Things were not going very well for Carnage. Over the course of the entire latter half of the fic, he'd been stripped nekkid much like Raiden from Movie Gear Solid 2, and been forced to run through the corridors & disarming the Delmo girls on guard with nekkid bishie flips!
Carnage: -.-;; "I'll never live this down. Thank Kami-sama that Ruckus hasn't found me yet."
As he went streaking down the corridors, his hands strategically placed over his own personal Deathscythe Hell Custom, Carnage stumbled across Desolation, who was busy reclining on a patio table and drinking a Goldenboy Cadillac.
"Hey, Carnage!" Desolation called out, waving Carnage over. "How've you been?"
Carnage tossed a cautionary glance over his shoulder. "I think I lost Blue Delmo Kekko Kamen back there," he said between gasps for air. "And all I can say is that these metal corridors are freezing! I'm going to catch a cold at this rate!"
"It's not that cold, is it?" Desolation asked.
Carnage let out a helpless sigh. "Doesn't matter. All Anime characters are easily susceptible to cliche-timed colds and anaemia, regardless of who they are. You could sit in a puddle for five seconds and catch a violent cold! It could be a nice, cool spring day, but one sneeze and you become anaemic & then pass out melodramatically on the sidewalk!"
Suddenly from within the depths of the ship, a loud chorus of girlish giggles and stampeding feet could be heard. Cries of, "Carnage-samaaaaaa!" echoed down the corridors.
"Oh no, not again," Carnage groaned. "I thought that giant Carnage plushie in the bathroom would stall them for longer than that."
[Cue Ruckus bounding across the ceiling, a giant Carnage plushie in his hands!]
Ruckus: v^-^v "Score!"
Carnage: -.-;; "I detest that ninja."
"You know," Desolation remarked. "If all those Anime babes love and adore you now thanks to your disorder, why not lead them to storm Hargen's bridge?"
"Because that would make too much sense in a fic like this," Carnage replied evenly. "Plus I'm also naked. They'd forget all about the revolting the second they'd get within glomping or fondling distance. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go hide."
He quickly scanned the hallway and found one door waiting not five steps away.
"Oh, and if any of those babes ask," he added over his shoulder as he headed towards the door. "I'm off on some top-secret mission for OZ. Ne?"
"Um...you may not want to go in there," Desolation said, taking another sip of his drink.
"Well, I've got to hide somewhere," Carnage replied. "So I'm going to open this door!"
Carnage flung upon the door, only to discover a room filled to the ceiling with Cream Lemon, and Golden Delmo legs flailing about everywhere. And moulded right into the whipped cream at the doorway was Desolation.
Desolation: ^-^ "I'd rather you didn't!"
[Cue the Cream Lemon tsunami being unleashed, and flooding the corridor!]
Carnage: [being washed away in whipped cream!] "USOOOOOOO!!!"
Havoc: ^^v [on a surfboard with Ifurita!] "Hotcha! Baby got bounce!"
The Hindenboob ramming into the Holy Fox resulted in the Hindenboob's bridge smashing right through the hull, and into some of the lower decks of Hargen's ship. But luckily for the fanboys since Havoc was aboard, the second the bridge was torn to pieces, Havoc detonated into a big, cushy Cream Lemon tidal wave that flooded the corridors of Hargen's ship.
A number of hapless Black and Pink Delmo's were swept away in the process too.
Once the Cream Lemon tsunami lost its momentum and came to a stop, the fanboys' heads popped out from the bubbles of whipped cream.
"Subtle, Havoc," Dark Mayhem dryly remarked.
"Domo!" Havoc replied, his head emerging between two Delmo girl's legs sticking up in the air.
Chaos emerged complete with scuba gear and flippers. "Good thing I've been a part of the Sploot phenomenon enough times to come prepared."
"What about your speargun?" Dark Mayhem asked.
Chaos waved that aside. "Awww, why would I need a thing like that?"
Seconds later, a swarm of mecha piranhas leapt out from the whipped cream and pounced on Chaos.
