[Cue the SD Bean-chan popping up and taking over the Omake!]
Bean-chan: ^-^ "Ohayo, everybody! And welcome to our latest instalment of the Fanboys omake theatres! We've got a special treat for you all tonight, one that I'm very proud to present. And here it is!"
[Cue Havoc bounding across the Omake!]
Havoc: ^^ "Hotcha! Silken treasures for the Hentenno!"
Canal: "Get back here, you perverted freak! Those are *my* panties!"
Kane Blueriver: "Just how the hell did he manage to steal your holographic panties off your holographic body, anyways?"
Bean-chan: o.O "......"
Dark Mayhem: "So, Chaos, this was your idea of an Omake?"
Pesti: "Bad enough it had to have more stolen panties."
SD Chaos-chan: [grrr!] "Bad enough you have to be doing this omake in *my* body, Chaos!"
Bean-chan: "Now now, calm down. I'm just sharing my thoughts with the readers."
Carnage: "This shouldn't take long."
Pesti: "Does this mean no popcorn?"
Bean-chan: [irate hyper SD mode!] "Would you two knock it off?!"
Carnage & Pesti: "No."
Bean-chan: "No, not you two! *Those* two!"
[Bean-chan points to Ami-chan & Dark Mayhem, who are busy and quite literally fanning the fires of their passion.]
Dark Mayhem: [mwah ha hah ha!] "Who cares about monochrome trouble? I want this scene in full colour!"
Ami: ^^ "Hai, Carrot-chan! I'll get the remote!"
Chaos-chan: --;; [eyebrow twitch!] "So just how long am I stuck with you guys?"
Pesti: "At least another part."
Chaos-chan: o.O "WHAT?!"
Carnage: [sipping his tea] "Hai hai. Part two goes on for pages. Pretty tedious for a mad author, ne?"
Bean-chan: "Hey! This is my omake! Mine mine mine MINE!!! And I will not be ignored!"
Anarchy: [glancing around] "Did anyone just hear something?"
Bean-chan: [with a kawaii li'l stormcloud over her head] "Baka. Anyhoo, I'm here to present to all you readers out there a few possibilities of alternate Sailor Moon universes. Yes, we've all pondered about what might happen in them, but I had the audacity to actually write about them!"
Hysteria: ^-^ "Ooooh! Alternate reality-chans! Hysteria can go through kawaii little alternate universe-chans and have all kinds of kawaii little alternate universe tea party-chans!"
Bean-chan: --;; "Who invited her to my omake?"
Pesti: "Ne, if the entire cast is supposed to be here for the omake, where's Sarcasm?"
Anarchy: [pointing towards the bedroom] "She's in the middle of her ten
o'clock rubdown by Daryoon and Narsus. Ne, did anyone bring Sake to this
Bean-chan: [nod nod!] "Hai hai, she's in the middle of her--WHAT?!"
Havoc: "Say, that reminds me, I've got a an appointment soon to rub some bodies down myself. Hotcha! Nima, you may be a Tattoon Master, but there is only one great Hentenno-sama!!"
Carnage: [massaging his temples] "As frightening as it is to say this, can we please cue the omake."
Chaos-chan: [sweatdrop!] "Do we have to?"
Bean-chan: ^-^ "Hai! First up, some of you may or may not know that Akira
Kamiya is the voice actor for both Professor Tomoe in SMS, *and* the girl-chasing detective, Ryo Saeba from City Hunter."
Dark Mayhem: "Think about the potential crossover for that, Pesti-chan."
Pesti: o.O "Oh no."
[Cue the bizarre & twisted alternate universe #1!!!]
Deep in the bowels of...somewhere, the mysterious professor stood in the darkness. His back to the light, the shadows around his tables, full of beakers and test tubes, swallowed up his true identity. However, despite all the light being behind him, the two lenses of his glasses could be seen reflecting the glow of the open flame of a Bunsen burner heating a murky substance in one of his test tubes.
Head of the Deathbusters, it was his task to bring out the means of transporting the creature known as Pharaoh 90 to earth. Domination would soon follow. And he would gloriously stand by his true master's side.
"Kaolinite," he called out in a low voice.
