[Meanwhile....]
      
       "Most dishonourable," Riot sighed, shaking his head as he stood at a street corner. The Cameofic had not been going well for him at all. SEELE still wanted him to implement Fanboy Instrumentality, and with the MSTiers running around this would have been the perfect opportunity. Alas, he could find no fanboys to challenge to anything-goes martial arts Instrumentality-fu.
       And the fact that Ruckus had disappeared to chase after "Sanza" Sanosuke wasn't helping the cause either. Riot scratched his head with the tip of a shuriken throwing dart.
       "What am I doing wrong?" he asked aloud, his narrowed eyes searching the streets. "I require an opponent if I am to actually compete in any form of anything-goes martial arts. Yet there is not a fanboy in sight."
       However, it just so happened that at that exact moment Hysteria came walking down the street. Somehow she was also managing to drag Samantha and all 6 SD Pesti-chans, each of whom were not about to let go of the other's legs.
      
      Riot: ^^ "Most honourable!"
      
       Riot grinned as he walked over and appraised the grooves left in the asphalt from SD Pesti-chan #3. Naturally everyone was frantically trying to dig their fingers into the road and stop the procession from being dragged by Hysteria.
      
      Hysteria: [oof!] "Why...do you...*gasp!* have to be...so stubborn...Pesti-poppas?"
      
      Samantha: "I think we're wearing her down! Whatever you do, don't let go!"
      
      SD Pesti-chans: "Hai!"
      
      Riot: ^^ "Ah, anything-goes martial arts drag-fu, is it? Very well; I acceeeeeeept!"
      
       Riot was suddenly flipped over as SD Pesti-chan #3 managed to grab hold of his leg, the martial arts fanboy now part of a chain very unwilling to get dressed up in kawaii frilly aprons. He immediately pulled out his katana, amming the blade into the ground to act as an anchor.
       "Fanboy Instrumentality never said anything about this," he muttered, letting go of the katana with one hand. Still being dragged by Hysteria's unnatural kawaii strength, Riot managed to find his hand amidst the bulky sleeve, and pulled out a large weighted chain. The end of the manriki-gusari was flung through the air, crashing through a restaurant window and snagging the leg of a nearby table. However Hysteria was only stopped for a few seconds; she gave a hard yank and the table was flung outside with the rest of the hapless
      victims.
       Riot scowled as he stared at the table. "Strange. Usually my hidden smite-fu is flawless. She must be a cunning opponent to rival my skills. Very well then, I shall not hold back!"
       And with that the martial arts fanboy gave a flick of the wrist, numerous chains and pointy projectile swords were sent flying through the air, each one snagging onto a different anchor. And yet again Hysteria was only stopped for a few seconds, giving an even harder yank.
       Two parked cars, a mailbox, a telephone booth, three lightpoles, a french poodle, and a thoroughly impaled 'Wu' later saw Hysteria slowly but steadily dragging everyone down the road.
      
      Yakumo: @.@ "This is really starting to hurt."
      
      Riot: "Don't worry; my intent is never to kill my opponent, just maim them viciously. Note how all those shuriken darts have missed every vital organ in your body."
      
       Yet finally something managed to prove an effective anchor as Pai the Triclops raced after Yakumo. Grabbing a hold of his arm, she vehemently tried to pry her beloved 'Wu' from the rest of the fanboys.
       Hysteria began to throw a kawaii hissy fit-chan as she was forced to come to an abrupt stop. She pulled and yanked with all her might, but Pai's grip (not to mention everything else Riot had managed to grapple on to) was too powerful to allow her to go any further.
       "Waaaaah!" she exclaimed, stomping her feet. "Everybody's being so mean to Hysteria...and they're all pissing off poor kawaii little Hysteria-chan!"
      
      SD Pesti #2: [groan!] "Not again."
      
      Samantha: "What? How could this twit possibly get any worse than she already is?!"
      
      Hysteria: "KAWAII KILLER BUTTERFLY ATTACK!!!"
      
       And thus one more block was devastated by a frighteningly cute attack as hundreds of small butterflies converged into one big-assed demonic insect. The killer butterfly slammed into the asphalt, blowing Samantha, the Pesti-chans, Riot and Yakumo in every direction. Naturally Yakumo went all to pieces, but that's to be expected.
       The fanboys fared a little better.
       Riot landed perfectly after being blown clear of the road, striking a menacing yet triumphant pose with his katana. "Ah, most honourable!" he stated proudly. "It'll take Hysteria another two hundred years to master my prowess in anything-goes martial arts crashlanding-fu."
       Just then it decided to rain SD Pesti-chans.
       Riot was neatly pelted by the flailing super-deformed overlords. He turned to Samantha, lifting up one of the SD Pesti-chans by the collar. "I believe at least one of these belongs to you."
      
      SD Pesti #4: o.O "KYAAAAAAAA!!! We're all gonna get smited!"
      
