*          *

          Meanwhile, the wind god was still bent on displaying its displeasure at being trapped inside a vacuum cleaner. Or else it as showing how much it enjoyed chasing after girls with its hose & nozzle. Either way, much fanservice was to be had in College Life. A nekkid, furry Neko-Michiru raced past Chibi-Chaos and between the legs of a stunned residence student who had the misfortune of opening his door at that exact moment.
          "What the?" he exclaimed. He glanced across the hall and saw the mamequin staring back at him. "Beans, what's going on?"
          Seconds later, he was clobbered by the plug-in cord of the vacuum cleaner, which was flapping wildly in behind the vacuum.
          Neko-Hotaru clawed open a door further down the hallway, and leap inside...and right onto the coupling co-ed students. Chibi- Nightbreak found himself in a loosing battle as he tried to keep Neko-Makoto's bloomers from being sucked up the vacuum nozzle. And true to form, Chibi-Chaos decided that if you were going to fight fire with a banana, you should at least start dropping cows on the wind god.
          Bovines went crashing through the ceiling and then were getting flung out windows and into dorm rooms. One flying cow wound up colliding with the door that had the mamequin strapped to it. Freed from its restraints, the mamequin pinwheeled through the air, and got its legs entangled in the vacuum's plug-in cord.
          Well, having had enough of cramped spaces (not to mention having stripped every last female in the corridor of her clothes), the wind god decided to explore the rest of the dorm residences. Off the vacuum went, dragging the mamequin behind it. The vacuum tore down the stairs, the mamequin bouncing and twisting along. The vacuum rolled up the walls and across the ceiling of the common room, the mamequin dangling limply in front of the stunned students.
          Standing at the top of the stairs, Chibi-Chaos was quick to find some optimism in spite of the situation. "Well, the good news is that I think people will be amazed if she lived through this, so we don't have to pretend she's alive afterwards," he said. "What luck! We can claim she was killed by a perverted vacuum cleaner!"
          Chibi-Nightbreak smacked his own forehead. "I should have listened to my mother and gone into global domination. At least that profession garners more respect than this."
          The vacuum suddenly paused while on the ceiling, the nozzle swaying around as if it was sniffing the air for a scent. Suddenly it dropped from the ceiling, hitting the floor before the mamequin did. As a result, the mamequin landed right on top of the vacuum apparatus itself, legs sprawled as if the vacuum were a horse.
          Rearing up, the vacuum took off down a hallway, Chibi-Chaos and Chibi-Nightbreak chasing after it. "Now it looks as if Beans is chasing after girls on a vacuum cleaner," Chibi-Nightbreak said.
          Chibi-Chaos shrugged. "I would have used a Vespa moped myself, but that's just personal preference speaking."
          They came to a dead stop, though, when they saw the vacuum cleaner swerving right into the women's showers and bathrooms. Dozens of shrieks and screams and "Beans, what are you doing?!" could be heard from inside.
          Chibi-Nightbreak groaned as numerous damp towels came flying out from the open bathroom door.
          "Wow," Chibi-Chaos remarked. "At this rate, Havoc's going to show up and recruit the vacuum cleaner for the Benkyo Brigade."


          *          *

          For those of you readers who didn't see where this fic was going about four scenes ago, Chibi-Beans, Haruka and Michiru were stunned to see the possessed vacuum cleaner barge into the women's bathrooms and suck the clothes of virtually every person there. Women in the shower stalls screamed and ran around in circles. Other female students primping in front of the vanity mirrors tried in vain to lob their make-up kits at the vacuum, but that didn't stop the wind god from stripping them nekkid.
          "And that was my favourite sports bra too," a now topless Haruka muttered darkly.
          Michiru motioned with her chin to one of the toilet stalls. "We can transform in there and stop this youma before it does any more damage."
          Haruka sweatdropped as she appraised the toilet stall. "In there? But that has to be the most uncool place to do a transformation ever! I'll be humiliated for my next three reincarnations if we have to do our entrance out of there."
          However, that became a moot point as the vacuum cleaner bounced onto the counters, and clipped Chibi-Beans. The SD avatar was tossed into the air from the impact, landing on top of the vacuum apparatus and right in front of the mamequin.

