[Cue the SD Beanie-chan popping up and taking over the Omake
SD Bean-chan: ^-^ "Ohayo! And welcome to yet another wondrous
instalment of my ideas for alternate Sailor Moon universes!"
Dark Mayhem: [dryly] "Time to sharpen up on my ritual suicide
techniques, I see."
Riot: "Ah, anything-goes martial arts sepukku-fu, is it, then? Most
honourable. I shall smite you all now with the sheer impressiveness of
my ritual disembowelment."
SD Chaos-chan: [blink blink!] "Oh...goodie. Can he go first?"
Hysteria: ^-^ "Oooooh! Sepukku-chan! Sepukku-chan!"
Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "Who the hell are you?"
Carnage: "And what kind of a nasty thing did you do to get stuck in
this Omake theatre with Chaos?"
SD Bean-chan: --;; "......"
Riot: "I must apologize. You see, I most desperately need an honourable
paycheck, and this cameo is the closest thing I could get to a role
before F9! begins. After all, if a tree falls in the forest, and hits a
Yamhead, does anyone really care?"
[Cue the sweatdrops, and the scrolling kana for "Ano ne...."
moving in behind everyone!!]
Pesti: [slowly nodding] "Ooooookaaaaay."
Dark Mayhem: "Ne, if you're here for the paycheck, then what is she
[Everyone turns around.]
Ruckus: ^-^ [chasing after Marron Glaces] "Come on, Marron-chan! Think
of all the kinky knots I could tie you up in just using your long,
Riot: [sigh!] "She's just here for the guys. Most dishonourable."
[Ruckus abruptly pauses as a shadow falls upon her.]
Ruckus: "Hm? Na ni?"
Sarcasm: [with Zanba spatula] "GET AWAY FROM MY HAREM!!!"
SD Chaos-chan: [wince!] "So...that's your obligatory token fairy
Carnage: "At least, that's the story the author's given us."
Sarcasm: [hmph!] "Nobody fondles my Marron-chan but me!"
Ruckus: ^-^ [perched atop the Zanba spatula] "Ne, were you aiming for
Sarcasm: o.O [erk!] "You survived?!"
Fanboys: [sweatdrop!] "......"
Dark Mayhem: [shaking his head] "That's almost too bizarre to watch."
Riot: [nods] "You should try working with her."
SD Bean-chan: "*AHEM!!!* What about my alternate Sailor Moon
[Everyone abruptly turns back to watch Ruckus & Sarcasm fight
SD Bean-chan: [with a new Chaosfic!] "Fine. Then I'll reveal my latest
idea all by myself!"
SD Chaos-chan: [punting Bean-chan high into orbit!] "Not so fast, you
crossdresser. I'm not about to let you get away with yet another
humiliation in *my* body."
SD Bean-chan: "Hey! Gimme that Chaosfic!"
Carnage: "So, what monstrosity did he create this time?"
SD Chaos-chan: "The Moon Princess Bride?!"
Everyone: o.O;;; "WHAT?!"
Riot: "Most dishonourable."
Pesti: [reading] "'Let us travel back to a time where tuxedo-clad men
were tuxedo-clad men, Fire Soul attacks were Fire Soul attacks, and
L.O.U.S. (Lemureses of unusual size) prowled the earth. It was at this
time when Mamoru's ship got attacked by...the dread pirate Beryl?'"
Hysteria: ^-^ "Ooooh! Beryl-chan! Beryl-chan!"
Dark Mayhem: "Yare yare. Is it just me, or does Chaos set low personal
standards for writing and then consistently fails to achieve them?"
SD Bean-chan: [sulking] "No one appreciates my artistic abilities."
Sarcasm: "Just because no one understands you doesn't mean you're an
artist, Chaos. Hey! Where do you think you're going with my Marron-
chan, ninja girl?!"
Ruckus: "To the bedroom. Where else?"
Marron: [teary Bambi eyes] "Sarcasm-hime...."
SD Bean-chan: [indignant sniff!] "Are you saying that you didn't like
my Battle Arena Toshinmaden fanfic?"
Pesti: [darkly] "Almost as much as your stupid Sailor Moon Atragon
[Cue Havoc suddenly dropping in on SD Chaos-chan's head!]
