"Okay, I'm ready," Havoc stated as he walked into the already crowded bathroom. Dressed in hip-waders and sporting a Planet Hentai fishing hat, he walked over to Chaos. "My weapon?"
Chaos managed to snap out from his shock and reeled in the panties. He gave the fishing rod to Havoc and then found himself a comfortable sitting position on the toilet lid.
"Ano...just where are you going to be using that?" Hotaru asked, hastily ducking as the top of the rod nearly thwacked her in the head.
"Right here," Chaos replied, pointing down into the bathtub.
Setsuna peered into the tub, noting how it had been filled with water...yet there were no chibi-Havocs inside at all. "Are you sure falling through that hole upstairs didn't cause you to lose whatever marbles you had left in your head, Chaos?"
Havoc chidingly wagged a finger at the two Senshi. "Remember, you have to think like your opponent. And if you perv it, they shall cum. Shhhhh."
For a while Havoc silently cast the panties into the bathtub and then reeled them in. Setsuna had just rolled her eyes from the start and walked out. Chaos sat there, perched upon the edge of Setsuna's toilet and scribbling down some memoirs of this event. Still daring place some trust in that either Chaos or Havoc actually knew what they were doing, Hotaru sat on the bathroom counter and waited beside Chaos.
No chibi-Havocs were biting.
After ten minutes of fruit of the loom-less attempts, Havoc sighed and reeled in the panties. "I don't understand," he said, scratching his head. "I know for a fact that no chibi-Havoc can resist the silken treasures of Faye Valentine. If I'm not using the wrong lure, then what am I doing wrong?"
"Maybe it's the way you're holding your wrists," Chaos suggested.
Havoc snapped his fingers in epervany. "Of course! No wonder they're not biting! They know it's a trap."
"How so?" Hotaru asked.
Havoc gestured to the bathtub. "Tell me what's unique about this tub from most others."
Chaos leaned forward and studied the design of the tub. "Ano...ano...aha! It's blue!"
He was immediately clobbered by a terrified flying octopus.
Chaos: "Hey, who threw that?!"
"Anyone else?" Havoc inquired, turning to Hotaru.
Hotaru was examining the tub from where she sat on the counter, trying to see the logic in Havoc's revelation. Then her violet eyes lit up when she realized it. "This is a jacuzzi bathtub!" she exclaimed. "The chibi-Havocs must know that you don't find panties in a jacuzzi tub with its jets turned off."
Havoc beamed at her. "Hotaru-chan, if I didn't have Stayhard Von Lohengrope as my Ecchi-chan, you'd certainly be a contender for the position. And since you're female, that would include all the positions!"
Hotaru blushed and had a sudden urge to study her feet.
"Whose girlfriend are we talking about here?" Chaos inquired darkly, grappling onto Havoc's collar.
"Hey, she can always come over for a cookie or two," Havoc said.
Retorted the large & irate head of Chaos, "I know all about the cookies you shared with Sarcasm, buddy!!"
And so Havoc switched his lures from thong panties to the bottom piece of a g-string bikini. "Turn on the jets, Hotaru!" he called out, poised to cast the lure into the jacuzzi tub.
Hotaru cranked on the jets, letting the water froth and churn, the temperature of the water rising dramatically. She smiled and winked at Chaos. "What say you and I have our own jacuzzi session after this?" she whispered into his ear.
Chaos nearly choked on the Planter's Monkey Punch he was drinking. He did, however, manage to completely choke on the straw.
"I got a bite!" Havoc suddenly exclaimed, yanking back on the fishing rod. "Chaos, get the net ready!"
Chaos scrambled to ready the net, leaping to the edge of the jacuzzi--just in time to get smacked in the face by a sopping wet chibi-Havoc, who was tenaciously clinging to the g-string bikini as Havoc reeled it in.
Chaos: --;; "First with the octopus and now with a chibi-Havoc. Why am I getting hit with wet underwater things today?!"
Havoc: [venturing a guess] "Panties?"
Chaos: "Get your brain back into the fic, Havoc!"
Hotaru helped Chaos pry the chibi-Havoc off the g-string and then place the dripping hentai into a large net. The chibi-Havoc growled and thrashed about, trying to cop a feel off Hotaru's chest. However it just wound up goosing Chaos instead.
Chaos: "Hotaru, could you please stop fondling my butt?"
Hotaru: [sweatdrop!] "That's not me."
Chaos: o.O; "KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Havoc reattached the g-string bikini bottom to his hook again and then cast it into the bubbling jacuzzi. Moments later he had another bite, launching a second chibi-Havoc out from the bathtub. Hotaru and Chaos quickly set about netting the chibi-Havoc, and the procedure repeated itself many times.
