* * *
With another exasperated groan, Carnage clicked on the mouse to
open up an ICQ message. Quickly writing down a few words, he sent it
How certain are you that we can get Yggdrasil
to delete our wish?
A few minutes later, the reply came back:
A sweatdrop appeared next to Carnage's head. "You're not helping
me here." He began to type away another message, muttering it out loud
to himself. "'Any suggestions'?"
None come to mind.
Carnage blinked. "Couldn't you at least [beep!]ing guess?!" he
exclaimed, typing a wonderfully censored response onto the keyboard.
"You'd think NERV's supercomputers would be able to tell me
something...No, I don't want to download a game of EVA Pong,
Confusion as to make-up of Yggdrasil
computer system. Cannot comply. Gomen!
"You had better not be coming down with that 11th Angel virus
again," Carnage said, very unimpressed. "Come on, you guys owe me a favour after I debugged your Windows 98 program. All I want to know is
how the hell do I rescind a wish sent into the Yggdrasil system?"
Ummm...would you like to know how to
get to Sesame Street?
Carnage shook his head. "Magi. I think they've gone senile since
the End of Evangelion." Abruptly he smiled. "But those li'l dancing SD
EVAs & Angels I downloaded from NERV's website are just too cute to
"I take it no luck," Dark Mayhem inquired, leaning over Carnage's
The mecha otaku shook his head. "The Magi were our best bet. So
far, none of Anime's sentient computer systems have been of any help.
Even the Puppet Master was stumped."
Dark Mayhem slapped Carnage's shoulder. "Take a break and have
something to drink. You can try again later."
Carnage winced as he retired from the computer and flopped down
on one of the couches. "Gundammit! Mayhem, I can't find anything on our
networking system! There is no way to rescind a Yggdrasil wish once
it's been granted."
He scowled, his head leaning over the armrest. "I could have
spent last night waxing my Zeorymer, but noooo! All because two stupid
avatars couldn't shut their--"
Seconds later, he was crushed by a cow.
"Hush, you mecha otaku," Chaos retorted. "Might I remind you that
it's Chaos' fault I'm like this." He glanced over at the cow.
Cow: [blink blink!] "Moo?"
Chaos: [shaking his head] "Of all the fics I had to go walking
"Ne, what's with your grimacing?" Pesti-chan asked.
Carnage gave him an unimpressed stare. "You stay up all night in
front of a computer, and see how hot your shoulders feel. I am as stiff
as hell right now."
"Then let me massage them for you!" two young ladies chorused.
Carnage had just enough time to revert into a panicky SD mode before
Miyu and Rei each grabbed a leg and dragged the hapless fanboy off into
his hangar bay.
Not looking where they were going, the two started running at high
speed. Both Miyu and Rei wound up completely ignoring the support
pillar in the centre of the living room as they ran on either side of
it. Carnage didn't.
Carnage: o.O;;;;; [twitch twitch!]
Dark Mayhem and Pesti-chan both winced, crossing their legs as
the now Soprano-singing Carnage was removed from the pillar and then
dragged into his hangar bay for a bedroom.
"Methinks he won't pilot using that little joystick anytime
soon," Dark Mayhem remarked.
Pesti-chan promptly clocked him in the side of the head with a
cabbage for that statement. Chaos didn't hear the argument though, a
little too preoccupied with the noises coming from the other side of
the closet door.
Miyu: "I'm the one giving him the body rub treatment, Rei. I've spent
centuries perfecting the technique."
Rei: [eyebrow twitch!] "At least I'm the cute and innocent one. Who
knows what you've massaged in the past hundred years!"
Miyu: [glare!] "To the dark with you, fuku-girl."
Rei: [Oh yeah?!] "You and what army?"
[Cue the vicious pyro fight scene!]
Carnage: --;; "Would either of you mind not shooting your fireballs
around the Physalis' thermonuclear weapon, please?"
Pesti-chan shook his head as he looked at the gouge marks in the
hardwood floor, courtesy of Carnage's fingers. "Aiya. Well, so much for
our paychecks in the year 2040." He looked over his shoulder, only to
see Larva still hovering there. "Not about to follow the vampire
princess into that kinda fight?"
Larva nodded. Larva then glanced over at Havoc, who was busy
"feeding" his Tama-ecchi. Abruptly Larva removed his mask. "Sukebe," he
said, before replacing the mask over his face and going silent again.
Chaos blinked. "Ano...what was that about?"
"Oh, that's just the daily non-sequitor stuff you run across in
our world," Dark Mayhem replied, sifting through the financial section
of the newspaper. "Hmmm...Kick ass! Galaxy TV shares are going up, just
as I predicted. But somebody remind to me to sell it before Galaxia
shows up; that stock will go to shit when they find out she's using
that station to conquer the world."