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! But who could ever deny that *this* is a real work
Carnage: [reading the Havocfic title] "'La Perfect Blue Girl'?!
Havoc: ^-^ "Oro?"
SD Bean-chan: o.O "Quick! Someone cue my alternate universe before we
get Cream Lemon all over the Omake!!"
[Cue the bizarre & twisted alternate SM universe #1!!!]
The Bakumatsu war between the Shogun's government and the Ishin
Shishi had ended. Now the face of Japan has changed, being open to the
outside world beyond its ocean shores. The samurai can no longer wear
their prized swords. And the deadliest killers to ever be produced have
either been left for dead, or disappeared....
With a mop of long and scruffy blonde hair, the young and very
tall ruroni walked alone down the streets of the city. A telltale X-
shaped scar ran across the left cheek. But that wasn't what caused
other passers-by to notice.
What they noticed more than anything else was the katana sword
that this ruroni, this wanderer, didn't even bother to hide. It
remained sheathed at his side as he walked through public areas.
Many whispers went behind his back, and even though he didn't
seem to either care or notice, he heard them all:
"Him. He's one of them, isn't he?"
"Samurais. Why do they still want to wear such Talismans in a
Abruptly the ruroni stopped walking, and slowly turned back. The
look in his blue eyes could have shattered the walls of the surrounding
houses. It wasn't that he was daring anyone to fight; the glare was a
warning to those who might be stupid enough to try and pick a fight.
Surprisingly enough, someone in front of him decided to take him
up on the offer. "So...you are him after all," someone stated. "Haruka
Kenshin, the legendary Hitokiri Battousai, deadliest of all the Sailor
The ruroni cocked his head slightly. "Oro?"
He turned around, only to find a young, twelve year-old girl
standing defiantly in his path. Her kimono was a deep and rich black,
the same colour as her shoulder-length, raven wing hair. But what
managed to catch the ruroni's attention was the weapon she had: a
glaive, with a blade just as wide and twice as high as she was. Mounted
on a beautifully crafted shaft, it was any wonder someone this
seemingly small and delicate could wield such an object.
But the young girl swung the Zanba Glaive with alarming ease,
carving a deep gouge across the road between her and the ruroni. In the
process of turning to make the swipe, the back of the young girl's
kimono fluttered out. Painted on the back in red was the kanji for
"Come on!" the girl said. "I may have come here to kick the
Battousai's ass, but don't make me have to come over there and kick
your ass by myself!"
Haruka Kenshin smiled. "Gomen, gomen! I'm not a fighter. I'm just
a wandering swordsman on my way to the Kamiya Dojo."
The young girl growled, suddenly darting forwards.
Haruka's eyes narrowed as the Zanba Glaive's blade was viciously
used to try and cleave him in half. The ruroni leaped backwards, barely
missing the tip of the weapon. However, his haori didn't fare so well,
the vest being torn neatly in half--and displaying "his" well endowed
Numerous people gasped in surprise as they saw the binding cloth
wrapped around Haruka's chest and breasts. But the young girl only
"Ha! I knew it! Only a real Sailor Samurai could be female, and
not this male you masquerade to be," she stated, raising the Zanba
Glaive for another strike.
Haruka scowled. "This," she replied evenly. "was a good haori. My
The young girl took her attacking stance. "Nothing personal,
Haruka, but I'm a gangster and professional fighter. And I sooooo want
to beat the shit out of you, the best Sailor Samurai the Ishin Senshi
"I have very little intention of fighting you," Haruka said
matter-of-factly, reaching into the tattered folds of her vest.
"However, you seem to be leaving me with very little choice in the
Haruka pulled out a henshin stick, and waved it high in the air.
"URANUS PLANET POWER: MAKE UP!!!"
And in a spectacular display of lights and crackling energy, the
ruroni transformed into a fuku-clad samurai. Haruka, now Samurai
Uranus, leaned in a crouch upon the road. She tightly gripped the hilt
of her sword.
The young girl only chuckled darkly to herself. "Ah, now that's
more the like the Battousai I've heard so much about. Perhaps I should
introduce myself: I am called Hotaru....but you can call me Samurai
With that, Hotaru pulled on the ribbon wrapped around her waist.
