"Um, better put her with the other hostages," Drakkar said, shivering as the uberkawaii aura filtered into the room.
Hysteria: ^-^ "See you soon, minna-chans!"
Fanboys: --;; "......"
Chaos: "They should just douse her with cold water to shut her up."
Dark Mayhem: "And just what the hell's that supposed to mean?"
Carnage: "Well she does have *your* Jusenkyo curse, Mayhem."
Dark Mayhem: [grrr!] "And just whose mechs did she remodify and repaint with polka dots last night?"
Carnage: "That proves nothing! And what about her Zoantropy thing this morning? There was fruit all over the ceiling!"
Pesti: "What are you doing pulling me into this? I'm not her dad!"
Chaos: "Well somebody here is! And I still say her bad fanfics are not a genetic thing from me!!"
Fanboys: "What about her fashion sense?"
Chaos: "Mere coincidence!"
Drakkar Noir: [irate demonic head mode!] "WOULD YOU GUYS CUT IT OUT?!"
"Now, I spent years thinking of how to exact my revenge," Drakkar Noir continued, settling back down and adjusting his hair. "Then I heard all about you guys. How you thwarted Forrester's attempt to resurrect Oscar, and then how you riffed that enormous Serena & Rini lemon. He was so certain that Joel, Tom and Crow would fold. But instead they switched places with you...and you survived! Imagine how jealous Dr. Forrester will be when I take over the world in one fell swoop, by giving you a hideous fanfic to break you completely! That'll teach him to not pick me as his loving lab assistant!"
Havoc: [skeptical] "And what's in it for me?"
Drakkar: o.O [blink blink!] "Um...you get a complimentary pair of panties after you read the fic?"
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! Count me in!"
[Cue the facevaults!]
Carnage shook his head at the whole situation. "You mean this entire fic is about a MST gang war? Okay, someone's getting their ass express-sent to Jurai. DRAGU--!"
But Drakkar quickly pulled out a small remote with a large red button labeled SMITE. "I wouldn't do that if I were you," he warned the fanboys. "I wasn't kidding when I said the Tokyo Tower was rigged with explosives. I push this button, and your Senshi--along with dozens of other hapless citizens--get blown sky high!"
Carnage gave his rebuttal in the form of a Beam cannon being leveled to Drakkar Noir's head. "And what would happen if I accidentally vaporized your detonator switch...along with you?"
"Chibi!" one of the HyperBoomer exclaimed.
Suddenly the music of Shake Your Booty echoed across the level, the Boomers launching into a bump & grind dance in rhythm to the beat.
Fanboys: o.O;;; "KYAAAAA!!!"
ChibiChibi HyperBoomers: [shake shake shake!] "Chibi!"
"Have we learned our lesson for today?" Drakkar inquired, a beautifully evil grin on his face. "You try any stunt to escape, and my Boomers will shake their booties. Think you can destroy them all before they reduce you or the hostages' brains to mush?"
Drakkar abruptly froze upon seeing all the fanboys nonchalantly standing around, completely ignorant of the cerebral-churning, Electric Boomerloo happening around them.
Fanboys: ^^ [singing with headphones on!] "He put da curse in the avatar, and screwed dem all up! He put da curse in the avatar, and screwed dem all up!"
Drakkar Noir: [irate villain mode!] "TAKE ME SERIOUSLY!!"
He smirked and began to chuckle to himself again. "Actually, there's another reason I picked you fanboys to be my test subjects for this MSTfic. I've been watching you for quite some time...and you're all just so damned cute when you're cursed!"
Pesti-chan groaned, massaging his temples. "Why do I suddenly have a bad feeling about the next bit of dialogue?"
"At least it explains the shorts you're wearing," Dark Mayhem said.
Drakkar Noir made a suave bishounen pose--which was somewhat nullified when a background canvas featuring tutu-clad cabbits was unveiled behind him. "You're all just so cute, I want to make you my fashion models. That way, I can see which outfits Forrest-chan looks most adorable in! And how do I accomplish this?"
Dark Mayhem: [indifferent] "Break our wills through bad lemonfics?"
[Drakkar Noir facevaults!]
Drakkar: ;_; "You just ruined all my dramatic tension!"
Carnage: [oh, the sarcasm!] "And that depresses me so much."
Dark Mayhem: "In fact, it's depressing all of us so much, we have to leave to gather our composure."
Pesti & Chaos: ^-^ "Ja ne!"
Havoc: "Onwards to Planet Hentai, where we can be raiders of the lost panties!"
Fanboys: [chasing after Havoc] "SHUT UP!!"
Completely exasperated with his test subjects, Drakkar Noir activated the pan-dimensional theatre entrance. Chaos, Dark Mayhem, Pesti-chan, Carnage and Havoc slowly turned to watch a large set of theatre doors open up behind them.
Ominous fog rolled across the hallway and clung low to the floor, though the scary music was drowned out by the loud humming of the dry ice machine.
