Chibi-Sean groaned at all the non-sequitur interruptions. "Okay, let me put it this way, Hotaru-chan: do you want to be a 12 year-old obsessed with making yourself jailbait for some sex-changing weirdo? As I said, it's up to you."
"Do you think I deliberately ASKED for that plot device?!" Chibi-Chaos retorted in exasperation.
"Hey, I'm sixteen almost seventeen now, I'll have you know," Hotaru said.
Chibi-Chaos sweatdropped. "You're not helping me here, Hotaru."
Upon hearing that, Hotaru playfully stuck her hand down Chibi-Chaos' pants.
Hotaru: ~.- [grope grope!] "How about now?"
"Does molesting a person when they're super-deformed count as pedophilia?" Xu asked Chibi-Beans.
Chibi-Beans could only shrug. "Don't know. Ask the redhead with the Shouta Complex."
Asahina: ^____^ [chasing after boy detective Conan!] "Come back, my adorable little bishie-in-the-making! I have such cute little underpants for you to wear, just like Nino-kun's!!"
"A cross-dressing, self-inserted yet cursed avatar with a Lolita complex," Chibi-Sean sighed, shaking his head. "Who writes this stuff? Even Ed Wood would keel over!"
Chibi-Chaos hmphed. "You're just jealous that I look cuter in a dress than you."
"I'm not here to debate that point," Chibi-Sean said.
"Oh yeah?!" Chibi-Chaos huffed. "Well...well...does anyone have a comeback to that I can use?"
Came the resounding reply from pretty much everyone around him: "No."
Chibi-Chaos frowned. "It's like living with a lynch mob."
Yet life in Club Anipike went on in spite of Chaos making an idiot of himself...again.
GALS leader Kotobuki Ran was busy beating the pants off Ginpachi at a game of ping-pong. Anime's incredibly kawaii Persocom, Chii, was busy dancing with a trio of Black Delmo girls from the AIKa OVAs. Miyu was sharing a bloody milkshake with Count Mosquiton. And the cast of Love Hina grabbed a quick lunch before heading out to do another fanfic.
"I just hope it's not *another* Keitaro/Shinobu lemon," Naru said.
Shinobu blushed and shrank down. "It's not like I ask otaku to get obsessed with me."
"What are the odds I'll get repeatedly clobbered again?" Keitaro sighed as he paused to slide on his prop glasses. "It's a wonder the fans haven't noticed all the foundation we have to use just to cover this 'Wu' mark on my forehead."
"Just who are you supposed to protect?" Tiara asked from the bar, currently on a break from a Shamanic Princess fanfic.
Xellos: ^^v "Sore wa...himitsu desu!"
Tiara: -.-;; "You're not in a Slayers fic, buddy. You can step out of character anytime you want."
Xellos: "Aw, but where's the fun in that?"
Just then Cowboy Bebop's resident hacker came bounding happily by, Ed's limbs as rubbery as a Gumbi doll. "Ed-u! Ed-u damo!" She grinned as she saw Keitaro. "My Wu-chan's off to get smacked around again! Ed wants mushrooms when you get back!"
All the Love Hina girls sweatdropped as Ed went happily skipping past them through the Anipike Studios entrance.
"Well, who saw that coming? Anyhoo, so like I was saying," His lordship Chaos continued, pausing momentarily to push his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. He reclined in his booth, grinning at the other authors with him. "I don't see what all the fuss is. Why is the Society of Prevention of Cruelty to Anime Mascots after me anyways? Mokona gave his life for a worthy cause. After all, these Mokona slippers I'm wearing tonight look very dapper indeed."
Mokona slippers: ^-^ "PUU!!"
His lordship Chaos abruptly kicked his slippers against the base of the table. Seated with him, Nightbreak and Greenbeans sweatdropped.
"Do you think we'll get slammed for that Mission: Impossible opener spoof in the first part of this omakefic?" Nightbreak asked.
"Mame: Improbably," Greenbeans stated. "Chaos tries to catch a clue and it runs him over instead." She started to laugh at the idea, but that slowly faded as she saw His lordship Chaos seriously consider it.