The folds of the "Naughty Girl" kimono blew away, caught up in the
wind, revealing beneath the folds of silk and cloth a sailor fuku just
"Ne, Haruka," Hotaru asked. "Aren't you going to draw your sword
to keep me from beating the shit out of you?"
Samurai Uranus glanced down at her weapon. And then she slowly
drew the Talisman out from its sheath. The blade shone almost
blindingly as it was released from its darkened scabbard. "I should
tell you that this is not a Space Sword," Haruka said. "See? It's only
a one-sided blade, and a reversed one at that. The worst I could do is
give you nasty bruises with my best attack."
Hotaru suddenly charged. "Do I look like I care?!" she shouted
angrily, smashing the Zanba Glaive into the ground. "I just want to
actually have some challenge in kicking someone's ass!"
Haruka adeptly dodged the attack, unleashing the reversed sword
and bringing it down on Hotaru's arms. But Hotaru pulled the glaive
back, parrying with the weapon's long shaft.
Abruptly an elegant young woman dressed in an aqua-marine kimono
that brought out her wavy, aqua-green hair, walked onto the
battleground. Michiru blinked in surprise as she watched the two Sailor
Samurai duking it out.
"Ara ara," she sighed. "I was wondering why you hadn't come back
to the dojo on time. Haruka, what have I told you about picking fights
with other samurai?"
"She started it!" Haruka protested, leaning backwards as Hotaru
jabbed forward with the glaive.
Michiru crossed her arms across her chest. "I do hope you're not
going to take this one in as a student of my Kamiya Dojo. We've already
got three Inner Samurai, and that Samurai Pluto girl--all of whom have
Haruka swung her reversed sword, starting to take a more
offensive approach to the battle. Yet Hotaru didn't seem to want to
relent at all.
Haruka: "Look, Michiru, I'm kinda busy right now. Could we talk about
Hotaru: [vicious swipe!] "HEY! PAY ATTENTION TO ME WHEN I'M TRYING TO
KICK YOUR ASS!!"
Haruka: @_@ [beaned on the side of the head] "Oroooo...."
Michiru: [sigh!] "Samurais."
* * *
SD Bean-chan: ^-^ "So, what do you guys think of Ruroni Henshin?"
Fanboys: o.O "......"
Hysteria: "Oooooh! Kenshin-chan looked just soooo kawaii in her kawaii
little fuku-chan, ne? Ne? Ne?"
Carnage: [eyebrow twitch!] "H-Hotaru-sama...as Sanza?!"
Dark Mayhem: "Ne, Riot, any luck finding that spare katana yet?"
Riot: [searching his oversized sleeves] "Damn! If only I could actually
find one of my honourable hidden smite-fu weapons, I would bring swift
retribution for this most dishonourable crossover!!"
Pesti: [twitch twitch!] "No...more...Chaosfics...."
Carnage: "Just what unnamed demon of hellish fanfiction possessed you
to cast Haruka as Kenshin anyways?"
SD Bean-chan: "Well, Kenshin's seiyuu is a girl, and in Sailor Moon,
Haruka enjoys being mistaken as a guy. I see it as a great trade-off!"
[Cue the facevaults!]
Riot: "Aha! I have found my most honourable sword! Now then, Chaos,
witness the power of my anything goes martial arts Smite Chaos-Fu!!"
SD Bean-chan: ^-^ "Oro?"
*SLICE SLICE SLICE SLICE SLICE!!*
Riot: [partially sheathing his sword] "Don't worry. That was just my
most honourable Sakabato, a reversed sword. I only hit you with the
blunt side of it, delivering a painful smite--yet ensuring you can
[Bean-chan suddenly goes to pieces...literally!]
Riot: [hmmm....] "Oh, wait. This sword is double-edged. My mistake!"
Pesti: "Mistake? You just turned him into Julienne Fries!"
Rampage: ^-^ "CHU CHU!"
Julian-fried SD Bean-chan: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAA!! I am not a snack,
Rampage! Put down that bottle of Wasabi sauce right now!!"
Carnage: [shaking his head] "Hotaru-sama...as Sanza?!"
Dark Mayhem: "Well, I think we managed to break Carnage with that last
SD Chaos-chan: "Chaos, were you actually using any form of brain
activity when you conjured up that stupid idea?"
SD Bean-chan: [hmph!] "It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the
cellular level I'm really quite busy."
[Cue the facevaults!]
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