Chaos: o.O;; "KYAAAAAAA!!!! They've got my arms! And legs! And face! And sexy ass!"
As Chaos thrashed about beneath the surface of the Cream Lemon, Demolition rolled his eyes and sauntered out, brushing off clumps of whipped cream from his armour. "Somehow when this all began, I thought we'd have a more dramatic entrance. Ne, anyone see where Riot disappeared to?"
"I'm over here," Riot said, seated upon a lifeguard's raised chair. He stared down into the depths of the Cream Lemon and the yanked a fishing pole out from his sleeves. The other fanboys sweatdropped as Riot cast his line into the whipped cream.
"Do I even want to know?" Ruckus asked, clinging comfortably to the wall just above the Cream Lemon line.
Riot's line went taut, and he gave a sharp yank on his fishing rod. The line came soaring out from the Cream Lemon, six SD Pesti-chans tenaciously clinging to it as they gasped for air. "Ah, I think I've caught my most honourable limit," Riot remarked with a grin.
"Okay, so we've managed to board this stupid, flying tin can," Carnage said as he waded out to shallower cream. "Now what?"
He sweatdropped as Desolation stumbled on by, the hapless lost fanboy flailing about.
Desolation: ;_; "I got Cream Lemon up my nose, and it's oozing out my eyeballs!"
Carnage: [gyaaaaa!] "Now there's an unnecessarily vivid mental image."
"Okay, I think our next course of action is perfectly and most honourably obvious," Riot said, clapping his hands dry. "We must storm the ship, subdue the most honourably scantily-clad Delmo girls with our smite-fu, and then take over the bridge and make that most dishonourable Hargen's head gush blood like a fire hydrant! Only together can we accomplish this daunting mission!"
He turned around...only to find the corridor deserted save for the Cream Lemon.
Riot sighed and shook his head. "Most dishonourable idiots."
"See any more Delmo girls behind us?" Pesti-chan asked over his shoulder as he and Desolation raced through the seemingly endless maze of corridors.
Desolation gripped his head between his hands, and snapped it around. A loud and rather grisly "crack!" came from his spine, causing Pesti-chan to shudder. "Ano...I think we lost them," Desolation remarked, snapping his head back around to its proper position. "Ah, it's good to know that when you're a 'Wu', the human head can indeed turn 180 degrees!"
The two skidded to a stop as they hit yet another intersection, nearly colliding with Demolition and Dark Mayhem.
"Yo," Dark Mayhem said. "How've you guys been?"
"Been better, admittedly," Pesti-chan replied. "It's sort of hard to enjoy yourself when you keep getting shot at."
Demolition glanced over at Desolation. "And I see you haven't been able to fade back into obscurity again."
"Not for a lack of trying, I assure you," Desolation sighed, shaking his head. "I don't think there's a scene I haven't been in since this whole damn Milly Stone thing screwed up the omakefic."
A katana blade suddenly erupted out from one of the walls, neatly cutting a door the perfect size for Riot to step out through. "Ah, most honourable entrance-fu," he remarked, rather proud of his flawless effort. "My years of making most honourable origami cranes on the raging shores paid off after all!"
"Ooooh," came Ruckus' voice from above their heads. "I'd have loved to have seen you all soaked in a Speedo, Riot-cutie!"
Seconds later, Ruckus dropped down from the ceiling, glomping right onto Pesti-chan's back.
Ruckus: ^-^ "Oh, I know someone who's all sweaty from running around this ship! What say I help wash your back in the shower room, ne?"
Pesti: o.O; [ack!] "Knock it off, you perverted ninja! I only just got myselves back together two scenes ago!"
"Hey guys," Demolition said, pointing down another corridor. "Incoming."
The fanboys all turned around, and who should be staggering their way, a freshly opened bottle of Sake in one hand and a spent Uzi machine gun in the other, but Nena. Nena glared at them as they blocked her path. "You're not my beloved Hargen onii-sama," she slurred.
"I'm also not Aya Hisakawa either," Dark Mayhem glibly replied. "But you don't see me crying over it."
