OMAKE THEATRE!!!



        [Cue the SD Beanie-chan popping up and taking over the Omake
Theatre!]

SD Bean-chan: ^-^ "Ohayo! And welcome to yet another wondrous instalment of my ideas for alternate Sailor Moon universes!"

Dark Mayhem: [dryly] "Time to sharpen up on my ritual suicide techniques, I see."

Riot: "Ah, anything-goes martial arts sepukku-fu, is it, then? Most honourable. I shall smite you all now with the sheer impressiveness of my ritual disembowelment."

SD Chaos-chan: [blink blink!] "Oh...goodie. Can he go first?"

Hysteria: ^-^ "Oooooh! Sepukku-chan! Sepukku-chan!"

Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "Who the hell are you?"

Carnage: "And what kind of a nasty thing did you do to get stuck in this Omake theatre with Chaos?"

SD Bean-chan: --;; "......"

Riot: "I must apologize. You see, I most desperately need an honourable paycheck, and this cameo is the closest thing I could get to a role before F9! begins. After all, if a tree falls in the forest, and hits a Yamhead, does anyone really care?"

        [Cue the sweatdrops, and the scrolling kana for "Ano ne...." moving in behind everyone!!]

Pesti: [slowly nodding] "Ooooookaaaaay."

Dark Mayhem: "Ne, if you're here for the paycheck, then what is she here for?"

        [Everyone turns around.]

Ruckus: ^-^ [chasing after Marron Glaces] "Come on, Marron-chan! Think of all the kinky knots I could tie you up in just using your long, silky hair!"

Fanboys: o.O;;

Riot: [sigh!] "She's just here for the guys. Most dishonourable."

        [Ruckus abruptly pauses as a shadow falls upon her.]

Ruckus: "Hm? Na ni?"

Sarcasm: [with Zanba spatula] "GET AWAY FROM MY HAREM!!!"

*SPLAT!!*

SD Chaos-chan: [wince!] "So...that's your obligatory token fairy character, ne?"

Carnage: "At least, that's the story the author's given us."

Sarcasm: [hmph!] "Nobody fondles my Marron-chan but me!"

Ruckus: ^-^ [perched atop the Zanba spatula] "Ne, were you aiming for something?"

Sarcasm: o.O [erk!] "You survived?!"

Fanboys: [sweatdrop!] "......"

Dark Mayhem: [shaking his head] "That's almost too bizarre to watch."

Riot: [nods] "You should try working with her."

SD Bean-chan: "*AHEM!!!* What about my alternate Sailor Moon universes?!"

        [Everyone abruptly turns back to watch Ruckus & Sarcasm fight over Marron!]

SD Bean-chan: [with a new Chaosfic!] "Fine. Then I'll reveal my latest idea all by myself!"

SD Chaos-chan: [punting Bean-chan high into orbit!] "Not so fast, you crossdresser. I'm not about to let you get away with yet another humiliation in *my* body."

SD Bean-chan: "Hey! Gimme that Chaosfic!"

Carnage: "So, what monstrosity did he create this time?"

SD Chaos-chan: "The Moon Princess Bride?!"

Everyone: o.O;;; "WHAT?!"

Riot: "Most dishonourable."

Pesti: [reading] "'Let us travel back to a time where tuxedo-clad men were tuxedo-clad men, Fire Soul attacks were Fire Soul attacks, and L.O.U.S. (Lemureses of unusual size) prowled the earth. It was at this time when Mamoru's ship got attacked by...the dread pirate Beryl?'"

Hysteria: ^-^ "Ooooh! Beryl-chan! Beryl-chan!"

Dark Mayhem: "Yare yare. Is it just me, or does Chaos set low personal standards for writing and then consistently fails to achieve them?"

SD Bean-chan: [sulking] "No one appreciates my artistic abilities."

Sarcasm: "Just because no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist, Chaos. Hey! Where do you think you're going with my Marron- chan, ninja girl?!"

Ruckus: "To the bedroom. Where else?"

Marron: [teary Bambi eyes] "Sarcasm-hime...."

SD Bean-chan: [indignant sniff!] "Are you saying that you didn't like my Battle Arena Toshinmaden fanfic?"

Pesti: [darkly] "Almost as much as your stupid Sailor Moon Atragon Chaosfic."

        [Cue Havoc suddenly dropping in on SD Chaos-chan's head!]

Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! But who could ever deny that *this* is a real work of genius?"

