Ten minutes later, a very scowling Setsuna was dressed up in the skimpy bikini worn by the infamous Naga the Serpent. She hmphed as she looked down at the grinning skull necklace nestled cozily between her breasts--which had been deliberately pushed out as far as possible.
"I can't believe you're making me Cosplay like this," she muttered, shooting Chaos a dark look.
Chaos could only shrug as he combed her dyed-blue hair out. "You're the only one who comes close to being as tall and...well- endowed as Naga."
Hotaru huffed indignantly and gave Chaos the cold shoulder treatment.
"Hotaru-chan, I didn't mean I like her bosoms more than your bosoms," Chaos said, starting to panic. "You've got great bosoms. Genki genki bosoms. You've got the sort of bosoms I would love to fon--"
[Cue the evil demonic form of Setsuna looming over Chaos!]
Setsuna: "NA NI?"
Chaos: o.O; [sweatdrop!] "I'll just stop talking about bosoms now."
Setsuna: [grrrrr!] "You do that."
"So what is with the Cosplaying thing?" Chaos asked as Havoc led the group back towards Setsuna's beach house.
Havoc had everyone stop in the middle of the living room, making sure Setsuna was the most prolific one there. Which really wasn't all that hard given the cleavage she was showing in her Naga suit.
Setsuna: --;; "Don't remind me."
"What now?" Hotaru asked.
Havoc took out a megaphone. "We have to draw chibi-Havoc-kun out from the nest. Once he goes for Setsuna's Cosplaying, I'll intercept him."
Chaos scratched his head in confusion. "Then what?"
"I'm perving in his territory," Havoc replied. "He'll see it as an act of aggression and will automatically challenge me for authority. If I win the fight, I become Alpha Perv and the chibi- Havocs will listen to me again. But in case he tries to escape, you and Chaos be ready with the net, Hotaru."
"Hai!" Hotaru answered. She sweatdropped as she saw Chaos flailing about in the netting. "Stop playing around, Chaos-chan."
"I wish I was," Chaos sniffled. "Where's the door on this thing?"
Havoc: [over the megaphone] "If chibi-Havoc-kun comes out, then...NAGA WILL GET NAKED!!"
Setsuna: --;; "This is so humiliating."
A loud chorus of "Hotcha!" reverberated through the entire beach house, rattling the pictures on the walls. For a moment after there was silence. And then a very ominous rumbling noise could be heard. And it was getting louder as it approached them.
"Ano...Havoc?" Chaos said, starting to back away.
Suddenly the house was alive with chibi-Havocs. Chibi-Havocs punched through the walls with a loud "Hotcha!", straining with their chibified fingers to grope Setsuna. The tiles of the floor were lifted up as chibi-Havocs tunneled through to the surface. The couches were torn to pieces as the chibi-Havocs lurking within all surged forth en masse. Chibi-Havocs crashed through the ceiling and started dropping down on top of everyone.
Hotaru screamed as a vase beside her burst apart, revealing a cackling chibi-Havoc inside. The chibi-Havoc lunged for her, only to faceplant right into Chaos' deployed umbrella.
"Havoc what the hell's going on?!" Chaos shouted.
Setsuna whipped out her Timestaff, making grandiose sweeping motions as if the staff were a scythe. Rows of advancing chibi-Havocs were scattered into the air. "What did you do, Havoc?" she snapped angrily.
"I knew it would draw out chibi-Havoc-kun!" Havoc exclaimed, ducking a chibi-Havoc as it swung across the living room on a vine. "I didn't expect it to flush out *all* the other chibi-Havocs too!"
"We need more room to fight," Hotaru shouted over the catcalls of "Hotcha!"
Still using his open umbrella to deflect the multitudes of flying hentai's trying to glomp onto Hotaru, Chaos spun around...only to find that the front entry was swarming with chibi-Havocs. A pulsating (if not throbbing) wall of chibi-Havocs now blocked the exit, and they were all eyeing Chaos with malevolent perverted glee.
"We had better find a new escape route," Hotaru said.
Suddenly a blur of colour bounded through the air, pouncing on Havoc. His reflexes kicking in, Havoc sidestepped the blinding ball of chibiness that shot past him.
"What the?" he muttered.
There on the floor, crouched low and growling, was chibi-Havoc- kun. The only male chibi-Havoc began to slowly circle Havoc, never looking away.