Soon the net was filled with over a dozen chibi-Havocs and a stream of "Oro?" and "Hotcha!" noises.
"Is there a limit to the number of these things we can catch?" Chaos asked, stuffing another chibi-Havoc into the near overflowing net.
"Daijobu," Havoc replied, putting a new and less fondled g- string bikini onto the hook. "I've got a special Perv Sanctuary in behind Planet Hentai. I can relocate the chibi-Havocs there and retrain them. Hopefully then they can be released back into the wild without worry of them being a total bitch to society."
Hotaru sweatdropped. "And what were they before?"
"Mild nuisances," the Hentenno replied, getting yet another bite.
Just then, Setsuna ventured into the bathroom. "Moshi moshi? I just wanted to get a progress check. How's it--"
She was interrupted by a chibi-Havoc being flung right in her direction.
chibi-Havoc: ^-^ "Pu-chan!"
Setsuna: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAA!!"
"Good shot, Havoc," Chaos remarked, looking at the chibi-Havoc nestled against Setsuna's bosoms. "Dead centre with her cleavage."
"Naturally," Havoc replied.
Hotaru studied the agitated expression on Setsuna's face. "Um, I don't think that's necessarily a good thing. Chaos-chan, help me get the chibi-Havoc off her."
"Don't bother," Setsuna growled, spraying her 'Panty Raid' mace in the chibi-Havoc's face. The chibi-Havoc went down with a squeal (not to mention Setsuna's bra), and Chaos deposited its twitching body into the net.
Havoc grinned as he cast his lure again. He smile faded moments later as something yanked hard on the line, threatening to pull the fishing rod right out of his hands. "There's a surprising amount of resistance on the line," he muttered through clenched jaws, fighting to keep from losing the fishing rod and himself into the jacuzzi.
Chaos whistled. "Shimatta! The chibi-Havoc you've snagged must be enormous. Maybe it's the Alpha Perv!"
"If you don't mind," Setsuna said, stepping in front of Hotaru. "I'd as soon see her not stripped nekkid by this chibi-Havoc once it's out of the water."
"I'll only go for it if it's Chaos," Hotaru agreed.
Setsuna glared at Chaos.
"Great," Chaos sighed. "Why don't you just rip out my Starseed too while you're at it."
With a tremendous heave, Havoc managed to pull the fishing line out from the water. There was a great splash from the jacuzzi, and out from the tub leapt--
Havoc-kun: "What? Havoc-chan!"
Havoc-chan: ^^;; [with the g-string hooked in her moth] "Thorry. Couldn' helf it."
"Okay, good news!" Havoc stated as he strolled out from the bathroom. "We've caught about half the chibi-Havoc-chans in the house."
"That still leaves about two hundred and fifty super-deformed perverts running loose in my beach house," Setsuna countered, lamenting over how no matter how hard she tried to straighten out her clothes she still looked incredibly felt up.
Chaos put up his hand. "Idea! Why don't you just open a temporal wormhole and punt them through one at a time?"
Hotaru sighed as she shook her head. "Chaos-chan," she said, tapping him on the shoulder. "Think about this for a second: you'd be tossing chibi-Havocs all across time and space. That means you could have a chibi-Havoc running loose in every period and era of history known to humanity."
Chaos: o.O;; "That...that's a bad thing, isn't it?"
Hotaru: "Yes, Chaos-chan, that classifies nicely as a bad thing."
Setsuna: "Right along with your Judge Vandreadd Chaosfic too, might I add."
Chaos: "Hey, I'll have you know that the critics stated there was nothing more gag-inducing on the planet than that fic! And that's a pretty impressive achievement considering what's out there, like Akio or the Twisted Tales of Tokyo dub."
Setsuna: [eyebrow twitch!] "That's not a compliment to your work, Chaos."
Chaos: [???] "It's not?"
But before we ranted on with a lot of non-sequitur, rapid dialogue moments, the problem at hand was called back to attention as a small detachment of chibi-Havocs raced out from the broom closet with Pandemonium still hoisted over their heads.
chibi-Havocs: "Hup hup hup hup!"
Pandemonium: "This isn't funny, Otoka-chans! Hey, a little more support to the back, okay? Otoka-chaaaaaaans!"
"We really need to get rid of them soon," Setsuna stated.
"Relax, I've already devised our next plan," Havoc said soothingly. "The key now is to capture the Alpha Perv. Wherever chibi- Havoc-kun goes, the chibi-Havoc-chans will follow. We get him out of your house and the others will leave too."
"And just how do you intend to get the Alpha Perv?" Chaos asked.
Hotaru nodded, voicing her concern. "Chaos-chan went into the nest and got royally thumped."