Chibi-Beans: o.O;; "Tasuketeeeee! I don't have my helmet on! And this thing doesn't have airbags or seatbelts!"

Haruka: [from inside the toilet stall] "Work the clutch and slow it down, Beans!

Chibi-Beans: "It's a vacuum cleaner, it doesn't have a clutch!"

          Very quickly, the wind god ran out of victims in the women's bathrooms, and came barrelling back outside into the hallways. Chibi-Beans was barely able to hold on, but the speed at which the vacuum was traveling proved too much, and she slid off, taking mamequin with her. At the last second she grabbed onto the plug-in cord dangling behind the vacuum, while the mamequin just danced in the air, its own feet still entangled in the cord from earlier.
          Cleverly waiting in the common room with a net and a tuning fork, Chibi-Chaos and Chibi-Nightbreak tried to capture the wind god, but the vacuum just bowled the two over.

Chibi-Chaos: -.-;; "Great, now I've got tread marks on my face from the wheels. What else is next?"

Chibi-Beans: [abunai!] "Look out!"

Chibi-Chaos: o.O;;;

          *WHAM!!*

          Last anyone ever saw of the vacuum cleaner, it had burst through the front doors of the student residence and was heading off to explore uncharted lands & panty vending machines, the mamequin still being dragged behind it.
          Chibi-Chaos and Chibi-Beans laid in a heap on one of the couches.
          "Shimatta, there goes my pet," Chibi-Nightbreak sighed as he raced up beside them. "Oh well, I suppose it's just as well. Doesn't look like the wind god was housebroken." He glanced down at Chibi-Beans. "At least we managed to get Beans' body back."
          "And even though she's dead, she still manages to do me grievous physical injury," Chibi-Chaos warbled as he pulled himself out from beneath her.
          Regaining her senses, Chibi-Beans groaned and sat up. Naturally, Chibi-Chaos and Chibi-Nightbreak screamed and leapt back.
          "Beans, you're alive!" Chibi-Nightbreak cried, hugging her tightly.
          Chibi-Chaos scratched his head, somewhat confused. "So you were faking being dead the entire time, and made me carry you around? How lazy can an avatar get?! I really deserve the lake god after this."
          Chibi-Beans blinked a few times as her vision became less blurry, and the she realised who was in front of her. The chibi vein in her head began to throb. "So you're responsible for this mess, Chaos!" she shouted angrily. "I should have known!"
          "Okay, so there's maybe the slightest, miniscule, seemingly impossible chance that I turned your lake god into a big aquarium full of yoghurt," Chibi-Chaos said in his own defence. "But it was definitely the wind god in the vacuum that took you along for its tour of fanservice and nekkid flashes."
          This did nothing to help ease Chibi-Beans' growing agitation.
          "Where's the mamequin?" she demanded, hoisting Chibi-Chaos up by the collar of his shirt. "At least then I can prove that whatever you idiots did, I wasn't actually involved."
          Walking into the common room, Haruka diplomatically cleared her throat. "Ano...Beans? About that."
          "Last we saw, it was still attached to the vacuum," Michiru finished. "Regrettably, there's no physical proof save for our word that you weren't involved in all this."
          The look on Chibi-Beans' face in that moment was somewhere between the heights of disbelief, and the throes of being ready to strangle Chibi-Chaos on the spot. "You're going to pay for this, yes you are," she stated in a low, scary voice. "It's time for you to be punished, Chaos."
          Suddenly the Bakuretsu Hunter transformation theme music started up. Chibi-Beans gripped the shoulder of her 'Byte Me' sweater and then effortlessly tore it off her body like it was a mere cloak, revealing underneath a shrunken, black leather dominatrix outfit!

Chibi-Chaos: o.O;; "Oh no, she's gone Red Bean!"

Chibi-Nightbreak: [tilting his head] "You know, those fishnet stockings actually don't look half bad on her...."

Chibi-Chaos: "Are you insane, man? We have to run or we'll be calling her the bean goddess all night!"