"Up the stairs! The stairs!" Setsuna called out, fumbling for her 'Panty Raid' can. Yet when she sprayed it, she barely even got a spurt; the can was empty.
The chibi-Havoc in front of her grinned.
Setsuna: [sweatdrop!] "Uh-oh."
"Setsuna-momma, hurry!" Hotaru urged the other Senshi. She looked down the staircase only to see Chaos gone, a discarded umbrella left on the bottom stair. Hotaru's eyes widened. "Chaos-chan!"
Chaos, meanwhile, was busy fighting with a trio of chibi-Havoc- chans who were bitch-slapping him silly as they dragged him into the kitchen. "Ow!' he exclaimed amidst the smackings. "Oooh! Hey, that was uncalled for!"
He spotted some of Setsuna's kitchen appliances lying on the floor, and managed to snag an egg beater as he was being dragged past it. Vengefully he began to wisk the nearest chibi-Havoc, sending up a spray of Cream Lemon in the process.
All the other chibi-Havocs immediately let go of him and kept their distance. Chaos found himself encircled, chibi-Havocs all just a few steps away & perched on chairs, the table, the shelves and the counters. The chibi-Havocs hooted and hopped about, eagerly awaiting to see which of them would be the first to glomp Chaos and take him down.
"Okay, if that's the way you're going to play," Chaos stated, quickly plugging in a nearby waffle iron. "Who wants some fanboy?"
One chibi-Havoc darted forward and ran right up Chaos' pant leg. Chaos yelped and started dancing around in a frantic attempt to get the chibi-Havoc-chan out from his pants. He managed to snag the super- deformed sukebe.
"Part of a complete breakfast," he glibly remarked, stuffing the chibi-Havoc into the hot waffle iron and then slamming down the lid. The chibi-Havoc let out a muffled shout as it thrashed around, the mouth-watering smell of Creme Brulee filling the air.
His gloating was short-lived though.
With all his attention focused on the waffle iron, the rest of the chibi-Havocs all jumped onto Chaos' back. Chaos performed an involuntary facevault from all the added weight, but luckily for him a chair broke his fall.
The chibi-Havocs abruptly found themselves beneath the very dark shadow of Hotaru. She glared at the chibi-Havocs with a look that could have melted Gundanium. "Get off my boyfriend," she snarled.
With a terrified squeal, the frightened chibi-Havoc-chans all ran into each other before bolting in different directions.
"Sugoi," Chaos whispered in awe.
Hotaru winked at Chaos. "You just have to know how to handle them, woman to woman."
But then Hotaru was suddenly knocked aside as a dozen chibi- Havocs swung past her on a vine. With a startled cry Hotaru toppled over and was instantly bound up with rope in rather kinky ways. The chibi-Havocs all gleefully danced about her before hoisting her onto their shoulders, preparing to carry Hotaru off.
"Hotaru!" Chaos exclaimed, leaping to his feet. Unfortunately he stepped right on a slippery patch of whipped cream and went crashing into the kitchen pantry. "Daijobu!" he said, bouncing back out of the pantry with a mop somehow stuck down his shirt.
He sweatdropped upon seeing a now very nekkid Setsuna frantically streaking past him, a line of chibi-Havocs eagerly bouncing after her.
Chibi-Havocs: "Pu-chan Pu-chan Pu-chan Pu-chan Pu-chan!"
Chaos: o.O; "Ooooookaaaaaaay."
"I've got to do something," Chaos said, looking around the chibi-infested house. "Havoc, where are you?"
"I'm a little busy right now!" Havoc called out, rolling across the living room floor as he wrestled with chibi-Havoc-kun. Cream lemon was spurting everywhere.
Setsuna abruptly streaked in front of Chaos again, trying to shake off a chibi-Havoc glomped onto her butt. "Chaos, do something!" she shouted.
"Chaos-chaaaaaan!" Hotaru called out as she was being carried up the stairs.
Chaos looked from one Senshi to the other, and then down to Havoc. The fate of the fic rested upon his self-inserted shoulders. Needless to say, no good could ever come of this.
"Desperate times call for desperate measures," he stated with a nod of his head. He closed his eyes and then began to channel his powers as a self-inserted overlord of Mass Destruction.
The air around him began to glow from an electric charge, various things on the floor starting to float in the air. The veins in his forehead throbbing mightily, Chaos opened wide his eyes and let out a shout.
Chaos: "I summon the author's raging ego!!"
[Cue the oversized, ghostly apparition of His lordship Chaos' rampant ego!!]
