MSTaken identity?


          [Cue the author!]

His lordship Chaos: ^^ "Greetings! His lordship Chaos here, welcoming all you hapless victims--er, I mean valued readers, to MSTfic 3. Today I personally will be giving you a guided tour through the obligatory intro. bit, and tell you a little about this latest written venture."

          [His lordship Chaos abruptly walks onto a bowling lane. He nods to Anarchy and Tasuki, who are busy saucing it up in between frames.]

Tasuki: ^^ [his face ain't red from embarrassment!] "Hey, leather fetish guy!"

His lordship Chaos ^^ "Hey, fang-boy!"

Tasuki: [blink blink!] "Was I just dissed?"

Anarchy: "Shut up and hand me another crate of Sake. This one's drier than Mayhem's jacuzzi after his faulty dating chromosome and Ami go skinny-dipping in it."

          [Taking a bowling ball in her hands, Anarchy turns and reveals an evil grin as she focuses all her attention on the bowling pins...which are all Kodama.]

Anarchy: >) "Let's see how cute those little white chatterboxes look *after* I've flattened them."

His lordship Chaos: "We'll leave those two to their practice session before tomorrow's tournament against San and Prince Ashitaka. Now then, onwards to the MSTfic. The most interesting aspect about MSTfic 3 is that we never really planned on it happening."

          [As His lordship Chaos strolls in front of another bowling lane, we see Pai the Triclops having accidentally mistaken Yakumo's severed head for a bowling ball.]

Yakumo's head: o.O [rolling along] "Kyaaa-aaaa-aaaa-aaaa-aaa--!!"

          *CRASH!*

Pai: ^-^ "Wai! Pai knocked down those Kodama pins!"

Yakumo's decapitated body: [stumbling around] "......"

His lordship Chaos: [anyhoo....] "You see, the Hentenno and myself wondered just how we could possibly top the never-ending nudist fromage that was 'Rini & Serena's Special Moment.' Unexpectedly, a self-inserted lemon with Hotaru and an avatar got dropped into our laps."

          [Taking a bowling ball for himself, our illustrious and yet soon-to-be certifiably committed author lines up his aim and lets loose.]

His lordship Chaos: "Already I had been wanting to do a Die Hard scenario with the fanboys, and this gave me the perfect opportunity. It's not the quintessential MST3K per se, but it certainly has the Fanboys! edge to it. At the very least this makes it undeniably different from the typical one-man-and-two-bots riffing you normally read of."

          [His lordship Chaos' bowling ball effortlessly knocks down all the hapless Kodama!]

His lordship Chaos: "Yeah! Got 'em! So you see, Fuller's lemon was something I simply could not pass up on, and the result is the unique yet ingenious MSTfic 3; so many riffs and so little lines. I really am just so damn cool!"

Jolt: [stomping into the bowling alley!] "Hey! That was supposed to be MY lemon to riff!"

His lordship Chaos: "And your point is?"

Jolt: "When I mentioned I had that Fuller lemon in my possession over ICQ, you smacked me in the head with a wifflebat and made off with it!"

His lordship Chaos: ^-^ "Hai!"

Jolt: [grrrr!] "This MST theft is unforgivable! Prepare yourself for--!"

His lordship Chaos: [pointing over Jolt's shoulder] "Ne, isn't that Makoto stripping down in lane four?"

Jolt: [turning around] "Really? Where?!"

His lordship Chaos: >)

          [His lordship Chaos unceremoniously dumps a bucket o' cold water on Jolt!]

Jolt-chan: [irate female MSTier mode] "WHY YOU LITTLE...!!!!"

His lordship Chaos: ^-^ [bounding off into the sunset] "Woh hoo hooooo!!!"

Pesti: [eyebrow twitch!] "And he's supposed to our illustrious author and inspiring role model?"

Dark Mayhem: "Well, it does nicely explain our series."

Demolition: "Who needs to be deemed certifiably insane? Legal status has nothing on our reality."

Chaos: --;; [pouting with the kawaii kitty ears] "I simply refuse to believe that I am HIS incarnation. I look ten times cuter in a dress than that guy ever could!"

Carnage: [sweatdrop] "You go, girl."

Chaos: ^-^ "Hai! I--WHAT?!"