Out from another place in his gargantuan laboratory, Kaolinite entered, her long red hair draped over the shoulders of a white labcoat. "Hai. Here I am," she replied.
The professor turned his head slightly in her direction. "Did you find the selected humans with the pure hearts?"
"Hai. I have almost found them for certain," she said.
The daemon egg hidden within the pinkish goo that the professor was heating seemed ready. Taking the test tube away from the flame, he poured it into a wide beaker full of bubbling greenish liquid. Almost instantly the mixture turned pink.
He grinned. "I see."
Abruptly the protozoan daemon egg inside the mixture swelled and grew, expanding until the beaker could no longer hold it. The glass shattered, spilling the contents all over the counter. And there, hovering in the air, was a perfectly formed daemon egg. It resembled the unopened blossom of a flower, ripe for becoming a monster to steal the pure hearts of these humans.
"Good!" the professor chuckled, letting the daemon egg hover before him. "Go, daemon egg. Go out, and find a pure heart!"
Kaolinite watched from a distance as the glowing white egg rose into the air before shooting down one of the large, open pipes located near the ceiling.
The professor looked over his shoulder. "Kaolinite, I leave it to you to retrieve the pure heart the daemon acquires. Make sure it holds one of the talismans."
She bowed slightly, the folds of her labcoat rippling around her form. "Hai."
With that, she turned and began to exit the lab.
"Kaolinite?" the professor added over his shoulder.
Kaolinite stopped, turned and awaited his afterthought. Suddenly there was a very perverted glint in the professor's glasses. And the crescent moon grin of his suddenly turned into a drooling upturned mouth that rather resembled something from a Carrot Glaces sketch.
Kaolinite backed away. "Sensei?"
Suddenly the professor leaped out from the shadows of the lab, only to reveal instead of Souchi Tomou--!!
Ryo: ^-^ "MOKKORI!"
Kaolinite: [recoiling!] "Kyaaaaaaa!!!"
[Cue the 1000t hammer that comes out of nowhere and crushes Ryo's face into the floor!]
Kaori Makimura: [grrrr!] "RYO!!! We're supposed to be on a case here at Mugen High School, not flirting with the faculty! You're destroying the XYZ Detective Agency's reputation one grope at a time!"
Ryo: [in protest] "But look at her! She's an easy eight out of ten on my Mokkori Meter!"
Kaolinite & Kaori: [eyebrow twitch!] "NA NI?!"
Bean-chan: ^-^ "So, whaddaya think?"
Fanboys: o.O "......"
Chaos-chan: [twitch twitch!] "A-Ano ne...."
Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "Masaka...."
Hysteria: "Ooooh! Kawaii! Kawaii kawaii kawaii kawaii!!"
Dark Mayhem: "Ne, if Ryo Saeba really is Hotaru's father in our fanfic series, maybe this would explain why she's so prone to doing the S&M bit with Chaos."
Chaos-chan & Pesti: "Hush, uber exploder newt-boy!!"
Carnage: [shaking his head] "I need a drink after what I just witnessed."
Anarchy: "Don't even think about touching my Sake, mecha-boy."
Carnage: [teary Bambi eyes] "An-chaaaaaaan!"
Havoc: ^^ "No! No Sake! I want panties! Lots of them! Her! That one! I want hers: the sultry babe with the fire in her eyes!"
Setsuna: [eyebrow twitch!] "Dead Scream."
[Cue the Cream Lemon explosion!]
Everyone: o.O [frantic SD mode!] "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Anarchy: [in behind her AT Field] "Well, since it looks like the village idiots will be gone for a while, how about another Sakefest?"
Tasuki: ^^ "Hai!"
[Cue the bizarre & twisted alternate universe #2!!!]
Once more, Tokyo's Jyuban park was about to witness another epic battle between the forces of good and evil. He stood towering over the trembling victim; she seemed fairly certain of the fate that awaited her.
"Do not be afraid," he said with a slight smile, his two eyes sealed shut in blindness. "With your pure heart, I shall be able to at last complete my deal with the demon lord Shabranigdo!"
