SD Bean-chan: ^-^ "And for our grand finale, it's time for sailERmoon!"

Pesti: "Chaos, consult your spellchecker. It's 'sailor'. OR and not...ER...."

Carnage: [argh!] "Oh no. Chaos, you didn't!"

Dark Mayhem: "Oh, he did. Riot, hand me that double-edged katana of yours, will you?"

SD Bean-chan: ^-^ "Hai! Cue the James Newton Howard theme to ER!"

SD Chaos-chan: "Masaka!"

Fanboys: o.O "It''s...THE RETURN OF NURSE MINAKO!!!"

        [Cue the bizarre & twisted alternate SM universe #2!!!]

        THE PLACE: Crystal Tokyo Hospital.
        THE TIME: 8:34pm
        THE SERIES: sailERmoon.
        THE PLOT: non-existent.

        "Yare yare, where's Haruka?" Dr. Michiru snapped, racing madly beside the gurney which carried the latest patient into Crystal Tokyo's Emergency Room. "We need to operate now!"
        "How can we possibly operate when we don't even know what he's suffering from?" nurse Rei said, helping pull the gurney into an open space. "He's suffering from internal injuries, possible haemorrhaging in the spleen and colon. One arm broken, and could have a punctured lung."
        They managed to find an empty stall. Nurses Usagi and Dr. Ami joined the Rei and Michiru in transporting their patient from the gurney onto one of the tables.
        Usagi's face turned blue as she stared at the mangled young man. "Kyaaaa! What did this guys do to himself?"
        "Actually, he was a med student coming with us for a ride-along," Makoto explained, quickly shuffling past the foursome. "This happened to her *during* the drive."
        Michiru's eyebrow twitched. "Can't Eudial drive the ambulance with just a little restraint?"
        On the table, 3x3's Yakumo laughed weakly. " really only hurt when she braked hard and sent me through the windshield...and then failed to notice I had gone through the windshield, and ran me down."
        "M-Masaka!" Rei exclaimed. "How can he be talking like this when his entire internal organs have been rearranged? And what's with that funny mark on his head?"
        Michiru frowned. "Any suggestions, Ami?" she consulted with her fellow physician.
        Ami shrugged. "We'll need to get some X-Rays to see how bad the damage it. Strangely enough, none of his wounds appear to be fatal."
        Yakumo started to sit up. "It's a 'Wu' thing," he said. "I think I'm feeling better now."
        "No, you're not!" all four ladies exclaimed, grabbing his shoulders and slamming his back onto the table.
        Michiru pulled out her Aqua Mirror. "This should help in diagnosing his problems," she stated, pointing the reflective surface at Yakumo. The glass shimmered and displayed the results within seconds.
        "Hmmmm," Michiru mused to herself. "It would appear that mark on his forehead is the result of...daemon possession?! Rei, quickly! We need to perform exorcismic surgery!"
        "Hai!" Nurse Rei exclaimed, putting on a set of rubber gloves before pulling out her demon wards.
        Yakumo squirmed on the table. "No! I'm fine! Really! It's a good kind of demon possession! A *good* kind! KYAAAAA!!!"
        Elsewhere in the ER, Makoto found the action not even dying down as she left from her stint riding Ambulance shotgun with Eudial.
        "Dammit!" Haruka snapped, leaning over another recently admitted- -and badly wounded--patient. "He's bleeding all over the place! I could some help here!"
        "Hai!" Makoto replied, coming to Haruka's aide.
        Haruka never even looked up from her work. "Scalpel!"
        Makoto nodded and grabbed the Space Sword from a nearby table. "Here, Haruka-san!"
        Haruka quite literally plunged into her work, frantically racing against time to save the dying man's life. "I need more help!" she called out.
        Dr. Hotaru appeared moments later, using her glaive to aide Haruka.
        Abruptly a loud, constant hum echoed across the room.
        Haruka's eyes widened. "No! Damn you, you are not going to die on my shift!"
        Makoto pushed past Haruka. "Let me do this," she said, raising her hands over her head. "SUPREME THUNDER!!!"
        A lightning attack pooled into her palms, and with a vicious punch against the man's chest, Makoto the living defribulator delivered a massive cardiovascular surge of electricity. Nothing happened. Makoto tried again, and then a third time, upping the voltage with a Thunder Dragon.
        But it still didn't work.
        The flatline remained.
        "Shimatta!" Makoto cursed, slamming her fists against the edge of the gurney. "I thought for certain we could save him!"
        Haruka looked away. "Iie. We were just reaching for foolish hopes, Makoto. The man had someone's hand punched through his chest; how could even we save his life?"
        "Daijobu," a new female voice said.
        Haruka and Makoto looked up, only to see a tall, dark woman in a doctor's labcoat. Their eyes widened. "Supervisor Setsuna-san!" they chorused.
        Setsuna lifted her time staff, closing her eyes. "No life has ever been lost in the history of the Crystal Tokyo Hospital. I have no intention of breaking that tradition."
        Pooling her energy, Setsuna used the powers of the key-shaped staff to reverse time. Haruka grinned as she watched the gaping wound in the man's chest slowly heal itself. Crystal blue eyes fluttered open.
        And then with a gasp of air, Nakago sat up from the gurney. "Wh- where am I?" he asked slowly, brushing the blonde hair away from his face.
        "Careful," Makoto said, steadying him. "You're in Crystal Tokyo Hospital. We had to reverse time just to heal you."
        Nakago smiled smugly. "Arigato...suckers."
        Before any of the three Sailor Nurses could say anything, Nakago leaped off the gurney and used his newfound life to charge back into Fushigi Yugi--where he promptly beat the living [beep!] [beep!] out of Tamahome.
        Haruka sighed. "It's great to see someone making the most of their second chance at life."
        Makoto glanced over her shoulder as the ambulance suddenly crashed through the front doors. And with the vehicle came a new yet strangely familiar patient. Ami and Rei were the first on the scene to assess the injuries.
        Whoever was on the gurney certainly looked worse for wear.
        And that was a severe understatement.

