* * *
Had His lordship Chaos gone the way of Waldo and marketed himself into a highly-successful series of "hide
and seek" books? Actually...no. We're still working on that much anticipated Captain Bob Stupendous & his Caterpillars of Doom sequel, 'The Netherworld In My Icebox.'
Hysteria: ^^ "Hai! Coming to a kawaii little bookstore-chan nearest you, ne? Ne? Ne?"
--;; Arigato for that short but pointless product plug, Hysteria. Anyhoo, onwards with the gratuitous author
"Aaaah!" Jamie "Jolt" Jeans sighed, leaning back in the bubbling jacuzzi. He tipped back his head and closed
his eyes as he let a kawaii female writing assistant massage his shoulders. "This is truly the life!"
"Hai hai," His lordship Chaos agreed, leaning back on the other side of the spacious hottub. "Care for more
The illustrious (if not notorious) author of 'Curse of the Fanboys!!!' motioned to one of his other kawaii
female writing assistants. "Another hit of Jolt cola for my guest, and the usual Hard Lemonade for me."
"Hai!" the kawaii writing assistant said with a smile.
The MST writer turned to His lordship Chaos. "Are you sure it's safe to leave the Cameofic to its own devices? Shouldn't we at least check on their progress?"
His lordship Chaos sighed. "Yare yare; you worry too much. Believe me, these fics almost always write
themselves. The fanboys don't even know I'm only ever there for a third of the plot."
"What if the fic runs too long?"
"Then we just slap on an eyecatch and cue a part Three."
One of the female writing assistants returned with a tray carrying the requested drinks. Since he was the
guest, Jamie expected to get served first. But since His lordship Chaos was in control of this scene, he got his drink before anyone else.
Jamie tipped his head back and proceeded to chug all three bottles of his overly caffinated drink. "I wish I
had asked for us to do a Cameofic sooner."
His lordship Chaos gawked at the speed the cola was consumed. "You ever consider joining a Joltaholics
"Nothing. But really, it's all in the way you work yourself into the story," His lordship Chaos explained.
"True, if the Fourth Wall remains intact, then the avatars are the gods...but when the Fourth Wall has been shattered
by a wrecking ball, and we're tapdancing across the debris field, I'm the god!!! Mwah ha hah ha hah!!"
A sweatdrop appeared next to Jamie's face. "You're like an evil Ed Wood, you know that?"
[Cue an SD Dark Schneider & SD Chaos popping up & taking over the Cameofic!]
SD Chaos-chan: ^^ "Ohayo! And welcome to another instalment of 'Ask Mister Uber Exploder Wizard!'"
SD Dark Schneider-chan: [walking in with a donut & coffee] "Aw, to hell with this. It's too damned early for me to do
one of these segments."
SD Chaos-chan: [sweatdrop!] "Ano...it's three-thirty in the afternoon."
SD Dark Schneider-chan: "Are you disagreeing with me?"
SD Chaos-chan: ^^ [erk!] "No!"
SD Dark Schneider-chan: "Good. Then get your ass in gear and host this segment. If I hear any bad reviews, I'll
personally annihilate you."
SD Chaos-chan: [sweatdrop!] "Gee...thanks. Anyhoo, the 4th Wall is a technical term which refers to movies and
stories. In essence, this 'wall' is a dimensional barrier; anyone inside of it should not be aware that they're characters whose lives are being written by an outside author."
SD Dark Schneider-chan: [offside] "You're boring me!"
SD Chaos-chan: o.O;; "Let me summarize: if you break the 4th Wall, then that means your fictitious characters know
that they're fictitious characters. Technically this is a no-no, because the story your characters are in should be the only reality they know."
SD Dark Schneider-chan: "Ha! I know I'm real. But you're just the fictional fanfic character, Chaos!"
SD Chaos-chan: --;; "Wiseass. If only he knew the Bastard!! manga was waaaay longer than the 6-part OVA series."
SD Dark Schneider-chan: [grrrr!] "What was that?"
SD Chaos-chan: ^^ "And that about ends it for 'Ask Mister Uber Exploder Wizard!' Join us again next week when you
can hear Dark Schneider-chan say--"
SD Dark Schneider-chan: "HALLOWEEN!!!!"
SD Chaos-chan: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
[Transmission abruptly terminated.]
