Get Ready To Riff For The Fanboy!
Chaos: [torched li'l fanboy] "Tasuketeeeeeeeeee!!! Our doomsday has arrived! We're about to get MSTied and
nobody's here to save us!"
Pesti: "Ano...Chaos? They haven't even MSTied us yet. They're still auditing our series to see if we're MST-worthy."
Dark Mayhem: [eye roll!] "Now what do you think the odds of that happening are, given how we've got the M-66
assassin robot after us?"
Pesti: [nod!] "In the Nadesico, no less."
Chaos: "You two are not helping my paranoia!"
Alexander & Samantha: [sweatdrop!] "......"
Havoc: ^-^ [groping Samantha] "Hmmmm...same red hair, same volatile personality, and even moreso: same breast size! Are you *sure* you're not related to Lina Inverse?"
Chaos: [punting Havoc out of the obligatory intro. bit!] "SHADDUP, YA PERVERT!!"
Alexander: "These guys are only validating my inherent mistrust of avatars."
[Cue Sarcasm, who throws Alexander over her shoulder and starts to walk off with him!]
Sarcasm: ^^ "You may not be from an Anime, but you're too cute to pass up. Now don't worry; both Zel-chan and
Marron-chan can attest that the leash is actually quite fun to wear."
Chaos: "Sarcasm, no! He's not under contractual obligations, so put the MSTier down!"
Alexander: [panicky li'l MSTier] "Yes! Please do!"
Sarcasm: [pouting] "You men have no sense of adventure."
Dark Mayhem: "This coming from the fangirl whose idea of a workout involves a bishounen, a bed, and a cigarette."
Sarcasm: [whacking Dark Mayhem with her Zanba spatula] "That's a lie! I've never smoked in my life!"
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! Samantha's always welcome for a Rule 3 nyotaimori buffet at the Planet Hentai!"
Chaos: [still smouldering] "Sarcasm, you are not making Alexander one of your 47 Shonen! Havoc, quit fondling
Samantha's less than impressive cleavage! And as for you...."
Jolt-chan: [pretty Bambi eyes] "Yes?"
Chaos: [grrr!] "You do not, I repeat DO NOT, ever ask Carnage to make a pillar of fire!"
Jolt-chan: "I asked him *if* he knew how! If! IF!"
Carnage: [shrug!] "Well, I can either way."
Chaos: [grrr!] "You used me as the kindling!!"
Alexander: "How could SVAM just throw us to the wolves like this?"
Samantha: "What do you mean SVAM? We're in *their* fic, remember. Their maniac of an author is behind all this insanity...and you're letting him get away with it, Father!"
Jolt-chan: [taking notes] "Hold on. And what's next?"
Chaos: "Now apply the lipstick gently, but firmly. Make sure to have steady movements so colour doesn't appears
wavy or uneven."
Dark Mayhem: [smacking his forehead] "Yare yare. So now what?"
Anarchy: [with Sake!] "What else? Let's all get pissed!"
[Cue the facevaults...and the Cameofic!]
An FBZ FANBOYS CAMEOFIC: CURSE OF THE OTAKINATOR!!!
Part II: All Of You, Riff Like You Want To Survive!
Written by: His Lordship Chaos
(Extra mindless things provided by Jolt!)
Greetings and hallucinations!
Well when last we left our fanboys at the eyecatch, they were being mobbed by a crowd of big-breasted Anime babes who wanted to go to the beach and take their tops off for the guys.
No wait...that's where I was at the eyecatch!
MWAH HA HA HAH HA HAH!!!
Indeed it was a dire situation. With their series on the verge of being MSTied to Moon Kingdom come, Chaos was desperately trying to cover up the somewhat noticeably strange plot devices. And with said devices including a
lifetime supply of fuzzy pink handcuffs, there was certainly good reason to panic.
Yes, just when it looked like everything was at last going Chaos' way...he had obviously overlooked something. Namely, the author.
^-^ Aaah, I've gotta be me!
