Anyhoo, Pesti-chan managed to salvage what was left of himselves and reformed. He then wound up showing the MSTiers his room, which was probably the only normal place in the entire apartment.
        With the MST threat cleared for now, Chaos and Dark Mayhem returned their attention to the now fairly sedate Carnage.
        "What was this about M-66?" Chaos asked, munching from his bag o' complimentary popcorn.
        "The M-66 is a Masamune Shirow creation," Dark Mayhem explained. "A killer assassin robot made by the military. In the Black Magic M-66 OVA, she winds up getting activated and smashes through a good portion of
Tokyo just to execute her target...who was the creator's granddaughter, Ferris."
        "Ah, I see," Chaos said with a nod. Abruptly his eyes ballooned out. "Ne, then just who is her target now?"
        Carnage scratched his head. "That's the problem. You see, for the initial testing phase, I had programmed her to destroy only Chaos."
        "Ah, I see," Chaos agreed. "You reprogrammed her so that she'd target and kill--WHAT?!"
        "However," Carnage continued. "Thanks to Mihoshi's meddling, the M-66 got reprogrammed to terminate *all* the fanboys."

Chaos: o.O;;; "KYAAAAAAAAAA!!! TASUKETEEEEEE!!!"

Carnage: [clocking Chaos with the Zanba sword] "Are you done yet?"

Chaos: [sniffling] "I was going to be in another thirty seconds."

        "Gee, thanks for making me a part of this, Carnage," Dark Mayhem said, very unimpressed. "But out of sheer curiousity, when the M-66 went active, did it not occur to you to just step on her with one of your Gundams?"
        "That's what I need to talk to you guys about," Carnage said. "Under normal circumstances I would have done just that...had the M-66 not commandeered one of the other mecha in my hangar bay."
        The three fanboys hushed their conversation as the MSTiers finished their sweep of Pesti-chan's bedroom and returned to the living room.

Pesti: [somewhat sheepish] "I am *so* sorry about that whole thigh-humping incident."

Samantha: [hmph] "Pervert."

Pesti: [hey!] "It's not my fault! Ever since F8!, I go into split personalities when I become multi-Super Deformed!"

        But what of inspecting Sarcasm's harem, you ask. At the time Pesti-chan split apart, SD Pesti-chan #2 had the presence of mind to put an Out of Order sign on Sarcasm's door. Thus, no more bishounen for you readers today.

Herself the Elf: "Awwww!!" :(

        --;; Don't you give me that pouty lip thing. I've indulged you enough as it is for this fic, Sarcasm.
        "So?" Dark Mayhem inquired, returning his attention to Carnage. "What did the M-66 steal?"
        Suddenly two enormous spotlights shone in through the apartment's balcony windows, the sliding door being thrown from its frame by a massive gust of air. Everyone gawked as an enormous spaceship hovered right in front of their suite.

Carnage: "The Nadesico."

Fanboys: o.O        

Catastrophe: ^-^ "chu chu!"

Ruri: "Baka."

Chaos: "She stole the Nadesico?!"

        "Wow!!" Alexander exclaimed through the wind. "What's that?!"
        "Tourists!" Chaos immediately shouted back. "They're just visitors here on a guided tour of the series! This happens all the time!"
        Pesti-chan took a step back. "Impressive how those tourists seem to know how to prime a transpositional cannon."
        Jolt-chan blinked as she watched the ship. "Okay, now this is definitely weird."
        "About as weird as that time we were in that El Hazard fanfic where the Eye of God suddenly went missing?" Samantha suggested.

Fanboys: [turning to Carnage] "......"

Carnage: "What? What?!"

Samantha: "Well, this is certainly a good time to test the integrity of their fic's plot devices."

Jolt-chan: "So what do you guys usually do in a situation like this?"

Chaos: o.O "RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!"

        And so the fanboys ran away!
        Each and every one of them reverting into SD mode, they grabbed hold of the startled MSTiers and dragged them out of the apartment. Pesti-chan broke down into his 6 SD versions, all of them freaking out and running into either each other or the wall before actually locating the door.

Jolt-chan: [being carried off by an SD Carnage-chan] "Those must be really obsessed fans."

