Carnage pulled his head out from the floor. "Kuso!" he groaned, stretching out his neck. "If these MSTiers see Havoc running loose, they'll probably try to cause an Akira blast in our next fanfic."
        "In the meantime," Pesti-chan said, glancing down at his watch. "You guys need to prep for this MSTier delegation. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a date in an hour with Makoto."
        "Whaddaya mean you've got a date?!" a frantic SD Chaos exclaimed, latching onto Pesti-chan. "You're deserting us in our fic of need? Now is not the time to panic! Don't panic, Pesti-chan! I'm not panicking, so you shouldn't be! MSTiers can smell your fear! For the love of Kami-sama, whatever you do, don't panic!!"
        Pesti-chan's eyebrow twitched, and seconds later Chaos was buried beneath a mound of cabbages. Chaos' head popped out just in time to get bonked by a fork. "Itaaaaiii!! Pesti-chan, as your overlord and sensei, I expressly forbid you to leave and go date my Mako-chan!"
        "*YOUR* Mako-chan?!" Pesti-chan shot back. "Excuse me, but you've got the Harbinger Queen as your own girlfriend, Chaos. And what's with this forbidding me to go out? I'm a full-fledged Lord of Mass Destruction now."
        "Yare yare," Dark Mayhem remarked, dousing himself with his pan-dimensional kettle o' warm water. "If we ever manage to pull off making our fanfics look too mundane for SVAM to riff, it'll be nothing short of a miracle."
        "I vote we just have Anarchy take out Chaos and Havoc," Carnage recommended. "With the two idiot savants gone, we might actually stand a chance."
        "Don't make me hurt you with a bathtub!" Chaos retorted. He raised his hand into the air to summon his wondrous smite. And it really would have been quite wondrous too...had Chaos not slipped on a rolling cabbage and managed to fling himself into the wall.
        "Ha! I'm going to go out and date Makoto," Pesti-chan said, reaching for the knob to the front door. "And there is nothing that will stop me."
        Pesti-chan flung open the front door...and broke apart into 6 SD bug-eyed Pesti-chans as he saw a delegation of three MSTiers on the other side.
        "Kon'nichi wa!" one said with a smile.
        The small group of SD Pesti-chans immediately flung the door closed, and turned to the other fanboys. "They're right outside our apartment," SD Pesti-chan #2 said.
        "Who?" Carnage asked.
        "Who else, dumbass?!" SD Pesti-chan #6 hissed. "The MSTiers!"
        Needless to say, Chaos freaked.
        "KYAAAAAAA!!!! TASUKETEEEEEEE!!!!" the frantic SD otaku screamed, racing hell-bent for...well, somewhere we think. At the very least Chaos was defying all conventional laws of physics as he ran across the floor,
the walls and the ceiling.        
        "I can hear them now," Dark Mayhem remarked as he watched Chaos. "'And just how did you manage to get footprints on the ceiling of your fanfic?'"
        "We can't let them see the apartment like this," Carnage stated, looking at his tank. "Stall them for a few minutes and I'll wheel Lipulim into my room."
        The SD Pesti-chans all sweatdropped, one of them sticking out his foot and tripping Chaos as he went on another SD flyby. "Like I can keep them occupied in the hallway as they hear an armoured military tank rumble through the apartment," SD Pesti-chan #2 stated. "And what about all the holes that Polaris' falling Gentle Uteruses made?"
        "I've got this one covered," Dark Mayhem said, pulling out the remote control of the gods. "Let's see...aha! Rewind!"
        Dark Mayhem clicked on the Rewind button, and suddenly the apartment went into a full reversal of time, the holes imploding on themselves as the tank flung itself back through the balcony doors.
        "Sugoi!" Chaos said with large Bambi eyes.
        Dark Mayhem gave the other fanboys the V-sign. "It's all in how you adjust the tracking. Damn, am I so fuckin' cool or what? You may open the door when you are ready, Pesti-chan...Pesti-chans. Dammit, get yourselves together!"
        "Hold it!" Chaos piped up. "First we need to make sure that a certain mecha-happy fanboy doesn't decide to nuke our apartment during this meeting!"
        Carnage's eyes narrowed. "Chaos, you had better not be thinking what I think you're--HEY! PUT ME DOWN!!!"
        Chaos hoisted an irate SD Carnage into the air and then lobbed Carnage into the hall closet, a loud crash of fanboy and mechas echoing deep within the hangar bay. "Just remember to tuck and roll!" Chaos called into the hangar.
        "KYAAAA!! My V Gundam-chan!" came a distraught Carnage's voice.
        With a broad grin on his face, Chaos turned around and closed the closet door behind him. "Done!"
        Dark Mayhem smirked. "Admit it, Chaos. You enjoyed doing that."
        "Hai!" Chaos said, bounding over to the door. "And now to make this MST audit as quick and painless as possible!"
        "Maybe we should pass out Yggdrasil bugs to the whole cast first," Pesti-chan suggested.
        "Too late," Dark Mayhem countered. "He's already thrown open the door...and whacked himself in the face with it."
        Pesti-chan winced. "That looked rather painful."
        And as Chaos fell straight backwards, he nicely opened the door to reveal three seemingly normal characters. The trio of MSTier delegates stepped into the apartment, each one surveying the setting in their own way.
        "Hmmm," a young lady remarked, running a hand through her red hair. "It's a penthouse suite to be sure, but nothing over the top to denote a God complex."
        "Two girls and a guy," Pesti-chan remarked to Dark Mayhem. "I guess this group can't be all that bad--so long as we can keep Havoc away."
        "Excuse me," one of the MSTiers spoke up. "But I'm male."
        Pesti-chan smiled, his laughter petering off. "Aha haaa...okay, we've got a bishounen in the crowd."
Sarcasm: [looking up] "Did I hear someone mention a beautiful man?"

