Seconds later, a thoroughly subdued and twitching Pesti-chan collapsed next to Haruka and Michiru. "I-I-I-
Itaaaaaaaiiii...." he warbled.
        Haruka was unable to suppress her grin. "Ara, Mako-chan, you've really outdone yourself this time."
        Makoto smiled as she quickly put her dress back over her dominatrix ensemble. "Those lessons you and Michiru-san have been giving me are really paying off."
        Samantha merely turned to Dark Mayhem, one of her eyebrows raising up. The uber exploder fanboy merely lifted his hands in mild protest. "Hey, our author created that plot device. But it's quite enjoyable so long as you're not on the receiving end of the whip."
        Shaking her head in exasperation, Samantha turned away. Dark Mayhem glanced over to the M-66, which was had freed itself from the Chaosfic manuscript and was advancing with each ongoing paragraph--but not before it stopped at a candy stand and purchased some Pocky for itself.
        "Carnage, how's our transportation doing?" Dark Mayhem inquired.
        "In a minuuuuute!" Carnage called out from inside the Galaxy Gun. "Ano...final safety lock is off...aiming mechanism is ready. Alright then, let's nuke us a robot!"
        Abruptly Alexander cleared his throat, leaning inside the massive cannon's firing centre. "Carnage, I think you've blown up enough things today. Please get out of the chair."
        "You MSTiers never let us avatars have any fun," Carnage sulked. "Sure, I get to obliterate a city every now and again, but where's the fun in that if Tokyo keeps coming back in under twenty years?"
        "I have tea outside," Alexander added.

Carnage: ^-^ "Be out in a minute."

        Dark Mayhem surveyed the gathered group of Senshi, fanboys and MSTiers. "We're going to have our hands full for this one. I had better get a self-gratuitous moment with Ami-chan for doing something useful in this Cameofic."
        "You mean like this?" the shy and withdrawn Ami-chan asked, suddenly appearing in behind Dark Mayhem and passionately kissing him.
        "With tongue too," Jolt added.
        "It's not like seeing Ami-chan turned into a sex kitten by an avatar is something new," Samantha said.
        Suddenly Dark Mayhem spontaneously combusted.
        "That *is* new, though," Alexander coughed.
        Pesti-chan cleared his throat. "Um, guys? Remember the big bad robot bent on putting an abrupt end to our
series?"
        Just then who should show up but the AD Police force! Yes, mistaking the M-66 for a run-amok Boomer, Tokyo's best of the best in blue had dramatically arrived on the scene to take care of business. Dozens of squad cars spun into the area, attack choppers patrolling the skies as a veritable platoon of armed police officers in riot gear stormed the street.
        And they went immediately to work to get their butts kicked with embarrassing ease!
        Jolt sighed and shook his head. "Some things just never change."
        "That's why most of my stock portfolio is with GENOM," Dark Mayhem said aside to Samantha.
        Meanwhile, Carnage had procured a means of escaping the scene. Alexander sweatdropped upon seeing the T-74 tank get pulled out from Carnage's pants. Carnage climbed onto the top of the tank, helping the Outer Senshi onto it first.
        Samantha leaped onto the tank, going for the entry hatch into the belly. "Careful. Lipulim's got a defense measure built in if you try to steal her," Carnage cautioned. "Don't tamper with the entry hatch."
        "What would happen if someone did try?" Samantha asked.
        "The Vayete's hidden beam cannon would go off."
        "Don't you have the keys?" Pesti-chan asked, helping Makoto onto the tank.
        Carnage shrugged. "Let me check my pants." And with that Carnage started to empty his pan-dimensional pockets.
"Ano...Gundam, Gundam, Aestevalis, Valkyrie, Gundam, VOTOM, Zeorymer--aha!"
        And with that Carnage pulled out Ifurita's power staff.

Carnage: [sigh!] "Gundammit, wrong key."

        [Cue the facevaults!]

Ifurita: [flying onto the scene!] "Finally! I've got you now, Carnage. I am so ready to kill you for stealing the Eye of God, and then my staff...and yet, I find you strangely attractive."