That didn't seem to put Nena in any better a mood. "Where is he?" she snarled, staggering back and forth. "Where is my beloved onii-san? Have you tried to steal him away from me?!"
"Excuse me, but do we look like Akio?" Demolition snapped.
Ruckus snorted indignantly. "Please, woman! Your brother uses far too much foundation, his hair has split ends, he has far too many fetishes, and his clothing selection would make even the Not- so-cool Fashion Boy cringe."
Fanboys: [sweatdrop!] "A-Ano...."
Ruckus: "Well, it's true."
"Ne, do you guys think we could take Nena hostage and use her as leverage for getting our Anime babes back?" Demolition asked.
Desolation shrugged. "Depends. Would anyone here want to actually have to touch Nena?"
The fanboys stared at each other, and then sighed.
"Hai hai," the chorused.
Nena huffed and took another gulp from her giant bottle of Sake. "Hmph! You boys have no idea how truly sexy I am!"
"No, but we certainly know how most dishonourably scary you are," Riot added.
Pesti-chan lifted his head, straining to hear some vague, distant noise. "Hey, guys," he said. "Does anyone else hear some sort of low rumble?"
Riot sagely nodded. "It has been growing louder for the past few minutes, and seems to have originated from the bowels of the ship, though my listen-fu skills cannot tell me what it might be."
He glanced back at Dark Mayhem, who was busy sliding into a large inner tube.
Riot: "Ano...what is that for?"
Dark Mayhem: "Comedic if not ironic timing."
[Cue the Cream Lemon tsunami crashing through the hallway, sweeping Nena & the fanboys away!!]
Elsewhere on the ship, dozens of Anime babes were locked away in their holding cells, awaiting a most horrid fate. Namely being brainwashed into thinking that Hargen was anything like Hotohori or Aoshi or even Masaru. Most of them were either sitting dejectedly on their cots, or pacing their cells and looking like restless lionesses.
Originally there had been little resistance, as each Anime babe who'd been kidnapped had been rendered unconscious. One by one they had awoken in the cells, joined soon by others sharing the same abductors. And most notably, they were all wearing special collars designed to keep them in line.
An initial insurrection, led by Faye Valentine, had been crushed easily by a handful of Black Delmo girls. And given how easily any Black Delmo can be defeated, the humiliation alone quelled any further rebellions from the prisoners. Now there were about six or so Black Delmo girls patrolling the brig. Regularly a small garrison of Blue Delmo's would appear and lead an Anime babe off, the girl never to be seen again.
"I hate waiting," Relena Peacecroft muttered as she stood with her back to one of the prison walls. "They should just reprogram me and get the damned thing over with."
"Don't talk like that!" snapped Card Captor Sakura from where she had curled up into a ball on one of the cots. "We'll get out of this, I'm sure! We...we have to."
Vandread pilot Dita shivered at their future job prospects. "I don't want to become a Delmo. I just know I don't have enough moxy to get anywhere above a Black Delmo ranking."
Mihoshi glanced over at Ami, who was busy prying open a panel on Ryoko's collar. "Ne, Ami-chan, what are you doing?"
"There's got to be a way to get these stupid inhibitor- collars off," Tiara replied. "They're the only reason none of us can use any of our special powers. I would have gone Shamanic Princess and kicked ass by now otherwise. Any luck, Ami?"
Fiddling around with some of the collar's inner circuitry with a few hairpins, Ami shook her head. "Not much. Ne, where are the guards?"
Arashi, one of X's Seven Seals, casually leaned her head closer to the bars and appraised the area. "Still milling about at the end of the hallway. They seem to be having a problem with Sana-chan and Poemi getting too hyper and short-circuiting their collars."
"They're probably having enough problems as it is with those intruders, from what I've been able to gather," Mai Shiranui added. "I've been able to catch scattered bits of conversation. From the sounds of it, all hell's breaking loose up there. Flying cows, rampaging perverts, and apparently a group of Delmo's have defected and are swearing total allegiance to some guy named Carnage."
