If super-deformity has a name, it must be Indiana Chaos.
Chaos: ^-^ "Hai! And because I'm Chaos, I can do anything! Unless you are asking me to do that which it is I don't do because that is not fun to do unless I do not do it...not that I do...because I don't...do...."
Pesti: "Looks like we've lost Chaos again."
Dark Mayhem: "I'd vote he was a lost cause to begin with."
Desolation: ;_; "Tasukete! I'm lost!"
Demolition: [blink blink!] "Can we get any non-sequitur here?!"
Havoc: ^-^ "Panties!"
Demolition: [groan!] "I stand corrected."
Carnage: "But you'll be lucky to be standing at all when I'm through with you, Havoc! DRAGU SLAVE!!!"
[Cue the big-assed explosion!]
Havoc: ^-^ [soaring away!] "Havoc out!"
Chaos: ^^v "And for once, I'm left still standing!"
[Cue the cow that falls from the sky for no apparent reason and smites Chaos!]
Chaos: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
Dark Mayhem: [looking down at Chaos] "You were saying?"
Pesti: "Just what was Chaos saying, though?"
Demolition: "Something resembling a horribly mangled obligatory intro bit."
Chaos: [grabbing hold of a microphone] "Hai! And we're going to make this the best intro bit ever! Cue my piano-playing Totoro!"
[Cue Havoc crashing through the obligatory intro. bit and landing on Chaos!]
Havoc: ^-^ [grabbing the mic] "This isn't the type of musical interlude we need!"
Pesti: [looking down at Chaos] "Apparently we need an interlude with it's own complimentary set of paramedics."
Chaos: >.- [twitch twitch!] "You know, I felt the same way when I saw that dub of BeyBlade on TV...."
Dark Mayhem: "So what kind of musical number would you propose to save this intro bit, Havoc?"
Havoc: ^^v "Cue the opening song for Brain Powerd!!"
[The tune for 'In My Dreams' starts up!]
Pesti: "Just why is Havoc singing something as non-ecchi as Yoko Kanno?"
[Cue the group of nekkid Anime babes floating by!]
Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "Ah, yes...I'd forgotten about Brain Powerd's opening animation sequence."
Carnage: "Can't say much else about the series though. Brain Damagd would be a better title."
Demolition: ^-^ "Just tell me we get more fanservice like in the opening!"
Dark Mayhem: "Not a chance...unless the mecha's deploying codpiece counts."
Demolition: -.-;; "Dammit."
Pesti: [sigh!] "Not even two pages into the omakefic, and already it's easy to see how doomed it is."
[Cue the omakefic!]
His lordship Chaos presents:
INDIANA CHAOS & THE OMAKE OF DOOM!!!
The Diner O' Dim-Sum. Once upon a time in China. Soon to be a major motion-denied picture....
The evening entertainment was alive and energetic, and the patrons were thoroughly enjoying it. Added to the upbeat mood was Lyn Minmay, who was throwing her heart and soul into a jazzy song & dance number entitled, "Anything Goes!" Moments later, everything did go--especially her clothes. And then off did a nekkid Minmay go to chase after Havoc.
Havoc: ^-^ "Hotcha! Chinese treasures for Hentenno!"
Minmay: "Hey, give that back! How am I supposed to serenade the Valkyrie pilots like this?!"
Havoc: "You could always service them at Planet Hentai."
Minmay: [booting Havoc into an enormous metal gong!] "FREAK!!"
At the risk of stating the obvious, a Cream Lemon detonation later found anything going frothy and white. Namely half the stunned patrons at the restaurant as whipped cream splooted in every direction. Suoh Takamura, cleverly disguised as M. Bison to evade Hysteria's Shouta grasp, groaned and smacked his forehead. "That's the last time I rent this place out for a fanfic," he muttered.
An eerie (not to mention drafty) lull followed the abrupt termination of Minmay's song. During this time, our hero made his grand entrance. Suavely dressed in a fedora hat and black tuxedo, and carrying with him an oboe case, Indiana Chaos strolled down one of the stairs. One hand leisurely resting in his jacket pocket, he gave a quick scan of the restaurant, slipped on a puddle of Cream Lemon, and unceremoniously toppled headfirst down the remainder of the stairs. With a loud and resounding "THUD!" he crashed into a twitching tuxedo-clad heap at the bottom.
Yet quick to leap back onto his feet (not to mention Sorcerous Stabber Orphen's toes), Indiana Chaos deftly dusted himself off and surveyed the restaurant for his contact. It wasn't too hard to spot Ophelia...mainly because of the large stone gargoyle sitting at her table, and the even larger stack of Pocky on the table.
Indiana Chaos grinned and waved to her. "Hey, Totorona!" he called out.
[Fanboy's Note: Totorona literally means Totoro girl'.]