Carnage: o.O

        "What about me?" Chaos asked, wincing as another series of AD Police officers were knocked down like bowling pins. "Do I get to go SD and panic like usual?"
        Dark Mayhem took a deep breath, and placed his arms firmly on Chaos' shoulders. "We need a diversion;
something for the Otakinator to follow while we get the SVAM delegation out of here."
        Carnage and Pesti-chan turned to Chaos. Chaos in turn grew his kawaii li'l kitty ears. "Ano...you're making me really nervous here, guys."
        "Looks like you get to use it after all, Chaos," Pesti-chan remarked with a grin.
        Chaos' eyes bugged out. "M-Masaka?! You aren't serious, are you?!"
        Jolt looked to the Outer Senshi. "What's he talking about?"
        "No no no no no!! I refuse!" an irate li'l SD Chaos ranted, grappling onto the treads of the tank. "I don't wanna! You can't make me! I will not bow down to Himechan No Ribon!"
        Suddenly the flaming remains of an AD helicopter crashed down right on top of him. That was enough to convince the fanboy. Chaos' eyebrow twitched as he pulled out a seemingly harmless make-up compact kit. "I swore to myself I would never use this," he muttered darkly. "Tinka Tinku Tinkaru Tinkaru! Become two of me!"
        With a magical girlish flash of light, there were suddenly two identical Chaoses (or would the plural form be: Chaosi?) standing next to the tank.
        Carnage recoiled. "Heathen! You *dare* use something from Himechan No Ribon?! You must pay now! MEGA BRAND!!!"

Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

Chaos #2: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

        "Just how the hell did he get that anyways?" Alexander asked as the smoke cleared to reveal the charred
and bug-eyed Chaos twins.
        Pesti-chan shrugged. "It was a consolation prize he won at the Magical Girl Beauty Pagent."
        Alexander nodded. "Ah, I see. He won it at a Magical Girl--WHAT?!"
        "Oh, he never told you about Sailor Dragqueen, did he?" Dark Mayhem said, feigning surprise.
        However, the M-66 decided to at last take a significant if not ridiculous leap into the plot, soaring over the heads of the hopelessly inept AD Police sharpshooters (who we have to give some credit to for shooting down that completely stationary police cruiser). The M-66 landed upon the front end of the tank, ready to kill the first otaku it encountered.       
        "N-Na ni?!" Haruka exclaimed, backing away from the M-66.
        The robot stared at the Outer Senshi, and then left them alone since they were not fanboys. Chaos, however, was not so fortunate. "KYAAAAAAA!!!" the terrified SD fanboy shrieked, defying gravity and racing across the wall of a building as the M-66 chased after him. "I thought this thing was suppose to chase the fake me!"
        "This M-66 must be able to tell the real Chaos from the magical reflection," Samantha remarked.
        "WHY COULDN'T SOMEONE HAVE TOLD ME THIS SOONER?!"
        The M-66 lifted it's arm, metal panels opening up to reveal a series of small rockets that were launched towards Chaos. However, even guided missiles are no match for a hyperactive otaku gone super-deformed. Chaos adeptly outran the missiles, bounding right over the tank.

Chaos: "RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!"
       
Hotaru: ^-^ [on Chaos' back] "Chaos-chan, you're so cool!"

Chaos: "KYAAAA!!! How'd you get here?!"

        The M-66 vaulted after Chaos, landing on top of the T-74 tank. However it immediately detected the other fanboy presences. The robot's red eyes lit up as two large blades were ejected from each of its arms.
        "Ha! You call that a blade?" Carnage scoffed, pulling out his Zanba sword. "Now *this* is a blade!"
        "Now's not the time to compare sword sizes, Carnage!" Pesti-chan snapped. "Quick! Grab a MSTier and run!"
        And so the fanboys scattered like Pokemon deserting a sinking ship. Pesti-chan shattered into his 6 li'l SD selves and the gang of them carted Samantha off--much to her displeasure, though mainly because of SD Pesti-chan #3. But we're not going to get into that position right now!
        Dark Mayhem grabbed hold of Alexander--but not before had had the fair Ami-chan in his arms--and then raced down a different road. Jolt turned to Carnage...and sweatdropped as he saw that Carnage was a little on the busy side fencing with the M-66.
        "Say," he remarked, turning to Makoto, Haruka and Michiru. "Care to show me around?"



