The Obligatory Ad Bit!!!

        [Cue an SD Hysteria!]

Hysteria-chan: ^-^ "Ohayo, minna-chans! The kawaii little bills to repay kawaii little Tokyo City-chan have been getting so drastic lately that we've been forced to engage in kawaii advertizing. So here we oh >so kawaiily go, ne? Ne? Ne?"

        [Cue the commercial!]

        There she is.
        Aino Minako.
        Sailor Venus, messenger of love and justice, a young woman with long and beautiful, silky blonde hair. And a supple, athletic body to die for. She's laying down upon an arabesque couch in a silken negligee.
        It's taut against her skin, covering little. You can easily trace a finger down the curves of her body without touching the white folds of her negligee. A faint breeze from the open window rustles the light fabric, causing her to shiver slightly.
        The red bow is still in her hair.
        It catches the rays of a multitude of candles scattered across the room. Aside from the liquid moonlight pouring in from the open window, the flames from these candles are the only source of light. The reflections of the fire dances across her creamy alabaster skin.
        Minako moans quietly to herself, leisurely stretching out her arms over her head as she lays upon a bed of black silk covers. White to black contrasts accent each supple feature of her body as she slides her legs against each other beneath the covers.
        If you try hard enough you might get a peek at her panties. She's lying on her side, propped up on one hand. With her other hand, she dips her fingers into a bowl of cherries beside her on the bed. They glisten in the many candlelights.
        Her tongue twirling around the ripened red fruit, she delicately sucks on a cherry before taking it in between her teeth and tugging it from the stem. A moan escapes her lips as she feasts upon its juices.
        She eats a few more languorously, teasing and taunting each piece individually. At last Minako has finished, her almost insatiable appetite satisfied...for now. The lingering taste of the cherries remains on her tongue, a stray bit of juice dribbling down from the corners of her lips.
        A coy smile about her, Minako reaches up and slowly wipes the >juice away with a finger. Then she takes the finger in her mouth, suckling upon the tip until the cherry juice is gone.
        Gently she rolls onto her back, and stretches out with a contented smile on her face.

Minako: [sigh!] "Mmmm, I can't believe it's not hentai...."

She rolls onto her side and then produces a bottle for all to see.

Minako: ^_- [killer smile] "Spray!"



Part II: I Dream of Beanie

        [Fanboy's Note: I'm out of my mind right now, but please feel free to leave a message....]

Havoc, Charon Ryo, Carrot & Happosai: ^-^ [singing] "We all perv in the Lemon Submarine! The Lemon Submarine! The Lemon Submarine!"

Pesti: --;; "Refresh my memory; just why did we wind up tagging along with them."

Dark Mayhem: "Well we would have gone to see the wreckage of the Yamato in that Blue Submarine No. 6...had Carnage here not overloaded its capacitors and blown it apart."

Carnage: "But putting the Thor's Hammer from the Iserlohn Fortress on it seemed like a good idea at the time!"

Pesti: "Desolation didn't seem to think so."

Chaos: "I've never seen a big-ass beam like that do a 180 to hit...well, anything."

Carnage: "Hush!"

        Yes, there they were: the fanboys all stuck in a cramped submarine with the Planet Hentai's "Benkyo Brigade". Cruising at a depth of 2500 feet (all of which had to be thrown out of the submarine to lighten its load), Havoc's very own XX Harigata was on a covert mission to track down undersea panties, going for a deep throat--er, deep sea rendezvous with the Cha Cha Maru.
        "Up Pantiscope!" Havoc stated.
        Carrot Glaces immediately bounded off of Chaos' head to get to the Pantiscope. He raised the telescopic apparatus, turning it back and forth. "I don't see anything," he groaned. "Nothing! No babes in sight at all!"
        "Well, Elysse's panties are out there somewhere!" Ryo Saeba said from his place at the sonar. "The Mokkori sensors are going crazy."
        First Perv Charon turned to their fearless captain. "Do you think they spotted us, Havoc?"
        "Possibly," Havoc mused. "Oh that Tita's being a very naughty captain. We'll have to spank her once we find her." He abruptly paused, glancing curiously at Carnage--who was now busy banging his head against the nearest piece of metal he could find.
        "Carnage, could you please not damage the brallast tanks?" Havoc said. "You blow the cups and we'll never be able to get back to the surface."
        "That's not all that's been blown by this scene," Pesti-chan muttered to himself. "Of all the times not to be with my Mako-chan."
        "*YOUR* Mako-chan?!" Chaos exclaimed, squished against one of the consoles. "I'm telling you she's *my* Mako-chan! And the second Mayhem gets his elbow out of my kidneys--"
        Dark Mayhem growled. "Well if you hadn't dropped a cow in here, we wouldn't be in this mess."

