About an hour after the fanboys had split up and ventured into the wide, Milly Stone-screwed world, Dark Mayhem was still searching every last big-assed computer mainframe Anime had to offer. Omiokane was a bust, as were the Magi. The Wired had nothing, and Washu's super-computer was at a loss for an explanation.
"Well, this isn't too damned optimistic," he grumbled, pouring himself a Strawberry Daquirei.
As of late, what parts of the kitchen that he had been able to dig out from the panties couldn't be trusted for storing their food. The fridge had opened up into Cephiro, Megatokyo and Ohtori Academy's duelling arena, and none of them had any sort of sandwiches or Chinese take-out. Likewise, the pantry had first opened up into Hysteria's room, and then into Crayon Shin-chan's shorts.
After that last one, Dark Mayhem had lost his appetite.
Luckily enough though, he'd found the chilled Strawberry Daquirei by opening up the microwave. As he sipped his drink, Carnage came tripping out from Pesti-chan's room.
"Any luck?" Dark Mayhem asked.
Carnage shrugged. "Not much. I stumbled across the Fire River Temple, but Yuichiro hadn't seen Rei since early this morning. Then after that I walked right into Graviton High, only to notice the auspicious absence of A-ko, B-ko or Miss Ayumi."
"What about C-ko?"
At that question, Carnage winced. "Unfortunately she was still there wanting someone to eat her lunch, and I've got the stomach ache to prove it. But C-ko hasn't seen the others."
Dark Mayhem mulled that over while finding a comfortable spot on one of the couches. "That can't be good."
"Wait, there's more," Carnage added. "Just before I arrived here, I fell headfirst out of a locker in Furinkan High's girls locker room."
"Ouch. I can imagine that earned you quite the uber-glomping from ladies there."
"That's just it," Carnage said. "There were no ladies there. I found dozens of gym uniforms strewn about, but not girls. No Akane, no Ukyo. I managed to catch up with Ranma as he was trouncing Kuno, and he said there's been no sign of Shampoo, Nabiki or Kasumi either."
"My Kasumi-chan's gone missing too!" Desolation shrieked from where he sat amidst one of the panty piles.
Carnage glanced over at Desolation. "Um...what's he still doing here? Shouldn't he be lost or something?"
"Don't remind me," Dark Mayhem sighed. "What about Kodachi?"
"Oh, she was there all right," Carnage groaned. "Luckily enough, the knock-out powder she stuffed down my throat was counter-acted by C-ko's cooking. I also stumbled across Cologne too, and she didn't know where everyone had vanished to. It's not like Togenkyo Island's come back for another cameo."
The two glanced over to the front door as Ruckus strolled into the apartment.
"Well, I dropped into the Hinata Inn, and there were no ladies to be seen," he said with a sigh. Ruckus then hopped up to the ceiling and reclined himself next to the ceiling fan. "Naru and the others were all gone. Only a hapless Keitaro was there, and he was freaking out, thinking they'd all bee abducted by another of Suu's mecha-Tama's again."
"Anything else?" Desolation asked.
"Um...Wufei's a little claustrophobic when you try to straddle him in the Nataku's cockpit?"
Dark Mayhem, Desolation and Carnage promptly facevaulted.
"Anything that's NOT yaoi-related?" Carnage snapped.
Ruckus leaned back and considered it. "Hmm...come to think of it, Hiiro was getting worried since Relena had disappeared. And Lady Une and Noin were gone too. Though I bet Noin was going for a little 'six & nine action', ne? Poor Zechs just wastes it on the wrong gender."
Everyone turned their heads as Demolition came tromping in through the remains of the balcony door.
"Any luck with you?" Desolation asked.
Demolition shook his head. "Never found any of the Senshi. But the Nadesico's practically deserted. Ruri-chan, Yurika, the Howmei girls...every female officer on that ship's vanished. Akito and Jun are going nuts trying to figure out where they are. Not to mention Rabi-en-Rose and Puchiko are missing from the Gamerz store...though I did see Piroko and Dejiko bickering again."
"Looks like the Senshi aren't the only ladies to go missing in this fic," Dark Mayhem said. "They're disappearing all over the Aniverse."
The wall scroll going into Chaos room rippled, and out came Riot. "I found Shinji, Kaji and Gendo Ikari," Riot said. "But strangely enough there was no most honourable Misato, Rei or Asuka at Tokyo-3. And let me tell you, NERV isn't liking how two of its EVA pilots have most dishonourably vanished."