"I didn't get that thumped," Chaos pouted. "They cheated, that's all. I could have taken them."
"I know, Chaos, I know," Hotaru consoled him, patting the sulking fanboy on the shoulder.
Havoc pulled a cell phone out from his inner jacket pocket and dialed a number. "All we need is a little cannon fodder," he explained with an evil grin. "Moshi moshi? Jyako, how's it hanging?...No, not that. Look, I need a favour. Think you can bring Charon and a certain useless purple ninja-midget here?"
Soon enough, Charon and NinNin were delivered to Setsuna's beach house. Havoc explained the situation and what he expected of them. Charon, being the only one of the two to actually possess a brain, was the one who actually showed concern.
"Remember, the target is chibi-Havoc-kun," Havoc instructed Charon. "Don't let the chibi-Havoc-chans guarding him break you first."
Charon worriedly glanced at the broken remains of the master bedroom's door. "Are you absolutely sure you want me to do this?" he asked uneasily.
"It's your duty as Grasshappo," Havoc replied simply. "You must undergo the most rigorous of perverted training if you ever wants to become my Ecchi-chan again."
With a beleaguered sigh, Charon resigned himself to his fate and shuffled over to the door. He peered inside, and his eyes abruptly bugged out by what he saw.
"Well, go on!" Havoc called out from down the hallway.
"Easy for you to say!" Charon snapped. He took a deep breath and steeled his ecchi willpower.
Charon: [chaaaarge!] "For the glory of the uberperv!!"
What followed was something that should not be repeated in front of young otaku. The instant Charon charged into the master bedroom, the sounds of a horrific struggle suddenly began.
Hotaru winced and turned away, trying to cover her ears and block out Charon's yelps & screams. Setsuna shielded her eyes from the gruesome melee that ensued as various shreds from Charon's clothes were seen being tossed out through the doorway. Chaos paled and then passed out, dropping onto the floor behind the two Outer Senshi. Even Havoc was making a few unpleasant faces, not enjoying listening to what Charon must have been suffering through.
Abruptly there was an eerie lull that pervaded the bedroom. Charon didn't emerge...but a few seconds later there was a large "BURP!" followed by Charon's boxer shorts being flung out into the hall.
Havoc reverently pulled the fishing hat off his head. "Let's have a moment of silence to remember Charon's sacrifice," he said.
"Is he...dead?" Hotaru dared to ask, visibly chilled by what had just happened.
Havoc shook his head. "No, Charon got off easy. All I wanted him to do was rile up the chibi-Havocs," He glanced over at NinNin. "The real fun begins now."
NinNin puffed out his chest and gave a haughty laugh. "Ha! Tako- boy didn't know the first thing about perving. I'll show him who's the best hentai player here--aside from you of course, Hentenno."
"Of course," Havoc dryly agreed, rolling his eyes. "Off with you now. Smack down those chibi-Havocs, NinNin."
"Wai!" NinNin exclaimed, happily bounding down the corridor. He stood before the bedroom door and then boldly proclaimed, "Watch out, chibi-Havocs! NinNin's here to lay down the lemon law!"
A very evil smile appeared on Havoc's face.
"What are you grinning about?" Setsuna asked.
"Oh, I just find it amusing that NinNin has yet to clue in he's nothing but fresh meat. But his stupidity will get rid of the chibi- Havocs once and for all, though."
Chaos' kawaii kitty ears perked up. "How?"
Inside the master bedroom, NinNin saw wall-to-wall chibi-Havocs. The pint-sized pervs were covering the furniture, stacked in piles atop each other, and some were hanging upside-down from the ceiling like bats, the panties they'd stolen dangling temptingly above NinNin's head.
And then unexpectedly, NinNin found two doors awaiting him inside the bedroom. One was labeled "Yuri" and the other "Yaoi."
"Of course!" NinNin exclaimed, smacking a fist into his palm. "The Hentenno is testing me to see if I am worthy of being in his Benkyo Brigade. All I have to do is chose the right door and I shall be given the glory I so deserve.
"Now, which Japanese term meant female/female relationships," NinNin mused, scratching his head. "Yuri...or yaoi? I forget which one is female/female, and which one's male/male. They sound so similar."
After a minute of deliberation, NinNin made up his mind.
"I shall go with my instinct, for that has never steered me wrong before!" he stated. "The glory I seek is hiding behind...the Yaoi door!"
The Yaoi Door was flung open.
And out from it spilled dozens of very aggressive & irate naughty tentacles. NinNin screamed as he realized too late that he'd once again made the wrong choice.
"It was Yuri after all!" he bemoaned as the tentacles snaked around him and then dragged him in through the Yaoi Door.