Cow: o.O [blink blink!] "Moo?"

        "Hush, uber exploder Newt-boy!" Chaos snapped. "Or else I'll smack you silly with my herring!"
        "There's no room for you to use a herring, thanks to that damned cow of yours!" Pesti-chan retorted. "And just what the hell are you doing grazing on my shoelaces?!"

Cow: "Moo?"

        "Panties at eleven o'clock!" Carrot Glaces exclaimed suddenly, starting to drool. "The Cha Cha Maru's practically in front of us!"
        "Get the Torpervo tube ready!" Havoc ordered, putting on a set of aviator goggles.
        Carnage started to smile. "You mean this thing has weaponry? Yes! This submarine might have a redeeming value...yet...Torpervo tubes?"
        Happosai and Charon pushed through the rest of the fanboys and cow, stopping at a large tube built into the walls of the sub. They unlocked the hatch and flipped it open.
        "Tube open!" Happosai shouted. "Havoc, you ready?"

Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! Good to grope!!"

        Havoc bounded into the tube, the hatch being closed behind him. "We're locked!" Charon said.
        Ryo stuck up his hand to give the V-sign. "Torpervo aimed and ready. Let's make a Mokkori cocktail!"
        "Target in range," Carrot said, still tracking the Cha Cha Maru with the Perviscope. "Flood the tubes with Cream Lemon!"
        "Hai!" Charon replied.
        Abruptly Carrot's eyes bugged out. "N-NA NI?!" he exclaimed. "They've launched a Pulse Net at us!"
Fanboys: o.O "WHAT?!"

        Happosai frantically raced towards another console, appraising the readout. "We've been detected! The Cha Cha Maru's on the offensive and turning towards us! Ten seconds until impact!"
        Dark Mayhem crawled over the cow, looking at another monitor. "They're preparing a series of depth charges, locking onto the Harigata."
        Charon's eyes ballooned out. "But the Cream Lemon detonation at this depth would have so much pressure, we'd be crushed!"

Chaos: [teary kitty-eared mode!] "Waaaah! I don't wanna die in a puddle of undersea whipped cream! Hold me, Pesti-chan!"

Pesti: "That's the cow, you moron!"

Cow: [sweatdrop!] "Moo?"

        "That's it!" Carnage snapped, using Chaos' face as a springboard to vault across the submarine's bridge. "I sure as hell am not gonna die on a hentai submarine in the shape of an oversized....(--;;) Well, I'd never live it down with the Gundam Wing gang!"
        Seizing control of the helm, Carnage fastened his seatbelt. "You guys might want to buckle up!"
        He immediately yanked hard left, the Harigata throwing itself into an underwater barrel roll. The Pulse Net exploded but narrowly missed them. The submarine shuddered as the shockwaves rolled through the water.
        "Careful, you dumbass!" Dark Mayhem snapped as he braced himself against a panel. "This isn't a Gundam, Carnage!"
        "Mecha, mobile suit, submarine; they're all the same," Carnage retorted, pulling the Harigata up to a higher depth. "They all run on unleaded!"
        "Jo'oooooo-samaaaaaaaa!!!" a terrified SD Chaos shrieked as he bounced around the floor, ceiling and walls of the submarine. Seconds later he ricocheted into Pesti-chan, who exploded into his 6 SD versions.
        "What the hell is this?!" Carrot snapped, ducking an SD Pesti- chan--only to get smacked in the face by an SD Chaos. "A panty pinball machine?"
        Carnage growled, throwing the Harigata into a nosedive, increasing its speed. Piping and circuitry sparked, Jello and whipped cream spurting from the damaged consoles.
        "The ship can't take much more of this, Carnage!" Charon exclaimed. "We've got flooding in the forward Jello storage compartments!"
        "It's either her or us," Carnage replied. "Ryo, seal off hatches 33-D, 34-C, 69 and all of section 3. That should keep the water out of >the essential areas."
        "Hai!" Ryo answered.
        The sub shuddered as a depth charge pearly took out its starboard rudder. Ryo glanced back, and yelped as the unsecured cow went flying and crashed on top of him.
        Carnage's eyes narrowed as Happosai announced, "Cha Cha Maru in range!"
Carnage: "Fire, damn you!!!"

