Suddenly a bolt of lightning shot out from the chandelier, bathing everything in a white glow. Dark Mayhem and Xellos were the only two people there who had the presence of mind to slip on their sunglasses before being blinded. The lightning ended moments later, but of course not before it struck Chaos. There was a loud rumble of thunder outside the apartment as a smouldering Beans and Chaos stopped fighting, and slowly turned to the others. Mayhem, Carnage and Pesti-chan were looking at the two of them with VERY unimpressed looks on their faces.
"That was our only chance to have a decent series," Pesti-chan said, blinking in shock and disbelief. "And you two...just wasted it."
"I knew it was too good to be true," Carnage lamented, shaking his head. "If anyone needs me, I'll be in my room bisecting a few Tauruses."
Xellos grinned as he ate his bowlful of popcorn. "What a great fic!"
"Hai hai," Havoc-chan agreed. "Jello?"
Chaos groaned. "This isn't happening to me. I answer one wrong Email, and I regret it for the rest of my life. This is all your fault, Little Miss Dragqueen."
"Me?!" Beans shot back. "You're the one who got Belldandy to grant our wish. And furthermore I...I...since when did I go Haley again?"
Chaos pulled at the collar of his blouse, peering down at his chest. His eyes bugged out as he let go of the collar. "What the? This is like Haruka retaliating on me for doing that 'What if Haruka Was A Guy' rant!!"
Pesti-chan slowly looked at Dark Mayhem. "Na ni?"
"Hey!" Beans said, pointing at Chaos. "Those kawaii kitty ears belong on my head! Give them back now! Gimme gimme gimme!"
"And you get out of my 'Byte Me' shirt," Chaos shot back. His eyes ballooned out moments later. "No, wait! Don't you dare spread nekkid flashes of me all over the Net!"
"They...they've switched bodies," Carnage said, unable to mask the stunned look on his face. "Chaos is Beans...and Beans is now Chaos."
"Yare yare," Dark Mayhem sighed, looking up at the holes in the ceiling. "The authors really are crazy after all."
Xellos raised his hand. "Okay, who else here didn't see that one
coming?" he asked.
Havoc-chan held up her hand too. "Hai!"
"Ne, what's in your hand?" Xellos asked, looking at a small polka-dotted piece of cloth in Havoc's grip.
"These?" Havoc said. "Oh, they're Filia's dragon pink panties! Hotcha, they're soft too. Care to rub them against your face? I've got plenty of pairs to go around!"
[Cue the evil, demonic aura erupting around Xellos!]
"You...what?" Xellos slowly asked, growling at Havoc.
And Havoc being Havoc, she didn't even notice the hostility being directed towards her. "Hai hai. You wouldn't believe the Cream Lemon tidal wave she sent up when she whacked me with that big-assed spiked mace of hers. Jello?"
Xellos snarled, floating off the ground and priming a demon magic attack. "You *dare* to steal her--what am I doing?"
Havoc-chan blinked and looked up at him. "What are you so agitated about? Don't tell me that you haven't gotten her panties already, Xellos. After all, you're her boyfriend."
Dark Mayhem: [sigh!] "Here we go again."
Pesti: [opening up an umbrella] "And I really liked the new paint job in the hallways too."
[Cue Filia and her big-assed spiked mace!]
Filia: "I AM NOT THAT LAZY, ARROGANT, CONNIVING, MANIPULATIVE, SELF-SERVING DEMON'S GIRLFRIEND!!!"
Xellos: ^^ "Aw, now you're just playing hard to get, Filia-chan."
Filia: [erk!] "Na ni?"
Xellos: ^^ "But then again, just why I'd date a whiny, stuck-up dragon like you is beyond me."
Filia: [eyebrow twitch!] "Why you little...!!!"
Xellos & Havoc: ^^ "Oro?"
Of course this caused Filia to get angry enough to morph into her enormous golden dragon form, and promptly try to step on both Xellos and Havoc-chan. However she forgot that Xellos was a demon being, and could teleport away rather easily. She also forgot about Havoc's little creamy disposition towards getting smited.
[Cue the Cream Lemon explosion!]
"Shimatta," Pesti-chan groaned. "All this damage in just an Omakefic. Could someone cue Rampage to clean up this mess?"
"CHU CHU!" Rampage hooted, popping up amidst the whipped cream. Within a few minutes she had devoured all the Cream Lemon in the apartment--not to mention Chaos' blouse. With a shriek, Chaos tried to cover himself...only to realize he was now without breasts.
'Beans' and 'Chaos' looked at each other and growled. "This is all *your* fault, you realize!" they chorused irately. "*MY* fault?! How is this my fault?! Stop talking when I'm talking! No, you stop!!"
Carnage smacked his forehead. "It's going to be a loooooong Omake."
"Well," Pesti-chan remarked. "At least you didn't say that a sandwich could do better in your fanfics than Chaos ever could, Beans."