Jamie looked up at the 'obligatory explanation segment' that had interrupted their scene. "That was surreal."
His lordship Chaos grinned. "I haven't become the author that I am by simply playing it sane. And since
we're not actually in the Cameofic, therapeutic massages and jacuzzi baths for everybody!"
Jamie: ^^ "Hai!"
Havoc: [reclining in the jacuzzi] "Ne, could I get a Happochino while we're at it?"
Jamie: o.O [sweatdrop!] "......"
His lordship Chaos sighed. "Yare yare. Havoc, I know I created you move at the speed of Perv, but you could at least give us warning first. An Email, a telephone call, a draft racing past my kawaii female assistants; anything
Abruptly a chorus of startled shrieks echoed from every last one of the author's writing assistants.
His lordship Chaos turned to Havoc. "And I'll want those back before you leave. You already have three pairs
of panties from each of them."
"Just what is Havoc doing here outside of the Cameofic anyways?" Jamie asked.
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! Special delivery; as you requested, as the Hentenno delivers. Ano...you wanted Faye Valentine's
panties to add to your collection, ne?"
[A kawaii female assistant leans over and shows the author a clipboard.]
His lordship Chaos: [studying the list] "Definitely. Haven't acquired hers yet. What else do you have?"
Havoc: "Ano...Arashi's panties from X, Tira and Chocolate Misu's from the Bakuretsu OVAs, and Ruri-chan's from the
Nadesico movie. Oh, and these too. Now normally I don't steal the silken darlings from someone like Amelia, but since it *is* you--"
His lordship Chaos: --;; [snatching the panties] "Give me thoooooose!"
Jamie: [sweatdrop!] "Suddenly the fact that Havoc gets away with so much makes perfect sense."
Havoc: "Did you want a pair?"
Jamie: [cautiously] "Whose do you have?"
Havoc: "Whose do you want?"
Jamie: ^-^ "Hotcha!"
* * *
Meanwhile, back in the fanfic, things hadn't really improved. In anything they just got weirder--not that it
should come as much of a surprise to anyone.
"So you're saying that this is a normal fanfic--despite all we've been through in just the past five minutes alone?" Samantha pressed, highly suspicious.
Dark Mayhem waved it aside. "In our world, this is pretty damned benign. You haven't even met everyone yet."
Alexander gawked. "You mean there's more of you out there?"
"Regretfully yes," Pesti-chan sighed. "Look, Makoto's going to kill me if I show up any later for her date. Can
I go now or what?"
The two MSTiers slowly turned back to face Pesti-chan.
Alexander: "You're...dating Sailor Jupiter?"
Samantha: "And that's not self-gratuitous?"
Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "Not when I've got Sailor Dragqueen over there vying for her affections whenever she shows up.
At least I don't grope her every chance I get!"
Suddenly Chaos stormed onto the scene, Hotaru being given a piggyback by him. "I do not fondle my Mako-chan's bosoms!" he exclaimed as he let Hotaru off.
"*Your* Mako-chan?!" Pesti-chan shot back.
"Yes, she's mine," Chaos stated, pointing over to the direction of Makoto's apartment. "I am the overlord after
all, and I would never grope her unless she asked me to!"
Jolt tapped Chaos on the shoulder. "You do realize where your hand is, right?"
Sweatdrops appeared next to everyone's heads as they looked back and saw Makoto standing right beside Chaos--not to mention his index finger being someplace it really shouldn't have been.
Chaos: o.O [poke poke!] "I sense a nipple and a really painful smiting."
Makoto: [grrrr!] "Duo!!"
And with that, the fair Mako-chan proceeded to punt Chaos into the skies. Hotaru sighed as she watched the
spinning dot of a fanboy soar over the buildings. "I really wish he'd stop doing that," she said.
"What are you doing here?" Carnage asked as Makoto walked over to Pesti-chan.
"He was late, and I got worried," she replied. "I was going to take another route to your apartment until I
heard the explosions. That's always been a dead giveaway to your location."
Fanboys: [looking at Carnage] "......"
Carnage: "Oh, grow up! I always make sure you can see pillars of fire too. Forget about reaching out and touching someone; I want to reach out and smite someone."
Alexander: "Have you ever tried therapy?"
Carnage: [sipping his tea] "They usually run away screaming--that is, if I haven't managed to Dragu Slave them by then."