        "Hai!" Charon said, slamming his fist onto the Torpervo launch button. There was a loud sound of watery suction, followed by an echo of something pervertedly spurting out from the Harigata.
Havoc: ^-^ [burbling] "Hooootchaaaa!!!"

        [Fanboy's Note: to get the proper sound effect, bibble your lips as you speak Havoc's line. Then again, maybe you don't want to bother....]

        Meanwhile, on the ocean's surface, all was quiet.
        Steadily rowing across the water in his li'l rowboat, the SS Diversion, the lost fanboy Desolation sighed to himself. "It's so quiet, it frightens me," he remarked. "Just like how quiet it was at the hall of mirrors...right before Recca flambéed me with his fireball, and Tokiya nearly cleaved me in half with his Ensui water sword."
        It was then that Desolation noticed a strange shadow had overtaken the ocean, and now he was in the middle of a darkened sky. Looking up, Desolation's eyes bugged out as he saw that he was directly below the castle in the sky, Laputa.
        "Sugoi!" he exclaimed, pulling out his trusty tourist book, 'A Hitchhiker's Guide to Anime'. "Ano...according to Studio Ghibli, the legendary floating castle of Laputa, built around an enormous tree, holds untold treasures and wealth. Lina Inverse would love this place."
        He closed the book and pulled out his trusty camera to start taking pictures to send along with his postcard. The other fanboys would no doubt love to hear about this!
        Zooming in with the camera, Desolation then noticed something rather peculiar. "Curious," he remarked absently, taking another photo. "Laputa's not just floating, but it's splintering apart too...."
        Suddenly a loud splash! came from his left as a very large piece of rock dropped from above and crashed into the water. Desolation felt his stomach do a slow roll and a dip to the left. "A-Ano ne...."

        [The angle for reading this scene abruptly pans back.]

Desolation: "Hey, where are you going? (o.O) Oh no! The only time the author ever does a pull-back shot is when--!!"

        [Cue the collapse of Laputa!]

        Desolation frantically tried to swat the enormous falling debris with his oars, while at the same time rowing the SS Diversion out from beneath Laputa's shadow. However this proved useless when a crashing boulder took out the back end of his rowboat.
        Shrapnel and debris from Laputa were coming down in torrents, the ocean punctured all over the place as the rocks smashed into the water.
Now reverted into terrified SD mode, Desolation clung to the front of his boat as it slowly sank into the ocean.

Desolation: ;_; "KYAAAAAAAAAA!!! Somebody save me!!!"

        [Cue Gaghiel, the 6th angel, suddenly coming up from beneath

Gaghiel: *CHOMP!!*

* * *

        "And just what the [beep!] [beep!] was that?!" you might be frantically exclaiming right about now. 4 pages of Fanboys! that had absolutely nothing to do with the story at hand (which is indeed far better than two hentaifics in the bush)?
        You've just now joined the many who have tried this "Virtual Anime Mindfuck" program, which lets you see what it's like to try and make sense of such brain-bashing shows as End of Evangelion, Perfect Blue and Lain!
        Now then, just to reassure you with the comfort that the authors really have gone crazy in writing this Omakefic, let us return to the apartment of the fanboys, where Chaos was busy getting ready for a good night's sleep.