Alexander: [being carried off by the Pesti-chans] "Somehow I don't think they're fans. Say, a little more support in the rear, please."

Samantha: --;; [being carried off by an SD Chaos-chan & Dark Mayhem-chan] "I'm not getting paid enough for this cameo."

        Just as the front door of the apartment was slammed shut behind one of the SD Pesti-chans, the bathroom door was opened up.

Toilet Hanako: ^-^ "Bye bye! Drop by anytime you like!"

Desolation: [waving] "Domo arigato! But where were you when I needed a bathroom in Oscar: Resurrection, Hanako-chan?"

        The lost fanboy walked into the living room, sighing as he dropped his pan-dimensional backpack on the coffee table. "Ne where'd my parasol disappear to?" he remarked.
        Abruptly his parasol dropped in from above, bonking him on the head. Desolation pulled his face out from the couch cushions, rubbing the bump poking out from his hair.
        "Itaaaiii!" he lamented. "I swear this parasol is still possessed by that Deathbuster daemon egg. Shimatta! First I get mowed down by Eudial's bad driving, and then I somehow manage to walk directly into her line of fire!"
        On the other hand, it was kind of nice knowing that Eudial hadn't been able to claim his pure heart. Then again, even he didn't know where it had disappeared to.
        Abruptly his pure heart dropped in from above, bonking him on the head. Desolation pulled his face out from the couch cushions, quickly bandaging up the blood spurting out from his hair. And it only took him a few minutes to realize he had also bandaged up the pure heart--which was still jabbed into his head.
        Desolation shook his head, surveying his newest location.
        It didn't take him too long to realize where he was.
        "Sugoi!" Desolation exclaimed happily. "I made it on time for the fic for once!"
        And so he proceeded to dance a happy li'l SD Desolation jig. Well, at least he tried to before he realized he had lost the order of the dance moves.
        "Ne, this is strange," he remarked, trying to find one of the other fanboys. "Just where is everyone?"
        He turned around, his eyes ballooning out as he saw the Nadesico priming its Gravity Blast.

Desolation: [sweatdrop!] "That's a really big-assed cannon."

        Abruptly the Nadesico's transpositional cannon died down, and the massive battleship shot upwards into the sky. Desolation breathed a sigh of relief in seeing it disappear far into the horizon.
        "I'm saved!" he proclaimed, the kana for "Hallelujah!" scrolling in behind him.
        And then it just so happened that the "rewind" function Dark Mayhem had used earlier caught up with the rest of the fanfic. Numerous Gentle Uteruses suddenly punched through the ceiling, all of them drawn towards his 'Wu' aura and crushing Desolation thoroughly.
        "I can't believe those things planned a dirty sneak attack," he exclaimed, wriggling his way out from the crater. "But I shall prevail!"
        Suddenly the entire apartment was overshadowed by the towering tsunami of Cream Lemon, a T-74 tank riding the crest.

Desolation (and Haruto): ;_; "OH MY GOD!"

        *SPLOOT!!!*


        [Cue the eyecatch!]





SD Alexander-chan: ^^ "Ohayo! Somebody cue the shameless website plugs!"

SD Samantha-chan: "Why are you so cheerful about shameless website plugging?"

SD Alexander-chan: ^^;; "Apulo the cat put an emotion-lock on me. I can't get out of it."

Apulo: [with Pia Poppo cookies!] "*Munch munch!* And I'm not taking that off until you promise to treat me to an all-I-can-eat dinner on Mars!"

SD Alexander-chan: ^^ "Help."


        [Cue the shameless website plugging!]


Tormented with a vile case of sanity? Then take a therapeutic and mindless visit to the Fanboys' Fan-tastic new home at:

http://carnage.fanfic.org


See Jolt's hyperactive and hideously extensive collection of rants, fics and MSTings at:

http://users.uniserve.com/~xwing


A fellow MSTier and fanboys conspirator, Nightbreak, deservedly should have his website revealed here:

http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Rampart/3552/


SVAM? What's SVAM? Well whether or not you wanted to know it, here they are anyways. Presenting a grand gallery of the worst fanfiction and best riffing ever (plus Megane 6.7) at:

http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/index.html






OMAKE THEATRE!!!