"So if they're here to rescue us, what are we still doing locked up?" Relena inquired somewhat scathingly.
JunJun sighed. "They're fanboys. We might be here for a while yet."
"Hey!" piped up Desolation as he sat up from one of the other cots. "We're not *that* useless. At the very least, we're proving to be brilliant diversions."
All the ladies stopped and turned to Desolation.
"Just how exactly did you get in here?" Twilight Suzuka said.
Desolation: [shrug!] "Long and convoluted plot device. You have an extra page?"
Arashi: "Definitely not. This turkey's already taking too long."
"I swear," Ryoko snarled, punching her fist into her palm. "I'm going to fetch Tenchi and have him stick his Wings of the Lighthawk right up this Hargen guy's--"
"Ryoko, don't fidget so much!" Ami scolded her. "You might set something off in your collar."
Yui sighed and tried to find a more comfortable spot to sit on the floor. "I'd have summoned Seiryu by now and made a wish for Hargen to get turned into a Koopa in a Super Mario Brothers game."
She glanced over at one of the other cell members who had been almost disturbingly quiet since being shoved into their prison. "Daijobu, Hotaru-chan?"
"She's been like that since Haruka and Michiru were led away," Ami said.
"Should we just let her be like that, then?" Sango asked.
Hotaru continued watching the Black Delmo girls with narrowed eyes, her arms crossed over her chest. Eventually she turned her head to the others and stated, "I'm getting us out of here."
"But," Magic Knight Umi cut in. "Shouldn't we wait for Chaos and the others to...rescue...er, point."
Hotaru nodded. "If I know my Chaos-chan, he's going to need my help. I'm not about to let him get hurt, not by these girls."
"So just what do you plan on doing, Hotaru?" Arashi asked.
Hotaru winked at the others. "Simple. I've got two weapons that will take down any Anime guy." And with that she pointed down at her bosoms. "If I can get to Hargen, I can seduce him long enough to get him to remove this collar. Then I transform into Sailor Saturn and shove my Silence Glaive where his fansubs don't shine."
"Too dicey," Desolation countered. "Hotaru, what if he decides to go lemon-scented on you and doesn't remove your collar? I cringe at the thought of him touching any of us, personally."
"I say she should go for it," Priss Asigiri said. "She's got the spunk and the cleavage."
Ami shook her head. "I agree with Deso. There's too much risk involved. Hargen might brainwash you first anyways and then have his way with you, Hotaru. We need to think of something else, ne?"
Hotaru's response came in the form of hailing one of the Black Delmo's to come over. "I've decided," she stated emphatically to their guard. "I want to join the Delmo's."
The other Anime babes in the cell with her looked as stunned as the Black Delmo.
"Hotaru, have you lost your mind?" Tiara exclaimed.
Hotaru shook her head. "I think I'm starting to understand why you ladies love Hargen-sama so much," she told the Black Delmo, sighing happily. "His bold charisma; his calm attitude; his raw sex appeal; his orgasmic use of lavender hair dye." She strained against the bars. "Well, I want to be a part of that. I want to be a part of Hargen's world. And I know he'd want a young woman like me to be a part of his forces. I have power beyond his imagining...."
The Black Delmo regarded her somewhat suspiciously.
Hotaru batted her lashes and made a sultry, pouty expression. "Would you want Hargen to learn you kept a willing and able woman away from him?"
Nervously glancing from Hotaru to the brig door, the Black Delmo guard finally conceded. "Hai hai, I'll take you see Hargen- sama," she said. "However, your collar stays on."
"But of course," Hotaru purred.
She waited patiently as the Black Delmo swung open the cell door and allowed Hotaru out. Ryoko and Tira Misu tensed, ready to spring into action and knock the Black Delmo girl out, but Hotaru shot them a quick glance telling them not to move. A trio of Blue Delmo officers were summoned, and they escorted Hotaru out of the brig.
"I hope she knows what she's doing," Mai Shiranui muttered. "I wouldn't so much as give this Hargen twerp the time of day or even a slight jiggle from my bosoms."