But the tentacles weren't satisfied in stopping there. They continued to reach out and snag a hold of whatever they could find. Namely the chibi-Havocs. The chibi-Havocs all yelped and scrambled over each other in a frenzied panic to stop from being violated in all sorts of nasty ways.
Soon the horde of thrashing tentacles had entangled the entire master bedroom. Desperate to escape, the chibi-Havocs screamed and fled, racing down the hallways and going right out through the front door.
chibi-Havocs: o.O; "Hup hup hup hup!"
Pandemonium: [looking back] "Must perv faster, Otoka-chans! The tentacles are gaining on us!"
"Wai! We did it!" Chaos cheered, wrapping Hotaru up in his arms and lifting her off the floor. "The chibi-Havocs will never come back now!"
Havoc grinned. "Yeah! Got the little buggers!"
Setsuna: ^^; "Ano...Havoc? The tentacles are...um...they're coming this way."
Havoc: o.O; "Evacuate the house!"
Setsuna grabbed Hotaru, flung the stunned girl over her shoulder and then raced out from the house, the naughty tentacles chasing and snapping just a few steps behind them. Havoc himself was running away, trying to fend off some of the tentacles by hitting them with a riding crop.
"Where's Chaos-chan?!" Hotaru exclaimed.
"Be right theeeeeere!" sounded Chaos' voice from somewhere in the midst of the thrashing fury of the naughty tentacles.
Suddenly one very large tentacle erupted from the masses, bucking wildly about as its fanged mouth snapped and roared. However it couldn't do very much since Chaos was perched atop its phallic- shaped head, tying a muzzle around it.
Chaos: "Sit! Stay! Bad tentacle, no biscuit!"
On a nearby hill, the two fanboys and Outer Senshi watched from a safe distance as the tentacles eventually got tired of probing the beach house. Naturally Chaos was looking through the wrong end of the binoculars.
"They're starting to withdraw," he reported. "I think they tentacles are going back into the Yaoi Door. Um...but now that the tentacles are gone, the chibi-Havocs are moving back into the beach house."
"So just where in your brilliant plan did this happen?" Setsuna dryly asked Havoc.
Havoc shrugged. "Hey, the art of wareme isn't an exact science. Perverted battles like this are as fluid as--"
"I get the idea," Setsuna cut in with a groan.
Havoc: ^-^ "And I've got your panties! Hotcha!"
Havoc: "Force of habit. What do you expect?"
Setsuna: [eyebrow twitch!] "Why you little!"
At the risk of stating the obvious, Setsuna maced Havoc with her 'Panty Raid' spray.
Havoc: ^-^ "Hey, that tickles!"
Setsuna: [stunned] "But...but why won't it work on you?"
Havoc: "Check the fineprint."
Setsuna: [reading the label] "'Chibi-strength. Will not be as effective on larger perverts.'"
She hung her head, letting out an exasperated groan. Hotaru tried to ease Setsuna's stress by giving her a shoulder rub. Chaos offered to do a pedicure, but Setsuna declined. She also didn't want to know which colours of toenail polish Chaos thought would look good with her current outfit.
"Can any infestation be worth this?" she sighed.
"Well," Chaos offered. "We could let Hysteria host a kawaii little tea party-chan if you think that will get the chibi-Havocs out...."
Setsuna eyes widened in horror at the mention of Hysteria. "Okay, I take it back. You two idiots are doing a wonderfully ineffective job."
Chaos & Havoc: ^-^ "Wai!"
"Don't worry. I know what will lure chibi-Havoc-kun out into the open," Havoc said, taking out his cell phone once more. "Jyako? Hentenno here again...What do you mean the Jello pit has to be drained?...You can't put that in there, no matter how much KY Jelly you use! It's impossible!...oh, it's Mido Miko. That's another story....Well, find a mirror and some ice tongs, and she should be fine."
He glanced back at Hotaru, Setsuna and Chaos--all of whom were gawking at him with stunned expressions and twitching eyebrows.
"Look, Jyako," he added. "I need another favour. We need you to get Naga over her immediately. The sooner the better...She's where?...With whom?...All of them?!...Hai hai. Ja."
With that, Havoc hung up the phone. "Slight problem," the Hentenno reported to the others. "Naga won't be here for a while. Which means we need to find a stand-in for her."
"Why do you need that Naga woman anyways?" Hotaru asked.
"You'll see soon enough," Havoc replied. "Now, who could pass off as Naga? We need someone who's tall, with long dark hair, and is fairly ample in the cleavage department."
Everyone slowly turned to look at Setsuna.
Setsuna: [sweatdrop!] "Don't even. I mean it!"
Back to the fics