Rail Claymore: [out of the Lost Universe & covered in sushi] "Sarcasm, your nyotaimori's getting warm."

Sarcasm: ^-^ "Hai! Itadakimasu!!"

        "I'm Alexander Misamoto," the bishounen MSTier explained, scratching the back of his silver hair. "One of the auditors for the rest of this fic."
        "Ah," Dark Mayhem remarked. "So nice to see such cheerful interrogators. I'm sure the Inquisition will go smoothly and painfully."
        Alexander blinked, uncertain as to how he should take the remark--or just leave it in his pockets. "Um...okay. But really, we MSTiers are not the ogres some avatars would paint us as. You fanboys have nothing to worry about--provided your fanfics are not utterly self-gratuitous fiascoes."
        "And they have a sense of humour too," Dark Mayhem said. "Good! You guys are gonna to need it in this place."
        Alexander turned to Pesti-chan. "Is he usually like this?"
        Pesti-chan nodded. "More or less. Just don't piss him off; we waxed the floor a few hours ago, and I'd hate to see another Halloween spell vaporize the finish."

Alexander: ^-^; [Ano....] "Th-thanks for the tip."

Pesti: "Anything to make your living hell more enjoyable."

        Seconds later a cow crashed down through the ceiling and landed on Pesti-chan. The redhead glanced at the udderly stunned bovine-

        [Fanboy's Note: What? What?! It's only the *eighteenth* time I've used such an atrocious cow pun! Yare yare, you people get irritated so easily these days. But since I'm the can do nothing! HA HA!!]

        --who then trotted off to graze on the hall carpet.
        "Now there's something you don't see every fanfic," the redhead remarked.
        "I don't think I've *ever* seen that in any fanfic," Alexander countered. He pulled out a small notepad and started scribbling something down.

Pesti: [twitch twitch!] "Chaos, may I have a censored word or two with you?"

Chaos: "Hush, Pes--er, Kamui."

        Chaos gave a sincere smile, walking up to the redhead. "And you must be--" He blinked, looking up at the six-foot high woman. "--enormous."
        His eyes drifted down to her chest--and subsequent lack of bosom. "Well, most of you anyways."
        The redhead's eyebrow twitched. "What was that?" she inquired darkly, having clamped a hand around Chaos' neck and hoisted him off the ground so he could look into her steel grey eyes.
        "Good grip," Chaos managed to rasp out.
        Alexander sighed, shaking his head. "And this is my older, half-sister Samantha Jones. You'll have to excuse her; she's...a little temperamental."
        "A little?" Dark Mayhem inquired.
        "That's quite the sarcasm," the third and as of yet unintroduced MSTier said.
        Dark Mayhem gestured over his shoulder to the hallway. "Nah. She's probably still locked in her room with her harem: the Forty-Seven Bishonen, as she now calls them."
        "I thought it was the Forty-Seven Ronin," the MSTier countered.
        "Not anymore," Pesti-chan piped up. He turned to the MSTier. "And you are?"
        Alexander glanced over his shoulder, and turned to present the other member of the SVAM delegation. "And this is our creator, Jolt. Our 'father' if you will."
        "I'd rather not," Dark Mayhem quipped, looking from the well-built Samantha to the bishounen Alexander and finally to the seemingly normal MSTier Jolt, an evident college student who was easily as tall as Samantha.
        "Hi!" Jolt said warmly, extending his hand. "I look forward to evaluating your work for riffable material!"
        "Gee, thanks," Pesti-chan said dryly, shaking Jolt's hand.
        By now, a completely forgotten Chaos was turning purple in the face, since Samantha had forgotten to release her killer deathgrip on his windpipe.

