OFF GET THEM OFF GET THEM OFF!!*
Dark Mayhem and Carnage raised their arms over their heads as a rapid blur of carnivorous SD Godzilla-thingies proceeded to scarf down all the remaining Cream Lemon. Chaos, on the other hand, was not very impressed as Rampage and Catastrophe then decided to also have his shirt for dessert.
"At least it wasn't my favourite blouse," he muttered, reverting into SD mode and thus becoming small enough to wiggle his way out from beneath the tank treads.
Dark Mayhem blinked as he scanned the letter. "Aw, shit!"
"What?" Pesti-chan inquired, now dressed in a new outfit for his date. "Don't tell me it's another death threat to Chaos after he tried to market that dumb Playstation game."
"And just what was wrong with El Biohazard: The Magnificent Resident Evil?" Chaos sniffed indignantly.
"Not the game," Dark Mayhem answered slowly. "But you're not far off, Pesti-chan."
Carnage looked over Dark Mayhem's shoulder, his eyes widening. "Eh? We're being officially audited?!"
"But that doesn't make any sense!" Chaos protested. "After the Satellite Strike in F6!, the city auditors who didn't commit ritual suicide swore they would never look at our accounts ever again!"
"Not us, you twit," Dark Mayhem snapped. "The *fanfic* itself is being audited. Apparently not only have your infamous Chaosfics become something of often-lamented MST lore, but our own activities in the series has caught the attention of SVAM."
Carnage scowled. "Do I really want to know who this SVAM is?"
"An acronym for Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings," Pesti-chan replied. "Essentially SVAM's a group of people whose sole purpose in life is to riff and MST the same kinds of horridly idiotic fanfics that Chaos here writes."
"Hey!" Chaos protested, sprouting his kitty ears again. "I'll have you know that last month, I was commended for my BubbleGundam Crisis Chaosfic!"
Carnage and Pesti-chan facevaulted.
Dark Mayhem: "You should have called it BubbleGundam Crash, because it sure as hell was shot down pretty quick by the Club Anipike's MST crew."
Chaos: [teary Bambi eyes!] "But Washu said it was the greatest piece of mecha heresy of the century!"
Pesti: [Ano...] "He says it like it's a good thing."
Carnage: [eyebrow twitch!] "I'll show him a crisis...!!!"
Dark Mayhem: "Getting back to this letter--"
Havoc: ^-^ "Panties panties panties!"
Carnage: "Get this, Havoc: BLAST ASH!!!"
"Anyhoo," Dark Mayhem said, snapping the cast out of rapid dialogue mode--though not too hard so as to give them all whiplash. "SVAM has among its ranks that infamous Megane 6.7 guy."
"Who?" Chaos asked.
Pesti-chan smacked him upside the back of the head. "Just who do you think did the MST of Artemis' Lover before we nuked Oscar in the Moviefic?!"
Dark Mayhem nodded. "Since we're a self-insertion fanfic series-and we've done really deranged things to the Sailor Moon realm--SVAM is now sending a delegation over to evaluate our series. They want to see whether or not we deserve to be MSTied for our actions."
"It's the curse of being an avatar," Carnage sighed.
Pesti-chan blinked. "Carnage, it's probably thanks to *your* overkill scenes that they've sent MSTiers in the first place!"
"You wanna debate that, Mister Zoantropy?" Carnage retorted, priming a Slayers attack.
"Hotcha!" Havoc exclaimed, landing on top of Carnage's head and sending it into the floor. "I hope they send cute MST babes. Lots and lots of negligee-clad MST babes!"
Pesti-chan glanced down at Carnage's twitching body. "Perhaps I should go change now and beat the Cream Lemon rush."
"Waaaaaah!!" Chaos sobbed, launching into waterworks that reduced Dark Mayhem into Newt Schneider form. "We might get MSTied! I couldn't take that kind of rejection, Mayhem! I'm too fragile!"
"Daijobu!" Havoc said, hopping down from Carnage's head and walking over to Chaos. "If you need a place to hide, I've got an opening for a Jello-wrestling waitress at Planet Hentai!"
Havoc leaned in closer to Chaos' chest. "Hmmm...I'll need you to get female first so I can make sure your breasts are large and soft enough. All our Variable Geo crew's got to have the bounce of Gainax to the max. It's always a hands-on duty I'm happy to perform!"
Chaos was abruptly aware of a kawaii li'l storm cloud over his head. "I'M NOT THAT DESPERATE, YOU PERVERT!!!" he exclaimed, punting Havoc through one of the holes in the ceiling.
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