Chibi-Nightbreak: "What's this 'we' thing? You were the only one whose contract listed you as cannon fodder."

Chibi-Chaos: "Oh. I'd forgotten about that. But I got a Puchuu out of the deal, so it's all good!"

Chibi-Red Bean: [cracking her whip on Chibi-Chaos' back!] "Call me the Bean goddess, you petty excuse for an avatar!"

Chibi-Chaos: o.O; "KYAAAAAAAAAA!! MAMEGAMI-SAMA MAMEGAMI-SAMA MAMEGAMI-SAMA MAMEGAMI-SAMA MAMEGAMI-SAMA!!!"

          As Chibi-Chaos was shrieking from her whip, Chibi-Red Bean turned her attention to Chibi-Nightbreak. "Just because you're not officially listed as cannon fodder doesn't mean you're automatically safe," she said with an evil 'Call me the Queen!' grin. "You're the reason the wind god's terrorized my dorm, buddy."
          That said, she produced a giant ball of yarn and stuffed it down Chibi-Nightbreak's pants. "Sic 'em!" she shouted, punting Chibi-Nightbreak down the dorm hallway.

          [Cue the Neko-Senshi pouncing on Chibi-Nightbreak!!]

Neko-Haruka: [with claws!] "ROWR!"

Neko-Usagi: ^^v "And it's got catnip on it too!"

Neko-Minako: [chasing her own tail] "Ooooh, yarn!!!"

Chibi-Nightbreak: "JO'O-SAMAAAAA!!!"


          *          *

          Club Anipike
          (Asaba's dancing is too sexy for this fic!)


          Lohengrope and Anarchy were sitting across from each other at a table, both reading the evening Anipike News Network paper after just having finished a fine dinner of medium-rare pepper stakes, and a bottle of 2033 Merlot.
          "Hm, Aho Heavy Industries is down again today," Lohengrope remarked. "Perhaps now is my chance to conquer it and make it a part of my Empire. That fool, Yang Wen-Li, really shouldn't have accepted becoming the new president after Chaos."
          Anarchy nodded.
          A Puchuu bear clamoured onto the tabletop, stood in front of Lohengrope...and then remembered the lack of response from earlier. Turning instead to Anarchy, in its cutest face ever it said, "Puchuu?"
          Instantly a pair of eyebeams exploded through Anarchy's newspaper, blowing Puchuu bear's head away and leaving behind a smoking decapitated body. Anarchy and Lohengrope lowered their papers, and glanced at the burnt, headless Puchuu.
          "Ghezunteit," they chorused.
          Elsewhere in the club, lounge lizard Nakago, clad in a rather gaudy plaid suit, was busy singing "Blue Eyes Blue" in a wondrously off-key baritone voice. Mihoshi could only shake her head as she stared at her significant other in abject horror. "That's not my husband," she finally managed to say.
          "Oh, he's just rehearsing," His lordship Chaos spoke up. "I'm working on this NakaGo Nagai Studios premise for an upcoming Fanboys! omakefic involving the Chaosfic: Lost Universe of the Four Gods. I need Nakago to do some karaoke for a crucial scene."
          "Which one?" Mihoshi dryly inquired. "The scene where you finally manage to destroy the minds of everyone reading your fic?"
          His lordship Chaos scratched his head. "Gee, I'm hoping to accomplish that a lot earlier on."
          Nakago sighed and walked off the stage. "I'm not getting paid enough for this," he lamented as he sat down next to Mihoshi.
          With the karaoke stage empty, Poemi seized her chance and the microphone. Much pain ensued on the audience's part, especially since Poemi didn't really wind up singing anything as much as she just ranted about "Kobayashi's going to become a great voice actress, Director!!" Suddenly Havoc crashed through the ceiling, sending Poemi into the floor. And there was much rejoicing.
          "Hotcha!" Havoc said, grabbing hold of the karaoke microphone. "This one goes out to all the ecchi fans who've written in their support for me during F9!'s plot."
          Suddenly the music for the Offspring's "Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)" started up.

Havoc: ^-^ And all the Senshi say I'm pretty fly

Senshi: --;; For a hentai.