Samantha massaged her temples as she approached Makoto and Pesti-chan. "Does Chaos...Duo usually do that
sort of thing to you?"
"On a regular basis," Pesti-chan replied.
"I was asking Makoto," Samantha countered.
Makoto gave a lamenting sigh. "No, he's right. This happens on a regular basis." She looked at the MSTiers.
"And who might you be? Are you friends of theirs?"
"Depends on how this fic pans out," Alexander answered, glancing at his notepad crammed with MST
scribbles. "And it's not looking too good--especially since 'Duo' decided to fondle you."
Suddenly Chaos came back down from orbit, nicely torched from burning up on re-entry. He crashed down onto the road and was up on his feet seconds later.
"Hey!" Chaos exclaimed emphatically as he waved his SD arms in protest. "I do not grope the Senshi!"
Dark Mayhem rolled his eyes. "Then pray tell, just what are you doing to Hotaru?"
Chaos: o.O;; [grope grope!] "......"
Pesti: "What was that about 'reach out and touch someone', Carnage?"
Carnage: --;; "Shut up. And get your hands off her chest, Chaos before I forcefully detach them from the rest of
Jolt: "Dead perv groping!"
Hotaru: [sigh!] "Kimochi...."
Haruto: ;_; "OH MY GOD!!!"
Chaos: "I don't care what kind of distraction this is; I'll take it!!!"
And off a terrified li'l SD Chaos bounded.
Jolt consulted their now vast quantities of MST notes on the Fanboys! series, shaking his head at what they had already witnessed. "I don't understand it," he said. "We've barely even met these otaku, and already we've got bizarre things that make whatever's in Kintobar's pan-dimensional closet seem tame by comparison. I don't even know how to classify them."
"We should really start talking with the Senshi then," Samantha stated. "I for one want to figure out just what kind of avatars these fanboys are supposed to be."
Alexander sighed, glancing over his shoulder--only to see Haruka and Michiru chasing after Chaos. This ordinarily wouldn't have too bad nor too disturbing, had it not been for the fact that Chaos was wearing a red dress...and that the two Outer Senshi were now in Red Queen mode.
Red Queen Haruka: [with Space Sword!] "Chaos, how dare you cop a feel off our Hime-chan!"
Dominatrix Michiru: [with whip!] "You know this means you have to be punished, Chaos!!"
Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! TASUKETEEEEEE!!!"
"Uh...Samantha?" Alexander said, frantically tapping his older sister's shoulder for her attention.
The tapping increased when he saw Hotaru chasing after Michiru and Haruka.
Red Queen Hotaru: [with a Silence Whip!] "Haruka-poppa! Michiru-momma! How can I date Chaos-chan if you hurt him too severely?"
Dominatrix Haruka: "That's the idea, Hotaru-chan!"
Chaos: o.O;; "JO'O-SAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Samantha finally turned around at Alexander's incessant tapping. "What is it?!" she snapped. "You're poking my shoulder so hard, you're gonna dislocate it."
Alexander pointed down the street at the chase scene. "LOOK THERE!!!"
Everyone glanced down the suddenly empty street. A wind started up, blowing a solitary tumbleweed across the deserted roadway. Now had Catastrophe not popped up again with an appetite, the kana for "what are we looking at?" would have surely scrolled in behind everyone.
Alexander sweatdropped. "Um...."
Samantha swatted the sweatdrop away, hitting Dark Mayhem and Jolt in the back of their heads with it. "Look, you feeling okay? You've been seeing things all day now.
"I'll be better once we leave this fanfic," Alexander sighed. "Um...where did Mayhem go to?"
Meanwhile, a very unimpressed wet newt glared up at Alexander. However, Jolt-chan didn't seem to mind his--er, her Jusenkyo transformation too much.
Makoto looked around the street. "Ne, where did Duo go?"
"Oh, him?" Carnage remarked, thumbing over his shoulder as he read his newest issue of GQ: Gundam
Quarterly. "He's still finishing off his cardio-vascular workout."
The MSTiers' eyebrows all twitched in unison as a fuku-clad...goddess (for lack of a better word) was busy chasing down Chaos and clubbing him with her mallet.
Pesti-chan scratched his head. "Ne, just what is Skuld doing in a Sailor battle fuku anyways?"
[Cue another unbilled cameo!]