With that, the red priest Rezo laughed, slamming the base of his shakujyo against the ground. The metal rings attached to the head of his staff gave a metallic echo, and the girl screamed as her pure heart was extracted. And it was a beautiful gem, a crystal with points going in all directions.
Rezo could hardly contain his near-maniacal laughter. Ever since his birth he had been gifted with a magic that was surpassed by no one else, but cursed with being unable to even cure his own blindness. Not any longer.
"Yes! YES!!" he exclaimed, feeling the warmth of the pure heart's light against his face.
"Hold it right there!" a loud female voice cut in, snapping Rezo from his reverie.
"Na ni?" he hissed, turning around.
Suddenly a lone young lady with long red hair, dressed in a sailor battle fuku, appeared in the park. Rezo scowled, already knowing who had shown up. "So," he said darkly. "You managed to find your way here after all, ne, Sailor Lina?"
Yes, there could be no mistaking Lina Inverse inside that sailor blouse and pleated skirt. That short figure. That flat chest. That short temper. That really irate eyebrow twitch she was giving the narrator for pointing out all her flaws.
Sailor Lina: "Was I asking for a commentary? DIL BRAND!!!"
Sailor Lina gave a dramatic pose, pointing directly at Rezo. "I will not allow you to rip out the pure heart of this girl, who has yet to pay us for our services! Agents of money and all-you-can-eat buffets--!"
Rezo raised an eyebrow. "What happened to being agents of love and justice?"
"Hey!" Sailor Lina snapped. "Who's reading the cue cards here? You or me?! I am Bishoujo Senshi Slayer Moon! And in the name of the moon, I'll Dragu Slave your sorry--!"
"WOH HO HO OHO HOH HO HOH HO!!!"
Sailor Lina facevaulted as a round of high-pitched cackling echoed across the park, this laughter causing all the forest animals to flee in terror. Picking herself up off the ground, Lina turned and glared at her fellow Slayer Senshi.
Sailor Lina: "Naga! What the hell are you doing ruining my speech like that?!"
Sailor Naga: [or is it, Sailor Gainax Bounce?] "Ara, Lina, you honestly don't think you'd be able to get away with drawing all the attention away from me, Naga the white serpent! Oh, how foolish of you! WOH HOH HO HO HOH H--!!"
Sailor Lina: --;; "Fireball."
Sailor Naga: o.O
Meanwhile, it was actually proving quite useful for Rezo that he happened to be blind. For he was naturally unable to see the ample-bosomed Naga all dressed in a sailor bikini. There really wasn't much of a uniform to show off in actual fact. And there was much rejoicing.
Male readers: ^^ "Yea."
"You're already too late," Rezo stated, gesturing with his shakujyo towards the fallen maiden. "I have extracted her pure heart, and with it I can call lord Shabranigdo!"
"Uruseii!" Sailor Lina retorted. "That part of the plot was already given away a page and a half ago! You're going to bore the readers if you keep being repetitive like that!"
"Ara, then perhaps you would like me to show you my newest Lemures O' the day," Rezo chuckled. "Presenting Noonsa! Noonsa-chan!"
He struck the base of the shakujyo against the ground, and the second the metal rings chimed, a large grey blur leaped out from the surrounding vegetation.
Sailor Lina recoiled in stunned disbelief as the Noonsa youma, an enormous fish with spindly human arms and legs, stood between her and Rezo. "You call this a youma?!" she exclaimed.
"WOH HO HOH HO HO!!!" Sailor Naga laughed. "Feeling a little inadequate right now, Lina?"
Line turned, standing on her tiptoes and glaring right into Naga's face. "And just what does my breast size have to do with this, Naga?!"
But before there could be a further response, the Noonsa youma charged. His arms opened wide for a loving embrace as he puckered up his lips. "Ooooh! Give us a kiss!" Noonsa exclaimed joyously, bounding after the two Slayer Senshi.
Sailors Lina & Naga: o.O "KYAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Rezo shook his head as the two young ladies frantically ran around the park, desperate to evade the Noonsa youma. "A valiant effort, but stupid none the less. Now her pure heart is mine, and nothing can stop me."