Author's Raging Ego: "FEED ME!!!!"
Chaos: "Yes! Watch as the raging ego of our author crushes all who would stand against it!"
[The author's raging ego abruptly looks down at Chaos.]
Author's Raging Ego: "LUNCH!!"
Chaos: o.O; "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
At the risk of stating the obvious, the manifestation of the author's raging ego promptly devoured Chaos, chewed the fanboy up and then spit him out again. And right into Setsuna's prized Van Gogh painting too.
"Note to self: never do that again," he groaned as he pulled himself out from the Chaos-shaped hole in the wall. "I guess I'll just have to bedazzle them with this!"
Reaching behind himself into a pan-dimensional pocket, he pulled out his ultimate weapon!
Chaos: [holding up a manuscript!] "Behold, my newest Chaosfic: Trigundam Wing!"
There came an audible "gasp!" from everyone inside the beach house. All the chibi-Havocs froze in mid-bounce. Havoc and chibi- Havoc-kun ceased to fight. Even Setsuna's running had come to a grinding halt, ranks of chibi-Havocs crashing right into her and thusly into each other.
Chaos cleared his throat and then flipped past the title page. "Chupter One...no wait, that's a misspelling. I can't believe I didn't see that before. Okay then, Chapter One: the Sixty-Billion Double Dollar Gundam!
"Lora Peacecroft--er, wait a minute...that's more Tomb Raider. It's supposed to be Relena Peacecraft, people! Sorry, I got the wrong show there. Anyhoo, Relena was not exactly enjoying her new work at the Barnelli Insurance Agency. Namely because she had to invastigate...no, invusti...look at all the claims filed because of a mobile suit known as the Stampede Gundam destroying OZ bases."
chibi-Havocs: @.@ "Orooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo...."
The chibi-Havocs began to glance nervously at each other, a look of panic spreading across their faces. One by one they started to back away from Chaos and give him wider berth. Hotaru found herself being gently set down and untied, the chibi-Havocs now scurrying up the stairs in the hopes that they wouldn't be noticed.
"It's working!" Hotaru said. "Chaos-chan, your story's scaring them off!"
"Scaring?" Chaos replied. "Oh come on; they were just so much in awe of my writing skills that they couldn't stand before me. They realized how inferior they are when compared to my creative genius.
"'So I am supposed to find this elusive Gundam pilot named Vash,' Relena said as she cruised around in her F-91 Gundam. No wait...that Gundam belongs in a different series, not in Wing! Crap, I hope no one noticed!"
Chaos looked up at his more or less captive audience.
By now all the chibi-Havocs had thrown caution to the wind and were now madly racing towards any possible exit. Some threw themselves through the windows while others just ran straight through the walls. With chibi-Havoc-kun in the lead crying "Run away! Run away!" the entire nest vacated Setsuna's house.
"They're gone," Setsuna sighed in relief, sitting down on the remains of her couch and strategically placing a cushion in front of her nude body. "Ne, Chaos, you can stop reading anytime now."
"Hold on, this is a really good part!" Chaos interjected, still engrossed in his fic. "Renela--oops, got the 'n' and the 'l' backwards there. So Relena stood before the towering Gundam. And in front of her was its plito. Plito? What's a plito? (^-^) Oh, I see! A pilot!"
Havoc picked himself off the floor, only to have the ground abruptly rumble beneath him. "Ano...Chaos? Remember what happened the last time you read a Chaosfic outloud?" he said.
"Should the sky be looking that menacing?" Hotaru asked, pointing out the windows.
Sure enough, a large dark storm was swiftly overtaking the skies. Thunder and lightning seemed to be going off right above their heads, the winds turning into a violent tempest that stirred the ocean tides to violent life.
And still clueless, Chaos read on.
"Relena was half-expecting to hear him say 'I'm going to kill you', but instead Vash gave her the V-sign and shouted 'Love and Peace!'"
"Chaos-chan, I really think you should stop reading that," Hotaru said worriedly. "The birds are starting to drop dead in midair!"
The floor began to buckle as the earth shifted beneath the beach house. Abruptly the walls splintered, the roof itself twisting violently as pieces of the frame were torn away and sucked into the vortex overhead.
"This is going to get worse before it gets better," Setsuna said in alarm, quickly crossing the living room and ushering Hotaru to a safer place.
"'Say, you got any donuts on this colony?' Vash asked. Relena just shake her head--aw, not again! That was supposed to be past tense, not present." Chaos looked around the room. "Anyone have some whiteout on them?"
