>          She gasped, and I took it like a "yes",

Carnage: "He may have taken it like a "yes" but will he take his punishment like a man?"
Pesti: --;; "I don't think I can take any more of this fic."

>I went over her head as our bodies matched up perfectly,

Pesti: "Hotaru's still confused about how that computer dating service ever classified them as compatible."
Dark Mayhem: "Sex is like a jigsaw puzzle: one misplaced piece will seriously screw things up."

>gasped again when I started to come in

Pesti: "Avon calling!"
Chaos: "Jehovah's Witness!"
Dark Mayhem: "Land Shark!"
Chaos: "Somebody slam the front door shut!"

>and she moaned when I started to move my hips back and forth,

Chaos: [dancing around the theatre] "Come on, baby! Do the locomotion!"
[Cue the Galaxy Express 999 train running down Chaos!]
Pesti: "Well, you did have that one coming, Chaos."
Carnage: "That'll teach him to sing Kylie Minogue songs in public."

>then she started to move too.

Carnage: "She moved alright--away from him."
Dark Mayhem: [slowly backing away] "Okay, everybody back away from the mecha freak. He's got that twitch again...."

>          She started to move with frenzy as she moaned and gasped
>louder and louder,

Pesti: "She sounds like those Clown bikers from the Akira soundtrack, doesn't she?"
Carnage: "Nah, their make-up is more akin to Chaos' style."
Chaos: --;; [scraping himself off the 999's cowsweeper] "Laugh it up, Dragu Dork."

>I was gasping too as our bodies soaked with sweat.

Dark Mayhem: "This fic's guest cameo: Richard Simmons, in sweating to the lemons!"
Carnage: [as Fuller] "I was sweating from asphyxiation. She, from the exertion of strangling me."

>          We started to taste our faces,

Chaos: "They're cannibals!"
Havoc: [as Hentenno Lector] "I ate her out with whipped cream and Jello...she was delicious."
[Havoc makes slurping sounds]
Fanboys: >.<
Carnage: "Eat this, Havoc: GAAV FLARE!!!"
Pesti: [aside to Dark Mayhem] "Do you think Carnage learned the alphabet by screaming out the names of his spells?"
Dark Mayhem: "Carnage, spell 'Puppy'."
Carnage: [pausing & thinking hard] "D...R...A...G...U--"
Dark Mayhem: "The prosecution rests."

>loving each other as most as we could,

Carnage: [aside to Dark Mayhem] "See? Told you she was faking it."

>as she whispered to me: "I love you", she said,

Chaos: "He's not only being redundant, but repetitive as well."
Pesti: "Then he's in good company with you."
Chaos: ^-^ "Domo! (o.O) Waaaait a minute!"

>I said: "I love you too", and we kissed again.

Dark Mayhem: [as James Woods] "We sing, we dance, we kiss, we schmooze, we all leave happy. Whaddaya say?"
Pesti: [monotone] "Wow. Such exciting dialogue makes me so ecstatic."
Havoc: "Baka virgin; he still hasn't realized he's necking with the cactus."

>          We kept moving our hips and caressing us as we whispered
>each other,

Havoc: [as Hotaru] "Each other."
Dark Mayhem: [as Fuller] "Each other."
Havoc: [???] "Na ni? That wasn't sexy at all! So why were they whispering that?"
Pesti: [throws Havoc a pair of panties] "Oh, just give it up, Havoc."

>gasped and moaned as we felt our orgasm building up.

Chaos: "It's like a game of Jenga."
Havoc: ^-^ [singing] "You take a bra from the bottom and you put it on top, you take a bra from the middle and you put it on top!"

>Then it happened, as it have to happen some day.

Chaos: "A cow fell from the sky and smited him for no apparent reason, followed by a horde of living bras that chased him right into the barrel of the Nadesico's Transpositional cannon, which fired him off right into Red Queen Kasumi's bondage act at the Planet Hentai where he was whipped and screamed "Jo'o-sama!!!" before escaping only to discover that somewhere along the way a carnivorous SD Godzilla-thingy for a mascot has eaten his pants?"
Fanboys: [sweatdrop!] "......"
Chaos: "What? That doesn't happen every day to you guys too?"