He then added, "Oh, and I also punched Gendo in the face for being such a most dishonourable asshole."
Fanboys: ^^v "Wai!"
Suddenly the door to Hysteria's room was flung open, a writhing mass of naughty tentacles belonging to the Yaoi Door flopping into the apartment. And trying desperately to escape were six SD Pesti-chans. With the help of a Dil Brand courtesy of Demolition and Carnage, the tentacles were pushed back into Hysteria's room and the door was slammed shut.
"Well, Hysteria's really going to be surprised when she goes into her room next time," Dark Mayhem remarked.
"You managed to find Sarcasm's room after all?" Demolition asked.
Still gasping for air, a recombobulated Pesti-chan nodded. "I lucked out. Opened the linen closet door in the bathroom, and there it was."
Ruckus snapped his fingers. "Dammit. I've been searching for that room for over an hour, and all I have to show for it is this signature from Saiyuki's Sanzo across my chest."
The other fanboys sweatdropped.
"So what did the bishounen brigade have to say?" Carnage asked.
"Even Sarcasm's gone missing," Pesti-chan said, wading carefully through the panties on the dining room floor. "They were playing a game of 'Hide and Go Lick the Bishie' with her. Everyone hid, and she never showed up to find and...er, indulge herself. From the looks of things in there, the whole harem's gone damn near suicidal at the loss of their mistress."
The fanboys sighed and all found a place to sit. Riot and Pesti-chan found chairs at the dining room table, while Dark Mayhem stayed at the computer. Desolation was content to stay sitting in the panties, while Demolition lounged on one of the couches. Carnage opted to lean against one of the walls he knew wouldn't open up to some horrid world like Sasami's bedroom.
Moments later, Chaos emerged from a bowl of porridge on the dining room table, and was instantly hauled up to the ceiling by Ruckus.
"No Senshi, no fangirls, and most of Anime's female characters are gone too," Demolition said. "I know my Invisible Boyfriend Syndrome's pretty bad, but it's never been this effective."
"But why are some women still here then?" Pesti-chan countered. "That part doesn't make any sense."
Desolation tried to glance over at Dark Mayhem, but really couldn't with all the panties blocking his line of sight. So he removed his head from his neck and hoisted it up to where he could catch a glimpse of the uber exploder fanboy.
"What about Havoc or Chaos?" the Deso-head asked. "Did they have any luck?"
Pesti: >.< "Oh, that's just wrong!"
Chaos: [eyebrow twitch!] "His severed spinal column is swaying back and forth like a pendulum...(o.O;;) I think I'm going to be sick!"
Trying not to pay premature homage to the porcelain god of the series, Chaos raced into the bathroom. Seconds later the other fanboys heard him scream, "KYAAAAAAAA!!! What am I doing in the Akiocar?!"
To which Akio was heard to say, "No, not on the upholstery! How can I show you the End of the World if you yarf on the upholstery!"
"Anyhoo," Dark Mayhem said as he consulted his watch. "Havoc should be here soon. If anyone can track down women, he can."
Carnage pulled out a Beam rifle. "Hmmm...if Havoc isn't here soon enough, the sun will be down. I'll have to switch to infrared then."
Everyone else sweatdropped.
"Well it doesn't hurt to be prepared!" Carnage protested.
"Not unless you're the victim," Pesti-chan muttered aside to Chaos, who managed to flop out from the freezer door. "Ne, did you have any luck with your search?"
Chaos sighed and cleaned some flakes of ice off his shirt. "Usagi's parents haven't seen her all day and thought she was with the other Inners. Oh, and the three Priestesses, Nanami, Ifurita and Princess Fatima are gone from El Hazard...though Alliele was still around and not liking that fact."
"Anything else?" Riot inquired.
Chaos nodded and plunked himself down amidst the panties, right next to Desolation. "Well, after trying to get through the front door of the Bugrom Hive, I wound up somewhere inside the Four Gods Sky & Earth book. Wouldn't you know it? Miaka's still there, whining away, but Yui and Soi have vanished too. Nakago looked ready to kill something."
Everyone turned to Desolation.
"Oh sure, everybody pick on the 'Wu'," Desolation huffed.