Nurse Rei: o.O "Na ni?! What happened to you?!"
Desolation: [groan!] "You only know real pain after you've been through the digestive tract of an angel."

Nurse Rei: [sweatdrop!] "Desolation? Weren't you just here yesterday?"

Desolation: "No, yesterday was that incident with Alita. Today was Gaghiel."

        Rei glanced over to Usagi. "Ne, could you wheel him into his usual stall? It's never a matter of life and death with this guy."
        "H-Hai...." Desolation warbled.
        Cheerfully smiling, Usagi pushed Desolation into his usual waiting stall before attending to the next patient. With a sigh, Desolation glanced around the closest place he could ever call home. But at least it was much more scenic than all the other hospitals he had been to.
        Desolation managed to shake his head to one side, and looked at his next stall neighbour. His eyes widened in recognition. "Yakumo?"
        Yakumo looked over at the lost fanboy. "Desolation?"
        Both of them started to laugh--and then had their eyeballs bug out from the wonderful spasms of pain that shot through their bodies.
        "What a coincidence," Desolation remarked. "Two Wu's meeting like this in a hospital emergency room. It must be fate!"
        Seconds later, a freak meteor plunged from the heavens, crashed through the ER's ceiling, and promptly squashed both Yakumo and Desolation.
        In another part of the Emergency Ward, a very nervous
        "Daijobu," Nurse Minako said with a sincere smile. "Vaccination shots are a normal part of your mascot's life. You do want your Cerberus to grow up big and healthy and strong, ne?"
        Sniffling and forcing back her tears, Card Captor Sakura nodded.
        Nurse Minako glanced down at the kawaii li'l Kimba-ish, winged lion. She then reached back and pulled out a *massive*, eight foot long needle. "Ah, here we go!" she said.
Cerberus: o.O

Sakura: "KYAAAAA!!! Run, Cerberus! RUN!!!"

        Cerberus took off down the ER hallway, frantically trying to dodge all the other doctors and patients. Nurse Minako, however, didn't even give chase. Instead, she closed one eye, and aimed at Cerberus using her thumb as a reference point.
        "Don't worry," she said to Sakura. "If I can spike a volleyball into any part of the court, I can certainly get Cerberus in the rear with this needle."
        Supervisor Setsuna blinked as she watched Cerberus frantically race past her, followed closely by the oversized vaccination needle.
        "Yare yare. I really think I made a mistake promoting her from being Candy Stripper," she sighed. Her eyes caught sight of an occupied gurney--except the person was covered completely by a blanket.
        "Ne, who's supposed to be taking care of this one?" she asked, pulling back the blanket. She recoiled in stunned disbelief moments later as who should bound out but--!

Havoc-chan: ^-^ "Hotcha! I've got Setsuna's panties!"

        [Cue the draft!]

Setsuna: [eyebrow twitch!] "HAVOC...!!!"

Haruka: o.O "Setsuna, no! It takes three days to resanitize the entire ER if he Cream Lemons on everything!"

Setsuna: [grrrr!] "Do I look like I care? Dead Scream."

* * *

Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! Now that's just as good as being treated at the Ogenki Clinic! Jello, anyone?"

SD Bean-chan: [punting Havoc] "How in the hell did you managed to show up in my alternate reality, you freak?!"

Dark Mayhem: "Are you absolutely sure you want to do that, Chaos?"

SD Bean-chan: "Oh, yeah. What can he possibly do?"

        [Everyone abruptly freezes, gawking in terror at something in behind the SD Bean-chan.]

Fanboys: o.O "Tsu...Tsu...!!!"

SD Bean-chan: "What?"

Fanboys: o.O "TSUNAMI!!!"

SD Bean-chan: "What? Havoc hasn't even Cream Lemoned yet."

        [Cue the Juraian flagship, Tsunami, which crashes onto Bean-chan for no apparent reason!]

Dark Mayhem: "I sense a running gag here."

Carnage: "You mean the one that mowed Chaos down at the end of the last Omakefic?"

Dark Mayhem: "That's the one."

Desolation: [popping open the hatch] "Shimatta! This doesn't look like Planet Tea at all!"

Ayeka: [hmph!] "And now we're lost! That's the last time I let you ever drive!"

Pesti: "Chaos, daijobu?"

SD Chaos-chan: "I vote we let fanboys be fanboys, and just let him twitch."

Riot: "Ah, anything-goes martial arts twitch-fu. Most honourable."

Hysteria: ^-^ "Ooooh! Hysteria will make sure that Bean-poppa stays just Wedding Peachy for the next Omakefic! Cue Hysteria's kawaii little transformation scene-chan!"


        [The Omake theatre is abruptly terminated as the screen cracks apart due to extreme kawaii content. Just as well, since we would have just censored it for your brain's protection.]

On to Part 3

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