> I told her that I couldn't hold it by more time,

Havoc: [as Scotty] "I cannot hold it any longer, Cap'n! She's gonna blow if we keep this up!"
Carnage: "Time to blow you *away*, Havoc: DAM BRASS!!!"

>she just said: "keep on! I just can feel it coming..."

Chaos: [urp!] "I just can feel my last meal going...going...!"
Pesti: o.O "Kyaaaaa! The barfbag, Chaos! Use the barfbag!"

>she gasped hardly

Dark Mayhem: "This fic making you gasp?"
Carnage: [hmph!] "Hardly."

>and arched back, I kept holding it until she felt back in the

Carnage: [evil grin] "Felt back, found her icepick and perforated this little bastard, right?"
Chaos: [raising his hand] "Valium to seat number six, please."
Pesti: [with a fork] "You ain't gonna make a canoe outta me!"

>she just has came up and I did so.

Dark Mayhem: [urp!] "That's not all that just has came up. So much for the dim sum."

>She was really tired after that and the white linen sheets

Pesti: "What the? Those sheets were silken at the start of this!"
Havoc: "This is what happens when you do scene changes and forget the continuity. I detest amateurs."

>of her bed were now wet...

Chaos: [as Fuller] "Aw, I just *knew* I should have used the rubber sheets. Sorry about that, Hotaru."

>and spotted with some blood from her hymen.

Carnage: [grrrrr!] "Must...resist...urge...to...destroy...aw, what the hell. DRAGU SLAVE!!!!"
Chaos: --;; "Carnage, why do you keep blowing us up like this? You know they make these theatres out of Gundamium."

>          I stopped moving by last time.

Carnage: [as Hotaru] "Well, about time! I thought that cyanide would never kick in!"

>          We where laying in her bed until she sat and whispered -"Jesssus, now that
>was good..."-

Carnage: [throwing up his hands] "Oh, great! Now Jesus is in the bed with them too!"
Dark Mayhem: "How much more sacrilegious can one fic get?"

>I just turned into her direction and said -"you like it, didn't
>          -"How couldn't I do, moron?"- she kissed me.

Chaos: [eyebrow twitch!] "NA NI?!"
Pesti: [floundering in his seat] "Ack! Dictionary! Dictionary!"
Dark Mayhem: "Here we go with the Hillbilly Chinese grammarians again. Has any avatar out there EVER graduated from fourth grade English?"

>          -"I'll always love you, you know?"-

Dark Mayhem: "Hey, it's a dubbed Chichiri impression."
Carnage: [pulling out his Zanba sword] "Hush, no da."

>          -"I know, and I'm happy because of it."-

Chaos: -"What's with these hyphen things around their dialogue?"-
Dark Mayhem: -"Targeting system."-
Carnage: ^-^ "Oh, you noticed?"

>          Then we went to sleep, we hugged each other for a long time
>before she felt asleep,

Chaos: "Unfortunately asleep didn't like being felt up, and promptly charged her with harassment. And that just left Shampoo and Fuller...and Ryoga...and the alligator...and Thing...and the yaoi boxers...and Jesus too."
Pesti: "What happened to Jesus One?"
Dark Mayhem: [shaking his head] "I can hear Jerry Falwell's ranting from here."

>I touched her head and caressed her beautiful black-as-night

Carnage: "Sugoi! She goes into Mistress 9 mode and bisects him with her glaive! Kick his ass, Hotaru-sama! Or even better, let me kick it!!"
Chaos: [looking around the theatre] "Does anyone want to trade seats?"
Fanboys: "No."

>          -"Today had been her first time"- I thought

Carnage: "Tonight was a first for me too!"
Pesti: "How so?"
Dark Mayhem: "First time retching, first time sending our heads through the seatbacks...."
Havoc: "First time with a Chinese Amazon? Feh...newbies. Shampoo couldn't be any easier if you turned her on with a light switch."
Carnage: "That's Pandemonium you're talking about."
Havoc: "You don't want to know where I put her On switch, Carnage."
Carnage: --;; "Oh, I bet I could guess."