"And then I got to ride in that student council elevator at Ohtori Academy," Chaos added. "Juri, Wakaba and Utena were gone, but I had to contend with Anthy and Nanami. And I got clobbered by a runaway boxing kangaroo! But he managed to knock me back here so it's all good!"
Chaos was then subsequently smited as Havoc came flying out from the wall scroll.
"Planet Hentai is deserted!" Havoc shrieked. "Oh sure, Mary's still there, but she's just way too testosterone-enriched! There's no bosoms anywhere! Not a shred of fanservice to be glimpsed! Cauldina's panties here in my hands have become my sole oasis in a desert of G-rated Anime!"
A moment later the panties vanished.
"Argh! Curse you and your panties of illusion, Cauldina!" Havoc decried, shaking his fist at the heavens. "From hell's heart, I perv at thee!"
"Well, good to see you're taking the lack of XX chromosomes in this fic all in good stride, Havoc," Pesti-chan dryly remarked, pouring himself some Hard Lemonade.
"And the employees aren't taking it very well either," Havoc sighed. "I've had what's left of the Benkyo Brigade out searching for hours in the Pervmobile, but they haven't found any female at all. NinNin's been trying to crossdress just to cheer me up, and that sure as hell isn't working. And my naughty tentacle monster masseuses have no one to massage!"
The apartment went dead silent.
"You...have naughty tentacle monster masseuses?" Chaos said.
Havoc nodded. "Doesn't everyone?"
"No, no they don't," Chaos said, ardently shaking his head.
"Okay, so what's going on here?" Carnage said. "Every Anime universe we've stumbled across, most of the females are missing. Yet some are still around just to annoy us. That doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Why take most of the Anime women and leave the rest behind?"
Then Havoc was heard to lament, "Havoc needs his fanservice! Where the hell did all the Anime babes go?"
"That's it!" Demolition said, snapping his fingers. "Anime babes! Someone's been kidnapping all the babes of Anime, and leaving the annoying ones behind. Why else would we see Kodachi, C- ko, Nanami and Mary around when everyone else is gone?"
Chaos sweatdropped. "Ano...suddenly that makes me a little worried about Hotaru."
"Don't look at me," Dark Mayhem replied. "I didn't have her number in the listing."
"You're the only one with Haruka and Michiru's number, Chaos," Pesti-chan said. "You tried calling her yet?"
Chaos flashed them an incredulous look. "I walk into the belly of an Angel, and you expect me to be able to find a phone there?"
"Actually, you can get good reception around Gaghiel's ascending colon," Desolation offered.
And so Chaos tried calling Haruka and Michiru's residence. The phone rang a few times, and then a woman's cheerful, automated voice came on: 'We are sorry, but the girl you have tried to dial has been kidnapped and is not there to take your call. Please hang up and try again if you survive the impending apocalypse.'
With a sigh of relief, Chaos hung up the receiver and turned to the others. "Good news!" he announced. "We don't have to worry at all. Hotaru hasn't vanished like everyone else; she's just been kidnapped! Oh, and something about the end of the world too. And here I was ready to start panicking."
The rest of the fanboys could only stare at him with deadpan expressions.
"You *couldn't* be that stupid," Pesti-chan stated in disbelief.
Carnage sat up in his chair and hauled out his Zanba sword. "If Hotaru's been kidnapped too, I'm willing to bet she's been taken to wherever the other Anime babes are being held captive," he said. "I say we kick ass first, ask questions pertaining to the plot later."
Desolation leapt to his feet. "Come on, guys! We've got hordes of Anime hotties to rescue!"
He was instantly clobbered by a Puchuu bear.
Puchuu: >o< "There go the tap-dancing lessons!"
Desolation: -.-;; "Eat pomegranates of doom, you twerp."
"Not to use my burst-fu on your most honourable bubble," Riot interjected. "But how are we to rescue them if we haven't even been able to find them?"
"Daijobu," Dark Mayhem said, patting Havoc on the back. "We've got our own babe radar right here. Carnage, we'll need you to set us up with something for transport."
Carnage grinned. "Gotcha. I have just the thing."
He reached into the broom closet...and hauled out Haruko's yellow Vespas motorcycle from FLCL. Carnage sweatdropped and let out a nervous laugh. "Um...wrong mecha. Give me a sec, I'm sure I can find it here somewhere."