Anyhoo, now the fanboys had to pretend that their fanfics were actually half normal, hide their disorders, *and* contend with a killer robot in a very big spaceship trying to hunt them all down and turn them into throw rugs. Or throw pillows in the case of Pesti-chan, should he do the 6-way SD split before he gets himself done in.
Pesti: "Excuse me, but there's nothing in our character contracts that even mentions us being turned into an
article of furniture!"
Dark Mayhem: [scanning the contracts] "Let me see...the author screws with us...author screws with us...author
screws with us yet again...author smites us! There's a change...author screws with us...author holds the right to
eternally screw with us."
Pesti: [eyebrow twitch!] "So does that mean being turned into furniture *is* in our contract after all?"
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! According to my contract, I'm entitled to a free spanking by the leather-clad babe of my choice every page...and a free sponge bath with my choice of condiment too!"
Alexander: [rereading the contract] "Good lord, he's right."
Fanboys: --;; "......"
Alexander: [eyebrow twitch!] "And according to this, it's also illegal to stick Pokemon down your pants for the
purposes of gambling."
Chaos: [with rustling pant legs] "Aw, dammit! There's goes my five hundred yen!"
Samantha: "Okay, that's definitely going on their permanent MST record."
Chaos: "But I've only got two Charmanders and a Diglett down here!"
Catastrophe: ^-^ "chu chu!"
Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAA!!! Watch what you're chomping on, Catastrophe!!"
[Cue the facevaults!]
So then, what shall become of our fanboys? What shall become of our MSTiers? And whatever shall become of that great and epic sequel to Hysteria's favourite bedtime book: Captain Bob Stupendous & his Caterpillars of Doom versus the giant, cannibal soufflé in...THE NETHERWORLD IN MY ICE BOX.
Hysteria: ^-^ "Ooooh! Coming soon to a kawaii little bookstore-chan nearest you, ne? Ne? Ne?"
Ah, but I rant!
Having managed to dodge the M-66 (inside her newly acquired Nadesico), the fanboys at last managed to come to a full and complete stop. Unfortunately, for Chaos, he didn't put his tray table back to its full and upright position.
Alexander was not impressed when said tray table smacked him in the face. He was even less thrilled upon discovering that Chaos' usual translation of "full and complete stop" involved running straight into a wall.
Alexander: @.@ "Refresh my memory: just what part of a normal and sedate fanfic was this?"
Chaos: [panicky li'l fanboy] "Kyaaaaa!! Daijobu, Alexander; that was merely an isolated incident. There's
no need to MST us because of that; usually the airbags are deployed before we run into the wall."
[Cue the deploying airbags that send Chaos bouncing into the skies!]
"What kind of avatar is he supposed to be anyways?" Samantha inquired, watching him disappear off in the distance.
Dark Mayhem shrugged. "Depends on what gender he is at the time."
Samantha gawked. "He changes genders?!" Her eyes narrowed. "He's not a hermaphrodite, is he?"
"Noooo," the other fanboys chorused, all seized by a case of involuntary shivers.
Jolt-chan coughed as he--er, she dusted herself off. "Well, that was an interesting mad dash across Jyuban. But was there any particular reason that flying battleship full of tourists wasted the Shinjuku Highrises? If I didn't know any better, I'd say those tourists were trying to kill us."
"That?" Chaos piped up, abruptly jumping in front of the other fanboys. "It's just their quirky way of showing their appreciation. You know how bent obsessed fans can get, ne?"
"At least we didn't use the Samurai Pizza Cats delivery cannon to escape," Pesti-chan muttered, sprawled out on the ground. "Now I'll never be able to have my date thanks to you, mecha-boy!"
"And just what makes this my fault?!" Carnage snapped, leaning against a phone booth. "Was I the one who turned into six super-deformed versions of myself when I saw a nekkid Ami in the library jacuzzi?"
Alexander glanced over at Dark Mayhem, who now had a silly grin on his face. "Um, you are aware that you're starting to smoke. Right?"
Dark Mayhem waved it aside. "Daijobu. It's my faulty dating chromosome; I explode every time Ami-chan shows up with some sort of hentai gimmick. Even a flash of skin is enough to make me detonate."