"Hush!" Beans snapped.
"This is indeed a problem," Havoc-chan mused. "Who do I go after if I want to steal Beans' panties?"
"Just wait until they're both female," Dark Mayhem pointed out.
Havoc grinned. "Hotcha! Two panties for the snatch of one!"
Both Beans and Chaos shrieked in response. Beans tried to pull out a pan-dimensional octopus to smite Havoc-chan, but they all tumbled out from the bottom of her Byte Me shirt. Chaos wasn't successful either, pulling out an umbrella and then opening it up--only to have a startled cow fall out from the umbrella, and knock him over.
"What did you tell him that for?" Pesti-chan asked Dark Mayhem.
The uber exploder otaku shrugged indifferently. "He would have figured it out sooner or later. This saves us unnecessary ranting in the future."
Just then, Sarcasm strolled out from her room. "Xellos-chan, you're up," she said. The Elfgirl glanced around the battle-torn apartment. "What the hell happened here?"
"Xellos and Filia got into another lover's quarrel," Carnage replied. "That, and Chaos and Beans switched bodies."
Sarcasm looked to Beans, looked to Chaos, and finally looked to the grinning Xellos. "Whatever. Xel-baby, your cute li'l demon-bred butt is mine tonight."
"Ne, what happens to us now?" Beans asked, finding an intact chair to sit in. The chair promptly shattered the second she sat down.
"Hey, be careful with my body, Chaos!" Chaos snapped.
"You certainly can't return to your respective series looking like that," Pesti-chan said. "Chaos as Beans, and Beans as Chaos? There's no telling what sort of retribution this would bring from our authors."
"We're doomed," Chaos groaned. "I'll probably be stuck doing Begging Favours 2 as punishment from Greenbeans."
"Or else our author will write another Coffee! rant for you," Dark Mayhem added.
Chaos' eyebrows twitched furiously. "M-M-Masaka...!!!!"
"Coffee rant?" Carnage asked Pesti-chan.
Pesti-chan winced. "Don't ask."
"As for Chaos," Dark Mayhem said, gesturing to Beans. "This plot twist will do nothing to halt His lordship Chaos' endless supply of warped ideas. He might start having Chaos jump into the bodies of other Anime characters in another Omakefic."
"Havoc already did that in the Christmasfic," Carnage countered. "That would make the whole body-jumping premise seem rather lame in comparison. It's not our author's style."
Anarchy laughed as she emerged from behind the couch. "Greenbeans would just punish Beans for letting this happen. Knowing our author, he'd just abuse this entire situation to no end!"
Beans laughed nervously, kawaii kitty ears popping out from her hair. "A-Ano...."
Pesti-chan's eyes widened. "Aiya! Chaos, Beans can't do that kitty-eared thing! Hide them! Hide them!"
"What's the use?" Chaos lamented. "They're our authors; they're the
omnipotent ones. Both of them would already know about this."
"WAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!" a sobbing SD Beans wailed. "I don't wanna be punished!"
"That won't necessarily happen," Dark Mayhem said, walking across the living room and taking a seat in front of the computer. "Our series have, from time to time, gone out of control. They've written themselves without our authors even around to watch. There's the slight chance that you two switched bodies while His lordship Chaos and Greenbeans were distracted."
Chaos sat up, suddenly hopeful. "Really. How can you know that for certain?"
"We've been working on upgrading the system," Dark Mayhem explained, moving the computer mouse around. "We've now got this baby hooked into the BEAST, the Yggdrasil goddess supercomputer, Nadesico's Omiokane, and we've just installed that Navi system with its Psyche circuit from Serial Experiment Lain."
"Which means?" Chaos asked, sweatdropping.
"Anime technobabble aside," Carnage answered. "It means we've got the power of the entire Aniverse at our fingertips. I finished working out most of the bugs, but there's no guarantees that this will work perfectly. Whatever you do, make sure it doesn't overheat."
"Hm, kinda reminds me of my newest creation!" Beans said proudly. "It's the revolution of video game marketing: the Neon Sega Genesis Evangelion entertainment system!"
[Cue the facevaults!]
"Don't you ever have any more dumb ideas like that while you're inside my body!" the oversized balloon head of Chaos snarled. He paused, his head deflating back to its normal size. "Woah...that was a surreal experience."
"See no EVA, hear no EVA, speak no EVA," Dark Mayhem glibly quipped as he began typing away at the keyboard.
"Oh, and you'll want to know the password too," Carnage added.
"Why?" Pesti-chan asked.
Suddenly an enormous gravity blast cannon popped out from the top of the monitor, aiming itself directly at Chaos. "Please type in the correct password or be vaporized where you stand," an automated female voice said cheerfully.
"Carnage?" Chaos said nervously.
"Hang on, Beans," Carnage replied, typing in the passcode. "There we go! Bring up the Author Monitoring System window, Mayhem."