>-"and I gave it to her"-

Pesti: "And she didn't send it back for a refund?"
Havoc: "I bet Hotaru's not impressed that someone beat Chaos to her."
Chaos: [sweatdrop!] "So...Hotaru's mad at me?"

          [In the distance, we see a Silence Glaive Surprise take down a

Hotaru: [evil Mistress 9 mode!] "CHAOS!!!"

          [Back in the theatre....]

Dark Mayhem: "I'd say that's a big 'Yes'."
Chaos: o.O;; "Kowai!!"

>          just how I always wanted to do,

Pesti: [singing] "I want to defy the logic of your sex laws!"
Chaos: "Not to mention every law of English grammar."

>I was peaceful by now.

Dark Mayhem: "Yes, when he's an animal, he truly is an animal. No Senshi or properly-structured sentence is safe from being ravaged by the likes of him."
Carnage: "I can't guarantee he'll rest in peace. But I can promise he'll rest in itty bitty pieces."

>          We slept all the night together,

Pesti: "Such excitement! Such suspense!"
Dark Mayhem: "What will happen next?"
Chaos: "How will they handle the morning after?"
Carnage: [getting up] "Who the hell cares?! I'm leaving."

>like we both always wished, just as we always hoped it to
>happen, we were peaceful and happy now, our lives would never be
>the same,

Chaos: "A new sentence anytime here would be great."
Pesti: "Commas 2: they're not just out for run-on sentences anymore."

>we loved each other as anything else in the world...
>          anything else in the world...
>          anything else in the world...

Chaos: "Aw dammit! The fanfic's skipping like a broken record."
Dark Mayhem: [as Fuller] "I just knew I shouldn't have put this thing on 8-track."

>          -------THE END--------

Pesti: [standing ovation!] "Best part of this entire lemon!"

>      &sp;   OK buddies,

Carnage: [eyebrow twitch!] "What did you call me?!"
Chaos: "Ano...I think it was a friendly term, Carnage."
Carnage: [oversized demonic head mode!] "EXACTLY!!!"

>I hope you enjoyed my very first Sailor Moon story,

Fanboys: [blink blink!] "Ano...."
Pesti: "What is he implying by 'first'?"
Havoc: "Well, there are another eight Senshi to violate after Hotaru."
Chaos: "What about Chibiusa?"
Havoc: [scowls] "As much as I hate to admit it, not even Fuller deserves that."
Carnage: "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I hope you beat Fuller to the other Senshi, Havoc."
Havoc: ^-^ "Too late."
Fanboys: o.O "WHAT?!"
Carnage: [walking away in disgust] "Why do I even bother?"

>if you wanna give me a help with ideas

Chaos: "Such as leaving the Italian accents to Marlon Brando?"
Pesti: -"Stop having all those hyphens around your sentences?"-
Dark Mayhem: "Learn English grammar!"
Havoc: "Leave me to handle Hotaru and Shampoo."
Carnage: [in the Heavyarms Custom Gundam] "Leave Hotaru-sama out of it, end of discussion. Unlike my Zeorymer, my threats are not idle."
Chaos: "But up to this point, your Escafanboy's been an Idle Project, ne?"
Carnage: ^^ [pointing to Chaos] "Fireball."
Chaos: o.O "Kyaaaa!!"

>(my head is empty

Dark Mayhem: ^-^ [chuckling] "No argument here."
Carnage: "But I'll bet it's detachable. Let's find out."

>as I ended this story) just write me e-mails into any of my
>                    shiro_usagi@hotmail.com (my official address).
>                    mike_fuller@fcmail.com.

Pesti: "Yo, Carnage, is that viral Angel ready yet?"
Carnage: "Give me a moment; it's still working on Windows 95."
Chaos: "So...fic's over?"
Dark Mayhem: "Fic's over."
Chaos: "Oh...now what?"
Havoc: ^-^ "Dojifest!"
[Cue the facevaults!]