Ophelia's eyebrow twitched, and Chaos was immediately pummelled by a Nekobus. But lucky for them, the buffet table broke Chaos' fall.
[Fanboy's Note: Ophelia despises being called Totorona.]
So while the Nekobus decided to go graze on the salad bar, Indiana Chaos limped over to her table and plunked himself down in the chair opposite Ophelia. "Care for something to eat?" Ophelia inquired, gesturing the wide array of food platters on the table.
Indiana Chaos shook his head. "No thanks. I heard rumours that the food in this place was actually all made from cabbits!"
Ophelia nearly choked on her meal right then & there.
"That's why I just stick with the chocolate Pocky," Christabel the gargoyle stated.
"So," Indiana Chaos said, placing his elbows on the table... and right into an order of soba noodles. "Do you have the item I asked for?"
Ophelia whistled, and out from beneath the table rolled a very excitable vacuum cleaner on a leash. Upon spotting Miyuki-chan the waitress cruising on by, the vacuum yipped and strained its intake hose towards her panties. Ophelia scowled and smacked the vacuum cleaner on the nozzle. "Bad god, no biscuit! Behave yourself!"
A somewhat unimpressed look on his face, Indiana Chaos glanced down at the vacuum, and the back up at Ophelia. "The lake god, Ophelia, not the wind god," he said. "The deal was for the lake god."
With an exasperated sigh, Ophelia released the wind-god-in-a- vacuum's leash, and off the vacuum went chasing after Miyuki-chan. Poor Miyuki-chan tried to seek shelter in the kitchen, but the vacuum followed through the doors right after her. There was a loud crash and clatter as pots & pans went flying in all directions.
Seconds later the vacuum came tearing out of the kitchen, Miyuki-chan's panties being sucked into its dirt bag, and Clamp's sentai team Duklyon trying to shoot it down. Numerous tables were blasted, and the walls were suddenly decorated with many colourful scorch marks.
Indiana Chaos slowly turned away from the insanity
"Nightbreak will pick up the tab for that, I'm sure," Ophelia said cheerfully.
Indiana Chaos shook his head, and then hastily ducked as the vacuum made a flying leap over their table in its bid for freedom. "So where's my lake god?"
Ophelia reached under the table again, and this time pulled out a fish tank filled with burbling water and cute little fish that Chaos was happy to see were not in fact mecha piranhas. "And just how do I know that this is the real lake god?" Indiana Chaos inquired, his head hovering just above the surface of the water.
Suddenly a tendril of water snaked out from the aquarium, and slapped him silly. A somewhat dizzy Indiana Chaos blinked a few times before spitting out a guppy.
"Yep," he announced. "It's real."
"Now it's your turn to come through on the deal," Ophelia stated. "You give me the Glaive."
Indiana Chaos carefully opened up the oboe case, revealing the Silence Glaive hidden inside. "You do realize that if Hotaru finds out about this, she'll kill me."
Ophelia nodded, her eyes glazing over as she stared at the glaive. "That's a risk I'm willing to take," she replied, her mouth watering. She snatched the glaive from its case and happily glomped it. "Ooooh, you're so cute, so precious, so destructively adorable!"
"Um...okay," Indiana Chaos said as sweatdrops appeared next to his head. "Maybe I should just leave the two of you alone and go."
Just as he reached for the aquarium, the kitchen doors burst open and into the restaurant stormed a small army of SeeD mercenaries, led none other than by Greenbeans. Greenbeans spotted Chaos and pointed at him. "There he is! The one who stole my lake god! Bring me that baka's head!"
"Severed or attached to the rest of his body?" SeeD Squall asked.
Beans shrugged. "Surprise me."
"Are you insane, Beans?!" Indiana Chaos exclaimed, the lake god precariously balanced in his arms. "I'm not a 'Wu'!" He turned to Ophelia. "You've gotta help me escape!"
Ophelia: ^______^ [fondle fondle!] "Ooooh, I get all tingly just running my hands up and down its long pole."
Indiana Chaos: -.-;; "I will not dignify that innuendo with any sort of retort."
Meanwhile, the restaurant was filling fast with black uniformed SeeDs, and the hapless waiters, mistaking them for actual customers, were trying to find empty tables and establish waiting times. And Indiana Chaos, fishtank hoisted over his head, was frantically racing around the tables in an effort to hide himself.
"Well don't just stand there," Beans stated, glaring at the SeeDs. "Smite something!"
Squall summoned a Guardian Force, namely Shiva. The scantily- clad ice demoness filled up most of the interior of the restaurant with her grandiose presence, and she glared down at Indiana Chaos. And she would have surely cast a freezing spell on him, had Havoc not leap through the windows and stolen a few strategically placed patches of ice off her body.
Havoc: ^^v "Hotcha! I've never stolen magical snow-panties before! These will go to the Pervsonian Institute, where rare and ancient relics of hentai are put on display for all to see!"