"I'm ready for my rubdown and hair primping session!" Sarcasm's
voice called out from her bedroom.
Marron Glaces glanced down at the number on his ticket, then
stood up from his seat at the dining room table. "I guess that's me,"
he said. "I hope she doesn't bring Sake like last time; the hangover
from the fumes nearly killed me."
"At least you didn't have to clean up her room after that party,"
Mosquiton lamented as he hustled quickly over to the Elfgirl's room
with armloads of Hard Lemonade.
Sarcasm [ni shi hunazai]: "Less talk and more pampering!!"
Marron & Mosquiton: "Hai, Jo'o-sama!!"
Chaos: [eyebrow twitch!] "......"
Pesti-chan abruptly noticed a cute li'l Shinma sitting upon the
table. Strangely enough, Rampage was just a few feet away, staring
intently at the seemingly cute bunny rabbit. "Na ni? What's with her?"
"Oh, that?" Anarchy remarked, having just finished her bath. She
towelled off her damp, luxurious hair. "Rampage is just trying to
figure out if Shiina here is a cute enough mascot to eat. Ne, Tasuki,
don't tell me you're still unconscious from that Ra Tilt I threw at you
in the bathtub, you wuss! Come on out and get some Sake before it gets
Chaos and Pesti-chan curiously looked at each other.
"That doesn't make sense," Pesti-chan mulled to himself, getting
up and approaching Shiina. He picked up the bunny-like Shinma,
appraising it for himself.
"Ohayo gozaimasu," Shiina said to him, her one little red eye
staring up at him.
"What's so uncute about this mascot?" he called out to Anarchy.
Just then he noticed that Shiina's right eye was covered by one of her
bunny ears. Curious, he lifted the ear. And this time, curiosity nearly
killed the Pesti-chan as he suddenly found himself staring at an
enormous, bloodshot yellow eye goggling back at him.
At the risk of stating the obvious, Pesti-chan freaked.
"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" six li'l terrified SD overlords shrieked,
all of them recoiling right onto Chaos. "You could have warned us about
that, Anarchy!" SD Pesti-chan #4 snapped, grappling tightly onto Chaos'
"Are all your mornings like this?!" Chaos exclaimed in
exasperation, trying to pry the SD Pesti-chans off himself. "Y'all are
a bunch of lunatics!"
Suddenly Havoc-chan dropped in from above. "Hotcha!" she said,
handing Chaos a bowl of breast-shaped jigglers. "And what better things
to do as lunatics than throw a lunatic party! It's time for an Evening
at Lita's, and I get to spank the Senshi!"
The vein in Chaos' forehead abruptly throbbed, his eyebrows
twitching irately. Grabbing onto Havoc-chan's DOJI BOY collar, he
promptly lobbed the Hentenno out the balcony window.
"Gomen ne, Chaos," Dark Mayhem remarked, leaning sideways to
avoid being smacked by the flying uberperv. "Perhaps I should have
reminded you sooner that we're twenty-eight floors up."
[Cue the gratuitous Cream Lemon mushroom cloud as Havoc-chan hits
"Aw, shimatta!" SD Pesti-chan #5 groaned, covered in whipped
cream. "Not again."
A perfectly clean Pesti-chan #2 grinned from beneath his
umbrella. "Oh the weather outside is frightful...." he sang.
SD Pesti-chan #3 took a taste test of the Cream Lemon. "Mmm!
"HENTAI!!!" the other SD Pesti-chans exclaimed, clobbering SD
Anarchy lowered the AT Field that had protected her and the
kitchen from the creamy blast. Taking out a bottle of Hard Lemonade,
she decided to celebrate...well, she'd think of something later. "Now
that was fun!" she crooned, sauntering over to Tasuki--who
unfortunately had been plastered to the wall by the explosion of
"As subtle as a gentle uterus crashing through the ceiling," Dark
Mayhem remarked, closing his umbrella up.
"Remind me to smite Chaos with that later," Anarchy spoke up,
peeling Tasuki off the wall.
"Na ni?" Chaos asked, towelling himself off. "You mean one of
those smites Star Sailor Polaris does?"
There was dead silence in the room.
"Baka," Pesti-chan said through his most artificially sincere
smile. "Chaos has never said her name right once!"
Chaos' eyebrow twitched. "Like I want to get hit by some
oversized uterus! There's no way you can make me say it!"
Abruptly the doorbell rang.
"Whew, saved by the bell," Chaos remarked, dashing over to the
door. "I got it!"