Chaos: [with sign] *AIR!!!*

Samantha: "Hm? Oh, you're still here."

        Samantha unceremoniously dropped Chaos onto the floor, where the SD fanboy gave a dramatic gasp for air--only to have a curious Catastrophe-chan stick her head in his open mouth.

Catastrophe: ^-^ "chu chu!"

Echo: "chu chu...chu chu...chu chu...chu chu...."

        "Aw, how cute!" Alexander said, picking up the baby carnivorous SD Godzilla-thingy. "What's her name?"
        "Catastrophe," Pesti-chan replied.
        Samantha paused at that. "You...gave a cute pet like that a name referring to Mass Destruction?"
        Dark Mayhem shrugged. "Technically, we didn't give it to her; she's from the future. But the rest of us all have names of Mass Destructi--mph!"
        Chaos' hand clamped down over Dark Mayhem's mouth, kawaii kitty ears popping up as Chaos nervously laughed. "He's just joking! We all took regular Anime-related names so we could blend in with our surroundings!"
        "Chaos, what the hell are you doing?" Dark Mayhem inquired as he yanked Chaos aside.
        "They'll think were some kind of warped self-inserted avatars if they learn we have titles of Mass Destruction," Chaos whispered. "We'd be MSTied for sure!"
        Pesti-chan sweatdropped. "Chaos, you moron, we *are* warped self-inserted avatars. Cursed ones, but warped SI avatars none the less."
        "Don't mind us!" Jolt piped up, pulling out a pen and clipboard. "We're just going to check out your apartment. It's a standard MST inspection; nothing to worry about."
        "So long as they don't find the love jacuzzi in Mayhem's library," Chaos muttered under his breath. "Ano...could we help take you on a tour?"
        Samantha shook her head as she headed down the hallway. "Nope. We're MSTiers; we don't need any help in auditing the overall plot integrity of your series."
        Pesti-chan turned to Dark Mayhem. "We actually have a plot?" he asked.
        The uber exploder fanboy shrugged. "Apparently so," he replied. "Don't spoil it for them, though. Just wave and pretend like everything's fine."
        The two fanboys looked at Samantha and Alexander.

Dark Mayhem & Pesti: ^-^ [nodding & waving] "Hai!"

        "Now," Chaos said, taking out a clipboard and a pencil of his own. "How are you going to pay for your cameo visit here?"
        Alexander blinked in surprise in opening the fridge door. "What?"
        Chaos sighed. "Well, thanks to a certain unnamed mecha freak, we have a lot of bills for our gratuitous property dama--er, fanfic licensing fees, to pay off. We can't just *let* people show up for a Cameofic."
        Jolt leaned over Chaos' shoulder. "What are our options?"
        Chaos handed them the clipboard:

        A) Credit Card
        B) Cash
        C) Sneak out in the middle of the fic.

        "We'll take C," Jolt said.
        Chaos nodded, scribbling that down. "Very popular choice."
        Alexander's gaze was abruptly caught by something next to the bigscreen TV in the living room: the Playstation laying beside the VCR. "Hey, it's El Biohazard: the Magnificent Resident Evil!" he said, pointing to the game beside the player. "Man, I thought they pulled all the copies off the shelves already!"

        [Pesti-chan & Dark Mayhem slowly turn to Chaos.]

Chaos: [kawaii kitty ears!] "What?"

Dark Mayhem & Pesti: "Baka."