Carnage: [reading the Havocfic title] "'La Perfect Blue Girl'?! HAVOC...!!!"

Havoc: ^-^ "Oro?"

SD Bean-chan: o.O "Quick! Someone cue my alternate universe before we get Cream Lemon all over the Omake!!"


        [Cue the bizarre & twisted alternate SM universe #1!!!]

        Meiji Era.
        Japan, 1879.
        The Bakumatsu war between the Shogun's government and the Ishin Shishi had ended. Now the face of Japan has changed, being open to the outside world beyond its ocean shores. The samurai can no longer wear their prized swords. And the deadliest killers to ever be produced have either been left for dead, or disappeared....


        With a mop of long and scruffy blonde hair, the young and very tall ruroni walked alone down the streets of the city. A telltale X- shaped scar ran across the left cheek. But that wasn't what caused other passers-by to notice.
        What they noticed more than anything else was the katana sword that this ruroni, this wanderer, didn't even bother to hide. It remained sheathed at his side as he walked through public areas.
        Many whispers went behind his back, and even though he didn't seem to either care or notice, he heard them all:
        "Him. He's one of them, isn't he?"
        "Samurais. Why do they still want to wear such Talismans in a civilized world?"
        Abruptly the ruroni stopped walking, and slowly turned back. The look in his blue eyes could have shattered the walls of the surrounding houses. It wasn't that he was daring anyone to fight; the glare was a warning to those who might be stupid enough to try and pick a fight.
        Surprisingly enough, someone in front of him decided to take him up on the offer. "So...you are him after all," someone stated. "Haruka Kenshin, the legendary Hitokiri Battousai, deadliest of all the Sailor Samurai."
        The ruroni cocked his head slightly. "Oro?"
        He turned around, only to find a young, twelve year-old girl standing defiantly in his path. Her kimono was a deep and rich black, the same colour as her shoulder-length, raven wing hair. But what managed to catch the ruroni's attention was the weapon she had: a glaive, with a blade just as wide and twice as high as she was. Mounted on a beautifully crafted shaft, it was any wonder someone this seemingly small and delicate could wield such an object.
        But the young girl swung the Zanba Glaive with alarming ease, carving a deep gouge across the road between her and the ruroni. In the process of turning to make the swipe, the back of the young girl's kimono fluttered out. Painted on the back in red was the kanji for "Wampaku-mono."
        NAUGHTY CHILD.
        "Come on!" the girl said. "I may have come here to kick the Battousai's ass, but don't make me have to come over there and kick your ass by myself!"
        Haruka Kenshin smiled. "Gomen, gomen! I'm not a fighter. I'm just a wandering swordsman on my way to the Kamiya Dojo."
        The young girl growled, suddenly darting forwards.
        Haruka's eyes narrowed as the Zanba Glaive's blade was viciously used to try and cleave him in half. The ruroni leaped backwards, barely missing the tip of the weapon. However, his haori didn't fare so well, the vest being torn neatly in half--and displaying "his" well endowed state.
        Numerous people gasped in surprise as they saw the binding cloth wrapped around Haruka's chest and breasts. But the young girl only grinned.
        "Ha! I knew it! Only a real Sailor Samurai could be female, and not this male you masquerade to be," she stated, raising the Zanba Glaive for another strike.
        Haruka scowled. "This," she replied evenly. "was a good haori. My *only* haori."
        The young girl took her attacking stance. "Nothing personal, Haruka, but I'm a gangster and professional fighter. And I sooooo want to beat the shit out of you, the best Sailor Samurai the Ishin Senshi ever created."
        "I have very little intention of fighting you," Haruka said matter-of-factly, reaching into the tattered folds of her vest. "However, you seem to be leaving me with very little choice in the matter."
        Haruka pulled out a henshin stick, and waved it high in the air. "URANUS PLANET POWER: MAKE UP!!!"
        And in a spectacular display of lights and crackling energy, the ruroni transformed into a fuku-clad samurai. Haruka, now Samurai Uranus, leaned in a crouch upon the road. She tightly gripped the hilt of her sword.
        The young girl only chuckled darkly to herself. "Ah, now that's more the like the Battousai I've heard so much about. Perhaps I should introduce myself: I am called Hotaru....but you can call me Samurai Saturn."
        With that, Hotaru pulled on the ribbon wrapped around her waist. The folds of the "Naughty Girl" kimono blew away, caught up in the wind, revealing beneath the folds of silk and cloth a sailor fuku just like Haruka's.
        "Ne, Haruka," Hotaru asked. "Aren't you going to draw your sword to keep me from beating the shit out of you?"
        Samurai Uranus glanced down at her weapon. And then she slowly drew the Talisman out from its sheath. The blade shone almost blindingly as it was released from its darkened scabbard. "I should tell you that this is not a Space Sword," Haruka said. "See? It's only a one-sided blade, and a reversed one at that. The worst I could do is give you nasty bruises with my best attack."
        Hotaru suddenly charged. "Do I look like I care?!" she shouted angrily, smashing the Zanba Glaive into the ground. "I just want to actually have some challenge in kicking someone's ass!"
        Haruka adeptly dodged the attack, unleashing the reversed sword and bringing it down on Hotaru's arms. But Hotaru pulled the glaive back, parrying with the weapon's long shaft.
        Abruptly an elegant young woman dressed in an aqua-marine kimono that brought out her wavy, aqua-green hair, walked onto the battleground. Michiru blinked in surprise as she watched the two Sailor Samurai duking it out.
        "Ara ara," she sighed. "I was wondering why you hadn't come back to the dojo on time. Haruka, what have I told you about picking fights with other samurai?"
        "She started it!" Haruka protested, leaning backwards as Hotaru jabbed forward with the glaive.
        Michiru crossed her arms across her chest. "I do hope you're not going to take this one in as a student of my Kamiya Dojo. We've already got three Inner Samurai, and that Samurai Pluto girl--all of whom have voracious appetites."
        Haruka swung her reversed sword, starting to take a more offensive approach to the battle. Yet Hotaru didn't seem to want to relent at all.
       