Out from the broom closet came a Brain mecha, a kappa doll, about six 12-packs of Pocari Sweat, and Chaos.
Carnage: [sweatdrop!] "What the--? You were in the living room a second ago! How the hell did you get in there?"
Chaos: o.O;; "I have no idea."
"Kuso!!!" Carnage exclaimed. "I refuse to save the day in a Vespas and not a Gundam!!"
"The Milly Stone must really be enjoying this," Chaos sighed.
Ruckus scratched his head with one of his shuriken darts and then dropped back onto the floor. "Ne, has anyone even bothered trying to destroy that thing and restore some sort of continuity to the fic?"
Dark Mayhem thumbed over to the empty coffee table. "It vanished when all of our scenes got scrambled. I have no idea where the hell it's hiding now."
"You guys could just use the Hindenboob, if you want," Havoc said. "I've got it parked down on the street in front of the apartment."
Pesti-chan glanced down at the small Vespas they would all have to dogpile upon, and then looked back at the Chichiri grin on Havoc's face. "I vote the zeppelin."
"Hai!" chimed in Chaos, Desolation, Ruckus and Desolation.
Riot and Demolition just shrugged.
Carnage could only glare at Havoc. "We're going to save the day in one of your perverted machines? Not a chance!"
With one final reach into the broom closet, Carnage succeeded in dragging out one of the most enormous mecha units that fanboys had ever seen. Of course, since it went straight through the ceiling they could barely see over the mobile suit's heavy-duty boots, but they were impressive heavy-duty boots never the less.
"Aha!" Carnage exclaimed. "Behold, Escafanboy, Mk. V!! Now fully equipped with all the latest weapons, plus it has the Epyon Gundam's dragon transformation! With it's special rear armour composed of rows of beam sabers for spines, its quad-heavy gatling gun pod, double heavy Buster rifle, and Galaxy Gun hidden in the chestpiece and two Gravity Blast Generators flanking the Galaxy Gun, there's nothing on this planet that can stop it! Let's see Mihoshi take this one out by accident!"
With that, Carnage climbed into the cockpit and primed the imposing mecha.
The fanboys all leaned back as Escafanboy, Mk. V stiffened, its operating lights flashing on. There were loud whirs of gears and hisses of pressurized air.
"It really does look imposing," Chaos said to Dark Mayhem.
Dark Mayhem nodded. "Too bad it hasn't moved for five minutes. He called up to Carnage, "What's wrong? Your Shizuma Drive run out of juice again?"
There were a few moments of awkward silence.
Then Carnage said, "Um...I don't really know how to tell you guys this and still save face. Um...I can't start Escafanboy. The activation lever...I can't reach it!"
All of the fanboys stared up at the mecha, and then broke out into hysterical laughter.
"Shut up!" Carnage snapped, climbing out. "How was I supposed to know the cockpit was that cramped because of all the weapons systems on it?"
So in the end, the fanboys opted to take the Hindenboob. Of course, there was the small problem of figuring out how to get to the street outside when they had no way of knowing where they'd end up after opening any of the doors in their apartment. Taking a risk, they decided to venture into Pesti-chan's bedroom and work their way from there.
Meanwhile, up in Sarcasm's room, the bishies were completely distraught at her disappearance. Most of them were moping around, while an obsessed handful were frantically scurrying around the room trying to find her.
"I should have been a better security guard!" Griffith lamented. "I am no longer fit to wait on her hand and foot!"
That said, he flung himself out the nearest window.
"Forgive me, Sarcasm-hime!" Count D exclaimed, following Griffith's lead and jumping out the window too.
"May we be united on the other side!" Narsus added, crashing through another window.
Pretty soon the entire bishie harem was launching themselves through the windows.
And down at the bottom of the street, the fanboys stepped out from a sewer manhole in search of the Senshi...not to mention any cutie with a XX chromosome. Suddenly Zelgadis came plummeting down, crashing through the sidewalk and nearly taking out Pesti-chan in the process. Even more harem members came dropping like sacks of wet cement!
Chaos: [looking up] "What the? Pretty-boys are falling from the skies."
Riot: [sidestepping Aburetsubo] "Hmm...most ominous. It's raining bishies."
Ruckus: v^-^v [frolicking about!] "HALLELUJAH!!"