Dark Mayhem: "Well, you are a girl half the time, Chaos. And the other half of the time, you just dress like one."

Havoc: "Hotcha! And speaking of women's clothing, check out these panties I got from the Idol Dimension!"

Fanboys: o.O [recoiling in terror] "MASAKA!!"

Pesti: [???] "What?"

Chaos: [panicky twitch!] "Pesti-chan, the Idol Dimension consists of a planet populated entirely by nubile babes resembling the idol goddess, Yuri-sama."

Pesti: o.O "You don't mean?!"

Demolition: [shaking his head] "An entire world of cute babes who'll ignore me. Damn invisible boyfriend syndrome."

Carnage: --;; "Not that, you dateless chowderhead! It means Havoc now has a planet-sized panty collection!"

Havoc: ^-^ "More than that, we now have the next evolution of hentai: the Dojiverse!!"

          [Cue the facevaults!]

Dark Mayhem: [picking up a bowling ball & knocking down some Kodama] "Ah, the life of a self-inserted avatar. Anarchy, care to toss me a bottle of Sake?"

          [Anarchy tosses Dark Mayhem a bottle!]

Dark Mayhem: --;; "Preferably a bottle of Sake you haven't drained yet?"

Jolt-chan: [still chasing the author] "GET BACK HERE!!"

His lordship Chaos: ^^ [boing boing boing!] "I love my job."


          [Since this intro. bit is going nowehere, cue the MSTfic!]




          Fanboy's Note: yes, MSTfic 3 returns! And it can only mean one thing: Largo's Leather Emporium is having a sale, and Sarcasm's purchased pretty much all of its leashes and collars for her bishounen. As usual, I would give many thanks to the Hentenno for all his great help in riffing this lemon...but he's a little pre-occupied with the Dojiverse right now, so I'll just tell him later. Ja!



TURN THE LIGHTS OUT
BUT REMEMBER: CLAP ON, CLAP OFF!



Lords Chaos & Havoc present
In dissociation with Mystery Science Theatre 3000
A cursed MST production



MSTFIC 3: RIFF HARD WITH A VENGEANCE!!!

Part II: Sailormoon MST-interpretations





          Earth.
          You are here...somewhere.
          No, a little more to your left...there you go.


          In the beginning, there was the Satellite of Love.
          And it was good.
          Then the Satellite of Love begat the Satellite of Strictly-Platonic-Love and the Satellite of Let's-Just-Be-Friends. But then the Satellite of Strictly-Platonic-Love was bought by Havoc to carry his newest channel, featuring 24 hour Anime babe Jello wrestling. And the Satellite of Let's-Just-Be-Friends was accidentally run over by the orbiting (and far more gargantuan) Girls University Satellite of the battle athletes.
          What does this have to do with the MSTfic?
          I haven't the slightest idea.
          ^-^ But I made it sound pretty eloquent, ne?
          Anyhoo, Earth was rather quiet. And then a quiet noise was heard, almost like a tiny incessant buzzing. Only as it drew closer could it be identified as the Wing Gundam plummeting towards the ground as it burned up on re-entry. Completely missing Marlemeiya's underground fortress, the Wing Gundam managed to pull itself out of its death spiral...and then decided to do a colourful cartwheel across the countryside. Cows scattered like rice at a wedding, trees were struck down like rows of Kodama bowling pins, and the property damage reached excessively ridiculous levels that rivaled what insurance agencies in Tokyo had now termed: "Acts of Carnage."

          [Fanboy's note: this is why you will never see mobile suit gymnastics as an official Olympic sport. On the other hand, they seem to be considering Saiyan ballroom dancing, so who knows?]