"You know, that's so crazy it might actually work!" he stated. "Thanks for the idea!"
Greenbeans promptly facevaulted right onto the tabletop.
"Well it's either that, or I make good on my threat to actually write an Ebichu/Hamtaro hentaific," His lordship Chaos said, shrugging nonchalantly. "I mean it works on so many levels. Ebichuman arrives to help Boss Ham and Bijou with their lemon scenes, and then gets in on the action. Hell, I could throw Richard Gere or Maa-kun in for a cameo--"
Out of nowhere, and mercifully enough for everyone within earshot, a giant pan-dimensional hammer came flying across the room and clobbered the author across the back of the head.
"Woah, that was a good one, Skuld," Urd remarked from her table. "Straight across the club, and it managed to completely miss Zero Enna too."
Warbled His lordship Chaos from somewhere inside the ruins of the table: "No one appreciates my fiendish genius."
"The only ones who would are evil hell beasts from the Shinma realm, and even then I think they'd cringe in terror at the prospect of being in a fic of yours," Greenbeans said acridly.
One of His lordship Chaos' eyebrows went up. "So you're saying that my idea for a Fanboys! omake called 'Dude, Where's My Akiocar?' is a bad one?"
"Ne, Chaos?" Nightbreak said somewhat nervously. "Let's change the subject; there seems to be a few very unpleasant spells being cast in our direction as we speak."
"Very well," His lordship Chaos conceded. "Amuse me, then."
Nightbreak grinned. "How about this? We convince Beans to lose her mind briefly and think 'If you can't smite them, join them.'"
The three authors turned their heads as they saw an SD Chaos race across the club, carrying an aquarium tank over his head.
Chibi-Chaos: ^-^ "I have Beans' lake god! It's all mine! Mwah ha ha ha hah!!!"
[Cue Chibi-Nightbreak running out after Chibi-Chaos, a vacuum cleaner hoisted over his head!]
Chibi-Nightbreak: ^-^ "I have Beans' wind god! It's all mine! HAHAHAHAHAH!!!"
[Cue Chibi-Beans running out after Chibi-Nightbreak, a potted plant hoisted over her head!]
Chibi-Beans: ^-^ "I have Beans' earth god! It's all mine! Bwah ha Hah--(o.O;;) Hey, wait a minute!"
His lordship Chaos nodded his approval. "I like, I like. As much as you two might want to profess your innocence, you're both becoming quite the pair of deranged authors."
Greenbeans smiled uneasily, while Nightbreak beamed.
"And remember," His lordship Chaos added with a playful wink. "Neither of you get a cent for this fic. The profits are all mine, I tell you! Mine!! MWAH HA HAH HA HAH HA!!!!"
Mokona slippers: ^-^ "PUU!"
His lordship Chaos sweatdropped, glancing warily down at his slippers. Moments later he decided to practice his acupuncture skills with one of the slippers.
"Just what exactly possessed you to write something like this anyways?" Greenbeans said. "Mame Goddesses is your brainchild... which doesn't say much about your combined IQs."
Nightbreak shrugged as he took another sip of his Captain Morrigan's Spiked Lime. "Sometime last month I found myself kidnapped, stuffed into a rather cramped Pokeball, then tossed into this guy's padded cell. Apparently, Chaos here had an idea for a fic and sent for me to help him co-write it."
Greenbeans sweatdropped. "And just Emailing Nightbreak about the fic wasn't an option because...?"
"Because that would have made too much sense, dammit!" His lordship Chaos proclaimed.
Suddenly Ceres, the celestial angel, raced into Club Anipike. "We've got a Code One emergency!!" she exclaimed.
"What is it? An Angel?" Misato demanded, suddenly tense.
Ceres winced. "Worse. The Chibi-Havoc tsunami just found Club Pluto."
Haruto: ;_; "OH MY GOD!!!!"
"But...how is that possible?" Misato exclaimed, dumbfounded. "Ever since Havoc first appeared, that multiverse hideaway for all the incarnations of Pluto has been our best-kept secret. There's no way Havoc could have discovered its existence!"