"I admit I'm surprised to find a Sailor Senshi, of all women, suddenly becoming so delighted with me," Hargen remarked as he strolled towards his private quarters. He smirked and glanced back at Hotaru, who was still flanked by two Blue Delmo girls. "However, you've certainly proven yourself by the way you eliminated that annoying fanboy."
Hotaru licked her lips and grinned. "My pleasure, Hargen- sama. I just hope I can give you pleasure in other...more interesting ways."
"I'm sure you will," Hargen agreed.
The entourage reached the doors to his cabin, and Hargen dismissed the Blue Delmo's. "Come on into my chambers," he said, opening the door and gesturing for Hotaru to walk in. As she passed him by, he grabbed her butt and squeezed it hard.
Hotaru's entire body tensed in ecstasy, and she let out a soft moan.
The captain's chambers were dimly lit, its furniture elegant and extravagant. Hotaru immediately spotted the four-poster bed and headed right for it. She sat down on the silk sheets, her knees up, letting Hargen glimpse another perfect view of her blue panties. He slowly made his way towards her, and one of his hands drifted up along her legs, resting against her inner thigh.
"You are so beautiful," Hargen murmured into her ear, nibbling a little on her lobe. "And you're all mine. I can't wait to break you in."
Hotaru reached down to the ends of her shirt and started to pull it up over her head. "Why wait?" she purred. "I'm so wet just thinking about you, Hargen-sama, that it's driving me insane. I need you inside of me."
Her shirt was carelessly tossed aside on the floor, revealing her matching blue bra. Hargen smiled as he caressed her breasts, his lips moving closer towards hers. Hotaru took the initiative, grabbing him and pulling their mouths together, her tongue twirling around with Hargen's.
Hargen pushed her down onto the bed, his hands roaming over her chest.
"Let me see you in your sailor fuku," Hargen said as he ran his tongue up and down her bellybutton. "I've got a thing for hotties in that kind of outfit."
"But Hargen-sama," Hotaru panted, her voice dripping with lust. "I can't transform with this collar around my neck inhibiting my powers."
"I can fix that," Hargen replied.
He reached into one of his uniform's pockets and pressed something. The collar around Hotaru's neck abruptly came apart, falling amidst the sheets. Hotaru smiled and sat up, ready to use her henshin.
Suddenly the doors to Hargen's cabin were broken down, revealing Chaos and Desolation standing in the hallway!
"Please tell me this is a bathroom!" Chaos exclaimed, his legs crossed and twitching fiercely.
He froze as he saw Hargen sitting on the bed, with a half- nekkid Hotaru sitting on the covers.
"Oh, that's just plain wrong," Desolation stated, clapping his hands over his eyes. "This mental picture's going to haunt me for a month!"
In that moment, one of the gears inside Chaos' head could be heard to come to a screeching halt and then pop right out of his ear. "YOU!!!" Chaos snarled, glaring at Hargen. "What, are you doing with my Hotaru-chan, buddy?!"
"Something a little boy such as yourself will never have the balls to, I'm betting," Hargen coolly replied. "Now if you'll excuse us, Hotaru-chan and I have a lemon scene to finish up. I'll send my Blue Delmo's along to dispatch you, whomever you are."
"Okay, that's it!" Chaos snapped. "Hargen, you and your incestuous ass are so fucking dead! I'm going to take this Puchuu bear--"
Puchuu: ^-^ "Puchuu?"
"--and shove it right up your little, pansy--"
Suddenly the Cream Lemon tidal wave came surging down the corridor, washing Chaos and Desolation away with it! Hargen and Hotaru just sat in the safety of the bedroom, watching as waves upon waves of whipped cream flooded past them.
"Who was that idiot anyways?" Hargen asked finally.
"My boyfriend," Hotaru sighed, shaking her head. "Baka Chaos- chan...."
"You know," Dark Mayhem casually remarked to Demolition. "Usually when a foxy Anime babe feels me up, I'm quite flattered."
To: "His lordship Chaos"
Subject : You May Have Noticed your Place looking Emptier....
Date : Fri, 25 Oct 2002 22:29:22 -0700
Amanda "Bean Goddess" Anderson: [in the hot tub] "So, naturally Quistis wanted to shoot a few more outtakes, but I told her 'If you want ecchi hijinks, we're going to make it into a full fic.' She said she'd think about it. Ne, Masayo-chan, would you please be a dear and get me another bottle of plum wine?"