        "Care for some Hard Lemonade?" Pesti-chan asked in an attempt to break the tension between the two groups.
        "Shameless product plug number one," Samantha stated from down the hall.
        The fanboys looked in confusion at the other MSTiers.
        "Sorry," Alexander said, scratching Catastrophe's belly. "Riff of habit for us."
        Abruptly a startled yelp came from Samantha. "Goddamn!" she exclaimed, backing out of the hallway. "Now that is one frighteningly cute bedroom. I've never seen so many posters of idol singers and young Anime guys in my life!"
        Chaos's eyes bugged out as he immediately launched into a freaked-out SD mode, the kana for "Curse Hysteria's Shouta complex!" scrolling in behind him."
        Jolt ducked the floating words, grabbing one of the last pieces of kana and then banging it against a chair to see if it was actually real. "You know somebody could get their eyes poked out by one of these things?" he remarked.
        Dark Mayhem nodded. "Daijobu; after the last fic, our author instated a new policy. Now all scrolling kana are equipped with airbags in case they hit something."

Jolt: o.O;;;

        [Cue the kana's exploding airbag that sends Jolt across the living room!]

        Pesti-chan smacked his forehead. "And to think Chaos fell for the same gag last time too."
        "Damn...that has quite the recoil," Jolt's disembodied voice warbled, his legs sticking out from a now tipped over couch.
        "I don't think any of you guys answered my question," Samantha said, bypassing the cow in returning from the hallway. "Whose frighteningly cute bedroom was that?"
        Chaos swallowed hard. "Um...guest room?"
        Dark Mayhem nodded. "Yes, we enjoy traumatizing the odd person who drops by for a visit," he added. "Wanna stay the night?"
        "Hush, uber exploder Newt-boy!" Chaos snapped, punting Dark Mayhem into the living room.
        "Uber...Exploder Newt?" Samantha asked slowly.
        A sweatdrop appeared next to Chaos' head. "Um...nothing!"
        "We are going to be here for a while," Jolt said, taking off his coat as he managed to recover from his near-smite kana experience. "Hey, where do you hang the coats up to?"
        "Over there," Chaos said, pointing at Carnage's room. His eyes suddenly ballooned out as he realized what he had just done. "KYAAA!!! No, wait! NOT THERE!!!"
        But it was too late as Carnage's Security System, programmed to turn on when the door was opened, leveled a giant flamethrower at the MSTier. Jolt had about a moment to peer at the nozzle in front of him.

Jolt: [innocently enough] "Hm?"



        "What the hell?" Samantha said, turning around--only to see a rather unimpressed and thoroughly flambéed Jolt blinking in surprise.

Jolt: [smoldering little MSTier] "*Cough!* Geez, that's some burglar system you've got there, Chaos."

        "You can never be too careful," Chaos quickly piped up. One of his eyebrows twitched moments later. "Ano...Chaos? You know our official names?"
        Alexander nodded as he poked his head into Chaos' wall scroll of a bedroom door. "You've gotten quite the reputation at the Club Anipike, Chaos. No other group of characters has been banned from the club for fifty consecutive life sentences. And after that ramen incident--"
        "They couldn't prove it was me!" Chaos protested, launching into another frantic SD mode. "There were no witnesses who saw me there at the time!"
        Dark Mayhem and Pesti-chan promptly smacked him upside the back of the head. "Baka," the chorused.

Jolt: [still smouldering] "Could I get a towel or something?"

Pesti: "Second door down the hallway--and be very careful about when you call Toilet Hanako out."

Jolt: [sweatdrop!] "You've got a Haunted Junction ghost living in your bathroom?"

Toilet Hanako: ^-^ [from the bathroom] "Hai hai!"

Jolt: ^-^ [skipping off to the bathroom] "Wicked!"

        Alexander sighed as he pulled his head out from Chaos' wall scroll. "I think our dad's missing the point. Aren't you guys supposed to be restricted to just the Sailor Moon universe?"
        Dark Mayhem shrugged. "Our author decided he wasn't having enough fun abusing us with only one universe."
        Samantha chuckled darkly. "You wouldn't believe how many times we've heard arrogant avatars give us *that* excuse for lame crossovers."
        "So," Chaos asked carefully. "How much of our series do you know about?"
        Alexander set Catastrophe down on the kitchen counter, concentrating on the fridge contents. "They say it's best for us to have only a rough idea of any series we screen for MST consideration. That way we're not too biased going in. We know your names are all titles of Mass Destruction, that you're centred in the Sailor Moon world, and--
what's with all the Jello in here?"
Havoc: [popping up behind Samantha!] "Hotcha! Jello is a girl's best friend at the Planet Hentai's wrestling pit!"