        [Cue the eyecatch!]


Jamie: [looking up at the eyecatch] "I see you weren't kidding about that. I assume we get the royal author treatment until part 3 comes out?"

His lordship Chaos: ^^ "Hai hai. It's good to be me."


        Greetings!
        His lordship Chaos here.
        As before, thanks goes out to Jolt for being my co-conspirator amidst all this. And should any incriminating evidence resulting from this Cameofic surface, and someone must be blamed and punished by a severe spanking at the hands of the Yamhead as a result, I have neatly ensured everything gets traced back to him.
        Extra kudos also goes out to Pesti-chan, who helped write the SD tornado scene and all the wonderful carnage (pardon the Gundam-loving pun) it caused in the process.


        This Cameofic was written in THX/1999: the audience's reading was foreordained.


        [Cue the shameless website plugging!]


Tormented with a vile case of sanity? Then take a therapeutic and mindless visit to the Fanboys' new home at:

http://carnage.fanfic.org


See Jolt's hyperactive and hideously extensive collection of rants, fics and MSTings at:

http:users.uniserve.com/~xwing


A fellow MSTier and fanboys conspirator, Nightbreak, deservedly should have his website revealed here:

http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Rampart/3552/


SVAM? What's SVAM? Well whether or not you wanted to know it, here they are anyways. Presenting a grand gallery of the worst fanfiction and best riffing ever (plus Megane 6.7) at:

http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/index.html




        OMAKE THEATRE!!!


        Fanboy's Note: recall how in the last Omake Theatre you all learned about the poor fools--I mean, gracious webhosts who let me have my own ranting column on the "Anime on DVD" website? (www.animeondvd.com)
        Well, here's reason #2 that earned me the column. After I became somewhat notorious for my Cabbit Gumbo recipe in the Tenchi contest, this little challenge appeared. We had to name our favourite Pokemon and give our reasons why.
        Did I win the DVDs?
        Nope.
        But it's all really about competition and seeing how well you can write your entries. It's all about learning different people's opinions, and thus learning more about yourself in the process. And then for me...it was all really about seeing how many fragile little minds I could warp.
        Ha ha!
        Behold the #1 Pokemon I chose:


        [Begin the transmission!]


Greetings!

His lordship Chaos returns. And I promise you that *this* time around I shall endeavour to be serious and thoughtful in stating which Pokemon is my all-time favourite. I shall be provocative and insightful, probing all the pros and cons, peeling back the layers and...aw, who am I kidding?! MWAH HAH HA HA HAH!!!!

        [Cue the fearsome Mokonazilla!]

Mokonazilla: ^-^ "PUUUUU!!!"

Yes, it was indeed the best of online posts and the worst of online posts. For here was perhaps the greatest folly of a crossover ever conceived: through the use of genetic splicing and CGI effects, Mokona and Godzilla had been merged together. Now a gigantic marshmellowy youma of unspeakable evil and annoyance was running amok...and over many cars too.

Mokonazilla: ^-^ "PU PU PUUUUU!!!"

In desperation, Tokyo called forth its best Pocket Monster trainers to rid themselves of the creature. Many young hopefuls showed up, but upon seeing the Mokonazilla they all politely declined and then ran off screaming in terror. Naturally this wasn't good for the Tokyo zoning board, who were on the verge of committing seppuku thanks to the Ginza ward having been wiped out.

Suddenly who should show up but--!

Ash: [with his chainsaw arm] "Groovy."

o.O;; Ano...wrong show.
       
But indeed, the wanna-be Pokemon trainer, Ash, with a heart of gold and naive innocent ambitions that just make you want to slap him silly with a herring, appears onto the scene.
       