Haruka: "Look, Michiru, I'm kinda busy right now. Could we talk about this later?"
       
Hotaru: [vicious swipe!] "HEY! PAY ATTENTION TO ME WHEN I'M TRYING TO KICK YOUR ASS!!"

Haruka: "Oro?"

*CLONG!*

Haruka: @_@ [beaned on the side of the head] "Oroooo...."

Michiru: [sigh!] "Samurais."


* * *

SD Bean-chan: ^-^ "So, what do you guys think of Ruroni Henshin?"

        [Dead silence....]

Fanboys: o.O "......"

Hysteria: "Oooooh! Kenshin-chan looked just soooo kawaii in her kawaii little fuku-chan, ne? Ne? Ne?"

Carnage: [eyebrow twitch!] "H-Hotaru-sama...as Sanza?!"

Dark Mayhem: "Ne, Riot, any luck finding that spare katana yet?"

Riot: [searching his oversized sleeves] "Damn! If only I could actually find one of my honourable hidden smite-fu weapons, I would bring swift retribution for this most dishonourable crossover!!"

Pesti: [twitch twitch!] "No...more...Chaosfics...."

Carnage: "Just what unnamed demon of hellish fanfiction possessed you to cast Haruka as Kenshin anyways?"

SD Bean-chan: "Well, Kenshin's seiyuu is a girl, and in Sailor Moon, Haruka enjoys being mistaken as a guy. I see it as a great trade-off!"

        [Cue the facevaults!]

Riot: "Aha! I have found my most honourable sword! Now then, Chaos, witness the power of my anything goes martial arts Smite Chaos-Fu!!"

SD Bean-chan: ^-^ "Oro?"

*SLICE SLICE SLICE SLICE SLICE!!*

Riot: [partially sheathing his sword] "Don't worry. That was just my most honourable Sakabato, a reversed sword. I only hit you with the blunt side of it, delivering a painful smite--yet ensuring you can live."

        [Bean-chan suddenly goes to pieces...literally!]

Riot: [hmmm....] "Oh, wait. This sword is double-edged. My mistake!"

Pesti: "Mistake? You just turned him into Julienne Fries!"

Rampage: ^-^ "CHU CHU!"

Julian-fried SD Bean-chan: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAA!! I am not a snack, Rampage! Put down that bottle of Wasabi sauce right now!!"

Carnage: [shaking his head] "Hotaru-sama...as Sanza?!"

Dark Mayhem: "Well, I think we managed to break Carnage with that last fic."

SD Chaos-chan: "Chaos, were you actually using any form of brain activity when you conjured up that stupid idea?"

SD Bean-chan: [hmph!] "It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy."

        [Cue the facevaults!]

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