Havoc just shook his head. "My Catgirl Nookie Nookie fic was way better than this."
Abruptly his cell phone rang. Havoc pulled it out from his inner jacket pocket, then nearly lost it as the fierce winds blew through the beach house.
"I'm a little busy right now!" he shouted over the phone.
On the other side of the line came Stayhard Von Lohengrope's voice. "Havoc-tono, are you having problems?"
"That's a rather benign way of putting it," Havoc replied. He quickly sidestepped a coffee table now being picked up by the wind and sliding out the front door. "The damn chibi-Havocs have gone feral. In order to get them out of Setsuna's house, Chaos had to start reading one of his fics. But now he won't shut up!"
Lohengrope sounded rather surprised. "Is that all? I can take care of that." Then Havoc heard Lohengrope say offside to someone else: "Ready the fleet for an all-out orbital strike. Target the co-ordinates of Havoc's cell phone."
Havoc: "Hey! I'm still here!"
Lohengrope: "You'll survive."
Setsuna: [suspicious] "Havoc, who are you talking to?"
Havoc: ^^;; "Mmmmmmmmm, no one. By the way, Hotaru, you might want to throw up a Silence Wall in a few seconds."
Seconds later the sky was filled with an unexpectedly bright light. And with the grandiose display of a budget-blowing pyrotechnics, Setsuna's prized luxurious beach house was reduced to a large smoking hole in the earth. Nothing was left of the estate.
But on the bright side, the attack from Lohengrope's orbiting spaceships had effectively shut Chaos up.
Hotaru: [picking Chaos out from the debris] "Chaos-chan, daijobu?"
Chaos: x.x "And there was this bright light at the end of the explosion...."
Havoc dusted a patch of ash off his shoulder, shaking his head at the ruins Setsuna's beach house. "Well, my work here is done. Your beach house is now chibi-Havoc free, Setsuna. Setsuna?"
Havoc turned and looked around when he got no response.
Setsuna was sitting at the edge of the crater, gazing forlornly down at the only item in her hands to survive the orbital strike: a shoe with Cream Lemon in it. With a loud sigh, Setsuna began to sing her own rendition of a very famous Kermit the Frog song: "It's not that easy being creamed...."
[Three hours later....]
Hotaru happily skipped into Haruka and Michiru's house, a broad smile on her face. "Ohayo, Haruka-poppa! Michiru-momma!"
"Ara, someone's rather cheerful today," Michiru remarked as she helped Haruka prepare their dinner for the evening. "Did you enjoy yourself, Hime-chan?"
Hotaru nodded. "And we've got a guest who'd like to stay with us too."
"Oh, for a sleep-over?" Haruka inquired, busy fishing a jar out from the fridge.
Just then Setsuna stepped in through the front door, carrying a suitcase in each hand.
Setsuna: ;_; "This was all I could salvage from the Winnabego."
"Actually, probably for a few months," Hotaru answered.
Michiru wiped her hands clean before walking off down the hallway. "I'll go prepare the guest room again."
"Your house blew up again?!" Haruka remarked with surprise.
Setsuna mutely nodded as she tossed the suitcases to the side and then collapsed upon one of the living room couches. "And SM otaku wonder why I spend so much time at this house," she muttered, shaking her head. "Stupid fanboys."
But then a coy smile made its way onto her face as she reached into her purse and drew out a sizeable cheque from the Bernelli Insurance Agency. "A good thing I saw this coming and insured the beach house against Acts Of Avatar. I really cleaned up in this fic."
Havoc, who helped create the premise of this fic, and then gave a Swedish massage to any of the kinks in the plot. Well...as much of a plot as there was here.
Desolation, for coming up with the 'Delinquent in Dragu Slave' Chaosfic.
To the gang who helped the Anime North 2001 reading of this fic a big success: Havoc, Sean Gaffney, Ysabet, Vampy-chan, Pandemonium and the guys who did a great job with the SD Pesti's and the chibi-Havoc's. ^-^
Chaos: [opening the door to the apartment] "Tadaima."
Dark Mayhem: "Oh, you're back. Tell me, who won?"
[Sulking, Chaos slaps down 50,000 Yen onto the coffee table and then walks off.]
Dark Mayhem: ^-^ [pocketing the cash] "Pleasure doing business with you."
Chaos: --;; "Okay, so you called it right. Stop that damn grinning already."
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