Sailor Skuld: "How dare you once again molest the fanfics posted on the 'A Sailor Moon Romance' archive site, you freak!!!"
Chaos: [panicky SD mode!] "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Retired fic archivist on the rampage!"
Rampage: ^-^ "CHU CHU!"
Chaos: "I wasn't talking about you!! ITAAAAAIII!!! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!"
Alexander: [absently watching Chaos] "You know, Sis, this could very well be the stupidest avatar on the face of the
Chaos: o.O [still running!] "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
Samantha: "Maybe we should forget the potential MSTing, and just shoot him."
Abruptly a loud explosion rocked the entire street, one of the buildings a block down suddenly collapsing in a big ball of flames and rubble. Hotaru shrieked, throwing herself into Chaos' arms--and subsequently bowling him over and right onto Makoto's chest once again.
"Damn!" Dark Mayhem exclaimed, shielding his eyes from the blast. "What the hell was that?!"
"Another reason why we can't get insurance," Pesti-chan groaned.
The MSTiers immediately turned to Carnage. "Care to explain this one?" Jolt inquired, gesturing to the debris
"Oh sure, blame everything on the guy with the Zeorymer," Carnage said dryly. "Do you see a grin on my face? That means I didn't cause the explosion."
"Then just what did?" Samanatha shot back. "Hotaru!" Chaos exclaimed. "I know you're scared, but could you pry yourself off me before the MSTiers decide to hurt my fragile litle ego."
Alexander shook his head. "Baka."
Michiru drew out her Aqua Mirror, looking inside of the reflection. "Whatever it is, it's not human," she
stated, looking back at the direction of the flames.
Haruka was immediately on guard, unsheathing her Space Sword and taking a defensive stance between Michiru and the remains of the hapless building. Everyone stared at the raging flames as a dark silhouette abruptly
appeared, something perfectly intact stalking out from the fire.
"What is that?" Jolt asked, fumbling for a set of pan-dimensional binoculars.
Chaos' eyes bugged out as he saw a robot's exoskeleton coming towards them. "Um...Boomer! We've got a lot of those things running amok in Tokyo."
"Oh shit," Dark Mayhem said, backing away. "I think the M-66 found us."
"At least it left my precious Nadesico alone," Carnage sighed in relief. His eyes abruptly bugged out as seconds later the massive battleship crashed headlong into the building wreckage. "Kyaaaaaaaaa!!! And I just reupholstered all the seats on the bridge!"
Makoto turned to the fanboys. "M-66?" she asked.
Carnage sniffled, with teary eyes saluting the fallen Nadesico. "Don't ask Makoto. I'll get blamed for it
"Well it was your fault," Pesti-chan stated.
"You want me to Mega Brand your sorry ass?"
Dark Mayhem snapped his fingers. "That's it!" With an evil grin the uber exploder fanboy kissed Makoto, and then turned to Pesti-chan.
Pesti-chan: [sweatdrop!] "A-Ano ne...."
Dark Mayhem: [primed for a spell] "EXODUS!!!"
[Cue the Zoantropying Pesti-chan!]
Zoantropy Pesti: *ROOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!*
"Damn!" Jolt exclaimed, leaping back. "Your character profiles never said anything about this!"
"Daijobu!" Chaos said cheerfully. "Once Pesti-chan uses Carrot Glace's zoantropy transformation, we'll have nothing to fear about that crazed Boomer.
"That is not a Boomer!" Samantha snapped, pulling out her 'National Animegraphic's Guide to Wild Mecha' book.
Alexander turned to Chaos. "Regardless, just what is a robot doing running amok inside your fanfic...and please don't tell me that's a villain."
Chaos: ^-^ "Would you believe a roving street sweeper?"
Carnage: --;; "I'd just as soon call it an Otakinator."
Chaos: "Shaddup, mecha-freak! It's your fault we got into his mess!"
Carnage: "DIL BRAND!!!"
Jolt: [watching a flaming li'l Chaos soar into the sky] "Useful technique. I assume not too many people deliberately antagonize you."
Carnage: [sigh!] "Only the stupid ones."
With a loud bellow, the now oversized and hairy monster stomped down the road towards the M-66 robot.
Raising a big foot, Pesti-chan was prepared to show the MSTier delegation just how courageous the fanboys really
were. Unfortunately he hadn't counted on that large retractable spike which popped out from the M-66's head.