"Get ready for a freshly-squeezed lemonfic, served with bountiful helpings of Syrup of Ipecac!" Drakkar proclaimed. "You may have survived Rini's Special Moment With Serena, but nothing can prepare you for this!
Forrest-chan will be mine!!"
Abruptly red lights began flashing all around the fanboys, loud klaxons going off across the speaker system.
"We've got lemon signs," Dark Mayhem announced.
Carnage promptly pulled out a Castor and blew the flashing lights away. "Had lemon signs," he corrected.
"Had a ceiling too," Pesti-chan added with a lamenting sigh. "So much for that last paycheck we'd get in this century."
[Cue the obligatory door sequence!]
Door #6: A hatch swings open and you step in...only to realize too late that you're in the chamber for the Samurai Pizza Cats' delivery cannon. After being shot across the city, you unceremoniously belly-flop into Sylia Stingray's private pool. She's not too impressed.
Door #5: It's a garage door. Upon locating the remote, you wait for it to slowly retract. Moments later you're run down by a car. You then try to sue the maniacal driver, Eudial, in front of Judge Judy.
Door #4: You come to a closed toilet stall. After asking Hanako-chan to come out and play, an alluring female voice answers: "Hai hai." The stall door opens and you walk inside...pausing momentarily to pry Havoc off Toilet Hanako.
Door #3: A black curtain parts, and you walk onto the set of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, immediately seizing control of the hot-seat. However, upon seeing Regis replaced with special guest host Kathie Lee (who interrupts the game show to babble incessantly about Cody...yet again), you scream and flee in terror.
Door #2: Your first option, much akin to one of the puzzles in a Resident Evil game, is for you t ‡o find the 12 gemstones of Power and arrange them properly around the face of a clock (and this is after you've found the gold medallion hidden in the base of a statue-by pulling a series of levers in the right successive order to stop the fountain from spouting water) so you can have the large iron doors open and permit you to go further.
Or, go for Option 2: Carnage Satellite Strikes the door...after cheerfully gunning down all the zombies first. Either way, you're gonna be at this door for a while. Tama-ecchi, anyone?
Door #1: It's the porthole door to a washing machine. After squeezing in and being subjected to the rinse cycle, you're allowed to proceed--albeit covered in suds.
Door #7: a small hatch pops open, and you step into the theatre.
Chaos: [sitting down] "Did someone remember to bring the Hard Lemonade this time?"
Havoc: ^-^ "I brought my Creamy Ale."
Pesti: [with Hard Lemonade] "Ah, yes! When the Mads give you lemons, make Hard Lemonade."
Dark Mayhem: "So you can get drunk and pass out before the fic begins?"
Pesti: [chugging the bottle's contents] "Hai!"
Carnage: "What about anuts? I demand complimentary peanuts! And pickles! Bring me pickles!"
[Cue the hentaific!]
> Hotaru and me.
Havoc: ^-^ "And Hentenno makes three!"
Carnage: "The Hentenno's about to make a big hole in the earth!"
Dark Mayhem: "No, Carnage, *you're* the one making the big hole in the earth."
Carnage: "Do I care? DIL BRAND!!!"
Chaos: --;; [covered in debris] "Well, this fic's off to a good start."
> By Mike "shiro daimon" Fuller.
Chaos: "Lord 'call me the Dragqueen' Chaos!"
Dark Mayhem: "Dark 'I'm just so damned sexy' Mayhem!"
Pesti: "So, if this guy's a daimon, think he'll scream "lovely!!" if we smite him?"
Carnage: [priming his Galaxy Gun] "Oh, I don't think he'll even have the chance to scream."
> A story of love and romance.
Dark Mayhem: "But since it's an avatar writing this, the whole concept becomes an oxymoron unto itself."
Pesti: "Well, what do you know? This will be fiction after all!"
> -OK fellows,
Pesti: "Dick Saucer sings Barn-Up OK!"
[Cue the dancing Mink-chan!]
Fanboys: ^-^ [singing!] "Tomato wa dame! Watashi no mono! Tako wa ageru! Mitame ga kirai!"
[Fanboy's Note: the translation for that is, "Not the tomato, it's mine. Take my octopus; I hate the way it looks." ^-^ I love Dragon Half!]
>this is my first SM story,
Havoc: "You notice how if you put one little ampersand to SM you get S&M?"
Chaos: o.O "JO'O-SAMAAAAAAAA!!!!"
Pesti: [looking at Chaos] "Wow, that's some grip he's got on the armrests."
>but it's my third story for 18+ people,
Havoc: "I don't think we can finish reading this fic. It's for 18+ people, and our group only numbers 5."
Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "You *can't* be that stupid, can you?"
Carnage: "Can't I destroy the lemon before we leave?"
Dark Mayhem: "No."
Carnage: [kawaii Bambi eyes!] "Pleeeeease?"
>so if you're younger than that,
Havoc: ^^ "Evidently this warning didn't bother you, and you snuck in anways!"
>close this window now!
Dark Mayhem: "Lest you suffer from a drafty fanfic."
