Once upon a fic, there was a bean.

Chibi-Beans: ^-^ "Berf."

           This bean owned a lake god, which she fed and cleaned and kept in an aquarium. The aquarium itself remained in her dorm room, and save for a few very close and fuku-clad friends, no one else knew of this unique housepet. And so everyone lived happily ever after...kind of.
           For you see, there was this fanboy.

Chibi-Chaos: [looking around] "Is that my cue? Am I on now?"

           He wanted the bean's lake god for himself, since his own mascots kept trying to eat him. This fanboy made many attempts to steal the bean's lake god--and failed miserably, getting his butt swiftly kicked numerous times in the process. And so everyone lived happily ever after...kind of.
           For you see, there was this MSTier.

Chibi-Nightbreak: ^^v "Yo."

           Wanting a playful deity to have as his own mascot, he set out to steal the wind god that had appeared in one of the bean's latest College Life fics. But he quickly realized he needed the skills of a more experienced god thief. One can only guess why he picked an idiot like the fanboy, however. And so the MSTier and the fanboy teamed up to get the bean's mascots for themselves.

Chibi-Chaos & Chibi-Nightbreak: ^-^v "Hai!!"

           So the bean brought in some friends of hers to beat the crap outta them.

Chibi-Chaos & Chibi-Nightbreak: o.O

           [Cue Chibi-Sailor Skuld, Chibi-Andrea Doolan, Chibi-Levar Bouyer & Chibi-Tim Nolan all angrily stomping on Chibi-Chaos & Chibi-Nightbreak!]

           And so everyone lived happily ever after.
           Kind of.
           For you see, there was this evil 'Curse of the Fanboys!!!' author....



Greenbeans, Nightbreak & His lordship Chaos present:



A COMPLETE WASTE OF AN OMAKEFIC!!!


(otherwise known as, Adventures of the Mame Goddesses!)


Part I: Mame Impossible




           The sun beat down upon Chibi-Chaos' brow as he found himself dangling in a very precarious position--namely somewhere on a lone, towering plateau in the middle of nowhere. The tips of his super- deformed toes were carefully supporting his body on a ledge of rock, which gave way to a dizzying view. Far beneath him he could see the ground and a few small trees that resembled green ants from his point of view. Chibi-Chaos gulped, a sweatdrop appearing next to his head as he reflected that the next time he try mountain climbing, he really shouldn't let Anarchy volunteer to catapult him halfway up the mountain. But it was too late to go down, and all that was left was to continue scaling the sheer vertical rock face.
           Climbing proved to be slightly more haphazard than usual: given his chibified state, Chaos' limbs had been reduced to kawaii albeit stumpy arms and legs. That doesn't help much for mobility. But since Chibi-Chaos was prone to having a panic attack every minute or so from looking down, he could easily defy gravity with his flailing arms & legs, and then scuttle along the rock face to find a better place.
           He paused upon finding that if he actually wanted to reach the top, he'd have to jump from one ledge to another. If he slipped, he'd have the facevault from hell awaiting him at the mountain's base. But Chibi-Chaos was sure of his nimble grace and agile nature. So after making a quick calculation (taking the wind's speed and direction into account), Chibi-Chaos released his talon-like grip on his current foothold and dropped to the safety of the ledge nearby.
           Unfortunately, he missed it completely.
           And with the suave confidence of any god-like self-inserted avatar, Chibi-Chaos screamed like a girl as he plummeted to the ground. Yet, as with any Anime character who's gone SD, Chaos' small body had become akin to a giant rubber ball. Upon hitting the ground at terminal velocity, he bounced right back up and onto the top of the plateau.
           With an unceremonious "Thud!" he faceplanted onto the flattened peak, his eyebrow twitching as the kana for 'Owwww, my coccyx!' drifted by in the wind. But then he triumphantly bounced back onto his feet, taking in the sweeping and majestic view of the rugged, rocky terrain sprawled out before him.
           Chibi-Chaos smiled to himself. "Perfect," he stated, placing his hands on his hips. "This will make an excellent location for my Trigunsmith Cats fic."
           He turned his head, wiping some of the sweat off his face as he heard a loud buzzing noise. Moments later the Nadesico popped up from behind the plateau. The Aestevalis catapult was readied, and fired off a mobile suit.
           However the aim was a little off, and instead of hitting the rock next to Chibi-Chaos' feet, the Aestevalis clobbered the chibified fanboy square in his super-deformed face.

Chibi-Chaos: x.x "Itaaaaaii!!!"