Think of stepping on a very large tack.
Zoantrophied Pesti: o.O;;
And so the big fearsome monster shrieked and began hopping madly up and down on one foot around Tokyo, cradling it's injured sole.
Chaos groaned, massaging his temples. "So much for impressing the MSTiers."
Just then the Zoantropy monster happened to hop their way--and stomp right on top of Alexander and Samantha. Chaos' eyes bugged out as the oversized hairy foot lifted to reveal a crater...and two very unamused 2-D riffers.
Alexander & Samantha: --;; "......"
Jolt: o.O "Wow. Am I glad I stuck close to the Senshi!"
Haruka: "You stick any closer to my Michiru, and I'll be forced to pull out my whip."
Jolt: [???] "Since when did you get a whip?"
"Well, now they've been impressed, Chaos," Dark Mayhem remarked. "Impressed into the asphalt, but even still--"
"Would you cut it out?!" Chaos exclaimed, his head ballooning out. "It's your fault this happened!!"
Dark Mayhem pulled out a pin and popped Chaos' oversized head, watching in mild interest as Chaos' body took to the air and deflated back to normal size. "At least I'm doing something other than running around and making an ass of myself."
"And that's a new thing for him?" Carnage inquired darkly.
Dark Mayhem shrugged. "Touché. But it looks like someone might as well do something useful and stop that Otakinator robot before it decides to really piss me off."
And with that, Dark Mayhem started throwing sheets of paper at the M-66. The robot immediately recoiled as it was struck in the face, reeling and stumbling backwards. Even more papers sent it spinning in the air, crashing into the side of a formerly intact building.
"Sugoi!" Chaos cheered, the happy li'l otaku dancing around and waving some folding fans in the air. "I never knew you could use demon wards!"
"Oh, those aren't demon wards," Dark Mayhem countered.
"Then what are they?" Makoto asked.
Dark Mayhem drew out a piece of paper for the other fanboys to see.
Dark Mayhem: "I was just throwing pieces of the latest Chaosfic. If that monstrosity doesn't stop the M-66, nothing will."
Jolt: [reading the title] "'Austin Moon Powers: The Senshi Who Shagged Me'?"
Carnage: --;; "He's gonna pay for this one."
Chaos: [indignant sniff] "I think Professor Tomoe makes a perfect Dr. Evil."
Usagi: ^-^ "Oh, behave! This fic is totally shagilicious, baby! Now let's go shag and make ourselves a moonchild,
Everyone: [blink blink!] "......"
"Well then," Dark Mayhem remarked as everyone finished stomping Chaos into the ground. "At least that'll hold the M-66 back for a while. I'll get the MSTiers out of Tokyo's newest crater. Carnage, we'll need transportation."
Carnage nodded. "I'll get my tank. The Gundams are still being drycleaned thanks to Mihoshi's accidental demolition derby, so we can't use them."
Dark Mayhem glanced back at Makoto. "Can I leave Pesti-chan in your capable hands?"
Makoto grinned, grabbing hold of her dress and yanking it off. "I thought you'd never ask!"
[Cue Red Queen Mako-chan!]
Red Queen Mako-chan: [with Supreme Thunder whip!] "WOH HO HOH OHO HO HOH!!! It's time for you to call me the Queen, Kamui-chan!"
Alexander: [staring in morbid fascination] "Does EVERY Senshi around here have a dominatrix outfit?"
Samantha: "Only in this fanfic, it seems."
Dark Mayhem: ^^ "It's our claim to fame, and damned if we're not proud about it!"
Jolt: "So long as they don't turn their whips on us, I'm happy."
The Zoantropied Pesti-chan turned around, reverting into a terrified SD version of himself as he saw the
leather-clad Makoto cackling and leaping into the air. And try as he might to flee, Pesti-chan was no match for Red
Queen Mako-chan's whip.
Red Queen Mako-chan: "Say it, Kamui-chan!"
Zoantropied Pesti: o.O [frantic SD mode] "JO'O-SAMAAAAAAA!!!"
Alexander: [sweatdrop!] "Yo."
Samantha: "Daaad! How can you be taking pictures at a time like this?!"
Jolt: [with camera] "How many times have you ever seen a Senshi in S&M mode actually whipping the avatar?"
Samantha: [ano....] "Point taken."
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