"Shimatta!" Sailor Lina hissed. "Now I've got to deal with a stolen pure heart, a lovesick fish *and* an annoying, big-chested sidekick! And just where the hell is Gourry?!"
Gourry, all dressed up in an oversized moo-cow suit, abruptly paused in his grazing upon the grass. "Hmmm," he remarked between mouthfuls of greenery. "I can't help but think I need to be somewhere right now."
He shrugged and went back to his grazing. "Oh well. If I can't remember it, it must not have been important."
"Lina, come and give us a kiss!" the Noonsa youma crooned, still chasing after Sailor Lina.
"How many Elemekia Lances do I have to throw at you before you take a hint?!" she shouted back.
Suddenly a red lightning bolt shot right across Noonsa's face, nearly taking out the fish youma. Both Sailor Lina and Noonsa froze, looking up to the treetops.
And there Xellos, the demon sorcerer all clad in a smashingly debonair tuxedo and cape, grinned at everyone. "Ohayo!" Tuxedo Xel said, waving to Lina. "Yare yare, it looks like you really can't do anything without me after all, Lina."
Sailor Lina's eyebrow twitched. "What?"
"HEY!" Zelgadis snarled, hopping onto the scene--also dressed in a tuxedo, but wrapped in a cocoon of duct tape. "It was supposed to be Tuxedo Zel, not Tuxedo Xel!! That's my role you're stealing!"
Xellos gave Zelgadis an innocent smile. "Ara ara, but Tokyo is a very unsafe place at night, what with all those killer duct tape rolls lurking around."
Sailor Lina smacked her forehead. "No wonder Tuxedo Kamen rarely shows up in the Anime." She directed her attention towards Rezo. "Ne, Rezo, the way I see it, you've got five options going here. You can let me kill you, or (heaven forbid) you can let Naga kill you, or you can let Zelgadis kill you, or you can let Xellos kill you, or you can let all of us kill you."
Rezo visibly frowned. "I would hardly call those options."
Sailor Lina sighed. "Yeah, I guess so...Well then, you could just bribe me, and we'll forget about your whole 'take over the world' thing!"
[Cue the facevaults!]
A dark smile tugged at the edges of the blind priest's lips. "Ara, you're that ready to kill me even when I haven't even told you my plans yet? For shame, Sailor Lina. You don't even know why I want to summon Shabranigdo."
"Hai hai," Sailor Lina agreed. "So why do you want to resurrect a demon lord? You gonna take over the world?"
Xellos: ^^ "Sore wa...himitsu desu!"
[Lina facevaults yet again!]
Sailor Lina: [grrr!] "Whaddaya mean it's a secret?! I wasn't even asking you!"
"WOH HO HOH HOH HOH HO OHO HOH!!!!" Sailor Naga cackled, letting her generous cleavage and tight fuku make a Richter 10 on the Gainax bounce-o-meter. "Ignoring me...how dangerous."
Sailor Lina facevaulted. "Naga! This is not the time be worrying about your close-ups!"
"But Lina," Sailor Naga countered, fluffing out her long dark hair. "We both know I could finish this fish youma off easily with my jellyfish attack."
"DO I LOOK LIKE I WANT A BUNCH OF RABID SEA CUCUMBERS ALL OVER THIS
PARK?!?!" Sailor Lina shot back.
"They do taste good pickled," Zelgadis remarked.
That caused Sailor Lina to pause for a moment. "Ooh! You're right!"
Suddenly, before any of them could trade recipes, the Noonsa youma charged, racing after Sailor Naga in the hopes of getting a kiss from her. Unfortunately for the Noonsa youma, Naga's enormous bosoms got in the way, absorbing the full impact of the oversized fish and then bouncing it back across the park.
"M-Masaka...." Sailor Lina gawked, watching Noonsa crash into a cluster of trees.
"There has to be some trick to defeating him," Tuxedo Zel said, finally getting loose from all the duct tape. "But what could it be?"
Tuxedo Xellos grinned. "Oh, that one's easy! I've got a secret weapon that will work wonders in this kind of situation!"
[Xellos unveils his secret weapon!]
"Waaaaaahh!" Amelia cried, squirming around from inside the barrel of a cannon. "This wasn't in my contract!"