The two otaku studied the readouts for a few minutes, discussing quietly amongst themselves. "Good news," Dark Mayhem said finally, looking up from the computer. "It looks like our authors are busy on ICQ having another war of pointless rants. They don't even know that Chaos and Beans have switched bodies."
Pesti-chan uneasily glanced over to Chaos. "But what happens when they return to writing their fanfics, and discover that Chaos isn't calling Haruka 'the Queen', while Beans is fighting with the lake god and writing stupid stories like Goku No Marie?"
"What was so bad about that fic?" Beans sniffled.
Carnage massaged his temples. "It'll be a miracle if we ever pull this off."
"Hai hai," Havoc agreed-chan, holding up a bowl. "Jello, anyone?"
"You're not helping us here!!" Beans exclaimed, punting Havoc.
"Look, the authors are expecting us to perform in character for their upcoming fanfics," Pesti-chan cut in. "You two can't be here fighting like this, or else all the fans of both His lordship Chaos and Greenbeans are going to clue in that something's wrong."
"You're damned right something's wrong!" an irate SD Chaos exclaimed. "Look at me: I'm super deformed! This never happens to me in College Life!"
An SD Beans stuck out her tongue at Chaos in response.
Abruptly, Carnage grappled onto the two SD characters and lifted their feet off the ground. "Behave, you two," he said, walking over to the couch and dropping them onto the cushions.
"You'd better not do anything perverted with my body," Chaos stated darkly.
Beans sniffed indignantly. "Hmph! I do spend half my time as a girl, might I remind you!"
"Hai hai," Dark Mayhem agreed. "And he spends the other half in girl's clothing." All the other fanboys tried to hold in their laughter at that, and failed miserably of course.
Beans cupped her breasts. "Hmm, this is smaller than what I'm used to."
"Pervert!" Chaos snapped, grabbing a chair and lobbing it a Beans. Beans' eyes bugged out right before she was clobbered by the piece of furniture.
Beans: [big swirly eyes!] "Jo'o-samaaaa...."
Chaos: "Byte me, Little Miss Dragqueen."
Pesti: "This has to be one of the most surreal scenes I've ever witnessed."
"Yare yare," Dark Mayhem said, rubbing his temples. "Okay, my mind's been thoroughly screwed with for one night. Our authors are going to log off ICQ shortly, and we had better not be looking like this when they check on us. Havoc, the remote."
Havoc handed Dark Mayhem the remote control of the gods.
"Arigato," Mayhem said. "Now, Pesti-chan, you--" He stopped, and then flicked a stray piece of Jello off the remote. "Pesti-chan, you're in charge of getting Beans ready for staying the night at our place. Carnage, I want you to search through the Yggdrasil network; see if there's a way to reverse this wish. I'll escort Chaos over to College Life."
Beans deliberately cleared her throat.
"Hai," Dark Mayhem added. "We'll be taking the lake god with us too."
A happy li'l SD Beans danced around the room. "Hotcha! I am the Otaking!"
Chaos promptly clobbered Beans with an umbrella.
"Careful," Pesti-chan said, helping Beans up. "This is your body, Beans; remember that."
"Ne, what about me?" Anarchy inquired, hauling a still-snoring Tasuki up off the floor.
"Anarchy," Dark Mayhem replied. "Have the toughest job of all: you have to sit there and keep on drinking Sake."
Anarchy smiled. "Just making it official. Tasuki, the night's young and I'm sobering up. Onwards to a hapless karaoke bar!"
And so the fanboys dispersed in the hopes of covering up this unexpected and unauthorized plot twist.
"Good luck," Pesti-chan said to Carnage.
"Luck has nothing to do with this," Carnage replied, his fingers furiously typing away at the keyboard. "It'll take an act of Avatar to pull this stunt off."
Now certainly this was a predicament, for how would the avatars act: Shakespearean?
Havoc: "Ah, to perv or not to perv, that is the panty."
Carnage: "And a Dragu Slave by any other name will still blow you to Jurai, Havoc!"
Havoc: ^-^ "Oro?"
Carnage: "DRAGU SLAVE!!!"
[Cue the explosion!]
Carnage: [heh heh] "Got him! At last, I finally smited the uberperv!"
Chaos: [looking in behind Carnage] "Ummm...."
Beans: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
Carnage: "What? What did I do now?"
Pesti: o.O [frantically pointing behind Carnage] "Tsuna...tsuna...tsuna...!!"
Chaos, Beans & Pesti: o.O "Tsuna...tsuna...tsuna...TSUNAMI!!!"
[Cue the Cream Lemon tidal wave, with Havoc-chan surfing the crest!]
Carnage: o.O "I have got to stop doing things like this."
Havoc-chan: "Hotcha! I'm back, and I got the real Tsunami's panties too!"
[And as everyone gets washed away by the whipped cream, we might as
well cue the eyecatch!]
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