"Me too," Desolation agreed. "Well, I would if I had the bosoms."
Abruptly Ruckus came dropping down through one of the ceiling tiles, landing right on top of the hapless Black Delmo guard!
"And it's the cutie ninja to the rescue, as always!" he said. His smile faded when he saw the vast numbers of Anime babes still in their holding cells as they awaited their brainwashing.
"Shimatta!" Ruckus lamented. "They're all women! Where are the bishounen so grateful for being rescued that they'd let me do anything to them? You'd think that at least one pretty-boy would get mistaken as a girl and kidnapped by Hargen's troops."
Hiding behind JunJun, Desolation closed his eyes and prayed he wouldn't be discovered.
Sighing, Ruckus left the brig in search of some cute male to rescue.
"We love you too, Ruckus," Ami remarked sarcastically.
However, the chance for a great escape presented itself as Golden Delmo Pandemonium stepped into the brig. The Black Delmo girls immediately went rigid and saluted.
"As you were, ladies," Golden Delmo Pandemonium said. "But let's see a better response time, or else it's the body cavity search for all of you."
"H-Hai!" the Black Delmo's stammered.
Seconds later, Pandemonium's naughty tentacles of justice snaked out from behind her, and smacked all the Delmo girls upside the backs of their heads, knocking them all out. This caused every Anime babe in the cells to perk up and take notice.
Pandemonium yanked off her Golden Delmo uniform, revealing her AD Police gear underneath.
"Pan-chan!" Ami called out, waving the Sexariod Boomer over.
One of Pandemonium's naughty tentacles snaked out and undulated itself into the cell's lock. "Daijobu," Pandemonium said as she undid the lock. "When I realized what was happening, I played along with Hargen so I could infiltrate this vessel. All I can say is that it was a pain to find this place. The whole time, the prison's been listed on the maps as 'Tourist Information Desk'."
Her tentacles also managed to deactivate the collars around everyone's necks.
Within five minutes, a large gathering of fully-charged, really pissed off Anime babes were more than eager to storm the ship and introduce Hargen to new levels of pain.
"Come on, girls!" Pandemonium said, waving them all towards the exit. "Let's blow this place and haul ass to the bridge!"
"Hai!" the Anime babes cheered.
But suddenly, the brig door was broken down, light and smoke streaming in. Pandemonium and the other ladies came to an abrupt stop, holding their arms in from of their eyes and straining to see who was standing there in front of them.
It was Golden Delmo Hysteria.
"Wai!" Golden Delmo Hysteria cheered. "Hysteria's found some kawaii little friend-chans to have a kawaii little tea paty-chan with her! Hysteria's already chained most of the kawaii little Pink Delmo-chans to her kawaii little coffee table-chan, but Hysteria just loves having more kawaii little guest-chans too! It's just oh so kawaii, ne? Ne? Ne?"
Her eyes wide in abject terror, Pandemonium turned to the others.
Pandemonium: o.O; "RUN!!! Escape while you can!!"
Desolation: o.O;; "Women and Wu's first!"
Golden Delmo Hysteria: ^^v "Oooh, a kawaii little game of Tag-chan, and Hysteria's It, ne? Wai! Hysteria loves kawaii little game- chans! They make her so thirsty for a kawaii little tea party- chan!"
Desolation: [staring up at the ceiling] "Now would be a good time to be taken out by a more merciful smite! Like, say, a colonic irrigation from Akio."
Needless to say, Anime babes panicked and went racing madly in all directions. Yet they were unable to escape from Golden Delmo Hysteria, who captured and shackled them all. With a large assortment of chains heaved over her shoulder, Hysteria started to drag the 40-odd Anime babes back to her room.
"Wai wai wai!" she giggled, skipping along. "Hysteria's got sooooo many kawaii little guest-chans! And she's made such kawaii frilly apron-chans for each of them to wear!"
"TASUKETEEEEEE!!!" Pandemonium shrieked, her fingers & tentacles leave gouge marks in the floor as she was dragged away.
Back to Fanfics