Xellos shrugged as he lit the fuse. "Hey, if it worked for you in the 'Try' season, it should work here."
Amelia's eyes bugged out wildly. "'SHOULD'?!"
"Now now," Xellos said, patting her nicely on the head. "Just remember to tuck and roll when you go through Noonsa."
However Amelia didn't have any more chance to scream, for right then the cannon blew her straight across the park. And not only did she wind up clocking the Noonsa youma right in the face, she also didn't stop shooting through the air until she had broken the laws of time and space, and wound up crashing right into Kane Bluewater's captain's chair from Lost Universe.
Amelia: @.@ "Itaaaaaaaiiiiii...."
Kane: "Don't I know you from somewhere?"
[Fanboy's Note: a running gag through the entire Lost Universe Anime is that Kane is a descendant from Lina & Gourry. And a lot of the other characters bear striking resemblances to other Slayers characters, and have the same seiyuus from the Slayers series too. Kawaii, ne? ^^]
"So much for her Pacifist Strike," Tuxedo Zel sighed, shaking his head.
Sailor Naga took this moment to once again cackle victoriously. And at the same time, she also managed to have everyone else go into hideous twitching spasms over her maniacal laughter.
"Wh-What kind of demon is she?!" Tuxedo Xellos stammered, trying to shield his ears from the terrifying sounds.
Suddenly out from the smouldering crater of debris appeared the Noonsa youma!
"Na ni?" Zel exclaimed, whirling backwards. "Noonsa's still alive!"
"Daijobu," Sailor Lina said, a dark smile appearing on her face. "I get to be the one who finishes him off this time. And I'll do it using only this!"
Everyone except for Tuxedo Xel facevaulted as she pulled out from behind her fuku a fork and a bottle of Tartar sauce. Upon seeing the meal plans Sailor Lina had for him, the Noonsa youma naturally freaked and ran off screaming.
"My snack won't get away from me that easily!" Lina exclaimed, summoning an attack. "Fireball!!"
An enormous ball of fire promptly mowed down and neatly barbecued Noonsa. The charbroiled fish collapsed on the ground, defeated and ready to eat.
Tuxedo Zel could only sweatdrop as Sailor Lina did a happy li'l SD Slayer Senshi dance over a hard-fought meal. "Ano...shouldn't we be worrying about Rezo right now?" he asked.
Lina waved it aside. "Aw, that can wait until the next episode. Right now, ITADAKIMASU!!"
Suddenly Gourry Moo-cow leaped out of nowhere, and grabbed the cooked Noonsa. The enormous fish hanging out of his mouth, the obligatory series mascot made a fast break out of the park.
"Hey!" Sailor Lina exclaimed angrily. "That was my fish, Gourry! I'm the one who gets to eat it! Gourry!! MEGA BRAND!!!"
Bean-chan: ^^ [covered in whipped cream] "So there you have it! The first segment of the many wonderful crossover ideas I have for Sailor Moon!"
Chaos-chan: [argh!] "Hurting...stop...when?!"
Carnage: [nod nod!] "Well, I suppose he's terrified us enough as it is.
Dark Mayhem: "You evidently haven't seen what the idiot's got planned for volume two yet."
Chaos-chan: o.O "Volume two?!"
Pesti: "My, that's a nasty twitch Beans has developed."
Anarchy: "It just goes to show that in the hands of an utter moron, crossovers are evil."
Bean-chan: "Surely you're not referring to my Kodachi no Omocha fic, are you?"
Dark Mayhem: [sigh!] "No, that one was just stupid."
Havoc-chan: ^-^ "Hotcha! That's why lemons are the spice of life! Bring on my Magical Twilights Rayearth Havocfic!"
Carnage: [sweatdrop!] "You still survived that mega-Dead Scream? Maybe we should stop with the explosive attacks, and just simply shoot him for once."
Pesti: "Please do, Carnage. It makes less of a creamy white mess that way."
[Cue Carnage pulling out the Galaxy Gun!]
Carnage: ^-^ "This should do the trick nicely!"
[End...or is it? MWAH HAH HAH HA HAH!!!!]
Onwards to Part 2
Back to Fanfics