Yes, while the other Pocket Monster trainers "hem" and "haw" over whether they want to risk the lives of their precious Beanie Battle Babies, Ash steps forward. He's not about to hesitate. He's confident in knowing he's the show's heroic primary character, and that no harm could possibly befall him.
       
[evil grin!] But this isn't the Pokemon show...is it?

Ash: o.O

Suddenly Ash is yanked out by an Act of Avatar, and His lordship Chaos steps into the ensuing melee. He is not about to pretend to be a Pokemon, spending his days running in his hamster wheel. No, what's the fun in being a Pokemon and grazing on lettuce all day long...when you could in reality be a trainer who moulds the forms your Pokemon take?!

MWAH HAH HA HA HAH!!!

Triumphantly holding a red & white Pokeball over his head, he's prepared to prove who the best Pocket Monsters ever are!

Lord Chaos: [wrestling with the Pokeball] "Damn childproof caps! Um...can I get a little help here?"

And in the words of Dr. Doolittle, "If I could walk with the Pokemon, talk with the Pokemon, shout and sing and squawk with the Pokemon!"

But we're not going to unleash his prized Goldeen Boy Pocket Monster yet. It still feels it needs to study and train inside of the ladies' toilet bowls. In the words of the red & white fish Pokemon himself: "Benky benkyo benkyo!!"

And thus...we unleash the #3 best of Pokemon ever: Char-Aznable-mander! The Pokeball opens up, and suddenly there's an enormous lizard-like Gundam standing there. Unfortunately, in growing to the size of a skyscraper, this li'l Pokemon took out many hapless spectators, but we're not going to get into that right now. Behold the might Char-Aznable-mander! His lizard Gundam has a special scorpion's whip that extends and retracts, blasting enormous balls of fire!

However, right when the Char-Aznable-mander was about to attack the Mokonazilla, a rival Pokemon Gundam from the Earth Federation dropped in. When its natural enemy appeared, the Char-Aznable-mander took off for an epic outerspace battle.

Yet we're still stuck with this "PUU!!" of a problem. Undaunted, His lordship Chaos reaches in and produces the Pokeball housing the #2 best of Pokemon ever!

Lord Chaos: "I choose 'Wu', Yakuchu!"

The Pokeball opens up, and a kawaii li'l yellow rodent bearing the mark of the 'Void' appears. Yes, the mark of 3x3 Eye's resident undead (but breakable) immortal, Yakumo, is unmistakable. And so, with a song in his heart, a lump in his throat and absolutely no idea what he's going to do, the Yakuchu sets off. And is promptly stepped on.

Yakuchu: o.O

        *SPLAT!!!*

Lord Chaos: [wince!] "We lose more Pokemon that way."

Mokonazilla puuuu's once more, bringing Tokyo to its knees. Realizing he has no choice, our hero (baka?) prepares to unleash the ultimate Pocket Monster. One so deadly, so powerful, it has never been revealed until now.

Putting in his earplugs, Lord Chaos closes his eyes and lobs the Pokeball as far from him as possible. The ball opens up, and in a flash of light the #1 Pokemon ever appears!

Nagamon: "WOH HO HOH HOH HO HO OHO HOH HO!!!!"

Mokonazilla: o.O;;;

Hey, if Diol could make ten clones of Naga.... Regardless, this extremely rare (not to mention incredibly terrifying)
species of Pokemon, known as Jigglychest, lets out her fit of maniacal cackling.

Horrified, the Mokonazilla cannot cope with such a savage attack. It's eyes bug out moments before it explodes, fluffy white marshmellow bits raining down upon the city. And there was much rejoicing.

All: "Yay."

Unfortunately, the Nagamon's evil laughter also permanently traumatizes anyone within earshot. Realizing the lawsuits that will no doubt ensue, His lordship Chaos nonchalantly whistles and shuffles off the scene.

His job is done. All hail the conquering Pokemon!




[End!]




        "DVDs? We're competing for DVDs? Shimatta!
        I just wanted to screw with your minds."

                                                -His lordship Chaos       




Part 3
Back to Fanfics