But lucky for them and lucky for us, the terrorist leader resumed to his normal speech patterns and ceased from sounding like a bad Sakura Taisen accent. "This is your terrorist speaking. Give us your fanboys, and you will not be harmed--though I cannot make the same claim for the fanboys."
Pesti: --;; "No, Chaos, NOW we're royally screwed. You just had to ask, didn't you?"
Chaos: "Well excuse me for not having read the script in advance!"
"What script?" Desolation asked, popping up behind them.
Both Chaos and Pesti-chan freaked upon the sudden appearance of the lost fanboy. Their terrified shrieks caught the attention of a HyperBoomer, but Chaos & Pesti-chan skillfully avoided detection by posing as scary-looking statues.
Once they were no longer being watched, the two ducked back behind the counter.
"We've got to do something," Pesti-chan said, priming a Rumblequake smite. "It looks like we're being blamed yet again for excessive and ridiculous property damage."
"But do what?" an SD Chaos squeaked, trying to keep his voice down. "Those Boomers outnumber us by twenty ChibiChibi's to one, and the Senshi are still being held hostage."
Pesti-chan scowled, trying to quickly think of a solution. "Odds are they followed us in before taking the Tokyo Tower over. So evidently their leader knows we're here."
"And?" Chaos pressed (but didn't dry clean, since Rampage had eaten his wallet a few hours earlier).
"If they followed us in, they know I'm here," Pesti-chan explained. "And they know you're here, Chaos. But there's one other fanboy they don't know about who *is* here."
Desolation: [with popcorn!] "Who's that?"
[Chaos & Pesti-chan slowly turn to Desolation.]
Desolation: [sweatdrop!] "I sense imminent pain."
Fairy Godbabbit: "Then can I have the rest of your popcorn?"
Desolation: --;; [handing the popcorn over] "I hope you like it buttered."
Fairy Godbabbit: ^^ "Arigato gozaimasu!"
"Ganbatte, Desolation! You're our only hope," Chaos said, suddenly shoving Desolation into a nearby air duct. "Find a way to disable the HyperBoomers and then take their leader down!"
"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" came the distant echoes of Desolation as he toppled SD head over SD heels down the ventilation system.
Fairy Godbabbit: [flying alongside Desolation] "Do you even know where you're going?"
Desolation: "Nope. Do you?"
Fairy Godbabbit: [consulting a map] "According to this, you're going to end up (o.O) Ummm...you ever hear the saying 'ignorance is bliss'?"
"Are you absolutely sure it's safe to put the fate of the fic in Desolation's hands?" Pesti-chan asked uneasily. "I mean, remember when he lost all his clothes--while he was still wearing them?"
The two avatars turned their heads as Desolation abruptly came crashing down through a ventilation duct in the ceiling. Hostages and HyperBoomers alike gawked at the twitching pile o' debris and fanboy. Lucky for Desolation though, an army of SD Pesti-chans nonchalantly raced out from their hiding place, flung him over their shoulders and
then made a mad dash back behind the counter.
And so a second attempt to let Desolation save the day was made. This time Chaos ensured Desolation got flung deeper into the air ducts by using a catapult.
"There we go," he said, dusting his hands off. "We're as good as rescued now."
Chaos turned around--and his eyes immediately ballooned out upon seeing a hapless Desolation stuck to the outside of the observatory windows.
Desolation: ;_; "It's rather nippy out here."
Fairy Godbabbit: ^-^ [with sign!] *Please don't feed the otaku*
"Maybe they'll mistake him for a window ornament," Pesti-chan offered.
A third attempt to get Desolation into the plot came to an abrupt end, however. Chaos and Pesti-chan leaned back as one of the HyperBoomers marched up to the counter.
Chaos: [clenching his jaw] "Pesti-chan?"
Pesti: [bracing himself] "Hai?"
Chaos: "Hold me!"
[A terrified SD Chaos flings himself into Pesti-chan's arms!]
Pesti: --;; [dropping Chaos onto the floor] "Twit."