        [Fanboy's Note: ne, has any of you readers out there noticed Chaos acting a little...strange lately? Maybe I've been smiting the poor guy one too many times...NAH!]

        'Chaos' stared at him--er, herself in the mirror.
        "Much better," he--er, she remarked, appraising his female version. "At least now this body-switching thing won't seem so strange."
        Abruptly there was a knock on the door.
        "Beans, it's Pesti-chan. I'm coming in."
        "Hai!" Chaos called out.
        Pesti-chan opened up the door, pausing for a moment to look at Chaos. "Ah, I see we opted to keep the female mode tonight. Wise choice, considering all that's happened. You can sleep in tomorrow, by >the way; it's early Sunday morning here in our world."
        "Good," Chaos replied. "You know, this is the first time I've ever been grateful for Chaos' icky Starlight transsexual transformation disorder."
        "You'd be the first of any of us to enjoy it--Havoc
notwithstanding, of course." Pesti-chan said.
        Flopping down on the bed, Chaos started up at the enormous Sailor Senshi poster tacked onto the ceiling. "Ne, Pesti-chan...when did Chaos have a picture of Hotaru in his room?"
        That caught Pesti-chan by surprise, and he tilted his head to appraise the poster. "Strange. Last I saw, that was an oversized Kino Makoto poster. If we contact Chaos tomorrow, he'll probably deny ever having this here."
        "I'm Hotaru tomorrow, am I?" Chaos asked uneasily.
        "I checked with Anarchy, and she said tomorrow's a blank schedule for you. With you in Chaos' body, odds are you'd only impress Hotaru to no end. Haruka alone would be terrified by that notion."
        Chaos laughed in spite of the situation. "Yare yare."
        Pesti-chan leaned against the closet door. "I must confess I don't know how you could find this so amusing."
        "It's not the first time this has happened to me," Chaos explained. "A College Life omake featured the same thing happening between myself and Michiru. But even still; of all you guys, why'd I have to switch with him?"
        "Under other circumstances, I'd call it an author's conspiracy," Pesti-chan remarked.
        Chaos looked at herself in the mirror, copping a quick feel on her breasts. "Hmph! That liar. I'm bigger than he is after all."
        "It shouldn't be that bad for you," Pesti-chan said, trying to be optimistic. "You just might redeem Chaos' character here. On the other hand, I fear to think of what he's doing in your series."
        Chaos froze, eyes widening as his--er, her hair stood on end. The kana for "Tasukete!!" scrolled in behind the fanboy before bouncing off a dresser and nearly whacking Chaos in the head. Fortunately Chaos had the presence of mind to duck in time.
        "Gomen nasai," Pesti-chan apologized. "You'll have to get used to the floating kana. Apparently a bunch of kanji got loose last month and caused a twelve-car pile up down by Sunshine 60. Of course...that still didn't stop Carnage from driving over all the cars in his tank."
        Giving a much-needed stretch to his arms and shoulders, Chaos sighed and walked over to the closet to get something to sleep in. Chaos' eyes bugged out as he--er, she slowly lifted up a "baby doll" nightie, imported straight from the Victoria's Senshi catalogue.
        "And he *always* sleeps in this?" Chaos asked.
        "Hotcha!" Havoc-chan exclaimed, appearing in behind Chaos and groping his--er, her bosoms. "That cutie's from page 44 of the Victoria Senshi catalogue! Chaos has good taste when it comes to nighties for me to boost!"
        "FREAK!" Chaos snarled, pulling out a cow and then swinging it around, catapulting Havoc-chan through the ceiling. He grinned. "I could get to like this part of his life."
        Pesti-chan cleared his throat. "Just to let you know, Chaos wears the nightie when he decides to be female for the night. When he's male..."
        The fanboy held out a black lace teddy. "...he wears this."
        Chaos promptly facevaulted.

Chaos: [itai!] "This really hurts."

On to Page 2
Back to Fanfics