Dark Mayhem shook his head. "Poor girl. It's the basic rule our
author holds to: if at first you can't smite Chaos--"
"--find someone else who can," Anarchy finished.
Chaos: ^^ [opening the door] "Ohayo! How can I--?"
[Cue Red Queen Kasumi!]
Red Queen Kasumi: [with whip!] "WOH OHO HO OH OHO HOO HO!!!! Chaos-kun,
I do hope you don't mind me dropping by. Would it trouble you too much
to lick my boots and call me the Queen?"
Chaos: o.O;;; "J-Jo'o-samaaaaa...."
* * *
And now for something completely different....
[Cue the musical number, with the Deathscythe, HeavyArms and
Sandrock Gundams all dancing down a yellowbrick road!]
Fanboys: ^^ "Oh, we're off to see the wizard! The wonderful uber
exploder wizard of OZ! You really don't wanna piss him off, or he'll
Megadeth you just because!"
[The Gundams come to an abrupt stop, a small set of chestplate
doors opening up. And who should step out of the HeavyArms' cockpit
Beans: [groan!] "I can't believe I have to play Dorothy for this stupid
musical of yours, Chaos."
Chaos: ^-^ [popping out from the Sandrock] "Aw, where's your sense of
Beans: "The fact that you're the one wearing the dress and ruby
slippers does not discourage my belief that you are depriving some poor
village of its idiot."
Chaos: "Think positive about this, Beans! This is sure to beat out the
record set by my Ziggy Stardust Memories Gundam musical!"
Beans: "What record? You only sold two copies of the CD soundtrack--you
bought both of them yourself and then sent one to your mother. And she
sent it back *after* disowning you!"
Chaos: [sweatdrop] "I find your lack of optimism in my work
[Beans punts Chaos into the air!]
Beans: "How can I have faith in you while I'm carrying an octopus named
Toto, you moron?!"
Carnage: [emerging from the Deathscythe] "How appropriate that you
should be the Scarecrow, Chaos. But I still don't think you'll ever
manage to find a brain."
Beans: [looking at Carnage] "What's with all the armour? Just who are
you supposed to be in this?"
Carnage: [sigh!] "I'm the Tin Man, looking for a heart. Treize
Khushrenada's will do nicely, mind you."
Beans: [eyebrow twitch!] "There's no place like College Life! There's
no place like College Life!"
[Abruptly Chaos crashes back onto his Gundam!]
Chaos: "Ne, where's our Cowardly Lion? He should be here for this
Carnage: "I assume you made an SD Zoantropied Pesti-chan fill that
Chaos: --;; "No...he's out on a date with *MY* Mako-chan."
Beans: "So who's the replacement?"
[Cue a Dragon Pink Slayer guymelef suddenly bounding across the
newly repaved, Lemonfic Road...but just how does a floating guymelef
Havoc-chan: ^-^ "Hotcha! Ne, I'm looking for a set of ruby panties.
Have any of you seen where Princess Rouge ran off to?"
Beans, Chaos & Carnage: "No."
[Suddenly something appears in the skies above, blocking the
Beans: "What the?"
Carnage: [teary Bambi eyes!] "Sugoi! It's the Tallgeese III Gundam! But
who's that guy riding on top of the head?"
Chaos: "Yang Wen-Li?"
Carnage: [grrrr!] "DIL BRAND!!"
Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAA!!"
Beans: [argh!] "You mean to tell me *that* is the uber exploder wizard
Dark Mayhem: [wearing Zechs Merquise's chrome plated mask] "Well what
the hell took ya? You want me to sit here spinning on my thumb for
another two pages?!"
[Suddenly the cockpit hatch blows open, revealing the true pilot
of the Gundam!]
Newt Schneider: o.O [blink blink!]
Dark Mayhem: "Um...Pay no attention to that sorcerous newt at the
Havoc-chan: ^-^ "Hotcha! Thanks to the liquid hentai claws of my
Guymelef, I managed to steal Miharu's panties while she was inside her
Beans: [lament!] "This can't be good."
[Cue the Gasaraki mecha which suddenly charges onto the scene,
shooting out hot lead from its 65mm cannon at the Gundams!]
Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAA!!! My musical! Carnage, you're a mecha freak; do
Carnage: [teary Bambi eyes] "*Sigh!* Ah, the metal fake experimental
Model 02 Ishtar MK-II. Will you look at the way it gracefully uses that
anti-tank missile launcher and guillotine/chainsaw combination? It
truly is a work of art!"
Beans: [eye roll!] "Well, that certainly helped."
Miharu: [bringing down the guillotine on Havoc!] "Give me back my
panties, you freak!!"
Havoc-chan: ^-^ "Oro?"
[Cue the eyecatch!]
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