"Chibi," the HyperBoomer said, gesturing to them with its arm cannon. Then it held up a sign that read *Lords Chaos and Pesti-chan: this way*
"Chaos-chan," Hotaru said quietly, trying to strain forward and grab his hand despite the distance and heavily-armed Boomers separating them.
"Kick their butts, Kamui!" Makoto shouted.
Pesti-chan winced. "And this happens to be the one time I leave my steel-toed boots at home."
Chaos nervously glanced at the elevator. "That way?" he asked, not really liking the possibility.
"Chibi," the HyperBoomer stated, holding up another sign: *Now.*
"Don't push the issue, Chaos," Pesti-chan muttered under his breath. "I don't exactly want them to start shaking their metallic booties at me."
Chaos looked up at the ChibiChibi HyperBoomer and laughed politely to humor it. "Aha haaaaa...if Haruka and Michiru find out I left Hotaru alone in a hostage crisis, I'm a dead avatar."
"We don't have a choice at the moment," Pesti-chan countered, waving cheerfully at the HyperBoomer with his middle finger. "Let's see what this guy wants first, and then we can kick his ass."
Chaos: --;; "Oh, with what? A cabbage?"
Pesti: [punting Chaos into the elevator] "Hush!"
* * *
TOKYO TOWER: GROUND LEVEL.
The AD Police had been dispatched as soon as the call of the Tokyo Tower's hostage situation had come in. Within a half hour of the first ChibiChibi HyperBoomer being spotted, squad cars, riot vans and roving choppers were surrounding the base of the tower. Sirens were blaring, lights were flashing, and blockades were being set up in every possible place. Crowds had gathered at the outer perimeters, staring up at the tower and taking pictures next to some of the police officers.
Near the front lines, one officer in particular was not enjoying the latest siege to grip Tokyo. "Shit," Leon swore, leaning against the side of his car. "The last thing this place needs is a Miriam copycat."
"Commanding officer on scene!" a sergeant ) barked, standing at attention.
Leon turned his head. "About time you showed up, Pandemonium. What took you?"
"Unexpected panty raid on the Yamato," she replied, marching (and jiggling. All hail the mighty Gainax bounce! ^^) up next to Leon. "Nova and Starsha abruptly found themselves debriefed. I had to file a report."
Leon: [eye roll!] "That elusive Hentenno is still going on strong, I see."
Pandemonium: --;; [sulking] "Otoka-san has no consideration for my hectic schedule."
Leon: "Hm? You say something?"
Pandemonium: ^^;; [I'm not related to Havoc...really!] "Nothing!"
"So what's the situation?" she asked.
Leon offered her a pair of binoculars, but she opted to use her own enhanced Sexaroid vision. Through the glass she could see a number of hulking Boomers roaming around and keeping a close eye on everything happening down below.
&nb; "We estimate about thirty HyperBoomers occupying the main observation deck," Leon reported. "They're spread evenly across the entire floor, which gives them the best vantage points of both the interior and exterior of the tower. That ain't so good."
Pandemonium raised one of her arms, watching her cannons pop out from the body casing. "I can take them. Give me a ten minute headstart-and I get to personally search the mastermind behind this."
"It's not that easy," Leon countered. "More bad news is, they've got hostages. A lot of them too, from the sounds of it--plus a number of Sailor Senshi. And they claim to have a device that can destroy the entire Tokyo Tower."
Pandemonium had her arm cannons retract. "Damn GENOM."
"Quincy's already contacted us and said he's not responsible," Leon said, consulting a fax transmission. "Apparently the Boomers in there are of the ChibiChibi class; GENOM terminated that project months ago when the first one began to shake its booty."
With a sigh that ensured her tightly-held bosoms gave a tremendous heave, Pandemonium turned to Leon. "So if it's not GENOM, then who is it?"
"Apparently he's from some organization called the...Mads?" He shrugged as he looked at the name again. "Some kind of fraternity of deranged scientists, maybe. I don't know."
Pandemonium ran her fingers through her orange hair. For this, she had cancelled a date with Largo? The twerp behind this would definitely feel the wrath of her naughty tentacles of justice.
"Should we call in Burn Up team Warrior?" Leon asked.