"Mayhem!" Chaos hissed, dousing the uber exploder fanboy with a bucket of cold water. "Now is not the time to talk about how you turned Ami into a purring sex kitten!"
Samantha: [slowly turning around] "Sex...kitten?"
Chaos: o.O "Um...oh look, a pervert!"
Havoc: ^-^ [bounding across the scene] "Hotcha! I've got Canal's panties! I've got Canal's panties!"
Kane Bluewater: [chasing after Havoc] "Give those back, you freak! Canal, you're a computer hologram. Just how did
he manage to steal your underwear anyways?!"
Canal: [gomen!] "System error desu."
Samantha: "Hey! That's the guy who groped me in your apartment!"
Chaos: [sweatdrop!] "I swear we've never seen that pervert before in our fics."
Havoc: ^-^ "Call me Hentenno!"
Jolt-chan: [looking down at a drenched newt] "Hey look. This one's got a Jusenkyo curse too!"
Alexander: "But...a newt? Can they even drown?"
Newt Schneider: [with sign] *Well obviously this one did!*
Jolt-chan: "Sarcastic little guy, isn't he?"
Newt Schneider simply gave Chaos a mildly annoyed look...and then seconds later belched out a Guns N' Ro spell that allowed Chaos to make a li'l brick angel in the wall across the street.
Courtesy of a handy pan-dimensional kettle o' warm water, Dark Mayhem was able to revert back to his fanboy/uber exploder wizard hybrid self. He also decided to have Jolt-chan go back to being just Jolt.
"Hmph," Jolt sulked. "And I was starting to have fun with that too."
"You can play dress-up all you want *after* we've audited this series," Samantha countered sternly. "I just can't believe that with all the absolutely bizarre things these guys have in their world...no one at SVAM has ever noticed them."
Alexander tapped his half-sister on the shoulder. "Speaking of bizarre things, you should really take a look at this."
Everyone glanced over their shoulders just in time to see all six irate SD Pesti-chans pouncing on an irate SD Carnage. The resulting melee had a large dust cloud with faces and fists and stars bouncing all over the road. And right into oncoming traffic.
A yellow convertible tried to swerve to avoid the battle, but only succeeded in bouncing over the curb and running into a fire hydrant. A geyser of cold water instantly went spraying all over the place. Jolt and Dark Mayhem's Jusenkyo curses kicked in instantly, a stunned female and a very unimpressed Newt Schneider sweatdropping moments before they both made a frantic dash as the SD battle cloud rolled their way.
By now the cloud was turning into a funnel, the mini-tornado whipping onto the sidewalk and flinging mailboxes, telephone poles, and a hapless 'Wu' in every direction!
Pai: "Wah! Yakumo!"
Yakumo: o.O "Not agaaaaaaaain!!"
Now the sight of Yakumo's immortal body flailing through the air surprised a truck driver, who tried to turn away before receiving a new 'Wu' hood ornament. However the vehicle rolled instead as the cylindrical load it was hauling fishtailed wildly across the lanes of traffic.
Chaos and Alexander immediately dove for cover. Samantha stood her ground, eyes flashing as she invoked the power of her inner soul. Seconds later a magical blast tore through the tanker with relative ease. Unfortunately, the tanker had been hauling rocket fuel at the time, which was ignited by Samantha's inner soul. Needless to say, detonation was instantaneous. Samantha's eyes widened as she leaped aside, leaving Chaos and Alexander to defend themselves against the raging inferno.
Chaos & Alexander: --;; [smoking li'l guys] "Thanks."
Samantha: [shrug!] "Hey, I haven't memorized the kanji for fuel yet, okay! Is that a crime?"
Meanwhile, the cyclone of SD Pesti-chans and Carnage was still swirling amok. Abruptly from inside the funnel a loud "BUSTER BEEEEAAAMMMM!!!" was heard. The resulting explosion took out three parked cars, flinging them into the higher floors of the nearby buildings. The back halves of the vehicles stuck out from the broken windows, tires spinning and hazard lights blinking cheerfully.