           After re-inflating himself, Chibi-Chaos crawled up to the Aestevalis cockpit and looked inside. Resting neatly atop the pilot's chair was a pair of Raybandai sunglasses. Chibi-Chaos carefully picked up the shades (after having mistakenly sat on them) and then placed them over his eyes, leaving the Nadesico as it Bosom Jumped through a nearby Tulip and left him alone.
           To the casual reader the sunglasses were ordinary. But as Chibi-Chaos placed them over his eyes, a number of small, computer- generated images appeared on the interior of the tinted lenses. Then apparently his shades performed an illegal operation, gave him the blue screen of death, and had to reboot.
           "Stupid Squishysoft Corporation," Chibi-Chaos sighed.
           Once his retinal ID was cleared (and Chibi-Chaos was left blinded from the flashing screen), an all too familiar voice was heard.
           It was the author.
           "Hey, otakudonbaka! Your fic, should you choose to accept it, is just like all the other ones: get Greenbeans' lake god and make it your own mascot. This time your operation will not be a solo effort; you are to contact and recruit this MSTier."
           A small window appeared in the left lens, revealing the chibified stature of Nightbreak. "Nightbreak has been wanting a mascot of his own recently, and will help you capture Beans' aquarium if you provide suitable compensation," His lordship Chaos' monologue continued. "The wind god featured in College Life, part 18 makes for an easy target. Aid him in retrieving it, and he will join your team. As always, if you or any member of your Impossible Mame team is caught or smited, the author will disavow any knowledge of having helped in your latest half-assed attempt to steal the lake god.
           "And next time," His lordship Chaos' voice added. "Try not to make the opener of your fics look like a really cheap M:I-2 ripoff."
           The author's voice was replaced with a cheerful female voice that said: "This scene will self-destruct in five paragraphs, dechu."
           Chibi-Chaos sighed as he removed the shades from over his eyes. "Hmph!," he stated. "My butt is cuter than Tom Cruise's anyday. And it's cuter than Hiiro Yui's too, no matter what the hordes of screaming Wing fangirls would think otherwise."
           With that, Chaos tossed the Raybandai sunglasses over the edge of the cliff. However the sunglasses happened to bounce off the body of a Kushinada Airlines jumbo jet that passed just over Chibi-Chaos' head.

Chibi-Desolation: [clinging to the nose of the plane] "Whaddaya mean 'no complimentary peanuts on this flight'?!"

Fairy Godbabbit: ^-^ [dining on lobster in first class] "This is why it pays to book your tickets ahead of time."

           The sunglasses were subsequently blown right back into the li'l SD avatar's arms.

Chibi-Chaos: o.O;; [ack!] "Stunt double! Stunt double!"

           Two seconds later, the shades, along with the rest of the scene (and quite possibly the entire fic, as some critics would argue), blew up in his face.


*           *           *

           CLUB ANIPIKE
           9:23pm
           (Have you hugged a Puchuu today?)

           Out in front of the club, a strangely super-deformed MSTier avatar checked his watch. "We were supposed to meet about five minutes ago," he mused. "At least I'm not too late." Bypassing the usual array of parked vehicles, which tonight included the Outlaw Star, a few convertibles, Kintaro's mountain bike, and the odd flying Volkswagen Beetle, Chibi-Nightbreak headed for the front entrance.
           Yes indeed, things were looking up for him tonight, mainly because he actually had to look up to everything else since he was super-deformed. Chibi-Nightbreak happily strolled into Club Anipike--and immediately froze upon seeing that all the patrons were Ayanami Rei clones.
           Ayanami Rei was playing pool against Ayanami Rei, and losing dreadfully. A cluster of Ayanami Rei's were huddled at a booth, playing a game of poker. Ayanami Rei won the hand with a straight flush. Ayamani Rei wasn't impressed as she grudgingly forked over all of her poker chips. A few Ayanami Rei's were milling around, talking and laughing together over a meal. An Ayanami Rei coming out the women's bathroom greeted an Ayanami Rei going into the men's bathroom.
           Upon closer inspection Chibi-Nightbreak suddenly realized that all the Ayanami Rei's in the bar were Cosplaying, each one dressed up like different Anime characters.
           A Linayanami Inverse hungrily wolfed down the dozen or so meals that a roller-skating Va-Rei-ble Geo waitress had brought her. Linayanami abruptly lost her appetite as the loud and maniacal cackling of Nagayanami echoed across the club. Crayanami Shin-chan was busy showing a horrified Reiyo-Ohki cabbit her "little EVAphant."
           "What will it be?" Ayanami Jotarei, the hulking red-eyed bartender, asked. She had to peer right over the counter in order to see the half-pint MSTier.
           Chibi-Nightbreak's eyebrow twitched as he saw Nagayanami's enormous cleavage do its patented jiggling. "Something very strong," he replied, the li'l avatar scrambling to get onto the barstool. With some considerable fuss he managed to stand atop the stool and get his drink. He smiled nervously as he accepted his Bloody Blue Mary. "Ano...what's with all the Rei clones?"
           "Anime Instrumentality," Meiayanami replied nonchalantly as she passed in behind Chibi-Nightbreak.
           Chibi-Nightbreak's eyes bugged out and he choked on his Bloody Blue Mary drink upon seeing the Vandread pilot with her strange new character design.
           He wasn't the only one surprised either.
           Kaoru strolled in through the front door, and froze upon seeing all the Ayanami Rei's populating the club. With a lamenting sigh, the 17th Angel/bishounen said, "Why couldn't it have been a club full of Shinji-kun's?"
           "Oro?" Reironi Kenshin remarked from the pool table, glancing over her shoulder. She abruptly panicked. "Kyaaaaa! Clear out the Club! There's a Jigglypuff at the karaoke machine!"
           And it just so happened that at that exact moment, with fabulous melodramatic flair, Chibi-Chaos threw open the front door to Club Anipike. "Have no fear, Chaos is here!" he proclaimed in a bold voice.
           He was instantly stomped on by an army of stampeding, Ayanami Rei clones.