Masayo-chan: [kawaii writing assistant extraordinaire!] "Right away, Mamegami-sama! Would you like some more miniature pizzas while I'm up?"
Beans: ^^ "Excellent idea. Anything for you, Nightbreak?"
Nightbreak: ^^ "Doing fine, thank you. Ne, Yui-chan?"
[Cue Yui working on the Keeper of the Chaosfics's lower back.]
Yui: [sigh!] "You'd be doing even better if you listened to me about your posture."
Nightbreak: "All in good time, Yui-chan. Now, Yuu-chan, we're going to take the fic to another level here. The Otaku's Court, with Judge Juri, all right? And make sure to get the Four Gods Sky and Earth, Goddesses Urd, Skuld & Belldandy, Phibrizio and Shabranigdo, and Beans' Lake & Wind gods on the jury."
Yuu: [typetypetypetype!] "Hai, Nightbreak-sama!"
Beans: ^^ "Ohayo, Chaos-baka! You'll notice we still have your kawaii female writing team at our collective disposal. You have yet to accede to our demands, which are as follows:"
1) Never chase after the lake god again. The kawaii writing staff will remain in our custody until I am assured that no further... transgressions...take place.
2) You will only cross dress every other Wednesday on even numbered months during the full moon.
3) You must be part of Quistis' whip show while wearing a Delmo dress.
If any attempt by you or the Fanboys is made to retrieve the writing staff I will send out Noir. Don't press your luck fanboy. Soldats has given me a frequent customer discount card if that tells you anything. And if Noir fails, SeeDs never do.
Beans & Nightbreak: [clink!] "Kanpai!"
Demolition huffed and crossed his arms across his chest. "At least you're getting felt up, Newt-boy."
"Will you two be quiet already?" a Blue Delmo officer snapped as she searched Dark Mayhem for any hidden weapons. Satisfied that Dark Mayhem was unarmed, and completely ignorant of the giant sword strapped over Demolition's back (namely because she was fairly ignorant of Demolition, period), she called in a report on her headset. "This is Blue Delmo squad Four. We've captured two of the intruders near Mess Hall B."
"Excellent," crackled Hargen's voice over the headset, loud enough that Dark Mayhem and Demolition could hear. "Dispose of them and continue your search. There are still more on the loose, judging from the reports coming in."
The Blue Delmo stepped back and levelled her gun barrel with Dark Mayhem's crotch. "Hai, Hargen-sama."
"Any ideas on how to get out of this?" Demolition muttered to Dark Mayhem.
Still unnervingly calm, Dark Mayhem nodded. "Ducking would be a good idea," he remarked, and then dropped to the ground.
Demolition's eyes widened and he dropped to the floor alongside Dark Mayhem.
The stunned Blue Delmo's didn't even have the chance to ask what the two fanboys were doing; two enormous grey wolves straight from Mononoke Hime came charging around the corner, bounding over Dark Mayhem & Demolition, and bowling aside the Blue Delmo's. With a loud baying howl, the wolves tore Desolation in half, flung his severed torsos around, and then took off down the hall.
"Ah, non-sequitur sight gags," Dark Mayhem sighed wistfully as he got back up. "You have to adore them in these fics." He glanced over to Desolation, who was busy sewing his severed halves back together. "What are you doing here anyways, Deso?"
Demolition nodded in agreement. "I thought you went with Chaos and Pesti-chan."
Sniffled Desolation, "I did. I can't seem to get lost anymore. I wind up in every scene and I don't know how I do it."
Dark Mayhem and Demolition looked at each other and sighed, "The Milly Stone."
They looked around the corridor, but all the Delmo's had been knocked out after the wolf stampede.
"Where to now?" Desolation asked.
"Well, going elsewhere before they regain consciousness might a good idea," Demolition said.
Suddenly bullets started zipping all around them.
The three fanboys spun around, and saw that another squadron of Blue Delmo's had just rounded the bend right after the wolves. At the risk of stating the obvious, Dark Mayhem, Demolition and Desolation ran like hell through the labyrinth of corridors.
"In there!" Demolition said, pointing to a set of double doors to their left. "We can hide in there, I'm sure of it!"
"Are you absolutely sure about that?" Desolation asked.
Demolition grinned and quickened his pace. "My internal maps are never wrong. I've been able to navigate entire continents and hellish Final Fantasy mazes without ever making a wrong turn before in my life! No one will ever find us in--"
The three fanboys burst through the doors...and right into Mess Hall B, which was swarming with Delmo girls of all colours and ranks.