          Dark Mayhem had them disengage from the rapid dialogue mode. "Well, that was surprisingly easy," he remarked, stretching out his arms as he got up to leave. "And Drakkar expected a lemon with Hotaru and an SI avatar to break us?"
          Chaos glanced uneasily over to Carnage, who was currently using a Labor mecha to slice & dice various rows of theatre seats. "Break us, no. Piss us off, definitely."
          "Who cares?" Pesti-chan said, heading for the doors. "We're done. Now let's get out of--"
          He froze, eyes bugging out as the doors refused to open. Pesti-chan gave another yank on the handles, but to no avail. The crowbar proved useless. And while it nicely scorched everyone in the theatre, the Dragu Slave had no effect.
          "We're trapped!" Pesti-chan exclaimed, cracking apart into his 6 SD versions as he was struck by a wave of panic.
          Carnage scowled as he studied the Dragu-resistant doors. "If the Drakkar Dork thinks he can pull a fast one on an Overlord of Mass Destruction, he's got a transpositional cannon up his ass to contend with first."
          And with that, he pulled out a Beam Sabre and began smacking it against the doors. However, it only sent sparks flying in every direction. SD Pesti #4 caught on fire immediately, and spent the greater part of the next few minutes a frantic li'l fireball, as his associates tried to chase after him with a pan-dimensional firehose.
          "This can't be good," Chaos groaned, collapsing into a seat as he started to fan himself. "I'm claustrophobic!"
          "At least you're not brastrophobic!" Havoc piped up, dropping in from above to crashland on Chaos' head. "Hotcha! Glorious silken treasures! And all for Havoc!"
          Dark Mayhem glanced over Carnage, who was still busy hammering away at the doors with the Beam Sabre, and then looked to Havoc. "Think you can go liquid hentai and pick the locks?"
          "Oh, so soh-ree," boomed the mangled pseudo-English of Drakkar Noir over the speaker system. "That's not going to work. You're not leaving the theatre just yet, my kawaii fanboys."
          "And just why is that?" Dark Mayhem inquired. "Don't tell me you guys already closed the concession stand?"
          "Did I forget to mention it?" Drakkar Noir's voice replied. "This is a trilogy of bad SM lemons, each one even worse than the last! You've got another two brain-boggling hentaifics to go!"
          At the risk of stating the obvious, the fanboys promptly freaked. "NA NI?!" they exclaimed.

Drakkar: ^^ "Enjoy the other two lemons...if you survive that long. You'll be my pretty-boy fashion models all too quickly, and then I shall rule the world--and Forrest-chan too. Bwah hah ha ha!!"

Hysteria: "Oooh! Yaoi-chan! Yaoi-chan!"

Drakkar: o.O "What the? Hey, what are you doing in the broadcast booth? Get away from the equipment!"

Hysteria: "But Hysteria wants to know what this kawaii little button-chan does."

Drakkar: "Not that button! Don't push that--!"

   &nbsp;      [Transmission abruptly terminated. Cue the eyecatch?]


His lordship Chaos and the Hentenno would like to thank Mayhem, Pesti-chan and Sarcasm-hime for their helpful contributions and scathing retorts in this MSTfic.

The Curse of the Fanboys! series, and all its related characters (including Drakkar), disorders, smites and situations are all the property of the deranged and sadistic ego of one His lordship Chaos. (hislordshipchaos@hotmail.com) Should you choose to abuse them without me present, I shall be forced to wantonly unleash upon you the terrifying monstrosity that is Red Queen Chibiusa. Hermaphrodites shall be sent Red Queen "Shake Your Booty" ChibiChibi Hyperboomers.

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of Best Brains Inc., all rights reserved, ipso facto, carpe diem, offer void where prohibited and so forth.

"Hotaru and me" belongs to Mike 'shiro daimon' Fuller. And I'm sure that, in time, Shampoo wilforgive him for interrupting her tryst with Hotaru. Actually...no, she wouldn't do that. I'll go make the funeral arrangements.

Havoc: ^^ "Hotcha! Complete with the 21-bra salute!"

Chaos: [???] "You'd do that for Fuller?"

Havoc: "Who said it was for him? The Hentenno demands fanservice, so the Hentenno will get fanservice!"

          [Cue the facevault!]

Any random mention of certain Anime characters, songs titles, and such are the property of their respective owners, distributors, creators, dog groomers, pool cleaners, and anyone else who wants to get mentioned here. Then again...I'm not really sure anyone would want to have their names associated with this. Either way, I win! HA HA!!!

Part 2