Chibi-Chaos: @.@ "A-Ano...was it something I said?"

           Seeing his fellow conspirator sprawled across the ground like a twitching SD floormat, Chibi-Nightbreak carefully climbed down from his barstool and scuttled over to help. Luckily, Ukyo strolled in from the Studio Anipike and used her giant spatula to peel Chibi-Chaos off the floor.
           Once the Ayanami Rei's had departed, the club started to fill up with some of its more usual clientele (oxymoron that it may be). The trio of ladies from Neoranga, wearing their red body-paint and *ahem* strategically placed strips of white cloth, sauntered in. Seconds later that same trio of ladies from Neoranga, wearing only their red body-paint, ran out from the club as an overly randy male Maze chased after them.
           "So where'd you hide that suitcase with Melfina in it?" Jim Hawkings remarked to his partner as they lounged at a table near the karaoke stage.
           Gene Starwind waved the question aside. "Oh, she's stashed in the trunk of some Nekobus. Trust me, no one will find it."

Miyuki Kobayakawa: [flagging down the Nekobus outside] "Police inspection, Ma'am. May I step aboard?"

Satsuki: ^-^ [at the wheel] "Why certainly, officer Miyuki. All I've got in here is this big suitcase. Hmmm...I don't even remember when I got this, but I'm sure it's harmless. Feel free to open it...."

           There was a slight disturbance as one of the Lodoss Island dragons tried to fit into the bar, not quite understanding that it was in fact large enough to sit on the entire building and not notice. Yet whether or not it could be considered good fortune, it just so happened that the Galaxy Express 999 train was making a scheduled stop at Club Anipike...and gave the gargantuan dragon an unexpected goosing.
           Chibi-Nightbreak looked up at the rattling ceiling, the lights flickering off and on as the dragon let out a startled yelp and took to the skies. "The air traffic controllers who work here must be near suicidal," he remarked, taking another sip of his Bloody Blue Mary.
           He reclined back in his booth...which, given his SD stature, really meant he was just sitting down in a booster seat with his large glass resting in his lap. Chibi-Chaos, on the other hand, had to use a highchair.
           "Hey, look!" Chibi-Chaos squeaked excitedly as another young Anime lady strolled into the club. "It's Ifurita from El Hazard...no wait, it's Sylia from BGC 2040...or maybe it's that chick from Dual before her hair gets shaved off." He sighed and shook his head. "Those guys really need to get some new character designs."
           Chibi-Nightbreak gave a loud and deliberate cough. "Chaos? Can we get down to business?" he asked.
           "Certainly," Chibi-Chaos said with a nod. "Here's the deal: you help me get Beans' lake god, and then I'll help you get Beans' wind god."
           "Why do you get to go first?" Chibi-Nightbreak asked.
           Chibi-Chaos frowned and began to sulk. "Because I always screw up more. I don't want you backing out of the deal when the octopi start flying, just because you've already got your deity."
           "Hai hai," Chibi-Nightbreak conceded. "So what's your ingenious plan? You go out on some half-baked Mame: Impossible operation, and I just stand back to bandage your broken body afterwards?"
           Chibi-Chaos was about to open his mouth, but then paused in considering Chibi Nightbreak's remark. "That too. You also get to be a part of my cheerleading section, complete with scrolling kana and pompoms! Ne, how do you look in a pleated skirt? Do I need to get you measured?"
           Chibi-Nightbreak choked on his drink.
           "But as my co-conspirator in this omakefic," Chibi-Chaos said, hauling out a large display board. "You will also assist me in executing my evil plan for world domination, which involves showing the global leaders the live action/animated Saban Moon trailer. Once their minds are shattered, my crack team of paratrooper PenPens shall begin to land at the following cities."
           "Ano...these are all locations in Tokyo," Chibi-Nightbreak said as he consulted the map. "And did a child scribble this in crayon?"
           Chibi-Chaos balked at answering. "Not quite...."