And naturally, since SD Pesti-chan #3 was pure pervert, Carnage's attack resulted in the tornado acting as a blender without a lid. A geyser of whipped cream went splattering in every direction. Within seconds, a flashflood of Cream Lemon covered the entire street.
"Well," Carnage remarked, brushing some stray bits of whipped cream from off his shirt. "That made for an interesting two minutes." He glanced over at all the pairs of SD Pesti-chan legs sticking up from the white cream, and shook his head. "Like shooting Leo's in a barrel."
"The least you could have done was ensured that you didn't nuke the barrel in the process," Dark Mayhem said. "Ironically enough, I saw a street sweeper leave this block just moments before your little quarrel began."
"They started it!" Carnage protested. "Besides, it's not like this *doesn't* happen on a regular basis."
And right then Carnage was abruptly clobbered by an army of falling herrings.
"Just what is your problem?!" Chaos exclaimed, irately stomping over to the other fanboys. "Are you deliberately trying to get our works MSTied? Do you want our fics to be mocked and laughed at?!"
"At this point in time, I'd let them riff the entire series if it meant getting a nice hot bath with Ami-chan," Dark Mayhem replied as he tried to flick Cream Lemon off his sleeve.
Pesti-chan, fully intact now, emerged from the whipped cream puddle. "Speaking of our auditors, where'd they disappear to?"
Chaos: o.O "Oh no! We've drowned them in Cream Lemon!"
Dark Mayhem: "Think the courts will believe us avatars that it was an accidental MSTier killing?"
Pesti: --;; "If we wind up on that Con Anime plane again...."
"Oh, please!" Carnage scoffed. "We're fanboys! If we actually were going to kill three MSTiers, we'd do it much more extravagantly."
"Like how?" Chaos retorted. "Send the M-66 robot in the Nadesico after them?!"
He was instantly stepped on by a landing Valkyrie.
"That was uncalled for," Carnage stated.
Pesti-chan absently glanced over his shoulder, and saw movement. "Don't let that throbbing vein in your forehead explode again, Chaos; the MSTiers are alive after all."
One by one Jolt, Alexander and Samantha staggered out from the debris field, cleverly disguised as snowmen to infiltrate the rest of the Cameofic undetected.
"What...was that?" Jolt asked in a distant voice, evidently still in shock.
"Call it the Chaosfic Theory in full effect," Dark Mayhem sighed, wiping the whipped cream off his glasses.
"Chaos scribbles down something unintelligible here, and at Studio Anipike you get a Suzaku Seishi in drag being
chased around by a horde of Rule 3 abiding women."
"And just what was so bad about Mitsukake-chan in Wonderland?" Chaos demanded.
He turned back to the utterly totalled street, whipped cream smothering most everything from the waist down. Cars were sticking out from scattered locations, some with the front end and others the back end being the only visible part. A few fires were being put out by Carnage using a Demona Crystal spell.
Abruptly one of the cars lodged in the third floor of the office tower overhead slid out, crashing right on top of Chaos. Samantha groaned and grabbed the bumper of the car, flinging the vehicle over her shoulder.
"So do you normally invoke this much property damage, or is this one of those 'rare and special days?'"
Alexander inquired, ready to write more auditing notes down.
"We'd be more inclined to argue that our fics aren't as rare as they are half-baked," Dark Mayhem replied.
"Hush!" Chaos snapped. "Look, it might seem that we've done a lot of damage here, but it's completely reversible!"
Carnage: "Not exactly, Chaos. We get one Recovery spell per actual fanfic--and this ain't one of them."
Chaos: [sweatdrop!] "Ano...at least it wasn't as bad as when Carnage pulled that Satellite Strike last week."
Alexander: "Wait. You mean that guy controls mecha, Slayers spells, *and* orbital platforms?!"
Chaos: ;_; [crying li'l fanboy!] "Okay, I confess! Carnage is a complete mass destruction fanatic! We're no longer
getting paid; all our paychecks go to cover the damages he invokes!"
Carnage: "Hey! I'll have you know that GENOM's little black box, Cynthia, was the one who caused last week's
Satellite Strike, not me!"
"chu chu!" squeaked a tiny voice.