"--here," Demolition finished, a sweatdrop appearing next to his head.
Dark Mayhem and Desolation slowly turned to Demolition, thoroughly annoyed looks on their faces. "Baka," they said.
Within three seconds of their abrupt entrance, all the Delmo girls leapt from their tables and trained their guns at the trio of fanboys. Demolition managed a grin and drew his Sword of Light. "Ara ara," he remarked wryly. "If you've gotta go, you might as well go down raking in those Experience Points. Ne?"
He glanced back at Dark Mayhem and Desolation.
The two immediately held up their hands. "We surrender," they chorused.
A number of Blue Delmo's marched up to them and motioned with their gun barrels for the three fanboys to shuffle sideways into one of the corners. Dark Mayhem paused as he walked over, noting something very familiar about one of the Delmo girls ready to kill him.
"Ne," he murmured. "Take a look at that one girl on the left. Isn't that Rei?"
Sure enough, one of the Blue Delmo's was in fact none other than Rei Hino.
"And here I always thought the colour red suited her better," Desolation remarked.
Demolition risked a glance at the crowded cafeteria. "Not only that, but take a look at the other Delmo girls here. I recognize over half of them! There's Misato and Juri in the back....and Rurippe next to Rei."
"That has to be Ceres in the Black Demo outfit in the cafeteria line-up," Desolation added. "And Blue Delmo Miyu's busy chatting with Blue Delmo Asuka?!"
"Anyone else here notice that Shinobu and the Howmei girls are the Pink Delmo's behind the serving counter?" Dark Mayhem said.
Demolition warily glanced back at the weapons trained on them, and tightened the grip on his Sword of Light. "Shimatta, I can't disarm this many girls. If they were all goblins or rock golems, this would be over in ten seconds. Why the hell are they suddenly working for a genuine, Akio-level freak like Hargen, anyways?"
"Could be any number of things," Dark Mayhem said. "Brain washing; mind control collars; our author finally losing what was left of his sanity."
"Urusai!" Blue Delmo Naru snapped. "Enough talking. Hargen- sama's commanded you to be killed on sight, so now it's time for you to die."
Dark Mayhem snapped his fingers. "Darn. No good-bye kiss?"
Blue Delmo Naru got rather indignant at that and punched him straight through the wall and into the next room. The other Blue Delmo's turned their weapons towards the remaining two fanboys.
"Daijobu," Desolation said. "Odds are all their bullets will just riddle my body anyways."
"Where's a life-saving non-sequitur gag when you need one?" Demolition sighed.
Suddenly and without warning, who should burst through the far doors of Mess Hall B but Havoc!
"Hotcha!" he exclaimed, going all teary-eyed upon seeing the masses of ladies assembled before him. "Panties! Panties for Havoc! Glorious silken treasures! Must have them all!"
And off he bounded, dodging all their fire as he stripped the Delmo girls nekkid table by table. The irate (not to mention fanservicing) Delmo girls completely forgot about Desolation and Demolition as they all shrieked and declared total war on Havoc.
Desolation and Demolition watched Havoc bound on past them, nekkid & irate Delmo girls giving chase. Within seconds the entire mess hall was cleared out.
"You know," Desolation absently remarked. "With the way he's impossible to catch, single-minded and works like a natural disaster, you'd think Havoc was actually a Clow card. I can just see the scroll beneath his picture reading, 'The Hentai'." He shrugged. "All I can say is that I pity the idiot who tries to capture him."
One of Demolition's eyebrows went up. "Sixty thousand Yen says I can."
"You're on," Dark Mayhem said as he pulled himself out from the hole in the wall.
With a grin, Demolition tore off his shirt and hauled out his Sword of Light. "Ladies, here comes the hero!" he exclaimed, tromping down the corridor after the Delmo girls. And naturally, in the wake of his Invisible Boyfriend Syndrome, no one even noticed either Demolition or Dark Mayhem.
"Who needs an invisibility spell when you've got a cursed fanboy to toy with?" Dark Mayhem snickered as he & Desolation sauntered down the corridor after the mob.
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"You know," Dark Mayhem casually remarked to Demolition. "Usually when a foxy Anime babe feels me up, I'm quite flattered."