        Fanboy's Note: and now for something completely different. In an interesting if not ironic quirk of fate, yours truly has been given the gift of a ranting column on the "Anime on DVD" website. (www.animeondvd.com) The reason for this stems back to two different contests for DVDs that I entered.
        Why did I enter them when I don't even have a DVD player?
        No reason, actually.
        Did I care if I won the DVDs?
        No, not really.
        I just wanted to screw with someone's mind. And apparently it worked too!
        What you are about to read is the actual Email entry I submitted as to who Tenchi Masaki should ultimately wind up with at the end of the Tenchi Muyo! series, and why.....


        [Begin the transmission!]

Greetings!

His lordship Chaos here.

^-^ Ohayo, Oka-sama!!!

*Ahem!* Now then, let us get down to business on who should be the lucky bride for our hapless victim, Tenchi Masaki!


Option #1:

Ryo-Ohki.

"Woah! Hold it!" you all exclaim. "But she's a CABBIT!!!"

Yes, and your point is? We have to think practical! Work with me here, people! Work with me! First off, Ryo-Ohki is technically a *spaceship*. Think about it: you get to literally drive your wife to work, and just who on those congested highways is gonna honk angrily at an enormous spaceship that could crush their posh Mercedes Benz without even
noticing?

Now, if we take the Tenchi OVA's Ryo-Ohki after her encounter with the Mass, we do know for a fact that Ryo-Ohki has the option of being a rather attractive, athletic and nubile human female--albeit a little shaggy in the body hair department. (Insert your ill-advised Austin Powers "The Cabbit Who Shagged Me!" joke at your leisure here). Only
because the writers wanted a kawaii effect on the audience, and not a Gainax Bounce effect, lies the sole reason we have not seen more of sexy Ryo-Ohki.

And for the last, and by far most practical part of the bargain, if the marriage doesn't turn out, Tenchi can just eat Ryo-Ohki. Ever notice how Cabbit actually tastes like chicken?

Ah, I can see it now:

After a hard day at the shrine (and that "Ogenki Nurse Washu" incident he's not about to speak of ever again), Tenchi comes home early. Only instead of hearing Ryo-Oki's cheerful mewing, he instead hears a high-pitched hoot that sends shivers down his spine:

Mokona: ^^ "PU!!!"

Yes, Ryo-Ohki has been having an affair with Cephiro's resident demonic marshmellow-for-a-god, Mokona. At first Tenchi feels distraught and betrayed, and then angered at this happening. Suddenly his stomach growls.

About two to three hours later (give or take 10 minutes to allow for proper marinating), Tenchi is the proud new owner of a Mokona throw pillow, and trying out the newest recipe of "Cabbit Gumbo."

So there you have it: Ryo-Oki makes the perfect meal--er, bride, ne? Ne? Ne?

o.O;; Okaaaaay, I see some of you at the SPCAM (Society of Prevention of Cruelty to Anime Mascots) are objecting to this. Well, then what else could we suggest?


Option #2:

Ryoko. The lady can really make the sparks fly on her wedding night! No wait...that's Lum.

But what about Ayeka and her Juraian honeymoon S&M outfit? Now there's a Juraian princess who knows how to whip up a good time!


[This Email has been abruptly interrupted as the author is taken out and sack-beaten for his hideous misuse of puns. We apologize after the fact for any inconvenience. ^^]



Okay! Okay! You've left me no choice. I'll give you my prime choice for who Tenchi should marry in the end.

Option #3:

Tenchi at last comes to his senses, and runs off with Ranma Saotome right beside him. The two guys are seen a year later sharing a bachelor pad together on a beach where no horde of amorous, female would-be brides are chasing them down and inflicting gratuitous amounts of property damage.

Tenchi: "Oh Ran-chan, nobody understands me but you..."

^-^ Tee hee! Ja.


Lord Chaos.


        [End of transmission!]






OMAKE THEATRE EXTRA!!!




        Fanboy's Note: how ironic that someone whose world I have used & abused at my leisure would turn around and...write a song. But not just any song! Formerly known as "One Week" by the Bare Naked Ladies, my good
friend Nightbreak (author of the frighteningly well-done Chaosfic "Vampire Princess Michiru" and the upcoming "Sailor Scream" and "Quick & The Dead Moon Circus") has done a little revamping.