Moments later a stunned group of MSTiers watched as Catastrophe-chan's head popped up through the Cream Lemon. The kawaii li'l baby SD Godzilla-thingy for a mascot then proceeded to ravenously devour all the whipped cream on the street. Now Chaos would have appreciated this, had it not revealed how totalled the street was...not to mention that Catastrophe had eaten his Tamahome Hilfiger pants in the process.
Samantha couldn't help but snicker as she raised one of her eyebrows. "Super deformed Gourry-cow boxer shorts, Chaos?"
"Excuse me," Chaos said to the MSTier delegation, quickly wrapping a pan-dimensional towel around himself. "But I can't start my day in any fic without first girding my loins with my trusted smiting bovines."
"Did that make sense to anyone here?" Alexander asked. Jolt and Samantha shook their heads. "Ah, good; I'm not starting to go to the dark side of the Fic after all."
Pesti-chan sighed. "Look, I think what he's trying to say is that while a lot of things got blown up, no one was hurt."
"Not yet, anyways," Carnage countered.
Chaos' kawaii li'l kitty ears sprouted up. "Na ni?"
Suddenly who should appear skipping down the debris-strewn road but--!
Hotaru: ^-^ [glomp!] "Chaos-chan!"
Chaos: [panicky li'l SD fanboy] "No, it's not what you think! I do not have a Lolita Complex! This is not Hotaru's 7th Birthday Party!!"
Dark Mayhem turned and waved as Haruka and Michiru stepped into the Cameofic. He froze, realizing that he had accidentally been captured in one of the Outer Senshi pair's still shots and thus being suddenly reduced to scribbly pastel colours.
"Whaddaya know," Jolt remarked, dodging a few of the obligatory rose petals that blew past him. "Those two do that no matter what fanfic we've ever gone to."
Samantha winced. "I just wish they didn't have to have that damned chorus of humming voices every time."
Pesti-chan waved to Haruka and Michiru as they stopped alongside him. "So, what exactly brings the Outer
Senshi here?" he asked.
"Whose yellow convertible do you think spun out of control into the fire hydrant, thanks to your super-deformed cyclone?" Haruka inquired darkly.
Pesti-chan gulped. "A-Ano...."
"Daijobu," Michiru said reassuringly. "We'll just send you the auto detailing bills later."
"I could fix it for free," Carnage offered.
Michiru chuckled. "No thanks. I don't think we need an Omega Drive replacing the engine of our car."
"But think of the mileage you'll get with that baby," Carnage said. "We're talking speed-of-light cruise control here!"
Dark Mayhem rolled his eyes. "Carnage, these two young ladies usually just want to drive and visit other cities, not other planets."
"Curious," Jolt said quietly to Alexander. "These guys evidently know the Senshi's alter egos, and the Senshi don't mind. Think it's another SI avatar mindgame?"
"Quite frankly," Alexander stated. "I'd be impressed if any of these avatars actually had a mind to play games with."
Hotaru: ^^ "There's a few games I know I wouldn't mind playing with you, Chaos-chan."
Chaos: [sweatdrop!] "Aha haaaaa...you don't say."
Haruka: [pulling out her sheathed Space Sword] "If any of those games include the word 'strip'...."
Chaos: o.O "Jo'o-sama."
Samantha shook her head as she watched a hapless Chaos try to fend off the 12 year-old harbinger of Saturn. "Your author really lets you get away with a lot, doesn't he?"
Dark Mayhem shrugged. "Evidently you haven't seen Haruka and Michiru in their dominatrix modes. But in all honesty, I'm surprised our author even let you guys into our series. He dislikes having his twisted style cramped by MST politics."
"Diplomatic immunity," Jolt explained. "All officially registered MSTiers have that. It's like an unlimited access card to any fic out on the Net."
Carnage: "What about the Avatar Protection Program?"
Jolt: [???] "You mean we missed some?"
Chaos: ^^;; "We didn't say that!"
"That is strange," Pesti-chan agreed. "Just where is His lordship Chaos anyways? You'd think he of all people would want to keep us from becoming MST fodder."
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