Havoc: ^-^ You might have heard about that
                    Panty theft yesterday
                    This fanboy's pretty slick
                    And he's hard to keep at bay
                    He's got a one-track mind
                    It's sukebe all the way
                    But there's no better perv
                    Cause he's a master in foreplay!

                    Well don't you know?
                    He's the Hentenno
                    And when Rule 3's involved, he
                    Is always good to go
                    He's got bras to steal
                    And girls to feel
                    He sploots whipped cream
                    It's all whipped cream

                    The world needs an uberperv
                    Everybody loves this uberperv
                    For the glory of the uberperv,
                    Let's--hey! hey!--do that hentai thing!

Carnage: -.-;; [in the audience] "Gaav Flare."

          A few moments and many flying panties later, Leaf of "To Heart" fame was humming to herself as she swept the Cream Lemon off the floor of the karaoke stage.
          Elsewhere, NinNin was busy having a curious discussion with the Dirty Pair. "Now I know that many Anime characters have hair colour that's not a part of the natural scheme," he said. "How many real people have naturally turquoise, blue, orange or green hair, after all? But I've come to wonder if such strange colours are actually natural colours for Anime characters."
          He pointed to Kei and Yuri. "Look at your hair colours. Purple, and brown with a yellow streak. Now is that natural? I mean, be honest: do the carpets match the drapes?"
          He was immediately decapitated by a Bloody Card.
          "Well, this omakefic was a bust," Chibi-Nightbreak groaned as he limped his way through the front doors of the Anipike. "All that work and unwanted stress, and I lose a good pair of Lina Strauss jeans thanks to my own neko-Senshi!"
          "Gomen nasai," his entourage of neko-Senshi apologized as they came in behind him.
          "What about me?" Chibi-Chaos lamented as he hobbled into the club with a pair of crutches. "I was humiliated repeatedly, then punished by Beans for reclaiming my rightful property!"
          Chibi-Nightbreak blinked. "Um...how is that different from any of your other fics?"
          "This time she used stiletto shoes," Chibi-Chaos sniffled. "I'm going to need to float in a tank of liquid Bakelite if I want to recover from this one! I just want to call it an end and rest peacefully before anything else shows up to hurt me."

Hotaru: ^-^ [glomp!] "Chaos-chaaaaaaan!"

Chibi-Chaos: -.-;; "OW."

Chibi-Sean Gaffney: [stomping into the club] "Hey! What are you doing with my wife?!"

Chibi-Chaos: "What?"

Chibi-Sean: "Hotaru's my babe, okay?"

Chibi-Chaos: "Just where do you get off dissing me, Fedora-boy?! In my universe, Hotaru's my persistent girlfriend!"

Chibi-Sean: "Ha! In my universe, Hotaru's my loving wife!"

          [Cue Chibi-Xu, straight from an FF8 fanfic!!]

Xu: [with her sai] "Sean, my love...there had better be a good explanation for this."

Chibi-Sean: o.O [erk!]

A 26 year-old Hotaru: [strolling in] "Sean, darling, what's going on?"

Xu: [grrrr!] "'Sean, darling'?!"

Chibi-Sean: >.< "I hate having multiple avatar incarnations in this place."

Chibi-Nightbreak: [aside to the younger Hotaru] "This is what happens when multi-fic crossovers go awry."

          Hotaru scratched her head as she stared at the older version of herself. "Okay, I'm confused. What's going on?"
          "Well, Hotaru-chan," Chibi-Sean said. "You can either be a happy 26-year-old having regular sex with a husband and daughter who love you--"

Chibi-Chaos: o.O;; "She's having sex with her own daughter?!"

Chibi-Sean: [bapping Chibi-Chaos] "No, she has a daughter who loves her, and a husband she has regular sex with."

Chibi-Chaos: [scratching his head] "As opposed to irregular sex?"

Chibi-Havoc: ^^v "That would mean the foreplay involved fuzzy pink Hello Kitty handcuffs, a jar of Vaseline and a Bugrom."

Carnage: [sweatdrop!] "Didn't I just sploot you?"

Page 7
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