        Samantha whirled, a battle aura flaring up around her. It fizzled moments later when she saw the Hentenno giving her his Chichiri grin. "What the?" she asked, reading his DOJI BOY sweater. "Just what are you?"
        Havoc stepped forward. "Why, I'm glad you asked. Cue my Aika girl chorusline!"

Fanboys: o.O

        [Cue Havoc & the Aika girl chorusline!]

Havoc & the Aika girls: [singing!] "Oh, the wonderful thing about Havoc is Havoc's a wonderful thing! His brain is made out of Jello, his ass is made out of spring!"

        "SUKEBE!" Pesti-chan exclaimed, punting Havoc through the balcony door.
        Samantha blinked, a very unimpressed expression on her face. "What...the hell was that?" Seconds later a very interesting draft blew past her. Samantha's eyes widened upon realizing that her underwear had gone missing.

Samantha: [stunned and not liking it] "Did that guy just steal my boxers?"

Havoc: [outside] "Hotcha! Ifurita-baby, you've returned to Hentenno-sama!"

Ifurita: [grrrr!] "I've got you now, you pervert! SHIN'NE!!!"
Havoc: ^-^ "Oro?"

        Alexander tilted his head and looked out the window. "What's going on out there?"        
        Chaos' eyes bugged out, the SD fanboy making a desperate leap for the open balcony door. He grabbed hold of the handle and slammed the door shut. A split second later an enormous wave of whipped cream splattered onto the windowpane.
        "Nothing!" Chaos said with a sincere smile. His eyes darted back to the Cream Lemon dripping down the window. "Um...we have really big birds in our fanfic."
        Samantha muttered something to herself, still puzzling over just how Havoc had managed to steal her underwear without even touching her first.
        "See, Samantha?" Chaos said with a sincere smile on his face. "It's nothing to worry your pretty little cleavage over!"
        "WHAT?!" Samantha exclaimed indignantly.
        Dark Mayhem and Pesti-chan smacked their foreheads in unison.
        "You know," Dark Mayhem remarked. "If anyone here is going to get this series MSTied, it's gonna be him."
        "Hai hai," Pesti-chan lamented.
        The fanboys turned around as a now clean Jolt emerged from the bathroom. "Well, that was an unexpected adventure," the MSTier remarked.

Toilet Hanako: ^-^ "Please come again!"

Jolt: ^^ "Hai!!"

        He turned to his fellow auditors. "Samantha, what's next on the agenda?"
        "We still have to finish the room checks," Samantha stated. "After that we can do some character interviews, and then check out Tokyo to see what sort of plot points these guys conjure up."
        Pesti-chan winced. "Shimatta! They hit Sarcasm's room full of her bishounen harem, and they'll pitch a fit!"
        "Okay," Chaos said, making a mad dash for the fridge. "I'll distract them, and you hide the harem."
        Dark Mayhem and Pesti-chan gave him incredulous looks.
        But it was already too late to appeal to Chaos' senses--provided he hadn't already given them away to charity. Chaos reached into the refrigerator and yanked out a jug of cold water, darting in between the trio of MSTiers and the hallway.
        "Careforsomewaterofcourseyoudoyoulookabsolutelyparchednothisisn'tanattempttohideallthescrewythingsinourfanfics!" Chaos rattled on, swinging into a Sana-chan rant mode.
        "Okay, okay, I'll have a glass!" Jolt protested, leaning back to avoid getting hit by Chaos' flailing SD arms.
        Unfortunately Chaos was so caught up in his hyperactive ranting, his grip on the jug of water was lost. With a loud "splash!" the pitcher was sent right onto a rather startled Jolt.

Alexander & Samantha: "......"

Chaos: [big Bambi eyes] "Um...oops?"

Pesti: "Hai...'oops.'"

        However an even bigger surprise was lurking just around the next paragraph. In a puddle of water sat a cute young brunette, blinking in surprise. Everyone abruptly pulled back as Jolt stood up.
        "What? What's wrong?" he--er, she asked.
        "You're a girl!!!" Alexander exclaimed.

Jolt-chan: [reaching down to feel his--er, her chest] "*Ack!* What the...KYAAAAHH!!!"

Samantha: [shaking her head] "Son of a...okay, this is officially screwed up!"

Dark Mayhem: "You just figured that out now?"

Page 3
Back to Fanfics