       Samantha groaned, shaking her head. "I could have used today as a vacation, but nooooo! I had to satisfy my curiousity and check out this fanfic."
       She paused, evaluating Riot. "And just what are you supposed to be?"
       Riot grinned, his eyes maybe opening a little. We stress maybe. Okay, so we're lying. Not even his opthamologist knows what colour Riot's eyes are. But that's just fine and Belldandy, because we're changing scenes!
      
      Riot: --;; "Excuse me, but I was in the middle of saying a line."
      
       Now now, we'll have none of these interruptions during the author's mindless ranting. After all, Riot received his paycheck for appearing in this Cameofic, so he had nothing to complain about.
      
      Riot: ^^ "Most honourable."
      
      
* * *

       And so now we turn to Chaos.
       Brave, brave, brave Lord Chaos!
       There he goes...racing hellbent for only Kami-sama knows where, with Hotaru still catching a piggyback from him. "Sugoi!" she giggled, enjoying the feel of the wind against her face as Chaos continued to still frantically defy the laws of gravity through Tokyo.
      
      Chaos: o.O "TASUKETEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"
      
       Jolt clicked on the stopwatch in his hands as Chaos completed yet another lap around the city proper. "Hey! Twenty-five point two seconds! A new 'best time' for him...though I wonder if he's even realised that the Otakinator isn't even chasing him anymore."
       Abruptly Miki Kaoru coughed out loud, gesturing to the stopwatch. "I am going to need that back soon," the student council member stated. "I can't revolutionise the world without it."
       Reluctantly Jolt handed the stopwatch back to its rightful owner. As it turned out, Haruka and Michiru decided to wait for the tow-truck for their damaged convertible. And Makoto had resigned herself to calling the date off with Pesti-chan, staying with the Outer Senshi.
       That left him to check out the fic alone.
       Not that it was a bad thing. After all, how much trouble could an outside MSTier like him get into?
      
       [Fanboy's Note: ah, how I love answering these rhetorical questions! Bow before my mighty ego--though not to be confused with my mighty eggo. Yet the thought of an enormous waffle trashing downtown Tokyo shall forever remain a favourite in the playground of my mind. ^-^]
      
       With a cheerful whistle, Jolt ventured down the street. And was promptly turned into Jolt-chan as a large wave of water splashed into him--er, her. Jolt-chan glanced down at an old lady (who resembled a withered prune with arms, legs and a grey wig) who had just finished throwing a bucket of cold water onto the sidewalk in front of her store.
       "Wild guess," he--er, she ventured, pushing aside the now red bangs of hair from her face. "You follow anyone who gets stuck with a Jusenkyo transformation?"
       The old lady nodded. And with her task completed, she left the scene to never be heard of again in the Cameofic.
      
      Jolt-chan: [shaking her head] "What will these otaku think of next?"
      
      Desolation: [stumbling down the street] "Itaaaaiiii!! Okay, windsurfing that Cream Lemon tidal wave is one thing--but what kind of an idiot has mechanical piranhas lurking in the tsunami?!"
      
       Jolt-Chan's jaw dropped as she appraised the bedraggled lost fanboy. "Whoa...you okay? Man, you look like you just fought the entire cast of Street Fighter II V," he said, helping the lost fanboy stand up.
       "No, that was last week," Desolation sighed. He pulled out his daily planner for consultation. "Now I was supposed to help Kiki make another delivery...IF ONLY I KNEW JUST WHERE THE HELL I WAS!!!"
       Jolt-Chan's eyebrow started to twitch as she read Desolation's day planner. "'Monday: get smited. Tuesday: get smited. Wednesday: get'--what kind of a schedule is this?"
       However Desolation was unavailable for comment, since Ascot (atop his flying boulder) had just mowed him down. Desolation muttered something underneath his breath as he saw the "I break for no Machins" bumpersticker on the back end of the flying rock.
       "Wait a minute!" Jolt-chan said, pointing to the 'Wu' mark on Desolation's forehead. "I've heard of you. You're the avatar who never can show up on time for his own fanfic, right?"
       "I'll have you know I show up on time for at least half of this series," Desolation protested. "It just so happens that when I do, I get crushed...or maimed...or impaled...or drawn and quartered...."
       Jolt-chan looked down at her MST notes. "This reads like a 'When Avatars Go Wrong' episode."
       "...or dismembered...or set on fire...."
       "Um, I think I get the point."
       "...or shot repeatedly...or decapitated...."
       It was during the middle of Desolation's list that the Zeon forces decided to drop yet another space colony onto the Earth. Jolt-chan slowly looked up to the skies as a large shadow descended upon the city.
      
      Jolt-chan: "What is that?"
      
      Desolation: "Space colony falling to Earth. Judging by its size and velocity, I'd have to say it's the L-3 X1B999 colony."
      
      Jolt-chan: o.O "It's heading right for us!"
      
      Desolation: [sighing as he opens up his parasol] "What else is new?"
      
      Jolt-chan: "Aren't you going to try and outrun it?!"
      
      Desolation: [shrug!] "It is pencilled in for my two-thirty smiting today. Who am I to argue?"
      