Pandemonium shook her head. "No way. I'm not letting those big-breasted bimbos get away with another nude bungee jump. After that, perverts everywhere started doing it. The entire thing became trendy. Do you have any idea how many reports I've had to fill out for car crashes caused by drivers who were blindsided by a nude, bungee-jumping otoka-san and his Benkyo Brigade?!"
Leon: [sweatdrop!] "Otoka-san?"
Pandemonium: o.O [erk!] "Um...I'll go strip search someone now."
Leon could only stare at her, a sweatdrop hovering next to his head. "Ano...."
Just then another officer raced up to them, gasping for air as he handed a cellular phone over to Leon. "It's him," he said. "The guy wants to make his demands."
Leon looked to Pandemonium; as the highest-ranking officer, she could take the phone if she wanted. But she seemed to engrossed with lamenting over how her workload was. That and shifting her chest so as to allow maximum Gainax bounce for the readers to envision.
[Fanboy's note: and you people claim not to be ecchi?]
Left to take the call, Leon remained silent for a few minutes as he listened. Shortly afterwards, the call was terminated. Leon put the phone down and looked directly to Pandemonium. "He's demanding that a select group of people must come and read some kind of a...fanfic?" He shrugged. "Well, whatever that is, these fanboys have to read it-or else he'll blow up the tower and kill all the hostages."
Pandemonium scowled. "So this is why I was called in," she murmured to herself. "It's an F! File after all."
With that, she began to make her way out of the police blockade.
"Hey!" Leon called after her. "Where are you going?!"
"To find us some fanboys, Leon," she stated.
Her naughty tentacles of justice were tingling to do some mandatory strip searches. But for now she'd have to comply with this Mad's demands. And once the opening presented itself, his body cavities were hers.
* * *
APARTMENT OF THE FANBOYS
Sarcasm found her ritual pampering unexpectedly interrupted. Sprawled out in a sunchair next to the jacuzzi in Dark Mayhem's library, the elfin avatar had been enjoying her daily tanning session and rubdown. SD Chic and SD Gorgeous were working on her nails, with Hayama fanning her from behind. Shinobu was busy with her rigorous back
"Ahhh...it's good to be an avatar," Sarcasm sighed. "Ne, Mo-chan, are you ready with my drink yet?"
"Hai," Mosquiton resignedly answered from behind the bar. He shuffled over to Sarcasm and presented her with her drink. And when she was ready to take her first sip, there was a knock at the door.
Demolition walked in moments later.
"Oh," Sarcasm remarked, suddenly not interested. "It's the dateless RPGer."
"Laugh it up, Elfgirl," Demolition r etorted. "But I've got a few people here who seem to have issues with you."
And with that, a number of teenage girls entered the library. Sarcasm lowered her sunglasses to peer at the group of female otaku...who were wearing purple wigs and small sunglasses.
"We are the Mosquiteers!" one of the girls piped up.
"And we demand you release Mosquiton the vampire from being your servant," a second one added.
"He belongs with the fans who truly appreciate him for what he is!" a third stated.
The entire group began loudly voicing their protests. Meanwhile, the beleaguered Mosquiton cringed and opted to hide behind Sarcasm's sunchair.
Sarcasm watched the female otaku with mild interest. "Gomen nasai," she said. "But he's contractually obligated to be my hapless valet. If you have problems with this, why don't you ke it up with our complaint department."
"And who do we complain to?" the Mosquiteer president inquired.
Sarcasm pointed to Demolition. "He'll take care of you."
Mosquiteer #1: [looking around] "Who?"
Mosquiteer #2: "What is she talking about? I don't see anyone."
Mosquiteer #3: [pointing to Demolition] "I think she means him."
Demolition: o.O "You can see me?"
Mosquiteer #3: "I'm the token lesbian. I'm just in this club because our president looks so cute."
Demolition: --;; "That hurt more than reading Chaos' MD PolterGeist Report fic."
[Cue the swarm of Mosquiteers protesting to Demolition!]
Mosquiteers: "Free our Mo-chan! Free our Mo-chan!"
Sarcasm: [bored yawn] "Demolition, if you please?"
Demolition: >) "My pleasure. MEGA BRAND!!!"