          After the dust settled, revealing the Wing Gundam's cute little metal legs sticking straight up from a large crater in the earth, a hatch popped open. Moments later, one human and two robots stumbled out.
          "That's the last time I let you work the steering wheel, Crow!" Joel stated, carrying Tom in his arms.
          Crow rolled his eyes. "You try piloting a mecha on stickshift, and see how hot you do."
          "That's not the point," Joel countered. "We finally got off the Satellite of Love, and you crashed the stupid mobile suit. Blind luck Tom managed to find the parking brake, and stop the mecha inches before it would have hit the ground."
          "I don't see what all the fuss is," Tom piped up. "You're just irate because you got whiplash when the airbags were deployed."
          Crow nodded as he made his way off the Gundam. "After all, we finally made it to Earth. We're home free!"
          Joel could only groan as he appraised the battered body of the Gundam. Numerous armour plates were torn off--if they weren't already scuffed up; one arm was missing and presumed to have fallen onto some beach in Acapulco; and the head had popped off, and was now happily bobbing in the air atop an oversized spring coil. "Hiiro's going to kill me for scratching the paint job," Joel sighed.
          "Not as much as he'll want to kill you if he and the other pilots survive that Gundam Wing yaoific we suckered them into reading," Tom said.
          Crow simply laughed, popping another Mantos (the Mints of Fate) into his beak. "Well it's their own fault for mistaking us as valet parking attendants. So now that we've escaped, where do we want to go?"
          "Disneyland?" Joel ventured.
          The two bots just gave their creator deadpan stares.
          But lucky for them and lucky for a plot that was swiftly dying from boredom, they happened upon a large house not too far from their crash site. It was getting dark outside, and so the three MSTiers opted to see if they could pillage their new neighbors for a cup of sugar and about sixteen barrels of gasoline (unleaded, naturally) for the Gundam.
          "Are you absolutely sure about this?" Tom asked as Joel rang the doorbell. "I've seen Psycho, and this is exactly how Norman Bates would be reincarnated in a bad sequel...or remake."
          "Come on," Joel said. "If we survived Artemis' Lover, then this is nothing by comparison. It's not like the door's going to open and Dr. Forrester will be on the other side."
          Just then the front door opened with a loud creak, only to reveal--!

Joel & bots: o.O "Frank?"

          "Ah, you're in luck tonight," TV's Frank said in a monotone voice. "The Mads are having one of their affairs. Do come in, and join the party."
          Crow slowly turned to Joel. "Boy, can you call these things or what?"
          The three of them ventured inside after Frank, taking a long look at their new surroundings. The first real thing to tell them that something was not quite right with this scene was the large "Welcome Mad Scientists!" banner hanging high over their heads.
          "Say, I wonder if we can get away with stealing some of the silverware," Crow remarked.
          "Forget the forks," Tom said. "I want to start a foodfight. Dibs on catapulting the caviar!"
          Joel whistled as they walked into a grand ballroom. He stared up at the enormous netting of balloons suspended high over their heads. "Think we can do that brawl scene at the start of the Temple of Doom?"
          It was strange for them to be so nonchalant, especially since they had gone out of the frying pan and into the fire hydrant. But our epic heroes decided to make the best of it, and see what the Mads were really like when no one was listening to them rant.
          Various megalomaniacs (but we prefer to call them autocratically-deprived) were milling around, sipping punch and making small talk abouttheir latest inventions that would surely allow them to rule the world. Some were slow dancing in the middle of the ballroom.
          The MSTiers immediately scattered in different directions. Crow adeptly showcased his lack of juggling skills with three chainsaws, two Teletubbies and a yodeling Furbie. Tom quickly set up an MST3K merchandise stand, and began scamming eager would-be overlords into buying exorbitantly-priced items like MST3K: the sock puppet. Meanwhile, Joel tried to hit on a cute babe...until he discovered she hadn't always been a she.
          "Curse that gender blender!" he warbled, staggering over to the punchbowl to dunk his head.
          Abruptly, the entire room went silent, and all the ranks of Mads stepped back. A pathway was cleared to an adjacent hallway, and there in the shadows stood the host of this event. Dr. Forrester appeared, dressed up in black leather & buckles. He turned his head and gave a signal to Frank the D.J.
          The music for Micheal Jackson's "Bad" started up.

Dr. Forrester:                     Your ego's big
                                        Well mine is too
                                        Don't laugh at me
                                        Or I'll brainwash you
                                        My plot is grand
                                        Better grovel right
                                        Cause I'll rule the world
                                        After tonight.

                                        Some guys take over countries
                                        Well ain't that just absurd?
                                        Before this night is over
                                        We're gonna rule your world

                                        Because we're Mads!
                                        We're Mads
                                        Come on!
                                        You know we're Mads
                                        We're Mads
                                        Ya know it.
                                        And I get coffee breaks at ten o'clock sharp
                                        So let me tell you once again
                                        Who's Mad?

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