        And the result sounds a little something like this:



It's been . . .

One week since we got to see,
Dark Mayhem's date with fair Ami.
Five days since the special fic,
where we learned about what makes Havoc tick.
Three days since we heard the tale,
About the poor guy who learned he was a she-male.
Yesterday it occurred to me,
That I've been reading a bit too much of the Fanboys!

Holy cow, d'you see it last week?
They had this one freak
Who Dragu-Slaved his whole apartment,
Do you recall when the wall
collapsed in pieces in the hall
And the landlord called the fire department?
Hey, see the fairy with the harem?
she likes to scare 'em,
and have a lot of hootchie-coochie!
Now here comes Chaos' next guest,
and it's a hammerfest,
'Cause it's Naoko Takeuchi!
They're all head cases, frantic paces
It's like watching "Police Chases!"
They all exhibit embarrassing disorders.
Anarchy boozes, Sarcasm schmoozes,
Chaos loses, Riot muses
They get so out of hand they're breaking fanfic borders.

They're always running, smiting, Senshi-chasing, picking fights,
Is it fair? We don't care, they've got no rights.
Though there's Hotaru, who I'm sure feels a bit strange,
When she sees that Chaos transforms with a sex change.
The Senshi have a tendency to somehow put up with them
Though I'm sure that's just the author's evil whims.

It's been one week since we got to see,
Makoto make Pesti-chan Zoantrophy
Five days since Havoc's awful fall,
They still haven't got the Cream Lemon off the walls.
It's been three days since Chaos dropped a cow
It landed on him, so he's in traction now.
Yesterday, finally dawned on me,
That I've been spending way too much time on the Fanboys!

==
Anarchy: ^-^ [evil grin!] "Let the wanton character abuse begin!"

Carnage: [teary Bambi eyes!] "An-chaaaaaaan, what about me?"
==

==
Chaos-chan: ^^ "Welcome to yet another instalment of 'Ask Mister Uber Exploder Wizard'!"

Dark Schneider-chan: "Today we're here to talk about more ways to kick Chaos' ass!"

Chaos-chan: O.o
==

==
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! Panties panties panties!"

Sarcasm: [grrrr!] "LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT I DO TO PERVERTS, BUDDY!!"

Zel: "But you ARE rather ecchi yourself, dear."

Sarcasm: "Okay, MALE perverts." [tee hee!]
==

==
Pesti-chan: "Baka baka."

Dark Mayhem: "Might as well cue the rest of this song."
==

Once you start reading,
It's no good pleading,
Your brain goes numb
and your eyes start bleeding.
Chaos is the King of Goofiness,
His fics are a mess.
He puts the "WHACK" in Wackiness.
Pesti, Mayhem, Carnage, and Desolation,
Anarchy and Sarcasm.
Ruckus and Riot have just joined the cast.
Don't forget Havoc and Hysteria,
(I'm out of material,
But I gotta make this song last)

Chaos writes a fic, everybody's sick
He gets a kick, beat with a stick
His little sister Anarchy can be pretty mean,
And pretty soon, that Carnage goon
stomps in the room and it's "BOOM"
in the face of the unsuspecting drag queen.

Well, it's the kind of fic where things never go right,
Leather-clad, really mad ladies visit every night.
"JO'O-SAMA!!" Now Chaos starts his favourite chant.
Should I turn off my comp? I just can't.
I have a tendency to read it religiously
I have a habit of saving each fic.

It's been one week since the fic about,
Diol's mad plan which really didn't work out.
Five days since the Omake,
Where Beans and Chaos were switched in their bodies,
Three days since the last preview
What on earth will their author do?
Yesterday it occurred to me,
That I've been reading a bit too much of the Fanboys!
Tired of wasting my time on all those Fanboys!
I've way too tired to read some more Fanboys!
Do me a favour and keep down the noise? ^^



        ^-^ Hotcha!

        Incredible amounts of kudos (and repair bills to the Club Anipike) goes out to Nightbreak for this twisted rendition! Since Nightbreak himself is a MSTier, it seems only poetic that his tribute should show up here, ne? Ne? Ne?

        -Lord Chaos.


Part 2
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