Outside in the living room, Dark Mayhem looked up from his Anime as the apartment shuddered from a sudden explosion. "Those repair bills are coming out of both your paychecks!" he called out to Sarcasm and
"Hai!" the two chorused. "But it was worth it!"
Dark Mayhem shook his head and went back to watching Anime. The jacuzzi had been booked by Sarcasm-hime for the next hour, but that was fine by him. Ami-chan seemed to be late in coming over anyways.
"However," he mulled to himself. "She seems to be later than usual. Wonder what dumbass lemures is keeping her busy this time?"
He turned away from the big-screen television as the door was kicked down, and the AD Police stormed in. Seconds later the AD Police were taken out by the security system Carnage had installed-namely sicing a berserk SD EVA unit on them.
Wisely having let the clueless (and conveniently expendable) AD Police schmucks go first, Pandemonium strolled into the apartment and neatly avoided the rampaging SD EVA 01.
"Ah, Pandemonium," Dark Mayhem said, gesturing for her to take a seat. "And to what do we owe the honour of yet another unnecessary strip search?"
"You and Carnage are required to come with me to the Tokyo Tower," she stated. "This is not a request. Any resistance can and will be used as a reason for me to frisk you."
Her naughty tentacles of justice were partially deployed to further her point.
Dark Mayhem lifted his hands in surrender. "As much as I've been hoping to get molested tonight, I think I'll wait for later when Ami-chan shows up." He tilted himself sideways, looking past Pandemonium's bosoms to the flailing AD Police. "Oh, just play like a decapitated Kaoru and he'll leave you alone."
Pandemonium briefly explained the situation: the ChibChibi HyperBoomers, the Senshi hostages, and the peculiar fic-reading demand.
"And that's why we need you," she concluded. "This guys says he already has Chaos and Pesti-chan. He wants you, Havoc and Carnage as well."
"What about me?" Demolition asked, focusing his chi and coincidentally revealing his topless status to all. "Surely these deltoids must be daunting for even the most sinister of Boomers!"
Pandemonium barely gave him a second glance. "The terrorists said they just wanted five fanboys. You're not one of them."
"But how can that be?!" he exclaiming, popping back up in his fantasy attire. "I know Slayers spells, I can use demon wards, and I have the Sword of Light! Why can't I help stop these guys? Don't they even consider me a threat?"
Demolition abruptly scowled.
"There's cute Anime babes involved, aren't there?" he said. "Damn my invisible boyfriend syndrome!"
"How about you come along and I give you a courtesy frisk at the tower," Pandemonium offered, a naughty tentacle of justice appearing from behind her.
Demolition: [sorting through demon wards in a corner] "I'll just stay here."
"So where's Carnage?" Pandemonium asked.
Demolition pointed to the front closet. "Nii-san's in the hangar again. He's busy with his Escafanboy mecha, and in a rather pissy mood too." He abruptly grinned. "Perfect time for you to interrupt him."
Dark Mayhem got up from the couch and stretched out his arms. "Give me a minute to change, and I'll do this Fic thing."
"Hai hai," Pandemonium agreed. "I'll grab Carnage in the meantime."
She walked into the closet, and what followed was a most interesting conversation to listen to:
Carnage: "Hey! What gives?"
Pandemonium: "Carnage, you'll have to come with me."
Carnage: --;; "Shimatta! I've already paid the fines for landing the Outlaw Star on the Tokyo Megadome, okay? Now could you please go stick your Double-D breasts in someone else's face? My mecha and I need to be alone right now."
Pandemonium: "You *ARE* coming with me, Carnage."
Carnage: "What the? Hey, what are you doing to my...(o.O) KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"
A short time later Carnage staggered out, appearing like he'd just watched the End of EVA movies all over again. He was pale, sweating, and had a look of utter shock and disbelief on his face.
"Dare I ask what Pan-chan did to get you mobile?" Dark Mayhem remarked, unable to suppress his amused smirk.
Carnage slowly turned to the uber exploder fanboy. "She...she just gave my Escafanboy a body cavity search. My poor mobile suit's been violated by a naughty tentacle of justice!"