She abruptly paused, her eyes narrowing. "Unless...."
Everyone slowly turned to His lordship Chaos.
Sensing the sudden awkwardness in the room, he cleared his throat and tugged on his shirt collar. "Hoboy."
Misato: [growl!] "You...!!"
His lordship Chaos: "What are you looking at me for? Greenbeans was the one who sent me a copy of 'Trials and Errors'."
Greenbeans: [eep!] "Oh, so now you're trying to pin it on me?! Might I remind you that Gaffney over here conjured up the entire Club Pluto idea when he wrote 'Trials and Errors'."
Sean Gaffney: --;; "And that naturally means I'm the one to blame, huh? Well if you hadn't referred it to the crossplayer over there--"
His lordship Chaos: "Hey, cross-dressing is a fine tradition that dates back to Shakespeare, I'll have you know! Seventy percent of all bishounen have done it at least once in their series!"
Greenbeans: "And he says it like it's a good thing."
Jeff Hosmer: [timidly raising his hand] "Um...technically I was also co-author of--"
Nightbreak: [placing a restraining hand on Jeff's shoulder] "Believe me, this is not a fight you want to take credit in."
However, the angered denizens of the club were not about to be sidetracked by rapid dialogue modes, or the amusing sight of authors behaving like a bunch of six year-olds. Greenbeans, Sean Gaffney and His lordship Chaos soon found themselves swarmed by a rather unimpressed array of Anime characters-not to mention a number of survivors from the Club Pluto horror.
An obligatory, comedic retaliation later....
His lordship Cactuar: [sigh!] "All that work for this omakefic, and we authors wind up getting tossed into Jusenkyo. Ungrateful little Anime pawns, they are."
Greenboomer: "Well, at least you did okay. All you got stuck with was a Spring of Drowned Cactuar. Look at what happened to me!!"
His lordship Cactuar: "What? I think you look great like that. What's so bad about being stuck in a Spring of Drowned Sexaroid Boomer?"
Sean Gamera: "Yeah, you could have gotten tossed into Spring of Drowned Poemi instead."
Greenboomer: -.-;; "Hush, you! And why are you still wearing your fedora when you're over a hundred feet tall?!"
Pandemonium: [sweatdrop!] "This Jusenkyo sight gag gropes just a little too close. Wait a minute, that's not the sight gag that's groping me... (o.O;;) OTOKA-SAN!!!"
Havoc: ^^v "Hotcha! I know someone who wore crotchless panties for this fic!"
Pandemonium: [blush!!] "Otoka-saaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!!"
My sincerest thanks to Greenbeans, Nightbreak and Gaffney for supplying countless ideas big and small into this fic, and for letting their characters and fanfic series be subjected to my twisted little whims. Its good to know a little blackmail goes a long way! (hey, how else do you think I could have pulled a travesty like this off? ;p )
Many panties go out to Havoc for helping coming up with the "Puchuu-Ghezunteit" gag.
A "Wai wai wai!" moment for Servo, who conjured up "Dude, Where's My Akiocar", a wonderfully evil concept! Not to mention how the thought of Touga & Saionji discovering they've both got the word 'Bitch' tattooed on their backs actually works, frighteningly enough.
Special kudos goes out to avid Fanboys! fan Kojiro for his great Karaoke song in the omake! Of course, if he claims this blatant praise from me has caused his own ego to Digivolve, I'm afraid I will have to punt him straight into the latest alternate reality of the Abenobashi Shopping district.
What is Sexy Losers? Well, check out www.sexylosers.com and see all the fun you're missing! The "Fap", horny mothers, bukkake, and Mike's Left Hand!!
Wondering just what on earth Hotaru would see in a hack author like Sean Gaffney instead of a sophisticated avatar like Chaos? Not mention, where the Plutoverse originated? Check out Gaffney's two fics "Made of Stone" and "Trials and Error": www.thekeep.org/~sean/
And what's a Xu? And where does she fit into all these cameos?! And what does she also see in a hack like Sean?!?! Well, to understand that, check out Greenbeans' epic FF8 fanfic, "Sowing the SeeDs", at: www.centragarden.net
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