Beans' eyebrow twitched furiously as she watched the nekkid GF chase after Havoc. She whirled and glared at the SeeDs, who themselves were stunned in discovering that not only could you actually strip a Guardian Force, but that Shiva wasn't in fact a blonde. Seizing the moment (and subsequently getting charged for assault against it), Indiana Chaos raced across the restaurant in a bid for freedom. Bowling waitresses and a nekkid Minmay over, he charged through the doors and out into the main streets.
The already crowded streets were bustling with people, vendors and horses pulling elaborate carriages. No doubt if he made the wrong move and bumped into someone, he'd either spill the lake god or get knocked down and caught by the SeeDs. He shivered at the thought of what Beans would do to him if she managed to catch him. Then he realized that he was actually shivering from the lake god dumping kelp down the front of his pants.
"You really need to go to a deity obedience school," he huffed at the lake god. "I swear, you're almost as bad as the dark god, Anthrax. And did Dark Schneider warn me about Anthrax trying to eat my soul with a little mint sauce and a Harbinger Wallbanger? Nooooo!"
A Limit attack suddenly came tearing through the front doors after him. But luckily for Indiana Chaos, a hapless Desolation wandered into the scene and like a moth to a blowtorch, the magical attack veered off and went after Desolation. Indiana Chaos winced at the subsequent decapitation. "Right up the nose too! That had to hurt!"
"You think you've got it bad?" Desolation's Fairy Godbabbit sighed as it flapped on by Indiana Chaos' head. "One of his eyeballs just got blown into a soup. Now I'll have to find the poor sot who just ate it and tell him that dish wasn't chicken. All I can say is that I'll be glad when my two-week vacation starts up in ten minutes."
Indiana Chaos glanced back at the SeeDs chasing after him, the grinned as he surveyed the obstacle course on the road.
"I can just bound over the people and horses as if I'm as light as a feather!" he proclaimed. With that, Indiana Chaos took a running leap over the car...and clotheslined himself on the ass end of a rather startled horse.
Indiana Chaos: x.x "This always worked for Lupin and Jigen in Castle of Cagliostro. Damn you, Miyazaki! Damn you and your wanton disregard for the laws of physics!"
Peeling himself off the horse's backside, Indiana Chaos discovered he was missing two things: his hat (which he wasn't about to retrieve)--
Indiana Chaos: [waving it aside] "I borrowed that fedora off Sean Gaffney anyways."
Sean Gaffney: o.O;; "You what?!"
--and the aquarium tank housing the lake god. Indiana Chaos turned around, and gaped as he saw an overturned fishtank on the ground and a giant, very irate puddle beneath it.
Beans: o.O;; "Kyaaaaa! You turned my lake god into a mud puddle god!"
Indiana Chaos: ^^;;; "Think of it as an exciting career move for your mascot."
"Baka Chaos!" Beans shrieked, pulling out a small plastic shovel and scooping the puddle back into the fishtank. She glared back at the SeeDs. "You guys are so not getting your commission for this one. When we get back to Balamb, I'm going to feed you to a Rexaur myself! Now get that fanboy, and show him a level of pain that only Hysteria's 'Dragon Pinky & The Brain' fanfic can instil!"
And so off Indiana Chaos raced, a large entourage of SeeDs racing after him. Yet they had one inherent problem: when super deformed, Indiana Chaos could run like Sana-chan after eating six bags too many of chocolate-covered coffee beans. Leaving the SeeDs behind in his dustcloud, Indiana Chaos headed for the airstrip.
Indiana Chaos: ^-^ "Freedom! Hey wait a minute...if this is a feudal, martial arts Chinese setting, how can there be any airplanes?"
[Cue Indiana Chaos tumbling headlong into the gaping plothole in the street!]
Indiana Chaos: -.-;;; "Itaaaiii!! Someone ought to put warning pylons around those things."
Reaching the airstrip, Indiana Chaos boarded the nearest plane he could find, and that turned out to be the Sailor Gundam. Yes, that's right...G-Gundam's own sailor fuku-clad mecha unit. One that happily was also just starting its engines as it prepped for take-off. Standing in the cockpit entrance, Indiana Chaos grinned and gave Beans a one-finger salute as she & her SeeDs arrived one plot contrivance too late.
"Ha ha!" Indiana Chaos laughed. "Nice try, Greenbeans! Looks like you won't be smiting me this fic! Piiiiiiiiiida!!"
And with that he shut the entrance hatch of the Sailor Gundam...belonging to a Mamegami Gundam Manufacturers company. Heading up to the cockpit, he placed a hand on the pilot's shoulder and said, "Back to the apartment!"
The mamequin slumped forward in the chair and pushed down on the accelerator for the Sailor Gundam's engines, sending Indiana Chaos tumbling backwards into the rear displays.
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