      Jolt-chan: o.O;;;
      
       *CRUNCH!!!!*
      
       Once again, yet another section of Tokyo found itself to be ground zero for Mass Destruction. Interestingly enough though, the colony flipped onto its side as it fell. This resulted in the surrounding buildings and skyscrapers barely being touched by the crashing colony. However this also meant that the entire weight and inertia of the space colony was focused on the single, narrow point that stomped on Jolt-chan and Desolation.
       And it hurt.
       A lot.
       Some time after the impact, Jolt-chan managed to drag herself out from beneath the hundreds of tonnes of metal. "Itaiii...." she groaned. "I never thought I'd be glad that your author has a 'no character-killing' policy in effect."
       She froze upon seeing Desolation already out from the wreckage, seated on the edge of the sidewalk and reattaching a severed arm back to his body.
       "What took you?" Desolation inquired, bandaging up his wound.
       Jolt-Chan's face went pale as he saw all the blood dripping from
      Desolation's severed stump of a limb. "You...you just got your arm ripped off."
       Desolation nodded. "Hai hai. Usually all my internal organs are crushed too. Today was a nice change."
       "But...but you just got your arm ripped off," Jolt-chan protested. "You're leaking like the plot holes in one of Feldspar's ill-conceived fanfics! And all because we just had a freaking space colony dropped on us! A space colony from Gundam's Stardust Memories!!"
       "You get used to it after a while," Desolation said nonchalantly as he bandaged up his arm. "Incidentally, that colony was from Operation Meteor, and not Operation Stardust. You can tell the difference by the crushing impact on your body."
       A sweatdrop appeared next to Jolt-Chan's head. "You mean this happens on a regular basis?"
       "The space colony? It would appear to be one of our author's favourite means of smiting me, yes."
       Jolt-chan pulled out a slightly burnt clipboard full of MST notes. "I don't get it. Your name is on the list as one of the avatars in this series."
       "And I'm damned proud to be one!" Desolation said with a smile. Seconds later he was clobbered as a large Phoenix chick ran over him. Shortly after that, the entire Ranma 1/2 cast stampeded over Desolation in chasing after the bird.
      
      Jolt-chan: [she's gone SD!] "But...but...you just had a space colony dropped on you!"
      
      Desolation: [with footprints all over his face] "It only hurts the first few times."
      
      Jolt-chan: "But it was a space colony!"
      
      Desolation: [sweatdrop!] "Yes, I believed we've covered that already."
      
      Jolt-chan: [shaking her head] "And you're an avatar to boot...whose sole purpose in this series is to get viciously smited? *Sigh!* I don't think I'll ever be able to figure out your fics."
      
      Desolation: "Ne, you might want to move."
      
      Jolt-chan: "Why?"
      
       [Cue the oversized Gentle Uterus that is *still* chasing after Desolation!]
      
      Desolation & Jolt-chan: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
      
       *SPLAT!!*
      
      

* * *

       We now interrupt the mindless insanity for a more serious, introspective part of the fic. Welcome to another presentation of Masterfic Theatre, where today we shall try to redeem the deranged gags that have thus lowered your intellectual expectations of this series.
      
       [Cue the Babbit and his Sana-chan band!]
      
      
      Babbit: ^-^ "Munah-munah."
      
      Jigglypuffs: "Du duuuuu du-du-du!"
      
      Babbit: ^-^ "Munah-munah!"
      
      Jigglypuffs: "Du du-du-du!"
      
      Babbit: ^-^ "Munah-munah!"
      
      Jigglypuffs: "Du duuuuu du-du-du du-du-du du-du-du du-du-du du-du duuuuu-du!"
      
      Sana-chan: [with Sana yakback!] "Sana-Chan's in da house! Sweet little Sana-chan was sleeping like a sawing log. She slept through her alarm and was late! Now that little frog: Devil Hayama, he had already trashed the class. He's a little fart and makes me wanna kick his ass. Teacher's bawling cuz his monkey-boys cause trouble; because of him, the classroom's all rubble! Oooooooh yeaaaaaaah! Break it down Sana-chan! Work it out, Sana-chan! Gonna vent it all out with this little love song!"
      
      Rei-kun: "This was a love song?"
      
      Babbit & Jigglypuffs: [blink blink!] "......"
      
      Sana-chan: "Ano...wrong key?"
      
      Babbit: ^-^ "Munah-munah."
      
      Jigglypuffs: "Du duuuuu du-du-du!"
      
      Babbit: ^-^ "Munah-munah!"
      
       [Cue Catastrophe bounding into the music video!]
      
      Jigglypuffs: o.O "Kyaaaaaa!!"
      
      Catastrophe: *CHOMP!!* "chu chu-chu-chu!"
      
      Babbit: "Munah-munah."
      
      Catastrophe: "chu chuuuuu chu-chu-chu chu-chu-chu chu-chu-chu chu-chu-
      chu chu-chu chuuuuu-chu!"
      

Page 3
Back to Fanfics