Jigglypuff: ^^v [with crayons] "Jiggly!"

           "This is insane," Chibi-Nightbreak groaned.
           "Yes it is, but that's the genius of my plan!" Chibi-Chaos insisted. "We'll bring them all to Tokyo under the guise of releasing the newest Studio Ghibli movie. And then we'll beat them senseless with Saban Moon...or else anything done by Masami Obaka."
           "Obari," Nightbreak corrected. "His name's Masami Obari."
           "If you've seen Gaocaizer, you'll agree with my version," Chaos said. "Now then, back to my plans to rule the fansbbed world. My job will be to serve as cannon fodder when our enemies attack our new secret headquart--(o.O;) Wait a minute! You're supposed to be the cannon fodder, not me! Wow, is that a glaring typo in the contract, or what? Does anyone here have some white-out?"
           Chibi-Chaos looked around, but found only a gerbil Cosplaying as an Angelic Layer doll. "These contracts are non-negotiable," Light-Speed Tamagoyaki stated in no uncertain terms. "However, you do get a complimentary Puchuu bear, Chaos."

Chibi-Chaos: ^-^ "Wai! Now that makes it all good."

Puchuu bear: ^-^ "Puchuu!"

Chibi-Nightbreak: [sigh!] "I'd try to warn him, but then I'd wind up becoming the obligatory cannon fodder in this fic."

           "Now then, we'll hit College Life and steal Beans' lake god soon enough," Chibi-Chaos said as he climbed out from his seat. "But there's one place I need to check out first."
           He looked over to his left, then over to his right, and then out in front of his highchair. "Ano...how do I get down from here?" he asked quietly.
           A solution unexpectedly presented itself when nekobot NukuNuku came charging along, the half-dog demon Inu Yasha hot on her heels. Chibi-Chaos got clobbered in the face by NukuNuku's steel-plated stomach, and then was stomped on by all four of Inu Yasha's paws.
           Kagome abruptly stood up from her table with Yamamato Yoko and a fan Senshi, an irritated eyebrow twitch showing her annoyance. "SIT!" she shouted.
           Inu Yasha unceremoniously face-slammed himself into the floor.
           "Honestly," Kagome sighed, sitting back down. "It's because he never went through a demon obedience school that I have to put up with this every day."
           "K-Kono yaro," Inu Yasha growled, slowly pulling himself off the tiled floor. A somewhat uneasy expression came over his face as he suddenly found himself in the shadow of a very large and unpleasant tiger demon.

Tora: [grrrr!] "And just what the hell do you think you're doing terrorizing my girlfriend, dog-boy?"

Inu Yasha: [confidently getting up] "Hmph. You don't scare me. I've killed youkai far worse than you."

Tora: [unsheathing his claws] "Really? Then what are you going to do with me?"

Inu Yasha: [heh] "I'll tell you what I'm going to do, you oversized orange kitten. I am going to RUN!!!"

           And off raced Inu Yasha, stepping on a swirly-eyed Chibi- Chaos, who was still recovering from the last stomping. The SD fanboy didn't fare any better when Tora proceeded to pounce and land on his back. On the plus side, he had gotten out of the highchair!

Chibi-Chaos: x.x "Oh good...I can die fulfilled now."

Chibi-Nightbreak: "This is why I always use the booster seat. And a straw."

           And so once Chibi-Chaos had recovered, the two guys headed off to the rear entrance of the club. But someone coming out from Studio Anipike bumped into Chibi-Chaos and...well, Chibi-Chaos wasn't even big enough to clock himself on the guy's kneecap.
           "Hey, watch it, buddy!" Chibi-Chaos snapped, staring defiantly up at the towering warrior looming over him. "I may be a chibi, but I'm still an avatar! I can haul out a self-inserted can o' whup-ass on you any episode I want."
           The hulking Kenshiro looked down and pondered the noise this insignificant, li'l SD fanboy was making. He then shrugged and decided to use his Hokuto Shinken fighting technique on Chibi- Chaos. Kenshiro puffed out his chest, thusly shredding his shirt (costume designers, and fashion boys who think they're cool, remain calm! It always conveniently reappears intact in the next scene).

Kenshiro: "Flying Bird Air Slash Wave!!"

Chibi-Chaos: --;; "Flying bird what?"

Kenshiro: [jabbing his fingertips at Chibi-Chaos] "YATTA-TA-TA-TA- TA-TA-TA-TA-TAAAAAAA!!"

Chibi-Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

[Many perforations later....]

Chibi-Chaos:[hobbling along on crutches] "Stupid Kenshiro and his Fists of the Northstar...if he'd come from the anime "Blazing Transfer Student", he would'a been snuffed before he finished yelling out that stupid attack!"

Chibi-Nightbreak: "You know, sharing one of your fics is a rather surreal experience."

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