Havoc: ^-^ "I work my own drafts, thank you very much! Hotcha! Panties panties panties!"
>(It's an order from someone who knows what's the best for you...
Pesti: "Ah, not even three lines into the disclaimer, and we've already got delusions of grandeur cropping up."
Dark Mayhem: [shaking his head] "Yare yare."
Carnage: "Can he order us to destroy it next?"
Havoc: "Simon says, 'Panties!'"
Chaos: [???] "What do panties have to do with this?!"
Havoc: ^^ "Other than those silken treasures being in my hot little hands?"
Dark Mayhem: "Where did you get those from, anyways?"
Havoc: "I got Sae Sawanoguchi to change her Magical Hop-step into a Magical Hop-strip!"
[Cue the facevaults!]
Pesti: "Therefore I Yam...head."
Dark Mayhem: "Debatable she even thinks. Just like Chaos."
Chaos: ^-^ "Hai! It's debatable that I--HEY!"
Carnage: "Well it's not like your Outlaw Starblazers impressed anyone."
Dark Mayhem: "The only impression that fic made was the one created by Chaos' beta reader, who flung himself off a cliff after reading it."
> Also I have to say some of that stuff about Kodansha, Toei,
Dark Mayhem: "See DiC."
Pesti: "See DiC pick up Sailor Moon."
Chaos: "See DiC splice it.
Havoc: "See DiC badly dub it."
Carnage: "See DiC get flamed for it."
Fanboys: "Don't be a DiC."
>and Naoko T
Carnage: [ahem!] "It's T for Takeuchi."
Pesti: "Is she related to Mr. T?"
Dark Mayhem: [as Mr. T] "I pity the poor fool who messes with her Senshi!"
Chaos: --;; "Don't remind me. I still have a mallet welt on my back thanks to her last psychotic episode."
>(it's like a tradition to say something about them at the
>beginning of all the stories, I guess):
Carnage: "They're called disclaimers, lest someone's lawyers get a little suit-happy."
Dark Mayhem: "I enjoy Armani myself."
Chaos: ^-^ "I prefer skirts."
Pesti: "We noticed, Chaos."
Havoc: ^-^ "I prefer--!"
Fanboys: "We DON'T want to know, Havoc."
>they are the owners of the names and characters of the whole
>SailorMoon stuff, also it's their fault
Carnage: [grrr!] "The hell you say?!"
Chaos: "You dare blame Naoko-sama for that? Thou hast invoked her mallet o' Mass Destruction!"
>of making these character so damn pretty that I felt in love
Chaos & Carnage: o.O "......"
Dark Mayhem: "Dammit, he's got us there."
Pesti: [groan!] "Hello, author avatar's hentaific. Goodbye, digestive tract."
Carnage: [shredding his armrests!] "WHAT?!"
Chaos: "That eyebrow twitch of his can't be good."
Dark Mayhem: "Methinks I'll just duck out of the theatre and avoid the Buster Bomb."
> Her name was Hotaru Tomoe.
Dark Mayhem: "At least, that's what it said on her nametag."
Pesti: "Yet she was with the witness relocation program at the time, and disappeared before this fic could go any further."
Carnage: [appraising his shirt] "Hmm...my nametag just says 'Hello, my name is Satan'."
Chaos: "Another present from the Tokyo rezoning board?"
Carnage: "Apparently so. (^-^) How thoughtful of them!"
> She was the most lovely girl I could ever know,
Dark Mayhem: "She's probably the only girl this guy will ever know."
Carnage: [wistful sigh!] "Hotaru-sama, beautiful mistress of global Mass Destruction."
Pesti: --;; "I don't think I'll ever understand you, Carnage."
>she was so sweet and innocent,
Havoc: "And yet here she is starring in a lemon. Hotcha!"
Dark Mayhem: "Well she *was* sweet and innocent."
Carnage: [putting Chaos in a headlock] "Not that meeting Little Miss Dragqueen over here helped."
>she was kind and also very pretty.
Chaos: --;; "She wasn't very kind to me in Valentinefic 2."
Dark Mayhem: "But Chaos, she used a tickle whip."
Chaos: [grrr!] "Hush, Uber Exploder Newt-boy!"
> I meet Hotaru when I was 21 years old, and she was 19,
Pesti: "I meet bad grammar when I was writing too."
Chaos: "Hey, why for you make fun of way him speak?"
>it happened on a day I will never forget,
Dark Mayhem: "I know a hypnotist who can remedy that."
Carnage: "I have a Gundam that can remedy that."
Chaos: [raising his hand] "I vote we go with the Gundam."
Pesti: [as Mike Fuller] "Yeah, it was last Tuesday...I think...maybe. Or it could have been Friday. Yeah, Friday sounds right! Now what did I do that Friday...or was it a Monday?"
>never until I die.
Pesti: "Don't worry; with Saturn's can opener o' death, that can easily be arranged!"
Fanboys: [singing] "Suicide is painless!"